Tap tap tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap.
The sounds of a person obsessively typing away at his keyboard filled the air of the small, dark room. Soft wheezes and gulps rang out from each sentence typed. The individual was sitting at his desk where his computer was, providing the only light in the room.
Polls. The greatest gift known to mankind. How could anyone live without them? So many ways to make one, so many choices in each one to see where the majority opinion lay. And no one could stop him. He could make five polls across four different subreddits every single day and watch as the votes came rolling in. It was...cathartic. He was always excited to share his opinions on the internet but something nagged at the back of his mind. Why did people...disagree with him? Why didn't they choose the options he wanted? They were his polls, so why didn't they vote for the option that he wanted to see win? Confusion settled in, so he reposted them again and again, but to no avail. No one would think exactly the way he does. Why?
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap. Click.
The repetition led to anger, as he didn't understand why the subreddits he visited got angry at him for barraging them with polls about Dante having a daughter, having an influx of female Kamen Riders every year, and creating a coronavirus themed Kamen Rider season. He once wondered if he actually had anything worth saying, since he didn't even own the games he posted about due to not having modern consoles.
Tap. Tap. Click.
Girls. They were so hot. They were so different from men, it made him hard just thinking about it. He always knew he had to find one to complement him, to complete him. However, it was difficult to face one. All those awkward teenage years refusing him the ability to look a girl in the face resulted in him looking down at their feet. He couldn't do eye contact, that was scary! The way he was expected to look someone in the eye and be honest, it was too much! Most of what he could remember about talking with girls was their feet, and how small and cute they looked. The way those toes curled, the way they melted into the carpet. It soon didn't matter what size or how old those feet were. All he knew was that he had found one of the greatest features of the female body.
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Click. Click.
He pulled up his favorite Street Fighter 6 trailer. He audibly moaned when he saw the object of his fetish.
Juri. He thought. Ohh. I love you so much.
The door opened.
The neckbeard gasped and closed the trailer, glaring at the intruder, who was wrinkling her nose at the smell.
"Wh-What are you doing here?!" He demanded.
"This place reeks," his mother said. "Didn't I tell you to clean your room last week? How am I supposed to vacuum with all of these toys on the ground?"
He looked away angrily. "After all this time...you still haven't changed."
"It's only been a week," she reminded him. "And I told you to tidy after yourself. I should not have to tell you to clean your room."
"SHUT UP!" He yelled. "You don't know what it's like, always being put down by everyone around you." He clenched his fists as he trembled. "How the world hates you and doesn't want you to succeed. I survived the trenches of Tartarus and the pits of hell, all to make myself stronger. Then why..." He stood up from his chair, resulting in an ungodly amount of fat jiggling off his body. "Why don't I get the respect I deserve?!"
His mother sighed.
"Why do you look at me like that?!" He yelled. "For the first twenty years of my life, you took care of me! You loved me! Then in the next ten years, you hated me!"
"Your tatay and I don't hate you," she said. "We only want the best for you, and it breaks our hearts that you refuse to grow up."
"Where's my PS5?!"
"We could've bought you one for your 29th birthday, but you keep using up the water and power. We can't pay the bills at this rate and now we have to eat from the ground for food."
"Grass is not enough! I need tech! I need knowledge! I need power! You all gave me NOTHing!"
"Oh honey, didn't I tell you you can go to the library for any of that? Just ask to borrow my car for an afternoon, you can become anything you want."
"You're not listening! You never did! The last time I went there you got mad at me for only checking out romance novels! My life has to be a love story!"
"You won't get any girls if you keep thinking like that. Do you remember the last time a girl came over? It was when you were in middle school. You scared her away because you kept telling her about your fantasies."
"She could have stayed but you made her leave!"
"She asked me if she could leave! Don't blame others for your behavior!" It took a while, but the mother's temper finally blew.
"Okay so I'm the bad guy here. What do you expect me to do? Give up? What do you guys want me to do to be accepted around here?" Her son asked.
The mother buried her face in her hand. "Dear God, why was I stuck with a child like this?"
"NOBODY DISSES ME LIKE THAT, EVEN IN MY PAST LIFE AS 'HENSHINSLAYER'! Those who hate me & my guts GO F*K YOURSELVES!"
She dropped her hand and gave him a cold look. She turned around and reached for the doorknob.
"This is your last warning. I'm giving you one more month to clean your room. If that's not done the next time I see you, I'm giving you chores."
The door shut behind her.
The neckbearded NEET realized he was breathing quickly. Sitting back down in his seat, he took deep breaths to calm himself down.
The attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed. She underestimates my power.
He tried logging back onto Reddit, but remembered a previous encounter where a mod banned him from one of his favorite subs. It seems in his anger, he killed his most recent account.
No matter. All it took to make a new one was a few minutes.
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap. Click.
He smiled a greasy grin as the familiar layout of the website came back on for his new incarnation. From this day forth, the world would know his name. u/KamenRiderCovid2300 had logged on.
A/N: The final one. This ended up being conveniently timed as of this posting, as this was written a few months ago when he'd deleted his geats2200 account, but came back some time later as henshinslayer354. But he recently deleted that account as well, and hasn't come back since, so I didn't have to change the covid joke. I got him to block me on 354 by asking him if he was done preying on children, so I guess that's a no.
When I originally posted this, I accidentally deleted it when I tried editing the picture size, showing his exact comments which I copied word for word for some of his dialogue, so I just summarized what I'd written, with the accompanying pictures properly sized. I didn't even give it a real title, but with the properly written first two omakes, I decided to edit everything and give this chapter an actual story again for when I uploaded it here. While the typos and weeb speak are directly copied from him, I added some Star Wars prequel memes in the end because of how unnatural and weeblike they sound. Coincidentally, he'd posted in a Star Wars sub at least once before deleting himself.
Him being Filipino explains why his English always sounds translated, but nothing explains why he talks like a weeaboo. He once stated that he relates to Vergil because they're both "lonely" and "crave power". When someone told him to touch grass, he said "Grass is not enough! I need tech! I need knowledge! I need power! You all gave me NOTHing!" and referred to his original henshinslayer account as his past life. What a fucking weirdo.
He used to make posts asking how you do Quadruple S or fight Behemoths even though you'd think from posting about the game so much he'd know how to play it. I thought he was just pretending to be a noob so he can get sympathy points, but as it turns out, he apparently doesn't even have modern consoles. He says he's more of a story guy than a gameplay guy, but it's clear he doesn't understand either.
I can't claim to know about his personal life too much, as everything I depict here is based off what he revealed on Reddit as well as stereotypes of a terminally online basement dweller. I don't know what caused his interest in feet or little girls, and probably for the better. Considering that he once made a subreddit dedicated to television spots and ads that featured the bare feet of any girls or women in them and listed the time stamps in which they appear, I've lost all hope for this idiot.
That's it for now. Up next will finally be a new chapter in The New Life, so I hope these omakes were enough to keep you entertained. Omakes won't be a regular feature from here on out, but will likely show up every now and then. But now you know the real life story behind everything. It's certainly not the cleanest or most wholesome of inspirations, but one that has birthed a wave of creativity and fun for myself. So that's one positive I guess.