Time frame: March

Rating: M

Description: Leaving CEDA

"What are you doing in here, man?" Keith asked, still keeping himself as close to the door of this room as he could, just in case he needed to bolt.

Derek sat some things on one of the long counter tops in the middle of the room. This was likely a small, private lab used for something specific. There were two counter spaces with all of the hook-ups on the counter: sink, gas nozzle, etc.

"I was looking down the hall and I found some new clothes. It was time for a change." Derek answered, peeling off his shoes and jacket as he answered.

He proceeded to pull off his scrub top and drop it onto the pile of dirty clothes he was discarding. Just before he slipped his thumbs into the waistband of his pants, Keith averted his eyes to the floor, giving Derek as much unsolicited privacy as he could.

"Couldn't ya have just changed in the other room?" Keith asked, uncomfortable.

"Well, there were still active cameras in that room…mirrors too. I just wasn't into it." Derek replied, rusting a clean pair of scrub pants before stepping into them.

"But changin' in front of me is fine?"

Derek scoffed.

"This is FAR from the first time you've seen me naked, Keith."

Keith continued to stare at the floor until the sound of clothing being put on died away. He looked up again, to a now dressed Derek. He certainly looked much cleaner, almost…happier.

"So, what brings you here?" The dark haired man asked, leaning against one of the work stations.

"I couldn't sleep is all. And you were lurkin around. I was just curious." Keith replied, trying to make his voice sound as nonchalant as he could. This was true. He was only following Derek to make sure he wasn't up to no good.

Derek wasn't so much acting different, but there was a certain 'vibe' coming from him now. He reminded Keith so much of the Derek he knew so many years ago, the Derek he used to be friends with. He was alert again. His breathing was quicker and more pronounced.

"Are you high?" Keith asked. He had to be. This was a mirror image of what Derek was like when he was using crystal meth.

"No. But I'm definitely…feeling better." Came a reply, accompanied by a smile. A real smile, not one of those masks that Derek put on to make people like him. He was actually happy.

When Keith continued to stare at him, he explained in depth.

"This place has quite a collection of medications. When there were more people here, there was often a need to keep them awake and ready for more tests. That's where amphetamines came in. And I found them. I'm sorry, man." Derek answered.

This was a slippery slope. Derek acted one of two ways when he was under the influence of "upper" drugs. He was either like this, happy and friendly, likeable and ready for an adventure. Or he was erratic and mean. Right now, he seemed fine, but those emotions could change in the blink of an eye.

"You were clean. Why the hell did you go back?" Keith asked, becoming upset.

Derek motioned for him to approach where he was standing, still leaning casually on the work-surface.

Keith shook his head.

"Come on. I want to tell you something. I promise I'm good." Derek assured, and his voice truly did sound sincere. The way he was talking was just so soothing. He looked like he was genuinely feeling on top of the world.

Reluctantly, the younger man approached his companion, but stayed at an arm's length away.

"I went back, because I'm having a hell of a time dealing with the side effects of what CEDA made me into. I was perfectly content being me, even if that was bad. But this is awful. It's like having actual people living in my head, trying to teach me things. I can literally hear them, and I can…feel them. But when they're all talking at once, I don't want to listen. I just want to let go and get back to being Derek, not this." Derek replied, motioning to himself.

Keith's confusion was apparent in his expression, but rather than taking off, he stayed.

"Listen man," Keith started, "CEDA fucked up with ya. It's obvious. Every single time I look at you I know you aint the same guy as you used to be. But that isn't all their fault. You were bad before you ever landed in this joint. You chose to be who you were, and now that you have a million Jiminy Crickets in yer head, I can't help but not feel bad for ya." Keith replied.

This was odd. It was like looking into the face of an old friend, a friend that was broken off from you due to horrific circumstances. Like one would see a former friend that has committed an unforgivable act of betrayal, much like when Keith's older brother Paul hooked up with Ellis's girlfriend. Ellis never did forgive him and never looked at him the same after that.

Now he saw that old friend with all of those flaws, but as a patchwork of his former self. Derek was the same person he'd always been, deep down. Only now he was cut apart and forced to bind with pieces that were NOT him. This was a mutated Derek, still housing all the good and all of the bad, but covering those pieces with plastic wrap. He was still there, for better or for worse, but smothered under the identities of all the new DNA he now carried. Those people…CEDA didn't even see them as people, but now Derek had to, because their history was alive inside of him.

"I really am sorry, you know. For hurting you." Derek said, after what was too long of an awkward silence.

Keith laughed, a short, sharp laugh.

"Yer a psychopath, Derek. You don't even understand what sorry is."

"I do, in theory. Keep in mind, being CEDA's guinea pig changed me on a molecular level. Those injections were derived from beings that used to be people. It's kind of like they rewired my brain. I truly feel like I wish I didn't do what I did. Except for the stuff we both consented to. I'm happy that happened. Remember how much fun we used to have?"

Keith nodded, because that was the part of his former friend that he was seeing through the eyes of drugs. He was face to face with the man he trusted when he was still a teenager.

"Yeah, seems like a long time ago."

It really did, like centuries ago.

"Remember when we waited until Paul got baked and fell asleep, and then we went up to your room to fool around? We watched those shitty horror flicks on the Syfy channel afterward because neither of us could sleep." Derek recalled fondly.

"Would it be fucked up to say I missed that?" Keith asked, wishing he'd just kept that to himself.

Yes. Yes, it is fucked up. What are ya doin' here? Run away. This is dangerous.

Derek shook his head.

"Not at all. Those were some good memories. That was one of the few good memories I had until I was with Travis." Derek replied.

"You were with Travis? Wait, Massey or Nilen?"

"Massey." Derek answered, saying the name with utmost affection.

"Eight months before I went to prison, we hooked up. We were both spun, and he had a rip on the inner thigh of his jeans. I was pinning the pieces together and one thing led to another. He was secretly my boyfriend for the next six months…until that ended."

Keith remembered this. Derek and Travis Massey were friends for years. Travis was a really nice guy, everybody knew him. Two months before Derek went to prison, the two of them were walking home from a party when Travis was hit by a car. The guy driving was drunk and didn't see him on the shoulder of the road. Derek was fine, but Travis died 15 minutes later while they were waiting for help to arrive. It was all over the news. Paul mentioned going to see Derek afterward, but having already suffered at his hands, Keith couldn't bring himself to feel sorry about it at that time.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know." Keith responded, trying to be comforting, forgetting the destructive part of the man before him. Now Derek was more like him, having lost his partner.

"Yeah, me too." Derek replied.

There was a long silence between them, a terribly uncomfortable silence. On one hand, Keith was on guard, still feeling the dizzying effect of living through a gunshot wound. On the other hand, he was experiencing more of the signature that Derek's blood left in him, attachment and understanding for someone he usually hated.

"Remember the song that was on the radio the first time you kissed me?" Derek finally said, changing the subject.

Of course he did. That was a memorable moment, back when he trusted Derek, back when he told him things he should never have told.

"Rainbow in the Dark by Dio, of course," was the redhead's answer.

Keith was one of those people that had a radio on in his room 24/7. At first it was just the classic rock station playing nonstop, but as the years went by, his stereo evolved into an MP3 player chalked full of every song he'd ever liked, just played on shuffle.

"You sure knew how to set the mood." Derek laughed, it was a soft chuckle, but still a laugh.

"I was a romantic motherfucker back then." Keith answered.

This was back when he still had hope, before he truly knew the taste of betrayal and pain. He'd planned on using all of these romantic ploys on Ellis, but that never panned out and Derek was there to pick up the pieces, until he shattered everything all over again.

"You were."

It was over. It had been over for years and Keith knew that. He knew that the past was the past and there was no way at all to heal wounds that deep, but he couldn't help but ache inside. Remembering that exciting, self-realizing part of his life, being reckless and intimate with another man made his present situation seem darker.

Having gone without something he needed for so long was weighing heavily on his heart. The love he felt for Ellis, and the way he opened himself to Derek in the past felt like cinder blocks around his ankles.

Then there was Jared. The sweetest man he'd ever met was now gone, and very likely dead. They hadn't even slept together yet, and having been so close to being happy before made him all the more lonesome now.

He'd actually started falling in love again, and now…he was sitting in a lab at 3:00 in the morning, reminiscing with the man that ruined his trust in other men.

This was fucked up.

Why am I here? This is so stupid. I'm just askin for trouble being alone with Derek. I don't want to talk about the past, and I don't want to forgive him for what he did by focusing on the good times we had. Derek really hurt me, and he's a bad person for it. I have to get out of here, now!

"You're breathing really hard, man. You okay?" Derek asked, keeping his voice soft as he took a slow step in Keith's direction.

"Yeah. Just…just wait." Keith answered, holding up a hand to keep his unwelcome companion at bay. His hand connected, flattening his palm against Derek's chest, still cold through the fabric of his hoodie. That motor-like heart was still humming under his hand.

That dizzy, tingling sensation was back and he felt more lost than ever. It almost felt like another seizure was coming on. He felt out of sorts and anxious all while being tired and quite depressed.

"Breathe." Derek whispered, gently pushing Keith's hand down, rubbing up and down his arm over his coat sleeve.

"You're okay."

Please don't touch me.

He's making this so much worse. I need him to leave. I need to be alone, but I hate being alone. It hurts to be alone. I've been feeling so alone for so long. I need something. I need someone to love me.

Overcome by a crushing need for closeness, Keith desperately attempted to back away, to withdraw so that nobody would see how weak he was feeling.

But each step backward felt more uncertain and without fully understanding how point A turned into point B, he found himself in his enemy's arms, being soothed and embraced while he clung to the cold body in front of him, praying that Derek wouldn't be the bad guy this time.

He hated himself for feeling this way, for turning to someone that was proven to be the worst person to trust.

What the fuck is wrong with me? This is sick. I'm sick for even being near him. I'm such an idiot. I deserve whatever happens to me.

But no matter how many times he asked himself why he was doing what he was doing, there was no answer for it. He was just a lonely, desperate human being that made questionable decisions.

Including doing nothing when he felt strong hands tracing slow circles on his back, and holding his breath when Derek's lips brushed his temple, down his cheek, barely leaving a trace as he passed the younger man's mouth before pressing firmly.

It felt…surprisingly good, with basic human needs overshadowing plummeting guilt that threatened to drive him insane. It felt like old times.

This is wrong.

Derek's arms tightened around his waist and Keith's hands went up to cup either side of the other man's face as they kissed more deeply.

It's wrong, but it's something I need.

Their mouths separated, tongues darting out to touch one another before connecting again completely.

When Keith pulled away to take a breath, his companion didn't let up. Instead he moved over the younger man's neck, sucking and nipping at the flesh there, both the burned side and the alternating textures of fresh skin and scar tissue. Derek kissed across his throat, over the white puncture scar over his trachea before running out of skin.

I'm safe. This feels good. I'm strong now. I can take him down if I have to.

Confident hands unbuttoned Keith's shirt, pushing the fabric open before more kisses blazed their way over his shoulders and chest. His back arched involuntarily when teeth pinched one of his nipples before soothing it with a cool, damp tongue.

"You're just as hot as I remember," Derek sighed between kisses, trailing back up to an exposed right shoulder while working open the younger man's belt.

Derek hadn't seen him in years, not intimately. Before, Keith's flesh was almost a clean slate, scars here and there. This was before he'd been on fire twice. This was before he'd been run over with a lawnmower. He was not even close to as hot as Derek remembered him. But it was a sweet thing for him to say.

This is wrong.

"Wait," Keith demanded, coming back to his senses.

I have a boyfriend.

He started to panic, trying to control his breathing, pressing his hands firmly against Derek's chest to back him away, "I can't."

He turned to leave before blackness took over.

"Wake up. Everyone's ready to go."

Keith's eyes slid open, focusing on a pair of shoes in his line of vision. Derek's shoes.

He sat up as quickly as he could. His muscles felt a bit stiff and sore.

"What…why am I-?" He didn't finish his thought verbally.

As he was sitting up against the nearest wall, he tried to retrace all the steps he took the night before.

"I didn't know that you had epilepsy." Derek noted, helping his companion to his feet, sticking close by to be sure he didn't fall again.

"I had a seizure?" Keith asked.

Derek nodded.

"You started acting a little odd. Then you said you needed to sit down. You got real weak and then started seizing. I did the best I could to just keep you from smashing your head. For a second, I thought I killed you."

Derek reached forward, starting to button Keith's shirt back up, trying to make him look suitable to go back out to the others.

Keith noticed that his upper body was littered with love bites and disgust made itself present in the pit of his stomach.

Neither of them mentioned what happened.

Keith zipped up his coat, pulled up the collar, and made sure that he looked straightened out before the two of them left the lab, finding Francis and Rochelle in the hallway by the door. The two looked like the spent the beginning of that morning looting just a bit more before packing up and making themselves ready to make the two-day trek back to their friends.

"You okay, sweetie?" Rochelle asked, noticing how sweaty and lost her accident-prone companion looked.

Keith nodded. He was going to be fine. It was just a seizure. Just a night of horrible judgment and a seizure. It would be behind him later. He'd make himself forget about it. The previous day was like being drunk and stupid. That's what it felt like. When he woke up this morning, he felt like himself again. He felt normal, and as such he felt a searing dislike for Derek, just like he had before this trip took place.

He tricked me. Somehow that's what happened.

"Come on. We're burning daylight." Francis called, hefting all of his loot onto his back before slowly pushing the door to outside open. He scanned the distance for movement and when the coast was clear, the group headed out.

The entire time, Keith did his best to stick with Rochelle, avoiding even speaking to Derek.

He knew that was wrong. He knew I wasn't in my right mind. Derek just got into my head. He knew I was weak.

2 DAYS LATER:

The foursome finally arrived home, after an uneventful trip home. Ellis was outside when they became visible through the surrounding trees. He was taking some items to the trashcan that was still around the back of the building when he saw his friends.

He ran over to Keith, hugging his friend before moving on to Rochelle. He knew Francis wasn't a hugger so he opted to pat him on the back.

"Glad you guys made it home. We were worried." He said kindly.

The group at home had no way of knowing whether or not they'd ever see their four friends again. There was no way to contact them if something went wrong. They just had to hope that in four days, everything would be back to normal and it was.

"Got some good news." Ellis spoke again, smiling wide.

Keith removed the medical bag he was carrying, full of different pills and medical equipment, and handed it over to Coach, who took it back into the shop for the doctor to inspect.

"Really? Well let us in on it." Rochelle prompted.

"We found two more." Ellis replied.

Two more? People? They found two more people while they were gone?

"Who?" Rochelle asked.

Ellis was coaxing the group back into the donut shop, rather than just telling them who made it back alive. Ellis always was one of those irritating 'surprise' people.

The group's friend, John, was sitting on one of the old chairs in the main room. He stood when they entered, greeting each of them.

"Nice to see you guys." He said, happily, but with a tired air in his voice.

"Glad you made it, brother." Francis replied, having enjoyed John's company in the old Zone. The two of them worked together.

"Did you guys see Sid on your way?" He asked hopefully.

Each of them shook their heads.

"She isn't with you?" Rochelle asked.

John shook his head.

"No, we got separated during the fire. I haven't seen her. I don't know where she is but I've been lookin for her day in and day out. I hate thinkin about her out there alone." He replied, sullen.

Sid was still in the woods somewhere? How? She depended on John for so much. He was her voice. The two of them became closer than kin throughout this entire ordeal. From the day Keith met them, Sid an John were almost never apart for more than an hour.

But that meant that there was one other survivor that made it home.

Maybe Zoey?

Or Louis?

The front door to the shop opened and in came a tall, muscular man, carrying with him some dead squirrels, followed in close proximity by Ellis's cat.

Jared.

He was still alive.

He survived the fire.

And now he was here, alive and well.

Jared sat the squirrels down on the nearest table before he crossed the room in only a couple of strides, yanking Keith into a rough hug.

"You're back." He said, crushing the smaller man in his embrace.

Keith hugged him back, but felt almost like he was hugging someone that came back from the dead. He was so sure Jared was not going to make it back. Something deep in his psyche told him that Jared was no longer living, but he was pleasantly wrong.

"Missed you, buddy." Keith replied, settling into the embrace he thought he'd never feel again, taking in all that he could of Jared, replacing the memory he kept with a flesh and blood version of his suddenly not-dead boyfriend.

"I love you so much." Jared whispered, far too quiet for anybody else to hear.