Time frame: A few hours later
Rating: M
Description: Everything is falling apart
Only hours after Ylaina determined the most appropriate round of medication for Nick, he was already starting to feel a bit more hopeful. His mood began to stabilize and he was also helping himself to some of the natural medicine that John offered. The guy kept his marijuana close to him at all times, and was able to save a few bags during the fire. He was more than willing to offer his wares to a person in need.
Sitting on the donut shop's front porch, Nick took a short break to think about his life more seriously. He'd been doing that lately.
"Hey Nick?" Ellis called from the front door.
"Yeah?" The older man answered, taking another puff of the corn-cob pipe he held in his hand.
"Would ya like some company, or are you busy?"
Nick patted the empty wood beside him in reply, and Ellis casually sat down beside his partner.
"I'm going to be okay, now. Everything's fine." Nick said, without prompt.
"And that's great news."
"Yeah," Nick continued, "Ya know, I thought I was getting ready to die for a while. Holy shit."
Ellis looked down at his shoes.
"So did I. I was real worried about it."
Nick knew this. Ellis spent every day at Nick's side since he was found, hovering over him and treating him like he was made out of glass.
"Kid, you were there for me throughout all of this. I'm a sickly old man and still, there you were. I don't know what the hell your problem is, but I'm glad."
Ellis placed his hand over Nick's.
"I love you."
"I know that," Nick answered, "And that's what got me thinking. When I was alone in the woods, I thought about you so much. Seriously, you were my every second thought. It was either thinking about getting out alive, or thinking about seeing you again. It was driving me nuts. Ellis, I never saw this coming. The first day I met you, I thought you were just a doofy ass kid."
"I was a doofy ass kid."
"You still are a doofy ass kid." Nick corrected, "And I fucking love you."
"Aww." Ellis smiled, squeezing Nick's hand.
"That's not all, Coveralls. I want to ask you something. Like I said I've been doing a lot of thinking. And after all this shit is over, I want you to still be with me."
"To the end of the Earth, old man." Ellis insisted, smiling.
"I mean, I want to make a real go of this thing, ya know? This thing we have going on?"
Ellis nodded. Nick always called their relationship a 'thing'.
"You and me are gonna someday get out of this shithole. I'm thinking of taking you up to New York. You'll love it there, kiddo. There's so much to do. It's one of the funnest places in the country, and everyone on the street is just like me, an asshole."
Ellis laughed a brief, shorting laugh.
"On second thought, I don't want you leaving me for a younger model, so we're going to Nebraska." Nick corrected.
"What's in Nebraska?" Ellis asked.
"Lots of corn."
Ellis raised an eyebrow.
"You know I'd never leave ya, right?" He checked, hoping that Nick was kidding. After all they'd been through, it was obvious Ellis was not going anywhere.
"I know. I really do. And to prove it, you should change your last name."
Ellis continued to look a bit lost, tilting his head to the side like a dog.
"My last name, what's wrong with my last name?"
"It isn't my last name." Nick winked.
Ellis kept the same confused face on.
"But I can't even pronounce your last name. Also, I'm not even Italian. Why would I have your last-"
"Goddamn it, Ellis. I'm asking you if you wanna marry me."
The younger man's eyes widened to the size of golf balls and a smile crossed his face.
"Are you serious? Because if you aint, that's messed up."
Nick nodded, turning onto the ground on one of his knees with a lot of struggling until he was perched correctly. Ellis's smile continued to grow as Nick twisted and pulled at one of the many rings he wore, struggling for several seconds before finally pulling it off.
"Your fingers are a bit bigger than mine, so hopefully this one fits." Nick said, taking Ellis's left hand into his.
"This is the gayest thing I have ever fucking done, you know that?"
Ellis didn't say anything in response. He continued to sit there with a dopey smirk across his face.
"Will you?" Nick asked.
Ellis nodded with as much enthusiasm as he could manage as Nick slid the possibly gang-related ring onto his finger, and it fit surprisingly well.
"Well that's good news. I'd hate to be kneeling in the dirt like an asshole if you were about to say no."
Ellis leaned forward and pulled Nick into a quick kiss before wrapping his now-fiance into a hug so tight that Nick couldn't draw in a breath.
"Stay here. I'm gonna go tell the others." Ellis stood up, making his way to the door.
"Already?" Nick asked, surprised.
"I'm happy about this, Nick." He replied, going back inside.
Nick could hear him excitedly telling Rochelle the news as the front door closed.
"Hey Derek?" Keith muttered toward the edge of the woods, where the other man was digging in the foliage for some unknown reason.
"Jeez! Don't sneak up on me, man." Derek replied, standing up and approaching the younger man.
"Didn't mean to, sorry." Keith said softly.
Derek nodded.
"How's your face?" The younger asked hesitantly.
Earlier, when Derek was being introduced to the two members of the group he didn't know, he got a punch to the face as soon as Jared knew who he was. Now the rest of the group had no idea what sort of vendetta was afoot, but they were all behaving awkwardly and asking a lot of questions.
"Two of my teeth are broken." Derek replied, blood still staining his beard.
"I'm sorry."
"Right. I take it he knows who I am?" Derek clarified, "Otherwise I have no idea why I'm sporting broken teeth instead of a 'hi, nice to meet you.'"
Keith nodded.
"Yea, I told him. But had I known you was alive, I wouldn't have said shit. This makes things real awkward…or tense rather."
Derek scoffed.
"It's fine. At least the guy didn't shoot me. He did have a gun on him."
Keith popped the joints of his remaining fingers nervously.
"Listen, I wanted to ask ya about somethin." He started.
Derek didn't reply but it was clear that he was listening.
"About what happened the other day, with you and me. Would it be too much to ask if you didn't tell no one?" Keith started, gauging the other's reaction one step at a time.
"I've never been one to kiss and tell, but can I ask why? Who don't you want finding out?"
"Jared. Please don't tell Jared. It was a mistake, man. A fucked up one."
Derek's eyes were showing interest in the conversation now.
"Is he your boyfriend or something?"
Keith nodded.
"Really?"
Keith nodded again.
"And yet, on two separate occasions, you let me kiss you."
"I thought he was dead, man. I swear that's what I thought. If I'da known, I wouldn't let you lay a hand on me." Keith explained.
He wasn't lying. He really had started believing that Jared was dead. The incident that happened with Derek was a serious mistake. It would never have happened had it not been for the odd sequence of events leading up to it. He regretted it the second it happened.
"But you don't want me to tell him, because somehow that excuse sounds really fucking stupid and he wouldn't buy it for a second?"
Keith nodded again.
"Please, Derek."
Keith was desperate. He had no idea what would happen if Jared knew that he had a moment of weak, selfish bullshit, especially with Derek, the worst person to have a moment of anything with.
"Does he know about our past?" Derek asked, his words were perfectly clear to the other.
"I told him about that first time we made out in my room. And I told him about what happened in the woods that night with you and Jason." The younger man asked, discomfort very apparent in his voice.
"But nothing else?"
"No."
"Honesty is clearly not the best policy with you, is it?" Derek didn't sound upset, but his swirling vortex eyes felt like they were going to swallow Keith whole.
"I'm sorry. It was just a complicated-"
"Complicated? It wasn't complicated. You and me were together before all that shit went down. We messed around for almost a month."
"I know. I was there. Can you just drop it?" Keith was becoming more nervous now.
"No, I can't just drop it. You liked me, mostly because you couldn't have Ellis. But still, you couldn't get enough of me for almost a month, but you're telling your boyfriend that we kissed just once and then I raped you in the woods for no fucking reason."
"No fucking reason justified that-"
"No, it didn't. I did a real bad thing to you and I admitted it. But you're asking me to just let you make me look like the villain here so that you get your happy ending and I get kicked the fuck out of the group." His tone remained calm, but Derek was livid. Keith knew him well enough to know when he was angry.
"You won't get kicked out."
"Why? Are you gonna lie your ass off to everyone else? Tell them some story in your head to make you look like a white knight so that they spare me? I fucking like these people, Keith. I've been in a goddamn lab for 9 months, and now I actually have some friends."
"I know. I'm sorry, man."
Derek sighed.
"Stop saying you're sorry. You're just a liar, Keith Marshall. A big ass liar just to cover the fact that you're deep down as big a piece of shit as I am. You told Jared what suited you. You told him we kissed, when we did everything short of actually having sex, because you bitched out at literally the last second. And to drive the nail in a little deeper, your ass let me go down for some shit you did. I went to jail because of you, kid." Derek explained, as if he never got to talk about this before and all of the issues he had were spilling out.
"I fucking wonder, I wonder if your new boyfriend would forgive you if he knew that you were the 'in-the-shadows' meth dealer of Savannah. You furnished the shit. I never fucking touched it til you offered it to me. You single-handedly turned me into an addict, Keith and when the cops caught me in your makeshift lab, you let me get arrested. You were just shy of 18, you'd have gotten a slap on the wrist, but you let me go down as if it was my meth lab, when you know good and well I was never smart enough in chemistry do create anything more than fire."
"I. Fucked. Up. Derek. I'm sorry. I wish I could take it back."
"Nah, fuck you. You didn't do shit for me. Seriously, it wouldn't have killed you to bail me out, since your ass should have been where I was sitting. My parents disowned me, and the only reason I got out of holding to do what I did to you was because Travis had just gotten back from deployment and bailed me out of jail."
"I know, if I could go back, man-"
"But you can't go back, Keith. You ruined my life, dipshit. And you can't take that back. You were indirectly responsible for my entire downfall. Your little dumbass 18-year old self had all the power, got me addicted to drugs, sent me to jail, and I was still an addict when I got out. I went right back to that shit, and I went to prison the next time I got caught. The next four years of my life were just utter hell. You can't sorry the last half-decade away any more than I can sorry that night in the woods away."
Keith didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to say. Derek was right. He really fucked the guy over. He was a young, stupid kid and let someone else take the fall for one of his terrible ideas out of crippling fear of his dad. He couldn't have faced everyone finding out that he was paying off some of the mound of both medical and household bills he already had by dealing low-quality meth.
"How much of your life has been a lie? For real. You're making up a cover for everything that makes you look like the scumbag you are. Did you lie to Ellis?"
Keith inhaled a deep breath.
"About what?"
"About what- about what happened with you two. You know, on his birthday?"
"We kissed. He knows." Keith explained, voice hardly coming out.
"You kissed? You're a goddamn liar. You don't remember telling me everything that one night? I'm actually surprised that you'd keep that kind of secret from your best friend. You'd think he had the right to know, but-"
"I wanted to tell him. But you shoulda seen the look on his face when I told him we just kissed. He was completely disgusted. He was so drunk and just didn't remember. I didn't have it in me to tell him." Keith tried to explain.
This time, he truly was thinking about someone other than himself. He really loved Ellis and didn't want him to suffer over something that happened when they were both highly intoxicated. If Ellis couldn't remember, Keith decided that it was okay to keep it that way.
"That counts as sexual assault. You know that, right? You were way less drunk than he was, so you were in control. Really, you're no better than me."
"Bullshit. I was hammered, man. What happened was as close to consensual as it coulda been with us both bein so drunk." Keith insisted.
I am NOT like you.
"By the way, he doesn't seem all that disgusted by what he does with Nick. Maybe it's just you. Maybe he was disgusted because he got drunk and hooked up with a loser like you. Maybe he does remember, but just forced it out of his mind."
That stung, and Derek knew it did. Anything to do with Ellis having any less respect for Keith cut like glass and it was what he intended.
"Ya know, unless you're an incredible liar, the truth always tends to come out. And it will. I'll do what you ask, and I won't say a word about any of this to anybody. But I'm fucking done with you. Don't ask me for another thing so long as you live, and if your new squeeze comes at me one more time, I'm spilling the beans. Keep him away from me. I might not be telling on you now, but I'm definitely not taking another punch to the face for you."
Keith nodded quietly, keeping his face downcast.
"But you're going to do a little something for me." Derek smiled, just a half-smirk from the side of his face that wasn't swollen.
"No. I don't wanna let you use me."
"Don't flatter yourself. I was just going to ask you a question, and you're going to answer me honestly." Derek clarified, disgust apparent in his voice.
Keith was silent.
"How does it feel knowing that someone like me is the only person on Earth that actually knows and accepts you?" Derek asked.
"It's Hell. I fuckin' hate it as much as I hate you." The redhead answered, defeated.
Derek seemed satisfied with that answer, not asking another question in return.
"I'm gonna go, now." Keith replied, exhausted at having remained calm.
"Bye, don't forget to zip up your coat. Wouldn't want your boyfriend to see all the hickies he didn't put on you. Whore."
Keith turned and walked away, leaving Derek still angry in the woods.
I'm in a tight spot.
How the fuck am I going to fix all this?
How am I going to get Jared to leave Derek alone?
He wants to bash Derek's head in, and for good reason.
But if he does, and Derek lives, he spills everything.
How am I going to keep Derek's mouth shut?
I can't kill him, and he isn't going to die on his own.
If Jared ever found out…
If Ellis ever found out.
That would be the worst.
I can't lose my best friend. I love him so much.
I got myself into a mess. A big cluster-fuck mess.
I didn't hide all this shit to look like the good guy.
It was shame.
Crushing, deep shame that I was too afraid to face.
I hate myself.
"Hey, I was looking for you." Jared's voice came from off to his left, coming around the back corner of the shop.
Fuck. What a coincidence.
"Well, ya found me." Keith replied, forcing half a smile as he changed his direction, approaching Jared behind the back wall where the trashcans were.
"How ya holding up?" He asked, pulling the smaller of the two into a warm embrace after affirming that nobody was around.
"About as good as you'd expect." Keith answered quietly, melting into the sudden comfort.
"What are we gonna do about him?" Jared asked under his breath.
Keith shrugged as best he could.
"Nothin we can do. The guy is basically a zombie, keeps the other dead people away. Everyone else likes him, n' with that he pretty much earned his keep here. As long as he's around, my friends are safe." Was the only reply he could muster.
It was the truth. There was very little he could do about Derek being around unless he wanted to out himself in regards to what the real issue was between Derek and himself. That was not going to happen. Nobody else was going to find out about what happened, because if they did, EVERYTHING else was going to come out. If the group knew one thing, they'd know everything. There was no way in Hell that Derek would go quietly.
"Are you shittin' me? You need to tell Ellis. Or someone." Jared insisted, pulling Keith back about the shoulders.
"Fuck no, man. Not gonna happen. I told you, cause I trusted ya. Ellis isn't mature about this kinda shit." Keith attempted to explain.
"So, we're just lettin him in?" Jared sounded both angry and disappointed.
"You already busted him in the face. Call it good and let it go." Keith was firm in this point. Nobody was going to find out about anymore of his past. If he had to live in the same quarters as the most terrifying monster he'd ever met, so be it. He wasn't going to lose Ellis or Jared, and Derek wasn't going to tell anybody about all the dirt he had. He might have been many things, but Keith was confident his mouth would stay shut.
"Already busted him in the face? That's supposed to be enough?"
"Listen to me. That's gonna have to be enough. Ya can't be startin' shit with him. If you out him, you out me. And if I get outed, I'm gone. Nobody else can know." Keith's voice was becoming more strained. He was tired of this shit.
I shoulda just kept my fuckin trap shut.
"You have nothin to be ashamed of. Bein a rape victim wasn't your fault." Jared asserted, looking into his partner's eyes.
"You'd think not. But people look at ya different, n' I refuse to be fuckin' damaged goods. This shit aint goin' public, Jared. Let. It. Go."
Jared sighed, letting go of Keith's shoulders.
"Fine, man. If that's what you want, fine. I'll talk to ya a little later. I got some shit to do with John in a bit." He stepped away, motioning toward the building as if John was visible from where they were, before disappearing inside.
Keith heaved out the breath he'd been holding, sagging against the building, the back of his coat scraping against the wood. His eyes welled up, and he furiously dragged his sleeves against his face, wiping away tears before they started to fall quicker than he could move.
He sniffed, refusing to make a sound.
"Fuck." He whispered, still willing himself not to actually cry.
"Hey buddy?" Came a friendly, familiar voice.
"Go back inside, El." Keith replied, voice tight. He did everything he could not to sound like he was crying.
Instead of doing as he was asked, Ellis approached his best friend, concern clear in his expression.
"You okay?" Ellis asked, coming close, only an arm's length away.
Keith turned his face downward, staring at his boots instead of allowing Ellis to see his face.
"I'm fine." He grunted.
Even though he wasn't looking, he could tell that Ellis was skeptical by the way his stance changed.
"How come yer cryin' if you're fine?" the younger man asked, voice gentle and coaxing.
"I'm not cryin" Keith insisted, lying of course.
"Yea you are. What's wrong?" Ellis asked, placing a hand on the shoulder of his friend's coat.
"Nothin, El. Just go back inside." Keith insisted, still barely able to let his voice come out without it cracking.
"I'm not gonna just go back inside and leave you out here like this." Ellis replied, as if this was the stupidest idea he'd ever heard.
"Please, El."
"Nah, please you. What happened?" Ellis's voice was so kind that it made holding back the weep-a-thon that was coming so much harder.
"I can't." Keith replied, voice cracked and squeaky.
"Ya don't have to tell me, then. Just come here." Ellis answered, pulling his friend's pitiful frame into his arms without much protest.
Keith liked when Ellis hugged him, and he felt so incredibly alone at this point that he needed some form of genuine affection from a man he trusted with his life.
He folded forward, burying his face into the collar of his best friend's coat as Ellis's strong arms tightened around him. For the first time in days, he felt safe, felt loved.
"Whatever this is, it's gonna be alright." Ellis assured, holding his friend as he broke into shivers of utter misery, still struggling with all his strength to hold back sobs that were slowly sounding into the air.
"I got ya, buddy." The younger man's kind voice whispered.
Keith took in a deep, shaking breath, exhaling as carefully as he could, but it turned into the same sobs he'd been struggling with, trying so hard not to look weak. That fight was over, though, and he was weak. Weak and afraid, but right now it was alright, just like Ellis said. His best friend was there, and nothing bad had to happen if he just stayed here.
Ellis continued to say kind, soothing words. Continued to keep his best friend held close. He'd always been like this. Even as a little boy, Ellis was the kind of person to offer comfort to people when he knew they were sad or hurting in some way.
Keith almost never cried, so something had to be wrong.
But if he didn't want to talk about it, that was far from Ellis to judge. If he could offer support, that was what he'd do. He'd do it as long as he needed to.