"Wh- what just happened?" Cyrus was in shock. He couldn't be sure but he thought Jonah Beck just kissed him.
"For as long as I can remember, I've walked around with this feeling inside me. I didn't know what it was or what to call it or how to get rid of it. As long as it was there, I never felt… right. Over the past couple years, I've kind of gotten used to it. I guess I just accepted it as part of my life. But, when I'm with you I don't' feel it. I feel… comfortable. I feel right and I don't want that to go away."
Cyrus nodded. "An- and the kiss?"
Embarrassment flashed across Jonah's face. "Oh, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it! That was wrong, I'm sorry!"
Cyrus sighed. "Thank god. I thought I imagined it."
"DON'T TAKE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN!"
The voice came from the living room. "Mom? Are you eavesdropping?"
"Of course not! Don't be ridiculous!"
"She's not!" He heard his dad say.
"Dad? When did you get here?" What is happening?
He saw both of his parent's heads pop out from behind the kitchen entrance. His mom made her way over to Jonah with her hand extended. "Hi, I'm Cyrus's mom." Jonah took it and shook. "We haven't met but I've gone to some Space Otters games with Cyrus. He loves you- IT! He loves it." She looked over at Cyrus and winked. Oh my god. Jonah looked over with a stupid, wonderful grin.
His father soon followed. "I'm Cyrus's dad. I don't know who you are at all."
"Nice to meet you," Jonah said with a nervous laugh.
"So! What're we talking about?" Cyrus's mom asked, grinning ear to ear. Cyrus knew full well that she knew exactly what they had been talking about.
"Mom!" She looked at her son, oblivious. "Privacy? Please?"
"Oh! Of course! Sorry!" She turned to his Cyrus's dad. "Let's leave them alone, honey. I think it's important." She took her husband by the hand and led him passed Cyrus. Before she left, she leaned down and whispered, "We have snacks in the cabinet. Use them well." She patted Cyrus's back and escaped the kitchen.
Cyrus didn't realize it but he had been very tense. It wasn't until he looked at Jonah that he let it all go. He was smiling.
"I love your parents," he said. "That was amazing."
"Come home to it every day and you might think differently." Cyrus looked around. "You hungry?"
Jonah laughed. "No, I'm good." He stuck his hands in his pockets. "So? What do you say?"
Cyrus hesitated- something he never saw coming when he imagined this moment so many times. "What about Andi?" he asked.
"Andi?"
"I thought you were happy with her. She's my best friend. What do I tell her?"
"I was happy!" There was conflict in his voice.
"Obviously not." Cyrus said. He regretted the words almost instantly.
"Or, at least, I thought I was. I don't know. Why do we have to tell her?"
"How could we not? You don't think she'd find out the second she sees us holding hands?"
Jonah let out an irritated sigh. "This is all so confusing." He went over to the table, took a seat, and put his head in his hands. "I thought you would be happy."
Cyrus walked over and took the seat next to him. "Of course, I'm happy! I've wanted this since I met you!"
Jonah lifted his head. Tears were starting to form in his eyes. "Then what's wrong?"
Cyrus opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.
When he told Jonah how he felt, he never imagined a future like this. A future where Jonah Beck turned up in his kitchen asking to be his boyfriend. He had wished for it, sure. But those were just wishes. In wishes, you don't have to think about the consequences. In wishes, your friends don't get hurt and everything works out.
Everyone's happy.
But, if the universe decides to grant your wish, it's almost never how you saw it. Often there are twists. Twists that make you wish you'd never wished in the first place. What you're left with is regret and pain.
Cyrus has now seen Jonah cry twice. Both times in pain and both times because of him. He caused this.
"Jonah… I'm sorry."
Jonah was staring at his hands. "I don't… understand you." There was an edge to his voice. "Why did you tell me all those things? Why did you tell me you have feelings for me only to turn me away when I tell you I have them too?"
Cyrus thought a moment. "I guess I never thought it would actually happen."
"Yeah, well…," Jonah began as he looked Cyrus in the eye. "It did." He got up and left the kitchen. After a moment Cyrus heard the front door open and close. Jonah was gone.
He felt numb.
Please let this be a nightmare.
"Ooooooooh! My baby boy has a boyfriend!" Cyrus's mom came into the kitchen, dancing, followed by his dad. "My boy has a-," her voice cut off when she saw her son. She rushed over to the table and took Cyrus's hand. "Baby, what's wrong? What happened?"
"He left," was all Cyrus could get out.
"Why?" she asked softly and with concern only a mother could have. Cyrus then began to burst with tears and she grabbed him and held him tight. "It's ok, honey. It's ok," he heard her whisper. "It's ok."
The next few days were a blur. Cyrus tried to talk to Jonah but every text, every phone call was ignored. He even tried to go to Jonah's house but he wasn't there.
He wasn't at school Monday, either. He had asked Andi if she had heard anything from him but she hadn't.
"We're not really talking, anyway," she said as she took a bite of her lunch.
"Why?" Cyrus asked. She still hadn't told him about their breakup. Cyrus found that odd considering they told each other everything.
Or, at least, they used to.
"He's been really strange lately. Like he just flipped a switch."
"How so?"
"Can we not talk about Jonah?" Andi pleaded. "I'm sure he's fine…"
"Ok."
Just then, Buffy took a seat at their table. "Hi, friends!"
"Hi!" Cyrus responded with a half-hearted smile.
Andi never looked up from her tray.
Buffy looked over at Cyrus and mouthed, What's wrong with her?
Cyrus shrugged.
After school was over, Cyrus caught up with Buffy at her locker.
"Hey," he said as he approached her. "Can I talk to you?" He was nearly trembling with anxiety. Andi had basically avoided Cyrus the rest of the day and the stress was starting to kill him.
"Can it wait?" she asked as she pulled out her gym bag from her locker. "I have basketball practice."
"Not really. Buffy, I feel like I'm going to explode."
Instantly, she put her bag back in her lock and took Cyrus arm. "Come with me."
She took him outside, where there was fresh air, and toward the bleachers. There was a sort of a nook where he, Buffy, and Andi would hang out after school. He missed that.
"What's going on?" she asked as she eased him to the ground. They sat across from each other and she took his hands in hers.
"I told him," he said quickly.
"Jonah?" She asked. Cyrus nodded. "Ok. You told him. What happened?" Her face grew hard. "Did he say something mean?"
"No!" Cyrus said quickly. Buffy's rage was something to behold. "He would never."
"Then what happened?"
"He kissed me." Buffy's face went to one of shock. "He broke up with Andi and he told me he wanted to be with me because I made him feel right."
Buffy was silent. She was still processing what she had just heard. "Wha- what did you say?" she asked.
"I told him I couldn't."
"What? Why? I thought that's what you wanted- oh." Understanding dawned on her face. "Andi."
Cyrus nodded.
"Cyrus, I'm sorry." She reached over and hugged him. "I know that was very hard for you."
"Is it bad that I wanted to say yes?" he asked. "Does that make me a bad friend?"
"I think it makes you human," she said. "You love him, Cyrus. Love changes us, makes us do things we never thought we would do."
"When did you become so wise?" Cyrus asked as he laid down in her lap.
" A lot of teen dramas."
Cyrus laughed. After a moment he asked, "What do I do, Buffy? I think Andi knows. She won't talk to me."
"I think she's just sad," she said as she began running her hand through his hair. It was what she always did to comfort him. "She loved him, too."
Cyrus knew she didn't intend it to but that made him feel worse. "I'm the worst, Buffy."
Buffy shushed him, gently. "No, you're not, Cyrus. I think you should just talk to her. She deserves to know."
He thought about it and said, "I don't think I can."
"Why?" she asked.
"Were you scared to tell Jonah you had feelings for him?"
Cyrus nodded.
"Then what makes this any different?"
There were still lights on when he got to her house. Bex came to the door when he knocked. "Oh! Hi, Cyrus!"
"Is Andi here?"
"Yeah," she said as she stepped aside. "She's up in her room!"
"Thanks," Cyrus said and walked up the stairs.
He stood in front of her door for several seconds then finally knocked. Andi opened the door and, in that instant, all his courage left him.
"Cyrus? What are you doing here?" she asked.
"I-," he began. "I need to talk to you. About Jonah."
She stood there for a moment as if contemplating closing the door in his face. Instead, she turned and went to sit on her bed. Cyrus took that for an invitation and followed her inside, closing the door behind him.
"So?"
Cyrus sat down next to her. "I'm about to tell you some… things about me. Things you don't know." He felt his mouth going dry already. "It's hard."
Andi just looked at him. Waiting.
"For a while now, I've felt different. Not the usual different, not 'good' different. This is the kind of different that makes me feel like I'm not… the same as everyone else." Quit beating around the bush, Cyrus thought. "This is the part that might be hard to hear, ok?" Cyrus saw her tense as she waited for the blow. She nodded. "A little while ago, I started getting feelings for…" He couldn't say his name. After he said his name, there would be no going back and his life will forever change and maybe he's not ready for that, yet. "For-."
"Jonah," she finished.
Cyrus was stunned. How could she know?Did Buffy tell her? Did Jonah?
"I'll be honest. I didn't put the pieces together until today."
What is she talking about? he thought. What pieces.
"Ever since he and I started dating you haven't been the same." She let out a small laugh, "For a little bit I thought you had a crush on me."
Silence hung in the air for what seemed like hours. Cyrus didn't know what to say. He was still in shock.
"He broke up with me, ya know?" she said nonchalantly. "For so long I wanted to be the girlfriend of Jonah Beck. The Jonah Beck." She shrugged, "And then I was. And it was great! I would have fought a thousand Ambers to keep him. Then I realized, maybe, I was more in love with idea of Jonah than Jonah himself." Andi rolled her eyes. "Bex's words. We had a long talk today. I didn't want to be that person." She let out a sigh. "I knew she was right because when he broke up with me I didn't feel… anything. He was more of a prize than a boyfriend, I guess." Andi made a face. "Realizing that made me feel disgusting. I don't blame him for dumping me. I would've dumped me too." She looked over at Cyrus. "I can't imagine what it must've felt like to see me with him. I'm sorry."
Cyrus shook his head. "Don't be sorry. I just wanted you to be happy."
Andi smiled. "I want you to be happy too." She wrapped an arm around him and pulled him in closer. "Do you still like him?" she asked.
"I don't think it matters anymore," he answered.
"Why?" she asked.
"He hates me."
"Jonah doesn't hate people. Especially you."
Especially me. "Then why is he ignoring me? Where is he?"
Andi was silent a moment. "There's a place he goes to when he's upset."
By the time he got there, the sun was setting over the trees and the park lamps were beginning to come on. Far on the east side was a small clearing and, in the center, was a basket stuck into the ground by a pole. Off to the side was Jonah. He was sitting, tossing frisbees into the basket.
"So," Cyrus began as he approached him. "This is where you've been all day?" Jonah didn't say anything. His focus was completely on the basket. Cyrus had an overwhelming sensation that he should leave and spare Jonah any more pain. "Jonah, I know you hate me-."
"I don't hate you."
Relief swelled within him. "…You don't?"
"Of course not." His eyes were still on the basket as he threw another frisbee.
"I thought you might."
Jonah was aiming another frisbee when he stopped. "Come here." he said. Cyrus followed the command and sat down next to his friend. "Why'd you come here?" he asked. "How'd you find me?"
"I talked to Andi. She knows everything."
Jonah nodded. He didn't seem surprised.
"I'm sorry for the way I acted the other night." Cyrus said.
"This got very out of hand, didn't it?"
Cyrus laughed. "Yes it did."
"Why'd you say no?" Jonah asked.
"I didn't say no."
"Cyrus." Jonah said, pointedly.
"I- I was scared."
"Of what?" Jonah asked, confused.
"Hurting more people."
Jonah nodded. "What's changed?"
"Turns out the people around me are stronger than I gave them credit for. And they care about me. A lot."
Jonah smiled. "Yes, they do."
Cyrus couldn't help but smile, too. "Do you forgive me?"
Jonah considered a moment. "Of course, I do," he said. "Do you forgive me?"
Cyrus looked into Jonah's beautiful green eyes. There was nothing Cyrus could not forgive when it came to Jonah. He was Jonah Beck. "Absolutely. I forgive you."
Jonah smiled. "Good." Together they spread out on the grass and stared up at stars just beginning to dot the sky above them. "Do you like me?" he asked.
"Yes." Cyrus said with no hesitation. "Do you like me?"
"Yes." Jonah turned his head and looked him in the eyes. "That's good enough for me. Is that good enough for you?"
"Yes."
Jonah nodded and smiled. "Good," he said as he took Cyrus's hand in his. "Good."
The end.