I'd like to thank everyone for reading. This will be the last chapter. I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 4 It's Always Sunny Above the Clouds
She tried. She tried very hard to stay away from that house, but she was quite obviously miserable. She tried staying with Harry and Ginny but was chased away with their constant glances of pity and concern. She called up old work friends and went for drinks. She went for long rides on her motorcycle and collected potion ingredients. She even visited Hogwarts to help Neville clean out old green houses, thinking days filled with hard work and sweat would make her too tired to remember.
Nothing she did made her feel any less miserable. Even if she was having an alright day, friends would come up to her and ask if she was ok. Harry had been calling her daily, offering his spare bedroom again and again. Asking if she had eaten today. Where she was going to be. Wondering if she needed company. She was half convinced that he had a tracker spell to keep an eye on her whereabouts just in case
Disgusted with herself, she decided that it would be best to go one last time. She would have to face this head on. She hated having people worry after her. The sun was setting already when she apparated to the sidewalk in front of Grimmuald place. Her chest hurt, and her stomach was in knots but she summoned whatever was left of her Gryffindor courage and pushed open the front door.
The entryway was dark but sound was filtering down from somewhere upstairs. She walked as silently as possible towards the noise until she could make out the lyrics,
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be the one
in somebody else's eyes
but why why why
can't it be
me
The door shut with an almost silent click behind her but the music abruptly stopped. Hermione jumped, and then cleared her throat. She nervously tugged at her sleeves, unconsciously covering the lion's head bracelet that she had bought for herself after trying to say goodbye the first time.
When she got upstairs, the record player was off and there was a big black dog hiding in the darkest of corners.
"Sirius." she took a deep breath, her heart breaking. "I know I said last time was it." she stated walking to the middle of the room. The dog huffed a1 sigh.
"But," Hermione started fidgeting nervously, "I couldn't leave it like that" she hedged. The dog whined and backed further into the corner.
"I tried, but I just think that I need to leave it on some better memories. Maybe actually say goodbye?"
Relief flooded her as the dog sat up and turned back into a man. "On one condition" he stated crossing his arms, "no tears love."
Hermione took a deep breath in and nodded. "Agreed." She averted her eyes as he tried to meet hers and an awkward silence stretched between them. Hermione shifted uncomfortably before pulling out a shrunken record from her pocket.
"I brought a new one" she stated, removing the still warm Eddie Vedder record from the player and slipping Shakey Graves on there instead. Old meets new.
Well
You and I both know
that the house is haunted
yeah you and I both know
that the ghost is me
used to walk around screaming
always slamming all these doors
Well I'm all grown up now, I don't scare easy no more
Sirius chuckled, "sounds like you're as confused as I am." His face darkened as he ran a hand though his hair, it flashed in the moonlight.
"I don't want to do this" he admitted finally, his silver gaze breaking away from the window and meeting her eyes with so much sincerity that she was surprised that she didn't take a step back.
"Visit one more night and humor a silly girl with decidedly silly feelings? Sirius I'm sorry I keep-"
"Saying goodbye?" he stated cutting her off.
Her heart skipped a beat when she heard the reality spoken out loud and her mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to come up with a reply. She struggled between the words that were right and the words that were true. Indecision tugged painfully at her chest. He met her eyes then, finally, as if making a point as she stumbled to find the right words. The sincerity in his gray orbs made her eyes prickle. They spoke more to the grievous situation they found themselves in than she dared speak aloud. In his eyes she confirmed everything she had been feeling hadn't been one sided.
Before she could reply he continued on, tearing his eyes from her, "I know this is not right. You don't deserve this," he started, swallowing nervously as he started a pace in front of the window, "hell, it's not even possible. I'm gone… sort of..." he stopped his pace for a moment before continuing on, his brow wrinkling. He scratched at the grim on his forearm unconsciously. "I don't even know if I should even be having these feelings, but I do" his words poured out in a frantic mess, though his voice was barely above a whisper.
"Hermione, I did too much hiding in my life to stand for it in… whatever this is" he motioned towards the room. He stopped his pace and sent her a pained look. Her breath caught, even if he hadn't voiced it directly she caught his meaning. He looked incredibly out of his element. When he had been alive she had seen him at his worst, but he always seemed to hold on to this tiny level of self control. As a teenager looking to him, he had always seemed to be sure of his actions, even if everyone else was telling him he was wrong. Seeing him this unsure shook her.
"But we can't do this" he finished loudly, abruptly pulling her from her thoughts. He was angry, that was obvious, but he also sounded so sure of himself then. She recognized the flames burning behind his sad eyes.
She raised her chin at him and met those flames with her own, indignation roiling through her, "You don't deserve this either Sirius." she asserted.
He came to a full stop, his back towards her, and finally turned and took two big steps to cross the room. He sent a searching gaze.
"Fate never gives a Black what he deserves. It just dangles impossible possibilities in front of us like a forbidden promise. Maybe this is what I deserve." He stated bitterly. He took a deep breath, splaying both of his hands through his hair, looking tortured.
Her eyes flashed "Don't you say that Sirius Black. Your life was stolen from you the same day it was stolen from Lily and James" she snapped. Of course you deserve to be happy.
Grief in a magnitude that radiated into her like waves, crashed over her through his gray-eyed gaze. His mouth opened and closed before his knees dropped to the floor. He slumped with his back against the window, keenly aware that he might as well be staring at a ticking clock.
From deep in his leather jacket he fished out a cigarette and a Zippo. He lit the fag and took a long drag. His exhale ghosted to just above his head and then disappeared in a depressing show of his ghostly prowess. He watched it disappear with a depressed sigh. His face was clouded in memory as he relived something from his past.
Hermione took a deep breath, the memory of the smell of smoke crossing her mind and fading dismally into the smell of the mildew-ridden house. She crossed the room and poured a drink. A double. The burn of the whiskey a welcome distraction from his morose pose. Silence stretched and she tried to rally against it, determined to end whatever this was on a note that wasn't regret and sadness.
"I flew the bike today." Her soft voice cutting the acute silence.
A small smile curved at Sirius' lips, "It's always sunny above the clouds."
She nodded and poured herself a second shot of fire whiskey wordlessly. She drank before moving cautiously to the opposite wall "it was beautiful. Easier than I thought as well." she commented remembering clammy hands and trembling knees while she stared at a spot on the wooden floor.
Sirius snorted, "you were terrified." he stated.
Hermione smiled, "yes, but it was worth it."
He chuckled and took another drag from his cigarette. "It always was for me too." he said knowingly.
Neither of them knew what to say and they fell into a dismal lull. Hermione's glass clinked as she brought it up from her lips and she watched as Sirius flicked ash onto the windowsill, her heart thudded painfully in her chest.
The horizon was brightening the darkness outside and there they were wasting seconds like they had eternity. Sirius examined her with a searching look, his pile of ash growing on the windowsill.
Pile of ash…
"I thought I said no tears love" he commented and she tore her eyes from the sill.
"Sometimes even Hermione Granger needs to break the rules." she shot back getting up. She felt restless.
"It's almost dawn Sirius. What do I do after that?"
Sirius watched her closely, his eyes blazing with mixed emotions, finally he breathed a heavy sigh and looked down.
"Go home, get a good sleep, drink a big cup of tea and visit Harry. Then book yourself a long vacation. Keep moving until you don't feel a pull towards this place anymore. Go until you feel the pull to keep going and try to be happy. You have earned happy 10 times over. When you find it, hold onto it for your life. I know it's not as easy for people like us as it is for some, but it will make this so much easier if you promise me." He spoke quietly to his knees and then swiftly put the smoke out on the windowsill.
Hermione's eyes misted but she nodded sadly, "I promise I will do my best."
She took a deep breath, but stopped halfway though. Her eyes darted to the still smoking cigarette butt on the windowsill, as a familiar scent filled her. It was faint but it was there. It smelt like Sirius' old cigarettes. She wrinkled her nose and closed her eyes. Yes it smelt faint but it was definitely there. She pinched the bridge of her nose.
Hermione Granger, you are losing your bloody mind.
She opened her eyes and Sirius was giving her a questioning look. She waved it away her eyes snapping to the window again. He followed her gaze, his mouth taking a grim line.
They only had moments left and dread filled her. He stood and awkwardly placed his hands in his pockets, fidgeting side to side nervously, obviously wishing that he could do more.
"I guess this concludes your stint into madness." he stated sheepishly.
"Sirius, thank you, you really helped me, I-" a tear escaped her eye and made a wet track down her cheek. Dawn was creeping towards them at a rapid pace. The garden was full of blush-coloured light. The dew on the overgrown rose bushes sparkled prettily with the encroachment of the sun.
She wiped her eyes swiftly "I broke the rules, sorry I-"
"Don't-" He cut her off swiftly. He glanced behind him at the rising sun and after a moment of hesitation he took a deft step back. "Just keep your promise Hermione. Please" he begged.
Light broke past the window sill and flooded the room. Hermione closed her eyes, her heart sinking. She opened them in a fleeting second and met gray ones full of despair. Then… Nothing.
"Sirius?" she glanced down at the shadow he was making on the floor then back up to his face. His eyes were wide and he watched as he moved his hand up and down and the shadow followed. A grin lit his whole face and he took that hand and held it against her cheek as they both stepped forward in sync, closing the gap between them. His hand was warm and she gasped as his arms engulfed her, protective and safe. He lifted her in the air and she found his lips in a bruising kiss. Her whole body felt electric.
He pulled back slightly, and ran a gentle hand through her hair, "fuck..." he whispered, his gray eyes soft in the warm light of dawn. He looked warm and alive and whole. She melted under his gaze, her heart thudding. "I love you." he stated and she pulled him into a tight hug. He smelt like leather, exhaust and cloves. "How did this?" his voice trailed off as his lips found the soft skin behind her ear. She shivered and kissed him again, not wanting the moment to end.
"Is this real?" she asked. His arms tightened.
"I don't know"
"Please stay"
"I hope so."
She groaned, "I thought I made you up"
She felt him grin into her hair "I'm glad you were wrong love." Warmth spread from the back of her neck all the way to her toes, and he chuckled quietly, before reaching down and grabbing her hips. The warmth of his hands blossomed through her body, a stark reminder of his solid presence.
"I'm glad for this," he motioned to his hands on her hips, he rested his forehead against hers, his eyes blazing "and this," he stated languidly. She cupped his face with trembling hands and kissed him soundly. His lips were velvet and his voice reverberated inside her and she shivered as he groaned "Godric..."
"Please stay." she pleaded again.
"Any way I can" he promised running a hand through her soft tresses. A contented sigh left her unchecked and he chuckled deeply.
"It feels wrong that this should feel so right." He confessed, and she laughed along with him, watching him pull a hand through his hair in a motion she had become so familiar with over the past weeks.
She couldn't seem to shake the smile on her face, "I think this is you getting your life back..." she murmured, reaching up and taking his hand.
"You too Mione." he stated earnestly, meeting her eyes. A blush spread across her features, and he smiled at that, looking cocky. "As long as this isn't just some convoluted dream..." he amended.
Hermione reached for her wand, "lets find out then" she stated knowingly. She didn't even have to think of a happy memory to produce her patronus. "Harry you need to meet me at Grimmauld" she stated and sent it off into the light of dawn.
Sirius watched it go, his eyes bright.
Hermione on the other hand began to pace, the wheels in her brain beginning to turn. "I don't understand how this happened. You died. You've been gone 10 years-" she started. "As far as I'm aware nothing like this has ever happened before"
She glanced at him and he shrugged, "Not that I know of either" his voice quiet.
Both of them jumped at the sound of a closing door, reeling to the source of the noise. "Hermione Jean Granger, brightest witch of her age, one third of the so-called Golden Trio and it takes this idiot to figure it out." Harry stepped into the light, his arms crossed and a smug grin on his face.
"Love Hermione. You brought him back with love" His grin widened and he walked over to the couple.
"I missed you" he stated and he and Sirius embraced laughing.
"Harry you did it! I knew you could defeat Voldemort. I could not be prouder of you pup! James and Lily too."
"You haven't aged a day!"
"So Hermione tells me."
Harry turned to Hermione, he was positively glowing, "so this is what was going on. This is what you were trying to run from" He froze when he saw the look on her face.
"I thought I was imaging him," she whispered. A thought struck her and her eyes narrowed,
"You got here rather fast" she stated crossing her arms.
Harry had the decency to look sheepish. "I was worried about you. You had been acting strange." he crossed his arms back, mirroring her pose. Sirius was laughing silently at him and Harry rounded on him. "I can see why now." Harry stated no longer able to maintain a straight face.
"This is… Altogether mad" Harry added his green eyes sparkling brightly.
Hermione nodded her agreement before a thought struck her, "Harry what do we tell everyone?"
Harry frowned, "Exactly what happened."
"What about- oh Merlin, what about Teddy?"
"Hermione what do you mean?"
"What if I could have brought-"
"Don't dare say it 'Mione! It's not like you did this purposefully. You have been miserable since the day we killed Voldemort. You deserve to be happy!" Harry stated seriously.
Hermione opened her mouth to argue but he cut her off "Our house at 6 for supper." he finished seriously, "and you better show up. Both of you" shooting Sirius a last grin. Harry waved and winked before he apparated out of the house with a pop.
Sirius was laughing at the exchange his eyes wrinkling in good humour, "He's more like James then he'll ever know." His hands snaked down to grasp her hips and he pulled her forward until they were cloaked in golden light, "Mione," he whispered, "let's get out of this bloody, flea-ridden, musty shit hole."
Hermione laughed, "Bike ride?" she asked sheepishly.
His lips pressed gently to her forehead.
"Thought you would never ask, love."