Chapter 13: The Body Forever

February 27, 2001 – Tuesday

Summers Home

Buffy entered through the front door, dropping her coat and her bag. "Mom? Hey..." she called out. She noticed a bouquet of flowers near the door and looked at them curiously. She spotted a card that read: Thank you for a lovely evening. See you soon (?) - Brian.

She smiled with only a tinge of sadness. "Still a couple of nice guys out there..." she muttered to herself. She walked over to the bottom of the stairs and looked up at the second floor. "Hey, flower-gettin' lady! You want me to pick up Dawn at school? Mom?"

There was no response from her mother. She turned and walked toward the living room. She spotted her mother lying sprawled out on the couch. "Oh! Mom. What are you doing?" Again, there was no response, causing her to stop as panic began to set in. "Mom?"

Buffy looked at her mother, saw Joyce's eyes were staring at the ceiling and that Joyce looked deathly pale. She stood there, rooted, as realization began to creep in. "Mom? Mommy?"

Suddenly Buffy rushed to her mother's side. "Mom! Mom!" she cried shaking Joyce, grabbing her mother's face, feeling her head, listening for breath, an unconscious mantra running under her own breath. "Mom! Mom! Mom!"

She felt for a pulse in Joyce's neck, not really sure what she's doing, panic rising, she shrieked, "MOM!" Breathing hard, she got up and made her way, quickly but not altogether steadily, to the kitchen. She grabbed the phone and dialed 911.

Buffy headed back into the living room as the other end of the phone rang until… "911 Emergency—"

"Hello?" she spoke into the phone.

"Do you have—"

"It's my mom," Buffy informed the 911 operator. "She's not, she's not breathing!"

"Is she conscious?"

Even though the operator couldn't see her, she shook her head. "No, I can't—she's not breathing—" Buffy informed her.

"Okay, I need you to give me your address—"

"What?" Buffy questioned slightly confused on what the operator wanted.

"I'm gonna send an ambulance over—"

"1630 Revello," Buffy answered. "It's a, a house. Revello near Hadley."

"I'm sending a unit right away. Are you alone in the house?"

"Yes—" Buffy answered.

"And did you see what happened? Did she fall?"

"No, I came home—what do I do?" Buffy pleaded.

"Do you know how to administer CPR?"

I—I don't remember—" Buffy stuttered, trying to remember if she did know how to perform CPR.

"Okay, it's very simple. You want to tilt your mother's head back. Cover her mouth with yours and breath into her mouth—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know this, God—" Buffy said as she dropped the phone on the coffee table. And then she had a thought that appalled her. "Lynn!" she called out as she rushed to Joyce and tilted her mother's head back. She put her mouth to Joyce's and blows, twice. Then pressing her palms to the middle of Joyce's chest she pumped, rapidly 15 times.

She heard the sound of orbing as Lynn appeared behind her. "Buffy?" Lynn said and then she saw Joyce and understood. She rushed to the Summers matriarch and held her hands over Joyce. She watched her hands frowning, they weren't glowing, she was too late.

"I'm sorry, Buffy," Lynn said as she dropped her hands to her side.

Unable to believe what Lynn was telling her, Buffy resumed performing CPR. She breathed again, then pumped, more powerfully. They both heard the sound of something cracking.

"Oh God..." Buffy sobbed. She scrambled for the phone. "Something cracked!" she said into it. "I did it too hard—are you there?"

"Hello?"

"Something broke!" Buffy told her.

"911?" Lynn asked as Buffy nodded. She took the phone from her unofficial charge just in time to hear the operator ask, "Is she breathing?"

"No," the Witchlighter answered.

"Who's this?" the operator asked realizing she was now speaking to someone else.

"My name is Lynn. I'm a family friend," Lynn answered.

"Alright, paramedics should be there in a moment. You might have cracked a rib, it's not important—"

"Lynn, she's cold," Buffy informed her sister's girlfriend.

"The body is cold?" asked the operator having heard Buffy.

Buffy took the phone back from Lynn. "No, mom—should I make her warm?" she questioned.

When the operator answered Buffy could tell there was a slight change in tone, less urgency. "No, if she's not responding to the CPR, best thing is to wait for the paramedics, okay?"

"Well, when are they coming?" Buffy questioned.

"They're very nearby."

Lynn heard a car approaching, she stood to look out the window and watched as it passed by.

"You just hang on... it won't be long..." the operator informed Buffy.

"I have to make a call," Buffy said as she ended the call.

"Giles?" Lynn questioned as Buffy nodded. "I'll call. You go sit in the kitchen. You don't need to be in here right now." Buffy slowly nodded as she left the room. She dialed Giles' number.

"Hello?" came Giles' voice from the other end a moment later.

"Giles, it's Lynn. I got a call from Buffy. The urgency prompted me to orb here straight away," Lynn informed him. "Buffy and Dawn's mom, something happened." It was then that the Witchlighter heard the approach of another car, this time accompanied with the sounds of sirens. "Ambulance is almost here." She ended the call as she moved quickly to the door, opening it and looking out.

Buffy stood in the doorway to the living room, she too had heard the approaching sirens. She noticed her mother's skirt was hiked up in a slightly unseemly way. Quickly she rushed over and straightened it out.

"She's in here," Lynn said as she led the paramedics into the living room.

The paramedics rushed over to Joyce. One of them felt for a pulse in the neck and wrist while the second moved the coffee table out of the way.

"I'm getting no pulse," said the first paramedic.

"Let's lay her out..." said the second.

They grabbed Joyce at shoulders and legs and lay her on the floor. Lynn moved beside Buffy and wrapped an arm around her girlfriend's sister. "I'm sorry," Lynn whispered into Buffy's ear. "I'm sorry I couldn't heal her."

They watched as the first paramedic started CPR while the second get equipment ready. "How long has she been like this?" the second asked Lynn and Buffy.

"I—I found her—a few minutes—" Buffy said haltingly.

"Was she conscious?" he asked.

"No, she—no," Buffy answered.

"I'm bagging her—" the first told his partner.

"What?" Buffy asked in clear shock.

"We're going to intubate, just trying to get her to breathe. Is this your mother?" the second told them.

"Joyce is Buffy and her sister Dawn's mother," Lynn answered. "I'm a family friend."

"Does she have any serious physical health problems, any history—" the second questioned.

Buffy glanced at Lynn as if to ask, 'can you answer?' She wasn't sure her voice could handle talking in that instance.

"She had an operation three months ago to remove a tumor," Lynn answered.

The second paramedic nodded as he moved to help his partner, who had just intubated Joyce and placed an oxygen mask over Joyce's nose and mouth. He began hooking up an EKG as Lynn and Buffy watched.

The first paramedic shot a look at his partner, they both know the same thing Lynn had realized when she couldn't heal Joyce. That they were too late, that Joyce was dead.

"She's cold, man..." the second told his partner. "Call it." He got up to face Buffy and Lynn. "I'm sorry..."

"What else? What now? What do we...?" Buffy started.

"I'm sorry, but I have to tell you that your mother is dead," he informed her reluctantly.

Buffy turned into Lynn and buried her face in the Witchlighter's shoulder.

"It looks like she did die a good while before you found her, there's nothing you could have done," he informed them. "I'm guessing it may have been an aneurism, or some clotting, some complication from surgery, she probably felt very little pain. I'm going to call it in, the coroner's office will come by to take her in and they'll determine the cause of death conclusively."

The first paramedic had been packing up when his radio squawked, "Dispatch seven, we have a 206, what's your status?"

"We're moving," the first said.

"Location is Beaumont and Ninth, your vic is on the street, go now."

"Okay," the first answered before turning to his partner. "We got to fly."

"I'm going to call right away, but the coroner's office could take a little while," the second informed Buffy and Lynn. "The police may come too, for a report. In the meanwhile, you should sit, have a glass of water... Try not to disturb the body. Do you two need anything? Is there someone you two can call?"

"We already have someone coming," Lynn answered.

"Let's go," the first paramedic ordered.

"I'm very sorry for your loss," the second said as he and his partner headed out the door.

"Would you like me to go back to school and tell Dawn?" Lynn offered.

"No," Buffy answered. "I should do that. Can you wait with mom till…?"

"Of course, Buffy," Lynn said as she waved her hand at Buffy. "School!" she called out and Buffy orbed out.

Lynn turned and looked at Joyce's body. "I'm sorry, Joyce."

She walked into the dining room and sat down at the table so she didn't have to look at the body.

"Buffy! Lynn!" came Giles voice as he walked through the front door. He spotted Lynn in the dining room. "What is it? Is it Glory?" He stopped, puzzled by the stillness, by the fact that she's calmly sitting at the dining room table.

Lynn stood and turned toward the Watcher. "Buffy went to school to tell Dawn. I'm waiting for the coroner."

"What?" Giles said confused. "Lynn, I'm not—" He looked around and saw Joyce lying on the floor of the living room. "God—" He instinctively moved toward Joyce.

"Giles!" Lynn called out before Giles could reach the body. He orbed out and orbed back in next to her. "She's dead," she informed him. "Paramedics have already been and gone. I even tried to heal her. Buffy found her too late."

Giles turned and looked at Lynn, saw the tears in the Witchlighter's eyes. He wrapped his arms around her.

Sunnydale Junior High School

"Have you studied at all for Geometry?" Lisa asked as she and Dawn walked toward their next class of the day.

"Some. It's pretty much baby stuff," Dawn admitted.

"I don't have a math brain," Lisa reminded her friend.

"We can go over it during study hall—" Dawn offered.

"Kirstie alert…" Lisa informed her friend as they passed a fellow classmate, who was hanging with a couple of her friends.

"Hey, Dawn," Kirstie said.

"Hey," Dawn answered.

"How're you doing? You okay?" Kirstie wondered.

"Good, thanks for asking," Dawn answered as she and Lisa passed the group. "Bee-otch..." she whispered to Lisa who nodded in agreement.

They walked into art class, they went to their easels that had been set up for drawing a plaster of paris statue of a nude woman.

"Okay, remember, we're not drawing the object, we're drawing the negative space around the object," the teacher said as she wandered around the room. "We just draw the edges of the figure, and then give me a sense of the spaces around, the space in between.

Dawn started sketching the outline of the statue. "Hey," the boy beside her said.

She barely looked up, a little confused about who he's talking to. "Oh. Hey Kevin," she answered after a moment.

"What's going on?" Kevin wondered.

Dawn shrugged. "Negative space," she answered.

"Yeah, what's that all about?" Kevin questioned as he watched her draw. "That's pretty good."

"Thanks," Dawn said sincerely.

As he examined Dawn's picture, Lisa picked her drawing up, intently staring it as though to figure out what's wrong with it. She angled it toward Dawn and the Ranger can see that Lisa had written, 'He wants you.'

Dawn rolled her eyes and mouthed, 'I'm gay, remember?' She didn't notice that Buffy was walking down the hallway on the other side of the glass that separated her from the hall.

Buffy walked into the room and quietly whispered to the teacher who nodded. She turned and walked over to Dawn. "Dawn."

Dawn turned to face her sister, surprised.

For a moment, Buffy just looked at Dawn. "I have to talk to you."

"Well, what - can't it wait? I'm in the middle of class..." Dawn told her sister.

"I know. Please come with me," Buffy said.

Dawn looked back at her friends, then put down her charcoal. She then turned and followed Buffy out of the room. "I thought Mom was going to pick me up…" she said as Buffy closed the door behind them. "What's going on. Something's going on."

"Let's go outside..." Buffy informed her sister.

"No. Tell me what's going on," Dawn countered.

"Dawn, it's important," Buffy told her. "Too important to be said here, please."

Dawn looked at her sister for a long moment. Buffy had never pulled her out of class before. Usually if Buffy needed something, she would have used her wrist communicator to contact her. Which meant this had to be really important for her sister to come see her in person. "Okay," she said.

They walked through the school and out the front doors. Buffy led Dawn around the side of the building away from any curious onlookers. "I have…bad news. Mom had an accident, or a, something went wrong from the tumor..."

"Is she okay?" Dawn questioned. "Is she—but she's okay…but it's serious but…"

Buffy sighed as she pulled her sister to her and wrapped her arms around Dawn. "Dawn, Mom died this morning. While we were both at school, she—"

"No…" Dawn sobbed.

Buffy knew how Dawn felt. For like herself, Dawn saw the faces of everyone they had been unable to save. Their mother was now another face added to the group. "I don't know exactly what happened, but, she's dead…"

"No," Dawn screamed. "No, no, no, no! You're lying. You're lying, she's fine. She's fine and you're lying. Oh no, please." She sobbed uncontrollably, none of her screams or pleading or anything making a dent in the wave of grief crushing her, she half fell, half sat right there on the ground, Buffy coming down with her.

"Dawnie..." Buffy cried as fresh tears glistened on her cheeks.

"Did she…" Dawn started. "Did she suffer?"

"I don't know," Buffy answered reluctantly.

Sunnydale Hospital

"Anything we can do ..." Xander said as he hugged Buffy.

Dawn put her arms around Tara and hugged her. "I'm glad you guys came ..."

Willow moved to hug Buffy as soon as Xander stepped away. "I love you so much ..."

"I know ..." Buffy said as she and Willow pulled apart.

"And ..." Willow said wanting to say something about Joyce.

"I know." Buffy said.

"They're not telling us anything." Dawn said as she hugged Lynn.

Giles was a bit surprised as he found himself being hugged by Anya, tightly. He hugged her back before noticing the doctor was waiting by the door to the morgue. "Doctor ..."

Dawn looked up sharply, she's not sure she wanted to hear what he had to say. But she walked with Buffy and Giles toward the doctor as their friends hung back.

"Okay, I've examined your mother's body. The on-site report seems to be more or less accurate. Your mother did have what looked like an aneurism, a sudden hemorrhaging from a ruptured arterial vessel near the, where the tumor was removed."

Buffy wrapped an arm around Dawn. "Shouldn't we have known about that, that it was a danger..." she questioned.

"Sometimes these things are detectible and sometimes they're not. Joyce was aware of the possibility of a rupture, and the effects. She didn't even get on the phone so clearly this was very sudden. She may have felt a little nausea and probably passed out as it happened. I doubt there was much pain, and even if someone had been by her side it's doubtful this could have been dealt with in time."

"Well, thank you, Doctor..." Giles said.

"You're sure there wasn't a lot of pain?" Dawn asked.

"Absolutely," the doctor said. "I think we can be almost positive about that."

"What, ah, what needs to happen now?" Giles asked.

"Well, there will be some forms, and some decisions you'll need to make..." the doctor informed them.

"Buffy," Giles cut in looking at the elder of the Summers sisters. "Why don't you let me handle those as much as I can."

Buffy nodded. "Please," she said, thankful Giles was there.

"We will need you to sign a couple of release forms –"

"Yes, thank you, Doctor –" Giles cut in again before once again looking at Buffy. "I'll figure out which ones you need to see."

"We'll be here." Dawn said as she put her arm around her sister.

Giles and the doctor walked away from the sisters as Buffy and Dawn rejoin their friends.

"What'd the doctor say?" Lynn wondered as she wrapped an arm around Dawn.

"Nothing. I mean, it was what they thought. From the..." Buffy informed them, "…the tumor..."

"Why don't we sit down." Willow said as she put her hand to Buffy's arm. She and Lynn led the sisters to a seat.

"Giles is going to go over the paperwork." Buffy said as Lynn and Tara sat on either side of her and Dawn.

"Man, if there's one day they should not give you homework..." Xander said.

"I don't think we'll have to stay here very long." Buffy said.

Dawn looked toward the door leading to the morgue. She knew she shouldn't wander around the hospital. But she would love to have a private moment to herself to say goodbye to her mom. She turned attention back to the group and the conversation when she felt Lynn give her hand a squeeze. "If you guys will excuse me," she said standing up. "I need to use the restroom."

"Lynn, why don't you go with her," Buffy suggested.

"That's okay, Lynn," Dawn countered as she stood up and headed for the bathroom next to the doors that led to the morgue.

"I think maybe she's mad at me or something," Buffy admitted watching her sister for a moment.

"Because you're the one that told her?" Willow wondered.

"How'd she take it?" Xander questioned.

"Meltdown," Buffy answered. "At first she didn't want to believe it. I think its slowly setting in. My sister is too much like me."

"How so?" Willow wondered.

"Like me, she sees the faces of those she couldn't save," Buffy answered. "Now she has one more face to add to that."

"I wish that Joyce didn't die," Anya blurted out as everyone looked at her, clearly uncomfortable. "Because she was nice and now, we all hurt."

"Anya, ever the wordsmith..." Xander said as he wrapped an arm around his girlfriend.

"Thank you," Buffy said, clearly not even the slightest bit offended.

"Do you want anything? Something to eat, or a soda?" Willow wondered.

"Maybe..." Buffy shrugged. "I honestly can't tell."

"I think you should try to eat something..." Willow insisted.

"Well, maybe Dawn could use a snack..." Buffy agreed.

"I'll see if there's something. Xander, do you have any money?" Willow asked looking at her friend.

"We'll come with," Xander answered indicating himself and Anya.

"We'll be real quick," Willow added as she, Xander and Anya walked off.

"I'm sorry you have to go through all this," Buffy said between Tara and Lynn.

"You don't have to worry about me," Tara said patting Buffy's hand comfortingly.

"Or me, Buffy," Lynn added.

"Everyone wants to help... I don't even know... if I'm here..." Buffy admitted as she looked down at her hands. "I don't know what's going on. I've never done this - Well that's just an amazingly dumb thing to say, obviously. 'I've never done this before.'"

"I have," Tara admitted reluctantly.

"Your mom?" Lynn questioned remembering one thing her fellow witch had told her.

Tara nodded. "Yeah," she said. "She died when I was seventeen."

"I didn't know that," Buffy admitted. "I'm sorry—"

"No, no," Tara interjected. "I didn't mean to—I'm only telling you because, it's not m-my place, but... there's things, thoughts and reactions that I had, that I couldn't... understand, or even try to explain to anyone else. Thoughts that made me feel like I was losing it, or like I was just a h-horrible person. I know it's different for you, because it's always different, but... if you ever need..."

"I've only gone through this with my grandparents," Lynn said. "But if you and Dawn need me, even if its just a shoulder to cry on. All you have to do is call."

Buffy nodded, gratefully before looking at Tara. "Was it sudden?" she asked as Tara looked at her in confusion. "Your mother..."

"No," Tara answered quickly. Then she took a moment to think about her answer. "And yes. It's always sudden."

0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0

Dawn emerged from the restroom. She saw Buffy, Lynn and Tara talking, none of them looking in her direction. "If I want to say goodbye, now is the time," she told herself as she headed through the nearby doors and down the hall.

She passed a few doors till she found the right one and after a moment of hesitation she opened it and walked inside. She shut the door behind her and locked it. She saw an examination table at the other end with a body covered by a sheet. She walked toward it slowly. She reached for the sheet, but stopped as her hand shook, unsure of whether she can go through with it.

Unseen by Dawn a corpse on a table behind her sat up. He took a moment to take in his condition and his surroundings before spotting Dawn, hunger flickering in his eyes. He slowly got off the table, the sheet that had been covering him falling away from him.

As he closed in on her, Dawn finally realized she's not alone. She reached around her back and grabbed her morpher. "It's Morphin' Time!" she called out as the vampire grabbed her, causing her to drop her morpher.

0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0

Willow and Anya returned to Buffy and Tara loaded with sodas, vending machine sandwiches, Twinkies and candy bars. Xander wasn't too far behind them with two cups of vending machine coffee.

Buffy looked at the cornucopia, nonplussed.

"We panicked," Willow admitted as Buffy nodded. "Take anything you want..."

"The sandwiches are meat," Anya informed the Slayer.

"I'm just not hungry," Buffy interjected with a sigh.

"What about Dawnie?" Willow wondered looking around for the Ranger.

"She still in the bathroom?" Xander asked.

Buffy looked toward the bathroom. "I guess..." She looked around, knowing something was wrong. "Lynn, where is Dawn?" she asked her sister's girlfriend.

Lynn closed her eyes as she used her Whitelighter senses to find her girlfriend. "The morgue. And she's in trouble." She grabbed Buffy's hand and she orbed out with the Slayer.

0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0

Dawn was struggling in the grip of the vampire as Lynn and Buffy orbed into the morgue. He was about to bite down when Buffy wrapped her arm around his neck trying to pull him off Dawn. Lynn grabbed his face and together they got him away from the younger Summers sister.

He swung at Lynn hitting her in the face and knocking her to the ground, then he elbowed Buffy, doubling her over.

Dawn flew forward hitting the table with Joyce's body and pulled the sheet to reveal her mother's face. She hit the ground hard and scrambled to grab her morpher. "It's Morphin' Time!" she called out again. "Zeo Ranger Six, White!" she finished as the morphing sequence initiated.

The vampire grabbed Buffy by the throat, she grabbed his hands but she was obviously not at full strength. As she got to her feet, she kneed him in the groin. He screamed and threw her away from him.

"White Zeo Power Sword!" the White Zeo Ranger called out as the sword was beamed into her hands. "Hey," she yelled at the vampire. He spun to face her just as she swung the sword. As the sword sliced through his neck he burst into flames before exploding into ash.

"Dawn?" Lynn said as she helped Buffy to her feet. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," the White Zeo Ranger answered. "He came upon me unexpectedly. Knocked my morpher out of my hands." She sighed. "Power Down!" She de-morphed.

Dawn turned and looked at her mother's body. "I only wanted to come and say my goodbyes in private, you know."

"I know," Buffy said as she and Lynn walked over to her sister.

Lynn wrapped her arms around both of her charges and held them, grieving with them for the loss of their mother.

February 1, 2001 – Thursday

Funeral Home

Dawn moved through the darkened room full of coffins. As she stopped in front of one the lights came on. She started as if spooked for a second before she saw Buffy and Giles followed by the funeral director.

"Dawn. There you are …" Buffy said.

"Are you alright?" Giles asked.

"Yeah. I … That one, Buffy." Dawn said as she pointed towards a coffin.

Buffy looked at the coffin that Dawn was looking at and then nodded. "That one."

"That model is beautiful. In fact, all of the caskets in this room are top of the line. However, given your budget, it might not be the—" The funeral director said. Giles raised a hand and stopped him, silently indicating that he would take care of it. "It's a fine choice. It speaks to your deep feeling for the deceased."

Giles laid a reassuring hand on Dawn's back as they followed after Buffy and the funeral director.

Summers Home

Buffy, Dawn and Giles sat at one end of the table going over paperwork and reviewing Joyce's funeral arrangements. Buffy and Dawn were both looking stressed and exhausted—but they were glad for the work at hand. Xander and Willow sat at the other end of the table eating a casserole.

"I checked prices with a few different florists. The funeral home is competitive," Giles said.

"Let's just go with them, then. It's simpler." Buffy said.

"Let's go with white flowers." Dawn said. "They're nice."

"Okay," Buffy agreed. "What about an announcement? People are going to be expecting a wake after the burial if we don't say something."

"We could put a line in the program. Expressing your mother's preference not to have one," Giles said.

"There's no wake?" Willow asked, surprised.

"Mom didn't like them." Dawn smiled a little as she said that. "She said pot lucks are depressing enough as it is."

It is just then that the phone rang. Neither sister moved to answer it as they looked at Giles.

"Can you? I mean, unless it's Dad," Buffy said as Dawn nodded.

Giles nodded. "Of course." He picked up the cordless phone as he answered it. "Hello? Yes … They did. Thank you … The service is tomorrow at three. Do you know the Brown Brothers Mortuary …?" He trailed off as he moved into the living room.

"I can't believe he hasn't called yet," Buffy sighed.

"Your Dad's still AWOL, huh?" Xander asked looking at the sisters.

Dawn nodded. "The number he left for us in Spain is no good. And Buffy and I've left messages all over the place. We even wanted to try his girlfriend's place, but we don't have that number."

Buffy sighed. "What do you think?" she asked her sister. "Just a line that says following the burial, there will be no wake—or gathering? Or, maybe there will be no gathering at the request of Joyce? That's lame."

Willow started to clear the dishes as she came and went from the kitchen.

"How about … At the request of the family, there will be no wake following the burial?" Dawn suggested.

"Good. It's got flow," Xander said as he moved next to Buffy and Dawn.

"Where do we put it? On top, here? Or on the bottom?" Buffy asked as Dawn shrugged.

0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0

Dawn made her way into the foyer and noticed the mail on the floor next to the mail slot. She picked it up and walked back into the dining room as Giles returned. "Buffy." Buffy looked up at her as she handed her sister the mail. "It's all for mom."

Buffy looked down at the mail in her hands and then up at Dawn. "Thank you." She looked to Giles. "Do we call the post office about this? Maybe we need to fill out a form or something."

"I'll call tomorrow. First thing." Giles said.

Buffy sighed. "I haven't even started to think about the bills and everything …"

February 2, 2001 – Friday

Summers Home

The next morning Dawn sat next to Buffy on her sister's bed as they held each other and stared off into the distance.

Restfield Cemetery

Hours later Buffy and Dawn, both looking small and vulnerable, stood next to Joyce's grave with the Scoobies and a fair-sized group of people that Buffy and Dawn were sure were their mother's friends, some were even Gallery patrons who had come to pay their respects. Buffy had her arm around Dawn, offering what comfort she could.

"… we commend to almighty God our sister Joyce Summers …"

Buffy held her tears trying to be strong for Dawn. She felt her sister quietly sobbing as they stared at Joyce's coffin as it began its descent into the ground.

"… and we commit her body to the ground …"

A man dug into a pile of dirt with a sharp, gravelly crunch and then cast it onto the casket.

"… earth to earth …"

Dawn started as the dirt hit the top of the coffin. She turned away into Buffy's side, unable to handle the situation.

"… ashes to ashes …"

Dawn looked up at Buffy and saw her sister staring ahead. She could tell Buffy was putting on a brave face for her.

"…Dust to dust. The Lord bless her and keep her, the Lord makes his face to shine upon her and be gracious to her, the Lord lift up his countenance upon her and give her peace. Amen."

"Amen."

Giles, Xander, Willow, Anya and Tara made their way to Buffy and Dawn as they hug the sisters and speak soothing words to them. They are followed by many other people. But the girls don't really hear much. They're lost in a sea of unfamiliar faces and hands.

Dawn nodded absently to a man who talked to her while she watched as a workman continue to fill Joyce's grave. Next to her a woman is talking to Buffy, who gives Buffy her rosary. As the man walks of a woman with a young toddler, who clings to her hip, comes up to Dawn and says kind words to her. Dawn, expressionless, put her hand out to the baby, who wrapped her tiny fingers around Dawn's.

Moments pass and finally Willow, Tara, Giles, Xander and Anya are the only ones left besides the sisters. They slowly began to make their way toward their parked cars leaving the sisters alone.

0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0

Dawn sighed as she looked at her mother's grave sometime after the sun had gone down. "Why am I a Ranger if I couldn't save her?" she asked.

"Sometimes I've wondered the same thing about me," Buffy told her sister as she held Dawn. "Why am I a Slayer when people still die."

It took a moment before Buffy and Dawn noticed that someone stood next to Buffy.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner," he said as the sisters looked over to see Angel.

"Angel?" Dawn asked her sister who nodded.

"And you must be, Dawn," Angel said looking at the younger Summers sister. He remembered Buffy telling him about her.

February 3, 2001 – Saturday

Restfield Cemetery

Angel sat with his back against a tree as Buffy and Dawn sat leaning into him, his arms wrapped around them both.

"…the funeral was… It was brutal…But what I'm really worried about is tomorrow," Buffy said.

"What's tomorrow?" Angel wondered.

"That's what I don't know. Up 'til now I've had a road map – things to do, every minute, that had to do with taking care of mom and training Dawn…" Buffy said. They had told Angel about Dawn being a Power Ranger.

"And tomorrow the stuff of everyday living resumes," he said in understanding as the sisters nodded.

"Which with the exception of Dawn, everybody expects me to know how to do because I'm so strong."

"Not right away," Dawn whispered.

"Dawn's right," Angel agreed. "I'm sure everybody understands that you both need time."

"Time's not the issue," Buffy said. "Dawn and I are both good at staking vampires either with wood or Dawn's White Zeo Power Stakes, but Mom was the strong one in real life. She always knew how to make things better, what to say…"

"That she did," Dawn agreed.

"You'll both find your way. Not all at once, but…" Angel told the sisters.

"I don't know…" Buffy said a little desperately. "I keep thinking about it, Angel. When I found her. If I'd gotten there ten minutes earlier—"

"You said they told you it wouldn't have made a difference." Dawn said.

Buffy looked at her sister. She had wanted to spare Dawn this, but she knew she couldn't spare her sister anything. For her sister, their mother was the first person whom Dawn had truly lost since becoming a Power Ranger. Sure, Riley had left, but she hadn't lost him, not like Joyce. "No," she said as she reached across Angel and took Dawn's hand in her own. "Probably wouldn't have made a difference. The exact thing they said was probably. I didn't want to say anything, Dawnie. I didn't want to hurt you."

Dawn nodded as she squeezed Buffy's hand. "Thanks," she whispered.

"That doesn't make it your fault," Angel told Buffy. "Even if you had both been there, there is nothing you could have done different."

Buffy looked down at the ground. "I didn't even call for Lynn till after they told me to start CPR," she said anguished. "I fell apart. That's how good I am at being a grown up."

"Buffy…" Dawn started.

"It's okay," Angel interjected. "It's okay. You don't feel like it now, but you are strong, Buffy. With your sister here helping you, you're going to figure it out. You don't have to do it alone."

Dawn leaned into Angel as she looked up at the sky. "It's going to be light soon," she said.

"I can stay in town. As long as you both want me," he offered.

"How's forever?" Buffy asked. "Is forever good for you?" The moment she suggested it she knew that was a bad idea. "There's a bad idea. I'm seriously needy right now."

"You and me both," Dawn agreed.

Angel stroked some hair from both of their faces. "Let me worry about the neediness," he told them tenderly. "I can handle it."

Raw and vulnerable, the sisters looked at him wanting to believe it. Dawn closed her eyes and she laid her head in his lap.

Buffy looked down at Dawn and ran her hand through her sister's hair absently. She then looked up at Angel and for a moment she stared into his eyes before leaning in for a kiss, which he responded to gently.

Buffy looked at him for a long moment after the kiss, wanting him to stay, to take care of her and Dawn, but she knew he couldn't. "You'd better go," she said reluctantly.

"I'm sorry," he said obviously pained.

"I think I speak for us both," Buffy said as she continued to run her hand through Dawn's hair. "That we're grateful that you came."

"She's right," Dawn agreed. "Personally, I'm not sure I could have made it through the night otherwise."

"The same for me," Buffy added.

"We have a few more minutes until I have to go." Angel told the sisters as Dawn sat up and he put his arm around her again.

"Good," the sisters said as they burrowed into him.

Angel closed his arms even tighter around the two of them.

Summers Home

Buffy and Dawn walked through the front door holding each other.

"Are you hungry?" Buffy asked her sister.

"No," Dawn said with a sigh. "I know I should eat…that we both should eat. But I don't know if I could eat right now."

"I know, Dawn," Buffy sighed. "Dawn, what are we going to do? Mom always took care of things. But I don't even know what I'm doing…Mom, she always knew—"

"I know," Dawn said as she wiped a tear from Buffy's face. "I know."

"Who's going to take care of us?" Buffy wondered. "What are we going to do, Dawnie? I'm so scared—"

"So am I," Dawn said. "So am I. But like Angel said, we'll figure it out. We're in this together. That's what mom wanted. Did she tell you what she asked of me in the hospital?"

"No," Buffy replied gazing at her sister's tear stained face.

"She asked me to take care of you, to protect you," Dawn said. "We're in this together."

Buffy looked at her sister and smiled sadly as she leaned in and rested her head on Dawn's shoulder. They both sank to floor and slowly let the tears flow as they grieved together for the loss of their mother.