Authors Note:

Wow. I'm so sorry guys, it's been so long since I've updated, but like I said, I've hit a very bad case of just not caring. I lost interest in this story, but I'm trying to get back into it for you all who have enjoyed this story so far. Thank to everyone for being patient, and I hope you all enjoy :)

Chapter Fourteen

Alec POV:

The last person I expected to see here was Magnus. It made no sense why he would be here after what he said to me, but when I saw him standing in Jace's apartment, wearing my sweater, I figured I should probably listen to when he has to say, and get a few things off my chest as well.

"It's so good to have you back." Magnus said once the bedroom door was closed.

"It's good to be back." I said honestly.

"How are you feeling?" Magnus asked.

"I feel fine." I said.

"Physically, but how are you doing mentally?" Magnus asked, and truthfully I hadn't really thought about my mental state recently.

"I mean, I'm pretty shocked that rebels came and hijacked the Romanian Fashion Show, but I guess large crowds are soft targets these days." I expressed.

"When Clary told me they thought you were killed, or missing I nearly lost it." Magnus said but that's when I had to stop him.

"Why?" I asked straight forward. "You told me before I left all you wanted to be was colleagues." I said a little angrily. "And once you find out I'm either dead or taken hostage, you suddenly want to be more than just work buddies?"

"What? Alec, no, that's not what I'm saying at all." Magnus said hastily.

"You sent me over there, and I took it because I was hurt." I said, although I in no way blamed Magnus for me being over there.

"I think I blame myself a lot more than you do!" He nearly shouted. "I'm the reason you were there. I sent you there, it was my fault. Everything was my fault." He said as he cried slightly, and that's when I realized more was going on.

"What do you mean by everything?" I asked cautiously.

"I brought your name up, I sent you there, I broke off whatever was developing between us because I was scares shitless, but nothing scared me more than not knowing if you were alive or dead." Magnus admitted.

"Why did you end it than?" I asked.

"Because I was confused." Magnus said.

"Magnus Bane has never been confused. Not in all the years I've known him." I pointed out.

"I've been more confused than you can imagine." Magnus laughed. "And not just by who I fall in love with."

"What's really going on Magnus?" I asked as we both sat on the bed.

"I've liked you for years." Magnus said. "In high school I wanted you to come out so badly so I had a chance with you, but I promised myself that I would never date another guy who was in the closet, so you were off limits to me, but my feelings never went away. I just tried to move on." He said avoiding eye contact with me at all costs. "Than you show up in my studio, and suddenly you're back in my life? I felt like the universe was telling me I had a second chance in some way. But I was scared. Scared it wouldn't work, scared that me being your boss would jeopardize your career, and turn us against each other. I was scared because everything was so unknown, but I realized that I would rather be scared and happy, than scared and hating my life every second of every day that you weren't with me."

"Magnus." I breathed out. "I don't know what to say."

"I don't expect you to say anything, I just wanted you to know how I felt." Magnus said as he stood up. "If you want me to leave you alone though, I will."

"I don't." I said quickly. "Want you to leave that is."

"Oh." Magnus simply said.

"I was scared in high school." I admitted.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me Alexander. I know how scary it must have been. Believe me, coming out was hard for me." Magnus explained.

"It wasn't just coming out that scared me." I told him truthfully. "I was scared because you were the first person that ever made me question my life." I said. "I knew very early on that I wasn't like the rest of my family. I saw my dad kiss my mom goodbye every morning, and I knew I would never want what they had. Granted, it was a shitty marriage, but I saw the way my dad looked at other women when we were out, and as I grew up, I realized I didn't look at them in that way." I took a deep breath; I'd never expressed this to anyone before. "So I just avoided dating all together. I didn't want to lead a girl on if I wasn't interested at all, so I just never dated. But I always caught myself looking at you."

"I'm surprised we never made awkward eye contact." Magnus said and we both laughed.

"I guess we got lucky in that sense." I said and he nodded in agreement. "But I got to college, and I fell into the wrong crowd. It was nice that I was wanted for a change, and that I had a group of friends of my own, not friends that I shared with Izzy and Jace." I admitted, I started fidgeting with my hands, because I hated this part about my past.

"What's wrong Alexander?" Magnus asked concerned.

"I just got into a lot of bad shit." I expressed. "And I got into a relationship with a guy who was controlling. Very controlling."

"You don't have to explain your past to me Alec." Magnus said reassuringly.

"You know how I said some demons aren't that easy to get rid of?" I asked and Magnus nodded. "Well, he's one of them."

"What did he do?" Magnus asked cautiously.

"He got me addicted to cigarettes. It wasn't that bad, I mean, people can quit, right? And I normally only did it socially, until we were socializing every night, and got hooked." I explained. "But than it started getting heavier." I said. "He started with ecstasy, alcohol, LSD, stuff like that, but it eventually turned into heroin, and crack, and meth." I said, but I just couldn't look at Magnus while I said this. "I don't even remember the night, even after all these years." I choked up.

"You can stop whenever you want. I'm not going to push." Magnus said and I nodded knowing that he wasn't going to push, but I needed to talk about this. It was long over due.

"He wanted to go out and party, and I wasn't in the mood. He called me all types of bad names." I told him. "Mainly a faggot because he knew how much I hated it."

"Wait, wasn't he gay too?" Magnus asked surprised.

"Yea, but he fucked around a lot with girls so that people wouldn't find out. We acted like friends everywhere we went, so nobody ever suspected." I said, and I hated that at the time I thought it was the right thing.

"Didn't that bother you?" Magnus asked.

"All the time, but like I said, he was controlling, and a master manipulator. He knew all the right things to say to get me to stay." I admitted. "But that night, he just wasn't saying the right things, and I really didn't want to go out. At first I thought he understood that, and when he brought me out something to drink, I had no idea he spiked it."

"Spiked it with what?" Magnus asked.

"Some date rape drug." I said. "He got me to say yes, he took me to the party, and I don't remember a damn thing."

"But something bad happened? Right?" Magnus asked.

"Something terrible." I admitted, and I didn't realize I was crying until the tear his my shirt.

"You don't have to continue Alec." Magnus told me.

"I need to get this out, if it's only this one time, I just need to tell someone." I said and Magnus nodded before taking my hand in his, and I felt so much comfort and support. "Apparently all out friends wanted to see what it was like to fuck a dude."

"Oh my god. Tell me that didn't." Magnus said, and I could hear the shock in his voice.

"I wasn't conscious, or in my right mind to consent, and they each took a turn." I told him.

"Oh god, that's awful Alexander." Magnus said.

"The worst part? I woke up on the side of the road about an hour away from campus." I laughed, but it was in no way filled with humor. "They tossed me out of the car with nothing but my underwear on."

"What happened to them?" Magnus asked.

"Nothing. It was my word against seven other guys, and they all were each others alibis." I said.

"But what about a rape kit?" Magnus asked.

"I went to the hospital, I told them what happened, when they called my 'friends' in for questioning, the guy I was seeing said that we both wanted to know what it felt like to fuck a dude, and that we both liked it rough." I said. "There were seven of them, and only one of me. I stood no chance. The drugs were already out of my system, I had nothing to prove it."

"What did your parents do? What about Jace and Izzy?" Magnus asked.

"Nobody knows." I admitted.

"Why not? That's not something you should bare on your own Alexander." Magnus said with so much emotion in his voice.

"I told them I had a drug problem, which wasn't a lie, and I took a year off college, and went to rehab, I transferred, and I started a new life for myself." I told him. "I left that asshole behind me, and I'm trying to move on."

"But Alexander…."

"No Magnus, that night haunts me more than I should let it, but at the end of the day, it's all of them that have to live with the fact that they did that to me. I hate using this word, but I was the victim, and despite my stupidity in involving myself with that man, and that crowd, what happened to me, wasn't my fault, and I hope one day, they all finally feel guilty for what they did, and I hope that it haunts them." I explained and Magnus nodded.

"I admire you so much Alexander." Magnus finally said. "You're incredibly brave."

"You do what you do to get by." I said. "It's hard, but I love my life, and I'm not ashamed of who I am, and the minute I realized that, was the minute I finally felt at peace."

"Thank you, for trusting me with your past." Magnus said and I nodded, I did feel lighter. "You probably want to rest, so I'll get out of your hair."

"Thank you, for being here Magnus." I said. "It means a lot."

"Of course." Magnus said as he went to leave the room.

"Do you think." I called out and he turned around slightly. "That maybe we could talk, about where to go from here later this week?" I asked and he smiled.

"I'd love that." Magnus said.

"Great, I'll call you later?" I asked and Magnus nodded before leaving the room. I laid back on the bed and couldn't help but smile. I just told Magnus the deepest secret, and it didn't send him running for the hills, maybe there is potential there after all.

No sneak peak because I suck :/