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Actions Speak Louder Then Words

Chapter Four

What do I feel for Cass? Dean thought. He felt like banging his head against the wall he was leaning on. He could still hear Castiel sniffling every now and then, and he felt terrible. Had he just dismissed Castiel's true feelings because it was just too strange to think about being in a relationship with another man when he had been going out with woman his whole life? Or was it because he really did think of Castiel as a brother, like Sam, and just couldn't even imagine him in that way? Or maybe he had dismissed it because it was true that he felt the same way.

He thought about that fluttery feeling he got when Cass got that confused look on his face when he didn't understand something. It was kind of cute.

Wait! Did I just say that Cass was cute? What is wrong with me? Dean thought. But it was cute. Dean smirked a little.

He thought about the small smile that sometimes showed up on the angel's face when things were going well. At those times, Dean felt like smiling too.

And what about how things were between them lately? Since Sam was gone, off on his own, Castiel was now Dean's partner. They had been having fun, or more like, Dean was having fun, laughing at Castiel's obvious mistakes in interrogating people, or how he just expected humans to know the truth about demons and angels really existing.

He remembered how he had straightened Castiel's tie before they went to interrogate some witnesses. He sensed Castiel tensing up as his hand worked with the tie under Castiel's chin. He had patted Cass's chest when he was done, in a good-to-go gesture, and he noticed that Cass looked...well..almost..could angels look lustful?

What about all those times Cass had just appeared in a room, right behind him or close next to him? He had found it annoying at the time, but since he had told Cass to stop, he missed it. The angel had looked sad and disappointed when they had the talk about personal space, and Dean couldn't understand why at the time. Now he knew that Cass just wanted to be near him, and he had pushed Cass away without even realizing it, hurting Castiel deeply.

Damn, it, Dean! he cursed himself. And now he was confused beyond confusion. He wasn't sure how he felt, and if Castiel died tomorrow, he would never know, and Castiel would never know how he felt, either.

Dean stood, suddenly, wanting to make amends before it was too late. He noticed that the sky was beginning to brighten a little in the distance. He had to hurry. He re-entered the room, where the angel's face was still embraced in his arms.

"Cass," Dean touched his friend's shoulder gently.

The angel sat up quickly, and Dean saw tear tracks on his cheeks. He reached out a hand and softly drew it down Castiel's cheek, wiping what was left of the salty streams.

Castiel looked up at him in wonder, feeling the tingles that started in his cheek where Dean had touched him and continued through the rest of his body.

Dean smiled at him, but didn't say anything. Then he reached his arms around Cass and hugged him tightly to his chest.

Castiel felt relaxed in Dean's embrace, but he was throughly shocked. What had happened? Why was Dean acting like this? He didn't understand. Castiel grabbed tightly onto Dean's jacket and pressed his face into the other's man's chest. He wished this could last forever.

Dean noticed Castiel's tight grip on him and felt him relax a bit. He felt bad when he finally let go; it had felt nice to hold Cass like that, to comfort him. Dean drew the other chair right in front of Cass and sat down so they were eye to eye. He clasped his hands in front of him, wondering where to begin.

"Listen, Cass, I am truly sorry if I made you feel bad. I'm sorry for whatever I did while I was drunk, and what I did when I wasn't. I feel terrible. And I was really thinking about what you said, and I just don't know how I feel anymore. I just wanted to tell you that I... I think I like you, Cass." Dean swallowed. Now he realized why Castiel had never told him his true feelings; this was harder then he ever thought it would be. It took courage to tell someone that you loved them. "But I'm not sure in what way. I didn't want you to die thinking that I hated you. Because it's just the opposite. And I wanted you to know that." Dean reached out and grabbed Castiel's hand, squeezing it, wanting to reassure Castiel that he was telling the truth and not just saying these things to make Cass feel better because he might die soon.

Castiel was staring at his hand inside Dean's. Was there really hope? Could Dean actually feel the same way he did? Or as he said, he didn't know how he felt right now. If he didn't die...would they be able to go further, and discover what really lied between them?

"Cass?" Dean snapped his fingers in front of Castiel's face. "You okay?"

"Yes, I am just..overwhelmed at the moment, Dean." Castiel smiled. "But I am glad that you told me that. It makes me feel better."

Dean grinned. "Good. Now you have a reason to live, then. Make sure you don't die when we trap Raphael, because I'll miss you more then you could imagine."

Dean glanced out the dirty, grimy window and he could see the orange glow of the rising sun. He hadn't really thought about a world without Cass before now. It would be more then just him not being there when they needed heavenly help to get them out of a bind; it would be losing a friend, a brother...maybe even a lover. His heart broke at the thought, and he decided he would not let that happen.

He gently touched Castiel's face again. "Don't die, Cass. I don't know what I'll do without you."

Castiel stared into Dean's hazel eyes, knowing that he was telling the truth, and savoring those words, the words he dreamed about hearing, that he longed to hear. And Dean had finally said them, and now he might die.

"We have to trap Raphael, Cass." Dean stood, releasing his hold on Castiel's hand, and immediately Castiel wanted that back. He wanted to take Dean's hand again, but Dean was right, there was work to do; lives depended on it. Castiel took the old clay jug and walked to the middle of the room. Then he tipped it down so a steady stream of dark, glistening oil poured from it. Castiel formed a large, perfect circle, and then set the jug back on the table.

"Now we just have to summon Raphael," Castiel looked at Dean; this might be the last time he could set his eyes on the man he loved. But at least now he knew that that man might feel the same way about him.

Ooooh, please review!

OMG! I just started watching Season 7, poor Cass melted into the water! And Dean saved his trenchcoat and kept it! I'm gonna cry now! Oh, Dean, you saved his coat! *Crying* Oh, Cass, I miss you!

I hope you like this chapter! I know I do! Until next chapter,

Dementors