Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does. I'm just playing with her toys.

A/N: Tissues are a must for this chapter; goodness knows I went through a bunch writing this. This is, to date, the most difficult chapter I've ever written so I'm quite nervous about putting it out there for you all to read.

If I Die Young by The Band Perry is the song that goes with this chapter. I highly suggest playing it while you read. Thanks to Massy for sending this song my way.

***CHAPTER WARNING***

This chapter will not be an easy one to read. There are scenes of severe depression and self harm. If these are things that are difficult for you to tolerate, then I would suggest skipping this chapter.

After that dinner at Emmett and Rosalie's, I started to make sure all of my preparations were made. I hid the gun and the bullets away in the back corner of my closet where no one would find it. I wrote letters to the children, making sure to have things for them from me for all of their important milestones…graduations, important birthdays, high school prom, weddings, and the birth of their children. I needed to make sure that regardless of what happened to me that Elliott, Michael, and Samantha would always have me with them, know that I loved them, and understand that none of what happened to me was ever their fault.

As far as Edward was concerned, I didn't need to write letters to him, everything I needed to say has been written within my journal. I know much of what he may read there may hurt him or cause him to get upset, but I think it may be the only way to reach him. The fact is that I'm totally lost; there is no way for me to find my way back from the shadows, to not feel invisible anymore. I've accepted it as my fate, but that doesn't make it any less painful or difficult to bear. I need to take matters into my own hands now.

I made sure I had my final messages to Alice, Rosalie, and my parents taken care of as well. I'm not sure if any of them will even want to read them, but I needed to have closure with them as well. They needed to understand their role in all of this.

Once everything was put into place, it was just a matter of finding the right time for me to carry out my plan. I needed to make sure it was a day where I didn't need to worry about the children being at home and one where Edward would be home relatively early. Today was that day. Elliott and Michael have already been at sleep away camp for a week, and Sam is having a weekend sleepover with some of her friends from her nursery school.

I've spent my morning getting all of my final preparations done. Looking through all the family albums and picture frames throughout the house, choosing my favorites to keep with me in my room. I needed the comfort of those memories, those happy times that are all but lost to me now. Glancing over the pictures…prom with Edward, pictures of me with Alice and Rose from college, my wedding day, the birth of each of my children, various family outings…I can't help but cry. How I wish I could live within these memories forever.

I just wish most of all that things could have been different. I've thought about it a lot…the what ifs and the maybes. Maybe if I was stronger and more confident in myself enough to truly confront Edward about my feelings. Maybe if I wasn't so afraid of upsetting or letting down my parents. What if Edward's dad didn't die when he did and Edward and I had more time as a family before having to take on the responsibility of CP. There were so many possibilities available to us and all of them seemingly were snatched away before we could ever even really dream of them. I guess when it all comes down to it; I never really stood a chance.

Finally, I write a small note and place it on top of my journal for Edward…

Before I go, I need to say this to you Edward, here and now. I love you, and I always have, no matter what we have gone through. I believe with my whole heart that you love me too, regardless of how lost you have gotten along the way, I don't think that you ever truly meant to hurt me, so for that reason it is easy for me to say that I forgive you, and that I am sorry that I'm not strong enough to carry on in this journey with you.

I love you and will be with you always,

Bella

EPOV

Pulling into the driveway, I shut off the car and just sit for a moment, enjoying the peace and quiet. The kids are all out of the house and for the first time in who knows how long, I will be able to take a few days off from the office. I needed the time to be honest…for myself, for Bella, for my family. We've drifted so far apart, and a lot of it is my fault. My mother made sure to tell me that.

After Isabella's attempted suicide, my mother finally sat me down and gave me a good talking to. There was so much I never knew about my parents. They always seemed to have the perfect marriage, always seemed so happy…kind of how Isabella and I were…at least in front of other people, especially the kids. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I realized I needed to listen to what my mother had to say and seriously reconsider the kind of husband and father I've been.

"Edward, son...there are things you don't know about your father." My mother tells me.

"What do you mean Mom? Dad was a great man; he gave us a good life and built up a great reputation for the company." I reply, confused about exactly what she's trying to say.

"Son, please…let me tell you what I have to say and then I promise to answer any questions you have. It's important to hear this. I had always told myself I would never speak of it to anyone, but you need to hear it if you ever want to have a chance to salvage what's left of your own marriage."

I've never heard my mother sound so serious before, not even when she had to tell me that Dad died, so all I do is nod my head and wait for her to speak her mind.

"Carlisle…your father…" my mother begins. "I loved him very much Edward, I always will, but he was a very misguided man. Maybe a big part of that was from how he was raised, but he still had many of his priorities out of order. He thought that as long as he provided a home, put food on the table, that it was enough.

When we first dated, he was wonderful, made me feel special, and showered me with attention. I think the pressure of having to become a family man got to him. Once we were married and had you, the reality that he had other people he needed to be responsible for got to him. He was always there for you, but even though I know how much he truly did love me, I was always pushed aside, CP taking my place in his life. He'd never listen when I tried to speak to him about how I was feeling or what I needed. Told me to just be happy with the life I had.

We fought a lot, but never around you. To you and everyone else we appeared the perfect, happy couple when in reality we were anything but. I was strong enough to just muddle through it. I loved your father enough to stay with him. I don't know how strong your Isabella is. She never had the chance to be independent or on her own before. Her being so isolated and ignored…it's only a matter of time before everything comes tumbling down.

Now, I want you to think about what I've told you and see if any of it sounds familiar to you. I'll call you tomorrow and answer any questions you have. Now go home and try to sort out how you plan on fixing things with your wife.

That talk yesterday with my mother really had me thinking and I knew now that there was a lot that needed to be fixed in my family life.

Getting out of the car I make my way into the house, dropping my briefcase and keys in the front entry.

"Isabella, I'm home" I call out, only to be met with complete silence.

Loosening my tie, I make my way towards the bedroom. As soon as I walk in, I see pictures scattered all over the bed…pictures of Isabella and I from when we dated, our wedding, and when our children were born.

"Bella…what's going on? Why are these pictures all over the bed?" I shout, confused about what's going on.

Hearing a noise in the bathroom, I head towards it, stopping dead in my tracks when I see the sight in front of me.

Isabella is sitting in the bathtub, tears streaming down her face, with a gun pressed against her head. As soon as she sees me, she moves the gun, pointing it directly at me. I'm frozen speechless and not quite sure what to do, afraid that any sudden movement will set her off.

"Isabella, baby…what's going on?" I softly whisper.

I try to keep calm as Isabella looks at me, her makeup smudged from the tears streaming down her face. I can tell she's close to losing it, and I don't know if the gun is loaded. Gingerly, I try to step forward but stop as soon as Isabella cocks the gun.

"I can't do this anymore Edward." Isabella mumbles. "It hurts too much, it hurts all the time. I don't matter to anyone, it's like I'm a ghost. You don't even notice me anymore, all I do is complicate your life. You'll all be better once I'm gone."

Isabella is gripping the gun so tightly, and I can see it in her eyes, a determination that hasn't been there in a long time. It's freaking me out, because I can't lose her. She's my heart, my soul…I know I've fucked things up but I need to have the chance to make things right.

"Baby please…just put the gun down." I beg, my own tears starting to fall. I'm not sure why I'm crying…because I realize how much I've screwed up, because I don't know if Isabella is going to shoot me or herself, the fear of losing my wife, or all of it combined.

"We can work this out Isabella. I need you baby. I love you. I've been so wrong about so many things. We'll go to therapy…every day if you want. I'll do whatever it takes Bella, just put the gun down. Think about the kids, baby. They need you. I need you."

Isabella shakes her head, the gun pressed against her temple as she mumbles "no, no, no…too late, can't change" over and over.

"I don't believe you Edward. You've told me that before, you've ignored me before; you've lied about our problems before. Why would you change now? It's too late, it hurts too much and there's only one way to make it stop. I need to do this."

I don't know what she's planning to do, but all I can think is to pray to God that she shoots me and not herself. I deserve it, for all the pain I've caused her. I've been so blind, done so much wrong. I deserve the punishment. The children need her so much more than they need me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do in this situation; I can fix problems at CP at the drop of the hat, but this…I haven't a clue how to fix this.

I take a few steps closer towards where Isabella is sitting against the tub but stop once she points the gun at me again, her hand shaking slightly.

"Tell me what you need me to do Isabella. I'll do anything, I want to fix this, fix us. You're everything to me baby. I can't lose you…"

"There's nothing you can do to fix this Edward!" Isabella screams. "It's too late for fixing. The damage is done. I tried so many times to be a good wife, a good mother and I failed…I tried to talk to you, to get you to understand how I was feeling, and I failed at that too. I wasn't good enough, I wasn't what you needed. You never listened, you blamed everything on me, and you put that godforsaken company ahead of your family! I was supposed to come first Edward, and I never did…not once. I can't do it anymore!"

Isabella's words are barely comprehendible through the sobs, but it's the look in her eye that sends the cold chill down my spine. That look that her mind is made up, she's made her decision and there is no going back. For a moment, Isabella just sits there holding the gun in her lap as she cries, and I think that maybe she's going to just set it down, that nothing is going to happen. I take the few remaining steps until I'm standing about a foot away from her. I move to hug her, to try to do anything to distract her so that I can try and get the gun away, but she notices my movements.

Looking up at me, tears pouring down her face, she speaks to me in barely a whisper as her grip around the gun tightens.

"Tell the kids I'm sorry for leaving them, that none of this is their fault. Tell them I love them and will always be with them. Make sure they get the letters when the time is right. I love you Edward, I'm sorry I wasn't what you needed, that I couldn't be a good wife for you, that you always had to clean up my messes. I've always loved you Edward…always."

It's as if everything happens in super speed and slow motion all at once. Isabella moves to raise the gun, I manage to get a grip on her arm and we begin to struggle as I feel her finger tighten around the trigger, I hear rather than see her pull the trigger as the sound of the shot echoes throughout the room.

I'm vaguely aware of someone shouting "NO" only realizing it was me after silence descends upon the room.

I see the bright red spreading across the front of her shirt. I can hear her gasping for air, a vacant look on her face as she whispers the words "no more pain" over and over, the gun still in her hand. I yank it away from her and toss it across the room. Scooping her into my arms, I feel the blood seeping into my shirt, as I bawl, begging my Bella not to leave me.

Unwilling to let go of her, I shift my hold on her as I dig out my phone, dial 911 and report what happened. The operator tells me to stay on the line until the police and ambulance arrive, but I drop my phone, ending the call when I look up and see the message Isabella left for me on the mirror.

Scrawled in red lipstick, the message on the mirror reads:

Edward, now I've really left you a mess to clean up. –Isabella

The words are a slap in the face, a reminder of just how cruel I had been, and bring on a fresh round of tears as I cling to my wife's now seemingly lifeless body.

I'm unsure of what I'm supposed to do now, or how I'm supposed to go on without Isabella. She's the one true love of my life and because of me she's gone and done this. How am I supposed to tell the kids? All of this is running through my head but at the same point all I can think of is how I would give anything to have my Bella back.

I don't know how long I sit there, but the next thing I know, there are police and EMTs in the bathroom. I hear them shouting different things…faint pulse, weak and shallow breaths, dropping blood pressure. I feel them trying to pull Isabella away from me and I snap, screaming at them to leave her with me, to not take her away. As they pry her from my grip, I try to fight them so that I can keep Bella with me only to end up restrained by one of the officers. I hear someone mention the word sedative and feel a sharp pinch in my hip before everything fades away…

A/N: So…um…yeah…I'll be hiding in a corner of my closet with my bottle of tequila. A lot of you have been asking when we would be hearing from Edward, and well, now we have, and we'll be hearing a whole lot more from him now too. Some of you may have suspected where this all was going, but, it is NOT the end of the story…remember, I have promised you all an HEA, it's just going to take some work to get these two there.