EPOV
Bella and I are walking hand in hand towards the park. It's her birthday and as much as she denies it, I know she's upset that her parents aren't here to celebrate since they decided to go on some European cruise. I wanted to make sure today was special for her so I planned out all of her favorites, packed a picnic basket and figured we could spend the day together.
We reach our favorite spot, the top of a hill, underneath a cherry blossom tree, and I set down the basket and spread out the blanket. I can't help but smile as I think about the day Bella declared this our spot. It was our first time coming to the park, and as soon as she saw the trees she was bouncing excitedly. Cherry blossoms were Isabella's favorite and she said right then and there that as long as we were here at school, this would be our spot.
I pull out the plates and the food, loving Isabella's giggles as she sees that I have all her favorites. I want today to be all about her so I take my time feeding her, occasionally taking a bite or two myself. For dessert, I kept it simple, just some strawberries and whipped cream.
Bella thoroughly enjoys getting the whipped cream on me, but I can't complain as she seems to be enjoying licking it off of me. I of course can't help myself and start "accidentally" getting whipped cream on her too. Soon enough we're both laughing so hard we're gasping for air.
Looking as Bella like this, her cheeks flushed from laughing, her eyes sparkling and bright, and a dazzling smile across her face…she's never been more beautiful. Instinctively, I stroke my hand across her cheek before pulling her to me and kissing her.
I moan into her mouth as I taste the sweetness of the berries and cream still on her tongue. Her hands make their way to my hair and she's holding on to me as if her life depended on it.
Breaking the kiss, we're both gasping for air, our foreheads resting against each other.
"I love you Bella, so much. You're everything to me. Promise me I get to keep you forever" I whisper.
"Always Edward," she replies. "My heart will always only belong to you."
"I'm so very glad you said that baby" I tell her as I reach back into the picnic basket, and pull out a small wrapped box, handing it to her.
"Happy Birthday baby"
Isabella smiles as she takes the package, tearing off the paper and opening the box to reveal an infinity heart necklace.
"Edward" she says. "It's gorgeous. It's just like the one I saw at the store."
"It is the one from the store baby. I knew you liked it, and I wanted you to have it" I explain as I take the necklace from the box and fasten it around Isabella's neck.
"This necklace is a symbol of my promise to you Bella. You're it for me. You're my forever. I will never want to be anywhere without you. I love you."
"I love you too Edward" Bella tells me as she stands up and starts walking away. "But I can't stay here anymore…I have to go."
"What? Isabella, no! I need you baby. Please…don't leave me. You promised me forever. I can't do it alone!" I'm shouting and crying and begging her to stay. This isn't how it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to stay with me forever.
"You'll be just fine Edward. The kids need you. I'm finally free Edward, there's no more pain for me here." Bella tells me as she fades away, leaving me a sobbing mess under our tree, feeling as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest.
I wake with a start. I'm confused, and feeling as though everything is hazy. I can't remember where I am, and as I look around the room and hear the beeping of the heart monitor, I realize I'm in a hospital. Sitting up, I feel a little woozy, and as I look down at my clothes I feel as though I'm punched in the gut, the reality of everything that happened today hitting me like a ton of bricks as I see the dried blood stains on my shirt and pants.
The beeping of the heart monitor speeds up as my dream comes back to me and I feel my breaths coming quicker and I start shouting out for my wife.
"Isabella!" I yell, as fresh tears pour down my face. I look towards the door when I hear it open and I see a nurse, a doctor and my mother come rushing in.
I question them all at once, hoping this is all just a bad dream.
"Please, where's my Bella? She's okay right? I need to see my wife!"
None of them will look me in the eye, making me think my worst fears are true. That Isabella is really gone.
"Mama, please…please tell me she's okay" I beg through my sobs.
My mother looks at me, her own tears forming as she replies "I'm so sorry son…"
"NNNOOOOOOOOOO!"
I start struggling against the doctor who is attempting to check my vitals.
"Mr. Cullen, please. I need you to calm down. I don't want to have to sedate you again." The doctor tells me. "Your wife is alive…barely. That bullet bounced around inside her and did a lot of damage. They got her stable enough in the ER to move her to surgery. We'll let you know when we have an update."
Finally, after hearing the doctor's words, I give up, slumping back into the bed, not really having the energy or the will to keep going. Not without knowing if my Bella will be okay. Not when she may not make it because of me.
"Now, your vitals seem fine Mr. Cullen, but I want to keep you overnight as a precaution. I'm not certain it's wise for you to be alone at this point anyway…"
"Where is my wife? I need to see my wife." I ask, interrupting whatever nonsense the doctor was spouting.
"She's still in surgery, Edward" my mother tells me. "They said they didn't know how long they would need to work on her based on the damage."
"The kids…oh God! What am I supposed to tell the kids?" I ask.
"Shhhh" my mother says as she tries to soothe me. "We haven't told them anything yet. The boys are still at camp and Sammi is still at her sleepover. Rosalie and Emmett are going to pick up the boys tomorrow and Alice and Jasper said they would go and pick up Samantha. They're bringing them back to my house."
"No. I want to go home. I want my children at home with me!" I shout.
"Edward…you can't go home. Not yet anyway. The police just barely finished at the house, and the bathroom is such a mess. I've called for a special cleaning crew the detective suggested but they can't get to the house until Monday. Now, until everything is settled at your house, you and the kids will stay with me. We can figure out what to tell them in the morning."
I don't really hear everything my mother has to say. As soon as she mentions the bathroom, all I can see over and over in my head is Isabella and the gun and the sound of the trigger being pulled, her whispered apologies echoing in my ears as I'm haunted by the defeated, broken look that her eyes held. I feel like my mind is on overload, so I turn my head away from my mother and feign sleep, the tears continuing to stream down my cheeks, brought forth by the knowledge that all I want is to be able to hold my Bella in my arms, and that it's still uncertain as to whether or not I'll ever get to do that again.
I'm not sure how long I lay there, but someone brings in a dinner tray that I don't bother to eat and a while after that, a nurse comes in to give me something to help me sleep. I guess the sobs wracking my body are a bit of a clue to let them know I'm not sleeping. I want to say no and refuse to take it, but I acquiesce and swallow the pill, knowing it's the only way to get the images in my mind to let me be, if only for a little while.
I wake up early the next morning to find myself being poked and prodded by a nurse who is double checking my vitals before she goes to get the doctor to work on my release. Looking to my left, I see my mother sitting in the chair next to me.
"Good morning" she tells me, which only causes me to grimace. There's nothing good about it, and I can't help but point that out to her.
"I'm in the hospital, I don't even know if my wife is still alive and I have to tell my children today that I'm such a fuck up of a husband that my wife needed to resort to attempted suicide to escape the pain I've managed to cause her. So please Ma, tell me just what is so good about this morning?"
Mom just sighs as she gets up and places a bag on my bed.
"I brought you a change of clothes. I thought it would be wise to change before seeing the children."
Looking down I realize I am still wearing my blood stained clothes from yesterday. I know I need to change out of them, but I'm afraid to let them go. They have a part of my Isabella on them. If I throw them away, it's as if I'm throwing her away too. I grab the bag my mom placed on my bed, and go into the bathroom to wash up and change.
Walking back into my room I see the doctor talking to my mother. I overhear bits of their conversation, something about counselors and therapy. Hearing me drop my bag back on the bed, they stop talking and turn and look at me. My mom sighs before walking next to me.
"Everything is all set for you to go home Mr. Cullen. I've given your mother your paperwork, along with some names of people in case you or your children need someone to talk to. Also, I've written you a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication, just in case you need help keeping calm or settling down at night," explains the doctor.
He continues prattling on as I grab my bag and walk past him to try to find out where Bella is. My mother follows me out, and then leads me over to the elevator. The ride up the three floors is quiet and tense. Stepping off the elevator I see the sign directing me towards the Critical Care Unit.
I approach the nurse's station and give them my name. The nurse looks at me with pity in her eyes as she leads me to Bella's room. As we walk she fills me in on Bella's condition, warning me to not be alarmed by the many tubes and wires. She explains to me the damage the bullet caused…because of the way it entered, it went through her intestines, ricocheted off her ribs and managed to hit one of her kidneys. Her rib broke when the bullet hit it and managed to puncture one of her lungs. All in all, Bella was more than lucky to even still be alive at this point, and for now…things would remain touch and go.
I wasn't allowed to stay long in Bella's room. The rules for visitors were quite restricted on the CCU, and patients were only allowed to have two visitors at a time for no longer than thirty minutes, twice a day, and even then, the visitors were restricted to family members ages sixteen and older.
The drive home from the hospital is quiet, the whole time all I'm trying to think of how I'm going to explain everything to the kids, who were the only reason I was even able to leave Bella in the first place. If it wasn't for the fact that I needed to see and hold my children, I would have still been in the hospital fighting tooth and nail to find some loophole to get around the visiting restrictions.
As soon as we get to my mother's house, I trudge up to my old room and just curl into bed. It doesn't matter that I haven't really showered since yesterday morning, or that I haven't eaten in almost twenty four hours. None of it matters. All that matters is that my Bella is alone some cold, sterile hospital room, alive only by the grace of God, the doctor's skill, and the machine's she's hooked up to. She's my everything, my one great source of happiness in my life, and I managed to destroy it all.
My mom comes in and out of my room several times, telling me to get up, to go eat, or to take a shower. Each time I just ignore her and roll over so that my back is to her. Eventually she stops coming in. I hear the door open again, and thinking it's my mother I just yell for her to leave me alone, but I feel a pair of large hands grab me by the shoulder, drag me into the bathroom and toss me into the already running shower.
"I know this whole situation is a world of suck Edward, but you need to keep it together for your kids. Now, get cleaned up. I'll leave a change of clothes for you on the bed. Rose and I are going now to pick up the boys from camp. We should be back here in time for dinner" says Emmett in a no nonsense voice.
I hear the door click before I start peeling off my already soaked clothes. I go through the motions of taking a shower and brushing my teeth, but avoid shaving all together. The thought of the razor blade being near my throat is far more tempting than it should be. I'm clearly in no shape to be allowed near sharp objects.
Eventually I drag myself downstairs to the living room. I avoid the tv and the newspaper, not wanting to see any potential coverage of what happened yesterday. I glance at the clock, but decide I don't really care what time it is and head over to the bar, grabbing the bottle of whiskey. I don't bother with the glass, and drink it straight from the bottle.
After a few sips, I set the bottle down on the table and lose myself in my thoughts. How did everything get so fucked up? I know a lot of it's my own fault, but could I really have been so blind to what my wife needed? I can't help but think of the last trip we all took as a family. We went out on our boat for an extended weekend with some friends, and we seemed okay then. Isabella laughed and smiled. The kids were happy. Was it all an act? Were we that good at faking it that even I lost sight of what was really going on?
No matter what I think of, it all ends up coming back to the same point that in the end, I'm responsible for what's happened. I know I've been crying this whole time, I can feel the tears on my cheeks, and I quickly wipe them away as I try to get myself under control, but it's the sound of the door opening, and the voices of my children that snap me back into reality.
"Mom? Dad? What's going on? And why are we at Nana's house? Dad…where are you?" I hear Michael calling out.
"Mamaaaa!" I hear Elliot and Sammi shouting.
"Hold up you three, let's go find your dad and let him know your home" Emmett tells them.
I hear other voices with the kids, presumably Rose, Jasper and Alice.
I sigh as I get off the couch, and head toward the doorway realizing that it's time to tell the kids. I just hope that I have the strength to get through it.
A/N: So we got a bit of a flashback/dream thing, and as big of an ass as Edward is, I can't help but feel for the guy. I'd love to know your thoughts on him now.