A/N: I am soooooo sorry that it has taken me this long to post this chapter. RL got ridiculously crazy, plus I started a volunteer position at my church as a Catechist for the elementary school religious education program so I teach first grader's once a week now. Also, I was quite busy with finishing up and launching the release of my first book. The book is called A Multitude of Sins and my penname is H.E. Regis. It is available now for sale on Amazon in both print and Kindle formats, and the epub format (the one that works with Nook) will be available in December. Things are finally settling down for me now, so things should be getting back on schedule as I play a big game of catch up with this and all of my other WIPs. Again, I apologize for the delay with the chapter, and thank each and every one of you for sticking with me.

EPOV

"Edward, baby…can I take this blindfold off now?" Bella giggles.

"Just a few more minutes Bella. We're almost there." I tell her.

After our honeymoon, Bella and I decided we should start looking for a house of our own. What Bella didn't know was that I had already found what would be the perfect house for us, especially once we started a family of our own. All that was left was Bella's approval and we could sign on the dotted line, making the house ours.

Pulling up into the driveway, I park the car and turn it off before taking the blindfold off Bella, whispering "Surprise" as she sees the house for the first time.

Confusion is evident on her face as she looks at the house and then at me.

"Edward…who does this house belong to?" she asks.

"Us, Bella. It can belong to us, if you like it."

"What? Edward!" She starts saying, but I cut her off before she can say anything else.

"Baby, shhh. Nothing is finalized yet. I wanted to make sure you liked it first. Let's just go inside, look around, and if you don't like it we can look for something else okay?"

Bella nods her head in agreement and we both get out of the car and walk into the house where the real estate agent is waiting for us.

I can't help but chuckle when Bella gasps as soon as we walk inside. Her eyes are wide as we go through the rooms and everything the house includes. The look on her face when the agent mentions the fact that the house sits on five acres of land tells me that we won't be looking at any other houses.

After going over a few more details, the real estate agent leaves us alone to talk a few things over.

"Edward, this house is perfect." Bella murmurs.

"Will you be happy here baby? Is this where you can see us raising a family?" I ask.

"Yes Edward. I can see it all here; children, grandchildren…us growing old and grey together. We can build ourselves a life together here."

"Then consider it yours baby. All we have to do is sign the paperwork."

"But…" Bella starts.

"Shh. No buts Bella. My parents are giving us money for a down payment. It was part of their wedding gift. The rest we'll be able to afford between my trust fund and now that I'm working for my dad. Let me do this for you baby. Let me give you the house of your dreams." I whisper to her as I hold her close.

"Okay" Bella murmurs back to me.

We walk into the kitchen where the real estate agent was waiting for us, and fill out all of the paperwork to get the sale started.

Three days later we get the call telling us the house is ours, and letting us know we can start moving in at the end of the month.

The countdown until our move in day flies by as we spend much of our time packing up our apartment and shopping for things to furnish the house with, scheduling delivery for the day we're planning on moving in.

Finally its moving day, and between the hired crew and the help of our friends, much of the house has been set up. Bella and I are snuggled together on the couch, enjoying the fire burning in the fireplace.

"Thank you so much for finding us this house Edward. I know we're going to be happy here." Bella says softly as she leans in to kiss me.

"That's all I want baby, is for you to be happy" I reply before kissing her back.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts as I park the car in the driveway, and I realize that everything I said all those years ago when we moved in here was true. All I had ever wanted was for Bella to be happy. I thought I was doing the best I could to make that happen, I was just too blind to really see what was going on in front of me, or maybe I wasn't. Maybe I knew all along, but just couldn't admit it or accept it. Either way, it doesn't change things. Bella is still hanging by a thread. All I can do now is learn from it and try to be a better father for my children.

I get the kids out of the car and we head towards the house. Samantha is in my arms, clinging to my neck, Michael is squeezing my other hand so tight that I think he might break it, and Elliott is kicking at the gravel in the driveway as he trails behind us.

Once we get to the door, I set Sammi on the ground and manage to pry my hand out of Michael's grasp. I unlock the front door and holding my breath, lead my children inside. None of us know what to expect, I can feel the kids nerves rolling off of them. I'm just thankful that Michael and Samantha are too young to realize why we had to wait to come back home. Elliott on the other hand, well at twelve years old he kind of put two and two together. That was not a fun conversation…luckily for now he didn't push for more information than knowing that his mom got hurt at home. I know one day all three will need to be told the entire truth behind all of this, but for now I'm going with the whole less is more mantra.

Looking around the house, everything looks the same and different all at once. It looks as though nothing happened here, yet Bella's absence is front and center. The house always used to have the smell of some sort of baked goodies from her always making sure there was a special treat for the kids for their after school snack. Now the only scent that lingers in the air is bleach from when the cleaning crew was here.

"Daddy my tummy's hungry" Samantha says as she tugs on my hand.

"Okay princess, what do you say we go into the kitchen and I make us all some sandwiches for lunch?"

"Peanut butter and fluff?" Samantha asks as she gives me a puppy dog look, the same look her mother used to give me when she really wanted something. I have to fight to keep the sob from coming out of me.

"Sure sweetie. Anything you want," I manage to choke out, my voice broken.

We make our way to the kitchen, and Elliot helps get the plates down while Sammi and Michael sit at the counter. I pull the peanut butter and fluff out of the pantry and then turn to get the bread to make the sandwiches. As I open up the jars, I smile as I remember the first time Sammi discovered peanut butter and fluff. It was ironic that it should be her favorite sandwich since just the mention of peanut butter or fluff would send Bella off to the bathroom puking during all three pregnancies. But Sammi loved the stuff; we just didn't let her have it too often, and reserved it as a special treat. I just needed to remember that regardless of what we're going through, that I can't indulge the kids too much.

Once I get the sandwiches made I walk over to the fridge to get the kids some juice for with their lunch, but I stop dead in my tracks when I see the picture on the refrigerator door. It was a candid shot that my mother managed to take of us all last Christmas. Bella, the kids and I all had on Santa hats and were surrounded by wrapping paper. The kids were giggling, and Bella and I were both smiling. We were all genuinely happy that day. Thinking back, it's the last truly happy day I can remember having with Bella, and that fact just makes me feel like shit. Christmas was over six months ago…how can something so long ago be the last happy memory I have of my wife?

I wrench the door open and take my time finding the juice so I can try to compose myself. Once I have my emotions in check, I grab the apple juice and shut the fridge. After I pour it into cups, I join my kids and we all eat lunch. After we finish and the dishes are in the sink, I ask Elliott to help his brother and sister pick out the clothes they want to wear tomorrow.

During breakfast at my mother's house I talked with the kids about what would happen tomorrow. I explained what would go be going to the hospital to see their mother. I was as honest as possible, and I think they understood, but my mother and I arranged that she would take the kids home early if need be if they wanted to leave or just couldn't handle being there.

After I see the kids all head off towards their rooms, arguing over whose outfit they are going to pick out first, I turn and head back towards my bedroom. I stop just outside of it. The door is shut, and I feel myself starting to tremble as I relive the memory of the last time I was in this room. My hand shakily grabs the handle and opens the door.

From the look of it, everything seems to be in its proper place, but then again, the bedroom wasn't where disaster had struck, it was the bathroom where the nightmare occurred. Taking a deep breath and reminding myself that I needed to face this at some point, I walk into the middle of the room and look around. Reminders of Bella are everywhere I look…pictures, knick knacks on the dresser, even her scent is everywhere. It's more than I can handle and I finally break down and cry as I wrap my arms around myself in an effort to try to keep from falling apart. I've always loved this room because it was mine and Bella's, but now…well now I've never felt more alone.

After a while, I manage to get my tears under control and my eyes set on the door to the bathroom. I know I need to go in there and face what happened, but I'm too afraid to do it when it's just me and the kids in the house. Reaching into my pocket, I call up Emmett and he agrees to come over and watch the kids so I can deal with things on my own.

Twenty minutes after I hang up with him, I hear the front door open and the kids asking if Uncle Emmett can go swimming with them in the pool. After seeing that the kids are situated, I head back up the stairs and back to my room. I stand just outside the bathroom for a good ten minutes before grabbing the handle and opening the door.

When I look around, it's as if nothing ever happened in this room. The lipstick has been washed off the mirror. The streaks of blood are no longer tainting the tiles. It's as if the entire ordeal was something out of my imagination. I walk over to the tub, my hand grazing where Bella was sitting along its edge just a few short days before. As soon as my fingertips make contact, I break down, sliding to the floor and curling into a ball as the sobs wrack my body.

Every moment of that day plays like a horror movie through my mind, and I can't help but scream for my wife to come back to me as I relive hearing the gun being fired as her blood bloomed and spread, a stark contrast against the white of the shirt she wore. Eventually, my sobs turn to whimpers and I get myself together enough to head back into the bedroom.

Deciding that I need to tackle arranging my leave of absence from work first, I walk over to the desk in our room, sit down and go to look for some paper and a pen so that I can write out my letter to the board of directors. I quickly halt my search though when my eyes see Bella's letters to the children and her journal. Flipping through the letters, I'm floored by how many there are…prom, sixteenth birthday, high school graduation, wedding day, birth of their first child…Bella made sure to arrange it so she could still be there for them through all their important milestones. I can't fathom the time it took her to write all of these, and its then that I realize how much of a failure I've been as a husband. These letters must have taken Bella at least a few weeks to get together, and yet I never once noticed that she was planning something like this.

I take the letters and lock them away in the safe in my closet, wanting to ensure their safety God forbid the worst should happen and I actually need to give them to the children. I walk back to the desk, grab Bella's journal and lay down on the bed. Nervously, I open the cover and see a slip of paper slide out. Picking it up, I see Bella's handwriting on it.

Edward,

I know my leaving you has caused you pain. I'm sorry for that, please know it was never my intention to cause you pain, but to only find peace and freedom from my own. I've always loved you, I always will. I hope that what you read in these pages, if nothing else, allows you to understand why I needed to go.

Until we meet again, all my love,

Bella

The tears are already falling, but I don't even bother to try to stop them as I begin to read the first entry…

I shouldn't be feeling like this. I know it's wrong. I have absolutely every reason to be happy…a husband, three children, and a gorgeous home. I don't have to work, so I'm free to devote myself and my time to my family and friends. So why do I feel like I don't matter, like no one even sees me, and that if I were to disappear…no one would even bother to notice.

I used to be a happy person. I used to smile and see the joy in life. Now I force the smiles and fake the laughs. I'm not quite sure how things got like this, and I don't know how to fix it. I just want to be able to care again, feel something…anything other than sad and worthless. Maybe I should try talking to Edward again. I tried once but he was so caught up in his work I don't even think he heard me…

As I read, I'm assaulted by memories of every time I turned Bella away or brushed her off. How I wish I could change it all now. How I wish Bella was here so I could try to fix everything, tell her I know how wrong I was. I feel as though my heart is breaking more than it already has, but I know I need to keep reading…

I tried asking him to go back to therapy with me, but he told me he didn't have time for that kind of bullshit when his company needed him, his employees needed him to do his job so that he could try to keep them from losing theirs. After he said that I asked him what about what the kids and I needed, but he just scoffed at the question telling me that he would always be there for his children and that I had nothing to complain about since he provided me with a comfortable life.

He just didn't get it. I didn't care about how big the house was or the material things, or what kind of car I had to drive. I just wanted my husband back; I wanted to feel loved again. But the distance between us grew, the old cracks resurfaced, and seemingly, we were more distant from each other now than we were in the past. I tried to talk with Rose and Alice about it, but they didn't seem to understand my side of things, asking me what I expected Edward to do with the economy the way it was and him needing to do whatever he could to keep his company intact. Suddenly, I became the Debbie Downer in our group, and they started pulling away too. I can't blame them, all I ever had to talk about were my problems, and really…who wanted to listen to that every time we hung out.

I guess seeing my friends pull away was what made me realize how alone I really was. My parents certainly didn't understand or even care to try to, my husband was more like a phantom with how little I saw him, and my friends couldn't deal with me and my "insecurity issues" as they called them. I think this was when I started letting the darkness consume me. I started just running on autopilot. I stopped feeling, just doing whatever I needed to in order to make it through the day.

Reading Bella's words on these pages, all of her pain and hurt laid out here in front of me…its more than I can bear, but I can't help but think that feeling this pain, having to live with the knowledge of everything that Bella went through, knowing how I failed…it's the least of what I should have to deal with considering the amount of pain that Bella felt that I was responsible for. Wiping my eyes so that they are clear enough to finish reading, I brace myself for what is to come, and force myself to finish reading the journal…

I've spent my morning getting all of my final preparations done. Looking through all the family albums and picture frames throughout the house, choosing my favorites to keep with me in my room. I needed the comfort of those memories, those happy times that are all but lost to me now. Glancing over the pictures…prom with Edward, pictures of me with Alice and Rose from college, my wedding day, the birth of each of my children, various family outings…I can't help but cry. How I wish I could live within these memories forever.

I just wish most of all that things could have been different. I've thought about it a lot…the what ifs and the maybes. Maybe if I was stronger and more confident in myself enough to truly confront Edward about my feelings. Maybe if I wasn't so afraid of upsetting or letting down my parents. What if Edward's dad didn't die when he did and Edward and I had more time as a family before having to take on the responsibility of CP. There were so many possibilities available to us and all of them seemingly were snatched away before we could ever even really dream of them. I guess when it all comes down to it; I never really stood a chance.

Before I go, I need to say this to you Edward, here and now, since I don't know if I will have the strength or courage to say it later. I love you, and I always have, no matter what we have gone through. I believe with my whole heart that you love me too, regardless of how lost you have gotten along the way, I don't think that you ever truly meant to hurt me, so for that reason it is easy for me to say that I forgive you, and that I am sorry that I'm not strong enough to carry on in this journey with you.

I love you and will be with you always,

Bella

I can hear Bella's voice speaking each and every word that I read, and by the time I finish, her words of I forgive you and I love you and will be with you always are echoing in my head. All I can think of is how can she even think of forgiving me for what I've done, I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive myself, nor do I think I am worthy of forgiveness either.

A/N: *wipes tears from my eyes* Yeah…this was a rough one for me. Edward and the kids are back home, he's found the letters and the journal and now he trying to figure out how to move forward.