Chapter 4
"There's a penalty for losing that shootout, Nick," Jarrod said over drinks before dinner, after Heath had explained what happened.
"What's that?" Nick asked.
Jarrod poured himself some whiskey and turned back toward the family by the fireplace. "I'm planning to go into town on Tuesday and watch an assault trial in court."
"What are you gonna do that for?"
"Gotta feel it out, see if it's something that jogs my memory, or if it's something I want to see about doing again. I might not be able to be a lawyer, but there might be some kind of legal work I can do while I work back into it. I've thought about it a lot, and I want to watch a trial."
"So, where do I fit in?"
"I need a keeper."
"A keeper? What for?"
"Dr. Merar suggested it. Neither he nor I knows what to expect out of me when I see a trial. I might not handle it well, especially if it doesn't stir any memories for me. And I don't think it will."
"Might be better if I went with you, Jarrod," Heath said.
"Why's that?" Jarrod asked.
Heath smiled at Nick. "Our brother here has a bad reputation in the court system. Seems like half the time he went in to see you at work, he'd yell out his own objections and they nearly had to throw him out."
Everyone laughed at Nick's expense. "Can't keep your temper to yourself, huh, Nick?" Jarrod asked.
"Let's just say the judge was about to start warning Nick to behave himself at the very beginning of the trial," Victoria said.
"That's an exaggeration," Nick said quickly. "But yeah, you probably ought to take Heath instead of me."
"Are you up for it?" Jarrod asked Heath.
"Sure," Heath said. "I don't yell nearly as much as Nick does."
"Don't forget to leave your sidearm at home," Nick said. "They don't let you take a gun into court."
"Thanks for reminding me," Jarrod said.
"What if it does bring back some memories for you, Jarrod?" Audra asked. "I mean, it is possible."
Jarrod said, "Well, I might need Heath even more."
Jarrod seemed to go off into his own thoughts somewhere, and his face went dark for a moment. Nick and Victoria exchanged a look, and Nick raised his glass. "Well, I'm gonna propose a toast – to Big Brother, on his birthday. We're proud to have you home for this birthday, since you missed the last one – and we're proud you have the guts to go into that courtroom and take on whatever it brings. To Jarrod Barkley."
"To Jarrod," everyone said and drank up.
Jarrod smiled a bit, but the memories darkening his eyes were slow to fade. They were not memories from prior to a year ago. The memories coming into him were of being alone, asleep on the ground or in a bunkhouse somewhere, sometime in the past year. When he despaired of ever finding out where he belonged. Tonight, there was no despair. Tonight there was family, happy company, support. He let his smile grow. "Thank you," he said.
XXXXX
Jarrod looked at himself in the mirror and felt light-headed. Sure, he had tried on the suit when he had it made and it made him feel woozy then too, but now – now he had put it on for real. He was going to go out in public wearing it, a medium grey suit with a dress shirt and the silk Eastern-style necktie Audra had given him for his birthday. He had pulled on the dress boots, too, and now he was looking at himself in the mirror and feeling absolutely - strange.
That was the man in the photograph who was looking back at him. That was the old Jarrod Barkley, the one who wore suits and worked before the legislature and knew the governor. That was the Jarrod Barkley who intimidated him.
I'm not ready. I'm not ready.
He didn't hear the first knock on his door. He did hear the second one, and he turned away from the mirror. "Come in."
Heath came in. He, too, was wearing a suit, but Jarrod had seen him in it when they went to church. He himself had worn a more casual jacket and tie when he went to church. Until right now he really hadn't acknowledged to himself that he had been avoiding the suit.
For a moment he thought he could wear the same thing he wore to church to court. He was grabbing at straws trying to avoid wearing this suit.
"You look real good, Jarrod," Heath said. Then he saw his brother was sweating. "What's the matter?"
Jarrod took a deep breath and wanted to avoid the whole question, but he said, "I'm not ready for this."
"Ready for what?" Heath asked. "It's just sitting in the gallery and watching a trial. You don't have to do anything."
"Yes, I do," Jarrod said. "I have to be Jarrod Barkley."
Heath came closer. "I thought you were getting used to that by now."
"I thought I was, too, but this suit, going to court – that's more Jarrod Barkley than I think I'm ready to be."
Heath sighed. "You want to call it off?"
Jarrod hesitated and didn't know why. "I don't know. Yes – no, no, I don't want to call it off."
"We can wait a while. Nobody cares if you come in late."
Jarrod eyed his youngest brother. "They might care if Jarrod Barkley comes in late." He had nightmare visions of the judge stopping the proceedings to say hello to Jarrod Barkley, the old Jarrod Barkley.
Heath was beginning to understand. "You afraid of people expecting the old Jarrod Barkley when you can't remember how to be him?"
Jarrod was beginning to learn that Heath had a way of seeing right to the heart of a matter. "Something like that."
"And something like seeing the old Jarrod Barkley in the mirror in that suit."
Jarrod had to chuckle. "Something like that, too, I guess."
"Listen, Pappy, that's why I'm coming along," Heath said. "Things get to be too much, I'll get you out of there, but I'm betting they don't get to be too much. You're not gonna feel like the old Jarrod Barkley, and you're not gonna feel like you're being pressured to be him either, at least not for more than the first five minutes. You're still building the new Jarrod Barkley. Build him on your timetable, not anybody else's. But see if you can find a place for some of the old one in there. You need to go watch a trial in a courtroom and try to fetch back a little bit of the old one."
Jarrod still hesitated.
"Come on," Heath said. "Deep down, you know you want to see what this trial business is all about, don't you?"
Jarrod thought about it, and – "Yeah, you're right. I do."
"Well, then let's get going."
With a clap on his brother's arm, Heath headed for the door. Jarrod hesitated just a moment, but when Heath stopped at the door and looked at him, Jarrod thought, Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. You have the clothes. Let's go to court.
XXXXX
Jarrod and Heath arrived at the courtroom as the lawyers and court personnel and other spectators were still milling around. At first, no one even looked Jarrod's way, and that thankfully gave him time to look around and get his bearings. He looked at all the people and didn't know a one of them. At first, they did not seem to notice him at all.
Heath found seats in the second row for them and motioned Jarrod that way. That was when heads began to turn.
It wasn't just the people in the gallery. The people on the other side of the rail were turning to look at him, too. They were the lawyers and the defendant and the court personnel, Jarrod figured. The man with the fellow who looked like the defendant (he was the only one not wearing a suit) turned toward Jarrod and Heath, and broke into a smile. He came from the other side of the rail, holding out his hand.
"Jarrod Barkley, I don't believe it!" he said as Jarrod took his hand. "I'm flabbergasted. I've heard of men coming back from the dead, but I never knew one who did, and I've never been happier to see one!"
Jarrod had no idea who the man was. "I'm sorry, you have me at a disadvantage. My memory's been damaged."
"And you don't know who I am," the man said. "I've heard the rumors you had lost your memory, and I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm Michael Quinn. We worked together on a couple cases when we were both starting out. The oily little guy over there is the Assistant District Attorney, Phil Archer."
Jarrod looked at the oily little guy, who looked at him briefly with no smile and no interest in approaching him. "Do I know him very well?"
"Too well," Quinn said. "He's been a thorn in your side for years, so don't be surprised if he has nothing to say to you. Be grateful."
Jarrod introduced his brother Heath and then asked, "Who's your client?"
"Poor guy in the wrong place at the wrong time, accused of assault. All these other men in here are mostly prospective jurors. As soon as the judge gets in here, we'll start picking a jury."
As if on cue, someone near the bench announced, "All rise!" Quinn gave Jarrod and Heath another smile and went back beyond the railing to be with his client.
And the judge came in. Jarrod saw his nameplate –Thomas Farnham– but it meant nothing to him. But apparently, he meant something to the judge, because the moment the judge saw him, he said, "Mr. Barkley – will you approach the bench?"