Of Hair Ribbons and Sticks

"Bwahahaha, can you believe it? We were mistaken for sisters…again!" The pink-haired Servant laughed so hard tears were forming in his eyes.

"Seriously," Sakura grumbled as she kicked off her shoes and threw herself onto the couch, resting her head on the plush cushions, "just because our hair color's the same doesn't mean we have to be genetically related! As for being mistaken for sisters," she raised her head slightly and half-heartedly glared at her Servant, "if you aren't always wearing skirts this would've never happened!"

"Oho~" Astolfo grinned. "I don't think so Master, 'cause even if I'm not in a skirt I'll still be cuter than a girl!" He twirled on the spot before plopping down on the couch as well, all the while tactfully ignoring his Master's more-than-half-hearted glare now. "Besides, other than our pink hair they're still probably gonna think we're related! Look, our height's nearly the same, and we're both flatter than a pancake…Well, that's normal for me but…" he looked sympathetically at Sakura's 'modest' bosom.

The girl with the 'modest' bosom gritted her teeth, trying her hardest to stop herself from beating the daylights out of her Servant. He even had the audacity to look sorry for her!

"And I bet," Astolfo continued, "you thought I'm a girl too when you summoned me."

Her eyebrows twitched in annoyance, because that was something she couldn't deny. When she was summoning the Rider-class Servant, she was somehow expecting a tall, handsome paladin with a charming smile, not a pink-haired girl with a toothy grin who was hardly any taller than her.

"Are you my Master?" The summoned paladin flashed her a toothy smile before exclaiming happily, "Hey you're almost as cute as me!"

Sakura wondered if that was meant to be a compliment, but before she could say anything or ask any questions her Servant began to introduce himself, "My name's Astolfo, and I'm one of Charlemagne's paladin. I'm a Rider-class, but I guess you already know that!"

This pulled her away from her internal debate of whether the "almost as cute as me!" was could be considered a compliment, and as she eyed (as discreetly as possible) at the paladin's silky pink locks, pale complexion, and slender legs, Sakura grudgingly admitted to herself that yes, perhaps her Servant was cuter than her.

…

It took her three days and a traumatizing shower incident to realize that Astolfo was only in possession of one X chromosome instead of two.

The pink-haired kunoichi-magus didn't know which one was worse: Her failure as a medic-nin or the fact that her (equally) pink-haired Servant was cuter than her despite being a male.

Both of my lives suck, she concluded, Sasuke-kun's fairer than me, Neji-san's hair was softer than mine, and even that medic-nin from Kumogakure – D? Even his eyelashes are longer than most of the girls'. Apparently being surrounded by pretty boys with sticks-up-their-asses for one lifetime wasn't enough for her, and now she was stuck with another pretty boy who had bested her once again in the looks department. Well, at least this one's ass is stick-free.

"Pfff," Sakura sniffed indignantly, "you can't blame me for mistaking you for a girl. Your frilly mini-skirt with the garter belts and those girly hair ribbons totally misled me."

"Hey! My skirt's not frilly, and I wear them 'cause they make my legs look longer!" Astolfo retorted, "as for my hair ribbons, I've told you before they're a proof of friendship! And they also compliment my hair color!"

"So you say. But who knows? Maybe you're wearing them because you've always secretly wanted to be a girl. Huh, even if I'm flat-chested I'm still a female, not a wanna-be-girl-who-got-stuck-in-a-male-body-for-eternity."

What followed was a stretch of uncomfortable silence, and Sakura wondered if she had gone too far. She didn't mean to sound that spiteful, but the paladin's insistent teasing had really been grating on her nerves. Then, to her bewilderment (and horror), Astolfo's lips curved into a smile – a coquettish smile, and there was a seductive tint in his voice when he spoke. "Oh my Master, I admit I'm a sucker for cute things, but how can you possibly doubt my manliness?" He lowered his body and crawled towards Sakura, attempting to trap her between his body and the cushions she was resting on. "Well then, I guess I'll just have to show you tonight how manly I can be~"

Sakura choked on her own spit. It's a good thing that her Servant didn't have a stick up his ass, but she had no intention to check out his other stick, thank you very much.

Can a Heroic Spirit be castrated? was her last thought before she swung her fist at the grinning bastard's pretty face.

A/N

I was planning to upload Karna's chapter first, but I changed my mind a couple of hours ago and decided to go with Astolfo first, because...because he's too cute? My hands are itching to write another chapter starring Astolfo, but I'm going to force myself to wait for a while before I do that.

I'm probably going to start off with a a couple of fluffy one-shots before the angsty ones come crashing down. Yay.

If you have any Servant suggestions just leave a review or PM me! :D