This story suddenly got so much more personal for me. I don't know how I do it, but I always manage to predict my own life through my writing. Whether it's friends having a huge meltdown-end of their relationship because of different views or hating someone because of sexual harassment, my life seems to follow some patterns in my words.

Long story short: Health wise, I'm not okay anymore.

I have a tumor and it's hurting me. Apparently it's been hurting me for a really long time. I don't know if it's cancer yet but it's a very real possibility.

I learned all about this last week.

Then immediately dived into editing this (because escapism lol) and had to read about a frustrated character who just wants to be seen for the pain that they're in and given support they need to cope with it all.
Man, I'm an idiot.

But this just confirms that writing is my therapy and I'm using y'all as an emotional dumping ground (no surprise here). It's too bad I'm broke. You guys could technically charge counseling fees, lol.

(On a serious note: Don't worry about me, I'll be okay. Cancer is a scary word but it's not always a scary thing. I'm lucky. If I have it, it's most likely a very slow non-aggressive type in a non-threatening (but highly annoying) area on my body.

I'll stop rambling now. Sorry for venting/ thank you for allowing being vented at ;) )

Welcome to the third part of this story! Please enjoy, take your time, and feel all the feels involved with this chapter.

Late Winter

Jackson!

I couldn't believe him. I couldn't believe myself. I couldn't believe anything. All that was really registering was that Piper's room was a mess.

Loose scraps of wrapping paper and ribbon were strewn across the floor like confetti. Multiple outfits were slumped over the back of her desk chair and a collection of playing cards and fast food garbage hid in the crannies of the room. On her desk was an unholy pile of laundry and shoes.

Underneath it all I could see a design, a rhythm. If it were clean and bright her room would've been purple and gold. Richly decorated with a standing clawfoot wardrobe, a thick victorian lounge sofa and a king sized bed with tasseled pillows. If the tall windows had their thick velvet curtains drawn back, maybe a little more light would allow me to see the splendor the room was truly supposed to be.

Like my walls were covered in paintings, hers were covered in crooked posters from various bands that had gone out of style years ago. Without light, they looked sinister. So did the pillows with t-shirt covers. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw more.

A shelf of hood ornaments, a tv screen decked out with multiple game consoles, an electric drum kit with the price tag still hanging from one of the cymbals.

The butler, who showed me in, clicked on the leg lamp next to her bed. A dim but usable light came forward, sprawling up the tall wall.

"Miss. Miss Piper. Your friend is here. She claims it is an emergency?"

Piper sat bolt upright in bed, eyes half open, and one of those paper crowns you get from Christmas crackers was rakishly falling over her brow.

Hazel was still curled up beside her. Nothing visible except the pom pom of wild brown hair that shifted as she breathed. Piper started nudging her urgently when her eyes finally cleared and she was focused on me. Hazel whined and sat up. The butler closed the door behind him, allowing us some privacy.

Patiently, I took a seat on the edge of the lounge by the right side of her bed. Piper's side.

"You have a butler," I said simply. Quietly. I didn't feel like talking any louder than a murmur. Scared I would somehow damage the world more than I already had.

"His name is Ernest," Piper answered just as softly. Fear in her eyes because we both knew I wouldn't be sitting in her room at one in the morning if it wasn't important.

"That's a very good name for a butler."

"My mother would only interview butlers with good names. She's very particular."

"Like an extravagant rich particular?" I glanced around her room once more. It matched the rest of the house quite well if it weren't for Piper's touches.

"Think Marie Antionette but anything as fattening as cake, or as ugly as modern art would be put into a dumpster fire."

"Oh…"

There were a few magazines stacked next to me. Dirt biking. Archery. One on the joys of aquascaping. I grazed my thumb over one, wondering if I should flip through it. The last thing I wanted to do was talk. But it was also the only thing I wanted to do.

Nothing in my body was really registering. Everything was hollow. I knew I had just killed my best friend. I knew Rachel was doomed. I just didn't feel it yet.

I wanted to stay in limbo forever but being in this void reality was hell.

Instead, I plucked a throwing dart out of the side of the lounge and found the target on the wall. A picture of Mr. Grace was secured in the middle of the black and red circles. Peppered with little holes already as if Piper had spent many afternoons practicing her aim.

I missed his eye but managed to take out his ear as I grinded my teeth.

I wished I were throwing darts at myself.

"Percy kissed me."

Saying it was like winding up a jack in the box. My chest was the coiled spring, but Piper and Hazel were the Jack about to pop out. Their reaction was stunted, held in. I could tell because Piper grabbed at Hazel's wrist to keep her from saying anything. However many exclamations were swarmed eyes, however wound back their shoulders went, they kept calm. For me.

If they freaked, I would freak. Everyone knew it.

"When?" Piper asked smoothly. Even toned.

"An hour or so ago." I didn't want to think about it. It was all I wanted to think about. I couldn't stop thinking about it. There was nothing in my head.

I threw another dart.

Missed.

"Where?" Hazel breathed.

"Outside my house. In the snow." My heart finally started thawing. A sinful warmth wrapped around the pillar of my center at the memory. I squeezed the last dart until my knuckles popped, fighting away the tingles with my cold soggy brain. Fighting the flutters that were wrapping around my lungs with the hope that I could simply conquer them.

Piper slipped out of bed. She had monster slippers with jagged felt teeth and googly eyes that bobbed as she shuffled towards me. Gently, she removed the dart from my grasp and dropped it to the floor. Guiding me to sit down again on the lounge. Hazel watched from over her shoulder.

"What did it feel like?" Piper asked solemnly.

I brushed her hands away. From deep within my insides the guilt started to pile like sand in an hourglass. The pain followed. If I were a girl made of quilt and stitches, all my threads would've been coming undone, all my stuffing would've been bouncing away on a breeze.

Feel like? Like drinking stars. Like finding home. Like ancient songs woven just for me.

But I didn't want it to feel that way. I wanted to feel what it actually was. What it meant.

Rachel's death.

I wanted it to feel like he'd ripped my heart out.

"Why would you ask that?" I mewled. Liquid fire started collecting in the corners of my eyes. My sternum twisted into one long rope of tension. It was settling in. Choking me.

Piper knelt to my level. Serious and determined. She took my hands and gripped them tightly. "Did it feel like a rose of fire was blossoming in your chest?"

I blinked. Remembering the layers. The heat.

"Yes?"

"Did it… bloom all the way?"

"How am I supposed to know if-"

"Did you feel like your soul was expanding outwards after the blooming bit and were you able to feel nothing but Percy beside you? Like you were being cocooned together in a silken bag?"
"What? No. That sounds… really weird."

Piper dropped her head. Relieved. "You didn't bond."

"What?"

"You didn't bond, Annabeth. Rachel is safe."

And then the hurricane of emotions finally arrived. Relieve. Guilt. Shame. Anger. Frustration. Fear. Solace. I was drowning in words I couldn't form. Stuck in my own tornado until I finally found one syllable of my own. Grounding me again.

"How?" I gasped.

"It doesn't always take one kiss," Piper explained. "And it only works if both soulmates want to bond. I guess the fact that Percy doesn't know that bonding with you is an option, saved you."

"But I thought that-"

"They just kissed, and boom; bonded for life? No. If that were the case then resisters wouldn't exist. It needs to be more than lips meeting. There needs to be consent."

I exhaled so sharply the air scraped against my throat. I was staring at the cluttered floor but at the same time I wasn't. "We didn't bond."

"You didn't bond."

We didn't bond.

My chest opened a sinkhole just as my heart fluttered happily. I was flickering back and forth like a bipolar fairy. Burning yet shivering. Delighted yet ashamed.

Rachel will live… but… Percy.

Swaying, I rose to my feet. Rubbing the side of my head to get all the thoughts out. Hoping to kill that one second of contentment I had with the idea of being bonded to Percy freaking Jackson.

"It's okay," Hazel said, stepping forward. I could see the sympathies ooze from her big gold eyes. "If you're disappointed."

"I'm not," I snapped.

But I was. Just a bit.

Hazel clutched the corner of my shirt. Keeping me from running away. "You don't need to keep yourself from loving him, Annabeth. Even if it is from a distance."

"Shouldn't I?" I scoffed. I didn't mean to sound so bitter but… "He's not mine."

My words hung in the air for a moment. They made the dim light appear weaker. They made me reconsider opening up to these girls. I shouldn't put their hearts in danger too just so I had someone to lean on.

"Maybe he should be," Piper said. Gently but knowingly.

"What?!"

"Maybe he should be yours. Maybe you're made for each other, Annabeth. Maybe it's not supposed to be him and Rachel."

"Piper-!" How could she say something so vile? Traitorous almost. You don't just casually suggest letting someone's best friend die.

"Think about it. Even after you pushed him towards Rachel and kept him in the dark about the triangle he still chose you. Are you just going to ignore that?"

I shook my head vigorously. "He didn't choose me, he's just confused."

"If he was really happy with Rachel he never would have glanced at you, Annabeth."

I peeked at Hazel but she had slipped into a compliant silence. Agreeing wordlessly.

"So what do you think I should do? Steal Percy from Rachel? Break her heart and then watch her die?"

"I think…" Piper shifted. I heard her swallow and the tempo of her breathing changed. "I think you should come clean to the both of them. Then let Percy make the hardest decision of his life."

My back straightened. Nothing she just said was worth any thought mileage. With a tight expression I swiveled back to Piper.

"No." I stumbled back. Away from them. From their pity, their concern, their willingness to help. "No. I won't even make room for the POSSIBILITY of Rachel dying."

"But Annabeth-"

"NO! OKAY?!" I rasped. Gripping my arms over my ribs. "NO! Percy will choose Rachel. Because I chose Rachel!"

"It's not your place!" Hazel protested. "It's Percy's!"

I reconsidered it all right then.

No, not their crazy suggestion.

But them.
Our friendship. Their position in my life. How could I possibly stand next to them as friends when we saw things so differently? When they were so aloof about the thought that Rachel could die.

If they knew her, they'd know. I simmered internally. Know that she's better. They'd agree to save her if they only knew everything about me and everything about her.

But you can't confess a lifetime in fifteen minutes so instead I stepped backwards, towards the door. Shaking my head at them. Throbbing with rage. "I've made it my place to do so."

.oOo.

Cheater.

I didn't want to label him as that but there aren't that many flattering words for a guy who betrayed his girlfriend. Most girls would call him worse names. Asshole came to mind. Douche was another good one although a little more vulgar. Personally, I couldn't come up with any terms without applying them to myself.

I was worse than a cheater. I was the other woman. A heartless seductress. A loose moraled wench who knew he was taken and wooed him anyways.

I hadn't exactly worked out how I had wooed him, but I did it nonetheless. The moment Rachel asked me to be friends with him I should've stood my ground and told her NEVER! When Percy looked at me in the supermarket and asked if we could hang out I should've realized that he was as unmoldable and the least student worthy flake of flesh I could pick up. I could never have turned him into something worth Rachel.

He was already that and I refused to see it.

But she saw it. She's worth him too.

I should've been smarter, I should've been quicker, and I should've been more observant. Those were my sins. A lack of vigilance had brought me down the path I was on and only vigilance could get me out. I had to be stern, I had to be decisive, and I had to be distant.

I wondered what Grover would say. If I could tell him everything, I would've. I just knew it'd break his fuzzy little heart. He probably wouldn't say anything. Just cling to me and cry.

I couldn't dwell on it.

The days leading up to New Years were a slow sensory hell. It was like an exam, or a dreaded appointment or a surgery. You knew something was going to go down and whether you came out the other side unscathed was unknown. The entire flight to New York, I was silent. Before I had been planning to corner my father on this flight but instead I spent it staring out the window and biting my nails.

Rachel was so delighted to see me that she bowled me over in the middle of the airport. Laughing like a hyena and unafraid of the side glances she was getting. She never noticed the guilt riddled expression behind my eyes.

I kissed your boyfriend.

"Look at what Percy got me!" she squealed and threw out her hand. A loose charm bracelet dangled on her wrist, shining in a cold silver with one single charm slung low under her fingers.

"But you don't like bracelets…"

"I do now!"

As usual, it was a royal mess from the airport to the time of the party. Hotel, light dinner, unpacking, beauty treatments and goggling over dresses. My father disappeared into his usual weird club for old stuffy men with unused degrees. A place where talking was forbidden, and reading encouraged.

Rachel pulled me into a frenzy of preparations while she regaled the boring Christmas parties her folks had made her attend. Apparently one of her high blood cousins got drunk and threw uncooked escargot from the banister onto the party guests, so she had a good time.

At the end of it all, Rachel was in a rich green gown complete with black embroidery, ebony satin gloves and a mask lined in peacock feathers. She looked like a stage character, come to make the main hero fall madly in love with her and then kill himself when she denied his love.

I hoped I looked like a wrapped burrito in my grey dress layered with crinoline. I sure felt like it. Sparkly too, like a lost disco ball who fell into a lace factory.

Finally we were there. The fanciest party hall in New York City. Complete with serene white marble floors, tall domed ceilings framed by majestic columns, walls filled with the most alluring art throughout the ages and crystal chandeliers that set the whole place aglow in a magical dusky light. Alas, walking through those doors was like walking through a walmart supercentre for me. Been there, done that.

(What? I'd been there every year since I was eight. Things lose their shine when it's not new to you anymore.)

And then there it was. Right in front of me. My confrontation. My upcoming quarrel. My reason for weeks of sleepless nights and lost trains of thought.

Percy freaking Jackson.

My heart swelled into a burst of flutters.

In the majestic front hall he had managed to sidestep the lingering crowd of stuffy people and lean himself against a wall so he could fiddle with his untied bowtie. Seriously, his eyebrows were knotted down into a deep concentration and every strand of his hair was licked up in his classic bedhead look. For some reason he looked different standing there. More reachable. Less mysterious.

Maybe it was just his features that were now tied to me. Like his lips. Twisted and pursed together as he tried in vain to retie his bowtie one more time. I had a memory flaring over my mind of what they felt like on mine. I had a memory of his hands on me, his arms around me. One single memory that felt too precious and dangerous to allow back into my head but there I was thinking of it anyway.

Idiot.

With a pulse in my throat and my hands knitted together I stepped towards him. The echo of my own heels were one in dozens but they felt too loud to me. Maybe it was my panic magnifying every one of my motions or maybe I had the misfortune of wearing damn loud heels. Percy didn't notice me until I was standing right in front of him.

What was I feeling? Anger? Bitterness? All the well crafted insults I'd come up with over the week had dissolved on the tip of my tongue.

I expected him to flinch but he didn't. He held his breath. I guess he was waiting for me to chew him out but I couldn't. Not with him looking at me like that. Like I was the one who held his heart above my head, preparing to shatter it.

"Where's Rachel?" he finally croaked. Unable to keep steady eye contact with me.

Lifting my shaky hands, I started smoothing out the edges of his bowtie and working them together.

Best to keep things civil.

"Talking with her parents. She's excited to see you."

Although he looked like a terrified fox, Percy let me tie his bowtie. I wished I had elegant gloves like Rachel. Whenever my fingers grazed against his neck, we'd both stiffen then play it off. Being around each other like this was like being in a woolen blanket ripe with static.

Just as I was pulling away, bowtie complete, Percy grabbed my wrist.

"Annabeth, we need to talk."

My heart skittered down deep into my gut and back up again. I held back a burp.

"What's with you? Calling me by my first name like that is for best friends only. You'll continue to call me Chase. Okay?"

"Annabeth-"

"There you go again-"

"We need to talk."

Thanks to the heels, I was eye level with Percy. I held my gaze pretty well too. "No we don't. Not tonight. You know why?"

Percy shook his head.

"Because tonight is Rachel's night. She's been planning this night with you for a long time. So you're going to dance with her, and laugh with her, and do everything she wishes to make it perfect. If you bring up that minor hiccup that happened-"

"Was that all it was to you? A hiccup?"

I wrenched my arm away from the warmth of his hand. "Believe me Jackson, I have a selection of strong words to cut you with over what happened but now is not the time."

Whatever rebuff Percy had, it died in his throat. His eyes slid away from mine and focused over my shoulder. A presence came in behind me with the sound of clicks and an excited giggle ghosting every breath.

"There you guys are! Are you ready?" Rachel was practically dancing. She leaned past me to plant a kiss on Percy's cheek. "How do I look?"

"Like a goddess," Percy murmured. But he was looking at me when he said it.

I glowered at him, another burp stinging my throat. "You two go ahead, I forgot my mask in the car."

I had, but on purpose. I knew I'd need an out.

"Oh we can just go with you-"

"Don't be ridiculous. It'll only take a moment, Rach. How about showing Percy to the ballroom? I'm sure he'll want to check out the buffet."

Rachel stunned me with another smile and then gripped Percy's hand. "You'll love it! It's all the fanciest food you never knew you'd love to hate!"

Together, they glided off into the crowd. Percy's eyes clung to me until they finally rounded the corner to the ballroom. For the next two minutes I stood there to catch my breath. Testing my legs again because the last thing I needed was for my body to give out on me. That last thing I needed was for my heart to give out on me too.

So I left.

.oOo.

New York city. The city that never sleeps. We all know that, and thank heavens for it.

I found a twenty four hour used books shop by asking one of the party attendants.

But don't do what I did, kids. Walking downtown New York in a pricey ball gown and fur shrug in the middle of New Years is not a smart thing to do. On holidays, some of the residents of New York are twice as ballsy and will gladly hold a knife to your throat if it means gaining a few extra dollars.

I was fortunate. I made it to the store in one piece. Going from the streets that reeked of sewer steam and old gasoline to the warmly lit yet empty shop was a breath of relief for me.

Inside, the walls were framed with signed pictures of dead authors and coloured with an old yellow wallpaper that was curling up at the seams. Black decay was edging between the floorboards I walked over and even the cash desk I passed was cracked and nicked, showing old paint in riddled spots.

The books were worth it. Unorganized, piled, boxed, shoved into shelves in such a way that you had no idea what kind of book you were looking at until it was in your hands. Some didn't even have covers, the only way to uncover the mystery of their pages was to peek inside. It was like a treasure hunt for something unknown.

I made my way to the back just to get out of the eyesight of the single cashier, sitting behind the register. His pointed black eyes peeked over his newspaper at me curiously. Creepily.

I guess it wasn't every day he had a customer in a full ball room get up, mask and all, peruse his worn and love cracked books at eleven at night.

Closing my eyes, I imagined which book my mother would've picked up first and started there. Working my way down the splintering chestnut brown shelves till I reached the end. Waiting for my intrigue to be picked up in such a way that I would have no choice but to rescue a book from this store. Time was lost to me when I was surfing words. I strongly recommend old book stores.

Just when I thought I'd found something worth keeping, a pair of eyes appeared through the gaps in the spines. Staring at me. Glinted in green.

I dropped the book back into its cardboard box.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed, bunching the sides of my skirt into two solid grips.

"I'm looking for a book."

"Really? Are you really looking for a book here?"

"This is a book store, isn't it?"

"Did you just abandon Rachel to come follow me?" I asked. Outraged. "Because if you did I will lob off your head with a single sheet of paper."

From the front, I heard the cashier hack a deep rattling cough. Mumbling, he stood shakily and ambled to the front door. Finding a cigarette in his pocket to fit between his lips right before the glass door swung shut behind him. I could see him through the front window, sparking a light and taking a deep peaceful inhale. A man who didn't like confrontations, I assumed. Any confrontations.

I wished I were him.

Unfortunately, this left me alone with Percy.

"Rachel asked me to find you," he said earnestly. "One of those party server people said you might be here so I just came to do what she asked me to do."

"And to corner me into talking to you," I scoffed.

"Well… yes… But we need to talk."

"We don't need to talk about anything, Jackson." I walked along the bookshelf with him mirrored on the other side. Reaching the end of the aisle with knots jerking through my veins. I didn't want to face him. Not now.

I was just concocting excuses when he fully appeared in front of me. Handsome, tall, but with a few new New York souvenirs that made my skin jump.

Bruises. One on his left eye, just below the brow line and another cupped the edge of his jaw to the right. Starting to shift from a sick pink, to a deep purple. Blood was crusted from a split in his lower lip, leaving a maroon line down his chin.

"What happened?" Suddenly, I was in front of him. Close. Grazing my fingers against the purple skin. My heart in my throat.

It was an impulse. I swear.

Before I could correct myself, the corners of Percy's mouth twitched up into a tender smile and he slipped his fingers around my wrist. Holding my hand in place.

"I got mugged… like an idiot."

"The idiot part was a given," I said, retracting my hand. "Did you call the police?"

"No. I still hadn't found you. Besides, it was only my wallet and phone."

"Jackson!"

"I needed to talk to you!" Percy reiterated. "About the kiss."

What jarring words those were. Identification, admission. Hearing it take off from his mouth was like solidifying the past. I just wanted to put as much distance in time between where I was and when that kiss happened. Bury it like a bad dream under a mountain of wakeful hours.

"No. Not tonight-"

"I like you, not Rachel."

Boom. My head was spinning. I reeled back and almost tripped over a box of loose books. Stung with shock. For a single moment we just stared at each other. Percy was strong in his resolve. None of the disgust on my face made him waver.

"You're dating Rachel," I reminded strongly.

"And you kissed me back."

I scoffed, I crossed my arms, I opened and shut my mouth. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. Perhaps I should've just stomped off true 'crazy girl' style.

"I also live in a walk-in closet when I have a mansion to inhabit." I floundered. "I don't talk to my own father and if anything costs a penny over seventeen fifty I feel like I'm being scammed even though I literally have millions at my disposal. I do stupid things, Jackson. Don't read into them."

I turned to leave.

He caught my wrist infuriatingly nonchalantly and sucked me into his steady eyes.

"You don't talk to your Dad because you feel guilty about your stepmom. You live in the walk-in closet because you wanted a sense of home. You're cheap, I don't really know why to be honest but I get the sense it's because of your mom. Maybe she was cheap too and you feel a little closer to her by mimicking what she used to do."

A volley of retorts came firing into my throat but I never had the opportunity to stab with them. Softly, Percy reeled me in. One hand found the curve of my spine, the other snaked up under the back of my neck to cup my head. A million shards of starlight catapulted through my chest.

I couldn't breathe.

"And if I kissed you again," he whispered just shy of my lips. "I think you'd kiss me right back."

Yes. Everything inside me was screaming. My own body was betraying me with a maddening blush that reigned fire over my skin. I was a self explosion liability.

Timidly, I covered Percy's mouth with my fingers. "That is not a theory you're going to test. You're dating my best friend."

"And if I wasn't dating Rachel?" Percy held me tighter.

I hated how weak I was. How I couldn't bring myself to push him away. I especially hated how a little voice inside me was rejoicing. He was mine. His heart was at least.

That's when I figured out that being a soulmate to someone was kind of like addiction. Addiction to a person. How dangerous.

"Then you'd be dead. And Rachel would be dead. And the world would look at your two dumb ass gravestones and say, 'look at that dumb ass boy. He became a resistor because he was stupid." Finally I broke free. Stepping far enough away from him to not be intoxicated. To hide my shaking hands I smoothed down my dress. "So let's just forget this ever happened."

"I'm not just going to forget this." Percy shifted. His bowtie was undone again. "We work a million times better than Rachel and I ever have."

"So you just want to break up with her? Slowly die off because you're too dumb to see what's in front of your nose? You probably work just fine. You're probably just non-committal."

Percy stiffened. I'd hit a nerve. "She and I fight all the time! And before we fought we'd talk about nothing all the time. Useless small talk."

"Because you are, repeat after me now, dumb! You two have the communication skills of a scarecrow and a field of corn. Do the scarecrow and corn belong together? Yeah duh they do, but they wouldn't know it unless they flippin talked. So don't come to me as your second choice just because I have the common sense to speak what's on my mind."

"I try talking to her. I try, but it's weird. It's like talking to a block of cheese-"

"But you're soulmates."

"Then why doesn't it feel like it?" Percy groaned, exasperated. "Why am I always thinking of you? Why is it that all I want in the entire world, even when I'm with Rachel, is to be with you?"

"You shouldn't!"

"I know Annabeth! Styx, I know." He raised his voice. Just one tone louder, but it was enough to make himself flinch. Shrinking back, he let his voice drop to an almost indiscernible whisper. "I'm just... I'm so confused."

Something in me cracked. I wanted him to be able to yell at me. To express how he was really feeling. I hated how Gabe took that from him.

Rubbing my forehead, I sighed. "What do you want from me Percy? Are you trying to convince me to cheat with you on my best friend? Because if you are, it won't work."

Dejectedly, Percy shook his head. "I've had a full week of thinking nonstop about what happened and about us and what it all means and I still have no clue. I… I guess I just want to know…" He took a deep breath. Looking at me like a lost seal again. "If Rachel and I weren't soulmates… if I wasn't dating your best friend… would you ever be with me?"

Hope. He was rooting for hope. A hope that he wasn't crazy, that there was a connection. That despite the circumstance, I was leaning towards him just as he was to me.

I grit my teeth. "What kind of question is that?"

"Annabeth-"

"No. Percy no." I stepped back from him. Spiraling with pains, frustrations, tensions. Being in front of him, talking with him unfiltered, it was putting pressure on my brain. It was tearing me apart from the inside out. I needed to end this now.

With every one of his words, all I could see was the slow construction of Rachel's grave.

"You're my best friend's boyfriend. And you're asking me if I have feelings for you?"

Percy hesitated. An answer on his lips. But he swallowed it a second later. Dropping his eyes away from me as he did so.

"Y'know I thought you were better than this?" I quipped. "You really had me fooled into thinking you were worth her."

His eyes, something behind them shattered. Devastated he stared at me, probing me as if he had just lost something. My heart burned in protest but I couldn't be gentle. Not with Rachel's life hanging in between us.

"You're just the playboy everyone gossips about-"

"Before Rachel I'd never been in a relationship!" Percy growled.

I gripped the sides of my skirt. Lifting my lip in a slight snarl. "Pity. You might've learned how to actually function in one."

"So I'm not allowed to make mistakes?!" Percy stepped closer to me. Matching my fire in his eyes.

"Not when it comes to her!"

"So in your words I need to be perfect-"

"Because that's what she deserves!" I barked back. Stepping up to him. "How would you feel if Rachel kissed someone else?!"

"Relieved."

"Well I guess that makes you stupid and pathetic."

Percy balked. Looking me up and down once as if to check to see if I was actually Annabeth or if a snarky changeling had taken my place. "If you were in a soulmate connection, you'd know it's not ideal as everyone makes it out to be."

"If you were normal then maybe your soulmate connection wouldn't be so freaking messed up!"

It was low. I was acting low. But with every one of his deflections, all I could feel was how I was losing Rachel. It was just one extra shovel of dirt he was excavating to make room for her coffin. I couldn't allow that.

You have to understand that I couldn't allow that.

Percy grit his teeth. A shine in his eyes. "You don't understand-!"

"No, you don't understand, Percy." I spat. Poking him in the chest. "The literal universe has given you a golden road directly to the one person who will make you the happiest guy in the world and you're fudging it up. You jumped off to race down a broken sidewalk in a scuzzy neighbourhood. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I was an option to begin with but I can certainly guarantee you that I have never had any other intention than to be your friend and now I'm even questioning that."

He was crumbling. "I-"

"Get your shit together. Be there for Rachel. Talk to her. I'm done. I'm done being your referee with her, I'm done coaching you in something that should've come naturally and I'm especially done talking to you. After today I expect you to stand on your own two damn feet and leave me alone!"

Turning, I raced to the door. Running in heels has never been my strong point, but I made it work. Already knowing that Percy wouldn't follow me. Out through the door. Caught in the cold. Running blindly through the street. My chest hurt.

I had made him cry.

Monster. A part of me growled. Disgusted at myself. At my callousness. You don't deserve his feelings. You don't deserve to have that happiness.

"You bitch." I hiccupped at myself. "You… bitch."

My lungs were tight, burning. Gasping for air I crouched next to the corner of a building. Filling my body with pants of chilly fog. Swimming with tears, self hatred, and guilt.

If only you hadn't led him on.

A slick whine of metal met my ears. An arm dragged me into the alley between the buildings. A glint of a knife.

"Your belongings." A gruff man demanded with a sneer. "Now."

Instead, I vomited up a steamy gush of soulmate hearts and thick crimson all over his raggedy coat. Pausing, I wiped the smear of heat off my chin.

"Can I interest you in some blood?"

He didn't stick around.

.oOo.

I watched Percy drag himself back in the front doors of the venue. Clear tear tracks had been wiped off his face. His eyes were still raw and red. I had made true on my promise. I had cut him deeply.

It took a whole of two seconds for Rachel to find him. In shock she fluttered around his bruised face. Squealing in rage at the 'savageness' of New York City. Oathing to buy him the best new phone and wallet while simultaneously trying to see if he put up a good fight like the knight in shining armor she was convinced he was.

Percy dragged her into a hug. Desperate for comfort.

My heart burned.

Rachel only half heartedly hugged back. Too focused on yelling at servers to bring bandages, to call the police, to sweep the outside area.

From the second story, I squeezed the banister. Echoing the feeling in Percy's eyes. Hating how I wanted Rachel to just hug him tighter. Tell him things would be okay. He needed to hear that from somebody. He needed to be heard.

But Rachel tended to get a bit wrapped up in material moments to notice all the right things at all the right times. So all I could do was stand in the far distance and feel frustrated. Angry.

.oOo.

January 3rd.

ViperPiper: 9:37 a.m: How was new years?

ViperPiper: 10:01 a.m: Annabeth?

ViperPiper: 11:42 a.m: Did something happen?

ViperPiper: 11:50 a.m: I can see you're reading my texts. Are you okay? Why aren't you answering?

AnnabethC: 2: 05 p.m: I'm sleeping.

AnnabethC: 2:23 p.m: It was fine.

ViperPiper: 2:23 p.m: Are you okay?

Annabeth C: 2:23 p.m: I'm fine.

.oOo.

"It's so beautiful," Rachel said for the millionth time. She was splayed across my mattress, swinging her legs over her back. Decked out in her mega pajama gear, preparing for a major movie night.

Nestled in her hands was a soulmate heart that sparkled a robin's blue and caressed her skin with soft lines of light. Percy's soulmate heart. They'd finally shown each other, and they'd finally exchanged.

And no, her contact with the heart did not make it do that wild light trick on the walls. Apparently that was just me. A rough coincidence. Nothing more.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. The black words were starting to scramble together on my computer screen. After days of work, I was still only partially through my final essay for english. "Yes. You've made that observation… many times now."

Grover was sitting with his back against the wall. A twist of worry in his eyebrows. "You okay Annabeth?"

I loured at my laptop screen. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well… you've had a pretty constant diet of ice cream, chocolate bars and take-out steak. Also that hoodie… you haven't changed it in four days. It's as if you're going through a break up or something."

In the twinkle lights, his eyes seemed twice as pitiful which made me twice as irritable. Bless his little heart for noticing, but GAH why did he have to notice? Why did he have to compare my state to a break up? I was just a little out of spirits since my argument with Percy. It wasn't anything drastic.

"Ever heard of a washing machine?" I asked, on edge. "And I always eat junk."

"Just not in such… proportions?"

"Are you calling me fat?"

"No!" Grover flinched. Averting his gaze to the ground. "I just… I didn't mean… I…"

"Oh don't worry about it, Grover." Rachel waved off, still gazing at Percy's heart. "Annabeth's, just teasing you. Right Beth?"

You used to be the first to notice changes in my behavior. A piece of me snarled.

No, I countered myself. She's in her own world right now. It's not her fault.

I typed harder into the computer. Desperately summoning words to make coherent sentences but ending up with garbage. Frustrated, I jabbed at the delete key repeatedly.

"Sure," I said.

She should notice how I've been lately.

(But is it her job to be your keeper?)

She's my best friend, she should at least ask if I'm okay.

(And how is that her problem? You preach about communication and then you expect people to read your mind?)

My emotional decline is obvious. Grover noticed, why didn't she?

(So her crime here is that she hasn't paid enough attention to you? What made you so worthy of her attention? What makes you entitled to her concern?)

I hit the keys harder. A shiver in my throat. Why couldn't I clear my head? Why couldn't I just get this stupid essay done? They were obviously both waiting for me to start the movie. If only I wasn't so slow, so distracted, so dumb, so scrambled.

Focus.

My eyes darted to Rachel. Her soft satisfied smile as she turned Percy's heart over in her hands. Loving him while he wasn't even here. Meanwhile I still dreamt about his lips on mine.

Stop looking at it. I chastised myself. It's not yours.

(Because you don't deserve it.)

My breathing was uneven. Grover was staring at me. Trying to read my microexpression as I struggled to get a new line of words into the blank section of the digital page. The pleasant song Rachel was humming next to me felt like it was grating against my ears.

Grover leaned forward. "Annabeth-"

"I'm fine."

Rachel rolled over on her back and held the heart an arm's length away from her. Examining it from a new perspective. "I want a whole crate of his hearts. I want to make them into sculptures and work them into paintings. Or maybe I could make a chandelier of them and hang it over our bed when we get married."

I swallowed. She was so happy. She was so so happy. That should've been enough, right? After all, it was the only reason I could tack to my pathetic seventeen year life: Make Rachel happy.

So why was I so frustrated? Why did I feel like a bottled hurricane? Like a undocumented tragedy? Maybe it was the presence of the heart that was pissing me off. A piece of Percy that was haunting me no matter where I went. A reminder of the tears I put on his face, the tear I put in his heart. How I handled being cornered. The bubble of shame I hadn't faced yet.

I typed a new sentence out.

Gibberish.

There was something so scarring about his brokenhearted expression. I struck him deep, and I didn't know how. All I did was keep him away to keep Rachel alive. Was there any other way to do it? If I'd given a confession… no he'd fall harder for me once he found out I felt the same way.

Maybe there was a softer way of putting things? Setting a boundary instead of a barbed wire fence? But could I trust him to follow that? Maybe… maybe I hadn't trusted him the way I should. Maybe that's why I lost it all on him.

Maybe I'd just let my emotions get away from me. Just like when I was a kid. Maybe I hadn't changed at all.

My chest bubbled with guilt.

"Maybe I should make this one into a necklace?" Rachel pondered out loud. Tapping her feet against the ground in an excited rhythm. "I want it to be something amazing."

"You'll think of something," I assured. My fingers hovered over the keyboard. Blank. Pressure was slowly building the longer I couldn't formulate words. Just focus you useless brain.

"Yeah, but it needs to be phenomenal, y'know?" Rachel sat up to look at me with her star freckled eyes. "I don't want to hide away the connection like Jason and Piper do. I want to make a statement. Something loud and undeniable. Something that says Percy's girl."

I scoffed slightly. "Don't you say that enough?"

She caught it. My semi-bitter tone. Her eyebrows lowered. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

I shrugged coolly. "I mean all you do is talk about Percy so how could anyone not know that you're Percy's girl?"

"I do not only talk about Percy!" Rachel stiffened. Insulted.

"Well it's a good chunk of what I hear out of you nowadays." I fired back. "Plus you're always with him, so I don't think anyone could ever mistake you for anything but Percy's girl."

"Guys?" Grover tried to break in meekly.

Rachel crossed her arms. "How would you know exactly how much time I spend with Percy?! You're always with Piper and Hazel!"

"Because they're my friends?! I'm not with them nearly as long as you're out with Percy!"

"Oh, so I'm not allowed to enjoy the company of my own boyfriend?" Rachel spat. "Meanwhile you get to party along with the two popular girls and ignore Grover and I until it's convenient for you?!"

"Convenient for me?!" I gasped, slamming my laptop shut. "The reason I hang out with them so often is because you're always either out with Percy, or begging to bring him over for our movie nights, or talking about him nonstop or blabbering on about his stupid little soulmate heart and what 'outspoken' piece of art you can make it into!"

"Well SUE ME for being in love!" Rachel rose to her feet. A curl in her lips. "You'd know what it FELT like if you actually GAVE boys a chance for once in your life instead of LORDING over them with how inferior they are compared to YOUR moral sense!"

"You know how lucky you are that things worked out for you?!" I laughed mirthlessly while jumping to my feet to get on her eye level. "For thirteen years I watched you have this pathetic, useless, mindless little brained crush on a total loser of a human being. If you didn't have a soulmate connection with Percy freaking Jackson, you'd still be pining over him like a mumbling mess until the day he got married to SOMEONE ELSE! Well Rach, dear, I CHOSE to not be that desperate or sorry looking. If I ever find someone, I'm not going to wait and languish in their shadow for a drop of affection."

"You WON'T find anyone." Rachel huffed. Red faced. Shoulders tense. "Because NOBODY WILL BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!"

An image of Percy scorched through my head. His smile flanked by those precious dimples. The way his eyes took in my face right after he kissed me. Then of my past. My failures. The way my home lay empty because I was selfish enough to push everyone in my life as hard as I could.

No… you won't find anyone because YOU won't be good enough for anyone out there. That darkness said very close to my heart. Death suits you better than love.

My eyes burned. "WELL AT LEAST I DON'T MAKE THE PEOPLE AROUND ME SEEM LIKE THE SECOND CHOICE COMPANY TO THEIR PRECIOUS BOYFRIEND!"

"AT LEAST I DON'T ACT LIKE I HAVE THE POLE OF KNOWLEDGE STUCK UP MY ASS!"

"GUYS!" Grover finally shouted. Withering into shiver as we both set our smoldering eyes onto his form. "Just stop it okay? This argument doesn't make any sense."

Rachel sniffed dismissively. "Of course it does. Annabeth's just jealous."

"JEALOUS?!" I raged. Appalled at such an accusation. Repulsed by the idea. "OF YOU AND PERCY?!"

Yes.

"Well WHAT ELSE? COULD IT BE?!" She ranted back. "YOUR JUST JEALOUS THAT I'M GIVING THE GUY YOU HATE SOME ATTENTION!"

"HATE?!" I scowled. After all I did to prove that I was trying to be friends with her soulmate-

"Yes. HATE." Rachel snapped. "I saw EXACTLY how you treated him on New Years! With all your passive aggressive contempt and rage just because I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM!"

HE KISSED ME! I wanted to shriek. HE CONFESSED TO ME BEHIND YOUR BACK!

Instead, I simmered back down to sit on my mattress. If this went on any longer the demons clawing holes into my chest would rip out of my jaw. My secrets would burn free. My truths would break her apart one stitch at a time.

"Get out."

Rachel raised her chin. "You don't need to kick me out. I'm already leaving."

Grover followed her with one mournful look over his shoulder.

.oOo.

January 19th:

Hazelnut: 12:24 p.m: Yo. Why aren't you at school? Is everything okay?

AnnabethC: 2:03 p.m: I'm good.

.oOo.

When the wall slammed against my head for the eighth time, I woke up. Blearily cracking one eye open at a time. Feeling as if they'd been sewn shut with spiderwebs. Through my throbbing headache, I could make out the sound of someone pounding on my bedroom door.

Auugh.

Weakly, I dragged my feet over to the floor. Holding my hands over my ears to stifle the noise. Shocked when my big toe stubbed against something hard, cold and smooth. It clinked in the darkness and made me squint at it.

A wine bottle.

That's right.

I'd 'sampled' some of the wine from my Dad's collection. Not a lot, but judging by my banging hangover, not too little either. I'd never gotten drunk before so of course my headache was phenomenal.

"Coming," I said weakly as I wavered to my feet. Somehow I missed the wall twice when looking for a support. I was still in yesterday's clothes too. Nothing fancy. Just some camo army pants and a massive hoodie. The large sleeves didn't help me maneuver my way out of my little closet and into my main room. With the blackout curtains drawn, and the mine-field of dirty clothes, pizza boxes, and candy wrappers, it was still hard to find the door.

"Why aren't you in school!?" My dad raged the instant I pulled open the door.

A draft of fresh air seeped in from the hall. It felt weird on my lungs.

A sour laugh burbled up past my lips. "Now you notice?!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"It means-" I held a hand to my forehead. Trying to soothe the pounding. The rage. "- that I haven't been in school all week."

"WHY NOT?!-"

"Shhhhhhhh there." I held my hand out to him. "Piano voice."

My dad stalled. Flustered. Fuming Searching for words that would appropriately showcase his emotions. He wasn't good at it. "Are you drunk?!"

"Was," I corrected. Smacking my dry tongue against the roof of my mouth. "This joint still has running water, yeah?"

I pushed past him. Fumbling down the hall with him on my heels. I could feel his horror just in the way he was breathing. "Annabeth-!"

Too late. I was dunking my head in the kitchen sink. Finally waking myself up and helpfully settling a bit of the pain that was ping-ponging around my weak skull. I threw my head back and sprayed the room from the splash from my drenched curls.

I felt refreshed. Ready to burn the world down to it's core. "I think I'll take your 1964 ferrari today. It needs a good workout, right?"

A thick red spilled over my fathers face. Building behind his cheeks and forehead until he looked like a very sunburned tomato.

"You look-" I said. "-Like a sunburned tomato."

"ANNABETH CHASE! YOU-"

Whatever he was about to say, he didn't get to finish it. Something in me snapped. I took the bowl of fruit off the counter and threw it against the wall. Shattering the antique china and pummeling the floor with assorted apples and pears.

Blank, my father stared at me. The kind of stare warranted by psychopaths and lunatics. A what the hell? stare. A stranger stare.

But I was done.

I don't know if any of you have felt this before, that dispersed anger. You can't feel it in your chest anymore. That sullen pit of raw heat and pressure dissolves after a while. It seeps out through your skin and controls you from the outside. You're only aware of flares of hatred and fire when something really peeves you off. The rest of everything, you just don't care about. You stop caring completely. It's calm inside of your head. You're free of every anxiety, every concern, every responsibility.

But you're also free of love.

When your anger takes control of you from the outside, that's when you hurt the people around you the most.

Without even blinking, I passed my father. He kept the keys to his garage full of cars on some hooks by the mudroom. I also snagged a giant coat. The kind that went all the way to the ground, with long sweepy material and a sash to tie it around your waist? Looked like something Sherlock Holmes would wear but was unfortunately two sizes too big.

Now, I'd only seen him drive the lightning blue 1964 ferrari twice, but polish it forty three times.

That's how much he loved it.

I guess that's why I chose to take it.

At some point, he tried to stop me while I was revving out of the garage, but he was too late. I hit the street and stepped on the gas. Winging around the corner and burying him and the house behind me in a cloud of exhaust and the squeal of tires.

I didn't know where I was going. As mentioned before, I just didn't care anymore. Not about my grades, not my schooling, not Grover, or Rachel, or Percy. I pressed the gas pedal a bit harder. Only slightly finding pleasure in the way the car purred under my command.

I don't know how long I drove for. Only that the streets became less and less. The roads stretched farther. Flats of fields, stark white with snow paneled the ground as far as I could see. My jaw ached from grinding my teeth.

A whirl of snow would be whipped up across the road by unruly wind and I'd think of Percy. The night he kissed me.

I'd press the gas a bit harder.

A stop sign reminded me of Rachel's hair. Deer tracks in the snow made me think of Grover. The pressure was coming back, but not into my chest. Behind my eyes. My vision swam. I don't think I was entirely awake. But I did have conscious thoughts. Thoughts of swerving the car into the frozen ditch. Maybe find a way to let it roll once, make things look extra serious.

Not suicide.

Just something that would let them see me. Sympathize with me. Realize that I wasn't going to be with them forever so they had to cherish what time I had left. Even if they didn't know.

Especially since they didn't know.

I don't know exactly what happened next, but I can promise you this: I didn't swerve into a ditch.

I hit a patch of black ice. (I think?)

I lost control.

The car slid sideways, then diagonal. I slammed the brakes. A thrill in my throat. The wheels screamed a shrill lasting note. There was a smell of burning rubber before I dipped off the road. With a lung hurting lurch, the front of the car smashed into something. Crumpling up the hood and shattering the windshield in a fine etch work of spiderweb thin lines.

A pair of sunglasses fell from the visor and into my lap. After a moment of self-check, I unclamped my hands from the steering wheel and put them on. Admiring the little infinity signs they had on the sides and how they hid my sullen eyes. Nice.

I had to kick the door open. It was wedged in a stubborn pile of snow. Upon further examination I found that the ferrari had curled its fender around a utility pole. A gnarly mess of splintered wood and sharp twisted metal. Ugly, but the ferrari would live. (R.I.P utility pole though)

Now, I would've called the cops, but on that barren country road there was one single building. Its large trucker attracting sign blinked temptingly at me. Waffles. So I just strutted down the street and admired the happy little ding announcing my arrival in the waffle house. A homely little diner that was potent with the scent of fresh coffee and grease on a griddle. I dug a few hundred dollar bills out of my wallet and threw them at the waitress. Allowing them to twirl around her in a storm of promise before they fluttered to the black and white tiled floor.

"Waffles," I said.

I think she understood, because she hobbled into the back after collecting the money.

Since I was the only customer in the shop, I got to have any seat in the house. Naturally I took the corner booth with the most intact seats and spent my time folding napkins into paper swans. Lining them up one at a time until I had a miniature army. The waitress didn't say a word about my growing collection as she set a steaming plate of waffles in front of my face. I think she might've been worried that I'd take back my money. A moment later she poured me a cup of coffee without me asking.

And that was my day. Munching on waffles slowly as I named my little army of napkin swans.

Oh, and at some point the utility pole fell over onto the ferrari in a devastating crack and a rain of sparks from the severed lines.

Then it caught on fire.

Then the pole caught on fire.

I watched through the window and I named a swan Sir Flameo in honor of the occasion.

No customers came in while I was there. I was alone, getting fast refills of coffee, lounging in my booth, picking my teeth, while the flames of my Dad's most prized possession was burning through my sunglasses. All I could feel was the void of where I should've felt something and I wasn't even sad about it. I didn't even care about how I was getting home.

When dusk was settling over the fields, and the flames of the ferrari had diminished to being a simple column of black smoke, another car pulled down the street and into the waffle house parking lot. Something modest, something sleek. I didn't really look at it. I had moved on to origami frogs. I'd covered both my booth and the next two over. The swans were at war with the frogs you see, so it was important I folded an equal amount of both.

"Annabeth!"

I didn't look up. You have to fold the legs just right or the frog doesn't bounce.

"Annabeth!"

A hand came down in front of me. I gasped in protest.

"You're squishing Edmund!"

"Annabeth Chase!" Piper finally got my attention. Hazel stood just behind her with an equally worried look on her face.

Glowering, I stared up at them. "What?!"

"What do you mean 'what!?'" Piper huffed. "You've been missing school for a week and a half, you're almost an hour away from the city in a tiny greasy spoon waffle house folding paper cranes and that better not be your charred car we passed on the way here."

"It's not." I informed very matter-of-factly. "It's my dad's. And I'm folding frogs and swans. Not cranes."

Hazel blinked. "Do you even hear yourself?"

"What the hell happened!?" Piper demanded. "Did you crash?! Are you okay?! Did at least call the police to inform them about the crash?!"

"No?"

"Annabeth! That's illegal!" Piper floundered. Looking around. "Why didn't any of the staff here call?!"

"I think I threw too much money at them to care." I shrugged. "Besides, what could they do to me? Lock me up? Fine me? I'm going to die anyway. My Dad doesn't even like me so he won't care. Rachel and Grover won't care either. Percy… well that stupid head will care too much but I can't care that he'll care..."

It was starting to come back. So I pushed my sunglasses up my nose and snorted a light laugh. Finding the humor in it all easily while gently rearranging my napkin armies.

Hazel pointed to the door. "You know what? I'm just going to go pry her license plates off her vehicle. There are no cameras around. The staff here don't seem to want to get involved. I doubt they could track her car anyways. It's pretty much just a frame now."

Piper patted her shoulder in a silent thanks before she pushed some folded napkins off the other side of the booth and took a seat. I started to protest but she silenced me with an icy stare.

"What happened." It was a demand. Not a question.

"Why does it matter?" I countered airily. "Once I die it will be like I was never here… Besides, how did you even find me?"

"You left your locations on in snapchat," Piper said. To my dismay, she pushed all of my little folded creations off the end of the table. Sulking, I lounged back in the booth. Crossing my arms and slouching low so Piper could get a taste of how ungrateful I was of her presence.

In silence, we sat there. Piper probed with her eyes for answers while I ignored her. When Hazel sauntered back in with her fingertips covered in soot and smelling like a burnt chemical plant, Piper slapped the table.

"Alright. We're leaving."

I started folding another frog. "Bye."

But Piper grabbed one of my arms and Hazel took another. They dragged my limp body to their car.

I didn't fight it.

Because I didn't care.

.oOo.

I wasn't aware of the deep quarry just outside the city limits. Its depth stretched out beneath me while a simple sheet of snow wiped its belly in white. Piper's headlights pierced right across it. She left the engine running and the doors wide open, allowing the thrum of Mr. Brightside to beat out through the speakers.

Hazel retrieved a cardboard box of fine antique china from the trunk. Also a set of Piper's dad's golf clubs. Mr. Mclean was engraved on each one. I knew what she was up to the moment she started setting up the plates on the edge of the drop off.

"No." I crossed my arms as Piper tried to offer me a club. "I won't. I won't smash things like a toddler."

"And totaling a car and a hydro pole is mature?" Piper asked with a raised eyebrow.

Rolling my eyes, I took the club. Swinging it hard against the first plate so its sharp shatter rang in our ears long after the pieces went sprawling into the darkness.

"Happy?" I asked through my grit teeth. Setting the sleek silver pole down and moving back towards the car. "Now take me home."

Hazel stopped me with one hand and turned me around. "Three more."

"Three-!?"

"And tell us what you're thinking while you're smashing them." Piper added.

Growling, I picked up the stupid club. Itching with their words under my skin. They weren't my therapist. They weren't my parents. They don't control me. I didn't need them nursing after my emotional wellbeing. I was simply in a rut. I could get out of it any time I wished. I didn't need them.

Crack.

I sent a teacup into a shower of splinters down into the quarry.

"Because Piper and Hazel are bullying me." I growled. A new flush of heat coursed up to my sternum.

Crack.

A plate with tiny florets whistled into the night. My arms burned from the power of my swings but it was the most I'd felt all day. All week. A feeling of pain that rocketed up my chest and swelled against my throat.

"Because my stupid Dad is a ball of ignorance."

Crack.

I swallowed my words. Keeping my gaze steady on the handle of another teacup as it dipped out of view. Holding my head higher, I exhaled steadily. Rachel's words were starting to resurface in my head. It hurt.

Jealous.

It all hurt. Worming holes throughout my entire body.

Jealous.

I couldn't be jealous. I couldn't. That meant I wanted something from her. Something of hers. And I couldn't want that. I couldn't. Because I didn't deserve anything she had. Rachel was an angel in a pit of snakes. I was the snake amongst angels.

Crack. I forgot to keep count. Liquid fire was swimming in my eyes. I tried to blink away the pain but it kept layering over top of me. Suffocating me. My legs were shaking. Mr. Brightside was still playing in the background, drilling into my head with the words. Spinning me back to that night. The moment I yearned for again.

It was only a kiss, how did it end up like this?

It was only a kiss. It was only a kiss.

Crack. My exposed hands burned from the cold. My searing eyes couldn't make out the chinaware anymore as it was vaulted away.

Crack.

A sob started pushing itself up to my lips. I covered it by pretending to clear my throat. Fighting the full bawl fest I was about to take part in. Fighting the burbling ache in my neck.

NO. I couldn't cry. Not now. Not again. I couldn't be so pathetic while I took up their time, and their concerns. While I capitalized on their friendship. I couldn't be so weak as that night at the party. I couldn't.

But you are weak.

Frustration, anger, hatred at myself boiled against my brain. In one explosive wave it engulfed me. Blinding my common sense. I whipped the golf club out over the expanse of the quarry. It glinted once in the beam from the headlights before being swallowed by the darkness. A throat breaking scream followed it as I poured all of my feelings into one blast of sound that punched through my throat. A few stray tears scorched my cheeks. When my lungs ran dry, I watched the vapor taunt me after the echo of my cry fell silent. .

Empty, I fell to my knees. Spent. Knowing that they were watching me. Pitying me.

In silence, I dipped my head.

Ashamed. Ashamed. So so ashamed.

Was this part of me the only person they'd ever know? I gripped my fists. How could I be so pathetic all the damn time?

Crack.

I lifted my head.

Hazel had taken up a club too. She finished off a serving plate. "Because my mom's diagnosed insanity."

Crack.

"Because my stupid Dad seems to think I'll go crazy too if he doesn't vet my EVERY MOVE!"

Crack.

Piper had selected her own club. "Because of my mom's stupid boyfriends and my Dad's absence."

Crack.

"Because of my Dad's fame I can't do shit without being watched."

Hazel wound her arm back and held it there for a second. Waiting for Piper to do the same. Then, together they vaulted their own golf clubs out into the quarry. The crash of noise as they hit the rocky slope on the way down echoed back at us with a satisfying ring.

For a moment I thought that was it until I saw the twinkle in Piper's eye.

Hazel started screaming first. Loud and long and hard. With her jaw unhinged so far that her eyes squinted shut and her voice buzzed in the back of my head. Piper followed next, taking her hand. Then just like that I was standing next to them, shrieking bloody murder into an empty space. Leaning into the sound as if it could catch me and hold me tight. Tears raced down my cheeks and into the damp collar of my coat.

"I HATE HOLLYWOOD!" Piper screamed.

"I HATE ASYLUMS!" Hazel added.

I took a deep breath. My core was shivering, my brain was fuzzy. But I couldn't go on like this. I couldn't deny it any longer.

"I HATE BEING JEALOUS!" I shrieked. "I HATE BEING IN LOVE WITH PERCY FREAKING JACKSON!"

.oOo.

Selfish. Spelt kind of like shellfish and sounds sort of like sell-fish. An odd collection of letters that formed a concept recognized by every cognitive being on the planet.

And I was one of them.

Well not just one of them. I was it. I was selfish.

I'd figured it out while laying face down on my bed. My deepest flaw, my biggest problem was my selfishness. I drove away my family because of it, I wanted Percy because of it. I was even dying because of it.

No. I didn't want Rachel to just live. I wanted her to thrive. And more importantly, I didn't want to exist in a reality where she wasn't there. I didn't want to have to deal with the feelings of grief and pain so I was making her do it.

In short: I didn't want to have to visit a headstone instead of my best friend so I was forcing all that horribleness onto Rachel. Without her knowledge too.

See? Selfish.

But how could I tell Rachel that? Yo, I'm currently in love with your boyfriend. That's why I've been acting like a dingwad recently.

No. She was under the assumption that I was jealous of what Percy and her had. Their connection, not Percy himself. But how could I properly apologize without telling her the truth? I had to tell her something to some degree and 'I'm a pretty selfish bastard' wasn't going to cut it. No matter what words I put on paper, nothing was sounding right. Nothing even looked right but I chalked that up to my dyslexia.

Just as I was on the cusp of giving up for the evening, a melody started up outside. Beginning with three cords I would recognize anywhere and the lyrics to a song that I'd used as an anthem for most of my life.

Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong

You're enchained by your own sorrow

In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow.

Without taking another breath, I was by the window and peering through the darkness. The cold sting of glass against my forehead.

Rachel's red locks stood out against the snow. She stood there with a speaker in her hands. Looking up at me sorrowfully. Dressed in a simple hoodie and a nervous frown.

My feet carried me down the stairs without my brain's okay. Pattering down the steps before I flung open the door and jumped at her.

Chiquitita spiraled to the ground as Rachel abandoned the speaker to fling her arms around me. In two seconds I was secured in her famous asphyxiating hug. Breathing in her soft fragrant smell with the heave of a sob cresting in the back of my throat. I wasn't aware of how badly I missed her until the pit she'd left was filled again.

"I'm so sorry!" I cried.

I scrambled for more words. An explanation, a reason. Anything. A way to express the hoover dam of emotions I was holding back.

But again.

What could I tell her?

I couldn't tell her anything.

Rachel shook her head. "It was all my fault! I don't know what came over me!"

Chiquitita, tell me the truth

I'm a shoulder you can cry on.

Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on.

"Promise me-" I gasped. "-that we'll never fight like that again!"

Rachel pulled back. A deep sincerity in her murky green eyes. A pinch in her ginger brows. Tears on her cheeks. "I'll do you one better. From now on I vow to spend more time with you and Grover! I've been too insecure about Percy."

I gripped her arms. "No-"

"I can't shut you guys out just because I'm… well as I said before Percy's girl."

But it was me. I was jealous. I can't control my feelings. I'm sorry. Still, at the forefront of my mind was the kiss he gave me on Christmas. His eyes as I left him in that book shop.

I sighed a shuddering breath. "And I'll find a way to communicate better. I won't just marinate in his anger I've been dealing with."

Anger at myself. The world. Percy. Rachel. I guess you could say I was in the position Percy was in all those months ago when we burned that car down. And a hypocrite for it because I chastised him for not dealing with his anger appropriately.

Rachel smoothed my hair back. Concerned. It was as if she was finally seeing me again. Like I had the old Rachel back. The one before Percy freaking Jackson. "Anger?"

I'm dying. I'm dying. See me. Just see me. Please.

"I don't know what's happening to me," I said instead. Wheezing a light laugh. "I've just… been so irritable lately. Over the smallest things too. Well… you'd know. You got the brunt of it. But I promise, no more! I'll deal with it and everything can be as it was before."

Everything hurts. Everything hurts so badly.

For a moment I thought she could see through my words like when we were kids. But slowly a smile broke over her face and pounced on me again. Squeezing harder than before. "I won't mess up again either!"

"Oxygen!"

.oOo.

Frank asked me out.

I thought I should just put that out there.

Naturally, he didn't mean it. To simply put it: I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Typical.

Valentine's day was looming. I knew that because it was Rachel's new favorite subject, and every day the vicious urge to shove a sock down her throat grew more and more. (I didn't. I was simply tempted.)

I'd just escaped Rachel when I stumbled upon a cornered Frank and a doe eyed Hazel. Something was happening, and both paused to look at me. Frank with a clear 'help me' expression and Hazel was ready to brush me away like a crumb on her sleeve. I swerved and decided to go around them when Frank reached out one of his burly arms.

"Annabeth! We have plans on Valentine's day!... Right?"

Well, it wasn't the most romantic way to be asked out. But hey, he was the first to ask me so why not. I was going to die anyway.

"Sure," I said slowly. "Pick me up at six?"

"Yes ma'am."

Hazel was crushed. I didn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to see it either. A glassy sheen enveloped her gaze and she stalked off into the halls. Stiff shouldered and fists gripped.

Rachel found me eight seconds later before I could ask Frank what the hell he was thinking. She dragged me away like a leopard with its kill. More Valentines day talk ensued. I wished I really were a gazelle caught in the teeth of a big cat.

When the day finally arrived, and Rachel's preparations finally all came together, I found myself thinking of Grover.

Normally on Valentines day we'd all get together and make fun of cheesy rom coms. Since both Rach and I had dates, he was probably sitting at home watching his guinea pigs do circles and eating a one pound bag of licorice by himself. He assured me it was fine, but I knew better than that.

But Grover is almost an adult. He can deal with it. I reminded myself.

Looking in the bathroom mirror, I could now see what he was talking about. My cheek bones were more defined. My eyes were sunken. Where my clothes used to fit perfectly before, they were baggier in some areas. Even the navy sweater I was wearing dipped at the sleeves and around the waist.

Despite the eyeliner, the foundation, the eyeshadow and mascara, I looked like someone had been draining me of substance drop by drop. Or perhaps, heart by heart. My decaying state was finally showing.

"You look stunning!" Rachel was two kernels away from being completely ecstatic. She kept dancing around the cream tiled floor. "Frank isn't going to know what hit him!"

I had a product that made my hair into perfect natural curls. Products that made my skin seem glowy and made my eyes pop out. Expensive stuff that all smelled good, and felt weird. Stuff I knew I didn't need because-

"I don't think it'll work out with Frank." I brushed a hand through my perfect curls. Soft, bouncy, something that would probably freak out Frank. He was a plain guy. A straightforward one too. What would he say to me being all dolled up?

"What?! Why?" Rachel whined. "This is one of the first chances you've given a guy Beth!"

"And I just don't think it'll work out. Hazel has a huge crush on him. I don't want her to resent me."

"She'll get over it. She's popular and cute," Rachel scoffed, dabbing mascara on her lashes. "Besides, you're better for him. He needs someone that'll bring him out of that shell, not stay in there with him."

"Clearly you don't know Hazel," I laughed. Slightly wary because I didn't know if that was still a sore area.

"Well I would if someone would just introduce us already."

"Oh stop. Introduce yourself if you're so eager." I bumped her shoulder playfully.

Rachel grinned at me through the mirror. "What, and come off as the crazy one? That's your role."

"May I remind you that clowns also have red hair? And those guys? They be crazy."

"Well-"

The doorbell chimed from downstairs. I glanced at my phone, a pit of dread coiled in my stomach. Six o'clock. Why was I so nervous?

"That must be Frank," I said. "He's punctual as expected."

Rachel guffawed. "If you had a date that wasn't punctual, you'd ditch him on the spot."

Hands shaking, I slid into my stylish coat (the grey cloth one with the buttons) and glanced at my reflection for the last time. "I guess I'll see you later. Don't stay out too late with Percy, yeah?"

Don't kiss him.

"What are you talking about?" Rachel hooked arms with me. "I wanna see Frank's reaction to his lovely date!"

She did the thing I did for her. She placed me at the top of the stairs then rushed down to answer it. Giving me a wonderful moment where Frank would come in and I was floating down the staircase in the perfect lighting. A perfect start to a first date, she called it.

But there was a flaw in the system. The moment she elegantly parted the french doors to answer the ring, Percy stood there. Not Frank.

Our eyes locked. A cold whipping sensation jolted through my blood at the way his eyes melted. Then the weakness seeped into my legs and my knees buckled. I tumbled down the stairs like a starfish caught in the waves. More embarrassed than hurt, honestly. Rachel flapped around me in concern but I was having a hard time concentrating on her.

From the floor, I cracked my eyes open. "You weren't supposed to be here until seven."

Percy edged backwards from the venom in my tone. His back against the door. I guess he thought I'd be hiding in my room when he came to collect Rachel.

"You look… fancy," he said cautiously. "Going somewhere?"

Something about his eyes made my insides roll. They were soft, empty of fire. As if he were standing in quiet mourning of a precious friend.

A large bouquet of butter yellow roses were drooped on his left side. A small heart shaped box of chocolates were held in his right. He almost dropped both.

I swallowed. Peppered with guilt by our last encounter and the tears he shed because of me. Thankfully Rachel grabbed his attention and his hand.

"She has a date!" She stated the obvious "You'll never guess with who!"

"Henry the eighth," I cut her off while rising to my feet. "I want to be a short reigning Queen."

Rachel picked off a spot of lint from my coat while rolling her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous Annabeth. He's-" Ding. Dong. "-here?!"

Rachel and I glanced at each other. The panic in my chest matched her eyes. She shoved me towards the staircase. I fumbled over my own feet.

"Up! Now!" She bellowed, forcing me up three steps before I found my footing.

"Wha-? Where is she going? I thought-"

"HUSH PERCY! She did it for me, now I'm doing it for her," Rachel explained. Frantically smoothing down her hair and straightening her coat. She was just reaching for the handle when Percy stopped her. I felt like chucking one of my fine shoes at him.

"Doing what?!"

Rachel scoffed. "The perfect scene! Percy, honey, this could be Annabeth's true love! She never lets boys into her life. This has to be perfect. Shuffle off to the side, okay?"

"True love?" Percy deflated slightly. Solemnly, he let his gaze rise to where I was. Our eyes locked. I held back a burp.

With a shift of cold air, Rachel yanked open the door and practically beamed Frank to death with her smile. "Fraaaank! Come in!"

"Frank!?" Percy paled.

"Percy?" Frank was delighted.

"Ah, here she comes! The woman of the hour." Rachel gestured to me just as I crested the top of the staircase. Remaining very careful to keep my eyes steady on Frank. Not Percy.

It wasn't hard. Frank looked a little ridiculous. Adorably actually. He had his hair parted in the middle and combed down. Underneath the swelling Canada Goose jacket, he had on a grey and white checkered button up with a clip-on bowtie. Cradled in his mitted hands was an oval flower pot with a very weak looking white orchid.

I had to smile. He was perfect for Hazel in every way. Over dressed in all the wrong forms. Anxious, nervous, but very clearly trying his best.

"Is this for me?" I asked, endeared. I took the flowerpot and admired the single little blossom that appeared to smile up at me in its handful of earth.

"Yes," Frank said. "My… my Grandma doesn't believe in buying things that go to waste. She says that if a girl wants flowers she should want ones that last more than four days."

I chuckled. "She's a wise woman."

Frank released a tense breath. Relieved. Finally he met my eyes. A kindle of warmth behind those dark irises. Perhaps he actually liked me.

"I'm sorry… Frank? You're taking Chase on a date?" Percy broke the silence. Rachel elbowed him in the side.

"Yes?" Frank shuffled his feet.

I set the orchid on the bottom stair, and shot a glare at Percy as I rounded back. "Why do you sound so surprised?"

"I'm not- I just… I… I didn't expect that Frank. Proud of you bud," Percy fist bumped his shoulder weakly. Although, his eyes lacked all the appropriate sentiments he was speaking.

Frank didn't notice. He lit up like a glow stick at the simple remark.

As if she'd been stung, Rachel stiffened. Her eyes wide. "You guys! We should go on a DOUBLE VALENTINES DATE!"

"No!" Percy and I said in unison.

"Too late. We're doing this. Frank, did you have anything special planned?" Rachel danced over to him like an excited little fairy.

"Uuuuh-"

"Perfect! I'll call the restaurant and get them to double our reservation!"

My heart snagged in my throat. Decidedly, I snatched Rachel's arm and gave Frank the most apologetic smile I could muster. "Be right back."

I dragged her all the way down the hall. Past my dad's office door, dark and closed. Through the kitchen, out through the mudroom, past the guest bathrooms and straight into the pool room. Where our footsteps echoed off the tall walls and the stark smell of chlorine burned at my sinuses.

"What in styx are you doing?" I asked. Miffed. "Don't you want a special valentines date with Percy? Alone?"

Rachel still had the phone in her hand. "Did you not see Frank when he saw you? That boy was panicking like a little girl singing in a talent show."

"So?! Everyone is nervous on a first date!"

"But what if they didn't have to be? Frank is one of Percy's best friends! I'm your best friend! If we're there on your first date then there'll be no awkward pauses! It'll break the ice! We can coach you guys!"

I shook my head. This girl was talking madness again. "Rach… it's valentines day. Your first one with Percy."

"And the first one I spend away from you and Grover," Rachel said earnestly. A pain in her eyes. "Look… I have been spending too much time with Percy. I admit it. So I just want to make it up to you. This way we both have our dates, but we can hang out at the same time. Plus I extra promise that it'll make your first date with Frank really really smooth!"

"Why do you want my date with Frank to go so well?"

"Because I want you to be happy, you idiot! You've never been in love and that makes me so so sad. I want you to find the same happiness I have! It's just- ugh. How do I explain it? It's like… finding the perfect song? Does that make sense?"

I blinked. "Y'know before? When you said you didn't want to come off as the crazy one…? Well I have bad news about that."

Rachel slapped my shoulder. "I'm serious! I want this date to go as well as possible for you! So just tag along with us, okay? We can catch up and you can have alone time with Frank later."

"I don't care about alone time!"

"You should!" Rachel snorted. "C'mon Annabeth! You never dream a-happily-ever-after for yourself so I'm dreaming for you! I see potential in you and Frank and I want it to blossom in such a way that it makes you inexplicably and completely happy. I just want you to be happy."

I paced to the pool's edge. More than one of her words had pricked my pride. "I do to dream of '-happily-ever-afters'."

"What dreams? Huh? What dreams?! The only thing you've ever said you've really wanted was to become a successful architect. You've never talked about what you want in a relationship, or a family, or a circle of friends, or even pets Annabeth. You've never talked about owning a pet."

Because I don't deserve any of those things.

"I have a straightforward plan," I muttered. "I don't need anything else."

Had. I had a straightforward plan. Get kickass grades and then become the best architect in the world. I didn't even have that simple plan anymore.

I guess it worked out. I never did want much out of life. Not after my mother died at least. I just wanted to be an architect. Death was a bitch, but he was taking very little from me because I never had much to begin with.

One goal.

So it shouldn't hurt as much. Right?

A burning sensation licked my eyes. In vain I focused on the clear glassy surface of the water, trying to clear away the tears before they had a chance to fall.

All I could think about was Percy.

"C'mon Beth!" Rachel was still stoked. "Just come with us. I promise I'll make it the best first date of your life!"

I rubbed my temples. Half to relieve the stress building up in my head, half to hide the strain in my eyes from Rachel.

"Please?" she added ever so softly. "Consider it a makeup gift for… for the things I…"

You won't find anyone. Because nobody will be good enough for you. Those were the words she was thinking of. I could see them behind her eyes, haunting her long after they'd left her lips. To be truthful, they haunted me too but not because they struck true. No, they stuck to my ribs because I knew my own value. I knew what I deserved and it wasn't love.

She wanted forgiveness without asking for it.

I just wanted her to be happy.

"Fine. You win."

"YES!"

.oOo.

It was a circular table. Either I chose to sit next to Percy or right across from him.

Across was better, I decided. That way, if I had to dispose of any sudden soulmate hearts into my purse, he'd be less likely to see.

"This place is nice," Frank commented as he pushed my chair in for me. A natural gentleman.

Rachel looked at Percy expectantly. Waiting for him to do the same, but Percy's nose was already stuck in a menu. Hiding from me, I guessed.

"Rachel has a knack for finding good restaurants," I added. "She's like a bloodhound."

She'd gone classic Valentines and had us at an Italian restaurant on the edge of town. Sheek, relaxed, but with a refined menu. Without my influence, Rachel had a more expensive taste.

Not to say the joint was fancy, it was a far cry from it. (In my definition of 'fancy' that is.) Sure, the table had linen, and an underlight hummed beneath the rim of the bar but the cutlery was not silver and the glasses weren't crystal. It was simply a place with dimmed light ambience, a view of the night outside, and quality food worth a taste.

For a heartbeat, I was worried Frank would feel out of place but he easily slid into his seat and seemed unbothered.
"All you have to do is a deep search on Yelp reviews and boom," Rachel scooted her chair in. Noisily.

"If it really were that simple, we'd all be pros." I waved off. "No. You just have an eye for finding good things Rachel."

"I'll say." She reached for Percy's hand.

But Percy pulled away. Masking his motions as if he were simply craning his body to find someone he knew in the sprawl of other tables of dining customers. A growl of anger vibrated in me followed by an ounce of pleasure when I kicked him under the table. The cutlery jumped.

"YOWeeees. Yes. Rachel does have a good eye," Percy said. Glaring at me. Clearly rubbing his bruised shin scornfully.

Frank was drumming his fingers against the tablecloth. A knot of worry on his clean white face. An expression I could sympathize with.

"Frank, don't worry about the bill. I got it," I said. Patting his hand reassuringly until he calmed his fidgets.

"But-"

"I know, I know. It's not very gentlemanly to let a lady take on the bill, but this is the twenty-first century. Also it's my dad's money, so order anything you want. You saw the size of our house, our funds could use a good draining."

"Don't you hate spending money?" Percy had the audacity to ask. I glowered at him.

Rachel gave a sly smile. "Or maybe she just never had anything good enough to spend on before."

Lies. I would've bought you a castle if you asked.

"It's a holiday, I'm always inclined to spend a little more."

"Sure. As if last year you didn't call Valentine's day a 'disturbing capitalist scheme' to get your money," Rachel added.

"Hey whoa! Don't blame the chameleon for just trying to blend in." I put up my hands.

Percy had a quick retort to that, I could tell by his glinting eyes, but he was thankfully interrupted by the waiter. We ordered and I had to make triple sure that Frank got an extra side. On Valentine's Day, both boys and girls should be spoiled.

Rachel slipped a fifty to the waiter to help 'speed things along'. It worked.

"So Frank." Rachel leaned forward into the table once everything was set. Frank swallowed. "What are your plans for the future?"

"I am truly impressed by that question Rach," I deadpanned. "Honestly. How do you flawlessly come up with these riveting conversation starters?"

"Oh shut up Beth. I'm talking." Rachel waved me off as she firmly kept her gaze on Frank. I thought he was going to retract his head into his grey checkered button up turtle style.

"My Grandma wants me to take over the restaurant but I'm… I'm thinking of becoming a vet. Just an idea right now but…" he twiddled his fingers.

Rachel nodded along intrinsically. "Hmmm mmhh. That's a fine profession. Certainly pays the bills if you have any. What's your stance on kids? Yes or no."

"Yes?"

"And raisin bread?"

"It's okay I guess?"

I squeezed the bridge of my own nose. "Frank, for your own benefit I suggest you stop being passive. Rachel will eat you alive at this rate."

"Okay," he shrunk a bit farther down. Glancing at Percy as if to say help me!

However, Percy's attention was buried in his phone. Pointedly ignoring everyone at the table. That pit widened in my stomach. He was ruining Rachel's Valentine's Day.

"Oh come on!" Rachel complained. "I just want to see how compatible you two are! Plus I haven't asked the best question yet?"

I turned to Frank a bit too late. "Don't ask what-"

"What's the best question?" He was so young, so innocent. Why did I have to bring him into the dungeon?

Rachel smiled coyly. "What about Annabeth made you want to ask her out?"

Percy tensed.

Frank was an instant shade of pink, like pouring strawberry syrup into milk.

"Uhhhh-"

"Rachel please," I chided. "You're making Frank uncomfortable."

Percy tucked his phone into his back pocket. My heart hiccuped when his cool gaze landed on me. "But I want to know too. Why'd you ask her out, Frank?"

"See!" Rachel grabbed Percy's hand triumphantly. He slid out of her grasp again.

Frank was kneading a corner of the tablecloth between his fingers. A dapple of sweat was just peeking out from his hairline and the creases of his ears. If I didn't say something soon the poor boy would explode.

I knew he didn't actually like me, but there was no way of breaking that news to Rachel without creating a fiasco.

"Well askers go first," I said, crossing my arms. "What made you want to ask out Rachel, Percy?"

Percy's eyebrows shifted down. A frigid simmer in his gaze. You wanna play? Fine then.

"Her spirit," he said without faltering.

"Just her spirit?" I leaned forward.

He glanced at Rachel as if he needed ideas. "And her charm."

"What charm?"

"Hey, I am very charming," Rachel chortled. "But please, do go on about why you asked me out."

"Because she's my soulmate," Percy said flatly. "Do I need any more reason?"

"That's a terribly unromantic answer," I huffed. "Asking someone out simply because a form of weak magic told them to?"

"She's pretty and funny and cute and bold and confident and quick-minded." Percy listed without so much as an ounce of emotion. Because I liked her, was not one of the reasons.

I grit my teeth. It had been there. He had liked her. If only I could get him to remember that feeling.

Unfortunately, Rachel didn't take note of his tone. She was blushing just as brightly as Frank had been a moment ago. Starry-eyed and struck breathless just by his meaningless words. "Oh Percy-"

"Just like your mom in so many ways. Don't you think so?" I couldn't keep the snark from my voice. "Your mom is very quick witted. She picks up on lots of things."

Like the fact you haven't introduced Rachel to her yet you bastard. I glared him down. Percy curled his lip back at me.

Frank brightened in the seat next to me like a little tulip greeting a sunrise. "Oh yeah! How is your mom? I haven't seen her in ages."

"Yeah. How is she? I haven't seen her since I finished betaing her book," I said innocently. Both Frank and I beamed him in with our eyes. Take that, you moron.

"She's fine," he snapped.

I readjusted my butter knife delicately on the table. "I hope she's ready for our trip next week up to Montauk. I've been looking forward to that. Just some girls time out by the chilly ocean. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I brought along a friend. What do you think Rachel?"

Rachel looked confused, hopeful, and a little wary. Slowly it was starting to dawn on her that the words exchanged between Percy and I were barbed.

Percy sneered at me and turned his attention to a shrunken Frank. "Speaking of parents, Frank, did you do that traditional thing you always said you'd do in middle school?"

"What thing?"

"Asking Chase's Dad first before taking her out." Percy's eyes flickered towards me. That telltale lick of fire in them.

You slimy rock-brained buggar. I clenched my fists. A thread of heat wound its way up my sternum. "What is this, the eighteenth century?"

"What are you so scared of?" Percy hmphed. "Would your dad say no? Is he just naturally protective that way?"

Oooh you ass. I grit my teeth together. Throbbing with anger.

"Percy!" Rachel hissed at him. An overdue warning.

"What?! It's an honest question!"

I glowered at my plate. "Yeah Rachel, you should've asked Percy's dad- I mean stepdad, if you could take him out. Just to mix things up."

"Annabeth!" Rachel was scandalized.

It was a low blow, I knew it. Percy had never said anything about his real dad. I was poking a beast in the dark. In the moment I couldn't care less. Mess with the bull and you get the horns, bitch.

"No no, she's right," Percy said darkly. "I mean, Chase and I are the only ones at the table who aren't only children. We need to set a good example for our younger half siblings by showing them how to trust your parents. Especially step parents."

Ouch. ouch… ouch.

That blaze of rage firing through my veins wilted a little. I was forced to remember Helen's eyes. The lost sadness in them every time I pushed her away. She tried everything and I… Well, I ruined her life for starters.

I tossed my cloth napkin back onto the table and stood up, screeching my chair back. The knot in my chest was too much. "Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom."

Rachel's breathy scoldings reached my ears even as I hit the hallway to the back and turned a corner.

.oOo.

The emergency exit at the end of the hallway, next to the bathroom, was propped open with a brick. Clearly an employee had gone out for a smoke and had left the door ajar.

I stepped out to clear my head. Allowing the world of cold to wrap around me. Steadily, I released my heavy breath and watched the cloud of vapor disappear into the night.

It wasn't snowing, but I wished it would. Under the white lights from the restaurant's parking lot, backed by the orange sky of the city, snow would be the only thing that could make that place pretty. Fresh snow. Not the grey slumped stuff peppered with footprints and jumbled against the sides of the road.

I took another deep breath, crisp and dry against the back of my throat. I should've been shivering but my blood was still on a boil. Percy's maddening face danced in my mind as he leered at me across the table.

"Idiot," I spat to no one in particular. "Idiot!"

A glimmer of movement caught my eye just then. A motion from the doorway. Percy's loathsome face slipped into eyeshot

I started back at the parking lot. "Running away?"

He jumped. Then turned to leave. "Getting my head cleared. Geez."

"Well, find a dump truck, you sewer brain." I was still seething.
Percy paused. So close to being out of my vicinity. So close to releasing me from this hateful tension. "I'm sorry. What?"

"I said, find a dump truck to empty your sewer brain! Are you deaf too?"

No. He fell back outside and let the door clang against the brick. "Oh I heard you. I just wanted to see if you had the guts to say it again."

He was two meters away. (Six feet, for you weirdos out there who can't deal with meters.) A steady look in his wild eyes. Greek fire green. A shade I hadn't seen in almost two months.

A nervous energy was popping against my rage. Like my soul had swallowed fizzle candies.

"I have more guts than you know."

"Oh I know." Percy stepped closer. "It took guts to bring up my dad so casually when you know nothing!"

I reeled around to face him. "And I'm just supposed to forget the fact you brought up my dad? And estranged brothers? And my stepmom? Right in front of Frank too!?"

"You started talking to Rachel about my family! Insinuating that you'll invite her to meet my mom? What the hell were you thinking?"

I scoffed and stepped closer. Blood rolled hot in my cheeks. "Well someone has to introduce the two of them and clearly it isn't going to be you-"

"When I tell them is up to me! This is my business, not yours!" he growled. One step closer.

I poked his chest. "It's been a month and a half already. Man up you caveman."

"Y'know NONE of this would have started if you had just frickin kept your nose where it belongs. You're always dictating my life, and now you're crashing my dates?" The steam from his breath tickled across my chin and neck.

I gripped my fists tighter, tingles raced under my skin. "Rachel begged me to come-!"

"So you just came?! That was it?! What happened to all that bullshit you said in New York? You said we should never talk again and then you shattered your own words the moment Rachel even looks at you?! What. The. Hell. Chase."

Irish spring. That was the soap he'd used. I could smell it rolling off his heat. I could see the lighter tones of green in his eyes along with my own reflection. I could distinguish each individual ink black hair on his bedhead. I could count his eyelashes.

My heart thundered in my chest.

"You think I came to talk to you?" I breathed. "I came because Rachel wanted me to and I had a date to entertain."

Percy snorted. Looking down past my eyes then. "And what's up with that! Dating one of my best friends?"

"He asked. I said yes. It has nothing to do with you-"

"It has everything to do with me!"

I bit down on the inside of my cheek. Rage was making the edges of my vision blur. Disgusted, I latched my hand onto the front of Percy's shirt, and twisted it. "Not everything is about you!"

"AUGH!" Percy snarled.

Our bodies collided as he stepped into me. His arms crushed around my frame, one winding down around my back with his fingers digging into my hip, sending sparks throughout my body. The other vined up, his fingers melted through my hair and gripped my skull.

The grey brick wall of the restaurant hit my butt and I was pressed against the wall. Overpowered. Enveloped. Breathless.

Percy's jaw was grit solid. With a slight sneer his lips danced over mine. Barely touching. Barely brushing. But enough to make my stomach leap and shutter with a million butterflies.

My pride told me that I had nothing to do with this, that this was all him. But my hands were gripping bunches of his hoodie, keeping him as close to me as possible. Taking in his warmth, his smell, the ragged tempo of his breathing.

"Percy," I whispered achingly. I didn't know if it was a warning to him or myself.

I wanted to plunge in. I wanted to feel the rose of fire again. Every piece of my quivering insides was telling me to kiss him already.

Percy grit his teeth harder and winced as if he were in pain. I could feel his upper lip ghost past my mouth again. Wantingly.

"Styx, Annabeth. This is so much harder now that I know what kissing you is really like," he groaned.

The flat of his hand swept up to my waist where he tightened his grip on me. Like he was scared I would fly out of his reach the moment he loosened his hold. Skitters of electricity followed his every touch.

A pang of pain echoed down my esophagus. Hearts, I could feel the pressure build behind my stomach's wall. I held them back with a slight grimace.

Suddenly his eyes blew all the way open again. Locking on mine. Drowning me in green.

"You do like me." He whispered. Almost accusationally.

No. No. NO. I shoved him away from me. "I'm leaving."

Percy caught my arm. "Annabeth-"

"NO Percy. No." I scrambled back. "Your girlfriend is inside. Waiting for you."

Percy stalled. Considering his options. For a heart stopping second I thought he was going to try and kiss me but I knew he'd given up fighting with me when he hung his head instead.

As I brushed past him, I caught his expression fall. I had to pretend like I didn't care. But before I could get far, Percy stopped me.

"Don't date Frank," he said, hurting. "Please."

I didn't answer him. I had a hunch that I'd given him too many answers already.

.oOo.

Frank and I got our meals to go. We ended up parked on the outskirts of a frozen lake and sat in the warmth of my decrepit car. Eating out of the styrofoam take-out boxes with our fingers because we forgot to ask for forks.

It was a good thing I had napkins.

"So," I wiped off my fingers. "Why did you turn down Hazel?"

Frank shrunk his head into his shoulders. Blushing.

"She's smart, cute, talented. She's polite and sharp. Not to mention pretty," I added.

"Very pretty," Frank agreed bashfully.

"So what's the scoop? You obviously like her. She likes you."

Frank set down his steak back into the styrofoam container. He looked cramped in my tiny car. Cramped and sad.

"I'm not ready to date just yet," he said. "It feels like I just moved back here and my grandma and I just opened the restaurant. Things are moving so fast and…"

I recognized that look. That pain.

"You're still mourning your mom," I filled in softly.

"How did you-?"

"Leo speaks mandarin and is quite the chatty cathy. Be wary of him."

Frank groaned and rubbed a hand down his face. "I knew it. My grandma is always right about people."

"I reiterate; your grandmother is a wise woman."

For a moment we sat in silence. Sharing the view of a sheen of ice, blue under the moon and shaped as if a giant had left a footprint in the ground. I guess people used this lake to skate on. I could see the criss cross of fine lines cutting away the glossiness. Like spiderwebs.

"I lost my mother when I was seven," I said when I couldn't stand the silence any longer. "I know how important it is to mourn."

And the consequences if you don't.

Frank pulled at his fingers. "I don't know what to do. I do like Hazel. A lot actually. I don't want to push her away but I don't want her to be too close right now… I… I sound crazy, don't I."

I laughed. "Crazy human if that's what you mean."

Frank didn't look impressed. In fact he shrunk even more. I patted his shoulder encouragingly.

"Just tell her everything. She's your friend right? She'll understand."

"I don't know…"

"Frank, she confessed her feelings to you. That takes courage. She deserves a proper answer."

"I don't want to reject her."

I shook my head. "You don't have to reject her."

"But ask her to wait for me? Is that fair?"

"If she's really the right girl for you, she'll wait. And I know she will. Do you know how much she likes you? She gives you her food. That's a big deal for Hazel."

"I… I guess."

I gripped the wheel. Ready to drive off and ready for this date to be over. I was bushed. I was waiting for Frank to package up his garbage but he was stuck in quiet contemplation. Shyly, he glanced at me.

Slightly scared.

"What?" I asked.

Frank shifted his large shoulders. He barely fit in the passenger seat as it was. With the seat belt digging into his mass I bet he was extremely uncomfortable. He looked it.

"Can I ask you something insane?" he mumbled.

I tilted my head at him. "Sure?"

"Are… Are you dying?"

My heart stopped with a lightning strike of cold. I could only stare at him in shock. I sucked in a deep breath.

"Styx, it's that obvious?! Do I look that bad!?"

Frank jolted his hands into a wild wave about. It was like he was trying to flag down a superhero or something. "No! No, it has nothing to do with how you look!"

"Then, how I act?" I wheezed.

Mayday, mayday we are crashing hard here.

"No! Annabeth please, no. It's not you. I just have… I know how people treat others who are… terminal. Piper, Hazel and Jason treat you the same way people treated my mom when she was… yeah. Also my grandpa..."

I settled back into my seat. Knocked blank. "Oh…"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't've said anything. I'm just a bit confused by the people around you."

"What do you mean?"

"Jason, Piper and Hazel treat you like… well like you're dying. But Percy and Rachel don't."

Shivering, I turned my face away. My breath clouded a patch of fog against my window. A pit had formed in my stomach. The kind that told you you needed to cry.

But I didn't want to be pitied or coddled or babied.

I released a chest deflating sigh. "Percy and Rachel don't know I'm in a Love Triangle with them."

Yes. Frank Zhang was the first person I told about the love triangle. A boy I hardly knew, hardly spoke to, hardly even seen. I don't know why I did it, maybe I was just plain fed up. All I knew was that it felt good to finally get it out, and get it out my way.

Once I started, I couldn't stop. I told him about the years I hated Percy Jackson. I told him about Rachel's life long crush. I told him about the night at the party where Piper uncovered my secrets and Percy came to my defense. I told him how that idiot Jackson-boy kissed me on Christmas and how even after all I'd done to get him and Rachel into a happy relationship, he was still looking my way. I even told him about behind the restaurant, how even when Percy and I argue we end up being drawn together. How the soulmate magic was too much for me to resist.

If there's one thing you need to know about, it's that Frank Zhang is a doll. He nodded along, he asked me soft questions and never took his eyes off me unless I looked uncomfortable. He even had a handkerchief to offer me when my eyes started to well up. This boy's life was full of tragedies but somehow he was still a little glow worm offering light to other people.

"I shouldn't even be friends with Hazel and Piper," I snorted. Setting my eyes on the horizon so I wouldn't burn Frank with my darkness. "All I'm going to do is die and make them sad. Plus are we really friends?"

Frank pursed his lips at that. "Yeah, you're friends. They just see things differently."

"I guess I'm just a stray puppy to them, huh? Something to be pitied."

"No. They like you. They think you're really wise for your age actually," Frank said. "I think if you weren't in this mess they'd still want to be friends with you."

"But you said they treat me differently."

"In little ways. Like they don't protest little things you want to do. You'll always get to pick what snacks to eat when we study together and they won't whine about it. Or if you need to use someone's notes, they'll give it to you first. It's just small ways they're trying to make your days better. I don't think that means you're not friends, I just think they're extra considerate friends because they only get to be friends with you for a short amount of time. It's like friends with a time limit y'know? You're careful not to mess it up."

Friends with a time limit sounded better than pathetic pet project in need of support. I tried for a smile but it came out kind of weak and limp. I clenched the handkerchief tighter in my fist. That nasty ball of anger at the world was still swirling. That argument with Percy had seriously stirred me up.

"Thanks Frank… I think I needed to hear that."

Frank swallowed and laced his fingers together over his broad knees. "I think you need to hear something else."

"What would that be?"

"What you're trying to do is hard, Annabeth. Really hard. You need support. You deserve support."

Something inside me flinched. Like I owned a dark goblin who was afraid of the sun and kept him in the most intimate places of my heart. That dark goblin didn't like those words or the sincerity spoken with them.

"If you really knew me, you wouldn't say that." I chortled bitterly. "Trust me Frank. It would be better if I just withered out of his life without tainting anyone else."

Fidgeting, I turned up the heat of the car. The hush of noise filled the silence a little. Easing that tension and need for conversation to fill the void.

I was just about to shift the car, when Frank's enormous hand covered mine. The warmth and unwavering hold he had flowed up my entire arm.

"I want to be your friend," he said softly. "Is that okay?"

But I'm going to die. I won't be here long. I can't give you much.

"Okay," I whispered.

You'll regret this.

.oOo.

White orchids mean friendship in Chinese culture. I learned that later when Grover came over and found the little thing on my desk.

Actually, as Grover told me dutifully, orchids mean friendship, nobility and integrity to the Chinese and white orchids mean death and ghosts.

So yeah, Frank was pretty much on the nose when he got me that little flower. I made a mental note to haunt him if haunting was an option in the afterlife.

School began to become a bit more burdenous- burdensome, burdeny? School was a burden. My last report card had come in and scalded me with a C+ and a few B's. Serves me right for going AWOL for two weeks before finals. Piper and Hazel didn't understand why I was still even trying, or why I wanted to make it to just graduation and I couldn't really tell them. I didn't exactly want to feel like a failure when I died. Whenever that was. By the looks of it, I had cleared a few more months for myself simply by being charming enough to attract Percy. Now only if I could turn his head at the right time, it would all be over.

Thankfully he wasn't going to be at Montauk when I went up with Sally. She assured me that it was a girls weekend only, and that Paul and Percy were busy. Paul with whatever flak his two jobs were shooting at him, and Percy had an interview in New York city as a candidate for a NYU swimming scholarship. (Yes, I was proud of him. But at a respectable distance.)

So Friday night I loaded up my car with my stuff, filled the gas tank to the brim and drove all the way to Montauk beach. Four hours of driving in silence where I got to think about my mortality and cry.

I would've carpooled with Sally but I didn't want to have to deal with a fussy baby for four hours, and I would've played music except my phone died and the radio never really has anything good playing. So yeah, four whole hours of uninterrupted crying.

Fuuuuun.

When I arrived it was well past dark. Gusts of wind were whipping peaks into the ocean beyond and spreading prickles of icy snow against the rogue wood of the cabin. As per Sally's instructions, I found the key under the welcome mat in a little yellow envelope and allowed myself inside.

Cozy. Thank the heavens, just from the short trip from my car to the front door my fingers had lost their feeling and my nose was numb. Groping the wall, I found the little nub of the switch and a comforting hum rose in the room as the lights flashed to life. I set my giant duffle bag on a low seventies style sofa while taking in the tight little space. A contentment drifted lazily in my chest.

Four rooms. Two simple bedrooms with raw wood bed frames and giant hand sewn quilts, an outhouse sized bathroom and a living area with a kitchenette attached. Everything was outdated in both fashion and use but completely charming. A mismatched place.

I claimed the bedroom with the smaller floor space. A wardrobe sat squashed between two windows, but I decided against using it because of its stark smell of moth balls and raid spray.

The bed creaked under my weight and was doughy instead of springy, but comfortable nonetheless. Cocooning myself under the covers, I covered my head with a pillow and allowed my brain to clear. Purging my mind of all the dark thoughts death brought. Reminding myself that I still had time. I was still alive.

I listened to the sound of the wind pummeling against the walls of the cabin, the click of glass under strain, the roar of the sea as water met land.

Apparently I fell asleep. Not for long, but enough to heavy my skull with drowsiness.

When the front door slammed shut, it knocked the sleepiness clear from my bones and I sat straight up.

"Sally?" I called. "Is that you?"

Footsteps stomped across the wooden boards of the cabin. Heavy, sure footed. Not a dainty lady holding a baby. A spike of dread curdled up my insides. I reached for the lamp on my bedside table, anything that would serve as a weapon.

"Why in styx didn't you answer your phone?!" Percy stormed in. Bundled up like an explorer ready to breach the northern border. His eyebrows knit down and his lips twisted in a scowl.

I clutched the base of the lamp harder, now tempted to truly throw it. "WHAT are you doing here?!"

"Why didn't you answer your phone?!"

"What are you doing here?!"

"I'm here to check on you, you nincompoop!" Percy ripped off his gloves. "Because you didn't answer your phone!"

"My phone is dead!"

"And my mother has gone insane with worry! Never let your phone die when you have plans with her again!"

"Why isn't she here?" I set the lamp down and crossed my arms. "Where is she?"

"She's at home."

"Home?!"

"Chase, did you even think to check the weather before you left? The biggest ice storm in the history of New York just rolled in! My mother has been calling and texting you for hours trying to make sure you stayed home. She even went to your house but you were already gone! She sent me to check to make sure you made it here alright."

My gaze found the window. Ripples of water were already frozen against the glass. Wind whistled against the structure in a high pitched squeal. I threw the quilt from my chest.

"I gotta get out of here."

"Chase, no-"
"I can't stay here. I've got homework to do at home."

"Well, you can't go out there. I barely made it myself. The roads are already coated in ice."

My feet hit the frigid floor. "No. No no no no no no."

It took me less than fifteen steps to make it back over to the front door. Without hesitating, I wrenched it open and a blast of cold air ripped over my body and past my limbs. Sheets of rain splattered down against the sheathed ground. Ice, thicker than the width of my arm, coated every surface, every rock, every tree. Across the way, an old oak tree, milky from ice, moaned in stress. Close to breaking. I squinted through the blur of rain to see the powerlines, which were starting to shift and lean in odd directions, were spiked with icicles off their t's. It gave them the appearance of hovering faces with ghoulishly sharp teeth.

Heavily, I slammed the door, locking the cold out again. Heat began to creep back into my body as I stood there, empty minded. It wouldn't be long before everything went to shit.

"This is bad."

"Obviously."

"I need to get out of here." I brushed past Percy. Scanning the room over and over for things to do. For ideas or some magically written escape plan.

Instead, I found the thermostat and cranked it up.

Maybe I could find tire chains and hardcore my way back to civilization. Maybe I could take refuge in a nearby coast guard center. Maybe a small town wasn't far off and I could hike far enough to find.

In the kitchen cabinets I found a box of stale crackers, six scented candles and half a full box of matches. I ripped past Percy to the bathroom and tore out underneath the sink. Only towels and rolls of toilet paper there.

Percy caught me by the elbow on my rush to the other bedroom. "Chase, we just need to wait out the storm. It's going to be fine. I have food in the van."

I shrugged him off. "Oh yeah? Do you have a heater in there too? How about water genius?"

I found a pitcher above the empty fridge and started filling it with water. But the stream that came from the faucet was sputtering and freezing. It wouldn't be long before the pipes froze over and potentially burst.

"Chase," Percy said calmly. He lay a steadying hand against my shoulder and leaned across my body to shut off the water. "It's going to be okay. Grandma Zhang always keeps a camper stove in the van, and I made sure I had plenty of water and food before I left. I kind of figured I'd get trapped here."

I pushed away from him. My stomach was gurgling and shifting in my gut. Ready to make more idiotic soulmate hearts, I was sure of it.

"You knew you would get stuck here and you still came?!" I rasped.

Percy's look steepened. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"No." I rubbed my hand down my face and dug my palms into my eyes. "No. No. No. No no no no."

"It's not that big a deal."

"No. No. It is a big deal."

Percy snorted and pulled a hand through his hair. "How? How is it a big deal."

"I can't be stuck in a cabin with my best friend's boyfriend all weekend! Especially since he's in love with me!" I laid it out flat for him.

"I'm not in love with you!" Percy scoffed. "Just because I wanted to make sure you were okay doesn't mean-"

"You would strand yourself in a tiny cabin by the ocean on the brink of New York's biggest ice storm knowing there was a chance of getting stuck on the road and freezing to death just to make sure I was okay and you're not going to call that love?" I crossed my arms.

Percy's gaze grew distant. He blinked, in a daze. "But that doesn't mean…"

Light dawned in his eyes. Slowly, painfully and in such a way that it bred horror on his face when it finally hit him full on in the chest.

"So…" Percy stuttered, standing there with a look of awe on his face. "So this is love?"

That hurt my heart.

"As much as one sided love can be." I fired back quickly.

Percy deflated a little. Skittishly, he paced back to the door with an absence in his eyes before turning back to me. "This… this is love."

His resolve was hardening. His grasp on the term was growing more confident. But I could see in his stance, in his gaze, in his movements how it was starting to kill him. Poisoning him from the inside out as he came to terms with his own emotions and how they would never be reflected back to him from the person he wanted.

"Wow," he said a little breathlessly. Dropping into a sitting position as if it would help him think better.

Yep. A pit of pressure pressed against my throat. Hearts. I held them back and sank down beside Percy.

"Now could you kindly start panicking with me?" I asked.

For the next few minutes we found a respective corner each, scrunched up in a ball and panicked and thought and schemed alike. But when you're in the middle of an emergency, you can't panic for long. Eventually we had to be productive (ie. calling his mom, bringing in the camp stove and what food we had.)

By the time we sat down to plan, the cabin heater had been running on high for an hour. Forcing us to strip out of our coats and sweaters. We sat slumped on the musty smelling sofa. I was deep in thought on how I could use my family's money and power to get myself out of this position and Percy was deeper in despair.

He kept staring at me, lost. Unsure. Confused but unwilling to give up his attachment in his mind. Scarily enough, he constantly looked two seconds away from kissing me. I had a hard time reigning in my heart. The more it hurt and thudded against my ribcage, the harder I thought.

But nothing would come.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted on New Years… and Valentine's day," I finally said, just under my breath. I couldn't stand the silence any longer and I was done with burning bridges and throwing immature tantrums. "I was cruel to you… and I… well…"

It was a weak apology, but Percy's expression went soft. Happy. I had to turn away to hide my ripening cheeks. Still in pain but somehow it seemed bearable to him now.

"Percy-" Although, I couldn't just let him back in. "You know that the thought of losing Rachel petrifies me."

Percy gently tilted his head to the side. "Why would… you don't really think I'm a resistor, do you?"

I couldn't answer that. Not a resistor, per se, but definitely someone who wasn't choosing the girl he was supposed to be choosing.

"Just promise me you'll always protect her. Okay?" Even when I'm gone.

Percy eyebrows drew down. An innate seriousness echoed on his face. "Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

I couldn't look at him. "Because you fell in love with me when you weren't supposed to."

Knotting his hands together, Percy stared at his lap for a few minutes. When I glanced at him I could see his mind working behind his eyes. Sorting out invisible puzzles. Feeling insecure and lost but still willing to try. (How did I know that?)

"Wisegirl?" Percy turned to face me. "Can we be friends again now? I know… there's a few things between us but… I just miss you."

My chest hurt. I chortled a little desperate laugh. "Rachel, Percy. Rachel."

"But-"

"You think we can just walk it all off? I've tried, styx I've tried. But emotions don't work that way."

Percy shrunk back again into the cushions. Defeated. Like a little seal pup who was stuck on an ice flow.

I tapped the fabric of the sofa. It was scratchy and full of those little fluff pills. If I took a deep breath in the cushion I'd smell cigarette smoke and jack daniels, I was sure about that. It seemed like that kind of couch.

"I missed you too." I added. My voice hoarse.

Percy smiled weakly at me. The kind that gave him just the tiniest divots in his cheeks where his dimples would bloom. I didn't want to admit the power it burst over my worn and weathered heart.

"So we have to find a way out of here." Finally he understood.

I nodded. "We're two strong mature young humans. We can figure this out."

Percy gave me a strangled look. He was still reeling from his earlier revelation and now I was putting ill suited labels on him.

"Fine," I reasoned. "I'm a strong mature young woman. I'll figure this out."

With a sharp crack, the lights flickered then died. Leaving us in a new darkness. Pitch black almost.

Good timing lights.

"Aw shit."

"Aw shit." Percy cursed harder. Tenser.

I tried blinking away the darkness to see him but his expression was still heavily shadowed. "What?"

"No electricity."

"Your point?"

"No heat?"

"Thank you Captain Obvious?"

Percy rubbed a hand up his arm over his bicep. Sheepish. "I spent a few winters with no heat. Byproduct of Gabe's gambling. Things are about to get super cold, super fast."

What was his deal? "Yes… that's how electricity works."

"Annabeth, we're going to have to stick to one room… One bed."

"Oh hell no."

.oOo.

I took to one side of the mattress and convinced myself I wouldn't move. But Percy was right. The cold was unrelenting and seeped in through the walls like a breath of death. I woke up at two in the morning, shivering so hard that my teeth clattered.

A sliver of light was drifting out from behind the second mattress that was pressed against the window. The moon must've been out, but still I could hear the gentle patterings of rain against the sloped roof.

Percy had done all he could to keep the warmth inside. First he shoved towels into all the crannies of the two windows. He got the wardrobe moved against one window in the room and got the mattress from the other room to cover the second. With all the green cushions from the sofas, he lined them against the walls to hopefully make thicker insulation. All the bedding from the other bed was piled on the first, creating a downy pile I just ended up melting into. Percy finally collected all of our belongings and food into one corner of the room.

Every hour I could feel him leave the bed and head outside to scrape the cars clean.

He really was doing everything to try and get us through the storm. It was hard not to admire him.

Lighting came from two scented candles, which we placed on the bedside table. They gave off little puffs of warmth that were almost untraceable. But apparently it wasn't enough, because I could see my breath.

In vain, I tucked my head under the mass of quilts and sheets and breathed deeply down into my body to try and warm myself up. But the warmth from my breath faded faster than cotton candy in water. I tried rubbing my legs together, but that only made my cold shot muscles tired.

"Take off your coat," Percy mumbled from behind me. His back was still facing me, I wasn't even aware he was awake.

"What?"

"Take off your coat."

I kind of already knew where this was going, but I was too cold to really care. I slipped out of my downy coat and flopped it on top of the quilts over my body. Percy rolled over and scooted to me. He pulled off his winter coat and added it to the pile.

"C'mere."

Pushed myself backwards into him and was met with a pillar of heat. "Oh! You're… you're so warm, what the heck?"

Percy was dopey, squinting from bleariness. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tighter against his body. Spooning me.

"You're just skinny," he murmured into my hair. "Too skinny. It worries me."

So he noticed too. Could I even hide my deterioration for much longer? Maybe I should take off for a foreign country. Die alone and let no one witness my mayday state. Maybe I could feign a fake illness that would better prepare my friends for my death. Maybe I needed better plans and to stop panicking so quickly. My throat felt tight already.

"Your heart." Percy swept the palm of his hand up from my stomach to my thumping ribcage. "Why is it beating so fast? Am I making you uncomfortable?"

He still had that deep steeped gravelly tone from sleepiness but he was starting to wake up more.

I laid my hand over his and intertwined our fingers. "No. I'm fine."

Percy's own heartbeat was reaching through his chest, into my back. It was even, slow but sturdy. I couldn't help but compare it to the rhythm of a lullaby. As he snuggled in closer, I bit my lip to hold back a shuddering breath.

I wanted this.

I wanted a reality where Rachel wasn't part of the equation. Where I wouldn't lose my best friend just for loving a stupid goofy boy with a lightning strike smile.

Above all else, I didn't want to feel guilty for letting myself cherish his closeness.

.oOo.

Warmth. It was all I could feel when I slowly peeled myself away from sleep. Percy was still snoring softly right beside me, holding me like I was a treasure.

Well, warmth and pain. A deep unsettling pain that was wedged between my lungs. Every breath I took sent a stabbing sensation down the center of my body. I tried not to groan and fisted my hand into my chest.

I needed to release all these hearts. Who knew how many were crowded inside of me, cutting into my organs and dripping blood into places that didn't belong?

With subtle movements, I shifted towards the edge of the bed, but Percy's arms tightened around my waist. He nuzzled his face into the curve of my neck sleepily.

I pried my fingers under his hands and tried pulling them away.

"No. Warm," he whispered huskily against my skin. Regripping me.

My entire body jolted then filled with a flushing heat that stretched to the very tips of my fingers and toes.

"Jackson, I need to go to the bathroom." I tried again.

With a soft whine, Percy let me go.

As cold as it was inside the room, I found the hallway to be even colder. The floorboards didn't creak under my feet, but moaned. Frozen to a new stiffness they were not made for.

I expected to look like trash when my eyes met the bathroom mirror. Over time, I had become accustomed to the dark circles and sallow complexion of my skin.

Perhaps it was the darkness of the bathroom but I looked pretty good. Better, even, than when I went to bed the night before. My eyes were clear, my bags were decreased and my cheeks weren't pale but flushed with life.

Percy?

I recalled the night he stayed over to nurse me when I was sick. How the next day I felt magically better, and my cold all but disappeared.

Impossible.

I reached for the tap.

It's not like he has healing superpowers.

The tap didn't work. In silence it mocked me. I flipped the lever twice more but nothing came out.

Great.

I needed the water running to mask the noise of my tiny hearts hitting the porcelain. I needed the water to wash away the blood. Without it, I couldn't relieve the pain pulsing against my sternum.

The kitchenette sink still worked, but I didn't have the security so I stumbled back to the bedroom, grumpy.

Percy was awake. Staring up at the ceiling with an empty expression. I could guess how he was feeling. When I passed through the threshold of the door, he glanced at me flightily as if looking at me too long might scald his brain. Peeking at me every other second as I retrieved a binder from my backpack.

He made a surprised noise in the back of his throat when I crawled under the covers and positioned myself in his arms. My back to him so I could attempt to get some reading in.

"For warmth." I made myself clear.

"For warmth," Percy said back at me. The tiniest of smiles in his voice.

Bless this cold.

Enough daylight was beaming through the cracks in the covered windows that I could still read, but dim enough that it was still difficult.

"How long is it supposed to rain for?" I decided to engage in one tiny bit of friendly interaction. Half to test if Percy was distracted by my closeness, and half because I wanted to know how long the freezing rain would last.

"All of tonight and a little bit of tomorrow. Who knows when the roads will be clear enough to drive on," Percy said, close to my ear. I shivered again.

Great. I was stranded.

At least I had some old school work to focus on.

Swiping the curls from my face, I focused down on my work again. Lines about stories of the past and losses that could never be felt through the dry descriptions swam past my eyes. I could still feel the sting of the C+ that haunted my report card.

"I thought History was last semester," Percy said. Breathing over my shoulder. I nudged my elbow backwards at him.

"I didn't get the grade I wanted."

"Did the teacher say you could change your grade?"

"No."

"Then why are you even bothering with that stuff anymore?"

"I just… I need to feel like I know the material in my mind, okay?" I reshuffled my pages, feeling defensive. "If I haven't done well in school, I should make up for it."

Percy made a face. "That's dumb."

"You're dumb."

"Ouch Chase, I thought you thought better of me."

"Puh-lease. You know how I think of you Jackson."

"Oh yeah?"

"You're an unapologetic caveman. If I haven't said it before I'll say it now." I glanced back at him, slightly smirking.

Percy chortled. His dimples arrived on either side of his adorable smile. "I think I've heard the word 'caveman' one too many times out of your mouth."

The pain in my chest flared. Fiery in nature almost, and burning its way up to my throat like a miniature leopard made of lava. Augh, why did he have to smile like that? Why did he have dimples?

"Well I call it as I see it," I faked a grin. My insides were boiling.

"So is that all you're going to do today?" Maybe he thought he was sly, talking to me as if I wouldn't notice his arms tightening around my midriff.

I pretended to not notice. "Yeah, pretty much."

"You don't want food?"

"Not really."

"You're just going to sit here and study?"

"Yep."

I could feel Percy sigh. Tenderly, he let his forehead fall against the back of my head, sending his breath tickling down the nape of my neck. "I'm not complaining, but doesn't that seem kind of boring?"

"What, studying all day?" I tried not to sound tense. "Like a responsible adult?"

"Why be a responsible adult when you're a teen?" Percy asked as if I was the crazier one of the two of us.

I snorted at him. "Okay, so what do you want to do Mr. Young and Impulsive?"

.oOo.

Mrs. Zhang kept cookie sheets in the van. Wide industrial ones she'd use to cover the windshield in the summer to reflect sunlight and keep things cooler. They were old, and stained but with a nice sturdy rim to hold onto and a smooth surface.

Carelessly, Percy plopped one on the ground and pointed to it. "Sit."

"As if!" I scoffed.

It was still drizzling. It wasn't exactly cold out anymore, but cold enough that I could see my breath be punctured by the raindrops. That paired with the whipping wind, it was quite miserable outside. I just wanted to study.

Percy crossed his arms. "Fine, you can push me instead."

I got on the stupid cookie pan. Sitting cross legged and wincing at how the cold burned through the metal and into my tush.

"Hold on tight." Percy said. A stupid grin in his stupid voice.

My fingers had barely hooked onto the edge before I was blasting forwards. The strength of Percy's hands pressing against my shoulders. The slick of ice beneath me made my move forward almost frictionless.

I was flying. Wind and pinpricks of rain smashing against my face and neck. Tangling through my hair. Breathily, I laughed. My eyes stung from the cold but a new burst of exhilaration was in my heart. As the air stole my breath, Percy gave me one final shove and sent me twirling through the rain. Making my world dance and setting a dizzy elation in my head. All I could make out was the shine of the ice and the horizon that split the land from the sky. A beautiful mess.

Percy was breathing hard, but seemed overjoyed at my cheek splitting smile. "Again?"

Holding out my hand, I grinned up at him. "I have a better idea."

I hope you're familiar with the sciences involved in sailing, because with one tarp, and two broomsticks duct taped together later, we had a sail.

I sat back on the cookie sheet and tapped the space behind me. A tiny ledge Percy could barely fit his ass on.

With his warmth pressed against my back, I directed him. "You hold the tail of the sail. I hold the base. There, now if we face the wind-"

It happened. We inched forward. I let out a whoop that scattered over the blank fields of emptiness and came back to me like a boomerang. Percy laughed in my ear, a delightful noise that tickled my heart out of loneliness.

Gradually, we picked up speed. Whipping over the fields of ice. Directionless, uncontrollable. Rain soaking us to our skin, and a buildup of ice already starting to form on the broomsticks. The end of the tarp snapped against the wind, drowning our airy laughs. Percy had his arm wrapped around my waist, holding me close.

I felt free.

Free of all those concerns and pains that had me by the throat. Free in a good way. Without losing myself to despair or wrecking a car or smashing things or screaming into an empty pit.

Even when we hit a bump and went flying, I was laughing. The sail fell out of my grasp and we went skidding against the ice. I lay against the ground giggling as Percy crawled over to me with an equal happy high expression.

"I forgot what it was like to have fun," I said. Pulling Percy down next to me playfully. Forcing him to feel what it was like to have freezing rain hit your face. It kind of burned.

"That's because I haven't been in your life."

"No." I scoffed, smacking at him while smirking. "It's because I've been focusing too much on work."

"Yeah. Too much focus. Far too much." Percy agreed. "You should forget about work for the rest of the day."

"Well not the rest of the day-"

"In fact, you should just forget about working for the rest of your life."

"Percy-"

"A no-work policy, how does that sound? Hakuna Matata. What a wonderful phrase."

Laughing, I turned on my side to face him. Slightly numb. "If you don't have something to work for then what's the point of living?"

Percy snorted. "My mom says that if you work constantly for the future, the present will pass you by."

"And my mom said that if you don't work for a future you won't have one."

The mirth died in Percy's eyes. "Your mom?"

Me and my big mouth.

I turned back to the weeping sky. "She just knew a few things."

Percy swiveled his body around and rested his chin near my shoulder. Looking at me with those seal eyes again. My chest throbbed painfully. I restrained a wince.

"Like what?"

I couldn't look at him. "About life. About happiness."

I tried to ignore him. But there was something in my chest. Something warm. I wanted to talk to him about her. I wanted to share what she was like.

I'd never felt that way before.

It was scary.

And when he peeked at me with those upturned eyebrows and curious depths, I just about melted. Maybe I hadn't always found him insanely attractive, but I did then.

"Tell me about her?" He asked innocently.

I was glad we were in a semi divot between two hills. The wind didn't swarm your ears there but the rain still fell to soothe my flaming cheeks.

How was I supposed to live with this boy for the next day and a half and not fall more in love with him then I already was?

It was mission impossible. Emphasis on impossible.

"What do you wanna know?"

Percy shrugged. "Whatever you want to tell."

But what did I want to tell? How could I sum up my mother in only a few words? She was radiant and kind and full of life. She understood the pulls of the world and society. Most importantly, she understood me. My stomach fizzled with the few happy memories I had with her. Our short time together.

"She was wise," I said, unconsciously smiling. "She knew that financial security brought happiness, but an over abundance of money didn't. When she was alive we lived in this tiny bungalow in the country by a stream, even though she was the CEO of a multi-billion dollar business and we could've owned a castle. Somehow she was great at being a boss and a mom."

Percy smiled sweetly. My heart churned. "A boss mom."

"A boss mom," I agreed, clenching a fistful of my coat tighter. "I think my dyslexia diagnosis was hardest on her. -Well what I could perceive as 'hard' being a five year old. She loved books and stories and she was so eager to share that passion with me. When I got my diagnosis, she wasn't willing to give up that dream of us bonding over books. She made a plan, she read articles and medical journals and talked to specialists. Then every night we'd sit down in the living room and read together. No matter how frustrated I got, she was always patient and encouraging."

He was looking at me so intently. Studying my face quietly as I spoke. I pretended not to notice how his eyes lingered on my lips. Rain was dripping off the side of his face, but he didn't seem to notice.

Even I couldn't feel the wet and cold.

"Is that why you work so hard at school?" Percy asked quietly.

That was a personal question, but to tell the truth he'd pegged me. "I've already lost so much of her, memory wise. Holding onto some things she did makes me feel closer to her. Getting good grades is the only way I know how to prove to myself that I'm still fighting my dyslexia. I just… I just don't want to let her down. Y'know?"

"You think she'd expect you to get the highest grades constantly?"

"No…"

"Then why?"

"… I don't know where to stop so I keep reaching for new goals in that fight. The highest grades, the most reading intensive extracurriculars, the heaviest essay courses..."

Or at least, I used to reach high. I couldn't admit to myself how guilty that C in history made me. I felt like I'd failed her. All these years later and my dyslexia was finally getting the better of me.

My chest hurt.

"Your mom would be proud." Percy beamed at me. "No matter what, she'd be proud."

The softness in his eyes was something I had to ignore. But I couldn't disregard the gentleness in his fingers when he reached out and brushed my wet hair to the side.

He caught himself. "Sorry! I just… feels natural to.. to-"

Maybe it was the fact that I didn't protest at his hand, or give a dark expression. I'm afraid I looked like I was very taken by the gesture and that just switched something in Percy.

He leaned forward. I watched him come, unhindered.

Just before our lips would be locked in a kiss, he stopped. Hovering there. Both of us held back by one thing. My thudding heart yearned to lean forward and close whatever gaps we had but my mind had a lifetime of memories I honored too deeply to do that.

"What are you doing?" I hummed. Putting off pushing him away.

"Just talking," Percy breathed. His lips fluttered over mine like butterflies mid-dance. Tingles arched through my body and I held back a pained moan.

"Just talking?" I asked.

Percy tilted his head slightly. Smelling like ramen and warmth. "Yeah."

"I think this is an appropriate time to bring up Rachel," I finally said. Releasing the rest of my breath that I had been holding. I firmly closed my eyes so I wouldn't see the heart skipping feelings floating through Percy's gaze.

"Seems about right," Percy said.

"Rachel," I said one more time just to drive things home.

"Rachel," Percy sighed. He pulled away. Bringing his warmth and enchanting looks with him backwards. "It's late. We should head in now anyways. You must be freezing."

An onslaught of emotions followed as always. My heart was drumming with disappointment and sour bitterness. It wreaked mental chaos through my head but I wiped them aside. Then, just as they were subsiding, an intense crack of pain zapped through my stomach. A stab from a molten blade.

I cried out and doubled up, forward and over. Tendrils of frigid agony laced through my intestines and up into my lungs. Locking my breaths into quick jagged gasps that gummed my throat. Shivering, I wrapped my arms around my torso and dug my face into the ice. Crying, whimpering. Semi aware that Percy was buzzing around me in a blur of concern and confusion.

I could hear him, but not register what he was saying. Everything in my world had turned into a clash of raging hot and freezing cold. Pain woven amongst it all like seeded acid.

I couldn't stay there. I couldn't let him see. I was about to burst.

I ran. Sprinting, racing, dashing.

Past the cabin, over a slight incline, behind a bunch of brambles weighted flat by the thick coat of ice.

Cold burned in sharp prickles against my face and hands as the rain struck me. The ground beneath my feet was unforgiving and slick. What hadn't been able to feel before now felt like blades against my delicate skin. My legs were weak and failing.

My footing flipped out from beneath me. I crashed against the marble frigidness. Skinning my palms and setting a fire across my hands. The cold followed me to my crash site and sunk hungrily into my body. Finally devouring me.

It all came up. Every little motion Percy had done those past twenty four hours had created a flood of hearts. The metallic taste engulfed my mouth as the stream started.

Crimson blood pooled across the ice and was instantly attacked by the smattering rain. Dozens of hearts already lay on the frozen ground but more came. Mocking me with their stars in this stormy weather. Swarming my nose with the pungent smell as I retched and writhed on the ground.

Finally, my gut stopped lurching. My body rested easy. I could breathe again without feeling as if I were about to pop. In total relief, I sat back and exhaled a long cloud of vapor into the darkness. Panting away the final feelings of nausea.

"Annabeth?!"

I turned my head so fast that my neck cracked. Liquid static fizzled down my spine.

Percy stood a few feet behind me. His eyes were wide and flickering. Down to the stain of blood and clear hearts lying amongst the ice then back up to my face. Rain had spiked his hair to his forehead, his coat clung to his shoulders and neck. In the dim cloudy light I could still make out the green in his eyes, sparkling like oceanic jewels.

"Percy-!" I tried to stand but my legs felt like noodles. Before I had the chance to utter anything else a gurgle of blood spilled over my lips again. I wretched and spat it to the ground. Another heart tinkled against the ice.

Suddenly he was behind me, holding my hair back so I could get the last of the blood out of my mouth. That tinny taste felt like it was radiating through my whole body.

"Annabeth." Percy said. Low, restrained. It was as if he were afraid to breathe. For some reason I could tell that he was staring at my hearts from over my shoulder. "Annabeth…"

He knew.

He figured it out.

Percy was way smarter than I had really given him credit for.

I wasn't just a glitched soul. I couldn't even try and convince him of that.

Through my hair, I could tell that his hands had begun to shake. My chest bounced. I couldn't say anything, only be consumed by my own shame and dread. Trembling as I grappled with the sinkhole that was hollowing out my chest.

For a few mind empty minutes we just sat in the rain, watching my blood trickle away and be locked in a new layer of ice. As I counted the hearts I realized I couldn't feel the frozen air anymore. I couldn't feel anything.

"You," Percy finally croaked. "I choose you."

My whole body jolted with electricity. I wheeled around at him. "No!"

He caught my face with his wet hands. All I could see were his questioning eyes, the anguished part in his lips, the knit in his brows.

Rachel's soulmate. I told myself. Rachel's.

"Don't," I begged. His eyes had wandered down to my lips with a need. If he kissed me now I knew I wouldn't have the willpower to break away. I was too spent to fight it. My chest hurt. "Please. Don't."

"But you'll die!" Percy rasped desperately. An anxiousness in his tone I'd never heard before. He leaned forwards. "Annabeth…"

"I'm prepared to die," I said. Weakly. Straining to get the words out without a crack in my voice. "I've been preparing to die."

I'm willing to guess that you've never seen a boy's heart break through his eyes.

It's devastating. Like watching an iceberg fall free from a glacier, knowing that it can never be mended the same way.

Shocked, in pain, Percy recoiled and did a onceover of me again. Looking at me as if I finally made sense. Looking at me as if I had just shattered his world. Looking at me as if I had just murdered all of his dreams. He didn't even breathe.

"No," he gasped. Through the rain that froze glittering crystals in his hair, I could discern the instant track of tears that poured over his eyes. "No."

Everything in me was tight. Compressing. My throat felt like a balloon.

"Percy." I reached for him but he flinched backwards. Stung by my words. By me.

Betrayed he scrambled up to his feet and stumbled away. Clutching his arms over his midriff as if someone had stabbed him and he was trying to keep in his guts.

I was shaking. I didn't realize I was until Percy was out of sight.

From the cold? Maybe. I still couldn't feel it. I felt like I couldn't feel anything physical. Or maybe my emotions had overcome my body. Maybe I was in shock. All I really knew was that I couldn't feel anything, but everything hurt.

.oOo.

Thirty two hearts. A new record. I placed them in the outside pocket of my duffel bag, wrapped in the handkerchief I still had from Frank.

Somehow how it felt wrong to have them there and all of my other hearts at home. This was the farthest and longest I'd ever gone away from my collection of hearts. It sapped all my energy. It felt as if I were stretched very thin over a jagged landscape.

I wondered how Percy was handling his separation. Or was he separated from them at all? I didn't have the indecency to go searching through his bags to find out. He would have less hearts than me after all. Maybe he was still able to carry them all around.

Percy didn't come back for hours. Minute after minute ticked by while I paced back and forth like an expectant father. Had he fallen? Was he stuck in some ditch too slippery to escape? Was he frozen?

The anxiety was enough to tempt me outside, but I didn't get much farther than the front door. If he came back and I wasn't there, he would try to find me.

To my left was an white icy wasteland. Trees bowed to the earth, broken power lines glued to the beams in ice, heavy icicles so thick and rotund it would take all my body weight to pry them from the eaves. To my right was the ocean. A mass of water churning with darkness and frothing in rage. At least it had stopped raining.

When Percy did come back, he didn't even look at me. Just changed out of his cold stiff clothes and started up the camper stove again. Shivering, he sat hovering over its warmth, shunning me.

I must've asked him at least thirty questions but he wouldn't say anything. Finally, I succumbed to the silence. I let it suffocate me. That darkness I had been brewing all night in my core was vining around my throat.

By evening, I had memorized every line, every word, on my few meager notes I'd brought from home. I had reorganized my stuff and even managed to make the bed into a decent state.

Percy made hot dogs wordlessly and didn't even look at me when he passed the plate over.

I wasn't hungry.

I tried recalling what it had been like for me when I'd first learned of the triangle. A cold numbness? An achy void? I couldn't quite put my finger on it. That reality felt like a lifetime ago.

Is he feeling the same way?

As long as I lay on the bed he would be seated on the floor with his back to me, his shoulders hunched up. I wondered what he would do if I sat next to him. Would he pretend not to notice?

"Percy." My voice was hoarse. It had been so long since I'd tried to even speak.

Percy didn't even shift.

"Percy, talk to me." I tried again. That winding darkness oozed from my chest and formed a giant knot in the pit of my stomach. "Percy?"

The line of sinew and muscle connecting his neck to his shoulders tensed. I scooted forward on the bed to be closer to him. Knowingly pushing the boundaries.

"Percy-"

Jolting, he stood up and grabbed his coat, still wet, off the end of one of the bed posts. A shock of cold air gushed in when he slipped out through the door. I stared at the brass door handle, unsure. Part of me was sinking, desperate. Would he tell Rachel when we got back? Would he try to force me to bond with him?

I yanked my coat out of my pile of things and raced to the door. Anger pulsated through my temples.

How dare he walk away from me? Isn't this what he always did to his mother? Isn't this how he hurt his family?

Percy's problem was that he couldn't confront problems, he ran from them. But if I was one of his problems now, then I'd be damned if I didn't chase after him. If I was one of his problems, he was going to have to deal with it. Deal with me.

I didn't have to go far. He'd settled on one of the ugly green seventy style sofas. All swaddled up in his coat as if he were willing to spend the night there. Upon seeing me, he jumped to his feet and reached for the front door.

"Percy!" I demanded this time, blood boiling. He couldn't run forever. "Percy-whatever-your-middle-name-is-Jackson!"

Just as he was passing through the threshold into the outside world he glanced back at me. An emptiness to his eyes that caught me off guard. "I don't want to yell."

Night had fallen outside. Above, the atmosphere had blossomed into a glory of black and stars. Wind still howled against the sides of the cabin, and whipped froth over the ocean. The salty smell of the water filled my lungs as I thundered forward. The darkness in my chest was about to burst.

"YELL AT ME! SCREAM AT ME!" I cried. Steaming tears poured over my eyes, my vision swam. Why was I the one crying? "BUT DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE ME LIKE MY FATHER!"

Oh. That was why.

Percy paused his flight away. He stood rigid. Tight. His fists were balls crested with white strain by his sides. When he turned to face me, shimmering tracks had already claimed the curve of his cheeks. His jaw was clenched shut.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!" He wailed. Triple the amount of tears glittered in new lines down his face and rolled off to the ice below. "DO YOU EVEN-" his voice cracked. Percy faced the ocean again.

I let him stand there. Shaking. Distraught.

"I THOUGHT I WAS INSANE!" He was yelling at the water instead. Pouring his hurt into it instead of into me. "I THOUGHT I WASN'T WORTH RACHEL BECAUSE OF MY FEELINGS! I THOUGHT I WAS BROKEN! I THOUGHT I WAS A IDIOTIC RESISTOR! I THOUGHT- I…"

Percy crumpled to the ground. Sobbing. He couldn't yell for long, not even at a body of water.

Slipping, I shuffled my way over the ice to him. Dragging myself up beside his bent over form. The moment I lay a hand on his shoulder, Percy lashed out and clawed me into him. Gripping me as if his life depended on me. The heat of his tears found my shoulder.

"Why Annabeth? Why? Why?" he said between sobs, pain stricken. Chanting his question into the collar of my coat. "Why?"

I gripped him tighter. Hating every broken hearted heave of his chest, every hiccup, every drawn out cry that I'd made him do. "I- I-"

I couldn't say.

The tears overwhelmed my eyes, my heart gave a final lurch. Swells of cries burst past my lips too. The only thing I really chose to do was cling to him. Cling to him and cry just as hard as he was crying. Losing sense of time and reality as I gripped him harder and harder. Desperate to feel his warmth, his heartbeat, his breathing. Desperate to hug him in a way that might bring him some comfort.

But we couldn't stay like that forever.

"Look at us," I finally half whimpered, half laughed. "Two messed up idiots, crying on a coast in the cold."

Percy chortled a pained gasp of a laugh over his hiccuping breath. Hugging me closer still. "Definitely a low point."

I hugged him back. Taking in the smell of his soap mixed with sweat, taking in the small amount of warmth he was giving off. My knees and calves burned from the ice below.

"I felt so guilty for loving you," he muttered against the skin of my neck. "So guilty."

I rearranged my arms up and around to cradle his head to me. "I'm sorry Percy. I'm so sorry."

Percy pulled away far enough that I could see his face. His forlorn eyes. "Annabeth, please. Let me choose you."

My heart sank. "I can't do that."

"Why not?! Why do you have to die?"

"Why should Rachel have to die?! Who's to say that you won't fall in love with Rachel one day?" I said thickly. Holding back the next abundance of tears. I needed the strength to convince him of this.

Percy shook his head sullenly. "No. No. You don't understand. Rachel will never be it for me."

"But she's-"

"You're my stars, Annabeth," Percy said quietly, hopelessly. His streaming eyes locked with mine. A crack in his tone as he said it. "You're my stars."

I swallowed. Hating that I knew exactly what that meant. Hating how my heart churned with a dancing lightness at his words.

My tears started again.

"I can't let Rachel die," I cried. Clinging to his coat. "I can't."

"But I can't lose you-!"

"You have to!" I tightened my grip. The wind was rolling through my hair. My lips tasted like salt. "If you let Rachel die I will never forgive you. The sure-fire way to lose me is to kill my best friend."

The more I spoke the more I was breaking him, I was sure of it. Percy was holding my arms with a death grip. "But Annabeth-"

"There's no right answer to this, Percy," I sniffled, shaking my head. "It's just a crappy situation all the way around. If someone has to die, and I'm willing to, then why stop me?"

Percy grimaced. "Because I love you, you moron!"

Ouch. ouch. Ouch. ouch.

I wanted to live. I wanted to stay with him. I wanted to be able to have his words without any consequences.

No.

Dammit, I wanted more than that.
I wanted a home with him. A future. A family. I wanted lazy afternoons. I wanted holidays and summer vacations and slipping away from work to meet each other at lunch hour and valentines days that didn't end in tears, and a big fat wedding with all the trimmings, and arguments over what kinds of pets we should get, and movie nights where I got to play with his hair and smile down at him, and dates that ran far too late because we were making out by the front door. I wanted love notes and stolen kisses and heated arguments started by stupid things and quiet warmth, the kind that only came from sleepy cuddlings, and the stress of picking out furniture for a new space.

I wanted to dream again. I wanted to dream again with Percy because Rachel was right, I'd stopped dreaming when my mother died.

"I… I love you too," I stuttered. Heat rushed to my eyes in a new flush. My throat swelled with burning emotion. I couldn't handle all of this.

"Then stay with me," Percy pleaded. "Let me bond with you."

I could have it. All of it. So simply too. But-

"And condemn me to live the rest of my life with the guilt of Rachel's death?"

Percy didn't have an answer for that. As the crash of waves in the distance filled our silence, he pulled away far enough to cup my face. His eyes roamed over my lips, tears still flowing down his cheeks. I held my breath, trying to keep back the sobs as my own eyes overflowed again.

He didn't kiss me.

Instead, we cried together.

.oOo.

That night we cuddled on the bed, but not for warmth. Percy held me so tightly, I could feel the echo of his heartbeat work throughout his body. I had burped up two more hearts and held them in my palm. When the final streak of cold had been loved from my body, I held up one heart in the darkness of the room.

"Why did it have to be stars?" I sighed. Thinking about Rachel's green smoke hearts.

"Because I'm meant to choose you," Percy said quietly.

I shook my head. "Rachel's your soulmate."

"Rachel's my girlfriend. You are my soulmate."

A million sparkles of energy rippled over my body when he kissed the soft skin of my neck, right beneath my jaw. Then he kissed lower, near my throat. Then under my ear.

"Percy-" I covered his mouth. Tingling and fizzling inside as if I were made of soda. "-Rachel."

Percy gently pulled my hand away and placed a loving kiss into my palm. "I will never love Rachel."

"Percy-"

"Never." There was a finality in his voice I knew I couldn't change. He locked onto me with his deep green eyes, and within his gaze was an immovable force. "She's nice and sweet and clever and spirited but she's not you."

Sighing, I rested my forehead against his. "Why couldn't you have fallen for her? I tried so hard to get you two together."

"Why did it have to be a triangle? I just want you." Percy pursed his lips.

Rachel was still in the back of my mind. If she walked in right now, her heart would break into a million pieces. Emotionally, Percy was already cheating on her. Add in physical affection and he was really cheating on her.

I was the other woman.

But for just one night…

I was going to die. Was it such a sin that I wanted to know what it was like to be held for one night before that time?

I cuddled in closer.

Percy gave me a squeeze and kissed my brow. Sadness was radiating from his eyes, the way he held me, the softness in his touch.

"Percy-"

"Annabeth." He buried his head in my shoulder. "I can't imagine what you've been through these past few months."

"It's okay." I tried to soothe him. But Percy just shook his head.

"It's not okay," he muttered. "It's not. I should've noticed."

"I'm very good at hiding things. Besides, even if you did, I would've written it off-"

"Annabeth." I don't think I'd ever seen him so serious. He pulled away just so he could grip my face between his hands and look deep into my eyes. Search for how I was really feeling. I was enveloped in his greens. "Tell me."

I never wanted him to stop looking at me like that. Because through that one expression I could feel how deeply he loved me. And damn did it feel nice.

"Tell you what?" I said a little speechlessly.

"Everything. What's hurting you, your concerns, your fights."

Let me in. He was saying.

"I'm fine."

"Liar," he murmured.

I took a deep breath. Cozying my head under his chin and finding solace in his warmth. "Okay… I'm not fine. But there isn't much I can do about it"

"Tell me-" he said again. "About everything I haven't seen.

I thought it would be hard to do. Every other time I was down, people would have to squish what was wrong out of me.

Not with Percy.

Once I started I couldn't stop. Not about the various meltdowns I had. The way I missed my mom, how I was absent from school and destroyed my dad's ferrari. Getting drunk alone and the terrible lack of emotion I went through. Percy just kept holding me tighter and tighter until I was pressed into his chest. One of his arms pinning down my back, the other up in my hair so he could hold my head to his body.

I tried not to cry, but with Percy it was easy to let the tears go. It was easy to cherish the way he held me. And how he wiped my tears away with the side of his thumb.

"You're not going to tell Rachel… right?" I asked timidly once I was done. I knew he hadn't made up his mind. Not really. I knew that every instinct and emotion he owned was telling him to save me, kiss me, let Rachel be the one to take the fall.

Percy was caught in a guilty silence.

"You need to let me go," I reminded gently, tracing one of the tendons in his neck. "Rachel doesn't deserve to die."

His hold on me strengthened "You don't deserve to die!"

"I know. But this is something we can't change. I need Rachel Elizabeth Dare to live."

"And I need you," Percy said.

I laughed at him weakly. "That's a cheeseball of a line, Jackson."

"Just because it's cheesy, doesn't mean it's not true."

For a few seconds I just laid against him. Listening to his troubled heart beat pump in his chest.

I wished I never came out on this trip. I wished I went farther before spilling my hearts. I wished he wasn't hurting because of me.

"Just because you need me, would you subject me to Rachel's death?" I asked.

Percy grit his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. No matter what he came up with, I'd have an answer to and he knew it. His own conscience was against him because by arguing against me he was arguing for the death of Rachel, an innocent, instead of me, a willing sacrifice.

I didn't want to press this any farther. Percy already seemed to be in emotional ribbons. Especially after I cried on him.

"Do you want to see something cool?" I asked.

Percy nodded.

Gently, I pulled back his fingers to unveil his little heart pulsing with light.

"May I?" I held my hand out flat.

The moment Percy placed it against the skin of my palm, the light exploded outwards again. Rippling the walls, the ceiling, our forms with the soft aqua blue lines. Waving, refracting, glittering as if we were in an underwater room.

Percy's face flushed and his breathing stalled momentarily. Sighing, he pressed a hand to his chest as if he were trying to keep something in there.

"What do you feel?" I closed my fingers around the cool smoothness of the thing, the light disappeared. Shining coldly between my fingers.

His was like mine. It felt as if it were made of glass.

Percy reached for my pocket in dreamy silence. Asking permission with his eyes. I freed one of my hearts for him and slipped it into his fingers. A twirl of anticipation put pressure in my sternum.

When he made contact with it for the first time my world went awash with warmth and flutters stemming from the deepest part of my chest and winding outwards through my bones. I sucked in a sharp breath despite my tight throat and found myself gripping Percy's arm.

My thoughts were evaporating, my head felt dizzy and light. When I finally cracked open my eyes and reclaimed my breath, Percy was taking me in with an enchanted expression.

The magnetism between us had tripled in a way I couldn't deny. A way I couldn't even fight. I surged forward. Reaching up to bury my hands in his hair and keep his head steady.

Percy's fingers dug into my hips and he pulled me into him. Closing whatever space he could. My heart thundered against my ribs.

Our lips brushed over each other's with a violent fizz of static buzzing through the gap.

Kiss him! KISS HIM! Half of me was screaming. I closed my fists on handfuls of his black untameable hair. Our lips pressed together for a single heart stopping millisecond before my common sense returned.

"Styx." I pulled away. An ache in my heart. "Holding these makes us weird."

I emptied my hands. My insides were still swimming with butterflies and heat that scalded my cheeks.

Percy didn't drop my heart. It lay on his open hand, projecting the night sky onto the ceiling. An entire milky way of stars were above us, but Percy only had eyes for me. I was about to discourage him from holding onto my soulmate heart any longer when he leaned forward. Wrapping his one free hand around my body and keeping me close again.

He kissed the corner of my mouth. Then he kissed between my eyebrows. Then he peppered sweet little kisses down my cheek to my jaw, building a sigh in my throat.

I placed my hands against his chest. "Percy," I warned, but it came out as more of a sigh.

"I love you," he whispered against the edge of my jaw. Gently working his words into my skin.

I clenched his shirt into bunches. Heat glowed off my face. My insides were squirming with delight and fire and hunger for more.

"I love you too."

Percy kissed the top of my neck, below my ear. "I don't want you to die."

I swallowed. "I don't want to die either."

"Then-"

"But I don't want Rachel to die even more."

A grim expression came over Percy. "You really love her, huh?"

I plucked up his aqua blue soulmate heart from between the sheets and held it out to him. "She's my best friend."

Sighing, Percy closed my hand over the heart. A light blush sprinkled over his face.

"Keep it."

.oOo.

The next afternoon, enough ice had melted for us to pack up the cars and get ready to head home.

I didn't know what came next.

Obviously, Percy and I couldn't be around each other. We'd already almost slipped up so many times, it was unsafe. Rachel's life depended on our control.

Sounds dumb, I know, but we weren't just a pair of lovebirds unable to keep a safe six foot distance from eachother. We were affected by soulmate magic, and that shit is hard to fight through.

Literally under a spell here.

Well not spell, but magic.

Unfortunately, I don't think Percy shared my view of things. He hadn't said he'd let me go yet. He was struggling to keep a front around me. The oh so familiar 'I'm fine' mask we all put on. He had to work through some things on his own, and honestly I understood. Sometimes you just need space.

On the afternoon we were leaving, Percy called me from outside. I had the last of my stuff in my backpack except I couldn't find-

"My history notes?" I cocked my head at him.

Why was he holding them?

A bitter and deep smell of smoke rose to my nose, and I dropped my backpack to the ground. Behind Percy, a fire raged inside a tin garbage can. I raced forward to smother it in snow but Percy caught me by the wrist.

Stoically, he held out the pile of notes to me. "Catharsis."

He wanted me to burn them. To move on.

Yeah. I did need to move on.

Lightly, I plucked the pile from him and shed one page at a time into the flickering dance of light. Watching the pages shrivel up with black and corrode away to dust. The red marks on tests disappeared, my mistakes were eradicated.

When every page had met its fate, Percy and I stood and watched the flames die.

Then we got in our cars, and drove our separate ways.

.oOo.

"I still can't believe you guys didn't tear each other apart. Ugh, I'm so relieved," Rachel rambled off at me on Monday morning. It was too early, I thought. I didn't want to talk about the weekend I had at eight in the morning, in a school crammed full of similarly grumpy students. I just wanted to get to my locker, get my stuff and lose myself in today's classes.

"I'm surprised you didn't try braving the roads just to get away," Grover teased, clicking along on his crutches.

"Oh, I was tempted," I promised.

Percy's soulmate heart felt heavy in my pocket. I was suppressing the urge to reach in and grab it. Grover would definitely notice.

"Well, at least you had what you normally eat. Ramen and hotdogs." Rachel shrugged.

"And chips," I added.

"And chips."

"Man, you need a diet makeover," Grover laughed. "If my mom caught me eating like that while she was away, she'd make me eat nothing but quinoa and brown rice and organic chicken salads for a week."

"Yeah, luckily I'm… I'm.." I almost stopped in my tracks as I neared my locker. Leaning right next to it was Piper Mclean and her gang of friends. Percy included. By the way she had her arms crossed over her binders and the patient air she held as she scanned the halls I could tell she was waiting for me.

Bless Piper Mclean for being a good friend, but also curse her for being so dang curious. She must've found out that I just had an impromptu weekend with Percy, and she probably wanted the details.

"Luckily you're what?" Grover prodded gently.

"Uh… uh… nothing," I covered smoothly.
Percy looked drained. Empty. Like any mischievous energy he owned had been sucked out of him entirely. With his head down and his eyes trained on the floor, he stood at the back of his group, silent.

Upon seeing the crowd I had to wade through, Grover stalled and glanced at Rachel with a slight panic. "I'll uh… I'll see you guys in class, okay?"

Rachel grabbed his arm. "I'll carry your books."

And there went my buffer. Rachel and Grover passed by my locker. Rachel blew Percy a kiss as she went but he seemed too forgone to catch it. I had to face the pack alone.

"Annabeth!" Piper greeted cheerily.

I kept my head down and started twisting the knob on my locker. Giving her a pert and short nod to try and keep things simple.

"We wanted to know if you wanted to come to lunch with us," Hazel offered sweetly. "Piper's buying."

"All of you?" I shuffled through my textbooks.

"Nah, just Hazel and I." Piper rested her head against the cold metal of her locker to give me a searching look. She knew something was up. "So you wanna come?"

I gripped my fist. "To talk about this weekend, right?"

A silence baked my friends into stiff figures. From the corner of my eye, I caught Jason and Frank exchanging panicked glances before peeking back at Percy. Percy's face had paled.

With a heavy sigh, I turned to face them all. "You can stop tiptoeing around each other. You all know now. The secret is out. I'm going to die. Love triangle. La-dee-da."

Pity. I hated to see it in their eyes, but there was no denying that's how they felt. However this time, their gazes weren't directed at me. Percy was the main focus of attention.

Leo broke that by putting up his hand. "Technically I didn't know."

Well damn me then. How could I oversee that?

I shot him a finger gun. "Right…. Well now you're bound to secrecy."

"It's cool. I pieced it together in like September, when the Stolls stole your water bottle." Leo shrugged.

And he was in my house unsupervised. I remembered that one sundae study session we had where Valdez scampered off to explore my mansion, probably my room. Probably to confirm his theory.

"You all knew?" Percy said lowly. Not quite angry, but still tense. Emotion heavy. "Everyone here knew except me?!"

Everyone returned their quiet gazes to him, wishing they knew what to say. When he tried to meet their eyes individually, they all found interest in the floor. I was the only one who would look at him head on.

"You have smart friends," I supplied easily. "Either they knew where to look or already had freaky soulmate perceiving powers."

"But they knew," he said.

"And I wouldn't let them tell you."

A surge of accusations, questions, despairities came to Percy's eyes. He didn't voice them. Instead, he backed away. Slowly at first as if he were still deciding on whether he should leave. Then he turned and started storming down the hall. By the time he turned the corner he was running.

My heart thudded in my chest with that familiar heavy ache. I didn't like to see that hurt in his eyes. That was exactly why I didn't tell him. I wanted to protect him from all of this.

For a moment we all stood there in silence. The halls were painfully obvious. The bell chimed over the speakers announcing the beginning of class.

Just when I thought no one would move, Jason peeled away from the group, going after Percy. Frank followed. Then Leo.

Swallowing, I reached for my books but Piper stopped me with a steady hand.

"Go!"

And I did.

I ran.

Out of the school and into the cool morning air. Gasping trails of vapor as my legs worked against the ground.

Percy was in the park a few blocks down from the school. Don't ask me how I know, I can't explain it. Maybe it's more freaky soulmate magic at work.

Over the slush of snow he'd left his footprints pocketed with water. Jason, Leo's and Franks followed all the way down to the bank of the little stream. Just as I was nearing the bank, cresting the hill, I lost my nerve. I swerved left and scooted down to hide behind a weeping willow trunk. Its dead spindles swayed stiffly in the breeze.

"But are you okay?" I could hear Jason ask a few feet away. I didn't dare peep out at them. Getting caught would be humiliating.

If Percy responded, I couldn't hear him. The stream had started to awaken from the locks of winter and trickled with water beneath a thin layer of ice. It gurgled slightly, making it difficult for me to listen in.

"Talk to us Percy," Frank said kindly. "This must be really hard for you."

I held my breath, waiting for some condemning words. Surely he would talk about how terrible I was now that things were finally sinking in for him. But he didn't say a word.

"You're angry," Leo said quietly.

"I'm furious." Percy seethed.

I couldn't help it. I glanced around the girth of the trunk. A few feet away, Percy was seated in the snow with his head in his hands. His three friends were circled around him anxiously.

"At Annabeth?" Leo asked. I swore he nodded his head in my direction.

Percy shook his head dejectedly. A grit in his jaw making his face all the sharper. He dragged a hand down his sallow expression.

"At Rachel?" Jason prodded quietly.

"I don't know," Percy mourned. "I don't know. I'm just mad."

Quietly they shifted in place. Not really knowing what to do next. Gesturing at each other to say something while Percy buried his face deeper into his hands.

Boys, am I right? Talking about emotions is not their forte. I guess they got points for trying.

"You're mad at the world," Frank said, barely above a whisper. I had to strain to hear him.

"Maybe," Percy conceded, his expression darkening. "Or maybe I am angry at Rachel and Annabeth. Maybe she should've told me in the first place. Maybe-augh. Nevermind."

With a heavy sigh, Frank plopped down next to Percy and patted him on the shoulder. "She was trying to save you."
Percy laughed mirthlessly. "From what?! From choosing her? From actually having a good idea about what the heck is going on around me?!"

Frank's face grew grim. "From the guilt."

I didn't tell him that. Frank Zhang was just perceptive that way. Again, he was bang on. I truly didn't want Percy to live the rest of his life thinking about how he was related to my death.

Tightening my jaw, I hugged the tree closer. A fresh heat behind my eyes and a melancholy yank in my chest.

Percy was shaking his head again. He got up to pace at the water's edge. "I should never have gotten in her car."

"In September, right?" Leo Valdez was creepy with how quickly he put things together. "You two stayed out late doing something that kickstarted all of this… what was it?"

Pressure pursed Percy's lips together as the other three stared at him expectantly. They didn't know about Gabe. They probably didn't even know about his problems with his family back in the fall.

"Something personal." Percy swallowed. "And illegal."

Jason cocked an eyebrow. "Annabeth Chase, Miss debate team star, did something illegal with you?"

Percy waved them all off. "It was her idea. Her whole plan really. I had no idea what we were doing until we were there and she was just holding this bat out to me. This unmovable look in her eyes that I couldn't just… augh!"

Aggravated, Percy picked up a stick and whipped it out across the ice. It skittered across the white and banged against the opposite shore. He paced again.

"One minute she was just this teacher's pet, right? Then the next she was a car vandal, a support to my mom in so many ways, this nutjob who would climb elevator cables for her friend, a super secret keeper even though she didn't owe me anything. Not to mention she was willing to literally get in a fist fight with the Stolls because they were being morons and would talk to me no matter what even though she's going to die because of me. Or she is dying. I don't know. I don't know. I can't be mad at her. When she… burped up all those hearts and had blood dripping off her face… I couldn't think. I couldn't even move properly. But I still left her there. I left, even though she was bleeding because of me. Then after that I ignored her! How stupid- I was just… stupid. I am stupid. I can't be mad at her. Not after all that."

Percy sunk to the ground in a squat. Rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands as if he were trying to clear away bad thoughts.

Leo shrugged. "Sounds like love to me."

Frank edged forward to Percy. "You can still be mad at her."

"No. No I can't."

My heart twisted a little. Yes you can, you idiot. I kept things from you. I snaked my hand into my pocket and squeezed his heart gently.

From his spot on the bank, a blush rose in Percy's cheeks and he pressed his fist to his chest. A distance came into his eyes.

"Grief is grief," Frank said. "You can't tell yourself how to feel."

"She had your best intentions in mind," Jason reminded. "But that doesn't mean it was really what was best for you."

Wanna fight Grace? I snorted quietly to myself. I gripped Percy's heart tighter. The longer I held it, the more Percy appeared to unwind.

Leo offered a hand to help Percy up. "Now wanna ditch school and go do laser tag or something?"

Percy stared at his hand for a minute. Then he pushed himself off the ground and stalked in my direction. I fell back behind the tree, praying that he didn't see me.

"I'm going for a walk," Percy croaked.

Thank the heavens he was too focused on the water to notice me as he slipped by.

Don't look back, please don't look back.

His shoulders were hunched up, his fists were tight and balled at his sides. He looked uncomfortable and lost. I gripped his heart tighter.

"He needs some time." I heard Frank mutter from behind the tree.

Just before he disappeared over the field, I saw Percy slip his hand into his pocket.

A symphony of warm flutters danced in my insides.

I could hear the others scramble up the slippery bank. The slosh of wet snow under their boots. I listened to their footsteps creep away until all I could hear was the stream running under the sheet of ice. Still holding onto Percy's heart and wondering if I should chase after him.

"Mind some company-?"

"JEEBIES FRANK!" I startled backwards so far I nearly slipped and landed on my ass.

For a guy so big how did he move so quietly?!

Apologetically, Frank rubbed the back of his neck. "Leo said you were behind the tree."

"Dammit. I knew he saw me."

"Actually… I think he just figured out you'd follow and not intervene. I hate to admit it, but he is actually really smart."

Sighing, I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. "Figures."

Shifting, Frank turned away from me. The kind of move that was solemn yet solid. I already knew he was going to ask-

"Are you okay?"

I hadn't known Frank for very long but I could already pin down what his body language meant. How he kept his distance and averted his gaze when talking about serious things. A move that was meant to be comforting given his intimidating size and liquid black eyes.

"Yeah… I'm good. Percy on the other hand-"

"No. Are you okay?" This time he glanced at me. Focused yet soft. Like he was trying to determine what kind of hug would help me the most. "You… made plans and now they're falling apart. It must be frustrating. You sounded frustrated at least… by the lockers."

Was I?

I guess I was too frazzled to sort out my own feelings. Making a face at the ground I took a moment to self reflect. To reach inside and try and identify the squirming mass of emotions.

And yep, frustration was definitely in the pile. But also sadness. Hopelessness. I hadn't admitted to myself just how badly I didn't want Percy to find out. The fact that he knew made me ache with guilt. It felt like I betrayed him somehow.

Once I'd labeled my feelings, their presence suddenly became hard to ignore. Almost overwhelmingly so. Sighing, I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Look, Frank, it's sweet of you to ask but I don't really think what a dying girl feels matters. It's like smoke. Bad air that will clear soon enough."

Frank's expression softened. "Would you say that to me if I were going to die?"

"What?"

"If I were dying, would you tell me my feelings didn't matter?"

I blinked. "Well no. Obviously."

"Then why is it different for you?" Then he had the audacity to pin me with his caring eyes as if I needed another reminder of the people I was hurting by dying.

Exhaling slowly through my nose, I turned away. A cramp in my chest, thickening my breathing. "I don't know. It just is."

"But why?"

"I don't know! I'm more of a burden maybe. I've… I've made too many mistakes to matter anymore."

Frank took a timid step towards me. The crunch of snow under his boots made me jolt. "If I made too many mistakes would you tell me I don't matter?"

"Stop it!" I reeled around at him. A flare in my throat.

"Stop what?" he asked evenly. I hated how he could talk so gently, so calmly, so kindly without a ripple of hurt or judgment. I hated how he was making so much sense.

"Just let me be miserable and die. Okay?" I scoffed at him. "You don't need to tell me I sound ridiculous. I know I sound ridiculous!"

"But?"

There was a chilly wind. A faint clatter through the bare trees. On such a grey day it was hard to hold onto the fire of anger. Plus Frank was like an emotional stabilizer. I let it all go, unwinding my shoulders.

"But I'm just constantly full of these negative bitter emotions right now. I'm like a furnace with no vents. I don't know what to think and I don't know what to do, okay? My brain is a befuddled angry place where I can't control how I feel about myself, or my situation, or my tiny future. So don't try and fix me. I can't be fixed."

Frank chortled lightly. "I don't even know what fixing someone means… I just… I want to make you feel a bit better. Even if it's the tiniest scrap better."

Then, semi awkwardly, he held open his arms. An offer. A comfort. I eyed him cynically before he gave a small smile and broke my resolve.

Hugging him was like being sheltered by a mountain. It was safe. Wholesome. For some reason the thought at the forefront of my mind was that I was more to Frank than 'the girl in the love triangle'. I felt like he saw me a bit clearer than the others. He didn't let my situation impact the way he saw me if that makes any sense. It made my eyes burn with tears.

At some point Frank sneakily put his jacket over my shoulders so that when I pulled away it covered my back like a cape. As I tried to take it off, he gave a stern look that stopped me in my tracks.

Then he cleared his throat. "I used to get bullied pretty bad."

"Pffft. Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I wiped at my eyes to stop any tears from falling.

"No." Frank said. "You just shared some of your life so I thought it was my turn. Isn't that how friendships normally roll?"

"My friendships usually gallop or waddle so you'll have to pick one of those."

Smiling, Frank bumped me. "I'm more of a waddler then, I guess."
"Eh, I'll upgrade you to 'lumbering'. You suit it. It's a shame you never signed up for football. You could've made an opposing team crap themselves."

"All looks here. No substance. I couldn't stand my ground even if a bunny charged me."

"Seriously?"

"Oh absolutely. Why do you think I was easily bullied as a kid? I was a total pushover. Still am, really."

"I believe it." I laughed. "I think Percy mentioned that." And then my thoughts swarmed again. And my eyes reached for where he'd last disappeared. "I hope he's okay."

Subconsciously, I reached for his heart in my pocket again.

"Percy lived on the same street as me when we were kids. Did he tell you that? I lived two doors down from him. And he was the only kid in the entire neighborhood who would play with the tubby asian."

I balked. "Did he… did you know about-?"
"His stepdad?" Frank shook his head. "I was one dense chunk of stupid, let me tell you. I believed him when he said he just fell down the stairs a lot."

"Oh."

Would it have been easier for Percy if someone had known? If he could've vented to someone close to him? I'd always had Rachel, but who did Percy really have? It made me shudder thinking about the way I'd originally treated him. Monster.

"I think my Grandpa knew." Frank said quietly. "I think my Grandpa was the one who eventually called the cops when he knew the evidence was undeniable. He used to take Percy and I out for ice-cream when we were having bad days. He wouldn't ask us either, he'd just grab his keys off the hook by the front door and tell us we were going for a ride. It was nice"

"Sounds nice." I added a bit hollowly. "Sounds like he was a good guy."

"The best." Frank agreed.

For a few seconds we listened to the gurgle of the water running beneath the ice. It was only getting colder as the clouds above grew denser. It was either going to rain again or snow.

"First period is almost over," Frank said. "Second period is just gym and then it's lunch hour anyways. You wanna go get ice cream? I know a place."

But school. Your marks. Your studies.

I sighed. "Sure."

.oOo.

For the rest of the week Percy was as persistent to talk to me as I was to avoid him. I'm ashamed to admit that I used Rachel as a shield most of the time.

It was a win-win situation for me. Percy couldn't corner me into talking about the love triangle and I got some quality time with my best friend. Right?

But there was this voice in the back of my brain. Nibbling at my conscience, pulling at my heart, yanking me down and keeping me awake.

Talk to him. It was the mature thing to do, I knew it was but I couldn't bear to do it. Percy deserved for me to listen to him, to explain things to him, to just be there with him. No matter what he said, he deserved for me to be there.

Even though he would try and convince me not to do it.

No, I don't need to listen to him if he won't listen to me.

But he's just hurting.

He wants Rachel to die.

He doesn't want anyone to die. He just doesn't want me to die.

Which means he wants Rachel to die.

Groaning, I covered my face with my pillow. Would it be too much to ask for Percy to be 100% on my side the whole entire time? Why couldn't he just support my decision of early death?!

Boys.

But if I were in his shoes, I'd be just as ready to let someone else die in his place.

I sat up in my bed. Blaming my large room for my big thoughts and sleepless state. My little futon was on the floor next to the padlocked chest of hearts. Grover was snoring away on an air mattress, his mouth lolled open and his butt in the air. Rachel was curled up on my canopied bed, muttering things in her sleep. I was tempted to drag my mattress back into the closet and spend the rest of the night there, but Grover was already suspicious of me. I needed to convince him that I was fine. I could sleep in that big room like a big girl. I was totally fine.

But am I? My head was already swimming. Things weren't going to plan. In fact, my entire plan had essentially disintegrated. Six people knew of the love triangle, which was six more than I had intended to tell. My dad still didn't have a clue, even though he was a doctor and I apparently looked like shit, not to mention I hadn't even begun to think about Percy and how I was going to properly deal with him after all of this. Could I just push him away? Banish him from seeing me? My heart hurt at the thought, but it seemed like my only option.

I sighed and rolled over. The digital clock on the nightstand was green with big block numbers.

3:35 a.m

I couldn't stay in there with my spiraling head. Silently, I grabbed my laptop from my room and slipped into the hallway. Tip toeing over the cool hardwood, all the way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Checking the crack under my fathers door just to make sure he'd truly gone to bed.

As I sat down at the counter, my first instinct was to call Percy ironically enough. Or maybe just reply to one of his many messages. I could rely on the fact that he would respond right away. He'd wake up for me. But again; I wasn't ready for a conversation with him. I guess I was still rattled that he knew, and I couldn't bring myself to argue with him over something that I had already come to terms with.

So instead, I did the impossible.

I found Helen Greenly's social media page and clicked the call button.

This time, I didn't panic and slam the laptop down or jam the end call button. I sat perfectly still, my head filling with the sound of the even tone ring. Holding my breath so tightly in my chest that I had to grit my teeth. Feeling exposed in the empty darkness that filled my kitchen.

Helen's face clicked on the screen. Confused, with a cautious knit in her brow and a twist in her lips as if she expected a prank or another dial and ditch. She was done up in her crisp grey lawyer suit and had a fresh dab of lipstick on.

Mentally I slapped myself because it was eight thirty in the morning in Britain. I was probably interrupting the very beginning of her work day.

"Hi," I wheezed.

"... Hi?" She was glancing all over the screen. Looking for the trick, the drawback. I was a different person from when she was a part of my life, but she didn't know that. Potentially, I was just calling her to make her life miserable again.

"I'm sorry," I was scrambling. Where were all those poetic words I had thought of before? Where were the deep personal apologies that I had conjured? All I could feel was the shame.

Helen's pursed lips deepened. "... You're what?"

She didn't believe me or she didn't care? Maybe I was beyond forgiving, maybe I was so horrible-

Oh wait. She was caught off guard by how I looked. Examining the little box in the corner I could see my own video feed. With my dark eye circles, sallow pale skin and tangled bed head hair I looked like a corpse. Helen probably didn't expect her deranged ex-step-daughter to call her first thing in the morning looking like she was ready for a shift in a horror house.

I rubbed my forehead to momentarily hide behind my hand. "Look… I wasn't the greatest step daughter. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry for… well, everything."

Helen blinked. For a minute I was sure that she was going to strangle me with her silence.

"Isn't it the middle of the night where you are?" She tilted her head slightly.

I gasped an awkward breathy laugh while simultaneously cursing myself for not thinking this through. "Not too late. Well yes. More early really. Like three forty in the morning? It doesn't matter. My sleep schedule was trash anyways. I'm not… its… It's fine."

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

Helen's eyes softened. She straightened her office chair and leaned in softly. Even though she was four thousand miles away it felt as if she were right in front of me, reading my every expression.

"Annabeth," she said it so gently, so warmly, so motherly. "What's wrong?"

And then I was seven again. Hiding in my closet to get away from that look, that voice. Throwing shoes at her when she tried to get close because I didn't want the fake mother, I wanted the real one. I didn't want the replacement. I just wanted my mom.

Not realizing at the time that I was pushing away the whole deal. By rejecting who could've become the closest thing to my mom, I was rejecting being mothered. And even if I wasn't willing to admit it back then, I could admit it now.

I needed a mom.

Sucking in a quiet breath I pulled away from my screen and stared into the darkness. Crushing back the scorching rush behind my eyes before Helen could see it.

"How are the twins?" I covered tensely. My voice was dangerously close to cracking. "Bobby and Matthew?"

Helen's expression didn't change. Graciously, she let her question slide and smiled fondly to herself.

"Little devils," she said with a twinkle in her gaze. "They've managed to make two teachers quit and were working on a third before I threatened to send them to separate schools."

"They're eleven now, right?"

She laughed softly. "Eleven and quicker than jack rabbits. It was easier to stop their mayhem when they weren't quite so fast. Or maybe I'm just getting old."

A gave an uncomfortable chortle that quickly died into silence. Fidgeting with my hair, I watched as Helen's eyes darted over the screen again. Examining me.

Talk about something! The weather! Bicycles! Bunnies! The air velocity of an unladen african or european swallow!

"They ask about you sometimes," Helen broke the awkwardness. "They… well I think they miss you. But they would never tell me that. They're in that phase where talking to their mother is uncool."

Would they think talking to their dad was uncool too?

I froze. A new flood of thoughts hit me, filling me with realizations I never had the insight to see before.

By tearing my family apart, I deprived my two little brothers of a father. I stole part of their lives. I very well might have ruined their childhood. Because of me, they didn't have their dad.

"Helen." A tear I couldn't stop raced down my cheek. "I'm so so sorry."

Finally the words felt genuine. Even though I was fighting to keep my voice from quivering and my eyes swam, what I wanted to say was finally coming out.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I didn't know what I was doing back then, I promise. It was never my intention to force you to leave. I was… dumb. I couldn't see the big picture back then and I couldn't see the consequences of my actions. Yes, I did try and hurt you. All the time. But I guess that's because I never thought you'd go. I-"

"Annabeth Chase! I reject the idea that you think it was all your fault." Helen reached forward to grip the screen. A stern twist in her face.

I was crying. My cheeks were soaked, the collar of my night shirt was damp. My nose was running like a leaky faucet. "But you left because of me… right?"

Helen sat back in her office chair. Shaking her head as if she couldn't believe any of this. "Partially."

"Partially? No. What other reason could you have-"

"Oh honey, no." That look had returned to her eyes. That tone. "You were a terror, I'll give you that but it was nothing I couldn't handle. It was mostly your father. Almost entirely actually."

A shock set my spine straight. I wiped away my tears. "Dad? What did he do?!"

"It's more like what he wouldn't do."

Cautiously, I glanced around my kitchen as if my Dad could've been standing in one of the shadows, listening in. Questions, too many questions were in my mind. I couldn't say them all.

"I don't understand." I pulled my hair back. "What was he supposed to do?"

Helen's lips pursed in a hard straight line for a moment. She gripped her hands on the surface of her mahogany desk. "Take care of you."

My brain was spiraling again. "But-"

"Dear, your father is what they call a 'man's man'. He was raised with the idea that emotion is equal to weakness and a family's problems should be kept within the family. I tried breaching the subject of therapy for you hundreds of times but he always brushed it aside. He assumed you would simply snap out of it."

I thought of the years of silence from him. For most of it I guessed that perhaps he just didn't want to talk to me, that I was a burden.

But what if the reality was that he couldn't talk to me? That he couldn't handle the emotions he had because he never learned to express them. What if he was a product of a time that I couldn't fully understand?

No. That's wrong. It's not true. He hates me.

Helen looked to her lap. "I… I really left for selfish reasons. I didn't want my boys growing up in a place where they couldn't express themselves. I did love your father, Annabeth. Very much. But I loved my boys more and I couldn't stand the idea of them being trapped in their own minds like he was. I wanted to take you with me, honestly I did, but it would've been an enormous legal battle just to get you out of the country with me. So I… I abandoned you really. I should be the one apologizing to you… I'm sorry Annabeth."

It wasn't my fault? No it was. It had to be. The things I did, the things I said. I couldn't have just partially been the reason. She was lying. I was the reason she left. I pushed her and Bobby and Matthew away. I ruined everything. I made my Dad miserable. I made him ignore me. I did all of this to myself.

It was my fault.

It still was my fault.

Why was she lying? Was she trying to protect me? Was she still trying to mother me?

My mind was flooded. My hands were shaking. I couldn't breathe.

"Annabeth?"

"I'll call you back." I shut the laptop. The light died.

I was alone in the dark kitchen.

It is my fault. It is. It is my fault. It's all my fault.

I broke up a marriage.

I destroyed two little boys' childhoods.

I hurt what friends I had. I was selfishly exploiting the ones I'd made after knowing I was doomed. Piper and Hazel, what did those sweet crazy girls do to deserve having a time bomb like me for a friend? Why couldn't I be strong and stay away? Keep them safe from the hurt that would follow my death. Selfish.

I gripped the counter.

And Frank. I chose to tell him. I vented at him. I emotionally relieved myself on him. Because I was selfish. Even while he was still in mourning for his mom. Because I didn't think of others. Because all I did was lash out and cause pain. I couldn't touch the world without leaving a wound.

And Percy, oh styx Percy. I seduced him. Rachel was his perfect other. Rachel wouldn't hurt him, I would. He deserved Rachel, she deserved him. I didn't deserve either of them.

I deserved to die. I deserved it.

Selfish.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. Everything looked darker, sharper, farther out of reach. My head was spinning, spinning, spinning. I couldn't breathe.

BREATHE!

I couldn't.

I couldn't fix things. I couldn't save things.

"Annabeth!"

Rachel?

She was there. Grover was next to her, crutches in hand. I could register their worried faces, their hands reaching out to me. I scrambled off my stool and stumbled back. I wasn't worth their sympathy. Hot tears were still pouring over my eyes. They couldn't see me like this. How long had I been raggedly sobbing? How loud had I really been?

"Annabeth!" Rachel caught me by the arm and held on tight. "Annabeth, what's wrong? What happened?"

"She's lying!" I sobbed. Still trying to pull away, but Rachel held on tight. She was always the one who never let me leave. She never let me go. Even back then.

"Who's lying?"

"I tore them apart! I- I ruined my family! I HURT my brothers in -in a way they'll never-ver recover! She's LYING! I did this. It was me. It was my fault."

Rachel's hands came around my face and held me still. She wouldn't let me look away. "What color are my eyes?"

"But she-"

"Annabeth. What colour are my eyes?"

I took in a deep shuddering breath. "Gre-green?"

"What texture is the tile of the floor?" She tucked some of my hair behind my ear. Talking evenly, quietly,

"Smooth?"

"What does it smell like in here?"

"Popcorn."

We made popcorn in the microwave before we watched the movie. The scent still lingered because Grover spilled some of the oil in the bag into the microwave and almost started a fire.

Rachel slipped her arms down and around my torso. She hugged me close. Not her classic rib cracking hug but a gentle embrace to let me have room to breathe. I could smell her peach soap and my cheeks tickled with her curly red hair.

"Are you back?" she asked into my shoulder.

I nodded. Pulling my hands up to hug her too.

"Now tell me what happened."

I did. Barely. I imagine you know what it's like to try and tell someone something as you're sobbing your lungs out. Being frustrated at the thickness in your throat and the ache in your chest that pulls down every word you manage to hiccup out. At some point my weak legs crumpled beneath me, and Rachel and I slipped to the floor. She was still holding me tight as I mourned my woes into her fast dampening shoulder. Grover sat cross legged right next to me, patting me on the shoulder when I was crying too hard to talk.

"Why do you hold onto this guilt?" Rachel whispered when I was finally done. "Why?"

I didn't have an answer for her. I didn't have an answer for my tears or my feelings or the way I was acting. But isn't that what makes us human? Isn't that what poets and writers and artists try to define every day of their lives? The unexplainable emotions that claim us. The traumas that tame us. The illogical actions we can't really control all because once upon a time a little girl stood by a window waiting for her mom to come home. But she never did.

I guess I convinced myself that I was healed just so I could face each day. But that's not the truth of it, is it? Grief isn't something you can tie in a nice little purse. It can't be boxed or netted or caged. It is freer than wind, louder than sound, and as liquid as darkness. It comes in waves, and the only way to truly deal with it is to learn how to surf.

"It's not your fault," Rachel murmured. "It's not your fault."

I gripped onto her. Fighting all those vicious voices that were saying she was wrong. Fighting to keep my own lies from coming back to claim me. But maybe they lived inside of me and were only warded off by Rachel's presence.

It's not my fault. I echoed in my head. It's not my fault.

I didn't know if I believed her. I didn't know if I was really going to be okay. So instead, I just clung to her and cried. Cried and cried and cried until I had nothing left to cry.

And in her typical Rachel fashion, she never left my side. Not once.

.oOo.

The next night, I had to call back Helen and say I was sorry for hanging up. It was an awkward explanation at first, mostly because I didn't really know what I was explaining. Maybe it was on account of me being emotionally raw, or maybe I just needed to vent a little more because I ended up telling Helen about the love triangle, about how I was dying. I wanted to know what I could get the boys as gifts before I died.

She was shocked into almost silence after that. When the conversation got so thin I felt like jabbing myself with a needle, I said goodbye and hung up.

On Monday morning, Rachel grabbed my face again before I could make it to my locker.

"It's not your fault."

"I know."

"No you don't. So I'm going to keep saying it until you do know." She pinched my cheeks slightly. "I'm going to keep saying it and keep saying it until you dream for yourself and get excited for yourself, and live for yourself. Got it?"

I nodded.

"And I'm going to sit next to you and be huggable," Grover added. "Because I have no idea what needs to be said when it should be said."

It feels good when your friends have your back. It makes you feel safe. Rachel crushed me in a straight jacket worthy hug a moment later.

"Oxygen!"

In biology class I couldn't keep my eyes open and as a result was sentenced to detention. Grover, bless his heart, stood up to defend my honor and was also sentenced to detention. So it wasn't exactly a stellar day.

Percy tried to nab me at lunch but I managed to get away and Piper and Hazel tried to claim me for a 'discussion about my emotional welfare' but Rachel put an end to their offer by literally not allowing me to leave her side. (She clung to me like a baby koala).

I thought I was going to begin a new week without any more incidents but then detention rolled around.

Upon entering the designated classroom, I found Percy Jackson sitting at one of the desks with his head buried in his folded arms. Sunlight spilled over the room and slanted across his slumped form, putting a shine in his messy bedhead of hair.

Tip-toeing across the floor, I found a desk in the same aisle as his but on the opposite end of the classroom and sunk into it. Watching him for any movements.

I lay my head down on the cool surface, facing him.

"Hey," Percy mumbled. Defeated. He swiveled his head still nestled in his arms so he could meet my eyes.

I blinked. "How did you know it was me?"

"I recognized your footsteps."

"That's… kind of creepy."

Percy gave a strained smile. "Is it?"

"A bit, yeah."

"Is it also creepy that I know you're sad right now?"

I clenched my fists. "How do you-"

"I don't know," he said quietly. Like he was scared to know the answer himself.

I thought back to the night Percy stormed out of his house. How I chased after him in the snow. How I could see all the inner workings behind his eyes and peel away the fake to reveal the real struggle he was fighting with.

Rachel's my girlfriend. You are my soulmate.

I grit my teeth. It wasn't true.

Percy was still gazing at me. Searching me for an answer to a question he wouldn't voice.

"Remember when I told you that I worked to heal from my mothers death?" I broke.

Percy nodded.

"Well I lied… or at least I lied to myself. I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know how to feel or what I'm feeling or how to deal with it or-" My voice cracked. I buried my face in my arms.

Don't cry. Please don't cry. Not again. Not now. It's okay. Don't cry.

Something hit me in the head. Confused, I sat up and a packet of fuzzy peaches gummies fell into my hands. Percy was still staring at me, a deep melancholy sadness in his eyes.

"I'd hug you if you'd let me," he said, still across the room.

"You have a girlfriend," I reminded.

"Hence why you won't let me."

"Hence why I shouldn't let you."

Percy sulked into his arms again. Absentmindedly drawing circles on the desk with his finger. The detention teacher was late, I could slip out if I wanted to.

"How are you feeling?" I asked instead. "Y'know, about all of this… triangle stuff."

Percy sputtered a long sigh. "Like everything in the world is meaningless and there's really no point in doing anything if life is so fragile to begin with."

I peeled open the pack of gummies and tossed one to Percy. "That's an acutely honest answer."

"Like I said, you're just easy to talk to. You're easy to be with." Percy said, despondently.

A flutter of warmth rolled down my chest. A heart was in my gut but I held it back.

Before I could say anything in return, a new rush of people came into the room. Paul Blofis, the teacher on detention duty, Grover with his tentative smile, and the sneering Stoll boys.

"This is going to be a long hour," Grover muttered as he claimed the desk next to mine. Every few seconds he would eye the other students trapped in the room with us.

"We'll be out of here in no time." I assured him.

Well, we weren't the first ones to leave. Fifteen minutes in, Mr. Blofis's cellphone started to go off and he gave me that familiar apologetic look.

I was in charge.

The moment the door clicked shut a scrunched up ball of paper smacked into the back of my head. Irritated, I shot a look of disdain over my shoulder but I wasn't ready for the pure wrath on Travis and Connor's faces.

"Remember that party we went to Connor?" Travis asked without so much as glancing at his brother.

"Yeah."

"Remember how a certain someone gave me a concussion for no reason?"

"Definitely."

Grover's breathing got labored next to me. He could sense malice seeping off the two idiots. I grabbed his forearm and gave him a reassuring look.

"Knock it off you twerps." Percy didn't even look back. "You two deserved it and you know it."

"Man Percy, I didn't expect you to be the one to have a side bitch," Connor scoffed.

Percy screeched his chair back and jumped to his feet. A flame already lit in his eyes. Greek fire green before I could even add a word in edgewise. I managed to grab his bicep just before he could throw a punch at one of the Stolls.

"You take that back," he hissed. Regaining his senses.

"Jackson," I warned. "They're rooting for a fight."

"Yeah Jackson," Travis mocked. "Your little whore is on to something, and it's not you."

A devastating crack whipped over the room as Percy's fist connected with Travis's jaw. The boy whipped backwards in his chair from the impact. Connor was on his feet two seconds later and made a violent kick in Percy's direction. I tugged him out of the way just in time.

"Happy now?" I pulled him farther back. Connor was already advancing, Travis was quickly recovering.

"I'm sorry but-"
"Whatever. You take Connor, I take Travis. Make sure Grover isn't caught in the crossfire at any time. Got it?"

Percy didn't have a second to respond. Connor flew at him with a growl and barely missed a swipe by a breath of an inch. Travis came barreling up behind a moment later and apparently didn't expect me to join the fray because he tripped over my extended leg and landed face first on a desk. The metal squealed against the floor. Grover whimpered from the corner.

Wheeling around, Travis gave me the ugliest expression I think I've ever seen. Or maybe it was just his face.

"Bitch," he snarled.

"Oooh creative," I jibed.

Travis punched at me, but I was lighter. Quicker. I ducked out of the way and stepped into him, slamming both of my fists into his chest. He fell back, but was only stunned.

Angrier than ever, Travis stomped forward and this time changed tactics. He kicked. His foot connected with my ribs and I hit the ground.

Something popped inside of me. Or maybe it was a tear. All I knew was that my face went cold from the drain of blood and my esophagus heated up to the point of fire. Pain was starting to weave its way outwards like shards of crystal from the inside out.

While I was down, Travis came forward and wound back his foot again. I rolled, got to my feet, and with the last of my strength punched him so hard in the face that I felt his nose give way beneath my knuckles. He hit the floor, unconscious.

Connor dropped a second later. Writhing, holding his mouth and moaning and pain.

Percy was breathing just as heavily as I was. A sheen of sweat glossed over his brow. When our eyes met he gave me a triumphant smile. His dimples clear and his gaze bright.

Pain ripped up my insides a moment later. Hot liquid flooded my mouth and poured over the sides of my lips. Acrylic, metal tasting. Before I wilted to the ground I saw the horror on Percy's face and heard his cry of alarm.

Blood.

I was creating a dark pool of it on the floor. It was freely streaming from my mouth. Not stopping, not even trickling out. My lungs were clear but it was hard to breathe so where was the blood coming from? Why did it hurt so bad? What was happening to me?

There were two soulmate hearts in the puddle. Coated so thickly in the cream of red that I could barely make out their stars.

I clutched onto Percy. Fear pattered in my chest. Making it come faster, stronger. Coughing made it come out of my nose. My hands were drenched. Barely could I react as Percy pulled me into him, muttering things I couldn't hear over my own heartbeat in my ears.

Abruptly, Grover was on his hands and knees next to me. Crying out my name as my blood soaked into the shins of his pants.

I reached a hand out to him. One thought blaring in my mind. One thing I needed him to know before the black claimed me.

"Don't," I burbled desperately. "Don't tell Rachel E-Elizabeth Dare!"

Final part: March 22nd.

Please remember to tell me what you thought of this part! Where do you think it's headed now? Any favorite parts or lines?

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