I watched Episode 5 last night, thought about and the watched it again and again. I think I memorized almost every line... There was so many little scenes I wanted to write about, so many little glances, movements and so many sentences that catched my interest. It was a really hard decision to find the right quotes. In the end I decided on this three Lines, I hope you enjoy... P.S. OMG what an opening scene... It's totally okay with me if they did on every Episode!

J.T. Forbes: Uh, me? Choir. But seems that since he met you, Vincent feels alive. He... he thinks he can have a normal life and... and walk on sidewalks and stuff. You know who can'tdo that? Guys with death certificates.

Vincent :

Oh crap, he didn't just say that. Out loud, with that sarcastic undertone and in front of her. I thought we were talking confidently. We're best friends and now he throws my inner feelings at her feet. She looks kind of surprised and also shocked. And, oh damn is that pity in her Eyes? Please god let the earth swallow me, now. Yeah, I feel alive since I met you is that so hard to believe? She doesn't say anything about it. Maybe she is just polite, or maybe as embarrassed as me? Or maybe it just doesn't matter to her. She is very heard to read. They both go on, talking about safety and I try to answer and ease their panic. I feel a little like a Kid who's getting scolded by his parents. Not really the way I want her to see me. We had some time over the last nights to talk and to regain our trust in each other, reconnecting. It was all very friendly, just conversations but it left me agitated. Like we had a fresh start. The way she talks and smiles is slowly pulling me in. I feel more relaxed and almost a little accepted in her presence, a feeling that I only had with J.T. till now. And she makes me smile, something I hadn't much reason to do in the last years.

I know I sound annoyed when we explain the whole Phase B stuff to Cat, but I can't help myself. I am so confused right now. I try to act normal, lighten the mood and congratulates her on her Birthday. I decide to drop a little information on the side about my yearly stalking habits, hoping she doesn't freak out about it. She doesn't and it's a sign for me that she has indeed very much on her mind right now. She seems not so excited about it this year, tells me how her life appears to be a little confusing right now. Cat tells me her birthday is very connected with memories of her Mother and I'm humbled that she shares some of that with I make a mental note of her liking old movies and flannel PJ's. I ask about her party cause she was always having one in the past but she tells me she isn't having any. I realize it's somehow my fault she don't wants a party. She has a life with real people in it, unlike me and J.T., people that ask question, notice her strange behavior Now she has to act and sneak around, every time she's coming to see me. She has to lie to them because of me. People always have to lie because of me...

Catherine Chandler: You're offering me an entire night where I don't have to make up lies?

Vincent Keller: Yeah, I figured you could use a break from it. I'll see you at eight.

Chandler: It's a date

Catherine Chandler: Not a... not a "date" date.

Am I babbling? Stop, stop talking Cat, he looks like a deer in the headlight. Awkward! I look away, desperately looking for any kind of distraction. My brain finally starts function again and I start asking about his home and pictures... It brings me the final clue for my current case but all day my mind goes back to his face when I dropped the word date. Was that excitement or fear? Does he want to have a Date with me, is that even possible for him? Does I want a date with him? I contemplate that thought and yeah I think it would be nice, just him and me for once at a table and not on a rooftop or my fire escape in the cold. Just talking and maybe there would be a good night kiss... Okay now I'm getting ahead of myself and I have no idea if he even is up to that Idea. Maybe he doesn't want to and I'm making a fool out of myself when I ask him about it. Or he wants to but can't because of his situation and it would be cruel to offer something he can't have. Should I ask J.T.? Now that would be even more strange and he would probably say no anyway aaaand were not in 6th grade any more Cat.

When I went back to the Warehouse later something is different. Somehow Vincent is fully on his self loathing trip. He's closed up and back on pushing me away, telling me how lucky I am for even having a party and friends when he and J.T. doesn't. He even plays the card of him saving me for more than hanging out in hiding with him. Something had happened. And I think he doesn't understand how I feel when I'm with him, I know about all the things I have to give up in order to spent time with him, know the danger and the obstacles. I like just sitting with him, talking. I can be myself with him. Isn't he realizing I'm a grown woman and can decide for myself? I know I have all the things that both of them are missing but doesn't Vincent see that he is worth the effort. In my eyes at least.

So I'm kind of annoyed on my way home, not really in the mood for a lot of people. But Heather had good intentions and probably put much effort in it so I give it a shot. The party is nice, I wouldn't have needed it, but it was relaxing to drink a bit, have fun and let loose. Until the end of course, that kiss from Evan was just... I don't know what it was besides drunk and wrong and overall surprising. It's going to be so awkward to see him again. As I clean up while Heather is past out on her bed I feel angry, angry with me for not pushing him away, angry at him for kissing me when his date is waiting for him outside and angry at Heather for leaving me alone with this mess here. I decide that I did enough and go to bed. On my way to the bedroom my eyes fell on the photo booth and behind it. There, softly shining and wrapped with care sits a gift. It only can be from him, directly besides the fire escape. It's light as I pick it up, but there's no note on it which is strange. When did he put it here, why didn't he tried to get my Attention? When I turn around my eyes fall directly into the booth. The booth were I was kissed by my Co worker just an hour ago. And than I realize. Oh please no...

Catherine: My sister is out. I have Dinner ready by eight and unless there is something else holding you back I hope to see you there.

If he saw me with Evan, he didn't let it show. His mask was in place but I wanted to look behind it. I had thought all day about it and wanted to make him an offer. Give him a sign that he was the one I was interested in and no one else. He thought so little of himself, like he was responsible for everything that went wrong or was bad in my life. But compared he didn't saw the sweet, good things we shared. So I made my point about this whole situation, and invited him for Dinner without waiting for an answer. Always on his terms and always with a back door open for him. When I left him, I felt excited. I went shopping for groceries and started making one of the few recipes that I could cook, Pasta Bolognese. I drank a beer to calm my nerves on the thoughts of an evening with him alone, it's wasn't like this was the first time that we are alone but tonight was going to be a totally different setting. I had carefully set the table and placed the candles on it. I wanted it to be obviously. This was a real dinner date with a romantic undertone. I wanted him to know that I was open for a chance of this becoming more. And I hoped that he felt that way too. I freshened up and took a last look at our dinner. Everything was ready, the only thing that's missing is him. So I waited.

But he didn't show up. I waited for hours but shortly before midnight it's clear that he wasn't going to come. I hadn't thought that this would hurt me that much. After I blew out the candles I put the food away, I surely wasn't hungry any more. My Mind was trying to figure out a reason why he would turn this opportunity down. Why he was turning me down. Was he angry because of the Kiss? Had I read the signs wrong? Perhaps I was to forward but I had been sure that we felt the same way. Maybe, I was wrong about that.

Endnote: I have my piece for episode 6 finished so if you want me to continue let me know!