Oh my god, I can't believe that she really closed that window. In my Head I always thought it would be the perfect metaphor but to see that they really did it that way... As always I'm so blown away by your nice words. This time I hope I catch Cat's frustration, her anger. Hope you enjoy reading it as much I enjoyed writing it...

Vincent: Hey.

Catherine : If you're auditioning for jogging buddy's, I don't want the part.

Catherine:

Great, not only saw Alex me on my worst moment, watching crap TV and eating ice cream while looking like I'm homeless, no, now he surprises me while my nose is running from coldness and I'm totally sweaty and a little hung over. He tries to apologizes for her showing up at my door. Yeah, I so not needed that awkward moment when she reminded me of their engagement and their history. As I could've forget that. Maybe she wanted to mark her Property. We talk about this insane love trip idea. Logicically, he should have just told her no, that it was far to dangerous, but he surprises me again, he really is really thinking about going up there. I can't believe it. He states it's not going to be romantic, that they just want to talk and catch up. Maybe he should tell her that too because the way she looked and talked she clearly wants to continue where they have left of. Means playing soon to be man and wife. And after that, he has the nerve to say, he don't wants to hurt me. Like he didn't know he already did. I'm not in the mood for this kind of conversation, it's far to early. By the way what is he doing here in the bright daylight?

He notices I'm mad. No, really? Wasn't I subtle enough about that? How did he thought I would react after my confession yesterday? I had told him that I want to be with him and he clearly chose her or the future that he may could have with her over me. Underneath all his baggage I realise, he still is just like any other guy. They just don't get it. He sees the possibility of a future while I see a car running a 100mpH without functioning breaks. This is going to end in a disaster, I just feel it in my gut. I'm cold, hurt and maybe jealous, okay more than a little jealous and so I say something I didn't mean to. Not in the way it sounded. I try to tell him that, but I obviously hurt him too, I can see it in his eyes and the way he quickly builds his wall up again. We separate shortly after, upset with each other. That is not really the best way to start my day.

When I come to work the next disaster is knocking at the door. They want to raid her apartment and I knew immediately what they would find. Prints all over her place from Vincent. Panicking I try to call him and than J.T. who's telling me that there are already gone. Oh damn. I tell him what's about to happen and declines his offer to take of it, cause than I would have to cover for him instead of Vincent. I don't have to think long about what to do. I sneak in Evans Lab and get the sprays that make everything, including fingerprints and DNA, vanish before making my way over. Alex needs a new lock because getting in her apartment is way to easy. Scrubbing everything clean is done fast and then I just need to get all of this pictures and letters. He so owns me for that. As I pack them, I see a bag from an expensive lingerie shop on her bed. It is empty of course because what ever she bought is in her luggage on the way to this romantic cabin. Just talking my ass. Time is against me and fortunately I'm ready just a couple minutes before my colleagues arrive. Then I try to persuasively search though that apartment. It's not until I scoop up that damn picture I overlooked, that I see it. A bug. Almost invisible behind the ugly Buddha statue. Muirfield knows.

At the warehouse I almost beg J.T. to go and warn them, but he has to safe Vincent's DNA from going public, what's a pretty good reason for me to let him work. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. We're all trying our best to protect him, risking so much while he's going on a stupid trip. And so minutes later, I sit in my car following the direction J.T. knows because of their Engagement party. And pray that they are dressed. And that I'm not to late.

Strange Guy : What about my truck?

Vincent: Forget your Truck, just get as far away from here as you can.

Vincent:

Some minutes have passed since I left the car on the street and made my way into the forest.

I immediately know it's her, silently sneaking a few foot in front of me. Her slender form almost makes no sound and her unique sent is flooding my senses. But what is she doing here? There could be Muirfield agents all around and she is wandering through the woods all by herself. She quickly turns around as she sense someone behind her, but as I disarm her, she knees me in the gut. Ouch, she clearly is stronger that she looks but as she wants to open her mouth and I try to catch my breath, I hear a noise. Not until I think it's safe, I ask her what on earth she's doing here. She tells me about the Bug. Now I am sure that it is indeed Muirfield, so I try to make her understand how dangerous this could get. But just seconds later we're arguing again, this time about the reason why I have left Alex in the Cabin. She always comes back with my Beast, like at our jogging conversation or at the wedding. I tell her how much it had hurt me to get send away like that, like a dog that she doesn't want to pet any more. She denies it but that's exactly how it had felt when she didn't stopped me from leaving. She tries to convince me again that she always saw me as a man. As a person with an issue but she thinks it's not the beast in me but the way I deal with it. Tells me it's okay if someone knows you secrets and fears. Maybe I think about that point if I make it out here alive.

The Killers from Muirfield have found us and now it's us two against three of them. Somehow it feels a lot like the night we met, when I saved her the first time from Muirfield. The forest, the night sky, the threat, it all reminds me of that night and how she, even then without knowing me never acted like she was scared of me. As we hide next to each other behind a rock, they throw a grenade at us and I can only push her away in the last second. It's the final force for my beast form and this time I let it come, let instincts take over and maul the first to shreds. I need to protect her and by her I'm not sure if my subconscious talks about Alex or Catherine. As I look up, she shoots the one next to me, which would have probably killed me a second later. The only one Agent left is trying to fight me, but without a chance. After snapping that last ones neck I try to come back, taking deep breathes. Felling my thoughts becoming clearer. It's always easier with her near, why I have no idea. She looks me over, concerned for me while I'm in awe with her braveness. She was fighting, killing for me as I did for her. No sign of Fear. She says, she doesn't want me to hide any more that I already have to. And this time I know she is right. It's not going to work.

The noise we both hear is not another agent, it is Alex. Scared to death she is hiding behind a tree, one look at her and I know without her words that she has seen it all. Time stands still while she stares at my like I'm the Monster she just saw killing those man. And I am. It feels ice cold, she never should have found it out like this. She tells me to stay away, even points a gun at me with shaking hands. This was always my worst nightmare, with her and at a time even with Catherine. That she would find out and be afraid of me even when I am me again. That she could look at me with disgust and repulsion. While I'm dying in shame under her eyes, not knowing what to do, Catherine springs into action. Reassuring her that it's over and that I am still the same guy she had known for decades. I'm thankful for her words but the damage is already done. With the truth now out, I know for sure that Alex will never look at me the same again. And then Alex speaks the words I always knew were coming someday. That she can't do this, can't be with me like that. And the bubble we created over the last days finally bursts, leaving only hard shards behind. Through I had seen it coming it doesn't eases the pain I feel.

As I tell J.T. the whole story when I'm back home, he is more then just a little concerned that Alex will tell anyone but I know her, she wont. When we talk about the raid I suddenly turn to stone, remembering how often I was there in the last time. My fingerprints. But Catherine, selfless as she is, had saved me another time. How can I ever thank her enough for that. I'm such an Idiot. I have to go to her now.

When I climb up the later of Catherine's fire escape like I did a hundred times before something has changed. For the first time since we met and got closer, her bedroom window is closed. And this simply gesture screams so loud my ears are ringing. Waiting for her to come to her room gives me time to think of what I want to tell her. Minutes pass as I sit out there in the cold night until she finally enters her bedroom. Thankfully she let me in after I knocked but informs me first thing that she has little time. When I thank her, she misunderstand me again and gives me the pictures and letters from Alex apartment, memories I really don't want any more. It's just to painful. She says it's difficult to move on and my heart starts to stutter at her words. Please don't. I don't want her to move on, I want her with me. I try to tell her that I understand it now, try to make her understand how hard it is for me to live with myself. To live with the Monster I inhabit. But in now know that this is my problem and that I need to be with someone who accepts me, all of me. And I wish her to be that someone. I know it's my fault that she feels like she is my second choice, I am so embarrassed by the way I behaved in the last days. I see, how deeply it wounded her that I went with Alex to that cabin, her mind imagine the worst things like mine did with Evan not long ago. And I deserve her cold attitude, she has every right to be upset with me, do be disappointed. But she needs to know it was never about her or Alex. Never about some kind of renewing our long over, loving relationship. Just about a potential future, something better than I face now. But through the evening I had realized that no future could ever be without the woman in front of me. I tell her that and even if she doesn't believe me, doesn't have faith in me or us now, I will tell her again and again until the day she finally believes me. I will never give up the hope for a future by her side.