Hello my lovely readers, as always thanks for the sweet reviews. 600 readers in 10 days, I have no idea if that counts as many, but it sure feels that way. Hope you stay with me and maybe I can reach some more with my writings. By the way that was one of the sweetest on screen first kisses I've ever seen. I searched hours for the right words to describe it and I'm still not a 100% sure if I found them. Okay, enough of me, hope you enjoy reading!
Vincent: Hi, it sounds like I'm under dressed.
Catherine: No, no you're perfect. Its just the three of us, it's a safe, controlled Environment.
Catherine:
I had to say I had been surprised that I had convinced him to this dinner, knowing there was the possibility of it to not end well. But what do they say, hope dies last. And maybe there was a chance it could prevent me from telling more lies. So we had orderd delicious food and prepared for a nice evening. Now there was no turning back. When he stepped inside I sent a prayer to every god I knew that this evening was going to be smooth. I knew Heather and she could be a better investigator than me if she really wanted to know something. He looked rather nervous and held the flowers with an iron grip before I reminded him to give them to her. Because of his missing jacket he couldn't hide his trembling hands. He did this for me, because it was important to me and also to show me that he could, it was clear to see. And made me love him even more. Heather gave him a look-over and was nice enough to warn him about the surly following inquisition. He told her she could start right now, words that he probably wanted to take back just a few seconds later when she started firing questions at him. I tried to help him but had no chance against my little Sister. I noticed he was telling her just enough truth to sound real and lied about the things that could bring her in danger. And the whole time I just stood next to Heather, watching them exchange and the more personal her drilling became the more often he looked at me, showing me that those sweet words were directly for me.
I was just about to offer him something to drink as it knocked on the door again, we both turned to stone. While Heather were going totally overdrive Vincent and I looked at each other, knowing this evening just turned a lot more complicated. I verbalized my discontent to her but she naturally didn't understood my concern, pointing out that the got along well. But as I looked over to our couch I directly spotted how uncomfortable Vincent was. His social skills were lacking, I had knew that all along, understood it given his circumstances. So he was acting a little awkward at first with his speech just a bit to loud. The next mistake that I discovered was the lack of synchronism in our lies. With Heather alone, we would have talked together but now we were fighting on different fronts, so errors happened. Like with his job. My increasing nervousness wasn't helping either.
The hope that dinner would be smoother was quickly buried when Darius rudely asked about Vincent's scar. We both panicked, talking completely mixed up and his catch of my glass of wine didn't go so unnoticed either. So much for acting normal. I wished for that dinner to be over, my voice started to sound like mickey mouse and I couldn't stop laughing strange. I was a wreck. We were anything but smooth but the worst was about to come. When my sister told us about that photo of us Vincent's body went instantly rigid an fear became very prominent in his eyes. When he excused himself I knew for sure where he was heading. So I tried to entrap them both into conversation. But luck wasn't on my side because Heather followed right after him with no way I could stop her. I just hoped he had been careful. As he returned announcing his departure I knew right away that something was wrong. In front of our door I softly tried to reassure him but I could see that he wasn't buying it. He had wanted to make a good impression so badly. Our obviously weird behaviour and that damn picture bothered him more that he showed me. And when our almost kiss was interrupted for the third time I believed for a second that all odds were against us. I just hoped that this night was not a step back, not again.
Next day at work I had hoped for a second that I could make things right with Tess. She didn't really looked at me and being guided in that room felt more than just strange. But no, it should only become worse. As soon as I saw Heather sitting in there with that 'we need to talk' look all over her face my pulse started racing. They both started to share there new found information with me, coming more than a little to close to the truth for my feeling and the way they were doing it really made me angry. There sounded like parents lecturing their teen daughter because she ran away with a bad boy. Like I was stupid and in a abusive relationship without realising it. I was a grown woman and a cop, for gods sake, didn't they think I could make my own decisions? That I wasn't able to look out for myself? I was trying to make it look like a misunderstanding but Heather and Tess were like bulldogs with a fresh bone. They couldn't stop biting and barking. All there accusations were so far from reality but I couldn't tell them that, couldn't talk about this kind man I felt so much for. I was defending him and they knew it. I would protect him with all my power, no matter what. When Heather realised that I wasn't backing down she implied the worst case. I was shocked over the possibility to have to choose between Vincent and my Sister. Because I knew as much as I loved my sister, that this was unfair. And that my heart would always choose him.
Vincent: I killed him.
Catherine: Who?
Vincent: Darius.
Vincent:
I had waited almost half an hour on her fire escape, trying to find the right words I would say to her. As she stepped into the old brick building I made my way inside. Preparing myself for the end.
When I had found her in the club earlier that night, hearing how she was promising her sister that she would break up with me, it had confirmed my worst fears. Heather had convinced her that I was the worst choice for her and I couldn't take offence in that because it was simply the truth. At least one of the two Sisters had see right through me. When I confirmed that I had overheard all of it she instantly started yelling at me. And it didn't matter that she assured me that it was all a show for her Sister, it wouldn't be long until this conversation would become reality. The possibility of her, loosing her sister because of me or the Danger that comes with me was just the last straw. I had seen her at that dinner, had watched her closely and while she would never say it to my face, she wanted normal like every other woman. And normal I just couldn't give her. I had nothing to give her I knew that. And so this fake break up quickly became a real one, ripping the hope for a future right out of my beating heart.
When I had been on my way out, I saw Darius pointing that gun at Heather. It all happened in the blink of an eye, I just reacted. Sensing the danger I just jumped right into a transformation, I needed to safe her because I knew Catherine would never forgive herself if anything would happen to her. If I could prevent her to feel the same pain I knew so good, it was worth it. When my mind slowly went back to normal, hovering protectively over her unconscious body I checked Heather for any injuries, relieved when I found nothing. But that Darius guy hadn't been so lucky. And I couldn't even remember clearly when I had pushed him. Lying there in the dirt of this city was the next victim of Vincent Keller, who always wanted to help but only ended up killing another one. Another pair of eyes that would haunt me in my dreams. When I fleet from the upcoming sirens I knew I had again left a part of my soul behind.
Now I sat here, waiting for her so I could confess my sins. As she finally walked in she knew immediately that something was wrong. I didn't saw a benefit on waiting some more so I told her straight away what had happened. The words tumbled out of my mouth. I felt so utterly helpless, hopeless. And ashamed. I told her, I didn't mean to, hoping desperately that she would believe me, praying that she would see the deep remorse in my eyes. Please, believe me Catherine. I don't wanted to kill him, kill another one. I was chanting that words in my head, preparing for the worst. I had thought that she would push me away. That she would at least be horrified by my lack of control but she didn't said a word. Just looked at me.
When she later made her way to the crime scene to get Heather I followed her. She cried as she held her completely dissolved Sister in her arms while witnessing the deep grief of her Boss. He had lost his brother, a feeling I knew too good but he had lost him because of me. Because I didn't could control my strength. I was responsible for the tragedy that unfolded in front of me. Because Death follows my every move. How could she ever love a monster who did such things.
I had waited on the roof as ever, hiding in the shadows where I knew I belonged. When she came up I stayed hidden for a few minutes more, trying to get a last undisturbed look at this beautiful Woman in front of me. I tried to imprint every fracture of her in my soul. How her long hair moves with the wind, how her hazel eyes search for me. So I can always remember the beauty that had let the beast into her heart. As I watched her for the last time it dawned on me, that I had never been so close to Happiness in ten years. But as always I had lost it before I had a chance. I always did. This time it was by my own decision. She had risked so much for me, had protected me more than once with her life. Now it was time to protect her one last time. From me.
When I finally had the courage to come out she thanks me for saving her Sister. Yes, I had saved Heather but how many troubles had I caused her through it. I knew, that Joe will do anything in his power to find the murder of his brother. To find me. And I didn't wanted to burden her even more. This danger for her precious life has to stop, today. So I told her that I would leave. Because I didn't want her to loose her Sister over me, or because of me. And if that wouldn't be reason enough I saw what she wanted, she shouldn't give up her hopes and wishes. I will never be what she needs, I will never be normal. And even than, she still tells me that she is wanting me. That I am her normal. And when I open my moth to tell her that I don't deserve her she shatters my whole existence with just 4 Words.
How? How can she love me when I can't even love myself. She keeps talking about walls but for the first time in 10 years I do what my heart tells me. Without thinking, without doubting. I lean forward and press my lips to hers. My whole mind becomes still, the softness of her mouth against mine is the only remaining feeling in the world. It feels like my soul is taken apart only to be put back together in a new breathtaking way. So long I had dreamed, fantasized about this but the reality is almost to much to endure. And so I withdraw for just a second to tell her the only words that are left in my heart.