Devotion 18
Edward left the door wide for Alice. In the back of his brain, his voice screamed a firm no. I don't want this. But it was too late now, and the good smells were pulling him toward the kitchen.
He had been the recipient of much hospitality in his thirty-four years. But when it came to being the host, the source of it, he lacked. He saw that now as Shanni looked around the kitchen for…something.
"You got a potholder?" she said.
Oh. He…might. The oven. He looked there, but no way. Bella followed his gaze. "For real?" she said.
She went to the oven and yanked it wide.
"Mom," Shanni was correcting, eyes darting toward Edward to gauge his reaction. After all, if he wanted them to see the horde, he wouldn't have hidden it in the oven.
Bella was peeking at the mess. "You have some cabinets, you know," she said, starting to put the items on the scrap of counter. "Kitchens…organizing is my thing. Shanni wipe those drawers out. You know how Marvin was. Get all the boogeymen out, and we'll have this place good in no time."
"I can do that," Edward said, frustrated. They couldn't understand, and he didn't need them to. The discomfort was by choice, as deliberate as what she was doing now, organizing, thinking she improved his lot.
"If you really wanted to do it…you would have, right?" she said amused. She was correct, and that gave him pause. She knew then.
"And for me…it's like Christmas. This stuff is like…William and Sonoma," Bella said holding up a pair of shiny silver salad tongs, snapping them like jaws.
No, she didn't have a clue about him.
Shanni had taken one of the new dishrags, and she was already scrubbing.
"Get the table, too," Bella told her. Edward could see how eager Shanni was to help. It had never ceased to amaze him, how children were basically devoted to their parents no matter how hard it was at home. Parents killed the devotion sometimes, at various levels of the kid's development, but by nature, children so badly wanted to please. It had been the case with him. With his mother, he'd been pathetic, felt all the burden for her happiness from a very young age. And it was evident to him, Shanni adored Bella.
Needing to move, he figured he could at least bring the other chair in. One thing was certain. Alice would bring her own seating.
And speaking of, Alice arrived as Edward was entering the window, chair awkwardly in tow.
"Better put that screen back in," Alice said. "Foley ain't much, but it comes to the screens he gets hysterical."
Edward immediately checked her lap for the gun.
"Yeah, they don't work," Alice said, noticing his gaze and assuming he stared at her legs.
"I figured," he said. "The chair."
"Don't be a smart ass," she said wheeling herself further in. She looked around, eyes landing on the box-bed. "Like what you've done with the place."
"Thanks," he said.
He noticed the cloth bag she held over the side of the chair. She held it up to him. "That's the bread."
"Oh. I could smell it from here."
"It's my perfume," she said shaking her short dark hair. "Baked." Then she laughed.
"I was thinking about a place I was once. They made bread every Saturday and the smell…I was thinking about that," he said.
"Portugal?" She grinned. News had traveled fast.
"This was down south."
"Mississippi?" But she didn't wait around for the answer, and that was good because he had no plans to give it, but he'd been talking about a place way further south than Mississippi.
Edward insisted they gather at the table. He stood at the counter, leaned against it, held his plate not too far under his chin. He felt conflicted. But it had come to him, this beautiful food, just like before when Bella had brought the spaghetti, his last true meal. He went ahead and shoveled.
"There's more," Alice said after a few seconds. Edward realized they'd been watching.
He felt sheepish then and lowered the dish. "It's good," he said.
"I call it a mess," Alice said.
"She's like the best cook ever," Bella said, also taking a big bite.
Alice smiled as she ran her fork through the colorful rice dish. "She says that. Praise for the crippled girl."
To Edward's surprise, they all broke out laughing. Shanni looked at him over the top of her glass to see if he'd go along.
"Praise then," he said, raising his piled fork before shoving it into his mouth.
He ate two plates filled with food. Three slices of bread with some cheap margarine.
He'd been starving. And until he had them to eat with…he'd had no idea.
"Now that I'm down here, I want to see that plant," Alice said, wheeling away from the table.
"You can have it," Edward said after her, but he made no move from his position at the counter.
"She don't need another thing," Bella said. "She's got that apartment so crammed with all her crap, I mean projects. Every time someone moves she gets the plants!"
"And the antiques," Shanni added, a little smile like Aunt Alice was exasperating.
"Another word for old crap," Bella laughed.
"Shanni!" Alice called.
Shanni left the table in pursuit of her aunt's call. Edward was amazed at how much…energy. Talk. Movement.
"I mean it," Bella said toward the living room between bites. "We're not taking that plant. We already have the Climatron in our kitchen and living room."
He didn't want to get involved. It didn't matter if Alice took the plant or not. Was everything a fight with these two?
Then Alice's voice raised, and she was talking fast. Bella shot up from her chair and in the doorway crashed into a breathless Shanni. "Jasper's here," the girl said, eyes darting from Bella to Edward.
Edward stood a little straighter. Bella pushed Shanni further into the kitchen and went out. Edward followed. Alice was at the window, holding the plant, the screen still removed. "I told you I never wanted to see your face again you bastard!"
Jasper stood too near the window. "Five minutes, Allie," he said.
"It's that fucker Aro," Alice said to no one in particular. "He called him and told him I came down."
Bella pushed up to the window. "Jasper, just go. Don't come around here, like she said."
"I just want to see you, Allie. Look at you, baby. This is the closest we been in seven years."
Alice seemed stuck for a moment. Edward had gotten close enough to realize she was crying. "I can't bear to look at you. I don't ever want to see you again. Stay out of my life. Stay away from me." Her voice was so subdued. So broken. It only drew Jasper closer. He got right up to the window.
"Baby, you know how sorry I am. All I can think of is you. All that time. Now I'm out it's worse. It's worse, baby. I don't care about your legs…any of it. I just…I need to be able to see you…"
"You don't care!" Alice shouted. "It don't matter! I care! I care!"
"Go on," Bella said. She set the plant on the floor, and she bent over Alice like Edward had seen her do before. "Calm down," she said to her sister. "Settle down."
"Make him go," Alice kept saying.
Edward went out of the apartment. The moment he got close to the outside doors he heard the escalation, Alice's screaming, and Jasper's yelling. He heard Bella.
"Hey," Edward said, walking quickly toward the argument.
Finally, his near approach got Jasper's attention. "What the fuck, man! Who are you?" Jasper said to Edward. Then, "Hey. I seen you somewhere before. You a cop?"
"No," Edward said.
"No. Not a cop," Jasper said, still confused. "Get the fuck outta my face."
Edward knew Jasper would love to unleash his anger somewhere. He was still trying to appeal to Alice, but she was hysterical now, and Bella had joined in. A couple of neighbors across the way were standing in their doorways. "This isn't working," Edward said to Jasper who was calling after Alice as Bella wheeled her away.
"This doesn't help your cause," Edward said. "She has an OP."
"You the big man now?" Jasper said, diverting his attention to Edward now that Alice was out of Edward's apartment.
"No. It's not like that."
"You fuckin' Bella or Alice?"
"I'm just a neighbor. I'm nothing."
"Nothing? What the fuck is that?"
"This isn't helping your cause, showing up like this," Edward repeated.
"You don't know me," Jasper said, angry.
"You're right," Edward said. Jasper knew he was wrong about a lot of things, but hearing he was right about something might bring his anger down. "I don't know you. But I've seen Alice do this twice now. She doesn't want to see you like this. Sudden and…she doesn't want it. So it doesn't help you, man. Maybe a letter? I don't know. But this isn't working."
Jasper's finger drilled once toward Edward's shoulder. "You the fucking janitor or some shit?"
"No," Edward said.
"I seen you before."
"The other day. In the yard."
"No. I seen you somewhere else."
"I don't know about that," Edward said, not believing this guy had seen him anywhere. "Maybe another way. Maybe she needs time. You just got out. That's what she said."
"She talk to you about me?"
"Just that. When you were here the other day."
"She tell you the rest? She tell you I put her in that chair?"
Edward didn't answer right away. "No. She ah…she didn't say that. Why don't you go home, man? Think it over."
Edward kept his distance, but Jasper narrowed the space between them. "You got no idea about Alice and me. You put yourself in my way one too many times, fucker."
Here came the sucker punch, but Edward knew it was coming. He stepped into it, planted his feet and grabbed Jasper's fist with both hands. He lowered Jasper's arm enough to quickly push him off balance. Jasper hit the ground hard.
"I don't want to fight you, man." Edward said. He knew better than to offer his hand. Jasper got up on his own. He was degraded now. Pride would require some kind of brutal response.
"The cops are on their way!" Bella's voice rang out from the window above.
"Go on," Edward said, knowing good decisions weren't a given in this guy's life. He was calming enough to know they weren't always a given in his either.
Jasper looked up at the window. "Allie…I know you can hear me. I'll be back, you hear me?"
He looked at Edward. "Next time you fuck with me will be the last time."
Edward knew he was still too close should Jasper decide to attack. But after another look up, he started to walk away.
When Jasper was gone, Edward turned to see several were in their doorways. A couple of younger guys were in the courtyard. "Where'd you learn to fight like that?" one asked him.
Edward shook his head like he didn't know. Hadn't trained. For years.
Bella came out then. She was out of breath from taking the stairs it seemed. Edward got to the doors, and she followed him toward his apartment. "Where are you going?" she grabbed his arm and he stopped short of making it to his door.
"I'm going inside," he said, nodding toward his door. He felt the pressure of her grip. Looked there. Her hand there.
"What was that? You were…you took him down like…" Her face showed a mixture of worry and admiration. She was wrong to worry about him. More wrong to admire him.
"Is Alice..?" he said.
"She'll be all right," Bella said, impatient, like they didn't have the time nor need to discuss anything but the altercation.
"Did you really call the cops?" he said.
"No. Shit. No," she said. "But I was going to if…you didn't look like you needed help," she said, almost like she was accusing him of something.
She moved a little closer. "He threw that punch…hey, guys fight. I see fights, believe me. And I know when a man can handle himself. You're one of those guys, Edward McCarty," she said. "The more you know, the less you use. That's what the boys say that bounce at Vibe."
She was right about that. The only good fight was the one you completely avoided. But if you knew how to do it, to fight, you didn't have to use it. You didn't usually need to.
"None of them put a guy down like you did Jasper. You've got to give me some answers, Edward. You're pulled into our shit now. What if he comes back? I don't want you to get in trouble because of us."
Bella had both hands on his arm now. With her looking up at him…his hand raised a little, and he lightly touched the buttons on his shirt, mid-level. He felt whatever it was they made—the energy. He was trained to feel it. She fit into the space around him, her chin where his chest divided, her breasts where his muscles went conclave over his stomach, the smooth front of her over the deep need to answer her in some primal way. Her eyes…he saw the wrong things there, the good things, the need, the give, the finished self and the unsure, unformed, unfinished woman she was. She was wanted but not adored. Noticed but not celebrated. Full of bravado but short on confidence. She was tapped. But untapped. Touched. But untouched. Not pure. Not loved. She was dormant inside. She was hardened. But redeemable. It stabbed him with sorrow that someone might discover all he knew now. It wouldn't be him. But for her sake, for Shanni's, he had to hope for her. Pray for her to find what she needed. The generosity…was killing.
He told himself to be real. To stay here and be real and not spin off in some wistful bullcrap. Sweet as she looked now in the dimness of this hall, he'd always known she was a little dirty. Just enough to be wrong. Which made her right. And approachable. For now. For right now.
Maybe she was strong enough to survive him. Maybe?
He removed her hands from his arm. He was gentle. He held them for a minute with his own, looked there. Her hands in his, hers small and rough. She worked hard. She was a mother. Shanni's mother.
"What are you thinking?" she said, her breast pushing against his arm. She would take this further. All he had to do was open the door.
"I'm thinking it's time for you to go to work," he said.
"So you don't want to talk?" she said. A little anger there. "You were just in a fight. You could have been hurt."
"Did he really put Alice in her chair?" he said.
She stayed pressed against him, her eyes…intense. She was feigning anger to hide her disappointment. "He told you that? What a jerk."
"How did it happen?" They could go there. They could talk about this.
"He was driving," she said. "You want this story you have to give me one. After work." She pulled away from him now. For a moment, he was bereft. As if he was used to her nearness. Counted on it to get through the evening.
"And I'll get the box then. For the gun. Remember?" she said.
"And you'll wait and let them walk you out. To your car after work," he said. He hadn't meant to say it.
But with Bella, he spoke from a different place, and it was opening, the side of him that took something on, someone, and didn't know how to do it halfway. It was daunting, the commitment he could make…the devotion.
Maybe he understood Jasper.
Maybe they were the same.