Devotion 21
Edward had moved back to the parking lot before Bella's shift was over. He saw the usual horsing around a summer night brought in a place like this. It was the crap that proved the adage that nothing good happened after two a.m. Or more aptly, that men live quiet lives of desperation.
Bella came out before the place had died down, but long after people had been allowed in. He thought of her remark…I'm like the last guy that won't leave the bar. She was that guy tonight. Did she dread going home? Her boss said she'd been trashed. The dancing. She was bold. Wild. Some might say unpredictable but not in a way to be admired. Not by him.
Yet, in contrast to him, Bella was alive and kicking. Bruised and confused. Her energy made him feel how different they were. He'd always approached decisions with careful critical thinking.
She worked from beneath, barely ever broke the surface of life.
He'd not only known the surface, he'd stayed above it, protected by a life as solid as Old Ironsides. But the ocean was littered with impregnable wrecks that had become apartments for fish. Nothing was unsinkable.
Now Edward was tired. It looked like patience.
When Bella finally came out of Vibe, it was in a group. Three men and Bella. Laughing. And he realized the most attentive one was the guy from the courtyard that night. Khakis and undershirt. Tonight he was dressed in black. Like a Ninja. He was handsy and Bella wasn't put out about it. They were familiar.
Edward had been leaning on Bella's car because they had…not a date, but an appointment. To talk. About what? Something that had seemed to matter earlier. He straightened now and wondered if he should leave, but he wouldn't leave. Why should he? He meant nothing. He was just a friend, or not even that. A neighbor. He didn't even need the ride he'd been waiting on. It was the curiosity? Seeing if Bella came out of Vibe at night like a rabbit in the midst of wolves. Did he believe that?
He wanted to. It was the only justification for being here.
About halfway to her car, she spotted Edward. Undershirt spotted him the same time. The other two had already dropped off and gone to their car, but Undershirt was hopeful and had his arm around Bella's neck now.
"What's up with this guy?" Undershirt said to her, not moving the near headlock that bound Bella to him.
Bella smirked, but she was also surprised to see Edward. "You waited?" she asked. "Just full of surprises tonight."
All Edward had to do was say, "I can go. No big deal." But he wouldn't say that. He also wouldn't answer a stupid question.
"I need a ride," he said.
Bella quickly worked Undie's arm off of her. "You didn't even say good-bye so how was I supposed to know..?"
"Hey, fuck, this is my ride, dude." Undie said, emphasis on 'my.'
"There's a backseat," Edward said, also wondering if this guy had been in the backseat with Bella.
"A backseat," Undie repeated.
"Okay," Bella said moving to the driver's door and unlocking it. She carried things which she dumped between the seats. "I'll see you later," she said to Undie right before she got in and slammed the door.
"What the fuck?" Undie asked moving to her window and rapping knuckles on the glass.
Bella leaned and unlocked Edward's door. He got in on the passenger's side.
She started the car and rolled down the window. "You can always get a ride," she told Undie. Then she laughed and so did he, but not really. Undie had lost his sense of humor it seemed. "No, no. Don't do me like this." He leaned window level and said to Edward, "Fuck's up, man?"
Edward looked away. He nearly told Bella to back out, but this was her deal. He put his seatbelt on.
"What? You can't talk, dummy?" Undie said, and Bella rolled the window up.
"See ya!" she yelled, backing out like the old car had juice.
Edward watched the guy's frustration. Undie read it all wrong, like Edward was a rival. He wasn't a rival. He was barely in Bella's life at all. Or anyone's. Even his own.
"He's pretty ticked off," Edward said.
"He'll get over it," Bella said, shifting and pealing out with an arrogance that made her laugh. "What?" she said, her eyes so dark and full of herself. "You don't think he'll get over it? You can't hurt that guy. His ego…sure. But that's because he's male. He's too young. Not really smart."
Now Edward smirked.
"What?" she said again.
"Glad to see you like them smart."
The mirth left her eyes. "Fuck you, Edward."
"What?" he said.
"Like I don't care if they're smart. You're an ass." She accelerated. "You show up at my work. You're so judgmental. You don't have any right…"
"I didn't mean it like that," he said.
"You know what? Who cares," she said floating around the car in front of them. "I'll take you home. That's it. We don't have to talk. It doesn't work with you and me. You wanted to punch him. I felt it."
"I never wanted to punch him," Edward said.
"Oh no? That's why you left the club. You couldn't stand it." She taunted him.
"Stand what?"
"Them. My minions!"
He feigned dumbness.
She leaned toward him. "I sell drinks, Edward. I sell the Vibe!" She wagged her brows.
He smirked again, but he turned his face away and remembered to relax. It was close in here and he wasn't in the mood for this kind of talk and her driving was a disaster.
"Ever sell a vibe, Edward?"
He took a deep breath. She smelled like spilled beer. Her car…everything. "Is that like lazers? You shoot lazers out of your fingertips?" He smiled at himself, pictured her dancing. And lazers.
"Funny. Real funny. Perfect description. I mow them down. I'm very powerful. You might call me the queen." She sped through a light. He hoped the queen was above getting ticketed for traffic violations.
She pulled into a parking lot. All night diner. A silver place. Grime on the windows.
"C'mon," she said. "You can buy me a hot dog." She was out before he could say, 'not here.'
He followed her inside. He tried to keep his eyes off of her body. Truth, she had a pull and he'd closed his eyes for a moment and was able to keep up, that's when he knew how tuned in he was to her.
She led him to a booth. The last booth. There was a guy at the counter, steam rising from an opening to the kitchen. A window unit ground out semi-cold air near their booth. She half-fell in her side of the taped red vinyl and he did likewise across from her. Like that, lined up from her? It was almost more than he was ready for so he leaned against the back of the booth but she hunched forward, elbows on the table. "You're supposed to say, 'where'd you learn to dance like that?'"
"Huh?" he said stupidly.
"My dancing?"
Oh. He figured she wanted it on the table there, the fact he'd seen her dancing when she'd presented herself as tending bar and learning nuts and bolts about it. This is how she handled uncertainty, maybe. Embarrassment maybe. But she wasn't embarrassed. Not nearly.
He felt her feet tap against each side of his own.
"What are you doing?" he laughed. But he wasn't laughing.
"Relax. I'm holding you here. You look ready to bolt. Isn't this what you wanted? You came to my work. You waited for me. Chased off my squeeze."
The waitress came to the table. She knew Bella. "I'll have my usual," she said, eyes on Edward. "He'll have…chicken liver?" She grinned.
The woman started to say they didn't have chicken livers, but Bella just laughed.
"It's okay on the chicken," Edward said. "I'll have coffee."
"Oh no," Bella said. "Give him a dog. Like mine."
As she walked away with the order Bella told him, "You're no fun. You can't tell me you ate. I've seen your kitchen."
"You're a good dancer," he said and finally she got still. But she was smiling the whole time.
"You're full of shit, you know. A compliment doesn't count if you have to force it out of someone."
"That's too bad," Edward said.
"Why's that? Too bad you're full of shit?"
Her feet tap-tapped against his. He wasn't used to being touched like that. By a woman other than his mother and this wasn't motherly. Not even close.
She sat back a little when the waitress brought their drinks. Diet for Bella, water for him. The waitress smiled at Edward like they shared a joke.
"She wants you," Bella whispered.
"Bella," he chided. The woman was in hearing distance and burst out laughing as she went behind the counter.
"You can have him," Bella called and the two women shared a laugh.
Bella leaned closer, "See? You're a hottie. But you didn't come here to be sexually harassed."
"You brought us here," he reminded.
Now she did flop against the back of the booth. "You want to talk at your apartment?"
"This is okay. Talk about what?"
"Oh. Act like I made it up. We were going to talk, remember?"
"Yeah. I'm here. Listening. When you're ready…"
"No. I'm not the one holding out. You talk."
He sipped the water. "Looking for a fresh start. In touch with my family but not…not close. Like to be by myself."
"No. No you don't like to be by yourself like you think."
"No?"
"You want to be alone you don't take that apartment in that building. You like to watch. No what-do-you-call-it. You like to be on the outside looking in. But you don't want to get on the inside."
He said nothing.
"Think about it and you'll have to admit I'm right."
"You're the queen. Long live the queen."
"Oh, sarcastic are we? I guess I hit a sore spot."
The waitress brought their food. Two Chicago dogs. Bella added catsup to hers.
"You know I can never eat a hotdog without thinking of these three fat ladies that lived on my block. Every summer they'd have a big yardsale, save up stuff all winter, trash pick and rob the bags people set out for the Goodwill. And one of them would bring a Tupperware thing full of hotdogs and the three of them would sit there in their creaky green lawnchairs and eat those dogs…like six apiece. Every time I get a dog I think of them and there is no good reason for it."
He licked his lips. "Now I'll think about them."
She took her first bite and laughed with the mustard dripping down her chin and her wiping at it with a napkin. "Where'd you grow up, Edward?"
Her brown eyes sparkled with interest. Her skin was even. Smooth like cream. She was so alive. So real and imperfect and rude and… She was nosey and she was used to meeting people.
"You're on, aren't you?" he said.
"Always, Edward," she said before another big bite she also found hilarious. He couldn't watch her and not join in. She licked her fingers. "So what turns you on? Edward?"
She wiped her mouth, her lips. "You ah…you weren't afraid of those guys...at Vibe. You're a fighter. Like Special Ops…or Tom Cruise." She laughed before finishing the dog. "You grow up in Chicago?"
"No. Pittsburgh."
"Okay. Never been but yeah. You fight there? In Pittsburgh?"
He smiled now and filled his mouth with food. He chewed. "Very good," he said as soon as he could. He wiped over his mouth and chin.
"You live in Chicago and never had a dog?"
He laughed. "Not like this."
"Glad I could turn you on to it," she said pleased with herself. She took a long drink of the Coke, watching him the whole time.
He continued to eat. Her feet tightened their hold. "You know, Edward, I'll bet you're super educated. You've traveled. You were raised rich. An only child?"
He took his time eating.
"Am I right? Spoiled and like…adored. Little Lord Fauntleroy. Whoever that is." She laughed and drained the Coke.
"He finished and wiped his face and hands. "You got me," he said.
"Oh," she said taking his hand. "Let's see. I'm real good at this…reading your palm. You've got really nice hands. My God, look how long your fingers are McCarty!" She laid hers over his and his were a third larger. "Play piano much?"
"Yes," he said. "I blame Mrs. Yokito. She made me stretch."
"For real?" she said.
He shrugged. She still held his hand.
"Let me see," she adjusted and got up on her knees, knocking the plates out of her way. She stoked over his palm a couple of times and it felt strange and…he liked it. "Oh shit. No way," she said studying his palm.
"What?" he said.
"Oh, you're a real fast thinker. Kind of decisive," she said tracing one of the lines on his hand. "But you're sensitive. You'll like think of what someone says. Take it to heart, you know?" She was close and she looked at him and smiled.
Up close like that, he understood her appeal. Having someone. It wasn't possible for him. He didn't know how to share himself that way. Share his life. He'd get weird. Have to be left alone, frequently, for long periods of time. But right now…it was sweet, her touching him, making over his hand.
"You got me," he said.
They got stuck there for a minute.
"Yeah?" she said softly.
Then the little bell over the door tinkled and she looked over Edward's shoulder towards the sound. "What are you doing here?" she said.
Edward turned to see whom she addressed. Undie and his two buddies.