Chapter 6 - Oogushi-kun Blushes.
The job was not entirely finished, but Gintoki considered that the mission had nevertheless been a success. Thus, he had invited Hijikata to come and meet him at the Yorozuya agency to discuss what had been discovered, which the mayonnaise addict had accepted, bringing back with him Captain Sadist.
"So Boss, what did you find out?" Sougo inquired.
"Ah, that's quite the question, Souichiro-kun!" Gintoki exclaimed. "And I sure hope I get paid for it!"
"Kondo-san told us not to pay you until after we hear your report," said Hijikata.
"So you'll pay us after hearing our report huh?" Kagura said with a victorious look. "Even if you don't get anything out of it in the end?"
"Yes, yes... We won't go back on our agreement. We have a reputation to keep." Said Hijikata, sweeping the air with his hand. "Well, what about this report?"
"Hey, Shinpachi, start explaining it to them, will you?" Said Gintoki.
The bespectacled kid approached the small group, and began to tell what they had seen with Kagura yesterday morning.
"He stopped at several shops casually, but didn't make any purchases." Shinpachi explained. "And then he came all the way to the Otose-san Snack bar. We asked her what she knew about this guy, and apparently he's been coming here to eat for over a month..."
The Vice Commander nearly choked in surprise.
"And you haven't even been able to recognize this guy!?" Hijikata snapped.
"How could we know?! And for your information, it's been a long time since one of us went to see the witch downstairs! It's bad enough we have to deal with her when she comes to extort the rent from us..." Swung the perm-head, looking absent-minded.
"Gin-san, it's not extortion when it's a payment that's been due for several months..." Shinpachi pointed out. "You're the one who's late in paying!"
"We get it. Thanks for the social economics lesson," Gintoki replied. "Come on, is your part over?"
"Uh, yeah..." Said the glasses holder; disconcerted.
"Ah! The nevre of this guy, stealing my meals!" Kagura complained. "Tosshi, stop him, huh?"
"Yes, yes... Well, those two were inside," Gintoki said, pointing to the two kids with a nod. "So I kept following this guy. And he ran into some extremists that he talked to for a while..."
"The Joui?" Hijikata asked.
"It's hard to say," lied Gintoki. "But they were clearly anti-government."
He knew he shouldn't hide that kind of information, but he didn't want to get Zura in trouble... Although he had already gotten himself into it. And if the Shinsengumi found out that the Joui was holed up in the area, it was going to stir up some more trouble.
"But I thought he was going to make contact with other people, so I kept following him, all the way to the city limits..." Gintoki recalled. "And there, this guy did the exact opposite of what I expected. He slashed a dozen guys who must have been doing something not so legal!"
"Guys got slaughtered and you waited all this time to say anything about it, you fucking perm-head!?" Hijikata shouted.
"What!? What are you saying, you bastard! Those guys aren't dead as far as I know!" shouted the boss fiercely. "And you've been holding out on us too, you mayo freak!"
"What!?" Mayora got even angrier.
"Hijibaka always sweaps ugly stuff under the rug!" Sougo shouted.
"Yes! You even covered up a big detail! Or rather two, if you know what I mean!" The perm-head one became even more annoyed.
"Huh?! What are you talking about you moron!?" Hijikata shouted, confused.
"I'm talking about those two big details!" Gintoki replied, putting both of his cupped hands in front of his chest.
The Yorozuya Boss thus mimicked the shape of a woman's chest, and finally realizing what the perm-head one had been talking about for the past few minutes, the demonic Vice Commander turned white as a sheet, blood leaving his face.
"Huh? Huh?" He uttered while trying to sound as innocent and normal as possible. "I don't know what you're talking about, asshole."
"Huh? Do I have to draw you a picture?!" Contradicted Gintoki as he yelled louder.
"What's up Gin-chan?" Kagura asked, intrigued.
"It's just that kemono, that guy; well, he's not a guy, he's 'A' SHE! A GIRL!" Gintoki said without further ado.
"WWWWWHAAAAAAAAAT!?" Kagura and Shinpachi exclaimed in heart.
"Ah, it was obvious why he didn't want to say anything, that Hijikata-ugly-bastard-pervert-mayonnaise-sucking-pervert!" Said Sougo.
The Sadist on duty had managed to keep a calm appearance, despite the bomb that the Yorozuya Boss had just dropped. But it was a safe bet that in his mind, it was also chaos.
"Huh? Who's the pervert here, you Sadist!" Hijikata defended himself.
"So you admit that something happened, huh?" Kagura accused while shouting. "You pervert!"
"Hey, keep your voice down, or Otose-san will send Tama again!" Said Shinpachi hurriedly.
Hijikata was now pink-cheeked, trying to hide his embarrassment. And if embarrassment there was, embarrassing questions it would rain down.
"And by the way, how did you know that, Boss?" Sougo asked mischievously.
"Ah, that's-that's right, Souichiro-kun..." Gintoki began to babble. "See, right before that guy, well, you know... That she started slicing through the bacon, I tried to take cover, and I bumped into her, and I... How do I put this..."
"Ah, you're a bad guy, Boss!" Sougo concluded.
At that moment, Gintoki was hit by a purple umbrella in the face.
"TENGEN TOPPAAAAAAAAAAA! (1)" Screamed the perm-head while doing a spin in the air, before landing against the wall of the office.
"Gin-chan! I didn't know you dared to mess like that with a woman! You disgust me!" Kagura shouted.
The girl had assumed a posture similar to that of a housewife discovering that her husband had cheated on her, with tears in her eyes and both hands clamped over her mouth.
"I'm telling you it happened by accident! And in my defense, the only one who seemed to know this detail before me was Oogushi-kun!" Gintoki pleaded while standing up with a bloody nose.
"Damn it! WHO the hell is Oogushi-kun!?" Hijikata barked.
"Don't deflect the discussion, Hijibaka bastard!" Sougo added.
"Calm down, damn it!" Shinpachi interjected.
"Oi, Pattsuan," Gintoki asked mischievously as he walked over to the young man and put an arm around his shoulders. "Don't you want to know how Oogushi-kun knew before anyone else that Kemono is actually a woman?"
"Gin-san... N-No way..." Said Shimpachi, blood dripping from his nose. "You mean...?"
"What the goddamn HELL are you two thinking?" Hijikata bellowed in frustration. "It's true that something did happen, but it's not what you think!"
"Ah, so something did happen, huh?" Gintoki smiled, knowing that he had just embarrassed the Vice Commander even more.
By now, the perm-head and Mayora were giving each other glares full of lightning, no longer willing to speak to each other.
"Nevertheless, I am surprised." Said Sougo. "If this Kemono is indeed a woman, they would have no right to be part of the Shinsengumi under any circumstances."
"Women are forbidden, if I remember correctly?" Shinpachi asked.
"Sort of. The rules are pretty strict, so we haven't really had much of a turnout before for the female gender. Hence she would have needed an exemption to join our ranks..." Sougo explained, "And even with that, you would have needed Kondo-san's approval. But what puzzles me the most is that the old Matsudaira sent her to us, even though he must know perfectly well the situation and the fact that she is a woman..."
"Still, I've never seen such a woman in the police force... There's the other crazy one from the Mimawarigumi, but in this case..." Hijikata added. "Even if we knew she was a woman, we probably would have accepted her without any problem, considering her fighting skills..."
"Now that the mayo eater says it, I haven't really seen any women in the police force..." Said Gintoki thoughtfully, remembering the female firefighter he had helped in the past.
It was true that some professions were still not very practiced by women, in environments where men were sometimes subjected to great bouts of stress and situations that were not common or bearable for women. And among these very closed environments, the Shinsengumi was still exclusively male.
"Anyway, this Kemono, this woman... She's suspicious in more ways than one," Hijikata said. "From what you've told me, she wants to play all sides, and at the same time probably eliminate the competition... I wonder if it has anything to do with those comings and goings we've seen lately..."
"Comings and goings?" Gintoki questioned.
"Gangs have been exchanging large amounts of money recently," Sougo explained. "And not just between themselves. There are rumors that Amantos are planning to take over the city under the guise of big business.
"Amantos? What could they possibly find in Edo that's worthwhile? It's not like we're the richest planet in the universe!" Scoffed the perm-head.
"That's what we're wondering too..." Hijikata finished. "We think that what is traded the most is primarily drugs, but we haven't been able to come across an intact shipment yet to find out for sure... Anyway, it's none of your business, but watch out: the neighborhood may already be in their sights."
With that, Hijikata stood up, imitated by Sougo.
"Kondo-san will send you someone for the money." Said the Vice Commander.
"Don't try to get out of it, Mayora!" Gintoki smiled.
The mayo addict walked away and just before exiting raised a hand in greeting. The two kids looked at him incredulously, but the silver samurai got the message. Something bad was going on, and they probably wouldn't be spared. And if it was that serious, it wouldn't be long before the old woman would have to meet the other remaining Devas. But all he could do for now was wait. And by wait, he meant do nothing, or do odd jobs. The second option seemed more lucrative, even though he was reluctant to try very hard lately. Hence, he chose the best option: take a nap until late in the evening.
To Be Continued...
Comprehension Notes:
(1) Tengen Toppa: Reference to the anime Tengen toppa Gurren Lagann. "Tengen Toppa" literally means "pierce the heavens!", and in the anime, the heroes fight enemies called "spirals".