A/N: I'm probably gonna end this story in the next chapter. The question is- how should I end it tho? XD Enjoy this chapter~

(21) Breathing

He heard voices. Faint. Husky. Tremulous. Then he saw lights. White. Bright. Painful.

Yong Soo was calling his name. He was shaking him frantically. Leon lifted his left hand to cover the light. His wrist was wrapped in bandages. Who had patched him up?

Next to Yong Soo he saw a familiar face he didn't expect to see. Emil.

He looked pale, terrified and dreary. Leon wasn't sure if his vision was getting blurred or if those were really tears in Emil's eyes. He was yelling his name. Strange.

'Damn it, Leon, wake up!'

Yong Soo's last call. He pulled Leon up before Emil got to stop him.

'You're hurting him!' cried Emil.

'He's hurting himself!' argued Yong Soo.

Leon steadied himself on the bed. He shut his eyes and opened them again, just to make sure he was not dreaming. Then, he found himself in Yong Soo's room. He recognised those excessive posters of Korean pop stars on the wall, the disarrayed clothes and undergarments that roamed the place, accompanied by snack packages and wrappers. When he sat up, he saw himself in the mirror attached on Yong Soo's wardrobe. Hell, he looked awful. His eyes were sunken and his face was pallid as if he had been malnourished for years. His hair was soaked and his lips were dry.

'Thank God,' cried Emil. He tackled him into a bear hug. Leon didn't even have time to react before Yong Soo hollered, 'What's wrong with you? You crashed in here just to cut yourself? Seriously?'

Leon didn't hug Emil back. He was the last person he wanted to see at that moment. He covered his face in embarrassment and sighed.

Why didn't they let him die? He didn't have to wake up to confront the mess he had made.

'We almost called the ambulance,' said Emil. He grabbed Leon's shoulders apprehensively. 'What's going on? Why did you hurt yourself?'

'Can you just leave me alone?' requested Leon.

'No,' Emil rejected instantly. 'If Yong Soo hadn't called me, I wouldn't have known you're here. Lukas has been looking for you!'

'Tell us what's going on!' urged Yong Soo impatiently. He almost had a heart attack when he entered the bathroom and saw a tub full of blood. He had to dash to the tub and dug Leon out before he drowned. When he carried Leon out of the tub, his wrist was bleeding incessantly. Blood kept gushing out. If Leon hadn't been breathing then, Yong Soo would've deemed him dead. He almost cried.

He called Emil right away.

'Sorry,' mumbled Leon expressionlessly. 'But can you, like, let me rest? I'm…really tired.'

'We can't help you if you don't tell us the problem,' insisted Emil. He leaned closer to Leon. 'Please. We don't want to see you like this.'

'I'm fine.'

'You're not!' shouted Yong Soo. 'Why do you keep lying to us? You're not fine at all. You're messed up. You're hurting yourself and we need to know why! We're friends. Don't you trust us?'

'It has nothing to do with you,' said Leon plainly. 'It's my issue.'

'It has something to do with Lukas, right?' asked Emil. Leon looked away and shook his head. No, he had to endure it. He couldn't cry in front of Emil.

'He's looking for you,' said Emil. 'I should tell him you're here-'

'No,' interrupted Leon. 'Don't ever do that.'

'Something's happened between you and Lukas and you're not telling me!'

'Because it doesn't concern you!' cried Leon and it hurt when he lifted his left hand. The bandages were stained with his blood.

'We need to get you to the hospital,' said Yong Soo.

'No.' Leon flailed his arms and pushed Yong Soo away. 'Leave me alone.'

Emil smacked him. Right across the face.

It stung. Even more so when the tears rolled down his cheeks. He curled up his body and hugged his knees, burying his face into the blanket.

'Please, leave.'

And if he had lifted his face, he would have seen that Emil was weeping.

He blamed himself for this. Everything started when he rejected Leon's confession. If he hadn't been asexual, if he had gone out with Leon, maybe none of these would have happened. Leon wouldn't have dated Arthur. He wouldn't have got dumped. He wouldn't have got into the whole compensated dating business and forsaken himself. He wouldn't have met Lukas and got into fights with him. He wouldn't have hurt himself to quell the pain only to bring more agony to himself.

If he had been able to love Leon, to protect him, to make him happy…

They wouldn't be facing each other in the same room with tears of regret and misery now.

Why.

'I'm, like, truly sorry, Emil,' mumbled Leon, his voice hardly audible as he kept his face hidden in the blanket. 'I know you're worried, but…but this is my fault. I need to, like, get through it myself. I'll solve it eventually. I just, like, need some time to heal. Can you-'

Leon looked up and wiped off his tears. He forced a smile on his face. Emil hated it when he was trying to act tough. He was nowhere near tough. So much of boasting about his Kung Fu and fighting skills. His heart was as fragile as a glass figurine. It broke upon a slight crush. Into a thousand pieces and Emil always had to pick them up; glue them back together and reassure him that everything would be fine.

When Emil hugged him, Leon felt himself sinking deeper into the abyss. He was hopeless. He always had to be rescued by someone. This time, it hurt even more because Emil's arms felt exactly like Lukas's.

The same warmth. The same scent. The same beating heart.

They were brothers. Their feelings were connected. They messed with the same boy.

And Leon had fallen for both of them. What a fool.

'Tell me what's wrong with you and Lukas,' said Emil, his voice softened and sweet. 'Then I'll consider not telling him where you are.'

Instead of shoving him away, Leon clung to Emil. He was ineluctably drawn to his scent, to his warm chest and the heart that seemingly only raced for him.

'We broke up,' said Leon. 'No, I, like, broke up with him.'

Yong Soo sighed and sat down on the floor.

Emil tightened his arms around Leon and nodded.

'Understood,' he said. 'I'll fix it for you. Now you sleep.'

He let go of Leon and laid him down. He changed his bandages and asked him not to move too much.

Leon wasn't sure what he meant by 'fixing it' for him, but he was running out of energy. He felt dizzy and worn out. When Emil draped the blanket on him, he tugged on his sleeve.

'Don't tell him.'

'Okay,' promised Emil. 'Night, bae.'

(22) Company

'So, what're we supposed to do?' asked Yong Soo as he walked out of the room with Emil.

Emil pondered for a while before looking sternly at the Korean boy.

'I'll talk to Lukas,' he said. 'You stay here and make sure he doesn't cut himself or do whatever shit that kills him, okay?'

'Is it gonna fix anything at all?' sighed Yong Soo. He was a little pissed that he got dragged into this. He had seen Leon smile so frequently before Emil decided to turn him down. First it was Emil. Then Arthur. Now Emil's brother.

Everyone Leon had gone out with was some sort of an 'asshole' in Yong Soo's opinion. Of course, he wouldn't say this in Emil's face. Leon cared so deeply for this boy he allowed no such insults to be thrown at him. He would rather bear the humiliation himself.

And Yong Soo admitted that he, himself, was an 'asshole' too. He had messed with tons of people and most recently, a drop-dead gorgeous girl from Belarus who had vowed to murder him if he took it as a fling. He was hiding from some gangsters at the moment.

'Look, Emil,' said Yong Soo as he walked Emil to the door. 'I don't get the whole relationship thing between you and Leon and that brother of yours, but can you just fucking fix this as soon as possible? He's my friend. Actually, we're sworn brothers so I honestly don't wanna see any more of his blood da-ze. He doesn't need to be hurt twice by the same person.'

'I got it,' said Emil. He put on his shoes and stepped out of the apartment. 'I'll see what I can do. You're not the only one who cares, jerk.'

Yong Soo rolled his eyes. He slammed the door and brooded over the idea of throwing a party. Perhaps that might cheer Leon up a little.

He quickly grabbed his phone and texted all his buddies. Only Alfred and Matthew agreed to come, as expected. At least, Alfred was bringing along one of his friends, Kiku and Matthew said he would come with Gilbert.

Shortly after his message was sent, a series of knocks came on the door. Yong Soo invited the guests in and shushed them. They inquired about Leon's well-being and Yong Soo explained to them that the boy was going through some trouble. They all glanced at Yong Soo curiously but didn't delve into the matter with probing questions.

'Why don't you help me clean this place first and we decorate the room and prepare the food before he wakes up?'

'Dude, is that why you called us here?' Alfred whined, crossing his arms with a pout. 'To clean your freaking dirty place?'

'Quiet, Alfie,' reminded Matthew. 'Didn't Yong Soo just say Leon's asleep?'

Gilbert suddenly bounced down the corridor, apparently having popped his head into Yong Soo's room. 'Yeppie, he's fast asleep!'

'Sh!' Matthew dragged Gilbert to the middle of the sitting room and instructed him to clear the garbage on the floor.

'I'll set up the video games,' suggested Kiku. He unpacked his bags and took out some game consolers, accidentally dropping a couple of porn magazines and hentai DVDs. Alfred made a gagging noise before Matthew smacked him upside the head.

Kiku quickly stuffed the DVDs back into his bag and blushed immensely. Yong Soo made a grimace.

'Kiku…you surprise me sometimes,' added Gilbert.

'They're for Francis,' justified Kiku. 'Please don't misunderstand.'

'We can still watch them, right?' asked Alfred.

Matthew clamped his hand over his mouth.

'Go clear the toilet, Alfie.'

(23) Search

Lukas broke into Leon's apartment with the extra key. He basically turned the place upside down. Leon must have anticipated this because he had packed his stuff and left.

'Damn it,' cursed Lukas as he kicked the coffee table. He hadn't felt this indignant in a while. The feeling of wanting to destroy every piece of furniture, summoning all the demons from hellfire and experimenting with all kinds of voodoo only happened once- that was when he found Mathias messing with Alfred and Gilbert. Now he felt a brand-new kind of rage, not towards Leon, but towards whatever that ruined their relationship.

Leon hadn't told him the entire truth. He didn't even know the cause.

All this time, he thought he owned Leon but then the boy slipped away just as easily as he barged into his life.

Lukas was frustrated with himself. How did he let this happen?

'Brother?'

That voice calmed him. It always had this magical power to comfort him. In his absolute despair, Lukas turned around, coming face to face with Emil.

'I figured you'd be here,' said Emil.

He didn't say another word. He just scurried towards Lukas and embraced him. He did the same when Lukas broke down after quarrelling with Mathias. Lukas was swearing, yelling, sobbing and tossing things around. Emil called out to his brother and Lukas stood still. When he hugged him, he returned his hug and mumbled an apology.

'I'm sorry,' apologised Lukas. He hugged Emil back more tightly. 'Something happened between me and Leon. I'm not even sure what's wrong.'

'I know,' said Emil understandingly. 'That's why I'm here- to help you figure it out.'

Lukas felt much calmer after hearing Emil's words. They sat down on the couch and Emil began to ask him questions. Lukas told him what he knew and how Leon's mood changed drastically in the hotel before he bolted out furiously.

'Did I scare him?' Lukas frowned and then decided it shouldn't have been the cause. 'Did I do something wrong?'

'Gosh,' sighed Emil. 'Did you just say you bumped into Vladimir and Arthur in the hotel?'

'Yea,' explained Lukas. 'I was grabbing some mid-night snack from the restaurant. Seems like they had a party in the hotel with other members from the Magic Club.'

'I thought you quit.'

'I did,' said Lukas. They all knew what happened during his fight with Mathias. He summoned a spirit and it still lingered in the house. At least, it was harmless and was pretty much a goofy troll.

'Lukas, listen,' said Emil seriously. 'I should've told you this earlier. Leon and Arthur used to date each other.'

Lukas stared at him incredulously.

'He didn't tell you this?' asked Emil nervously.

'That bastard.'

'I thought you know everything about him,' said Emil. 'I mean, you stalked him before you went on the first date with him, right?'

'That's on the compensated dating app,' said Lukas in an irritated tone. 'And you hide everything from me on Facebook. His Facebook only shows his prank videos and silly ass puns. Not to mention that his instagram is full of his selfies and materialistic snaps. Get a life, you two. I'm freaking mad now.'

Emil held back a chuckle. Lukas was back to normal.

'Bro, I'm serious,' said Emil. He looked at Lukas with pleading eyes. 'It didn't end that well- I mean, the thing between him and Arthur. And seeing you with Arthur might have caused a…um…'

'Fucking misunderstanding,' grunted Lukas. He crossed his legs and growled, 'He thinks I had a bet with Arthur. Do I honestly look like the brutal type who messes around with people's hearts for a pointless bet?'

'You do, frankly speaking.'

Lukas sighed and covered his face with his hands. 'God, Emil, I'm so mad. So mad at myself. I didn't want to dig out his past because it doesn't really matter to me. I don't care who he once was, who he has been, whom he has dated and confessed to. I'm seeing the present him. He's got to know this.'

'Um... it does look like he's living as if there's no tomorrow,' said Emil. 'But then, when I come to think of it, he probably lives extravagantly to forget stuff. He's been dwelling on the past all along. Tomorrow doesn't matter to him because he could probably-'

At this point, Emil didn't want to say what he feared the most.

Leon would hurt himself because he didn't care about the future. He had no intention to face it at all. All the regrets and mistakes from the past had been restraining him, trapping him in a cage. He was unable to free himself, to let go or to fly at all.

The first rope started with Emil.

'Emil,' said Lukas in a low voice. He gazed at the ground through the gaps between his fingers. 'Where is Leon?'

This was probably the first time Lukas ever used such a serious, interrogative tone to talk to him. Emil knew that the feeling Lukas claimed to have had to be true and sincere.

But a promise was a promise.

'I don't know.'

And Emil was willing to lie for Leon because he knew Leon would do the same.

'You're lying.'

Yet, Lukas, sharp as he was, would always unravel the truth.

'Emil.'

Lukas placed his hands on Emil's shoulders. His gaze softened, his voice gentle and tired. 'You know where he is, right?'

Emil nodded.

'Safe?'

Emil tilted his head.

'Sort of.'

'What does that mean?'

'He's really depressed at the moment, Lukas,' said Emil. He recalled the horrendous sight of Leon inflicting pain on himself; the blood that seeped through his fresh slits and the ghostly expression he made with his pasty face. 'I'm not sure if it's ever a good idea for you to…you know…'

'I got it.'

Lukas nodded. Much to Emil's surprise, his brother didn't persist. Instead, he looked rather relieved and sober.

'My bad,' sighed Lukas. 'I'll see him when he feels better. I think he confides in you. I'm not gonna make you break your promise to him.'

'What're you planning to do?' asked Emil.

Lukas stood up and stretched his arms. He ran his fingers through his uncombed hair and shrugged.

'Get a hot bath, some sleep and probably look for that idiot on my own.'

Emil stood up and followed his brother out of Leon's apartment.

'Are you sure?'

'Can you do me a favour?' asked Lukas. He held Emil's hand as they left the building together. 'Go and check up on him. See if he's alright. Stop him from doing crazy shit and well, if you have a chance, tell him I didn't have a fucking bet with Arthur. He's just a friend, damn it. And I'm most uninterested in his past love life. Thank you.'

Emil laughed and nodded his head enthusiastically.

'That's my lil' brother.' Lukas ruffled his hair and kissed his forehead.

(24) Vindication

Four days after Leon had cut himself in the tub, his wounds began to clot. He made a mental note to himself that he ought to slice even deeper next time, with a knife, a cutter or whatever that could pierce his flesh and bone.

Yong Soo's party rolled on as everyone was taking their semester break then. The boys didn't pressure Leon or ask him excessive questions. They watched movies, played board and video games, had a feast every day. Sometimes, Gilbert would volunteer to dance while Alfred rapped. Matthew had fun singing karaoke even though his voice was barely audible. Kiku entertained everyone with the latest anime he had downloaded from the internet and the erotic manga he drew.

Yong Soo asked Leon to stop worrying and thinking altogether.

One day, Yong Soo came back with an awful bruise on his left cheek. He had been chased by a couple of gangsters who ambushed him in the alleyway. When asked how he ever provoked them, he only shrugged and grumbled.

'I'm never going out again!' he cried.

'But we're lacking food,' said Alfred.

'I'll go get some,' offered Leon.

'No, you must stay,' said Matthew.

'I'm well enough to walk,' insisted Leon. He needed to leave the apartment. He wanted some fresh air and then perhaps he would know his next step. Emil dropped by a few times but he never stayed long. He told Leon that Lukas had never had a bet with Arthur. Leon wasn't sure if he ought to believe that. Deep down, he realised that Emil was being honest, but the fear of getting disappointed, let down and hurt prevented him from calling Lukas. And he wouldn't go back to his own apartment because he knew Lukas would be wandering outside, waiting for him.

'When you've got your heart broken three times, you wouldn't ask for the fourth time.'

That was what he told Emil.

He was scared; scared of hurting himself again; of worrying everyone around him; of making Emil cry.

Most of all, he was scared of hurting Lukas. He already did. From Emil's tone, he could tell that the boy was trying his best to keep his word to Leon while witnessing all the suffering and emotional breakdown his own brother had to go through.

People should just stop being near him. Nothing good ever came out of him.

Nothing.

Matthew accompanied him to the supermarket. He tried to give Leon some optimistic talks, stuff like life had to go on and there was always hope etc. Leon didn't really listen intently to him. He kept his eyes on the road, his hands jammed tightly in his pockets and his head occupied by his favourite pop song.

When they were inside the store, Matthew went over to the aisle full of snacks while Leon stayed near the ice-cream section.

Ice-cream.

Damn it. Everything he saw interrupted the song in his head. They had to bring images of Lukas to his vision. They had ice-cream once. An ice-cream truck parked on the road and they happened to walk past it. Lukas said he would like some melon. He gave Leon chocolate because it matched his hair colour. No, because he said chocolate could cheer someone up. He complained about the sore face Leon always made when they were together. He wanted to see him smile, like he did in front of Emil.

Lukas's jealousy was like chocolate. Dark yet sweet. It convinced Leon that he was constantly being loved, noticed and watched by someone.

'Hey!'

Leon was lost in his thought he barely noticed the boy waving fervently at him.

'Yo there, cutie!'

Leon grunted and looked up. It was that boy with fangs he saw the other night. He was in a different outfit today but he still had that eccentric top hat on. He dressed like a goth from mid-century. His face was almost translucent, even paler than Lukas's or Emil's. His eyes were large. Who the hell wore red contacts? Leon squinted and examined those fangs, wondering if they were real or fake. On a closer look, his hair was a strawberry kind of brown. He didn't come alone. Another boy with black hair and green eyes was standing next to him for a second and the next moment he had drifted off to the juice section.

'Yea, remember me?' The brown-haired boy giggled. 'We met in the hotel lounge.'

'Uh, yea,' acknowledged Leon. He was still staring at his ruby eyes.

'Nice hair, by the way,' said the boy. 'I immediately recognised you from the back! Oh, I'm Vladimir.'

'Leon,' muttered Leon as he politely took the hand Vladimir offered and shook it.

'Out on a shopping spree?' Vladimir laughed. 'Did you come with Lukas?'

'No,' said Leon nervously. He didn't want to discuss Lukas, but he was talking to one of his friends.

'Oh, oh, did you fall out? You left in a hurry that night,' said Vladimir. 'Sorry if we interrupted something.'

'No, no, it's fine.'

'I'm glad he's actually dating someone,' said Vladimir, rubbing his chin contemplatively. 'And where on earth did he get someone this adorable by the way? This is so unfair.'

Leon frowned. The boy was leaning too close to him. Their faces almost came in contact. Leon reflexively stumbled backward. 'Woah, actually, Lukas and I are-'

'He was such a nerd and loner in freshman year,' said Vladimir with a laugh. 'So damn gloomy we were all intimidated by his magic.'

'Magic?'

'Yea,' added Vladimir. 'He knew plenty of spells so don't ever make him use one on you. Oh, maybe he's already used one. He used to have a book on love spells or something.'

'So, you were his classmate?'

'Didn't he tell you that?' exclaimed Vladimir. 'Geez, he probably doesn't talk much about us anyway. We used to hang out a lot. We were in this Magic Club together but he quit in the second year. Arthur is a member too. You know Arthur? The other guy we were chatting with that night.'

Of course, Leon knew Arthur. How could he forget such a subtle detail? Arthur had been into some eerie stuff like magic and curses as well.

He was the vice-president of the Magic Club.

'Lukas used to be the president but then he quit and he passed the role to me!' Vladimir kept talking, feeding Leon details of Lukas's past school life. 'Man, his magic is totally invincible. You should see some of his tricks. I'm still learning much from him and you know, he can talk to fairies and summon a troll!'

Now the conversation was heading nowhere. Leon began to feel chills all over his body. Vladimir reminded him strongly of a living vampire, and a rather talkative, exceptionally sociable one. When his black-haired companion was back, Leon heaved a sigh of relief. He missed the rest of Vladimir's words.

'Let's go, babe,' whispered the black-haired boy. He planted a soft kiss on Vladimir's cheek.

'You got the blood?' asked Vladimir, which further sent a shiver down Leon's spine. When he peeped at the carton of tomato juice Vladimir's partner was holding, he furrowed his brows.

'Sweet!' Vladimir tittered elatedly before waving at Leon. 'See ya later, cutie dorkie. Give my regards to Lukas, by the way!'

Leon stared at Vladimir speechlessly. Did he just call him a dork?

'Leon, we're heading back,' said Matthew as he appeared behind him with a trolley full of groceries. 'You alright? Were you talking to a friend just now?'

Leon didn't reply him. All he could think about was what happened in the hotel that night, how he lashed out at Lukas and shoved him away, all because of one unnecessary, foolish misunderstanding.

Lukas had never intended to mess with him.

He and Arthur were friends. Old classmates. Club committee members from the freshman year.

And he thought they had had a bet.

'Shit,' muttered Leon.

'Are you alright, Leon?' asked Matthew.

Leon looked down at the ground, covering his mouth with his hand as he quavered in shame.