SAYING GOODBYE

We didn't really plan for this chapter to be posted so close to Father's Day but here it is, Shara's chance to speak to the man who raised her to the best of his ability. He made his mistakes along the way but he always loved his baby girl. ~ by D.K.

…

"Father?"

The broken man on the med center bed startled awake and tried to look around as much as the apparatus arching over his chest would allow. "Shara, my girl, was that your voice I heard?"

She choked back a sob. "Yes, father, I'm here."

"Well, come where I can see you." He waved her towards himself.

She walked forward and took his hand in both of hers. She couldn't speak, however, she was afraid she would start crying.

"Here's my girl." He smiled at her, but he looked so helpless and broken lying there.

The weight of her emotions crashed over her. Shara bent over him and pressed her forehead against his cheek. It was as close as she could come to embracing him with all the machinery in the way. "Oh Father, I'm so sorry! I should have been here. I should have been with you. I should have been making those deliveries."

"No. No, my girl. Shh…" he shushed her and smoothed her hair back with his hand. He touched the necklace, strands of red stones arranged to look like writhing serpents and the seven red stone pendants that resembled serpents heads. It was still clasped around her neck giving the appearance that her throat had been cut.

Shara couldn't remove it fast enough now that she remembered it was there. She set it distastefully away from herself on the bedside table.

"You finally made up your mind to get away from that Rash character. I wouldn't have had you stay in Iziz with him for all the stars in the Galaxy."

"I should never have gone behind your back and married him." she leaned back a little, shaking her head. "I knew you didn't like him. I was sure you'd tell me not to do it."

"I'm not going to argue with you there." He agreed. Then he studied her. "How are those Blackwells treating you?"

"The Lord and Lady, Marlon and Lana, are wonderful. They've taken me in and dropped everything to bring me down here. They even left their sweet little baby girl up at the Hold so they could…"

"And the younger one?" Father interrupted her impatiently. "The second son?"

She didn't know how he knew and she couldn't quite meet his gaze as she whispered the name, "Jamos. But how did you know? I didn't think I had mentioned him."

"Commed me himself," he smiled. "Right after you'd left the Hold. Wanted to let me know you were coming." He was watching her for a reaction. "I thought he was a fine, considerate young man."

"He is very kind." Shara agreed. "He's an accomplished sea captain. His whole crew respects him."

"And you're in love with him?"

"Father!" She marched away from the bedside, arms crossed over her chest. "I can't be in love. I'm married to someone else. I said vows. I…"

"Shara." His voice was soft but it demanded her attention and obedience just as it had when she was a child.

"Yes, Father."

"Come back where I can see ye, Shara girl."

She did as she was bidden.

Kason Rupingwood reached out to hold his daughter's hand. "Was I invited to the wedding or did I give my permission for you to be married in my absence?"

"No, Father."

"Look at me, child." He sounded so frail just then.

She obeyed.

"I was…" he frowned, frustrated. "Disappointed when you gave yourself to that monster, because you are so much better than that. Your Jamos showed me the holo of…"

"Father, he's not my Jamos."

"Don't you interrupt me, young lady!"

"Yes, Father."

He repeated himself with a bit of a gleam in his eyes. "Your Jamos showed me the holo of fishing with those… what are they called?"

"Brylks! Oh Father, they're marvelous creatures! Bigger than any fambaa, but smart as a dalgos and they fly under the water like rupings in the sky!"

There was a hitch in his chest, the machine whirred to regulate his breathing, and Shara worried until she realized it was only a sob.

He gazed at her through welling eyes. "You looked just like your mother then, the way she'd get so excited anytime she learned something new. Gods I wish she could have seen how you've grown up. She would have been so proud of you. I'm so proud of you, Shara girl. I couldn't be more proud."

Her own tears were falling faster than she could wipe them away, but she didn't want to let go of her father's hand. "But I've disappointed you. I married a man who I never should have…"

"And all that will be set right. I have no doubt of it." The stubborn Rupingwood expression returned. "You've found a place where you truly belong and I won't see anything hold you back from making that place your home."

"Father, I…"

"No, I want you to listen, Shara girl. This is important!"

She nodded.

"Your in-laws have got me strapped to these machines. Now I am thankful that they've kept me alive long enough to see you and speak to ye one last time…"

"Father, no…"

"Are ye listenin' to me, Shara girl?"

She sobbed. "Yes, Father."

He patted her hand and reached up to touch her face and wipe away her tears. "I won't have them keepin' me alive just so they can keep ahold of you."

Shara shook her head. "I can't…"

"This isn't living, my girl. But I've gotten to see you and I'm ready to go be with your mother." He urged her. "I want you to turn off the machines and let me go."

"No, please! They'll fit you with something. You'll walk again, ride again! Please don't ask me..."

"Shara. I don't want to live like some half-droid abomination. I want you to remember me as I was. I know I wasn't perfect. Maybe I should have married again, given you a mother, but I did my best."

"I don't want to lose you," she cried, hugging him as best she could. "You're the best father anyone could ever ask for."

"And now I've done my job. You're all grown up." He pushed her back a bit to look into her face. "You don't know how hard it's been to stand back and watch you live your own life, make your own mistakes. But you're on the right track now. I can see that."

Shara could rival her father for stubbornness but right now she knew he was not to be disobeyed. "You let me go." It was an order. "You make a clean break from House Rash, and you make yourself a new life up north. Do you hear me?"

She didn't want to say it, but she nodded. "Yes, Father."

He pulled her close once more and then pressed the button to call for the med droid. Then while they waited her father said, "Tell me about the north, about your new home."

She knew he was trying to get her mind off the inevitable but she obliged. "I haven't really seen much more of it than the docks and Jamos's ship, it's called the Polaris, and Blackhold. But … I love it! It's so different from the jungle and the plains and the city! And Marlon and Lana have made me feel so at home. They named me as godmother of their little girl."

"Ah, I saw the little one when your young man commed me." He smiled.

She was going to contradict him again about calling Jamos hers but she decided to let it go. "Of course they said it couldn't really be official unless I was baptized in the light of the salt gods. You wouldn't mind, would you, Father? We never followed much of a religion when I was growing up."

"If it brings you peace, then you can make your own decisions about that."

She nodded. "I believe I will then, Father. I'll make a totally new start."

…

Shara hardly knew where she was or what was happening as Mina welcomed her into the Bonteris' home. She was told that she would be staying here while arrangements were being made for her father's burial and as long as she needed to stay after it was over. The Blackwells were staying here as well.

She would be eternally grateful for all the help and support of both families but she couldn't remember if she had actually been able to articulate the words to say thank you. She walked around in a daze, hardly believing that her father was gone.

Sanjay had come by to see her and had left angrily again when he was told she didn't want to see him. It was insult enough that she hadn't come home to the Rash estate. Being shut out on the doorstep was humiliating.

She heard him yelling all the way from the guest room. She laid on the bed and put a pillow over her head to block out the sound. Then she must have cried herself to sleep.

Some time later she was awoken by Mina Bonteri's soft motherly voice. "Shara, there's someone on the comm for you. I told him you were resting but he'd very much like to speak with you."

Shara was sure her eyes must be red and her hair a mess. "If it's Sanjay I…"

"It's not Mr Rash."

Shara thought and then made another guess. "Bremon? Lana said it would be better if I didn't…"

Mina almost smiled, "It isn't Mr Kira, either."

"Jamos!" she was up out of bed in a moment and looking for a hair brush and washbasin. Then she figured he wouldn't care. He'd kissed her when her hair was windblown and she was wearing handed down fishing leathers.

"So you want me to show you the way to the comm room?" Mina asked, amused.

Shara nodded, trying to calm herself. "Please."

When she entered the room Marlon was speaking to his brother about the running of the Hold. The younger assured the older that everything was as smooth as the windless sea, but Marlon sounded as if he wished he could be there himself just to make sure and Jamos sounded like he was bored to tears. They both went quiet when she walked into the holo field and gave a small curtsey.

"My Lord. Captain." She addressed them formally.

Then Marlon wrapped an arm around her and squeezed. "What are we going to do to convince this girl that she's part of the family?"

Jamos gave her a concerned smile from the holo projection. He didn't offer a joking comment as he normally would have. "Shara…" he began but then he stopped as if he didn't know quite what to say.

Marlon backed towards the door. "I'll just let the two of you have a moment, shall I?"

Shara heard the door close behind her as he left.

"They told me about your father." Jamos began again. "Shara, I am so sorry."

The tears pricked at her eyes and she swept one away with her hand. "Thank you…I was able to talk to him, be with him when…" She breathed in sharply with a sob and then tried to press on. "He said he spoke to you, that you commed him to tell him that I was on my way. Thank you."

"It was an honor to meet the man who raised so strong a daughter."

She didn't feel very strong at the moment. She sobbed again and a few more tears escaped and rolled down her cheeks. She closed her eyes and pressed her hand to her mouth and when she opened them and turned her gaze back to Jamos. He looked as though he wanted to jump right through the holo to be at her side. She struggled to keep her voice level. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Anything!" he said without hesitation.

"My - my pay for the voyage. You said that the amount would depend on the quality and quantity of the catch. It was a good catch, wasn't it?"

"Salt gods, it was the best I've seen in years!"

"Good." She gave a relieved sigh. "I wondered if you could have my share transferred here to the med center. Father said that my husband's family were covering things and I… don't want to be beholden to them." She swallowed and continued. "If you could send what I've earned so far and then…" She looked intently at him. "There is still time for another voyage or two this season? I'll gladly work off the rest."

"I'll take care of everything." He answered eagerly. "And there's plenty of time for another voyage. We'll set sail as soon as you return." He looked as if he couldn't wait to be out on the open water with her again. Truth be told she was looking forward to that as well.

"You showed Father that holo of me," she said almost too softly for him to hear.

Jamos shrugged. "I thought he'd like to see what an amazing job you'd done."

"He said he was proud of me." The tears came again but she smiled through them. "And he said he was glad I'd found a place where I could...belong."

"You do belong here." He answered with certainty and they stared at each other for a silent few seconds.

Then she wiped the tears from her cheeks and took a breath. "Are you taking good care of my goddaughter?" she asked as sternly as she could manage.

His eyes brightened with humor but his mouth turned down in a frown. "Well, I'm trying. But I think she prefers the wet nurse."

Shara burst out in a giggle and an honest smile.

"There it is. I was hoping I'd get to see that smile before I had to let you go. Shara, I… I miss you."

She was almost sure he was going to say something else. She was a little disappointed but she knew she couldn't say the words herself yet either. "I… should go. The faster I get things settled here, the sooner I can…"

"I said I'd be waiting." He reminded her.

She nodded. Then she said a word in Onderonian that was used for 'goodbye' but translated more along the lines of 'I'll be thinking of you till I see you again.'

He repeated the word and then she ended the comm with a sigh