LET IT BE

A little bit of insight into the beliefs and practices of the beast rider culture, for those who have respect enough to put the effort into learning about such things. By: DK

…

Shara wore her hair long and loose as was the tradition for female next of kin during the mourning period among the beast riders. The wind whipped it around her face, partially obscuring from her view the man who was escorting her. That was fine with her. She didn't really want to see her husband anyway.

To be fair, Sanjay had been a perfect gentleman since he had arrived at the Bonteris' that morning. He had offered her the necklace again but Shara had the convenient excuse that beast riders didn't wear jewelry while they were mourning. He hid the thing quickly away in his pocket so as not to cause offense.

She had forgotten how he could be almost charming when he wanted to be, when his mother wasn't around. Perhaps that was the whole point, an attempt to win her back without Mother Rash there to remind her why she wanted to leave in the first place.

They walked quietly in procession through the garden of tombs, the houses where the dead rested. She remembered when she was little, taking this walk with Father beside her. Mother was in the box that they followed that day. And in other boxes were other victims of the great sickness, the Dalgos Flu. Bremon had followed the boxes containing both of his parents, his uncle marching sedately beside him, towards the big House Kira tomb.

She remembered the young boy's face, void of emotion. She'd only learned later that Brem had spent the duration of the sickness quarantined on Dxun. While he was there, some sort of prophecy was said over him. He'd lost his parents and learned of the fate of his future child in a span of a few days and he was only a small child himself.

Shara couldn't help searching the crowd of mourners for him now. She had no idea if he'd even been told of her father's death. If even Melaana couldn't convince Brem to carry a comm link, it was hardly likely that he'd started carrying one in her absence. Shara just wished she could speak to him.

Then she heard a familiar cry. She looked up and saw Frayl the Ruping circling above. She sobbed and tears blurred her vision. He had come after all. It had been silly for her to look for him on the ground.

Beside her Sanjay gripped her hand a little tighter. She knew that he was also aware of the identity of the beast rider in the sky above them. His whispered comment however, surprised her. "It was good of him to come to say goodbye to your father. They knew each other didn't they?"

She froze for a moment in their procession and looked up at him. "Yes. My father was one of those who vowed to help care for him after his parents died." She told him.

Sanjay had never asked about her relationship with Bremon. She'd told him that Brem was like a brother when they were growing up, in response to his accusations that there was something more intimate going on between them, but he'd never seemed interested in hearing the truth.

He nodded now, respectfully, as he led her to continue up the path.

She looked ahead again towards the box that contained her father's remains. She couldn't say that it actually contained the man he had been. She had seen the light go out of his eyes after the machines keeping him alive had been turned off. That broken empty body was not him, not really.

Geb Gerrera was one of the men carrying the casket. As was Dane even though his family wasn't of the beast rider clans. Also the militiaman, Tandin. She remembered now he was some sort of a distant cousin on her mother's side.

Behind her somewhere in the procession was Edda Gerrera. Shara could hear her singing the funeral song of their people. Shara knew the words but she couldn't have made the sounds come from her throat without breaking down today.

Listening closer she heard little Saw singing along with his mother. She was teaching him their culture, how they said goodbye.

Fresh tears streamed down Shara's cheeks, but these weren't for her father. She'd always hoped that she might teach the old songs to her own children the way her mother and father had taught her.

She glanced up at Sanjay. His eyes were full of concern for her, the Rash eyes, Melaana's eyes, his mother's eyes. Before she had gone to live in the Rash estate she had hoped that maybe her children might have those eyes. After seeing the contempt directed at her for so many months from those eyes, however, looking into them now made her shiver.

"Are you well?" Sanjay asked. "Do you feel faint?"

She turned her gaze forward, away from those eyes. "No I- I'm fine."

Eventually the solemn procession reached the tomb that was etched with the name Rupingwood in the old runes. The pallbearers slid the casket into its niche and then they melted back into the crowd of mourners. Now was the time for Shara as the last living relative to step forward alone and close her father off from the living world for his eternal rest.

But as she stepped forward she wasn't alone. Sanjay, whether because he didn't understand the custom or because he had sworn not to leave her side, seemed to be stuck to her like glue.

"You don't…" she started to say to him softly.

He squeezed her hand. "I told you I would stand by you always," he whispered.

There were other voices whispering as well. It was unheard of for her not to approach the tomb alone but she couldn't stand here and argue with him. Why couldn't he have put some thought into what was going to happen today? A little research? Just asking someone what might be expected?

When Shara had started seeing Sanjay, and especially when they started discussing her becoming part of his family, she had found out as much about him and his family and about the rank and file of the society she was about to enter, as she could. The Rash family had been around for ages, though always on a lower rung of society than they had managed to climb in the last century. They were supporters of King Ommin and Queen Amanoa during the beast wars, whereas the Rupingwoods had always supported House Kira. But that was to be expected. And, Shara had thought, at the time she had read it, that it sounded a bit like the Bardic tragedy of the star-crossed lovers. She had hoped that she and Sanjay might have a happier ending like the real life Oron and Galia.

His mother's past was more mysterious. Her family name had been scrubbed out of all of the documents Shara could locate. She had seemingly come out of nowhere and became the Lady of a great house. Not that Shara cared about titles and such but she had actually admired the woman. She had told Sanjay so, that is before she gotten to know his mother. Every bit of the tenacity that had helped Sanda rise, had been set on keeping Shara down.

Well, Shara couldn't explain the custom to Sanjay now. The last lonely walk was supposed to be a silent one. The surviving next of kin were supposed to leave their worries and hopes and fears for the departed at the tomb as they no longer had need of them. With her husband walking along side her, Shara realized that she was also leaving behind her worries and hopes and fears for her marriage. In a way that was a great weight lifted off her shoulders.

Then she heard something. At first she thought it was in her own head. It was the tune to the old beast rider song, the Child loves his father. But it wasn't in her own head and anyone from the clans who knew that song would know that this time wasn't appropriate for such a thing. She turned her head with horror and looked at Sanjay. He was humming the tune, quietly, solemnly, but he couldn't know how much it hurt her to hear it right now on top of everything else.

"Stop it," she hissed at him.

He whispered back to her, "I thought it was one of your favorites. You sang it to me when… it was the happiest I've ever seen you. I only thought to comfort you by it."

"Just stop. Stop humming. Stop talking. It isn't the time or the place." She hurried on towards the tomb. It had been her hope to one day teach that song to her children to sing to their father, as her mother had taught it to her. Now it didn't matter. She would never give a child to the Rash family and even if she should someday marry again and by some miracle get pregnant, she would never sing that song again. She would leave that song here at the tomb. It was as dead to her as the father she had sung it to.

Shara placed her hand on her mother's name engraved in the stone. She had given a lot of thought as to what she would say to her parents and ancestors when she reached this point.

But then Sanjay put a hand on her shoulder and he was speaking again, "I'm sorry, Shara. I didn't know. I didn't realize…"

"Just go, please!"

Finally he seemed to get the point. He nodded and took a few steps back. But the moment had already been ruined.

The tears in her eyes now were tears of anger. She wanted to curse and scream. She had completely forgotten everything she planned to say.

Shara traced the letters with her fingers that spelled out 'Hadassa Cornel Rupingwood'. "Mother, I only wanted what you and Father had. How could I have gotten it so dreadfully wrong?" Then she traced the letters of her father's name. They had been etched at the same time as her mother's in preparation for this day. Only the date was new. She was glad they were back together now.

"Father, you said I should start over up north. I am going to try." She pressed the mechanism to shut the panel over the niche where her father's body was laid. "I leave my pain and worry behind these stones and go back to the living with hope for the future."

She looked at the other names, her grandparents, her great grandparents, but Father would be the last of his name to rest here. She had never asked where the Rash family laid their dead.

She wondered what the Blackwells did to honor the passing of a loved one. Father had told her that she could be baptized into their religion if she chose. If it brought her peace, he had said. On a sudden impulse Shara laid her thumb to her lips as she had seen Lana do when she prayed and then raised her hand palm out and whispered, "In the light of the salt gods." A sense of calm did settle over her and with it a memory of Jamos holding his niece and telling her that he would be waiting for her.

Then a hand came to rest on her shoulder and she jumped in surprise.

"Shara, I am sorry." Sanjay said softly. "I know I've mucked everything up. I know there's a way you wanted to go about things today and I've done it all wrong. Please forgive me."

"I do forgive you, Sanjay." The words came surprisingly easily to her. She didn't want to argue with him here but it wasn't just that. She was so tired of letting him control her happiness. From this moment he and his mother would no longer rule over her emotions.

"We were friends once, weren't we?" He asked, cautiously.

She nodded. "We were."

"Then," he screwed up his face as if it were difficult for him to express. "I'll let you go. But please…" he added and physically held on to her hands to keep her with him a little longer. "Have dinner with me? No strings attached, I - I promise. I know you have things to attend to tonight and tomorrow but the next day, have dinner with me and… and then I'll arrange for … our marriage to be…" he choked on the words.

"Oh Sanjay, thank you!" she barely refrained from hugging him.

He smiled sadly at her. "I'll let you finish." He stepped back from the tomb again giving her space.

Shara laid both her hands and her forehead against the cool stones. "Father, it's going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. Rest easy with Mother. I love you."

…

The sweet fragrance of the massive bouquet met Shara at the front door of the Bonteris' home before she had even made her way to the sitting room to see the riot of colorful blossoms that Jamos had ordered to be delivered for her.

Dane wondered how the delivery droid had managed to get them through the doorway. Marlon wondered how much lighter the Blackwell bank account was likely to be after the purchase of such a quantity of flora.

Shara paused a moment from enjoying the heady aroma to assure him that it couldn't have been that much. "They're all locally grown. My mother had a lot of these in her garden when I was a little girl. Aren't they beautiful? It was so sweet of him to think of this. Please don't be angry with him. He was only trying to do something nice for me."

"He's just teasing." Lana gave her husband a playful swat. "What he means is that it would have cost a fortune to ship something like this up to the Hold. Jamos probably couldn't help but go overboard at the local price."

"Can I comm him and tell him thank you?" Shara turned to Mina who was attempting to keep Lux from grabbing at the flowers and putting them in his mouth.

"Yes of course." Mina smiled. "Tell him we're all enjoying your beautiful gift."

Shara rushed to the comm room and as soon as his image appeared over the table (it didn't take long, as if he'd been waiting to hear from her) she immediately began to speak. "They're beautiful! Thank you so much!"

A warm grin spread over Jamos's face but his eyes still held concern for the sober goings on of the day. "I'm so glad you like them. I just wanted you to have something bright and alive today."

"It was exactly the right thing. So much though. You didn't have to…"

"I wanted to! I couldn't be there with you to make the procession to the tomb, stand and wait for you while you made the last lonely walk to the houses of the dead."

"You… you knew about that? I didn't think you followed the same traditions in the North."

"Well, no." He admitted. "We practice burial at sea. We give our loved ones back to the salt gods. But I knew that's not what you'd be doing today… I wanted to know more about what you believe in. So I looked it up."

Shara's hand flew in front of her mouth to prevent herself from crying out and a few tears spilled past her eyelashes.

"I'm sorry," said Jamos stepping forward as if he wanted to reach for her. "I'm sorry if that was weird or if I made you uncomfortable by saying…"

"No," she answered. "That's not it at all. What you did was very sweet. You put in a lot more effort than someone I could mention." Her annoyance at Sanjay's lack of consideration was plain in her tone. She only hoped that Jamos knew it wasn't directed at him.

He scowled. He knew. He was restraining himself from speaking his mind on the subject of her husband. She could tell.

"But in spite of everything," he said after a moment. "It was a good service? You were able to say your goodbyes?"

"Yes." She assured him. "I heard my friend Edda sing the funeral song. She was teaching it to her boy, Saw. And my friend Bremon flew over. I wasn't able to speak to him but it was good to know that he came."

"You said he was like your brother. He would want to be there to honor your father. I'm sorry you didn't get to at least say hello."

It was such a contrast. Sure, Sanjay hadn't minded seeing Brem show his respect from a klick above the proceedings. It would have been a completely different story if he had landed and offered his condolences. Gods forbid Brem actually give her a hug.

But she didn't see any of that jealousy in Jamos. And she was studying him rather intently, she realized. He was gazing at her as well.

Shara blushed and looked down at her clasped hands. Then she said quietly but with an undercurrent of unconcealable excitement, "He agreed to the annulment."

"He - you're serious? When?"

"Day after tomorrow." She smiled back up at him. "I still have to settle some of my father's business affairs, and pack , and…"

"But day after tomorrow!" He grinned. "And a couple of days sailing. You could be home by the end of the week!"

"Home." She repeated quietly.

Maybe he heard the bittersweet note in her voice or maybe he saw it in her holoimage. "I won't be able to get you flowers everyday when you're up here."

"Your brother said it was rather expensive to have them shipped."

He was working up to saying something more but she didn't realize it until she had already spoken herself. "Don't you have any sort of greenhouses in the North?"

"What's a green house?" He asked, amused, and allowed her to continue to direct the conversation.

She wondered a moment what he was going to say and then answered, "Well, it isn't really green. It's a sort of a building made of transparasteel. It lets sunlight and heat in and then keeps it from escaping back into the atmosphere. So, you can grow things there all year round."

"So you could have flowers everyday." He grinned.

She laughed. "Not only flowers, but fruits and vegetables and grain crops even, I suppose, if you had enough space."

He was interested now, not just in humoring her but in the actual idea. "You mean we could have fresh produce in the middle of the winter?"

Shara nodded. "It would take a little time to get it up and running, to get seedlings started and trees to take root. It might be a few seasons before we could expect any sort of a decent harvest…"

"I'll build it for you." He startled her out of her planning.

"Jamos, I…"

He smirked again, just as she was about to become too serious. "I probably won't have it done by the time you get here at the end of the week. I'll have to do some research, put some thought into it. But we'll do this, you and me! We'll make the Hold self sustainable!"

She laughed at his pride and confidence. And then reminded him. "Oh! But I do want to go on another fishing trip! You promised!"

"Of course! You won't even set foot on the dock. I'll swing you right over from my brother's ship to the Polaris and we'll be on our way!"

"I can't wait." Shara told him sincerely.

They stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds more and then he made a motion with his hands as if to shoo her away. "Well, go on. Get your business settling and packing and marriage annulling done so you can sail home."

She laughed. "I will."

"I'll see you soon."

She nodded and gave a little sigh. "Alright."

…

As her image faded from above the comm table, Jamos swallowed hard. Salt gods damn him, but he wanted that woman. He didn't only want her physically, although there was that. Let his thoughts paddle down that stream, however, and he'd need to throw himself in the cold northern sea. No, he wanted more. He wanted to make a life with her. He couldn't imagine any other course he would ever want to chart if she wasn't by his side.

He stroked his beard as he thought. They would build that greenhouse thing she was talking about. What an inspired idea! She was brilliant! And she would sail with him as his beast master on any voyage he would take in the foreseeable future.

There was one other thing he wanted to do for her now though and there wasn't much time if she would be here by the end of the week. He clapped his hands and rubbed them together, mind made up. Then he left the comm room and marched purposefully down the hall, calling out to his niece's nurse. "Pack Dalla's things! We're going to take her out on a little excursion!"

The woman came briskly out of the baby's room. "Are you sure that's a good idea, Captain Jamos? She's just gotten over her cold and what will the Lord and Lady say?"

"We're not going to tell them." He grinned. "Besides it's not a full deep sea voyage I'm thinking of, just a little day trip up to Harkon Hall . We'll be back long before Marlon and Lana are anywhere near the Hold."

He watched with a little grin as the nurse went with a shake of her head to do her acting lord's command. Then he returned to the comm room and activated the table with a saved ID. He fidgeted impatiently while he waited for an answer.

Soon but not soon enough for Jamos, the image of Marlon's best and oldest friend (other than the brothers themselves) materialized over the table.

"Jamos!" Glover Harkon laughed. "That brother of yours still off sampling the sunnier climes? Everything's well at the Hold, I presume?"

"Aye, all is well. I have it on good authority that they could be back by the end of the week."

"Good. Good. I'm sure Lana will be glad to be reunited with her daughter. And you have a beast master coming on the return voyage, am I correct?" his eyes twinkled with amusement.

"I do." Jamos wondered how much of the story had gotten around the northern houses. Not that he particularly minded as long as they were all saying good things about Shara. He wouldn't have anyone speak ill of her. "Actually that's the reason I commed. Please tell me I'm not imagining I heard that there was a litter of norcog pups up at your place not long ago?"

"There was." Glover concurred. "They're out of the pouch, they've opened their eyes, and they're actually ready to leave their mother. You weren't thinking of picking one up for your niece before her parents can object to having a pet?"

"Hey that's not a bad idea." Jamos smirked. "But no. This would be for someone else. She's just lost her father and has to leave behind some pets of her own…"

"You think she's ready for a norcog? You know they start out small but it'll be almost as big as a dalgos before it's done growing."

"She can handle herself around a dalgos." Jamos remembered the holo and how he'd seen her in action with his own eyes leading the Brylks. "Just wait till you meet her."

Lord Harkon couldn't help but see that the younger man was in love. "Well, if that's the case…"

"I'd like to come, and pick one out so I can give it to her when she arrives."' Jamos interrupted him.

"You're not thinking of leaving Dalla at the Hold while you…" Glover started to ask knowing that his friend would never approve.

"Nah, I'll bring her with me. Adria hasn't seen her yet, has she? I doubt your good lady wife would forgive me if I didn't introduce her to the newest Blackwell."

Glover shook his head. "Well it's your neck. Shall we expect you for dinner tomorrow?"

…

Thank you for reading and Starwarshobbitfics for your review! I mentioned Bremon Kira and the prophecy about his child in this chapter. For more info about that and Melaana Rash and more of the history of Sanjay and Shara, check out my story, The Ashla Awareness. ~ DuchessKenobi