Chapter forty-nine: Mae
"Mother."
I wasn't mistaken. It was the person who had given birth to him who Gaara spoke of. It was in an unusual context, during a fight with Sasuke. The final battles of the Exams. A test to determine if one had the qualifications to become Chunin, the next notch in the shinobi rankings.
Peculiar, I thought.
The crowd was a vortex of confused chatter that rung in my ears. They had been anticipating this battle for hours. Now that they have it, they didn't know what to make of it.
"Mother?" I could hear Ino snort. "Who would be calling for their mother at a time like this?" Even though Ino sat several rows back, her booming voice couldn't be mistaken.
"Maybe he's scared and wants to run home to his ma-ma," Choji spoke through mouthfuls. "I mean, I would be scared too if I was fighting someone like Sasuke."
"That's true!" Ino exclaimed. "No one can beat my Sasuke!"
Besides Ino and Choji, sat Lee, Sakura, Gai and Kakashi-sensei.
"Would you be quiet?" Sakura complained.
Even as I leaned against the railing with my back towards them, I knew Ino was giving Sakura her usual look of disgust. I never understood their relationship. Childhood best friends who hated each other on account of their love quarrel over Sasuke. Yet, they sat besides one another cheering for the boy they both loved since a time when they were too young to understand what love was. Their complicated relationship stung my bruised heart.
Was it possible to remain friends when you both are in love with the same person?
"You're just jealous that he's mine, Billboard Brow," Ino spat.
Sakura, who usually needed little ammunition to start a war, remained silent.
"Mother," Gaara repeated, this time grabbing his head, preventing his inner demons from spilling onto the battleground. We all had them, demons that slither into your subconscious uninvited, one way or another.
It wasn't the context; however, that threw me closer. What the crowd and the crew couldn't understand, I knew perfectly clear because I felt the same way.
Gaara shook. "Earlier… I know… I made you taste such awful blood. I'm sorry."
It wasn't fear of his opponent, it was fear of his own mother.
I could see both of my parents from here, the opposite side of the arena. My parents along with the rest of our local community sat in close knit with their sole reason was to watch me, not the Hyuuga clan, not the Uchiha clan, but me.
I could be sitting with them. They would comfort me, speak kind words how it wasn't my fault that my opponent forfeited and commend me for getting this far.
Too bad that would never happen in a million years.
My parents had looks of disgust. They knew this was one less battle which showcases my abilities for the Kages. If there wasn't enough data to judge from, I couldn't become Chunin.
My community were as close to a cult one could get. They pretended to care about the Leaf village, being goodly neighbors, doing community service and volunteer work. But it was all a facade. Even now, the only reason why they haven't left the arena after my epic failure was because this was a battle everyone was waiting for. If they left, they would look suspicious.
All that truly concerned my parents and the community was the members within our non-titled cult. We were firm followers of Darwinism. The strong would rise while the weak were weeded out, indefinitely. I would know because I have experienced it for the full twelve years of my life.
My father's punishments were simple, a slap to the face or a punch to the gut and it was over. His language was transparent. Calling me useless, pointless or the only word that would bother me- stupid. He liked to compare me to the neighbors and how I wasn't even in their realm of ranks.
"A sacrificial desire…. for mother," Gaara spoke with chills.
It was my mother who was creative with punishments. The psychological ones were her personal favorite; trapping me in a genjutsu or a literal closet. She already warned me with a pre-punishment if I were to fail them.
My parents were masters in the art of slashing invisible scars.
All because I wasn't the best. If I didn't become Chunin, I was nothing to them. I wasn't accepted; I so desperately wanted to be accepted.
Gaara's sand swarmed around him, buzzing like angry bees. The static was calming, soothing white noise that eventually lulled his tremors.
"Come on," he beckoned Sasuke, regaining courage.
As ordered, Sasuke threw shurikens which were caught by Gaara's sand clone. It was a suitable distraction for Sasuke to use taijutsu and zip behind Gaara. Before Gaara could counterstrike, the Uchiha's fist rammed into his cheekbone.
"Is that all you got?" Sasuke questioned as his punch sent Gaara soaring across the arena. Gaara slowly stood with a clear crack running down the side of his face, his sand armor damaged.
His Sharingan has gotten stronger since the last time I witnessed him use it- during the Preliminaries against the Leaf nin, Kabuto. The ability for the Sharingan to copy another's jutsu was a powerful gift. It was amazing Quorra now possessed such a gift.
"You two accomplished this training at such intensity in a mere month," Gai-sensei spoke with a questioning tone.
"I simply had him imagine Lee's movement and copy it," Kakashi-sensei explained. "He had to work very hard to master it and was only able to do so because he knew Lee."
Working very hard was an understatement. It wasn't as straightforward as that to build stamina. From limit recovery time to training your lungs to be able to expand and fill with more oxygen- a lot of power was needed in order to maintain that level of strength. It was a simple equation. More stamina equalled more power which meant more extreme conditions. It takes months for a shinobi to build stamina. Now add taijutsu movements to a non-taijutsu experienced shinobi...
It wasn't impossible, but it was impressive. However; there had to be a catch. Fighting with taijutsu alone won't cut it. Kakashi-sensei had something else up his sleeves for Sasuke.
But what? I thought.
Sasuke ran furiously around Gaara with winds and speeds strong enough to create a tornado. With these natural phenomenons reaching a minimum speed of 70mph, Sasuke made Usain Bolt look slow.
Gaara's sand began its countermeasure. Long tentacles of sand rose from the ground, circling above him and pitching together at the highest peak. The tentacles flattened, closing all gaps.
Sasuke understood Gaara's intentions and raced to the last opening, but even his taijutsu couldn't make it in time as the sand closed the final gap. As a result, a perfect bubble of sand, an armadillo shell separated Gaara from Sasuke. He tried to throw a punch at the sand armor, but was welcomed by an army of sand spikes.
"Well, he's fucked," his deep tone surprised me.
Kiba.
"Where have you been?" I asked with soothing words, despite my desire to nag him for ditching me.
Something was off about him. Like an animal, the hair on the back on his neck stood on end. His expression was fixed in permanent animosity.
"Kiba?" I began, placing my hand on his which gripped the balcony railing like he was trying to suffocate a snake.
"What?" he barked, vicious, rabid. I drew my hand back as if I touched a hot stove.
My shock drew him out of his angry trance. His eyes softened but didn't respond.
"Kakashi- sensei!" Naruto yelled, catching the attention of Kiba, myself and the rest of the crew.
"What is it, Naruto?" Kakashi-sensei asked, not amused that his student was disturbing the atmosphere.
"Sensei, please. You have to stop this match right away!" Naruto waved his arms frantically.
"What?" his sensei responded with a tone that mimicked a mother who could tell when their child was lying.
Naruto was annoyed by his sensei's casualness. "The guy Sasuke is fighting is completely different than the rest of us. He's about as far as normal as you can get!" Naruto's distress was beginning to draw attention from the surrounding crowd.
"Slow down," Ino rolled her eyes. "What are you trying to say?"
"He thinks his point in life is to kill people. Don't you see? If this continues, Sasuke will die!" Naruto was on the point of hysteria. I never seen him this worked up, and that's saying something.
Kiba informed me about the incident with Lee at the hospital. Gaara went there trying to kill Lee, but Naruto, Shikamaru, and Quorra stopped him. Was Gaara sent to kill Lee and Sasuke? Was he targeting Leaf shinobi or was this random? Did Gaara kill for the sake of killing as Naruto claimed?
Moments ago, Gaara was bent over in pain, apologizing to his mother for blood. There was bad blood that he believed his mother didn't approve of. Kiba told me earlier Gaara's father was actually the Kazekage, leader of the sand village. He sat expressionless in the Kage stands, but I haven't seen any woman figure nearby.
The piecing were slowly connecting.
"A sacrificial desire…. for mother."
"You gotta believe me!" If Kakashi-sensei wasn't going to listen to Naruto, I was afraid he would explode.
"Relax," Kakashi sighed. "No need to panic. You know Sasuke and I weren't goofing around. There was a reason why we were so late in getting here."
"What were you guys doing?" Sakura asked.
"We have no time for talking!" Naruto shouted, cutting off his teammate.
"You're right," Kakashi-sensei barked. "So shut up and watch."
Everyone, including myself and Kiba, stared at Kakashi-sensei. For someone who was typically nonchalant, he was seriously irked by Naruto's concern. If my hypothesis was correct, maybe he should be more concerned for his student.
Speaking of concerned sensei's, where was Gachero-sensei?
"Kakashi," Gai-sensei glared at his rival. He didn't approve a sensei treating their pupil in that manner.
As quickly as his temper rose, it subsided. "Keep watch," Kakashi-sensei requested in an apologetic tone. "Sasuke is about to surprise you."
On cue, Sasuke, after analyzing Gaara's armor, ran in the opposite direction.
"Coward," Kiba snickered, his words were venomous. They were directed towards Sasuke, but they weren't for him. Someone angered him, but now wasn't the time to pry.
"He's not running away," I explained, pointing. "Look."
As I spoke, Sasuke ran to the end of the arena and continued using his chakra control to scale the 100ft wall. He came to a stop at the top ledge, perched. Sasuke performed a series of hand signs, too far and fast for me to follow. With his hand outward grabbing his wrist, he concentrated his chakra flow. Gradually, a small blue light glowed from his palm, growing with intensity; being fed by Sasuke's determination and power.
The crowd was silent, a pin could be dropped and heard from across the arena. Not even Choji's chewing could be heard as his jaw dropped. If I didn't know better, I could hear my family disinterested nail picking from here.
If it wasn't so quiet, I wouldn't be able to hear it. It was muffled, but I could pick up the words. The words beyond the sand.
"Mother…" Gaara spoke with forthright satisfaction. "Are you ready? I'm going to open it up now. I'm going to rip it open. It's going to come slipping out."
Relationships: enigmatic; a moth, light, delicate, naive, coaxed towards the light. The prey who knew better, falling for the same trap over and over again. But it couldn't be helped as for the light's sweet melody, the familiarity was too natural to leave. The moth craved warmth, needed to cradle it as life without was no life at all.
"I'm going to give it all to you," Gaara giggled, dark, eerily. "I'm such a good son. Are you ready, Mother? I'm ready."
When… ZAP!
"Kakashi, you taught him that?" Gai-sensei couldn't hide his surprise.
Dead.
"You can see his chakra. How is that possible?" Sakura stared with amazement. She had no idea something like this was imaginable, let alone her teammate was capable of performing. Even Naruto paused from his pleas to watch.
Gai-sensei knew the technique all too well. "It is the only weapon in Kakashi's arsenal that he hasn't copied. The point is its speed of delivery layered with the shinobi's ability to focus all its chakra at a single point. This was designed for assassinations. Because of this, the chakra becomes visible and sounds like birds giving it the technique the name, One Thousand Birds or Chidori for short."
The light transformed to lightning striking out of Sasuke's palm, surrounding him in a storm. Like Gai-sensei explained, the sound was high pitched as a result of the amount of pressure exerted into a condensed space. This was beyond chakra control, this was pure power and talent. Something he obtained from Lee. Something he obtained from his Sharingan. Something I was jealous I could never obtain. Something my parents would want me to practice after seeing this. It would be futile. While I had strong chakra control, I couldn't obtain that type of speed, not without relentless months of training. Even then, I would not be as fast because I am not an Uchiha.
"That's incredible!" Ino shrieked.
Gai-sensei gave his rival a sideways glance, not feeling the same way. "It is also called Lightning Blade."
"Lightning Blade?" Sakura questioned. "Why's that?"
Gai-sensei's glance deepened. "Because it has been rumored that Kakashi used this technique to cut down lightning before it reached the ground. "
"Old men and their fairy tales," Ino grunted. Sakura and the others; however, stared at Sasuke with awe. Including myself regardless of my brain racking up countless points to disprove such a phenomenon.
"Now you know why I insisted on training Sasuke myself..." Kakashi-sensei concluded.
"You taught your pupil a reckless move," Gai-sensei disagreed.
Sasuke was fully wound, ready to release the safety latch.
"...because he's like me."
Sasuke raced down the wall, dragging his bolts of electrical discharge behind him, destroying the foundation. His speed, to no surprise, was immaculate. His stamina maintained his chakra control to both his feet and hand without falling off the wall.
The One Thousand Birds screamed with chaos, begging to inflict damage. Within seconds, Sasuke was within yards of the armor dodging the sand spikes that chased him as he drove his fist through Gaara's defenses.
"Oh thank goodness. He did it," Sakura could barely uttered the words out, sighing with relief.
"WOO! Way to go Sasuke! I knew you can do it!" Ino cheered, cupping her hands around her mouth to amplify her already high-pitched screech.
"It's incredible how an Uchiha can build on top of taijutsu," Lee spoke sadly glancing down at his bandages and crutch. Gai-Sensei patted his pupil's back, reassuring him while giving dirty looks at Sasuke's sensei.
Naruto was too shocked to respond. The Loudest Shinobi was awestruck.
Sasuke's attack drove his arm shoulder deep into Gaara's sand shell. He struggled to catch his breath, wiped from using that much chakra. It was a powerful strike but the question on everyone's mind and by the looks of it, on Sasuke's as well…
Did it work?
Sasuke hit his mark but there was a lot of variables at play. For one, not even the Sharingan eye can pinpoint where in the large sand sphere Gaara was located. Gaara could have been out of reach. Also, once the attack connected, the sand dampened it. The question comes into play of how much did it do so. Whether the sand armor was hollow or solid heavily depended on this.
My wild calculations were answered by a piercing scream.
"BLOOD! IT'S BLOOD! IT'S MY BLOOD!"
The scream ran through me as if I was struck by Sasuke's Chidori. Not only did the scream catch me off guard, it was the nature of it. How childish it sounded. A lost boy who was searching desperately for his mother. If I didn't know how dangerous the boy from the Sand village was, I would have cried.
Sasuke struggled to rip his arm out of the armor, but like quicksand, it was stuck. Sasuke reactivated his Chidori and leapt back from the imprisonment. Blood streamed down his now bare forearm and dripped off his fingertips. Whether it was his or not I couldn't tell.
Another scream came from inside the sand armor, but this time, it wasn't from Gaara. At least I didn't think it was. This was deeper, stronger, wilder. It was more like a roar from an animal. Sand projected from Sasuke's impact, but it wasn't ordinary sand. It had indigo inked markings and same colored dipped claws.
It was an arm.
The crowd panicked. No one could comprehend what was happening. They wanted a shinobi battle, but this was on an entire different playing field.
This was beyond us humans.
Sasuke leapt back before the arm could snatch him, stretched longer than any animal's extremity I knew of. Moments before, Sasuke was collective, strategically planning his next set of moves and taking full advantage of the training with his sensei. Now, he was panting, clutching the arm and acting like everyone else, frightened.
"This is all his fault." It was low, but I could hear the words under Kiba's growl. He wasn't afraid. Anger rose from him and I couldn't piece together why.
The sand arm came feet from Sasuke before it stopped abruptly. A dog whose reached the end of his leash. After a few futile swipes of its claws, it receded into the hole.
There was another roar. This time it had weakened, wounded. The armor did something no one was prepared for. It began to disfigure, slowly melting. Sasuke jumped further back, prepared for the sand bomb to blow. That was the question, was the creature dying or becoming born?
It felt like an eternity as the layers of sand slowly peeled off whatever was inside. In the end, it was Gaara, clenching his shoulder where Sasuke must have hit him.
The atmosphere shifted. At first I thought it was from the loosen tension in the air, the universal sigh of relief. But that wasn't correct. The air was calm and soothing, a complete 180 flip of barometric pressure. I felt I could have been cradled to sleep without any worries.
There was something wrong. Terribly wrong.
If I haven't experienced it so many times, I might not have been able to pick up on it. It was my mother's favorite type of technique.
Genjutsu.
Concentrating on the pressure change, I could see it. The illusion of small feathers, dainty and white floating down from the sky. A friendly pillow fight that had gotten out of hand. The pillow waved its white flag of defeat among with heavy and peaceful rest.
All around me people started to fall asleep cradled in the warm and false protection of the jutsu. Kiba was out cold on the floor. Akamaru laid on his master's head.
"Shoot," I mumbled and quickly went to work before it too captured my warzone of thoughts and laid me to unwanted rest.
It was easy to sense it, the genjutsu. The trick was to exert an even distribution of chakra around your body, like an invisible bubble, in order to keep the jutsu from reaching you. If the chakra wasn't evenly protecting you, the jutsu would find the weakest point and infiltrate, resulting in me ended up like everyone else. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the flow of chakra, the power and control I had inside me and directed the energy to the surface.
"Release." With a smile, I knew I've done it. My head felt clear, my senses no longer muffled and my neurons were on high alert.
An explosion came from the Kage stands where Hokage-sama and the Kazekage were seated. Sound shinobi leapt over the massive walls of the arena.
A planned attack from the Sound, I calculated.
But that wasn't it. Out of the woodwork like a pack of wolves were sand shinobi who were fighting ANBU, our elite team of shinobi disguised with cloaks and animal masks. They fought their way to Hokage-sama, but it was too late. The Kazekage had him as they leapt above the explosion, a kunai pressed against our leader's throat.
This was a joint mission between the Sound and the Sand. Gaara and that arm were only a distraction. That much be why so many people were adamant about this fight. Not because it was with an Uchiha, but because it was to initiate something bigger. A break in our peace treaties.
This was a declaration of war.
Four enemy shinobi surrounded the two Lords. It was hard to tell from here, but something was different about them. Few didn't have human silhouettes. Whoever they were, together they threw up a barrier, one that kept ANBU out and Hokage-sama trapped with the Kazekage.
Thankfully, not everyone fell for the Sleeping Beauty spell. Kakashi and Gai-sensei dispelled it along with Sakura.
A group of ANBU raced toward the Sensei.
"What are you doing? The Hokage was in danger!" Gai-sensei barked, but they only pursued faster.
Kakashi-sensei came to the same conclusion as I did. "They disguise themselves as ANBU hiding among us in plain sight."
As they fought off the enemy, I had a few precious moments to take in my surroundings. The Kazekage had the Hokage captured, but it didn't make any sense why. We had a peace treaty with the Sand and to my knowledge, there wasn't any disputes that would inspire a full out war. And to become allies with the Sound? When between themselves had no alliance? It didn't make sense.
Below, Gaara was in serious pain. His teammates were trying to stop him from pursuing Sasuke. The world had become too chaotic to hear the conversation but the scene painted a strong enough picture. Gaara pushed his teammates away, wanting to continue the battle. Their sensei appeared, saying something with harsh expression. The proctor of the Chunin exam, Genma, arrived protecting Sasuke and exchanging words as well. Then everyone sprang into action. Gaara was carried away by his teammates while Sasuke ran after them, leaving the arena. The sand shinobi and proctor were in battle.
"Look over there!" Gai-sensei directed. Inside the barrier where the Hokage was held hostage was the Kazekage who apparently was disguised as well. His real face was ghost white with long straight hair.
"Orochimaru!" Sakura cried, recognizing who it was. "Is he after Sasuke again?"
Again? I didn't know who she was talking about. They must have encountered this man before. The sensei seemed to know who this fellow was as well.
"What are you talking about, Sakura? Who's this Orochimaru?" I asked.
"He attacked us in the Forest of Death," she explained, shaking at the memory. "He was trying to capture Sasuke. He was the one who gave him that mark."
I didn't know what she meant by mark, but now wasn't the time to ask.
"Those Sound shinobi who attacked us were his henchmen," Sakura concluded. Her features twitched, the memories from those days and the test goes beyond looking for scrolls.
My emotions evolved with hers. If they were his henchmen, then it was his fault. Orochimaru was the reason why Leda was dead.
"Where's Sasuke?" Sakura's panicked rose.
"He left," I explained. "Ran after Gaara and his teammates- Look out!" Above her were two Sound nin diving towards her. Frozen, Sakura stared in horror. In the nick of time, her sensei put an end to them.
"I'm glad I trained you in genjutsu for the Genin exams. You really do have a knack for it," Kakashi-sensei praised his student.
"Sensei?" she questioned.
"Go wake up Naruto," Kakashi-sensei ordered and Sakura went to work. "And Mae."
My eyes connected with his, startled. "Kakashi- sensei?"
Gai-sensei was keeping the enemies off Kakashi-sensei's back. His powerful kick drove a Sound nin to the ground, flipping over another enemy and using them as a shield. Each move was finished with an unnatural howl of a victory cry.
"Gachero-sensei must train you three well. You noticed the genjutsu, something most genin and even chunin have a difficult time with."
I felt my cheeks burn. I understood why Quorra idolized him. It was something about his mannerism. He spoke in a way that made you believe him. Even amongst this chaos, battles and the hostage Hokage, if Kakashi-sensei said things would be alright, it meant things were going to be alright.
"Th-thank you, Kakashi-sensei." I pressed the rim of my glasses firmly up the bridge of my nose, hiding my redden cheeks.
"Wake up Kiba. We're going to need his help."
"R-right!" I needed to focus. This was an emergency; no time to be embarrassed. I settled besides Kiba where he laid in deep sleep. Even when numb to this world, he appeared to be in mental turmoil. The furrow of his brow pinched from a cycling nightmare he couldn't awaken from. It broke my heart seeing him like this.
The key with releasing a genjutsu on someone else was the same principles as performing it on yourself. You were creating a bubble around your alley so that the jutsu can no longer manipulate them.
As if I could hurt him, I gently placed two fingers on his slick forehead then on Akamaru's. "Release."
Instantly, Kiba's furrowed brows twitched and regained access to the Land of Confusion.
"Huh? Mae, what happened? Woah, my head," Kiba rubbed the back of his head. "It feels like I was stampede over but a herd of angry llamas."
Slowly regaining understandment of his surroundings, his innocence shined through his warm brown eyes. I wanted so desperately to bottle it up and hold it close to comfort my darkest days. The days where I feel my lowest: insecure, not good enough, not smart enough. This was the Kiba from before the Finals, before the Chunins. When all he did was goof off, but was caring and made me feel cared, like I did matter when he tried to make me laugh with the same joke that didn't make any sense.
As soon as I saw it, it was gone. The light flicked off and he was succumbed by darkness. Something that extinguished his perfect persona and ignited a dark flame deep within that I was afraid would forever burn.
Kiba snarled. "Gaara, the match. What happened to the match?" he questioned staring at the arena, completely oblivious to the ongoing war.
"He left," I explained, extending my hand. "The Sand and Sound declared war on the Leaf village."
As if my hand was going to jump out and bite, Kiba stood. "We need to find him."
Trying not to take his action personally, "Sasuke went after Gaara. We need to find him before something bad happens to him."
Kiba's expressions softened. He had some humanity still inside him.
"Alright, you two. Over here so I can explain the mission," Kakashi-sensei beckoned.
"What kind of mission, sensei?" Sakura held her hands in a tight embrace.
"The one where we find Sasuke, bring him back, kick all these enemies in their sorry asses and save the day! Believe it!" Naruto was ready for action.
"I wasn't asking you, Naruto!" Sakura threatened.
"It was opened to anyone, I just volunteered to give an awesome answer."
"How could you be joking around at a time like this! We're in the middle of a war!" Sakura unhinged her tight grip and shook her fists. I really thought she was going to hit him.
"And I'm telling you I'm ready to save the day! Then people would beg me to become the next Hokage."
Sakura was fuming, her fear replaced with fury. "Why, I outta-"
"Enough, Sakura," Kakashi-sensei commanded. "Every second wasted is one more step farther away Sasuke is."
He didn't need to say it twice. One word about Sasuke and Sakura went from overload to cool. She was only worried about the one she's in love with. I couldn't blame her.
"This is an A-ranked mission, just like the mission at the Land of the Waves," Kakashi-sensei answered.
I've heard about that mission. It was initially a D-ranked mission; help a construction worker finish a bridge, but it accelerated to an A-ranked when they were surprised by a wanted criminal. Team 7 stopped the rogue shinobi, the bridge was completed, and they were the talk of the Leaf village for a few weeks after. Genin surviving an A-ranked mission. It only made the pit in my stomach deepen.
"Where we retrieve Sasuke, right?" Sakura finished her sensei's thought.
"Exactly! So let's go already!" Naruto complained, positioned to bolt with or without a command.
"Not so fast," Kakashi-sensei ordered. "We're missing someone."
Everyone stared at each other, searching for an answer in a sea of clueless faces.
"Quorra," the Leaf jonin answered. "You guys need to find Quorra and make sure she's safe."
There was a momentary pause. As though Elon Musk's simulation theory was correct and our Creator's world glitched. No one seemed to know how to respond. Quorra's relationship with each of us has been rocky ever since we didn't tell her what happened during the Preliminaries, during our fight. It still haunted me at night, the sound of her screams ringing through the silent nights. The screams only I could hear. They almost didn't sound human and I was the one who caused it. Because I was so determined to win the battle, so headstrong to prove to people watching, to the people who weren't watching, that I was a force to be recon with. I wasn't just a girl with brains, I was a fighter.
I wanted to tell Quorra. Tell her the truth, but he told us not to, told everyone who witnessed not to mention anything to Quorra, claiming it would be too painful for her. The girl had been through enough, he explained. "Why would we want to cause her more pain," he stated. "And sent her off the deep end."
The deep end? Was what I saw now not the deep end? Quorra lost, isolated, filled with an overwhelming landslide of mistrust and hurt?
I was going to tell Quorra and almost did during my many hospital visits. But every time I went, she was asleep. I wanted to fool myself into thinking that it was faith, that the universe didn't want me to tell her but I figured out her resting schedule. The truth was, I couldn't face her, consciously. It was my fault- all of it. Me opening my big, stupid mouth at the Forest of Death was the initial pebble to the whirlpool of destruction. Our battle was fueled with hate in my heart as I knew that was the only way I could continue.
Because I am a coward.
"But, Sensei," Sakura was hesitant. "Didn't you say every second that goes by is another second away we are from Sasuke? Wouldn't finding Quorra be wasting more time?"
Kiba's heat radiated off him. I would have thought the word of Quorra and her safety would have calmed him, but it had the opposite effects. He was turning explosive.
"Quorra comes first," Kakashi-sensei dismissed. "Find Quorra and together go after Sasuke. Sasuke can handle himself in the meantime."
Sakura opened her mouth to refute, but Naruto cut her off.
"Sensei is right, Sakura. We need to stick together." His energetic mood shrunk to seriousness. "Besides we don't need to search hard. I know where she is."
If Kakashi-sensei felt any sign of relief, he didn't show it. Sakura was about to refute, but bit her tongue with a nod of surrender.
"Right, before you four go, I have someone who can help." Kakashi-sensei performed summoning-based hand signs and emerged was…
"A dog? Really?" Naruto questioned.
"Yeah, I'm a dog. A pretty cute dog, too. You got a problem with that, kid?" The dog was as small as Akamaru, but unlike Akamaru, who couldn't talk, this dog's voice was deep, too deep for such a petite creature.
Naruto was going to respond until he released who he was speaking to. "You can talk?!"
"Of course I can talk." The dog rolled his cute little brown eyes. "What's more shocking is that you can."
Naruto's eyes bugged. "What did you say to me? Kakashi-sensei, why do we need to bring him along? He's a dick."
"He can smell 100 times better than us," I explained, biting my lip.
Be quiet, brainiac. No need to spew pointless factoids and having more people hate you. I scold my subconscious.
"That's right," the dog nodded. "100-fold better smell, brawn, and manhood."
Naruto turned fifty shades of red. "WHY I OUTTA-"
"Enough!" Kakashi-sensei nipped the brewing argument. "Pakkun, help them find Sasuke."
"I'm on it, boss," Pakkun saluted.
"But, sensei." Sakura was still hesistant. I could understand, we were in the middle of a war and time was of the essence to find Sasuke.
A enemy shinobi landed in front of Kakashi-sensei, kunai in hand. "Go!" he ordered and went into battle.
No one else questioned as four shinobi and two dogs ran off.
ξ
Naruto led the pack with Sakura and Pakkun trailing behind followed by Kiba, Akamaru and myself. No one spoke, plagued with a barrage of thoughts. Only ten minutes ago we were cheering Sasuke on. It hurt my brain trying to wrap my thoughts around it. But there was something that didn't sit right with me.
"Why would Kakashi-sensei want us to find Quorra? I mean- I understand checking to see if she's safe," I quickly reiterated, hoping they didn't take it the wrong way. "But why have her join us? Kakashi-sensei of all people know any larger than a four man squad and the mission could be compromised. "
"Because Quorra part of this team, that's why!" Naruto exclaimed. "Plus she's a badass fighter."
"Mae does have a point, Naruto," Sakura was cautious with her words. "Larger numbers means it's harder to communicate and we're already pushing our luck with two dogs on board."
"Not a chance. We need her," Naruto finalized. Sakura hesitantly agreed while Kiba remained opinionless.
I knew they would see it this way. Quorra was an excellent fighter. Even though I won the battle, I never felt more of a loser.
What I didn't understand was Kakashi-sensei's thinking. While Sasuke, his actual student was in more danger, he was adamant about finding Quorra. If he cared this deeply about her, wouldn't she be safer peacefully sleeping?
The questions pestered my mind as the team approached a fork in the hall.
"Which way?" Sakura asked, looking over her shoulder for potential enemies.
"Huh, this way!" Naruto pointed.
"You sure about that, kid?" Pakkun tilted his head causing one of his cute puppy ears to flop over.
"Yes! Don't question me. I'm the leader here!"
"A leader who doesn't know where he's going," Pakkun muffled purposely too loud and made dramatic coughs.
"Why you- I could punt you across this hall!" Naruto went into full argument with the talking canine. Sakura sighed with defeat. We were never going to find Quorra, let alone Sasuke, at this point.
Kiba walked down a path, opposite of the one Naruto indicated.
"What are you doing?" I asked. The others were too engulfed in their own bickering to notice.
"You said it yourself. Traveling with this large of a group would never work," he spoke rather calm which stirred turmoil in the bottom of my stomach.
"I know I've said that, but..." It was true, traveling with this growing group would never work, especially when there's arguing already.
"You shouldn't go alone." I felt my cheeks redden, hating myself for showing evidence of affection in a time like this.
Kiba gave his cocky sideways smile. "Who said I was?" The smile wasn't the same. It was forced, laced with a trail of anger. Anger I didn't know where it began or when it would end.
Why was he doing this? Was it to spare me from an encounter with Quorra, knowing how I wasn't ready to face her? Could he read through the lies I've been telling myself claiming that I was?
"I -"
"It's faster to track him this way," Kiba explained, unaware the impact he left on my heart.
Of course not. How stupid it was to think he cared about me. Stupid to think anyone did.
"Sasuke or Gaara?" I asked, failing to bite back the venom in my voice.
Kiba didn't respond; rather, he was losing his patience. "Well, you coming or not?"
I tried to verify my actions with reason. Kiba shouldn't be going alone as his probability of getting killed increase by three-folds. Calculated that an additional partner would decrease the odds, but was likely someone was still going to get hurt. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fool myself. I walked to his side ready to take on this suicidal journey not because my brain gave valid reasons, but because my heart urged me forward. The very beast I promised myself I wouldn't follow. The beating monstrosity who lost me Quorra, lost me Leda, and lost myself in a cataclysmic way.
But how does that terrible saying go? The heart wants what it wants as Kiba and I ran, creating distance between the team and my brain of reason.
AN: Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read the latest chapter of As I Wake. Your views, follows, and comments always make what I create worth it. Each of my main OC are branches of my own personality. Writing with Mae's mindset has been the hardest of the girls as I tap into my own insecurities and channel these emotions through Mae. Despite the challenge, it's refreshing to write and being able to develop her character. I hope readers can relate to her because I certainly do.
Until next time, xo