THE LADIES ROAST A PIG

Back to the rebels, and Steela and Dalla take the matter of the Bralykburns into their own hands. -LS

...

Even from a distance, Saw Gerrera really doesn't look comfortable in their rowboat. For Dalla, who's sitting in the boat with him, it's glaringly obvious.

"Are you sure you don't want me to row?" She asks as they go another few, jerky feet.

"No. Steela said our cover story is that we're a couple on a date. I think she's watched too many holomovies," Saw scoffs, clearly unimpressed with deferring to Steela. "Who takes their girlfriend on a rowboat on the river?"

"...It's the most common date in the North."

"Of course it is," Saw grunts and looks over his shoulder to the Bralykburns' ship. "Oh my gods, it's still that far away?"

"Do your arms hurt?"

"No."

"We just have to get close enough to see who's on board and what they're carrying. It's not like we're rowing across the planet."

"There's a droid patrol nearby. What if they stop us?"

"Then you'll give me the oars and I'll row us out of here like a drexl off Dxun."

Saw seems to take that. "How close is close enough to see who's on board?"

Dalla estimates. "Two docks from the ship?"

Saw groans.

"Will you stop that?" She checks over her shoulder to make sure no one's looking. "Voices carry over water and we're supposed to be on a date. It'll look suspicious."

"Have you ever been on a date?" He raises an eyebrow.

"No."

"There's groaning. Lots of groaning, especially when your date wants you to row her across the harbor."

Dalla doesn't know whether to take him seriously or check him into the water. "You didn't have to buy this date dinner."

"I would buy you two dinners before doing this." He rows again and something comes to him. "But on the bright side, my biceps will look great afterward."

She rolls her eyes.

"What?"

"This has to be the least convincing fake date in the history of Onderon."

"What did you expect? Roses? Love ballads? Furious kissing - you've made that very difficult, by the way," he says, gesturing to her scarf.

She leans forward on her elbows. "Saw?" She says in her absolute sweetest voice.

"Yes?"

"Make one more knuckleheaded comment and you're going for an unexpected swim."

Saw smirks, because of course he does. His comlink buzzes and Dalla answers it since his hands are busy. "Hello?"

"Will the two people who are supposedly on a date do a little less flirting and a little more rowing?" Steela teases.

"We are not flirting!" Dalla blushes.

Steela bursts out laughing and someone else takes the comlink, someone who's trying and failing not to follow suit. "Sorry, Dalla," Ahsoka says and stifles a giggle. "But it's pretty bad. Shinies are subtler than you two - quit looking over your shoulder for us!"

"Where are you guys?"

"You don't need to know. You just need to get close enough to the Bralykburns to determine what they're doing here. Wait, what - oh, and Steela says you're giving us enough material for a rom-com holo."

Saw flushes. "Rom-com?"

"We are rowing out to a ship!" Dalla protests. "And we weren't even flirting; we were arguing."

"You've been on the water for a minute! What can you be arguing about?"

"Nothing serious." The boat starts turning and she covers the comlink's receiver. "Saw, what are you doing?"

"I'm rowing!"

"You have to keep them even to go in a straight line."

"Hey, this is harder than it looks!" Saw protests and sends them veering off course again.

"People are staring. Give me the oars." she orders and grabs them from his hands. A few quick corrections later and they're once again moving in a straight line.

A few sailors on the docks burst out laughing, along with Ahsoka and Steela over the comlink.

"Lover boy's biceps are for show?" One jeers.

"Northern girls are going to be the death of me," Saw pouts and snatches the comlink. "What do you want, Steela?"

"Now that Dalla's rowing, nothing." Her smirk is audible. "Get over to the boat, find out what they're doing, and for goodness' sake stop glaring at each other."

"You're supposed to be on a date!" Ahsoka chimes in.

Saw and Dalla both stop glaring at each other and glare at the water instead.

"You two are impossible."

"Will you give me the oars?" Saw pleads when someone on the docks yells something about chivalry being dead.

"Do you want them to actually row or to inflate your ego? We weren't getting anywhere when you were rowing."

"People are looking." He gets an idea. "You don't want to look too northern."

"Says the guy who just told those rivermen I was northern," she snorts. "Everyone probably assumes my family moved here or something. Look, we're going so much faster."

"And it's embarrassing!"

"Ha!" Steela laughs through the comm. "You admit it!"

Ahsoka takes it away from her again. "Alright boys and girls, Saw gets the oars on the way back. Unless someone starts chasing you, in which case Dalla gets them."

The Bralykburns' ship grows closer and Dalla leans to look over Saw's shoulder. "Uh, Ahsoka? I think I might need to keep them. We've got trouble on board."

"Nobility?"

"Worse. I hope I'm wrong, but I think they have fighting men on deck."

"What?" Saw turns around in his seat.

"Don't look at them!" She hisses before he can do just that. "I'll go around so you can see, but it really does look like fighting men."

"You think they're here to pirate something?" Steela asks. "There's nothing to pirate."

"They're wearing southern clothes. That's not normal," Dalla worries. "Not even for sailors in harbor. I can only think of one good reason they'd have them."

"Disguises."

"The questions is why they're disguising themselves. They aren't shy about hiding they're northern so it's not about breaking the embargo. I don't see any of the family members so they can't be treating with Rash."

"At least not in person," Ahsoka says.

Dalla freezes mid-row. "Oh, kriff no."

"He already has their loyalty?" Saw groans.

"And their fighting men, disguised. Why? If he needs reinforcements why not just call for more droids?"

"I have a theory." Ahsoka says. "Remember what Master Kenobi said about public perception?"

Saw groans and Dalla feels sick to her stomach. "It's a smear campaign, isn't it?"

"Dalla says they're pirates. And the pirates I know wouldn't have any problem running a smear campaign if they got paid enough. Since they're wearing southern clothes, my guess is they might be here to impersonate you."

"I don't get it. No one's going to mistake them, grown adults, for us, teenagers." Saw replies.

Dalla shakes her head. "If there's enough chaos they would. And these are skilled fighting men. They will create that much pandemonium and they won't break a sweat."

Steela comes back onto the comm channel. "What kind of attacks are we looking at?"

"When they're on the water they seem pretty fond of harpoons. On land that could translate to what? Blasters?"

"Bombs," Ahsoka answers. "And they'd aim for civilian casualties. We need to stop this before it starts or we're going to lose the people for good."

Saw gingerly reaches across the boat and takes the oars from Dalla, and she realizes she's stopped rowing. She doesn't protest as he turns them around and starts rowing back toward the dock.

"The crew won't listen to us if we talk with them directly," she says. "The only way to stop them now short of sinking the ship with them on it is to go over their heads."

"You mean talk to the family."

"Aye, I do."

Saw leans into his next stroke and the boat goes surprisingly far and in a shockingly straight line. He's getting the hang of this; his next is just as steady.

Steela's voice on the other hand, isn't.

"Okay," she says, taking a deep breath. "Back to base and we'll talk to the Bralykburns."

…

Steela isn't looking too much better in the briefing room while Dalla gives her a crash course in dealing with the Bralykburns.

"What am I thinking?" she scoffs. "Lux is the diplomat; he should be doing this."

"The Bralykburns know the Blackwells are our bannermen," Lux explains. "Whereas you're a Beast Rider and therefore not involved. You really are the best person for the job. You hold your own against Saw."

"There's a difference between arguing with your brother and holding formal negotiations."

Dalla shrugs. "My father always says the only difference is that during formal negotiations you can't call anyone a Chirn head."

"That's the only difference," Lux admits.

"You two are filling me with confidence here," Steela chuckles. "Okay, give me the lowdown on the Bralykburns again."

"They'll go pirate over a single credit chip." Dalla ticks the offenses off on her fingers. "They think House Blackwell is a sellout to the south, they think my aunt Shara is a southern witch, they'll sit forever nursing anything they think is a slight, they tried to take over the north -."

"That's plenty." Steela holds up a hand to stop her. "What should I tell them? What works?"

"They have to think they don't have any other choice but to declare for us. You definitely need to say you have military might and you're not afraid to use it on their fighting men. Say that when Dendup takes the throne he'll reward his allies and punish those who betrayed him," Lux suggests.

Dalla's route is more direct. "Say you'll tell my father."

Steela cracks a smile. "Ooh, so scary."

"You haven't met my father." She can think of few things scarier than an angry Marlon Blackwell.

Steela waves the comment away. "I'll keep that in mind. Anything else?"

"Yes, a word of warning. They really, really don't like southerners."

"You can do it," Lux encourages. "You aren't afraid of some old lord hundreds of kliks away. And Dalla and I are right here with you."

"Albeit out of the hologram's field." Dalla takes a step back to ensure she is. "Are you ready?"

"No," Steela smiles nervously and turns on the holotable.

Lux falls back with Dalla while the hologram connects. As Steela takes a deep breath and straightens up he leans in and whispers in her ear:

"What do our chances really look like?"

"Southern beast rider talking to Bralykburns? Bad."

Steela gives them a dirty look. "I can hear you, you know."

"Sorry…"

Steela doesn't get the chance to respond because the holotable chimes a warning, and then displays Lord Bralykburn's scowling face.

Dalla and Lux triple-check they aren't in the hologram's field, and Lord Hugo Bralykburn focuses on Steela.

"Tell me," he spits. "How does a southern whore have this frequency?"

Steela bristles, clearly not happy at being called a whore. "Lord Bralykburn, my name is Steela Gerrera. I'm calling to discuss the reason your men are in the Iziz harbor during a trade embargo."

"Why would you care?" Bralykburn asks. "We're bringing the fish. You should be thanking me for not leaving you alone with those rivermen. Those sods squeeze anyone and everyone they see."

Hypocrite much, Lord Bralykburn? Dalla only doesn't roll her eyes because she doesn't want to distract Steela.

Steela isn't distracted. "By doing so you're defying your Liege Lord's direct order. And my men report that your vessels are very close to the Rashes'. That doesn't sound much like a fishing trip to me."

"Only so many places to dock."

"So you need fighting men to dock?"

Bralykburn regards her closer. "I see what this is. You're one of those terrorists giving the king a migraine."

"He's no king," Steela retorts. "Sanjay Rash is nothing more than a Separatist puppet and a traitor who sold out his king and his honor in exchange for a crown. We will not kneel to traitors. We will only support the true -."

"You speak of true rulers and yet you name Marlon Blackwell my Liege Lord?" Bralykburn snorts. "His kin sold the north to the south for coin and glory. What's the difference?"

"Marlon Blackwell may not be a saint, but he didn't bring an occupation no one wants. And I swear to you Lord Bralykburn, Rash will sell you out the second he gets a chance or thinks you've outlived your usefulness." She gets an idea. "He's seeking a marriage alliance with the Blackwells; he'll want to please his in-laws. I can't think of any better bride gift than Bralykburn heads on a silver tray."

Lux and Dalla stare at each wide-eyed. Sweet salt gods, that's really good.

But Bralykburn isn't cowed by the threat. He leans forward into the hologram and says: "Kriff them." Steela opens her mouth to say something but Bralykburn steamrolls over her. "Kriff Dendup. His perfumed corpse was going to start this someday with no heir to take his place; why shouldn't we play the game now? Kriff you and the rest of your beast rider terrorists for trying to hold it back. Take a clue from your Liege Lord, that Kira? Fly around on your monsters and let the serious players have control of the board."

"And you're the one to talk about following one's Liege -!"

"Kriff my Liege Lord!" Bralykburn shouts. "Kriff him and kriff his banners and kriff House Blackwell!"

Dalla inflates, incensed, and Lux grabs her shoulder. "Easy," he whispers. "You can't take him seriously. He's only an peevish pirate."

"A peevish pirate who's spit on my family's name!" She hisses.

"A peevish pirate with a ship full of fighting men in the harbor!"

Bralykburn continues yelling at Steela. "The only thing that man's done for the north is preach about duty and honor. Put your family's honor before yourself, he says. He's just disguising the fact he's nothing but a showboating coward."

She shrugs off Lux's hand and takes a step away but still out of the hologram's field to pace, bubbling with rage.

"Maybe, but his navy can crush yours any day," Steela challenges.

"If he was really interested in building up the his military strength, he should give his whore daughter to the king."

Dalla stops. Her cheeks match Steela's, flushed with unbidden shame at being called a whore.

"The rest of us give up our daughters when they come of age. They may not like it at first, but that's the highborn way. That's reality, but not for him. The kriffing king, the most advantageous match in the world, asks for his daughter's hand and he turns him down because he thinks she won't like him."

Yes, Marlon is touchy about betrothals. But there are so many reasons he refused Rash, and none of them were simple as Dalla not liking him. She grits her teeth, struggling to maintain self-control while Bralykburn trashes her father.

"Talk to me about loyalty when there's a competent man in charge of the North and children aren't playing at the great game," he orders. "Until then, I think I'll stay with a real player. I'll be there when the king takes your treasonous head. Maybe he'll take Marlon's the same time." A thought comes to him and he smiles. "Maybe he'll let me take the traitor's myself. And maybe I can convince him to take another girl to wife, and he'll let me end the Blackwell wench too."

Lux lunges to tackle her too late. Dalla storms toward the holoprojector, ignoring his warnings and Steela's nervous and confused glances. She slows down just long enough to turn her furious stalk to a calculating one.

You're going to show your hand. And what if it doesn't work? Hugo Bralykburn is one of the last people you want to show your hand to.

But there's something else. Something that'll give her new cards even if the negotiations fall through. Something that's guaranteed to help her with her other, smaller plan.

Steela breaks from diplomacy mode. "What are you doing?" she hisses out the side of her mouth.

"Ending this," Dalla growls. Lord Bralykburn isn't about to listen to Steela any more, and salt gods know they can't afford him teetering all the way to Rash. Unless they do something drastic, and fast, then that's exactly what he'll do. Even with her backup plan it's not ideal, and her father will kill her for doing it, but right now it's their only option.

Lord Bralykburn looks at Steela like she's crazy. "I'm choosing the side that will give me the north, you -."

Dalla steps into the field.

Bralykburn freezes.

Steela's game face slowly returns.

"Lord Bralykburn," Dalla says icily.

"L-Lady Blackwell," Bralykburn stammers. "You're in Iziz?"

"She's been here for a while." Steela relishes the words. "How long again?"

"In this room? Since this comm began."

Bralykburn swallows hard. "My lady-."

"Am I your Lady or not?" She glares at him. "From what I've heard you don't seem very keen on the idea."

"He doesn't seem keen on much of anything in the way of loyalty," Steela points out. "Lord Bralykburn, you're right that I don't know much about northern politics but I think Marlon Blackwell would be very interested in this."

"You're right, he would," Dalla confirms. "Can I borrow your comlink to let him -?"

"Don't tell your father!" Bralykburn pleads, scrambling as if he can actually stop her from dialing. "I didn't mean any of what I said. I couldn't know whether she was a spy for Rash. I had to appear loyal to save my house."

Sure you did. "You're saying you disavowed your Liege Lord and loyalty to Onderon's true king, declared for Sanjay Rash, and claimed you wanted to chop off my father's and my heads in order to appear loyal?" She'd have to be crazy to swallow that.

Bralykburn has to know it too. "I am. Please, Lady Blackwell. I was desperate!"

"That doesn't explain your interesting vocabulary choices," Steela announces. "You know, things like 'kriff my Liege Lord' and calling me, if memory serves, a 'southern whore'?" She punctuates the last bit with air quotes.

"Don't forget 'terrorist,' 'whore daughter,' and 'Blackwell wench,'" Dalla reminds her. "And whatever he was about to call you before he was interrupted. Can't imagine that was going to be a compliment."

"I didn't mean them," Bralykburn tries desperately to backpedal. "I have twin little girls, and my Talia's recently wed; I would never say something like that about a woman. My deepest apologies, my lady!"

"Don't apologize to me. Apologize to her." Dalla nods to Steela. "That's hardly something to call the Lady of House Gerrera."

Steela's and Bralykburn's eyebrows shoot up. The split second after, Steela steps on Dalla's foot.

"I've never heard of that house before."

"We're Beast Riders," Steela says, probably the only thing she can think. When Bralykburn isn't looking she gives Dalla a very black look.

That should be her cue to drop the shovel but Dalla keeps digging her grave. "Beast riders who are kin to Bremon Kira. Steela, aren't you his niece?"

If holograms showed color Bralykburn would be pale as snow. "Lady Gerrera, please accept my apologies. I didn't know and I didn't mean what I said."

Steela sees the glowing opportunity and grabs it. "I might be convinced not to tell my uncle, and Dalla might not inform her father of your treachery. There are only a few conditions."

"It would be a good idea to accept them." Dalla suggests.

"You will order your fighting men out of Iziz and leave the city immediately. You will honor your Liege Lord's commands, including the trade embargo," Steela orders. "And finally, you will swear to me."

Bralykburn swallows, his stubborn pride showing through. "Swear to a Beast Rider?"

"Do it," Dalla orders. "She's the best representative for King Dendup you're going to get. Swear your fealty or we'll both assume you're going to keep your traitorous ways."

Steela crosses her arms.

"Well, Lord Bralykburn?" she asks. "Do you feel like facing the wrath of two Great Houses today?"

He shoots them a look full of nothing but vitriol, and Dalla returns one of ice while Steela returns one of fire.

After a long moment Bralykburn breaks his gaze, takes a deep breath, and kneels.

…

Hugo really should have known better than to mess with Steela of the House Gerrera, First of her name, the Unroasted, Leader of the Onderon rebels, Toppler of Kings and Tamer of Rupings.

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