CAUGHT UP

It's been about 8 months since the terrible storm that ravaged the northern sea, but life goes on and Shara has not sat idly by. She has dived into the northern way of life and is beginning to feel at home not without some bumps along the way ~ DK

…

How could she have been so galactically stupid? Shara sat on the floor in the middle of the brand new greenhouse and looked around herself, feeling miserable. The building itself was magnificent, like a cathedral to growing things.

She had spent a good deal of her own earnings on the construction project but she hadn't been the only one. Marlon and Lana had made an investment of their own funds to bring the plans to reality. And Ness's father, hoping for a share in the produce to add to his menu at the pub, had put a generous amount of credits into the mix. Even the Harkons, just to show their support for her idea, had added to the pot.

They all believed in her crackpot scheme and she had let them all down. She had thought she remembered everything they would need to get started, but she had forgotten the most elemental part of the equation … dirt.

To be fair she had hardly sat down in the last several months. She and Jamos and the crew of the Polaris had been out on the water for almost the entire fishing season. They only came into harbor to unload the catches of fish and resupply. They had attempted to send a portion of the takings to the still suffering Bralykburn Clan but Hugo had asserted that he wouldn't take their charity. Shara suspected, though no one would say it to her face, that this had something to do with her specifically.

They had made a point to be at the Harkon Hall salt formation for Miranda's baptism. Marlon and Lana were named as the official godparents but Adria had told Shara that she considered she and Jamos to be just as important a part of her daughter's life as the Lord and Lady.

And Shara had spent a good deal of time helping Maris plan her wedding. Not that she knew how things like that were done in the north. It was more like, at least Maris seemed to think, a dress rehearsal for her own wedding when the time for that came around.

Finally, yesterday, the shipment had arrived. Shara looked around at the crates of seeds and cuttings and even a Jogan sapling. She had no place to plant them.

Also among the deliveries had been the fresh cut flowers that she had ordered to decorate for Maris and Ness's wedding and not a moment too soon. She and Lana had stayed up late into the night transforming the Hold's great hall into a garden. And then Shara had gotten up early this morning to bake a special cake for the occasion.

She stopped off at the greenhouse on her way back from delivering it to the pub where Ness's father was preparing for the couple's reception. This really was the first time that Shara had been able to just sit and contemplate her mistake. She wanted to cry.

She heard Jamos enter, call her name, and walk across the cavernous space, Portia loping along beside him. He knelt down behind her and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Here you are. We're going to be late. You still need to get dressed. Unless you wanted to show up for the wedding all covered in flour and soil."

Shara sobbed and looked down at her hands. Some of the precious planting material had brushed off there from one of the crates. She didn't have any of the stuff to spare. Portia licked her hand in her own attempt to cheer her mistress.

"Oh now, don't cry." Jamos stood and taking her hands, pulled her to her feet as well. "Believe me." He teased. "I'm just as upset as you are that they're the ones getting married and not us."

A smile tugged unbidden at the corners of her mouth and Portia barked.

"Aye, there we are." He nodded, satisfied. "We'll sort all this out later. I saw the holo of the dress you picked out for today and I can't wait to see it on you."

"I thought you liked me best in my fishing leathers." She swatted him with the back of her hand as she made her way towards the door. The cog followed behind them wagging her tail.

"I like you in anything." He reached ahead of her to tap the door control and it swished open with a gust of cold autumn air. It really was amazing how warm the greenhouse stayed compared to the outdoors. "Or nothing at all." He continued with a smirk. "It really is all about variety."

"Brr…" she shivered and sped up her pace, ignoring the comment. "Right now I'd like a heavier coat."

"I'll make sure it's out for you when the ceremony is over and we step back out for the reception." He said it without a second thought, always attending to her needs before she had to ask.

"Thank you." She said quietly. Shara smiled at the way Portia skipped ahead of them along the path.

Jamos opened the door again for her when they reached the manse. She did need to hurry. The guests were already beginning to arrive.

It was here they must part for now but he took her hand and kissed it before he ran off to get dressed himself. "Don't make yourself too pretty now." He called back. "You wouldn't want to outshine the bride."

Shara waved him off and made her way to her own room. "Come on, Porsh." She didn't have as far to bend down to ruffle the cog's ears as she once did, since Portia had grown so much in the last year. "I'm afraid you are going to have to stay in your kennel for a bit. But don't worry, your daddy and I will bring you back something nice from the pub."

Portia barked appreciatively.

…

Lots of people cried happy tears at weddings so if anyone noticed Shara shed a few of her own, they might have assumed that was the cause. Lana passed her a handkerchief, and she nodded her thanks as they watched Ness drape the cloak of protection around the shoulders of his bride.

They both looked so happy. Melaana and Bremon had looked at each other like that.

The minister placed their hands together and wrapped them with the silk, net, binding cloth. She remembered her own hand being wrapped up with Sanjay's…

And then they were saying their vows. The same vows Shara had made… and broken.

She jumped when Dalla started gibbering from Lana's lap beside her. Shara grasped at the opportunity. "I'll take her out," she whispered, not waiting for an answer.

She felt like she could breath a little easier when she got out of that room. Perhaps Dalla wasn't really bothering anyone but to Shara she was a welcome distraction. "It's not easy to be still and quiet for the long, is it?"

Dalla squealed her agreement and Shara took her a little further away from the doorway into the great hall. She took a seat on a bench, stood Dalla up beside her, and proceeded to teach her goddaughter an Onderonian counting song with clapping hands and stomping feet.

Before they had reached the end, there was a cheer from the hall and soon after that, guests began to make their way out. They all said how lovely the ceremony had been and how sweet the couple. A few of them who knew Shara, mostly the sailors who had served with her as well as Ness, said hello. Some of them introduced her to their families as the beast master who had saved them from the storm. She nodded humbly, but declined their invitations to walk with them to the pub. She waited for the Blackwells.

"You didn't have to…" Lana began to say as she walked up to retrieve her daughter but then she stopped. She must have seen something in the other woman's expression that yes she did have to leave and the baby had only been a convenient excuse. She changed her tack with a considerate smile. "But thank you."

"I was glad to take her." Shara nodded and then looked back as she felt a coat being draped around her shoulders.

Jamos was there, as promised, with a smile. But somebody else saw the gesture and misinterpreted.

"If you two are ready for the cloak and binding cloth, the minister is still in there!"

Shara took an automatic step away from him.

Jamos looked a little disappointed but he played it off well, "Nah we wouldn't want to cut in on Ness and Maris's spotlight." He, unhappily, followed her unspoken request and didn't reach out his hand to escort her.

He was uncharacteristically quiet as he walked as close as he dared behind she and Lana toward the pub. They were never more than a couple of meters apart in the packed establishment, though it seemed like parsecs.

"Shara." Lana pulled her aside after the party had been going on for a while. "It's a party. You look sadder than a sacfish."

"I'm sorry. I am glad everyone is enjoying the cake."

"Shara, it's understandable that it would be difficult to witness the beginning of a marriage when your own has just ended." Her friend whispered compassionately.

"Seeing Maris in her white dress," Shara admitted. "Hearing them say their vows. I said those same words. I meant them and then I… broke them." She swiped away a tear from her cheek.

"You're afraid to say those words again, that you might not be able to keep them?"

"No, it's not that exactly. Jamos is my best friend. I don't ever want that to change but…" Shara tried to think how to phrase her fears. "I don't deserve him. I gave myself to someone else, wasted years of my life that I can't get back. Why would he be interested in someone else's … leftovers?"

Lana took her hand and forced Shara to look her in the eye. "Have you spoken to Jamos about this?"

"No." Shara shook her head.

"Next time you do speak to him, look him in the eye and see if you still believe that any of that matters to him."

"I…" Shara began to protest but just then Marlon came around the corner with Dalla in his arms.

"There you are!" He smiled at the two women. "They're just about to cast the net."

Before her friend could think of reason to refuse, Lana took the toddler from her husband and passed the little girl to Shara. "Oh you will take her up for us. All the unmarried people are supposed to go forward so I can't take her."

"I suppose so." Shara looked rather blaster shy as she was shoved along with Dalla towards the center of the room where all the other young people were gathering for the traditional event.

Dalla squirmed in her arms in the midst of the crowd. She slipped to the floor and had toddled off before Shara could stop her.

Shara tried to follow but the press of the revelers was too much for her to see. Suddenly Jamos was standing before her.

He gave her a hesitant smile. She couldn't help but look into his eyes as Lana had suggested.

"I was just bringing Dalla up." She explained guiltily.

"Aye." He nodded, seemingly transfixed.

"She got away from me. I hope she's okay. Though I guess she's a little too young for this sort of thing anyway."

"And are you?" He asked, concerned.

"To young?"

"No." He laughed softly and then the worry returned to his gaze. "Are you okay? You looked so… I don't know… sad, earlier."

"I…" she began but before she could formulate a response, a soft length of fabric descended over both of their heads like a cloud. When it settled she could still see him through the gaps in the net and the two of them were surrounded by a defining cheer. "I guess this means we've been caught up."

Jamos pulled the net away from their heads and started to wad it into a ball, anticipating her displeasure. "It's just a stupid tradition."

They couldn't exactly discuss it here with well wishers swarming them but she did reach out a hand and take the net from his grasp. "I don't know. I think it's kind of charming."

"You do?" Hope filled his eyes for a moment before he was tackled by his brother and the groom and most of the rest of the Polaris' crew.

Shara for her part was surrounded by giggling females, all telling her how lucky she was, and how they all wished it was them, and how handsome Jamos was. She rode the chaos like a tide. Occasionally looking over the heads at Jamos's grin.

They all saw the bride and groom off for their honeymoon voyage aboard a small sailboat that would take them to a tiny island with a one room cabin. Then there was more drinking and dancing at the pub. But Lana and Marlon decided to call it a night and get their daughter to bed.

Shara too, begged off another round, telling the others that she'd had a late night and an early morning. Her gaze barely landed on Jamos for a galactic standard second as she stepped out the door but she heard the uproar behind her when he jumped up and said he needed to hit the hay as well. She hurried along the path before he could catch up to her and give further cause for the watchers to talk.

…

Shara sat curled up on the big comfortable chair with a fur mantle wrapped around her shoulders and Portia snuggled on her lap. She had brushed the elaborate wedding style out of her hair and changed out of her fancy dress. The silk net that she had taken from Jamos at the pub was tucked carefully in the back of her drawer.

Despite her assertion that she was tired, she knew she wouldn't be able to get to sleep right away after the emotion and excitement. And it seemed she wasn't the only one. It was almost like any other quiet evening in front of the fire with the Blackwell family.

Shara was enjoying a novel on her data pad until she glanced up and noticed Jamos gazing at her. His smile grew a little wider when they made eye contact and he gave her a wink. She felt her cheeks grow warm and she tried to focus again on the words on the screen but it was impossible.

Marlon and Lana seemed engrossed in their holo program and book respectfully, but it still felt a little like the early days of her time with them, when she had to be chaperoned every moment of the day.

She let her gaze wander to Jamos, again. Yes, he was still looking at her. She thought he looked as if he would rather they were sitting closer together than across the room or maybe that's just what she was thinking herself.

On a sudden inspiration, she tapped out of the novel on her data pad and pulled up the link to a fishing gear shop that she had bookmarked. "Jamos." Her voice broke the silence and drew the eyes of all three of the others.

"Aye?" He grinned.

She was sure she was blushing now but she pressed on hoping the others would think she was only warm from the fire. "I wanted to show you something I was considering." She held up the datapad. She could have just forwarded him the link but he was up in a moment and across the room.

"Sure, what is it?"

Marlon and Lana, smiling, went back to their own pursuits.

Shara scooted over to make room for him to sit next to her. Portia didn't wake but gave a little whine in her sleep and pawed the air as if she were dreaming. Jamos gave the pup a pat and squeezed into the space on the chair.

"It's this wetsuit." Shara showed him the listing. "It's synthflesh fabric, supposed to be more flexible and keep 80% more heat in than the natural leathers."

"Looks great." He said.

But when her attention rose from the listing to his eyes she saw that he wasn't looking at the datapad at all.

"You really want his opinion on ordering clothing off the holonet?" Marlon laughed from the other side of the room. Lana silenced her husband was a well placed elbow.

"I can get it with my share of credits from the last catch. I've got plenty. Just wanted to see if you thought it was a good idea." Shara mumbled.

"No. Charge it to the Hold account." Jamos said, almost offended.

"You're sure? It really is just so I can be more comfortable in the water."

He smiled. "The comfort of my best beast master is an investment in the Blackwell fishing industry."

She smiled shyly at the praise.

"So, that's it? All you needed to show me?" He asked, rising from the chair. He bent to ruffle Portia's ears and then looked Shara in the eyes again.

"Aye." She wondered if her voice sounded as disappointed as she felt. "Yeah, that was it."

He went back to his own seat and she meant to go back to her novel but instead the datapad just rested in her hand while she watched the fire burn down in the grate. And then the pad vibrated drawing her attention back to it.

There was a text from Jamos. "Marry me!"

She studied him across the room, marveling at his expectant expression. Was Lana correct, that her past truly didn't matter to him? Shara looked back down at the pad and tried to think of a response. Finally she tapped out the message, "Not yet… but… maybe."

He gave a whoop as soon as he had read the message, drawing the attention of his brother and sister-in-law. "Sorry," he grinned. "Bolo-ball scores. My team won! Woo!" but he winked again at Shara and she never could quite get into her novel again that night. She read the same paragraph at least ten times.

…

In the planning stages for this story LS and I discussed at great length how many proposals it would take for Jamos to win over his bride. This was number 4 in case you were keeping count. One was after her first catch, two was after she had decided to stay in the north, and three was in the inn after the storm. Now she has finally given him a 'maybe'.

Please give us a review! And as always thank you so much for reading!