A/N: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE TWILIGHT CHARACTERS OR ANY OF THE SONGS GIVEN WITHIN MY STORY. Hey guys, here is another chapter. I'll try to get my second one out before Tuesday for ya'll! The song I mention is "The Reason by Hoobastank." Alright Enjoy! Oh and I promise to be putting more Sam/Bella moments in the next chapters. I am trying to post between Sundays-Tuesdays cause the rest of the week is just crazy insane for me! Until then...
Belle POV - November 4th
I swear I'm about to kick my brother's sorry ass pretty soon for talking stupid! It's like whiplash with him. One moment he's all lovey towards Leah and the next he is pissed because Cassie left with Jake? It's annoying as shit! Can't he see how much Leah is hurting when he mentions his own wife? I know Justin still loves my bestie but constantly having this hot cold attitude just makes Leah feel worthless and not wanted. "Leah, Leah wait please hon! Don't run out." I catch her wrist before she bolts up the stairs. Turning her to face me I take her into my arms as I feel her hot tears on my shoulder. "I'm sorry sister. Please just give him more time okay. I get it. But Cassie is really the only woman he has ever loved and the same goes for her. As far as I can tell, she is giving him an out because my best friend knows that in the end, you are meant to be with Justin just as she is destined to be with Jake. It sucks right now but with time all will heal. Forgiveness is a really big factor in a situation like this. And my girl is probably hurting more than the two of you combined. But I know her well enough to know that she doesn't want Justin in any type of agony no matter how much that ass betrayed her." When she pulls away I can feel her awkwardness and how uncomfortable it is for her to be crying on my shoulder let alone crying at all. She's a hard ass that's for sure. "I understand okay, I do. Honestly, I don't ever see someone truly accepting me for who I am anyways. My life is a total cluster fuck Bella. I mean sure I had Sam, he was my first everything. Kiss, love, lover. I truly loved him with everything I had. When Sam decided to cut off our engagement I felt totally and utterly alone. Unwanted really." Seeing how much she needs to vent and explain herself to me I take her into our music room where we sit down and get comfortable. "Go ahead Leah, I'm here to listen." I can see the contemplation she is going through.
With a frown on her face she opens her mouth once more, "When my dad kept hanging out with Sam after our breakup I went ballistic. Thinking to myself that my own father was choosing my ex over his own daughter. Of course getting mad only helped me turn into a fucking fur ball instead. But in the end I was just a stupid emotional wreck. To even think my dad could do such a thing to me knowing how much he loved me… I was just blinded by rage and hurt. I knew how much of a son he thought of Sam so in the end I was just being a bitch, being selfish. I am… I am the reason that my father died Bella. Me. Mom tries to deny it but I know it was my fault all along. I was feeling like a constant disappointment to him and when I suddenly had enough and spoke up. He had his heart attack, right in front of me. When Emily came here for the funeral I thought to myself, finally someone who cares. Someone who will listen and be here for me. The moment I saw her looking at Sam in a sexual way I about lost my mind let alone my heart. I hated her from then on. Let me tell you when I caught her fucking Riley in Port Angeles I had every intention of letting Sam and the elders know. Imprinting is suppose to be sacred, cheating on your mate shouldn't be possible right? I mean why would you want someone else… But her words are what stopped me in the end. What she said was the truth. She really just smothered it in my face that Sam would never believe me let alone want someone like me, that I would never be good enough since I killed my own daddy!" She laughs bitterly to herself before going on. "I was so scared to be near my family, felt useless in the eyes of my Alpha, and looked worthless to my pack brothers. "
"The day Jake came in to my fucked up head I was beyond annoyed... At first I ignored him but the bastard wouldn't leave me be. So I told him to fuck off. You wanna know what he told me that got my attention? He said that he could show me how to really fuck off." Laughing with amusing this time around I just smiled with her. "The guy just manhandled me into submission Bella and I had never been more turned on in my entire life! I constantly wanted him, needed him. I seriously let myself believe that he was it for me. Of course, I tried not to let it show but after being with him for 2 and a half years feelings tend to get involved. I honestly fell in love with him after six months of being together. I knew he could never feel the same way and it took me so long to finally build up the courage to say something. Even if he stopped wanting to be with me physically I was willing to at least tell him how he really made me feel. There was one small problem though. You see the night I was planning on confessing my love for Jake is the night I found out he imprinted on Cassie. My God, I thought losing Sam was bad. It was nothing compared to losing Jake, the one person who understood the deep anguish I was feeling all those years ago. The one person who made me think that I mattered."
Keeping my eyes on her I can see her guilt seeping in now but under it all... Love is shining in her eyes, clear as day. "The day Justin came into my dance studio for an interview I went into complete shock. I couldn't believe that I had finally imprinted after all this time but when the guy told me that 'he was married, loved his wife completely and would never betray her in any way', I got so angry! I seriously was pissed. Not at him or Cassie but at the Gods who thought connecting me to someone who was married would be okay! We were fighting the imprint the whole time but it wasn't that bad because we worked together. I was just so confused, I think it didn't help that I thought he was married to you and not Cassie." Giving off a slightly dull laugh. "God we really were senseless to not ask you straight up about being married to Justin. Anyways, the night we got drunk he started to confess how I made him feel. Told me that his wolf loved me and that the man couldn't help but feel the same. I don't know if he remembers at all but at first I refused to believe his feelings. I mean I was flabbergasted because I knew how much he loved his wife still. Then the unthinkable happened. Just like Jake, your brothers wolf put me into submission. I want to put out there that drinking isn't really a habit of mine but that night I thought we both could use it. By the time Justin's wolf took over we were beyond wasted. I was missing Jake, he was sad to be losing his wife to another man. Obviously everyone knows what happened after that." Shutting my eyes at this point. I'm not sure what to feel other than heartbreak for my best friend. "I went straight to the elders the next day completely horrified of the act that I committed. Bella, the look on his face when I woke up in his arms. At that moment I just knew in my heart that love was never meant to happen for me. If the people I kept loving would only leave me in the end, thinking that I am filth. Because that's how he looked at me. Like I was nothing but a mistake. Am I not good enough for anyone? Not even my own mate? Am I that disgusting to be with?" Silent tears stream down her face, I gently wipe them away.
Taking her hand into my own. I direct her towards the studio monitors, she seems to be taking in the different devices and instruments that are the same room as us. I sit her on one of the chairs before I start to talk. "When I first met Cassie we were just acquaintances. Both of us were majoring in the medical field. Sure we would study together every now and then but nothing more… Until my mom was killed. After that incident she introduced me to music, expressing myself through song. I was nervous at first since I had to left feet but writing came naturally and eventually music grew from that. I know you love to dance Leah but have you ever written your own song?" Seeing her shake her head no, "You would think that after my mother's death I would at least write my first song for her huh…" Laughing lightly at nothing in particular I tell her what only Cassie really knew. "I didn't really tell him how I felt before I left Forks. I didn't really figure out my true feelings until I was away from here. You see, I loved Jake very much. Sure he was my best friend but just the person he is in itself." Smiling at my youthful memories going through my head "You can't help but fall in love with the guy, the man that he was becoming." Of course she has a surprised look on her face. "His strength, his love, his friendship. It changed me. He doesn't know this song exist so let's keep it our little secret okay, it's called The Reason." As the song plays I explain some things to her, "Just like you I felt so alone Leah. Edward and his family didn't want me… My own best friend wanted nothing to do with me… My only friend. These are just some of the things I felt when I left this town behind. When I wrote this I was thinking of how I felt towards him. Me loving him but never able to actually be with him. I knew I would survive without him eventually but the reality of his not wanting me around, it really hurt. It actually tore me to pieces more than Edward ever did. But I knew that he was my reason to change, to make myself better because in the end. I didn't feel good enough to be with someone as remarkable as Jake. Moving on from the stupid innocent girl that would never truly be worthy of him." We listen till the song ends. "I understand that all these emotions are bottled up inside you right now. Just feel the music, let it flow. Try and write your own lyrics Leah. If not go ahead and use the studio to dance your heart out." Giving me a forced smile but with gratefulness shining in her eyes I let her know that I gotta go kick my brothers ass for being such an idiot towards her. After receiving a slight laugh I tell her to take all the time she needs in my safe haven and when she's ready I'll be waiting for her.
Justin POV - November 4th
As I slowly climb the stairs that leads to what was once the most memorable and safest place in the house to me. I can't help but think back on how I really fucked up my life. I was in total bliss before moving here. Had everything I needed, all that I wanted but holding this envelope in my hand shows me what is really to come. The end. The end of my old life, the old me, the me that was content and happy with the only woman that I had ever loved. I stop right before our red door, yes red. My wife wanted to make sure our room left a statement, it didn't help the wording on the door either. Justin & Cassie's Playroom, my brother's got a kick out of that but Bellie just looked mortified. Man, I remember her face when she saw it, it was fucking hilarious! Opening the door slowly I am struck with the sweet aroma of my Cassie. How I miss her fragrance and sweet laughter. Closing the door behind me I start moving closer to our bed where her scent is the strongest. Sitting on the edge with my hand in my hair I take a moment to calm my nerves. You can do this Justin… You love her enough to let her go… She deserves better than what you have given her, they both do. Taking the tan envelope I slowly open it and take the contents out. Chuckling lightly to myself when I see that she was kind enough to provide a pen to sign with as well. Always thinking ahead my Cassie. Reading over the contents thoroughly I go to sign in when I notice a paper sticking out of the envelope. Looking closer to what this one paper could hold I take note that it's a letter from my wife…
My dearest Justin,
This is a day I never thought I would have to go through let alone have to put you through as well. You were my always Justin, my forever soul… I want to say that I am sorry but who am I to take the blame for your treacherous actions? I don't think I need to rehash on how betrayed I felt let alone how much heartache you have caused me, the one person you are suppose to cherish the most. I guess wife means very little now a days. Trust, loyalty, communication, and undying love babe. That's what you promised me and I in returned promised you my everything, my forever, my heart. Now that all of your vows are smashed to pieces like my heart, this is me backing out on my own vows. I wish you the best on your newest journey Justin. I understand, she is your mate, half of your soul and for that I am releasing you of anymore responsibilities towards me. Please, please don't fight me on this Justin. If you ever really loved me, you would give me the same courtesy and do what I am requesting. Do not ever doubt that I loved you because you were my everything, my better half. But just how I am now in your past, you are also something I must move on from. Give me time Justin. My heart still beats for you but slowly and surely Jake's love will take hold. I have no hesitation in giving all me to him willingly. I congratulate you on finding your mate Mr. White. Until we meet again. Farewell...
Sincerely,
Your once beloved,
Cassandra Willis