Chapter 116

Instead of answering immediately, Louisa asked, "May I stay with you for a few days?"

"Come in, come in child." Joan briskly called her in. "Of course you can stay. I take it that Marty doesn't know you are here?"

Mutely, Louisa shook her head. "I didn't know who else to go to…"

"Well, come and have a drink and tell me about it, er, if I'm not intruding?"

"No, Joan. You're not intruding. I don't really understand it myself."

Once the tea was placed in front of her, Louisa stirred it absentmindedly while composing her thoughts. "This morning, I went out for a walk and decided to go and have a drink at the café. I got a mango fruit juice and had had a few sips from it when Danny came over. He was going to sit with me but my abrupt greeting made him stand instead. He apologised for his outburst in Wadebridge that day, and put it down to his jealousy of the fact that I'd chosen Martin. He went on to tell me he was going back to London. I accepted what he'd said and then told him goodbye."

"Off he went. I finished my drink and went back home. I made the sandwiches for lunch and then sat down to read. It was almost one before Martin came for lunch. I got the drinks ready and put the sandwiches out. I could see he wanted to say something so I didn't say anything while I waited. He then asked me why I hadn't told him I was meeting Danny at the café?"

"I was surprised, because I hadn't even known Danny would be there. I asked him how he knew I'd seen Danny and he said "one of my patients told me!" You can imagine how angry I was and I was just about to reply when his damn phone went off and with barely a backward glance, he went off to visit a patient!

I sat there in total shock. I couldn't fathom how he could believe the gossip of a patient ahead of what I've told him over and over again, about how much I love him!"

At that point the dam burst and she began to sob.

Joan waited while Louisa cried herself to a standstill. Eventually her sobs decreased and then stopped. "I'm sorry Joan, I didn't mean to burden you with all my woes."

"Louisa, I can see why you are so upset. I know how much you love Marty, and how this must seem to you. I'm not sure either of what I can say which will ease the situation. I'm glad you came to me, because I won't breathe a word of this to anyone else. Of course you can stay with me in the meantime. Why don't you go upstairs and have a nap, and calm yourself a little. If Martin comes here, do you want me to tell him you're here, or not?"

Louisa shook her head. "Not today, Joan. I left a note which said I was going to stay with friends to sort out my feelings as to whether I'd stay with him or leave. I can't go on trying to be the voice of reason, in the house. I'm carrying his child for heaven's sake! Doesn't that tell him something!"

Joan recognised the signs of an impending meltdown and ushered Louisa upstairs to the little bedroom Martin used, when he visited as a child. After half an hour she crept quietly up the stairs and looked in. Louisa was fast asleep, but Joan could see that her eyes were puffy from a crying bout. She left quietly and went back down to the kitchen.

Sighing Joan washed up the cups and set about finding food for tea. She put some mincemeat into a stew and left it cooking on the stove. Sitting back down she picked up her newspaper and resumed reading it. She'd just reached the sports pages when there was an urgent knock on the door and in walked Martin. He looked disturbed, and upset.

"Marty!" gasped Joan. "What's happened? Is Louisa, OK?"

"No, no Auntie Joan. Louisa is good, as far as I know."

"What do you mean, as far as you know? Where is she? What's happened? Come on, out with it!"

"I..I accused her of meeting Danny behind my back. A patient told me she'd seen the two of them in the café. Before Louisa responded I was called out. When I came back there was a note on the table telling me she'd gone to stay with friends, to think about whether to stay with me, or not."

Joan stared at him in astonishment. "You mean you took the word of a gossip-mongering patient, over that of your own wife? Why on earth didn't you stay and discuss the matter before rushing out? Surely even you must realise just how much Louisa loves you! She married you, and is having your child! How much more is she expected to do! Eh, Martin?" Joan's voice had risen peremptorily with each sentence.

Martin hung his head in shame. In truth she was only expressing the thoughts he himself had had, since leaving Fern Cottage to visit Ms Sawle.

Changing tack she asked him, "Martin, why do you think Danny comes to the village?"

When he vouchsafed no answer, Joan went on, "95% of the time it is to visit his mother. Obviously, he then comes into the village to shop or talk to people from time to time. You know from your practice that there are less than 1000 inhabitants of Portwenn. Surely you must realise that by the law of averages he will bump into people and talk to them occasionally? It is your own insecurities which are fuelling this. Am I right?"

"But he was Louisa's fiancé and he still cares about her…!" Martin's voice tailed off.

"Speaking of ex-fiancés I didn't notice you turning Edith Montgomery away when she arrived at the surgery with some trumped up excuse about revising a paper!"

"But that's different!" he expostulated. "I was merely helping a colleague who asked for my assistance!"

"Really Martin? Inviting her into your home, flaunting her in front of your pregnant wife….? I can tell you that Edith was hoping for more. She was really put out when you turned out to be married, with a child on the way."

If anything, Martin was now even more depressed than when he arrived.

"You and Louisa are chalk and cheese. Your expectations and hers simply don't match up. I think you should go away and take a long hard look at yourself. I know you love her, just as much as she loves you, but if you keep pushing her away with your childish behaviour then eventually, she will get the message and leave you for good! Now, do you want any more advice or are you going now? Actually, I will give you one more piece of advice, you should sort out where your priorities lay, between your patients and your wife!"

Martin stood up. Joan had mentioned several things which had previously pricked his conscience and now he knew he'd have to give them more serious thought. If she had picked up on them, what must Louisa be thinking?

"Yes. I'm going. I'll let you know when Louisa comes back."

He let himself out of the cottage and drove away. Joan sat down again, hoping she'd done right and praying she'd not driven a bigger wedge between the two of them.

A short time later, Louisa came downstairs. She'd obviously washed her face to try and hide her crying jag. Walking into the kitchen she told Joan that she felt better, because of the nap. She got herself a glass of water and then sat down at the table.

Louisa looked despondently out of the windows. She could see the hen coop and to one side, the start of the vegetable patch. The sun was still shining brightly, in direct contrast to her mood. Spotting the pan on the stove she asked what was for tea?

"I put some mincemeat on, in a stew."

Louisa smiled as she hadn't had that for months. Before she married Martin in fact. Her face clouded when she thought of him. What was he doing? Had he found her note?

"Martin's been here, Louisa. I told him you weren't here though. Then I gave him a piece of my mind."

"What did he say? Did he tell you about what he'd accused me of?"

"Yes, he did. I think he had realised that it was extremely unfair of him to think you were cheating on him. I also mentioned the fact that he'd had no difficulty in bringing Edith to your home! It took him aback because in his mind he was only 'helping a colleague.' I told him that she wasn't treating it like that. I also asked him what else he expected you to do given that Portwenn is a small village and the law of averages says you will meet Danny from time to time, as he comes to visit his mother."

"Thank you, Joan. I appreciate that. I don't understand though, why he feels so threatened by Danny? I've emphasised over and over again that I don't love Danny at all. As far as I'm concerned, he's just an old friend from my younger days."

"I agree, but to Martin he represents a huge threat to your marriage. Danny is younger, conventionally handsome and to Martin's eyes a much more suitable a husband. Especially as he's as outgoing as you are and Martin isn't. Also I'm sure several of the villagers have told Martin that they expected you to marry Danny, as there's a 'history' between the two of you."

"Joan I've told Martin how much I love him, I'm pregnant with his child! Doesn't that count for anything?"

"Louisa, all his life he's been told he's not good enough at anything. Criticised for not being outgoing, not enjoying "manly" sports or even socialising effectively. It will take him time to adjust to the new version of himself and his place in your world."

"I know that, Joan. Lately, I've seen him stepping outside of his old ways of thinking and being more confident in himself. I guess I assumed, wrongly, that he was past all that."

"Well, you'll have to keep it at the back of your mind, and try and see things from his perspective. He does love you; I can attest to that, and he has made a start by agreeing to close the surgery on some of the Saturday mornings."

Louisa closed her eyes momentarily. Then she sat up straight and said, "Thank you for talking to me. I'll go back tomorrow and we'll see if we can sort this out."

Martin drove back to Fern Cottage and parked the car. He didn't feel up to going into an empty house and decided to walk up the hill to "their" bench. As he sat down, he looked out to sea and the view soothed his fevered imagination.

He knew he'd been very unfair to Louisa. As Auntie Joan had pointed out, she was bound to see Danny on occasion, with or without his connivance. Martin recognised that Danny stirred up a lot of animosity in him, but he didn't really know why. Was it the thought of the much younger man who seemed more in touch with Louisa's generation? Could it be he feared that Louisa would return to her former lover?

From what Auntie Joan said, maybe Louisa feared he would find Edith more attractive than her pregnant self? She'd not really said anything though, on that score. (He conveniently forgot their last row when she mentioned – London chic and svelte body.)

He thought about how he'd just left Louisa in the kitchen when Beth Sawle had phoned. He knew he could have put off leaving for a short time, in order to finish the conversation.

Looking back over their married life Martin thought about what he'd expected Louisa to do. He'd just expected her to adapt swiftly to his way of life. He acknowledged that Louisa was an outgoing person, fond of socialising and the best he could come up with was a meal out occasionally. That is, until they went to the Scilly Islands. Afterwards he had to say he'd enjoyed their outings and hadn't really felt too much under pressure. His only dark spot was her old school friend turning up. I didn't react well to that, he thought. Why?

Since coming back he'd enjoyed the visit to Chris and Carol's so why wasn't he prepared to do things that Louisa would enjoy? Eventually he was forced to conclude that he was frightened by the thought of her finding someone else, who would be more suitable as a husband, than he was.

He was ashamed to admit this, to himself. He was nearly 50! Was he going to let the love of his life fade away because of his own insecurities? Time to buck-up, Ellingham. Otherwise you will prove your father was correct in his assessment of you. Did he want that? Definitely not.

He sat and thought some more about what he could do to improve the situation. Obviously the first step would be to find Louisa and apologise for his jealousy. He knew that for certain she would have been deeply hurt by his accusation. Then, going forward, he would have to make an effort to escort her to more social activities, not simply expect her to sit and read at the end of the day, while he messed around with his clocks. Although he shrank from the idea, his innate sense of fairness meant he had to meet her halfway.

He nodded to himself, rose and made his way back to the cottage. He prepared a small meal and then went to do some more work on the latest clock he was mending. After a shower he walked into the bedroom and was immediately chilled by her absence. No, he definitely did not want to spend the remainder of his life like this!