I do not own Zootopia, that belongs to Disney. This a fan work made solely for the sake of amusement.
Interspecies Relationship Support Network- Tri-Burrow Chapter
Chapter Two: Real Estate
By: Gabriel LaVedier
"Travis... I'm a baker. I don't know nothin' 'bout property 'n' such," Gideon protested, standing close beside his friend.
"What is there to know? You bought your home and a business. You know that much," Travis replied.
"Well... Pepper told me what I would need after the bank told me what I could get. I just listened to what Pepper told me," Gideon admitted.
"And I didn't steer you wrong, did I?" Pepper asked with a huge smile and a lilt in her voice. "You and Sharla seem happy with the business and home. You can trust yourself in my paws."
"It still serves us to be informed consumers," Travis said. "Pep, you're part of all this so you know what would be helpful. Zeke has special requirements. I wish Jaguar was here. He'd know what Dr. Arctos needs, too."
"Far as I can tell, a bikini and sunglasses," Gideon quipped. "She looks like one-a them Jack Savage ladies, 'cept she's a doctor, an' not a spy."
"Jaguar sure got lucky. But I think we can all agree we all did," Travis said with a nod. "Orchard heiress, almost-astronaut, fellow real estate agent. Now let's get lucky with property. Pep, what's up first?"
"Well, as you see here, we're not that far down the main drag from the office. This is the closest one, going cheap," Pepper said, indicating a large, bland brick storefront with a large picture window, like so many others along the main street. It was very much like Gideon and Travis' own combined storefront-homes. "You know the square meter measurement, two floors, but it's gutted. So, we like to call that an Open Floor-plan. No counters, no desks, no cubicle or office walls, no kitchen equipment. Pure space, and a good amount."
"Well, it's familiar..." Travis mumbled, scratching the back of his head uncertainly.
"Even if ya take out all the walls 'n' such, ya still gotta put folks upstairs and downstairs less ya wanna stand around. Probably gotta cut a hole in the ceiling so as we all can talk," Gideon noted.
"I know you have to sell property in town, Pep, but we need something better than this. The space really has to be a little more spread out," Travis said.
"Well, no harm in trying. Keep it in mind, if you franchise, Gideon, or if you want a Dreyson storefront, Travis," Pepper said, checking her clipboard. "Rob really needs to work on his work ethic. This collection of listings is... not really what I asked for. That buck, I swear..."
"I'd offer to trade you Kenneth but... Jaguar and I like Kenneth. He's a good worker and always cheerful," Travis said with a smile.
"Well, nothing to do about it. Life happens sometimes, and he did at least give me some of the promising listings that I asked for. I don't think we need to tour them all. You can tell me what you think of some of these. For instance, how does the old abandoned Veggie-Tech factory out on the outskirts strike you?" Pepper asked.
"Wait... wasn't that place condemned as an illegal death-trap? I thought Veggie-Tech itself was sued into oblivion after all those workers at the factory in Podunk died in that fire," Travis said.
"Rob... I need to offload this white isopod but just as the land, with the need to demolish the factory."
"We ain't got the money fer that. But we ain't poor!" Gideon quickly said, thrusting a finger into the air as he did.
"Not saying you are. This would take a big company. This thing is going to hang over my head forever..." Pepper sighed and flipped to her next listing. "One acre open prop... Rob! This is literally one acre of open grassland in the middle of somewhere that I bought at a Burrow auction. I bid on a blind lot hoping for valuable property. You wanna have it in a field?"
"'Snough room I guess..." Gideon said. "Might need some extras to make it comfortable."
"More money we don't quite have. But keep it. Like you say, Big Daddy might want us to have the next orchard. One acre isn't much but it's a start," Travis noted.
"I'll slip it to the bottom. Now the next one actually seems like of promising. The Arklay manor. I hear they finally got the report that there are no actual ghosts on the property."
"They didn't say nothin' about zombies, and that was what all the rumors said," Gideon huffed. "'Sides, it's another white isopod. Fixin' it up's a project for rich out-of-towners. We got money, nobody can say we don't, but not out-of-town money."
"It's a tempting prospect. I'm almost certain if we passed the hat we could gather up the funds but I'm also almost certain the reactions would be the same as the one Gideon gave. There's no indication that there are zombies, and there probably aren't ghosts, but that isn't certain," Travis said. "I hope you can unload it on some out-of-towners, it'll be nice to get it fixed up."
"It would sure make the community look nice. I swear, it isn't a money pit. It's got excellent bones," Pepper said.
"That's the problem, too many bones," Gideon mumbled.
"That was never proven, the old cemetery was built on a catty-corner lot, and they moved everything to the new graveyard and memorial museum," Pepper countered. "Well... I think I found what you want. A barn. A big one. Bear-scale and all."
"Bear scale? Well, that'd take care of all the folks I know we have. Biggest one's Dr. Arctos. So this is alright. We might need to add in some features for smaller folks, maybe modify some stairs or throw in some pulleys and things to use the upper area. It's got a loft, right?" Travis asked.
"Absolutely. It's extra large, it's by some transmission lines for easy power access, it, oh, has a septic system. Used to be part of a full woodland homestead but the property owners moved to Zootopia after they'd made a good bit of money. The main house was sold as a separate lot but the barn was placed far enough away that it's considered a separate property. There's plenty of trees between the two so there shouldn't be issues with the neighbors. Which... there currently aren't any. Another agent is taking care of that part," Pepper said, sounding extra cheerful.
"A barn... I think it'll do," Gideon said, cautiously.
"Pep, think we could get a ride out to get a look at it?" Travis queried.
"You know it! Come on, let's get to it," Pepper happily chirped.
o o o
"So here it is. It doesn't look like a lot right now, but, that's the kind of thing you should expect from these kinds of modest fix-up places," Pepper said, indicating the property. They were in the middle of a clearing abutting the woods, though some trees ringed them in roughly on three sides, the access road to it meeting the main road, which showed transmission lines running down it. A line had been run from the mains to the barn itself.
The barn had been designed along traditional lines, just in an expanded size to suit the larger folk it had serviced in its time. It was the classic red barn, though the paint had faded into a kind of tired-looking rusty off-pink. The white trim was grayish and showed the wood beneath. Despite that the wood itself was seemingly sturdy, without termite damage or other indicators of being worn or dangerous. A single, large sliding door allowed entry to the interior, showing mostly empty space and the huge, sturdy central beams that held up the roof and loft area.
The loft only took up a portion of the upper area, the full floor covering half of the area halfway up the barn, with two narrow sections along the walls leading to the area above the door, with another narrow strip along that wall, leaving a rectangular hole. Most of the area was very open, few structures there save for some partitions full of sawdust and bark pieces, probably wood storage. The stairs up to the loft were discreetly placed in a far stall on the right.
"Well, it's got the room we want..." Travis said, stepping through the huge door, which reminded him of nothing so much as the giant gate in that Game of Rings movie he had watched. Given the scale of the usual barn, sizing it up for bears was quite a thing. "And we can afford this?"
"It's rural property with very few amenities that usually motivate buyers. The price is very depressed," Pepper explained.
"Best not wait too long, or some Fif'll come along an' help it out," Gideon joked.
"It'll be an easy sell to the group, that's for sure. The Network will probably provide for the purchase, I'm sure Big Daddy will gladly chip in a few bucks for extras, and we can whip the hat around to take up the slack if we want more," Travis said with a nod.
"I can misplace the down payment stuff for a little while. Honest mistake. My intern makes them now and then," Pepper said with a wink.
"Aww, Pep..." Travis shook his head and chuckled. "You're better than that. We're all better than that. I know you're just trying to be nice but we wanna do this all good and legal."
"We're a 101(D) organization. The bank has great rates, we ain't gonna be on the hook for the whole thing long as we have the organization behind us," Gideon said, prompting stares from Pepper and Travis. "What? I ain't dumb; Sharla's always tellin' me I'm her bright tod. Jaguar told me the Network is a charity and takes up the slack with good rates."
"Dues and donations, it all works out," Travis said with a nod. "I'll talk to the organization head. They'll be the ones putting their bucks down on the barrel head, and our names go on the papers because we're the ones that are the heads of this chapter. It should be quick. They can wire money over into the bank's account in a few days. And Jaguar and I can do the stuff like insurance. It's what we do."
"What should we do after we actually get the place?" Pepper asked, looking the place over with a practiced eye, as though sizing it up for decorations.
"Well, I'm sure Sharla's gonna want some kinda satellite fer the internet. I get her outta the house an' she loves it, but she does love her internet. And I guess she does have work stuff now an' then," Gideon said while tapping one chubby cheek.
"Seeing the inside we're gonna need some Zootopia-style multi-scale infrastructure, plus a system to take stuff up to the loft area. Both problems might have the same solution. I suggested pulleys. Gid, can Sharla whip up some kind of little system of pulleys and levers?"
Gideon gave a good, deep belly laugh, holding onto his stomach. "Travis, she's been ta school jes fer that! Well, not fer that but like that. She can land somethin' on the moon, she builds lil robots an' flyin' gewgaws. She can make us a lil elevator fer folks like the Martens and a big lift fer supplies."
"Some paint, a little landscaping, generally cleaning and sprucing up, just like any new property purchase. We've just got a lot more paws, and plenty of specialty folk. Sharla can make up the mechanical things, Bobby can get a sound system so everyone can hear, we've got plenty of folks to make up hotdish buffets for predators, prey and in between," Pepper said. "We can think of getting more members without having to worry about getting squeezed. Gotta ask because the more kids, the bigger chance. Any of your brothers-in-law gonna need our services?"
"I've been keeping an eye on that," Travis said with a laugh. "Big Daddy's been pretty quiet about it, he's got no problem with Outsiders or other folks, but he likes to think he's mysterious. It's pretty obvious that he's been coincidentally introducing Jules to a lot of slightly older predator women while he works for the orchard. Now the highest number was six years, it's not weird. I think he just thinks Jules needs someone established. And that Jules has his room plastered with predator models."
"Outsiders aren't often subtle. I sure wasn't," Pepper chuckled. "It was easier for me, lots of bunnies around to sigh about, but there wasn't anyone for me but Zeke. Knew it the minute I saw him."
"Well, that's a story we all know. Even if she was all over-grown, jes a big black lump-a lanolin and twisty wool braids, Sharla was beautiful as the ripest harvest, and twice as sweet as all the berries on a bush," Gideon sighed. "Sol Invictus et Sancta Terra I love that ewe."
"How are we doing this? Shake on it until they wire the money and send the electronic signatures? Being a Notary I can do most of this stuff. We just need approval from the bank," Travis said.
"Like Gideon said, they'll give you a favorable rate. You might get dirty looks from that sour Alma Artia but she hasn't worked in home loans since she tried redlining some Division folks," Pepper said. "Who'd you get when you got the loan for your shop-homes you two?"
"Well... I got Alma... but then Mr. Alces stepped in when I got the feeling she wasn't treating me as nice as she seemed. He finished off all my loan stuff," Gideon replied.
"I got Brenda Castor. She'll talk both your ears off but she was really professional about it. Are you two related, Pep? I never heard so much talking. And she's got that little bit of underbite, just enough that her teeth click, and it sounds like Morse code when she really gets jawing."
Pepper chuckled softly, inviting the two back to her re-rigged well-cared-for Boutavant Chavapa station wagon. It was a car model designed for those of about Gideon's size, which meant that she had had the common aftermarket addition of small scale modifications. Pedal boosters, an inflated foam seat, extra side and rear view mirrors, and an angled mirror to get a better over-the-wheel view. It wasn't a big change, but enough. "I'm not aware of any beaver in my family tree, but it wouldn't be an unwelcome addition."
Gideon and Travis buckled up in the back and settled into contemplative looks. "Well, we know Mr. Alces will keep things civil. And Brenda's got good relations with us since her cousin in Zootopia is married to a fisher. I'll call the Network head as soon as I get back to the office, get all the paperwork started and all that. You and I can razzle-dazzle him into getting him on board for this."
"I dunno, Travis... yer a lawyer, or near enough, ya do that kinda thing. I'm a fox that never learned the razzle-dazzle, my parents were hateful critters that never held with smart stuff like that. Should we call Judy's husband? He's got some moon-tongue in him."
"Come on, Gid, we can do this. It's our responsibility to do stuff for the Network. We need to be up to the task if we hope to keep being leaders," Travis insisted.
Gideon sighed and slumped back. "Yer right, Travis... sometimes, ya gotta tell me what I know. Sharla tells me that's how ya learn, and she'd know."
o o o
"We're on the hook, in one sense or another. It's all about dues and donations, but, charities like this maintain properties like ours all the time. They're just usually in the city where they have more certain control over things," Travis said, leaning back in his second-paw office chair. He was in the office he shared with Jaguar, another open floor-plan type building, both of them working in front of the big picture window announcing their business and the skills they offered.
"They stretch out, right? I mean, we have a Zootopian Plenty food bank here," Jaguar replied.
"But those are usually planned decisions by the central authority that are more carefully calculated. Remember a while back I mentioned they never thought we'd have that many folks? They didn't plan for infrastructure or anything because we're just a rural town in the sticks. They didn't think that three burrows of folks could add up to many. Maybe they even thought we just didn't have many interspecies couples here, like we're all ignorant farmers. I remember what folks said when I told them where I was from."
Jaguar nodded sagely. "They had very... limited thoughts about our level of sophistication. That's how it is with the big city. Uncle Renato always told me it was better if I stayed there, where it was sophisticated, that a four like me would never fit in out in the country. He was wrong, and they're wrong too."
"City folk. Moon bless them, they don't know half what they think they do, especially about things out here," Travis chuckled. He looked around the office space and drummed his fingers on the desk. "Where's Kenneth?"
"Ms. Arctica sent him to the Martens' for lunch," Jaguar answered.
Travis rubbed his head softly and called out, "Ms. Arctica!"
From a desk set up by the entrance to the business a petite, svelte arctic fox vixen came, dressed in a black pencil skirt and a frilly white blouse. Unlike most, she also had on leg and paw attire, net stockings and medium heel shoes. "Yes, Mr. Dreyson?"
"Kenneth Hopps is a cheerful, overly accommodating, maybe a little too-nice rabbit. I know he'll happily pop off to the Martens' to pick up an order even if he hates the smell of fish, but he's our paid intern, not someone who you can order around, Sylvia."
Sylvia scoffed and grinned. "He asked me if I wanted something from there. He likes fried vegetables and was going there anyhow. He's even getting something for everyone with petty cash, he remembers what everyone likes."
Travis snorted and checked his papers. "Did Mr. Alces call from the bank yet?"
"Not yet. I checked this morning but there hadn't been any news," Sylvia answers. "Can I go back to my desk now?"
Travis rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair again. "Of course you can. Is this the only secretarial job available in Bunnyburrow?"
"You're the nicest boss in the Tri-Burrows, seriously. I just get away with everything I can because otherwise I'd go nuts," Sylvia giggled. As soon as she sat down she languidly waved. "Welcome back, Kenny."
Kenneth pushed the glass door of the business open with one cocked hip, a bright smile on his face as he swept in carrying huge paper bags and a drink caddy loaded with soda cups. He was another Hopps bunny, with the usual stature and facial construction, with his coat being one of the rarer found in the family, a lilac point look with a pale chocolate face, hands, paw and tail, the rest of him a light cream. He wore a nicely fitted dark blue single-breasted suit with a bright carrot-print tie. "Hey there, Sylvia! I got your food here. Oh, and the same for you, Mr. Manchas, Mr. Dreyson, and change for the cash box!"
Travis waved it off and huffed. "Keep it. A tip for Sylvia making you go out of your way. You're allowed to turn her down, you know, and just got to The Grease Trap like I know you would if she wasn't making you do otherwise."
"Well, shoot, Mr. Dreyson, I don't mind. All my work was done, and Sylvia works really hard. It's no big deal to be a generous guy. It's what the sanctuary tells me makes a better world, and I gotta agree that it's a great thing."
"I tend to forget you're one of the Sanctuary Hoppses and not the Church Hoppses, that's something I more expect out of the Zootopians," Travis said.
"Ever since I found it I haven't looked back. It just suits me!" Kenneth chirped as he reached into the bag and distributed the food after taking cursory sniffs of each package.
"I'm sure I'll go some day. For right now, I like barking at the moon," Sylvia commented, taking a bite out of a thick fried fish fillet. "Mmm, full fillet, not a mince. Gotta love Mrs. Marten's generosity. I should thank her." The phone rang as she was eating, and she had to take the time to swallow before answering. "Dreyson and Manchas, how may I help you today?" She listened to the phone for a short while, nodding as she did. "Thank you, I'll tell him. Mr. Dreyson?"
"Yes?"
"That was Mr. Alces. Congratulations. You and Mr. Ovine are the proud owners of a barn."
Author's Notes
Veggie-Tech and the fire- I'm not really the biggest fan of Fallout. Most of the elements are too... stupid. They're plain stupid and they never make sense, especially since some of the discovered tech should revitalize the world. Also, Vault-Tec is the most simultaneously evil and ridiculous company ever, and also seems to be an author filibuster for hard-core Natural News-style anti-science wingnuttery. So, I wanted to evoke that, except there they're making food, and got sued into oblivion. As for the fire that's more meant to be a reference to the infamous Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, where greed and poor safety protocols led them to chain the doors shut, which lead to people burning alive or leaping to their deaths trying to escape from the roof.
White Isopod- The equivalent of white elephant, mostly useless, interesting to look at but nothing else. Maybe edible but meant to be cared for.
Arklay Manor- Just a bit of Resident Evil humor.
The Old Graveyard- And here we have an Amityville reference.
Fif- The generic, collective term for the priests and priestesses of the Solaterra Church, Fifrah is the masculine form, and Fiffarah is the feminine form. Gideon has a bit of slightly dark humor here, as the Solaterra church helped him out of his depression.
101(D) Organization- An exceptionally nerdy joke. Obviously it means 101 Dalmatians. But it's meant to evoke 501(C)3 charitable organizations, because I like to watch a YouTube show that mentioned the specific status of their organization and drilled it into my head.
Boutavant Chavapa- Sort of a reference that I used in "The Translation of Dawn Bellwether", it's a car company name formed from Marc Boutavant, the creator of the Mouk series. Here, the car's model is named after Mouk's friend and traveling companion, the snow leopard Chavapa.
Moon-Tongue- Gideon's reaching back to his old Holy Selenic Convocation days. Moon-tongue meant glib, slick, having the gift of gab, derived from the Selenic practice of speaking in tongues, which was usually quick and smoothly done, giving the impression of a slick speaker.
A Four like me- Jaguar is giving his interspecies scale number. He's a four, meaning he's past the preference tipping point and probably has no interest in fellow jaguars but still is very interested in fellow predators, as demonstrated by his interest in Dr. Arctos. Renato's comment also reflects a belief that a rural area would be too ignorant to accept someone that strayed that far from their own kind, like they might grudgingly tolerate a two, one or zero and might not automatically shun and chase off a three.
Sylvia D. Arctica- As Kenneth is based off of a character played by Jack McBrayer, I thought it would be funny to keep it up by naming another after Sylvia from Wander Over Yonder. The D, of course stands for Dorothy, from Golden Girls, Sylvia's species being a Zbornak, named for Dorothy Zbornak just for fun. And Arctica to make it sound like Sonata Arctica, a power metal band that a good friend of mine loves.