CHAPTER 9
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Diary of Dracule Mihawk, entry #960:
I cannot fathom why the Ghost Girl bothers to come out and watch Roronoa's training sessions. She doesn't watch the whole time, but the fact that she bothers to watch at all puzzles me. Then again, she appears to derive a lot of enjoyment from poking fun at him while he trains. I suppose it is an amusing sight. Roronoa is a long way from being able to defeat me.
… … …
Perona had, from the start, found it mildly interesting to observe Zoro's training. She never stayed for long; only watching for fifteen minutes to half an hour at a time before she got bored and drifted back to the castle.
It was fun to laugh at Zoro's mishaps, offer ironic suggestions, or drop pithy one-liners that annoyed him. Over time, these were now reduced to just the ironic suggestions and pithy one-liners. She still laughed at his mishaps, but far less frequently. Those had been funny at first because the whole thing looked so lopsided – Mihawk often dispatched Zoro without even batting an eyelid. Then slowly, gradually, the humorous mishaps lost the comic factor and grew more serious as Zoro improved.
Though Mihawk still beat him easily, Perona felt the difference. At the beginning, he was all frustration and blind determination; there was a rawness to his fighting style that spoke of a great deal of physical power and very little – if any – finesse. When he got frustrated, he would resort to brute-force attacking methods that Mihawk would defeat easily. (Mihawk harped a lot about finesse and elegance and conservation of energy.) Now, half a year into the training, some of that had been tempered. Zoro still got frustrated, and there still was a certain raw feeling to his moves. But he lasted longer in training fights, made slightly smarter choices, held his own ground better.
It did make the training more interesting to watch.
There was also the added benefit of it being just pleasing to the eye.
Perona would have died rather than admit it to anyone, but watching the training sessions could be rewarding (at least before boredom overcame her) because Roronoa Zoro was a rather fine-looking male specimen. A fine-looking male specimen who was at his best when he was fighting. It put a spark of something into him – made him seem more vibrant and alive. Also, he liked wearing tight-fitting white T-shirts that really showed off his physique.
His body wasn't anything new to her, really. She'd seen enough of it when she had to patch him up after Kuma delivered him to her doorstep. But her main thoughts then had been: I hope he doesn't wake up before I'm done with the bandages. He'll probably kill me immediately. Once they'd reached much more amicable terms, she found that she was at leisure to admire how his T-shirts moulded to his figure. Thriller Bark had had spectacular zombies, but she had not had much exposure to well-built, normal (or relatively normal) men. With some people, such an outfit might have been chosen on purpose. But she didn't think Zoro was the type to show off anything but his fighting skills. That made it easier to appreciate. If he had been strutting about like a peacock she would not have been quite as keen to treat him as eye candy.
Now that she knew the driving force behind his desire to become the best, everything about the training sessions carried more significance. When he failed to best his teacher and got annoyed, it wasn't merely about not being good enough yet. It was that he needed to succeed for a higher purpose than mere ego. The way he clung to that promise was admirable. But the whole Kuina thing was feeling more and more like a thorn in her side – more so because there existed a Kuina lookalike in the form of a Navy officer. It shouldn't bother her, really…
The little ghost in her head whispered that there was good reason for it.
Shut up, you. I don't want to think about nonsense like that.
"What's wrong with you today?" Mihawk's voice startled her out of her thoughts.
"Huh? Nothing's wrong. What makes you think that?"
"You sit there, unmoving, staring blankly ahead. Usually when you get bored you go scurrying off to the castle."
"I was just thinking about dinner," she lied.
"Hmm." He turned to look at Zoro, who was hauling a huge rock out of the woods. "Make haste, Roronoa. You took so long to get the rock that Ghost Girl here started daydreaming about tonight's menu. I'm feeling twinges of tedium as well."
Zoro wiped sweat off his brow and snarled, "I'm not entertainment!"
"Are you sure?" said Mihawk.
Perona bit back a laugh.
Zoro glowered at them both as he set the rock in a spot that Mihawk chose. He muttered something about it being too hot and proceeded to take off his shirt. Perona forgot about Kuina for a while.
… … …
Kuraigana was prone to heavy rain, and on some days the rain came down so hard that the raindrops felt like little blunt needles stabbing the skin. On such days, Zoro was often confined to doing his strength and stamina training indoors ("No sword training indoors. I do not wish to run the risk of the castle getting cut in half," Mihawk had said). It was on one of these days that, after running up and down the stairs a hundred times, he discovered the Most Popular Warlord Rankings.
He had gone into the dining hall in search of liquid refreshment. Having discovered and emptied a bottle of water and a bottle of beer, his eye fell upon the newspaper that Mihawk – or Perona – had left on the table. A brilliant blue headline in the top left corner caught his eye. It read:
Which Warlord is the Best? See our feature article inside!
That seemed like a good distraction. He sat down and turned the pages until he found the article.
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COO NEWS READERS RANK THE WARLORDS
We asked you who your favourite warlords are and you answered! So here are the results of our poll in ascending order:
#8 – Gekko Moriah (1412 votes)
It is perhaps not surprising that Gekko Moriah came in last. Poor Moriah lost his warlord status after the chaos at Marineford. However even before that, his strangeness and his ghoulish Thriller Bark struck fear but no admiration in few others.
Voter comments:
"He can steal shadows! If that's not cool then I don't know what is."
"Moriah's creeeepy."
"He's a Warlord?"
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#7 – Marshall D. Teach, a.k.a. Blackbeard (1604 votes)
Blackbeard burst onto the scene when he broke away from Whitebeard, and his confrontation with Portgas D. Ace eventually led to the incident at Marineford. Some applaud him for the capture of Gol D. Roger's son. Others may find his cunning nature appealing, but most people think him less than appealing.
Voter comments:
"ZEHAhaha! Blackbeard has an awesome laugh!"
"He fought and defeated Firefist Ace! That means he's really strong."
"He's kinda ugly."
"I loved Ace. I hate Blackbeard."
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#6 – Crocodile (2600 votes)
For a disgraced Warlord, Crocodile sure did rack up a good number of votes! He may have been imprisoned, but rumour has it that there was a massive prison break at Impel Down and Crocodile was among the escapees. Crocodile always did have his fans, however. He came in second when we last ran our Warlords Popularity Poll five years ago!
Voter comments:
"Crocodile has style~ Croco-style!"
"He gets my vote for having savvy business sense. I've been to Alabasta, and Rain Dinners was a really good casino."
"He looks scary."
...
Zoro wished they'd skipped the voter comments or both the voter comments and the descriptions. He wasn't that interested in it. So he merely skimmed the other ranks, without bothering about the comments. Where was Mihawk in all this? That was what he wanted to know.
He flipped the pages until the found Mihawk's picture. And he couldn't believe it.
In first place, with a whopping 10,350 votes (almost two thousand more votes than the runner-up), was Dracule Mihawk.
He's the Greatest Swordsman in the World, and now he can also call himself the most popular Warlord. The readers have spoken, and Dracule Mihawk is the Warlord. He's impressive and imposing, with a sort of moody attractiveness and a most impressive skill set. Admired by the common folk, and avoided by pirates, Mihawk is the epitome of the Warlords. If scaring other pirates away isn't what the Ouka Shichibukai do, then what use are they? Mihawk-sama, for your broody charm, your remarkable skill with the sword, and your perfect encapsulation of the title "Warlord of the Ouka Shichibukai", we crown you "Mr. Seven Warlords"! (Yes, we know there are more – or fewer – than seven of them now, depending on how you look at it, but "Mr. Seven Warlords" works better.)
Zoro's facial muscles twitched. The Warlord? The epitome of the Warlords? Mr. Seven Warlords? What sort of stupidity was this?
Voter comments:
"Mihawk is so amazing! I want to be his apprentice someday – if he takes apprentices."
"Dracule Mihawk is so cool!"
"He's the most handsome Warlord. Seriously, have you looked at the rest of them? (Apart from Boa Hancock, that is.)"
"He doesn't say much, does he? But that just adds to his mystique~"
Zoro thought he was going to be sick.
"I'm not sure I understand why people like him so much."
He nodded emphatically. One sane comment in that overflowing sea of sickening praise.
"Admiring my photograph, Roronoa?"
Zoro jumped at Mihawk's sudden appearance. He spluttered, "Admiring it? No way am I admiring that ridiculous thing." He pointed at the photograph, which featured a stern-faced, topless Mihawk holding his sword, Yoru.
"Does it make you feel self-conscious?" asked Mihawk, calmly taking a seat and pouring himself a glass of wine. "Or are you envious?"
"What? No. It's – it's embarrassing that I should be training under a guy who'd willingly be photographed like that for an article like this!"
"At least I am popular, Roronoa. I am the World's Greatest Swordsman and 'Mr. Seven Warlords'. What are you?" Mihawk looked pointedly at Zoro.
"I… I'm a Supernova!"
"Oh," said Perona, and Zoro jumped again. "There was –"
Zoro interrupted her, saying, "When did you get here?"
"When you were saying something about being embarrassed. Anyway, there was a Supernova popularity poll last month. You came in tenth."
Zoro's face clouded over immediately and he thought he felt several blood vessels burst in his forehead. "TENTH? Out of how many?"
"Don't you even know how many Supernovas there are?" Perona rolled her eyes.
"There are eleven, Roronoa," said Mihawk. He poured out another glass of wine and offered it to Perona.
"Who was first?" demanded Zoro. "And second? And all the rest?"
Perona accepted the wine from Mihawk. "I think first was Jewelry Bonney. Then, hmm… Eustass Kidd." She held up the fingers of her free hand as she continued with the list. "No, wait. Jewelry Bonney, then X Drake. And then Eustass Kidd. Fourth, Trafalgar Law. Followed by your captain, Straw Hat Luffy." Having reached five, she proceeded to close her fingers one by one in reverse order. "Killer, Basil Hawkins, Urouge. That's eight. Scratchmen Apoo, you, and then Capone 'Gang' Bege."
"What sort of idiots voted in this poll?" exclaimed Zoro.
"People with sense," said Perona. "Except for those who picked Killer over Hawkins. Killer's just Kidd's first mate, whereas Basil Hawkins is a captain in his own right! What's a first mate to a captain?"
"Hey!" interjected Zoro, but Perona either didn't notice or didn't care and went on talking.
"Killer's only signature is that stupid mask. Who knows what he looks like under it? He could look like the Pirate Prince or he could look like… Blackbeard." Perona shuddered. "Hawkins, on the other hand… He has that chilling air of mystery about him that's so appealing. And he has that interesting Devil Fruit too! He can predict the future or something like that. So cool."
"Until he falls into the sea," muttered Zoro.
"Jealous, Roronoa?"
Zoro glared at Mihawk, who was placidly staring at him over his wineglass. "No! Why do you keep assuming I'm jealous?" Then he turned to Perona, saying, "Where's that stupid article? I want to see it! That can't be right."
Perona went over to the corner where they usually left the more recent issues of the Coo News, looked through the stack and took out the relevant issue. She turned the pages until she found the article and handed the newspaper to him. He read the rankings with increasing annoyance.
1. Jewelry "Big Eater" Bonney – 5770 votes
2. X Drake, "The Red Flag" – 5481 votes
3. Eustass "Captain" Kidd – 5001 votes
4. Trafalgar Law, "The Surgeon of Death" – 4934
5. Monkey D. Luffy, "Straw Hat" – 4556
6. Killer, "Murder Machine" – 3920
7. Basil Hawkins, "The Magician" – 3444
8. Urouge, "The Mad Monk" – 3225
9. Scratchmen "Roar of the Seas" Apoo – 1800
10. Roronoa Zoro, "The Pirate Hunter" – 1799
11. Capone "Gang" Bege – 1303
What – how – why the hell was he so low in the rankings? He had a reputation, damn it! He was the Pirate Hunter, Roronoa Zoro! People were deathly afraid of him! And he wasn't that bad-looking either. So how had he ended up in tenth place?! He turned his attention to the voter comments for himself.
"His three-sword style is pretty darn cool!"
He liked this person.
"What's so special about the stupid three swords thing?"
He didn't like this one.
"His hair looks like moss."
Had this person been talking to the Curlybrow?! Or was it the stupid ero-cook himself? He'd kill him when he next saw him.
Next, Zoro took a closer look at the accompanying pictures, most of which looked like they were lifted from the wanted posters.
Jewelry Bonney. Oh, the girl with the pink hair and the crazy lipstick.
"She's a Supernova?" he exclaimed.
Perona said, "Jewelry Bonney? Do you know her or something?"
"Kind of…" He had a memory of some weird kid-who-wasn't-a-kid flinging herself at him just before he attacked the Celestial Dragon guy and pretending to cry over his supposedly dead body. Come to think of it, that wasn't average human speed… And how did she change from a kid to an adult? She must have some sort of Devil Fruit.
Besides Luffy, he recognised Kidd and Law and Killer, but none of the rest. Looking at the picture of Scratchmen Apoo really ticked him off though.
"I lost by ONE VOTE to that ass?!"
"Apoo collected quite a number of fans after he defeated several popular deejays in the underground club scene," said Perona. "It's written right there. And it's not all about looks, you know. Otherwise Hawkins would have ranked higher than Killer."
Zoro's fingers curled in, crumpling the newspaper at the sides. Why was Perona so hung up on Hawkins? The guy looked like a creepy scarecrow!
… … …
Perona thought that the weather was most unenviable. If she had been a normal human, she absolutely would not have bothered watching any of the training sessions since it would have meant going out in that humid weather and getting unnecessarily dirty just tramping across the muddy ground. But she was not entirely normal – she had a Devil Fruit power – and one that was extremely convenient for going places without needing to subject herself to uncomfortable weather. She watched Zoro and Mihawk from where her astral form perched atop a rock, with two hollows floating around her.
Zoro had redoubled his training efforts in the last few of days. She wondered if it had anything to do with the Coo News polls. It was possible. He insisted that he didn't care, and that it was ridiculous that Mihawk was perfectly fine with something so "embarrassing". But he had been grumpier than usual, spending even more time training or exercising. She had asked if he wanted to do another reading lesson, but he'd snapped a curt "no, I have no time for it" so she'd shrugged her shoulders and let it go.
It was at times like that that Perona really wished she had a female companion on the island. It would be much more fun if she had someone with whom she could sit and gossip (and complain) about Zoro and Mihawk. It would also be less boring around the castle, especially when the men were wrapped up in their sword stuff.
One hollow nuzzled her neck and smiled up at her. She petted its head. Well, her hollows were better than nothing, although talking to them wasn't very satisfactory.
A ringing crash and a thud brought her attention back to the men. Zoro was panting and staring at his sword, which lay on the ground several metres away.
Mihawk gave it a brief glance then looked at her. "Get me some wine, Ghost Girl."
"Not your servant!" she snapped.
"Get me some wine, please, Ghost Girl."
Perona made a face and floated off, grumbling to herself. She particularly disliked this sort of request. It meant that she would have to come out of her ghostly state since she could not carry a bottle of wine through walls along with her. That in turn meant walking all the way and getting mud on her shoes. Ick.
Ten minutes later, she was back there again but with a bottle of wine and wineglasses.
"Thank you," said Mihawk. Whatever his other faults, Mihawk at least knew how to say thank you. She appreciated that. If he'd been exactly like Zoro, she would've ditched them both at first opportunity.
She poured out three glasses of wine and handed each man one glass, taking the last herself.
Zoro downed his portion in moments and was holding his sword out at an angle, as if trying to catch a reflection or something in the blade.
"Using the sword as a mirror now?" asked Perona. "Wouldn't have thought it of you."
"Ha-ha. You think you're so funny. I'm checking for cracks!" Zoro said.
Mihawk swirled the wine in his glass. "Has a sword of yours ever broken?"
"Well, yeah. You broke two of mine!"
Perona did not find that very surprising. Mihawk could probably break swords just by looking at them if he wanted to.
"Those blades wouldn't have broken had they been imbued with haki," said Mihawk. "When every nick in your blade is a blemish on your pride, all swords can be Black Swords."
Black sword? She wondered what that was. Was he referring to his giant black sword? Perhaps it was the class of sword.
"Until you master haki, no alcohol for you."
"What?!" exclaimed Zoro.
Perona gasped. Stared. Then laughed.
She still found it somewhat funny the next day when Zoro was eyeing Mihawk's drinks with envy at lunch and dinner and every spare minute in between. It was the longing stares that she found amusing; those were expressions she had never seen before on his face. To his credit, Zoro didn't complain – much. He only went as far as the occasional gripe about it and longing stares in the direction of any alcoholic drink in his line of sight. She felt a little sorry for him. It was hard to be deprived of something one liked. But the teacher had issued a decree and the student had to follow it.
However, he pulled himself together several days into the alcohol ban and the longing stares were no more, although he had taken to standing on the ramparts for periods of meditation. Presumably that was his way of dealing with it.
Such a pity, she thought, as she drifted into the wine cellar, accompanied by her hollows. Well, it was fun while it lasted.
Perona inspected the bottles of wine, checking to see if there was still wine she could use for cooking. Mihawk had a well-stocked wine cellar but he had rather strict rules about what she could use for cooking and what she couldn't. Some wines, according to him, were not to be wasted on food.
Having satisfied herself that yes, the appropriate wine was still available and she could get started on cooking lunch, she proceeded up towards the ceiling again, meaning to return later and get the wine she needed. But she stopped short as she reached the ceiling.
If Zoro can't have any alcohol, does that mean chicken with red wine sauce is off the menu? Hmmm.
As she pondered the matter, something caught her eye: a small dark-coloured rectangle lodged in between two bottles on one of the upper racks.
Could it be…?
Forgetting all about lunch, Perona darted over to look at it.
It could be, and it was Mihawk's diary! She'd thought she would never see it again! Oh, what a splendid chance!
Carefully, she withdrew the diary from between the bottles, noting exactly which ones they were. She stayed there, floating in the same spot so she wouldn't forget. It would not do for Mihawk to find out that she'd read his diary again. She turned to the page where a bookmark lay. She made a mental note of the page in case she dislodged the bookmark somehow.
The marked pages contained three short entries. Clearly, they were the most recent ones he had written.
#982
Ghost Girl suggested today that I return the sword to Zoro before the week is up. She seemed to think it important that he has it with him, even if he doesn't use it. How does she know and what does she know? I sense intrigue.
Perona frowned. She moved on to the two earlier entries.
#981
Roronoa let his temper get the better of him today in training and he threw his sword at me. I think he was aiming for my face. But I caught it and he isn't getting it back for a week.
That'll teach him to throw swords away in a rage.
Zoro had thrown Wado Ichimonji at Mihawk's face? How silly. She shook her head. But he must have been feeling really frustrated that day. It was rather unlike him.
#980
I am beginning to come around to the idea that despite the squabbling, those two would make a good couple. Akagami once bragged that he'd be a good matchmaker. Wonder what he'd do with these two.
Perona almost dropped the diary. What? Who was Mihawk talking about? Surely not – not herself and Roronoa Zoro! She must have misread it.
She re-read it.
"Despite the squabbling." "Those two." "A good couple."
He had to be referring to them. It wouldn't make sense otherwise. But it didn't make sense that way either!
Or did it?
Suddenly, Perona didn't feel like reading it anymore. She closed the diary, slid it back into place on the rack, then fled through the walls and ceilings to her bedroom.
The words in Mihawk's diary gnawed at her. Despite the squabbling, those two would make a good couple. Despite the squabbling… A good couple. A good couple?!
He had to be imagining things. She and Zoro did not make a good couple. She didn't even – well, okay, she did think he was good-looking. That square jawline. Those intense eyes. That toned physique which looked really good in tight white T-shirts.
Perona – now back in her body – clutched a pillow to her chest. One hollow disappeared, and the other hovered beside her and looked at her curiously.
No. No, no, no. She thought Zoro was good-looking, and that was it. That's not something on which to base suppositions of potential romantic relationships. Mihawk was dreaming.
Hiding under the blanket while still clutching the pillow made her feel only a tiny bit better. For a few moments.
Perona stared at the underside of the blanket. The only sound was that of her breathing and of the ticking of the clock on the opposite wall. The remaining hollow slipped through the blanket and huddled next to her face.
"You're too close," she muttered, waving it away. The hollow vanished.
Zoro was attractive, but he could hardly be said to be charming. He could be irritating, he was constantly getting lost, he was obsessed with swords, and he was not cute. But… He had a roguish smile that made rare appearances, and a hearty laugh that she found likeable. He was tough and determined, and proud, but not so proud that he wouldn't take lessons from Mihawk – or even from herself. He clearly wasn't much of a reader, and his small efforts to learn to read kanji had impressed her. And… And he trusted her? Enough to tell her about Wado Ichimonji and Kuina, at least.
Still keeping the blanket over her, she flopped over onto her back and covered her face with the pillow she had been holding.
So she liked Roronoa Zoro. Liked him a little more than she should.
She should have recognised the signs earlier. Her being bothered by his remarks about her clothes and all should have been telling, and the way she found Tashigi and Kuina troubling should have been the biggest red flag of all.
Perona made frustrated noises into the pillow. She had seen the red flags. She had just chosen to pretend she didn't see them. Oh well. Maybe it would just be a passing fancy. She'd been stuck here too long with him, that's all. It would go away. He was several years younger, anyway. He wouldn't bother about someone older. But he did appear to have a good many associations with women who were older. Kuina had been older. Jewelry Bonney, whom he appeared to know somehow (and his vague references to her were suspicious in Perona's eyes), was in her twenties too. There was that Tashigi – almost certainly older than Zoro. He had a thing for that Tashigi woman; she was sure of it. And she was nothing like Tashigi, as far as she could judge. So… So… This crush was useless. A dead end.
In that moment, Perona rather hated herself.
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A/N: *looks around in trepidation*
I had a lot of fun writing the middle part to this and discussing it with Namibean! I actually drafted the entire Warlord ranking article, but didn't think it necessary to include here. I think I'm going to put it on Tumblr though, along with the rationale we worked out for the Supernova rankings. Since I can't insert links here or in my profile, if you're interested, just go to my Tumblr (username: elenniel) and look under the "fanfic addons" tag.
But anyway, I hope it gave my readers a good laugh! It was inspired by the One Piece Podcast's discussion on their favourite warlords - specifically when Stephen Paul started calling Mihawk "Mr Warlord" in the tone that people would use to say "Miss Universe." XD
I don't think I replied to the reviews the last round? I'm so sorry! :(
To AllosaurusJei, Lu-the-cat, SwordsgirlJackie, AvengerGal, and the two unnamed Guests: thank you SO much for the reviews. They really made my day when I read them. :3
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