CHAPTER 17
.
Diary of Dracule Mihawk, #997:
I am beginning to tire of this situation. The manner in which they talk, argue, don't talk, and then look unhappy until they resume arguing is irksome. It is obvious that those two are smitten with each other but either refuse to acknowledge the fact or are blind to it. I tend to think Roronoa is the latter, though am not entirely certain on which end of the spectrum Perona sits. I await the day when they come to their senses and relieve me of this tedium.
… … …
There was something pressing down on his face. Zoro tried to rub his eyes, but found a patch of what felt like bandages over the left side of his face. He woke up fully then. He sat up in bed. It was morning for sure; he could see the sunlight peeking into his room from the gap between the window curtains. What the hell happened?
He had been training in the courtyard. Perona and Mihawk had been talking. Then he had tried to toss his sword up and –
Zoro clapped a hand to the bandaged side of his face. More memories came to him in bits and pieces. There had been pain. (Almost as if on cue, his head actually began to ache.) Mihawk and Perona, both talking too much; he just wanted them all to leave him alone. Someone he didn't recognise – two someones, actually. A doctor? Yes, a doctor. The doctor and Mihawk talking. Then, nothing. He must have fallen asleep after that.
He got out of bed and went over to the mirror. If they'd had to bring in a proper doctor then it must have been a bad injury. The mirror showed him bandages wrapping around his head, with extra padding over the part where his eye was.
Zoro grimaced. The headache was getting a little stronger. He sat down in a chair and tried to massage the un-bandaged side of his head. The bandaged side was beginning to feel itchy.
"What are you doing?"
Perona stood in the doorway with a tray of food and drink in one hand, the first aid kit in the other hand, and several hollows in attendance.
"Don't mess with that!" she said, putting the tray and the kit down. "Can't have you ruining that right after the doctor's left."
"I'm not," he grumbled. "I'm trying to not touch it."
She nudged his hand away from his head. "Let's have a look."
He dropped his hand and let her scrutinise the wrappings. She bent towards him slightly, gently touching the bandages before turning his head to one side so she could see the other parts. Her fingers were refreshingly cool. It felt nice. Kind of helped with the headache too.
"Seems all right," she said. "Don't need to change the bandages yet. The doctor told Mihawk we'd need to change them every few hours or so. At least for the first day. I think these can sit for a little while longer. How do you feel?"
"Better." He sat up straighter. The headache wasn't too bad after all.
"You are so lucky it's not worse. What were you thinking – pulling a stupid stunt like that? Your swords are steel but you are not!"
Steel. The word triggered a memory. His swords! Where were they?
His gaze darted around the room. His swords were nowhere to be seen. Then he remembered: he'd left them out in the courtyard. Had they been out there all night? Would they rust – would the hilts spoil after being exposed to the elements?
"I assume you're looking for your precious swords," said Perona. "They're downstairs."
"They are?"
"I'll get them. Meanwhile – eat."
Zoro had barely taken three mouthfuls of food when she came back, holding his swords.
"Here." She held them out to him. "I've cleaned them."
Zoro stared at her, then at his swords. "You… Cleaned them?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I felt like being nice." She brushed some hair away from her face. "And that one had blood on it. Figured it wasn't a good idea to leave it that way."
He drew Kitetsu from its sheath. It was clean and shiny. Not a trace of blood on it. Shusui and Wado Ichimonji were the same. Several conflicting sensations arose. She had cleaned his swords… Why? And how? She didn't know how to handle swords – these were dangerous things. She could have hurt herself. Or ruined them! How dare she! It was a miracle that she hadn't chipped the blades or the sheaths or something.
It did not occur to Zoro that those were quite irrational thoughts. He said sharply, "You should have asked me first!"
Perona frowned. "Asked… You first?"
"Yes! They're my swords! And they're really dangerous. You shouldn't have touched them!"
She said indignantly, "What? I was helping!"
"Well, I didn't ask you to." Zoro started to put his swords away. He didn't feel like looking at her right then.
"Excuse me? You were – you were unconscious!"
"So?"
"So?"
"So you don't need to keep fussing like that."
Perona began to speak, then stopped. A weary look suddenly came over her. The words came out quiet and almost sad: "Why do you keep saying things like that? I'm trying to help and you just – you can be such a jerk."
The words and the tone caught him by surprise. That was not a reaction he'd anticipated. Anger and annoyance were what he was used to, not this sadness.
She left without saying anything else, and Zoro began to feel uncomfortable.
… … …
Perona untied the ribbons in her hair and flung them at the wall with all her might. But ribbons were not satisfactory throwing items – they merely fluttered to the floor.
Zoro was just so rude! And so ungrateful!
She looked up at the orbiting hollows and said, "Why do I like him? Why?"
They shrugged in response.
The more she thought about it, the more irritated she became. She recalled their earlier disagreement about her "fussing over Mihawk". She'd forgotten it in the horror of Zoro collapsing with blood pouring from his head. But it came back to her now, and combined with his most recent remarks…
"Maybe I should just transfer my feelings to Mihawk. Wouldn't that serve him right?"
She received several ghostly giggles in answer.
No, she thought. That probably wouldn't serve any purpose. It would only "serve him right" if he cared about her in the first place. If he didn't, then her favouring Mihawk over him would create no jealousy whatsoever.
Too bad that I can't just turn my feelings on and off like I can my hollows.
Perona waved a hand and the hollows vanished.
… … …
A haughty-looking spectral Perona sailed into the dining hall through the wall, said, "He's awake," and then sailed out.
Mihawk gazed at the spot from which her ghost form had come. He recognised that particular chill in her manner.
Roronoa Zoro needed a good knock on the head. Ghost Girl had seemed much better that morning – she'd had dark circles around her eyes, but she was not looking stricken and appeared to be her brisk self again. But clearly Zoro had done something to offend her again.
He took his time finishing his drink and reading the newspaper before he got up and went to see his student. He found Zoro sitting cross-legged on the floor with two swords in his lap and the third in front of him. His right hand gripped Shusui's hilt and his left hand rested on Sandai Kitetsu's sheath.
"Is this some new form of meditation?" Mihawk asked. "Or are you going to sacrifice those two to Wado Ichimonji?"
Zoro glanced at him. "Thinking," he said shortly.
"Oh, good," said Mihawk, taking a seat on the nearest chair. "At long last you are thinking."
The glance became a glare.
Mihawk held his gaze for a full three seconds. Then he reached down and swept all the swords up into his own lap, disregarding Zoro's exclamation of annoyance.
"You seemed to have forgotten that these" – there was a dull thunk as his fingers tapped each sword in turn – "are not toys."
"I know they're not!"
"Really? Because I can think of no other reason that you chose to play games with them yesterday. Tossing something dangerous like a sword up and down is no way to impress a lady, Roronoa."
"I wasn't trying to impress anyone!"
Zoro tried to retrieve his swords but Mihawk spun Shusui around, still in its scabbard, and jabbed the end of it at Zoro's chest, pushing him back.
"Then you are an even bigger fool than I thought."
He received an incredulous, angry look from Zoro.
"If you weren't trying to impress anyone, what, then," said Mihawk, "was the point of treating your cursed sword like a wooden baton?"
He saw the incredulity fade from Zoro's face, and something like a sulk took its place. Good. That meant the words were sinking in.
Mihawk replaced Shusui in his lap and allowed several moments of silence to pass. Zoro kept his gaze on the floor.
"The doctor says you may not be able to see out of that eye again."
Zoro looked up sharply. "It's that bad?"
Mihawk nodded. "The consequences of toying with accursed weapons are heavy. You may have gotten away with it once – I believe you said you acquired it through some stunt of that sort, did you not? But you cannot expect to be so fortunate in every instance. It is my opinion that your sword punished you for taking it lightly. Let your guard down, and a cursed sword can betray you."
Zoro's face was grim.
"Do you have anything to say for yourself, Roronoa?"
Two seconds went by. Three. Five. Ten.
Then Zoro tilted his head up and said, "Doesn't matter. I'll still become the greatest swordsman."
Mihawk smiled slowly. "Very good." He handed Shusui back to Zoro, who then looked expectantly at him, waiting for the other two. When he didn't show any sign of returning Kitetsu or Wado Ichimonji, Zoro frowned.
"I'm not done with you yet," said Mihawk.
"What now?!" Zoro growled, exasperated.
"Perona."
… … …
At the mention of Perona's name, a chill ran through Zoro. Was he going to tell him off for making her angry again? (Because he had most certainly angered her earlier.) Or would he warn him to stay away from her? Mihawk needn't worry about that. He could stay away quite easily…
An unpleasant sinking feeling crept over him. Yes, he could stay away from her. But he found that he didn't want to do that. The prospect of having to avoid her because she was Mihawk's girl did not sit well with him. At all.
He set his jaw and faced Mihawk with as blank an expression as he could manage, waiting for him to continue.
"I do not know what you said or did this time. But upsetting her is not the way to get her attention."
Huh?
"You are not a child anymore (even if you behave like one at times). Annoying a girl in whom you are interested is not the way to gain her attention – or her affection."
His jaw dropped slightly.
"Granted, there appears to be some affection in spite of how annoying you are."
Zoro was completely bewildered but at the same time, a part of him was suddenly… Happy?
"But I think the main problem here is you." Mihawk rested his chin in one hand. "So I ask you now, Roronoa: do you know how you feel about her?"
"What? What're you talking about? She's…" She's annoying. Talks too much sometimes. And she's fussy. Her clothes are fussy too. And she has weird hollows. But I guess she's pretty. And she can be… Kind.
He recalled the reading lessons. Her efforts to make him get better clothing. The times she let him ramble on about swords and Kuina and his dreams. It can't have been that interesting to her, but she let him go on about it anyway. She seemed to understand. Particularly after that late night conversation…
She had also never once blamed him for the Incident on Notson Ear, never once joked about his getting so lost that he failed to come to her rescue. Why didn't she? He still felt awful about that whenever it came to mind – and he remembered it every time he got lost around the castle. It really really sucked that he hadn't managed to go to her aid then…
It dawned on him then with a swiftness that was startling. It was rather like being slashed and watching one's insides fall out. His "insides" – those things called feelings – spilled out for him to see and it was a discomfiting revelation.
Oh no.
Zoro realised Mihawk was still watching him.
"Figured it out at last, Roronoa?"
Was he that easy to read? Mihawk just had to be there right at that moment. He needed to think – without Mihawk there. This was… Not a good thing. He couldn't afford to have any distractions. His goal and Luffy's goal were his main purpose in life. Love and romance and all that stuff were Major Distractions. He couldn't let emotions get in the way.
"I can't," he blurted out at last.
"You can't..? Can't what?"
"I can't have this. It's – I can't be distracted. I follow the way of the sword! There is no time for sappy stuff like… Like this."
Mihawk drummed his fingers on Wado Ichimonji. "By 'this' do you mean having emotions – specifically romantic ones? Where did you get that absurd idea?"
"Isn't that how it is?"
"I want to say that you've been reading slushy novels that have given you misplaced ideas of what a swordsman should be like, but then you hardly read any books apart from the ones Perona makes you read. Oh, you didn't think I'd noticed?"
Zoro was torn between wanting to stab himself and wanting to stab Mihawk.
"Let us get one thing clear, Roronoa: the way of the sword does not mean the exclusion of all other things in life. If that were the case then you should give up alcohol permanently."
"Alcohol isn't a distraction!"
Mihawk blinked twice. Slowly. Zoro could almost feel himself shrink to the size of a pigeon. Then Mihawk continued as though he hadn't said anything, "So if you are so easily 'distracted' by mere emotions, then you do not deserve the title of the Greatest Swordsman, and you will never get there."
"But you aren't bogged down by emotions."
"If you think I am little more than an animated marble statue that has never experienced any emotion outside of battle, you are gravely mistaken."
Several hours later, Zoro found himself brooding over Mihawk's final words before he returned the remaining swords to him.
"If you have any feelings resembling the sort I suspect you have for her, you would do well not to sacrifice the potential in those feelings for your goal of becoming the greatest swordsman. I should think you are quite capable of handling both things. And if you cannot… Then you may never become the Greatest Swordsman in the world. As the current Greatest Swordsman in the world, allow me to tell you that there are things more valuable in this world than that title."
He wasn't sure which part of it was more unnerving – that there might be something more to his life than just the way of the sword, or that he had feelings for Perona. Or that Mihawk clearly knew he had feelings for Perona.
Zoro tried to resist scratching the bandage off his face. The itch was back.
.
.
A/N: Thank you for reading! And for your patience. I started this chapter at the beginning of October (if not somewhere in September) and it has been plaguing me ever since then. This one and the next one have been massive struggles for me. Chapter 18 was probably even harder. I wrote 17 much quicker than 18 but I kept having to make changes because they're so connected - if I changed something in 18, something else in 17 would need editing. Zoro does not lend himself to emotional scenes of any sort. ;_;
Oh, and to the Guest reviewer who left a review a few days ago: I can't send you a PM so I hope you see this... Thank you so much for the comments! Hopefully you've enjoyed this chapter too!