CHAPTER 18

.

Diary of Dracule Mihawk, #1010:

It is becoming evident that our little talk a few days ago has disrupted Roronoa's peace of mind. It's making him look more and more like an agitated animal, even during training. He had better sort himself out soon.

… … …

Three days later, Zoro was about ready to claw at the walls in frustration. It had taken him the better part of the day and the entire night after Mihawk's talk to come to terms with his Feelings. But once he did… Well, Roronoa Zoro was a man of action rather than words, and once he decided that action was needed, he acted.

Or at least, he tried to.

He'd planned to get her alone (because no way was he letting Mihawk in on such a personal matter), apologise, and then… See what happened. He wasn't entirely sure how to apologise or what to do after that or how he should even go about explaining the Feelings part, but he figured he'd just wing it.

The problem was that Perona did not seem in the least inclined to give him a good opportunity to enact his plan. Initially, he intended to broach the topic when she was attending to his wound the morning after Mihawk's talk. It did not work.

Zoro had woken early and was sitting in a chair facing the window when Perona had knocked and come into the room. His first (odd) impulse was to leap up from his seat but she held up a hand and said, "Just stay where you are. That'll be fine."

She had put the first aid kit down and cast a scrutinising look at his bandages before slowly removing them. He had flinched as parts of it tugged at his hair and skin in the removal. Previously, Perona would have made some wry remark when he flinched but this time, she said nothing. In fact, she had said nothing at all the entire time apart from necessary things such as asking him to turn his head to one side or the other to facilitate the change of bandages and application of medication.

Her air of a quietly professional nurse had disconcerted him. It wasn't normal, and he found he was unable to bring up an apology in that atmosphere.

Lunchtime was slightly different. Perona was not the professional nurse then, but rather like a stranger who happened to know Mihawk and who didn't happen to know him. She would speak to Mihawk but Zoro received merely a cool nod of acknowledgement and that was that.

These scenarios repeated themselves at the next meal, and at the next time Perona had to tend to his wound, and over and over again for the next few days.

At other times of day, if he saw her at all, she drifted around in her ghostly form which allowed her to fly away or vanish instantly upon seeing him. She only appeared in her real body during mealtimes, when she was attending to his injury, or when she had to prepare meals.

Zoro had attempted to speak to her in the kitchen at a time when she would be preparing dinner, but lack of sight in one eye did nothing to help his sense of direction and he hadn't managed to find the kitchen until she was done cooking.

He'd opened the door and found her picking up two plates of food. She had edged past him with a brief, "Excuse me," and walked away.

Zoro had followed her and tried to get round to her left so that he could look at her more easily with his good eye. "Hey, we need to talk."

Perona kept close enough to the banisters of the stairs that he was forced to remain on her right. She didn't look at him. "Talk about what?" she said. "I don't think there's anything to talk about." She ended her sentence with a tremor in her voice that stopped him dead in his tracks and left him staring after her as she went up the stairs and into the dining hall.

It was at this point that Zoro realised that he had never made a serious effort to get a girl's attention before this. Pursued bounties? Sure. Pursued a romantic interest? Never.

Before Luffy found him, he had had a handful of flings – temporary things, lasting only a few days at most. If he showed interest in someone and was ignored or rebuffed, he let it slide off him and hardly thought twice about it, preferring to concentrate on whatever job he had at hand or to wait until he found someone more receptive. If a girl didn't want to give him a chance, well, then he wasn't going to be troubled about it. There were more important things in life.

He contemplated just ditching the whole idea of apologising and admitting to having Feelings. After all, forgetting Perona would be easier when he was off this dratted island. There was no way to tell if this thing between them (if there was a thing at all) could last once he returned to his crew.

But… Even though he didn't know if it was something that would last, he wanted the chance to find out if it could. Shrugging the issue off wasn't an option. He needed to apologise, and to see what could come of this. Or at the very least, make things right and normal again. This cool indifference with an undercurrent of sadness… He didn't like it.

Several more days of this strange and unpleasant distance followed and they left Zoro angry and exhausted. When Perona departed after dinner a week after his accident with Kitetsu, he flung his chopsticks down on the table and pushed away his half-eaten bowl of noodles.

"I don't see how I'm supposed to do anything when she acts like I don't exist!"

Mihawk only said, "Don't break my cutlery."

"Who cares about the stupid chopsticks? Aren't you supposed to be giving me advice?"

"I gave you advice on your romantic life once. That was it. I am not your agony aunt."

"What? Aunt? Don't you mean 'uncle'?"

"You really need a better vocabulary. I suggest that you read more, Roronoa."

Zoro took a spoon and began scraping at the table top. Mention of his reading skills reminded him unpleasantly of how much more Perona and Mihawk read compared to him, and jealousy flared.

"Taking it out on me or my cutlery or my furniture will do you no good." Mihawk pushed his chair back and rose from the table to leave. "This is an issue you have to solve by yourself. And I suggest you solve it soon – you were distinctly distracted during sparring today. Apply yourself to the problem a little, Roronoa."

Zoro was left to his thoughts and the ticking of the clock on the wall beside the bookshelves.

… … …

Perona regarded the semi-complete Mini-Kumashii with satisfaction. Some months ago, she had found some old cloth in a chest in the castle attic and it had occurred to her that since she couldn't have Kumashii back, she could just make herself a miniature version of him. She'd acquired some sewing materials and extra cloth on a recent trip to Notson Ear Island but had not really done much since then as she'd been a little busier with the reading lessons. Now that she wasn't on speaking terms with Zoro, the reading lessons automatically ceased and she had more time on her hands. So she'd begun work on Mini-Kumashii and was progressing nicely with the stuffed bear.

It also proved useful in helping her not think of Zoro. She was not an expert needlewoman and needed to concentrate quite hard when she was working on Mini-Kumashii. She'd had to unpick many failed seams and had pricked herself lots of times but she wasn't complaining. It was an excellent distraction from ungrateful and unfeeling swordsmen who were stupid enough to stab themselves in the eye with their cursed blades.

On several occasions, it had seemed like Zoro was trying to get her to speak to him. But she'd rebuffed him. One part of her said she should've listened to him, but the other part said, "No, enough is enough. He'll just keep hurting you because he doesn't feel the same way. He'll leave the island in a year and you'll get over him soon enough." So she had slammed the lid shut on her emotions and tried to busy herself with other things – such as Mini-Kumashii.

A clock somewhere in the castle chimed twelve times. She put Mini-Kumashii to the side and prepared for bed. Just as she was about to turn off her bedside lamp, she heard a very faint rustling sound. She looked up.

A small white square of paper lay on the floor, peeking out from under the door.

She stared at it for a few seconds, then chose to ignore it. She switched the light off and snuggled under the covers. But curiosity was stronger than sleep. So she rose, turned the light back on, and went to pick the paper up. Written in untidy and uncertain kanji were the words:

You're right. I was a jerk and I shouldn't have said those things. I'm really sory.

There was a distinct feeling of a tight, hard knot deep within her relaxing and loosening.

No! I mustn't go soft! She shook her head, as if to clear it. She sat on the floor and read the note again. Am I supposed to believe this is sincere? I'm not stupid. But… But… He actually went to the trouble of writing it down.

If there was one thing Zoro had found even more difficult that learning to read kanji, it was learning to write it. He had always been the most resistant to the writing part of it, and she'd pretty much given up trying to make him get better at remembering how to write the kanji characters.

He could write in the standard alphabet, though. And he could have written the note in standard alphabet. But he hadn't. He'd chosen to write in kanji.

The knot inside her came undone.

… … …

Women like flowers, right?

Zoro peered at the bushes on either side of the door to the courtyard, wondering if there were any flowers on those. He knew he should've looked for flowers before pushing the note under her door but it hadn't crossed his mind until he was halfway to his own room.

The moon was waning, so though there was some light, it wasn't as bright as when there was a full moon. (It was a miracle that he hadn't taken more than ten minutes to find the door to the courtyard, especially with only one eye to see with in the dark.)

He wandered a little way down the row of bushes on the left of the door, trying to see if there was anything resembling a flower anywhere, before he tried the bushes on the right. Finding no flowers there, he made his way round the courtyard and squinted at every bush and tree he came across. He even used Shusui to prod at branches to see if any flowers were hidden behind leaves.

There weren't many plants in the courtyard and he eventually ran out of options. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and kicked at a stone.

Flowers probably wouldn't help if she didn't care about his apology in the first place. He wondered if the note would work. The idea had come to him when he was staring at the bookshelves in the dining hall. The books reminded him of their lessons, and he had rummaged through drawers until he'd found some paper and a pencil. If she wouldn't speak to him, maybe she would read a note. But would she even read it? Or would she just throw it away without reading it? If she chose to disregard it then he was truly out of options and he'd have to give up. Or do the unthinkable and ask Mihawk to intervene. He really hoped he wouldn't have to go that far.

Zoro kicked another pebble and sat down on the doorstep, placing his swords beside him. It unnerved him that he could be so rattled by this. Powerful enemies, other swordsmen, Dracule Mihawk – none of those really fazed him. But this one woman, and these Feelings – they threw him off-balance.

Resolution. He needed resolution one way or another.

"I can't believe you misspelled 'sorry.'"

He jumped to his feet and turned to see Perona standing behind him.

She held up the note and pointed to the word on the paper. "S-O-R-Y? There should be two 'R's in there."

"Yeah. Sorry," he said, unable to keep one corner of his mouth from turning up a little. She'd read it. And she was speaking to him again – like she used to – and that felt great.

"You need to work on your handwriting too." She shook her head at the writing on the paper. "Barely looks like an adult wrote it…"

Zoro barely heard her. All he could think was how badly he wanted to kiss her right at that moment out of a combination of sheer relief and desire.

"…but considering that you hardly write at all, this is pretty decent." Perona looked straight at him then, and smiled a little crooked smile.

The smile decided him. He pulled the paper out of her hand, tossed it onto the ground as he closed the distance between them and kissed her.

The thrill lasted all of two seconds because Perona jerked out of his grasp and shoved him away.

"What was that?" she demanded.

"Huh?" Something caught in his throat. Had he misread the situation?

"You don't – you – why'd you waste my first kiss like that? I don't want to be kissed by someone who doesn't mean it!"

Zoro was bewildered. "What…?"

Her eyes darted from side to side and her hands flailed about as if she was looking for words but couldn't find them. "Don't just – don't kiss me if you don't actually want to!"

"What are you talking about? I don't kiss people if I don't want to! What do you take me for?"

"Why? Why would you want to kiss me? You don't like me that way. I'm not Kuina or whatshername…"

"Are you nuts? What does Kuina or anyone else have to do with this? I wanted to kiss you! I wouldn't kiss you if I didn't like you! And I sure as hell wouldn't have written that" – he pointed at the paper on the floor – "if I didn't like you!"

… … …

Perona stared at him, eyes wide with surprise.

Zoro stood stock still, and then abruptly bent to pick up his swords. "Never mind. Forget it."

"How do you expect me to forget it?" The words were out of her mouth before she quite knew it.

He looked up at her. She swallowed, feeling flustered.

"It's – that's not the kind of thing one just 'forgets'!" she said, tugging at a lock of her hair. "This feels unreal…"

Zoro got up slowly as she went on talking, hooking the swords to his belt as he did.

"I'm not even sure I heard you correctly. It's something I've imagined, but –"

"You imagined it?"

"Not exactly those words, of course!" She narrowed her eyes in irritation. If he smirks I'm going to walk away.

His mouth twitched ever so slightly but otherwise, Zoro's face was impassive.

Several seconds ticked by. Perona pulled at the sleeve of her dressing gown. She was beginning to feel weirdly self-conscious, anticipative, and a tiny bit fearful. She tried to speak again just to dispel the awkward feelings, and said, "Anyway, uhm, if you meant all that…"

"I did."

Perona froze. Then she closed her mouth and studied her feet, extremely conscious of the strange, happy, floaty feeling coursing through her, and of the hammering of her heart. Her mind was a blank. What did one say in such situations?

Zoro was watching her with the uncertain air of an animal trying to figure out whether it was facing friend or foe. The realisation that maybe he too was unsettled by the situation was faintly comforting. At the same time, she knew she owed him a response. She cast about for words.

"So… You… Well, I mean – uh…" Just say something! "In that case, I guess I… I wouldn't mind if you kissed me." She added hurriedly, "If you still want to, that is."

"Hell, yes."

Zoro was right in front of her, lifting her chin in both hands (more gently than she'd expected of him), and kissing her. It was a light, brief kiss; then it was not. He pulled her closer, kissed her more deeply, and her world became a blur. There was only the press of lips against hers, the sensation of fingers along the side of her face, the warmth of mingling breaths, and above it all, the soaring feeling of reciprocation.

She was pretty sure that she could have produced positive hollows instead of negative ones in that moment.

… … …

Diary of Dracule Mihawk, #1011:

They actually smiled at each other and spoke to each other in an almost normal fashion. Roronoa showed a return to his normal self in training. Good.

Diary of Dracule Mihawk, #1012:

Roronoa smirked at Perona today and she didn't retaliate. She only smiled. Wonder of wonders. I believe that those two have finally come to an understanding. That would also explain his extraordinary focus in training lately.

So long as they behave with discretion and don't let me walk in on them at inappropriate moments, this will do fine.

.

.

THE END

A/N: It's done! Well, the main story is, anyway. I've written a short epilogue and I like it but the fear of "OOC"-ness is eating at me and I'm still debating whether I should publish it or change it or have no epilogue at all.

I thought it'd be nice to post the final chapter on December 31 of 2017. I started writing this story in December 2016 and posted the first chapter on the 16th of January. Would've been great to end it all on December 16 but... fanfic writing is hard to plan. ^^;

THANK YOU ALL for bearing with me until this point! I've really really appreciated all the reviews from everyone - AvengerGal, Suna No Ken, Lu-the-cat, snickermoon814, SwordsgirlJackie, , the Guest reviewers, and everyone else! Your comments have helped so much in keeping me going when I've felt down and unmotivated about writing this. And special thanks to Namibean again for letting me bounce ideas off her and for giving me feedback especially pertaining to Zoro's personality!

Ok I'm going to go pore over the epilogue now... Happy new year, everyone! :)

.