horror; LR universe. possible spoilers
The dreams start out normal.
Hope supposes that it's not such a strange thing that he's dreaming so often. After all, people under a lot of stress tend to have them more vividly, and he and his team have been working as much as their bodies would allow.
In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if someone had admitted to hearing him call out in his sleep, because as normal as they were, they were of something he wanted desperately.
He dreams of his time with Lightning, of healing her after battles, of when he was simply a l'cie with nothing and no one but her and the rest of them to guide him.
But mostly, he just dreams of Lightning and it's so unfair that his mind in sleep is full of images of her, because she's all he can think about when he's awake and sometimes he wonders what it'd be like if he didn't have to wake up - if he could just stay here, suspended with -
"Another dream," he mutters to himself, ignoring the sweat that prickles his forehead and how his heart is pounding. Almost instantly, he gets out of bed and hurriedly rejoins his team to pour himself into work. It was a mixed blessing, this endless life due to the Chaos - it gave him more time to strive for something better for humanity, but there were times when it just wanted this to end.
Hasn't he suffered enough?
But no, that's a horribly selfish thought. It didn't even matter, anyway. As long as he keeps working, he doesn't have to think about her during his waking hours…which is probably why he works nonstop. His team constantly makes comments that even if it was now largely unnecessary, he should still try and rest once in awhile. Hope always refuses, claiming that he needs to do this, or try that, and though now they literally had all the time in the world, he can't afford to waste any of it.
Unfortunately for him, human needs still claim him and he often finds himself falling asleep right there on his desk.
The dreams grow stranger.
He's never been to Valhalla, but he's there and it's almost as though he's seeing it through her eyes - except she's there as well. They're fighting the endless battle and it doesn't matter because they're together and it's all he's ever wanted.
To his horror, Lightning falls against the shores, battered in defeat and he momentarily panics, but then there's a flash of light and she's up again to fight - only now, parts of her body are covered in crystal.
But she's still going like she doesn't notice and she won't stop long enough for him to try and help her. She just keeps fighting and falling, pieces of her crystal body shattering before his eyes. The fight is forever endless and he can't stop her, can't reach her -
- he wakes up screaming.
Everyone believes him when he says that he's fine. It's a lie, of course, but the others are too absorbed in their projects. He lies when he says they're making progress, because he's Hope, and he's the hope of this Chaos-infested world, even if his dreams tell him that he's completely helpless.
There are times he feels that way outside of the dreams. What can they do? What can they possibly do? When it first started, he assumed the role of a leader, assuring everyone that they would figure this out.
Sometimes he honestly can't tell if it's been days or centuries since that claim, because they haven't made much progress. Sure, they've found way to contain the worst of the Chaos to restricted areas, but it still lingers and poisons them all with this eternal life. Nothing else works and he just feels so damn helpless all the time, because as he toils away in this empty shell of a planet - Bhunivelze, as he named it - Snow and Noel are handling things on the world below, Fang and Vanille are still crystallized with no sign of ever returning, and Sazh is helping where he can, but Serah is dead and he has a feeling that is why no one seems to know where Lightning is at all.
If only he could see her one more time.
Just one more…
There's a whisper of movement and his eyes try to follow it, but he can't because it's everywhere, completely surrounding him. It's a little maddening, since he's the guy who likes to find the answers, to know what's happening all the time.
His heart stops when the motions slow and all he can see is a hint of rose-colored hair -
Hope wakes up with a heavy, choking gasp, as though he hadn't been breathing the entire time he'd been asleep. That dream had been far less vivid than anything so far, but something about it just got completely under his skin and invaded his very being.
He stands up to get back to work, because working allows him to forget about this. Working allows him to forget everything for awhile, except the reminder that he's everyone's last hope. Whatever horrors that plague his dreams can't transcend into the real world.
Of course, there's always a voice nagging in his mind that this is no real world - not without her.
"Hope…"
He looks up sharply because the call of his name sound so familiar, yet there's just something…off about the voice, like it's not really there. Of course it's not really there, though; this is a dream, and he knows that much because he sees another flash of rose-colored hair -
"Lightning!"
But the voice doesn't respond and there's only more whispers in the darkness surrounding him. They're crawling under his skin, into his veins and very soul, and he knows it must be her but he can't find her, she's too far and -
- it's still dark when his eyes fly open, his heart pounding as though he'd run around the world. Sweat beads down his forehead and one of his assistants asks if he's all right.
Fine, he replies. Of course he's just fine; perhaps the Chaos just has an odd effect on one's dreams.
The assistant nods in relief, carefully going back to his work.
That's the last time Hope ever sees him.
Whether it was weeks, months, or years - he'd lost track so long ago - his team is slowly vanishing with time. He'd assumed at first that this shell he'd built was protected from the worst of the Chaos, but now it's creeping in. Perhaps that accounts for the disappearances, because he often does hear from Snow and Noel that people would simply vanish, just like that.
For the first time in a long, long time, Hope has absolutely no idea of what to do or where to go. He feels as lost as he had before he'd met Lightning -
- but she was there now, except it wasn't exactly her, just an empty shell. He didn't care, though, because it was more than he'd had in such a long time.
The whispers are no longer full of horror, but instead caress his mind and being. It's absolutely hypnotizing, though also agonizing because he could never, ever get close enough -
- over and over, Hope finds himself reaching for something that isn't there. Little by little, he comes to realize that there really isn't anything there - a precious few members of his team remain, and every day they speak of leaving to go to the world below, even though it was just as dangerous down there.
At least they presumably have family and friends down there. Hope has nothing, he tells himself. No, that's not true. Snow and Noel and Sazh are down there, plus Fang and Vanille's crystals are waiting for him - but what does that matter?
What does any of it matter?
She comes closer this time, her image a blur of rose-colored hair and hands that are a little too thin. In fact, everything is a pale image compared to his memory, but it's better than nothing. It's close enough to what he's been dreaming about all of these centuries - even before the Chaos had infiltrated the world.
The whispers come again and again, never really forming words, but somehow translating into unspeakable horrors. He wants to know what she's trying to tell him, he wants to know her, he wants to see her, he wants her, desires her…
When he wakes himself up with a scream, there's no one there to hear it.
Hope gets used to being alone…for awhile, anyway. His team completely vanishes and this planet he had constructed has now become too big, too sprawling - and it's easier to hear the echoes. Sometimes he can hear things from the world below. Time and time again, one word in particular stands out.
Bhunivelze.
At first, he assumes they're talking about where he'd hidden himself away, but the word is often spoken with either reverence or disdain. After a bit of research to remind him of things he'd learned long ago, Hope recalls the origin of the name.
Almighty Bhunivelze, god of light, stands above other gods and holds the world in his palm.
A shudder always runs down his spin at remembering that. God of light. It may have had nothing to with Lightning, but everything reminds him of her now.
And the reminders have no trouble staking their place.
Every time he turns his head or looks around a corner, he sees just a glimpse of her and he knows that it's something dangerous waiting for him. The phantom embodies mysteries better left unsolved and horrors left unseen, but when he sees her everywhere, it's difficult to fight the need to succumb.
She calls to him, never sounding quite right, but it was something. Her rose-colored hair beckons him towards her almost teasingly. Desire skyrockets within him. She would be his and it was all he'd ever wanted -
Hope's eyes shoot open.
Or had they been open all along?
It's getting harder to tell. He knows that sickness can claim him, but it's unlikely that even while weakened, he would succumb to any sort of disease. He never leaves this place and has all but ceased contact with Snow and Noel. It's not what he wants to do, but simply has to.
Concentration takes everything out of him.
Now when she appears, there's some kind of glow surrounding her, as though she's a holy being. That hardly matters, since it only makes it easier for him to follow her.
Where she's leading him, he doesn't know. All he knows is that he needs her, and it's a need born of a selfish desire he can't even begin to comprehend.
It's driving him crazy. Over and over, he tries to research something or work up the urge to contact someone, but it's always thwarted -
- because she's there; just a glimpse of rose-colored hair out of the corner of his eye, always within reach but never quite close enough.
Soon, he doesn't even need to close his eyes to see her.
The light surrounding her is soothing and makes promises of perfection, of something unholy and tainted. That wasn't Lightning's way of thinking, he knew - but it's all that he has. All he wants is to submit to her; for her to do the same, for them to submit…
Submit…submit yourself….to me….
It's only when she finally appears before him close enough to touch that he truly knows.
Her rose-colored hair flows around her in an unseen breeze as her fingertips drift over his face, just a ghost of a gesture. Her expression is blank, but knows his own eyes are filled with unspeakable horror - horrors he was suddenly aware that he will have to live with for thirteen years, thirteen times.
Hope falls to his knees, letting the light envelope him. He knows what it is.
Lightning, if you can hear me…
He knew it was Bhunivelze.
…I'm so sorry.
But he could no longer resist.