Chapter 32 Blurring the Lines of Friendship
Regina shivered as she stood in front of town hall. Its looming walls towered over her like a threat. The part of the building where the fire had been was being rebuilt and re-painted. The cold maine air made her shiver and she pulled her coat tighter around her as memories of being beaten and brutalized by her husband that had taken place behind the closed doors of his office flashed through her mind; Where people were only a room away and she could only suffer in silence. She spent countless hours sitting in his office doing paperwork. Countless hours sitting in his presence and being so terrified to even speak at times. The last few weeks she had watched him indulge in his minibar as he worked. Emma had told her he had suffered through withdrawal symptoms since he attacked her in class. Leopold was now spending his days in jail before trial. It's been weeks since he came after her and she could still feel his hand around her throat, squeezing the life out of her as she stared into his cold dark eyes. She didn't want to see him today. In fact, she never wanted to see him again, but Katherine recommended a meeting to sort out custody rights now before trial. That way they have more control of getting sole custody of Henry. She doubted Leopold would give up his rights, because it would be giving up power over her. He wasn't going to just let her go and she couldn't understand why. She shivered again, now realizing she was shaking out of fear and not from the cold.
Emma was suddenly exiting the doors and walking towards her. She had waited outside while she and David escorted Leopold from the station to his office where their meeting would take place.
"Are you ready?" Emma asked, gently taking her hand and looking at her in concern. She didn't know what to say. She was terrified of sitting in his presence, of looking into those cold dark eyes. She didn't say a word as her eyes remained fixed on the building. "Regina?"
"I'm trying to have courage," she softly admitted, finally looking at her.
"Listen to me," Emma said, gently reaching out to caress her cheek. Her heart warmed at the comforting gesture and she leaned into Emma's warm palm. She felt so cold. "No matter what happens in there, we already won. You got away from him and he'll never get you and Henry don't belong to him anymore."
"And if he refuses to give up his custody rights? I refuse to let the court decide for us. You know how many cases are out there of children being in the custody of abusive parents and how they…" She let out a panicked sob, unable to even finish that gruesome thought. She started to panic and Emma was quickly pulling her into her arms. She cried into her shoulder, the fear and worries she's had as this day came closer coming out in ragged sobs. She was more afraid for her son than the possibility of even herself going back to him. She knew she would go back if Leopold had any kind of custody over Henry. Emma knew it too.
"Shh," Emma whispered, trying to comfort her. "We have so much evidence against him, there is no way he'll even be getting any kind of rights. He'll be sentenced to prison and we won't even have to worry about Henry. If anything, I think Katherine is just being too cautious in setting this meeting up."
"She has a right to be," she said, her voice muffled in her shoulder. Emma rubbed her hands up and down her back.
"I know," Emma whispered, kissing the top of her head as if it was just something friends did. Regina didn't care to question Emma's affection. She took a shaky breath and pulled away after a moment, wiping the tears from her face and desperately trying to be brave.
"He still holds so much fear over me," she admitted.
"And one day he won't," Emma assured her, taking her hand and leading her to town hall. She would never be ready to face him; To look in those cruel eyes and remember the beatings he condemned on her since their wedding. To feel the fear he instilled in her and to remember the pain. This was something she had to do if it meant it would officially free her from the shackles he placed on her since she was 17.
She squeezed Emma's hand tightly as they walked through the doors and approached Leopold's office where Katherine was waiting. Regina caught a glimpse of him seated at the conference table beside Albert Spencer. His wrists were handcuffed in front of him. David stood to the side, ready to intervene if needed. Katherine was waiting by the door and quickly closed it to give them a moment of privacy. Regina was grateful, suddenly just needing an extra moment to pull herself together.
"How are you?" Katherine asked seriously, her blue eyes looking so concerned and Regina appreciated her checking in.
"I'm nervous," she admitted, her voice trembling. Katherine reached out and took her hand.
"Even if we don't get what we want, it's going to be ok. We have so much evidence, there's no way the court will even grant him partial custody. Remember, this is just a precaution. I want him to hand over his custody rights without a fight."
Regina nodded and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. He couldn't hurt her. After his foolish attack several weeks ago, he dug himself in deeper and it was just another assault to charge him with.
"Albert Spencer is representing him. As you know, he fights dirty and will twist whatever you say. We can't give him an opportunity to make you look bad. Don't speak to him unless it's required."
Regina nodded, knowing full well the kind of defense attorney Albert Spencer was. He was quick to twist words and make the innocent look guilty. He and Leopold have been friends for a very long time and she knew exactly what the man was capable of.
Katherine opened the door and allowed her to walk in first. She swallowed her nervousness and kept her face expressionless, wearing the ice cold mask she has perfected over the years. She looked exactly like the ice cold evil queen people saw her as. Emma and Katherine followed behind her as they all took a seat across from the two men. David remained in his spot, keeping a guarded watch over Leopold.
Leopold caught her gaze, fixating her with a cold glare. He was trying to break her. He was trying to scare her enough to break her mask and submit to him. That wasn't happening. She didn't give him the satisfaction, and completely ignored him.
"It's nice to see you again, Regina," he tried. "You're looking well, and I hope my son is doing well too."
She scoffed, averting her eyes and looking at Katherine. Emma was glaring daggers at him and by the tight grip she had on the arm of her chair, Regina knew she was fighting against everything not to violently react.
"Let's get started," she suggested to her friend, not rising to Leopold's attempt. Katherine pulled out a stack of forms from her briefcase and placed it in front of Spencer and Leopold.
"Gentlemen, we both know why we're here. My client is requesting full custody rights of Henry. How about we settle this without getting the court and child protective services involved?"
Spencer looked over the forms before handing them to his client.
"Is there a reason why you don't want the court to decide?" Spencer asked. "Is it because you don't want them delving into the criminal record Regina had upon the adoption of Henry?"
"It's hardly a criminal record when she was set up," Katherine fired back and then looked at Leopold. "We all know she never stole money from you. Your daughter gave it to her so that she could run as far away from you as she can. Whatever criminal record she has, will be dismissed. It's not going to prevent her from losing any kind of custody over her son."
"There's no proof," he sneered and then looked at Regina. "As far as legality goes, you were driving under the influence, killed a person and put my daughter in danger. And then, years later you stole money from me and was sent to prison again. You are a criminal that has no business acquiring full custody of my son. I will make sure of it. I'm not signing over my rights to an unfit mother."
Regina remained neutral, not rising to the bait. She felt Emma shift beside her. She held Leopold's gaze, not backing down no matter how much it hurt that he brought up the past… How he brought up Daniel's death.
"And how will you be the sole parent of Henry if you are behind bars?" Katherine asked. "This is your chance to give them up without a messy custody battle."
Leopold scoffed at her, looking like a smug on of a bitch. He obviously believed he was getting off easy. He looked at Regina again in disbelief.
"I'm not signing the papers. The court could decide whether Henry can come home to his loving father or go home with the criminal who never wanted him in the first place." He leaned forward, looking into Regina's eyes as he spoke to Katherine. "Did she tell you how she cried when he wouldn't sleep? How she begged me to take him back when she couldn't soothe him? She was ready to toss him away like his birth mother. She couldn't even be the mother my daughter needed. She was never meant to be a mother."
Regina lost it. Her anger got the best of her as she stood, her chair falling back with a loud bang as it hit the floor. Leopold seemed to relish in the rise he got from her, but she didn't care. He was exposing the darkest moments of her motherhood; when Henry had first been placed into her arms and she was unable to bond with him.
"You son of bitch! Sign the damn papers!"
"No." he leaned back in his chair as if enjoying the show. "Control your anger, Regina."
Emma was suddenly standing as well, gently pulling her back and forcing her to step away. Regina was livid, nearly ready to punch the damn smirk off his face. She's never hated him more than she did now.
"Hey," Emma was suddenly cupping her face with her hands, coaxing her to look at her. "He's trying to get a rise out of you. Don't lose your temper."
She took a deep breath, letting her anger fall and trying to calm herself. She pulled away from Emma and looked at her husband. He wasn't going to sign anything, because giving up Henry meant giving her up as well.
"We're done here," she said. "He's not going to sign anything."
Katherine let out an irritated sigh but packed away the forms anyway. Both men were looking like they won the lottery. Emma picked up Regina's chair and then tried taking her hand to gain her attention. She pulled her hand away, her gaze still fixated on Leopold.
"I want a moment alone with him," she said, surprising everyone in the room, even Leopold. David was just about to escort him back to his cell.
"Regina…" Emma started to protest, clearly not ok with leaving her alone with him. "Are you sure about this? What if he hurts you?"
"He won't," she whispered. "Not when the trial is so close."
Emma hesitated as Katherine and Spencer cleared the room. David lingered unsure what to do. She nodded at him to leave the room as well. She looked over at Leopold who was watching them. "At least have David or I stand in?" she asked, her eyes pleading.
Regina shook her head.
"This is something I have to do," she whispered. "I don't expect you to understand."
"Be careful," Emma sighed in resignation, her green eyes shining fearfully at the thought of leaving her here with him. Regina was terrified of being alone with him, but there were things she needed to say to him without having an audience. Emma looked over at him with a darkness in her eyes that made Regina shiver. She watched as the sheriff came around the conference table until she was standing in front of Leopold and getting into his face. She knelt to his level, facing him with a threatening glare.
"If you hurt her in any way, I will hurt you a thousand times worse."
She tightened his handcuffs, not caring if they were painful. He only sneered at her.
"Is that supposed to be intimidating," he goaded her, but much to Regina's relief, Emma didn't rise to the bait. She only ignored him and then approached Regina once more. She could see a fearful hesitance in her eyes. She really didn't want to leave her. Regina gently placed a hand on her cheek to soothe her.
"I'll be right outside," Emma assured her.
"Thank you," she whispered, removing her hand and letting her go.
Once the door closed, and it was just the two of them, Regina went over to his mini bar where he was unable to see her. She poured whiskey in a glass and brought it over to the conference table and placed it before him. The sight of the amber liquid reminded her of all the drunken nights when she had endured the worst of his beatings.
"What are you doing?" he asked, looking at her with disdain.
"Giving you your last drink, before your life is over."
She took a seat across from him, her gaze fixated on his. He smirked at her, not even attempting to take the drink.
"It's time we put an end to your little temper tantrum. It's time for you to come back home where you belong."
"I don't belong to you."
"If you want to back out on your parents deal, then I could sue you for nearly killing my daughter and you can go to prison. Where would that leave Henry, huh?"
Regina only laughed at that, making him scowl at her unexpected response. Did he expect her to cower in fear, and just go back into his arms? Drop the charges and have Emma release him from prison. She would never go back to him no matter what it cost her. He would never get custody over Henry because she still had the option of giving Emma her rights if needed.
"Don't use my son against me! We both know you forged my incident reports. I know I was innocent that night."
"You don't have any proof," he scoffed, not taking her seriously.
This was the opening she was aiming for. She pulled the black metal key from her blazer pocket and held it up. The moment he recognized it, the smug smirk on his face disappeared and he looked at her with a dark kind of realization.
"I think I do," she said. "There just so happens to be more than the dead resting in the Blanchard mausoleum. That's right, you imbecile," she sneered as his face drained of color. "I know every single dark secret that you hid away in your secret vault. I know you had arranged for Sheriff Flynns disappearance… And most importantly, I know you had Gold illegally acquire Henry. That won't stand up in court for you. You've already lost him."
"This is not just about gaining sole custody over Henry, isn't it?" he asked, his eyes suddenly shining with a deep kind of anger for the fact that she had uncovered his dark secrets. "What else do you want?"
She stared at him hard, the unrelenting rage she felt for him brimming to the surface. She hated him with every fiber in her being. She imagined killing him over and over as he held her down, as he beat her, as he forced her to lay with him. She imagined ripping out his heart just like in the stories. Somehow the Evil Queen was inside her. This was her moment to get what she ultimately wanted from him.
"I want a divorce."
Leopold scoffed as if it was the most absurd thing he's ever heard.
"I'm not letting you out of your parents' deal no matter if I'm locked away in prison!"
"Let me go!" she demanded.
"If you want to take me to court with these rape and abuse allegations, then they will decide who is the fit parent! You may believe you were innocent that night, but on paper you are a criminal. You will get locked away too and I will sue you and your parents for every penny! You think you can just easily break free from your contract? Well now, you will be locked behind bars and too poor to even afford a piece of bread. You think all these documents you found will hold up? I have powerful connections that will destroy whatever evidence you think you have. So here is what you're going to do, drop this nonsense and release me, or lose everything you have."
Regina snarled at him, her anger rising for the ultimatum he was giving her.
"If I go back to you I still lose everything. There is no way I would ever let Henry live under the same roof as you ever again. I'd rather be broke and in prison than ever have to live with you ever again! Do whatever you must, but I will never be yours ever again!"
"Well then, if it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get." He leaned forward, leveling her with a hard gaze, the kind he gave her when she was in trouble. She didn't move, nor react, not wanting him to see her crumble. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction knowing she was still so afraid of him. "And when you lose, I will make sure you regret it."
She let him have the last word. She couldn't bear to spend another minute with him. She couldn't keep holding the fear back that she might just lose and Leopold would somehow get her back. She hid her trembling hands as she got up from her seat and left him behind. Emma, Katherine and David were waiting outside of the room. The moment she saw those worried green eyes, she couldn't stop the emotional breakdown from overtaking her. Emma must have seen it on her face before it even happened, because she was pulling her into her arms just as the first sob was falling from her lips.
"You're ok, it's over," Emma whispered in her ear as she nodded at David to take Leopold back to the station. "Come on," she said, leading her outside so that Leopold wouldn't see her on his way out. Katherine followed alongside with a comforting hand on her arm.
"What happened?" Emma asked as she guided Regina to a bench and coaxed her to sit. Katherine sat beside her with concern flashing in blue gaze. Regina dried her tears, desperately trying to pull herself together.
"I asked him for a divorce, and he refused. Despite the evidence that we found, he is confident that he will somehow get out of this. He gave me an ultimatum, go back with him or go to prison and he'll file a lawsuit against me and my parents for endangering his daughter."
"Honey," Katherine, took her hand. "That is not going to hold up in court. He's only trying to scare you."
"I know, but what if somehow he does get out of this and I do go back to him… or Henry. He has powerful connections and he deals with Mr. Gold. What if somehow everything just becomes worse?"
"We won't let that happen," Katherine assured her, her tone determined to let her believe anything but the worst possible outcome. "You are going to be ok no matter what happens. Henry is going to be ok. You have a significant amount of evidence to back you up. Don't let him make you believe he is above the law. He will pay for everything he's done to you."
"He's just trying to scare you back into his arms," Emma agreed with Katherine. "It's over for him. That's why he's giving an ultimatum."
She took a deep breath and nodded, desperately trying to believe them even if a part of her was afraid of the truth in Leopold's words.
"We need to get her a drink," Katherine suggested, squeezing her hands to stop the nervous trembling.
"What do you say?" Emma asked her. "Up for a girls night?"
"Girls night?" she asked, not used to indulging in such activities besides from when Emma had taken her to that bar. And even then, she was controlled by him. She was never allowed to just go out with friends, and she suddenly wanted nothing more. A normal night out, drinking and having a good time. "That sounds great actually."
"Yes! I know this great place!" Katherine announced excitedly.
Despite the rough day she had, Emma could see Regina was actually excited to go out tonight and particularly with Katherine. They haven't been able to hang out in years because of Leopold. Regina was kept isolated from her friends, and tonight was the first time in so long that she was able to enjoy herself without that bastard looming over her like a dark dangerous cloud. Emma was excited too because this time they didn't have to worry about anyone seeing them or rushing home to answer his calls. Tonight, Regina was allowed to let loose and have fun. They arranged for Henry to spend the night with the Zimmerman twins, and once he was dropped off Emma, Mary Margaret and Regina headed to the bar Katherine would be meeting them at. They had walked the short distance into town, dressed up and excited for the night. Regina was glowing, and Emma had trouble keeping her eyes off of her. She had curled her short dark hair so perfectly, Emma had the urge to run her fingers through her soft locks. Her red lipstick matched the red dress she wore, and her make up brought out her dark eyes. She looked beautiful, even more so than the last time they went out if it was even possible. Emma, not really one for dresses, wore nice dark jeans, a blouse and her red leather jacket which matched nicely with Regina's dress. This time there would be nothing holding them back, no abusive husbands, no bruises, and no phone calls.
Katherine was running a bit late, and so they had already started to indulge themselves when they arrived. They had even invited Ruby to celebrate their success in putting Leopold behind bars. Emma and Mary Margaret were sitting at their table full of drinks as they watched Regina dance with Ruby. She was smiling, her eyes sparkling instead of the haunted shadows they seemed to have lately. Emma's heart leapt at seeing her so happy. She was so lost in watching Regina that she barely even noticed Katherine arriving at their table.
"Wow, how many drinks is she in?" she asked, amazed at her friend having such a good time for once.
"We're just in our second round," Mary Margaret answered. Katherine must have noticed how zoned out Emma was because she was suddenly waving at her to get her attention. Startled, Emma tore her gaze from Regina and looked into knowing blue eyes. "You're completely gone, my friend," she laughed.
"What?"
"You more than just like her. I've been suspicious of it but now, seeing you gazing at her like she's the moon and the stars… Yup, totally gone for," she chuckled.
"In fact, they had already talked about their feelings," Mary Margaret announced which had Katherine opening her mouth in shock.
"She likes you…" she whispered in awe. Emma nodded, feeling her cheeks reddened from all the attention. Suddenly she wished she was the one over on the dance floor with Regina and Ruby.
"Yeah, but she said needs time. She's been through alot, and I agree. We can't just rush into a relationship, especially when she still has to worry about Leopold's hearing. There's just too much going on right now, and besides, I don't know if you noticed or not, but Regina is fearful. I don't want to pressure her if she's not ready emotionally."
"You're right, she does need time," Katherine nodded, a bit solemnly. "But, she also has never trusted anyone enough to risk running away again, not even me. You're special to her, Emma."
Emma's eyes met Regina's across the room and she couldn't stop the beaming smile from gracing her lips. Katherine was right. Regina trusted her to risk everything and she would wait as long as it took until Regina was willing to start any kind of relationship. Even if they never got together, she would at least be her friend. They would always be there for each other no matter what happens. Regina smiled back and waved her over. Emma finished off her drink and got up, leaving Katherine and Mary Margaret, and heading over to the dance floor.
"Dance with me, my dear," Regina whispered into her ear, pulling her close by her hips and pressing a sweet kiss on her cheek. Emma immediately fell into rhythm with her, holding her close and swaying to the beat of the music. She heard Ruby laughing at them from somewhere nearby but all she focused on were those dark brown eyes as she danced. For a moment, it was only she and Regina in the room, becoming one with the music. The other dancers became a blur. The sounds of her friends cheering them on drowned in the background. She wanted to kiss those red lips. Not the friendly kiss on the cheek they often did, but really kiss her. Since their first kiss in the cafe she's been thinking about nothing else. She could still feel those soft lips against hers. As hard as it was, she held back wanting to respect Regina's request of needing time.
By the time they were too exhausted to dance another song, Emma led Regina back to their table. It was just the two of them. Katherine, Mary Margaret and Ruby were all still on the dance floor. She wondered if they were keeping their distance on purpose.
They ordered another round of drinks and with Regina's instance, a round of shots. When the drinks came, they toasted their friendship which had Emma suddenly feeling like her heart was dropping in her chest. She would always want more. They knocked their shots back and Regina laughed just from the joy she was feeling. She was so beautiful when she was this happy. Never again did Emma ever want to see her bruised and fearful in her husband's shadow.
They fell into a light and humorous conversation, swapping silly stories from when they were young and Regina even shared some of Henry in his early years. She loved hearing about all the little moments she had missed. Even though it hurt to give him up, she didn't regret giving him to the person who needed him the most. The person who was his best chance for happiness even when she was living in darkness.
"You remind me a lot of Henry," Regina laughed as Emma just finished telling her how she had used to write stories as a young child, making up a whole family. A mother who baked, who walked her to school, and read stories to her. A father who taught her life lessons and maybe even an annoying little brother. She had a vivid imagination growing up. "As concerning as his fairytale theory is, it's so creative. He created a whole world in his head."
"The kid is going to be a writer one day," Emma smiled, easily agreeing with her.
"Emma?" Regina suddenly became solemn, the light in her eyes dimming suddenly. Emma frowned in concern. "Leopold wasn't lying. I had trouble bonding with him in the beginning. It's not something I'm proud of, but it doesn't change how much I love him."
"Hey," Emma said softly, taking her hand in reassurance. "You don't have to explain yourself. You did the best you could in your situation. You loved him with everything you had despite everything you had gone through. And you just…" She stopped, not sure if she should bring up the loss of her baby. Regina didn't know that she had found out from Dr. Roe. "You're his mother," she redirected her words. "Nothing is going to change that."
Regina's eyes lit up once more. Emma hated that Leopold had thrown her darkest moments of early motherhood in her face like that. Especially when he was the one to force an infant on her so soon after losing her own.
"He was jealous of the way I loved Henry and not his daughter. He resented him for it," Regina admitted. "How could I be a mother to a girl only five years younger than me and love her like a daughter?"
"Do you think that was why he was so angry with you?" Emma asked, because the exact reasoning behind Leopold's brutality towards Regina was still a mystery to all of them. Regina shrugged, pulled her hand away, and downed her drink.
Their friends suddenly joined them, ending the conversation and Emma was a bit glad. It had taken a dark turn, and Regina was starting to get anxious.
"I'm beat," Ruby announced, plopping down on her seat and sighing in relief.
"You haven't stopped dancing since you got here," Regina noted.
"It's almost the end of the semester. I deserve it," Ruby laughed just as a young man with two glasses of whiskey approached their table. His eyes were on Ruby. Emma didn't like the way he was standing so close to the younger woman. He was very inebriated and reeked of whisky.
"I… s'was hoping to… get ya number," he slurred, swaying a bit and Ruby scoffed in disgust.
"Beat it," she rejected him. "I play for the other team."
"Come on," he insisted, swaying dangerously and leaning too close. Regina, who was next to Ruby, was getting annoyed at his close proximity.
"She told you to beat it!" Katherine told him harshly.
"I jus… wanna have… a good time," he slurred, turning and then tripping on his own feet. One of the glasses spilled and he practically fell over Regina's chair. She panicked as the guy righted himself with a hand on the back of her seat, too close and reeking of whiskey. Regina paled, her eyes glazed over and she froze in her seat. Emma practically growled as she stood, and pulled the guy away and shoved him.
"Get the hell off of her!" she yelled. He caught his footing, and one of the bartenders immediately came over to escort the guy out. She watched them until they disappeared through the door.
"Regina?" Mary Margaret's concerned voice had Emma turning back to their table. She was shaking, and her eyes were still glazed over. She recognized the signs of an oncoming panic attack. Somehow that drunk triggered some kind of dark memory for her.
"Gina? Hey, you're ok," Emma whispered, kneeling to her level and reaching out to caress her cheek. Her eyes widened in fear and she flinched back as if she thought Emma was going to hit her.
"Regina," Emma kept saying her name in an attempt to ground her. "Look at me, you're ok."
Her eyes were unfocused and her breaths started to become labored. She was trembling in her seat and Emma pulled her into her arms, unable to think of anything else that would calm her. Regina tensed as she held her but then eventually relaxed.
"It's just me," she whispered in her ear. "No one's gonna hurt you."
"Emma," Katherine was getting on her feet. "Let's get her outside."
Emma pulled away from Regina and coaxed to her feet. Regina blinked and her eyes once more focused on her, although they nervously flickered among the crowd as if she were looking for someone… For Leopold.
"Come on let's get you some air," Emma suggested, guiding her towards the door. Katherine was about to follow but then decided to stay. Emma was grateful she decided to let them have a moment alone. She squeezed Regina's hand as they exited the bar. With each step, she seemed to fall out of her fear. Her breathing was starting to regulate even if she was still trembling. The night air was a relief compared to the stuffy bar. Regina took a deep breath, wrapping her arms around herself. Emma kicked herself for not thinking to grab her coat. She slid her red leather jacket off and gently draped it over her shoulders which had Regina giving her a questioning look.
"Aren't you going to be cold?" she asked, looking at her with deep dark eyes. Emma shook her head, unable to help smoothing some hair behind her ear.
"I feel a bit warm," she said. "Besides, it looks good on you."
"I'm not exactly sure what happened back there," she shook her head, her cheeks looking flushed. She was still trembling, and Emma wasn't sure if it was due to the cold or her panic attack. "He just reeked of whiskey and the weight of him tripping over me… I just…" She let out a sob and Emma was quick to pull her into her arms again, finding that this kind of comfort helped.
"I know," she said. "You don't have to explain yourself."
"I don't feel good," she whispered, leaning her weight into the embrace. Emma tightened her hold and pressed a small kiss on her head.
"Do you want to go home?" she asked.
"I don't want to ruin the night. We were having such a good time."
Emma pulled away at those words, holding her hands between them.
"You're not ruining anything. In fact, I'm so proud of you for coming out tonight and just having fun. I don't mind if you want to leave a little early."
"Are you sure?" she asked, looking so uncertain. Emma nodded in assurance.
"Let me go grab your coat and let the girls know we're leaving. I'll be right back."
Regina nodded, giving her a small smile as she rushed in to grab her coat. She assured the girls that everything was fine and that she and Regina were heading home. She came back out to see Regina staring up into the starry and moonlit sky with her arms wrapped around herself. The red leather jacket looked beautiful on her; The way the ends of her hair brushed her shoulders. The red brought out the darkness of her hair and eyes. Emma couldn't help but just stop and stare for a moment. Regina suddenly looked at her and smiled so brightly, Emma felt her heart melting in her chest.
"Are you alright, Emma?" she asked, tilting her head and looking at her in concern. Emma nodded, shaking herself from the spell she had fallen under. She approached her, linking their arms and leading her towards the direction of the loft.
Regina was a bit quiet, as if she had something on her mind. Emma didn't coax her to open up. Instead they engaged in light conversation, bantering with each other. Emma's heart soared at Regina's light laughter. The alcohol made her more carefree despite what had happened earlier.
"Do you want to go up on the roof?" Emma asked as they descended the stairs.
"Is that safe?" she asked, and Emma wondered if she knew about the garden up there.
"Of course, come on," she coaxed her towards the roof stairs. Regina followed her until they were descending the final steps and pushing open a door that led outside. She let Regina go through first and the brunette gasped at the beautiful view of Storybrooke.
She walked through the path of potted plants and flowers and over to the little bench that Emma had so often spent her evenings sitting and worrying for her. She looked out over the ledge, her eyes sparkling with the lights of their little town.
"This is where I come to clear my head," Emma admitted, coming up beside her and taking her hand. "This is the place where I worried about you and Henry the most." The last words came out as a sob, the emotions from all the times she knew Regina was being hurt and she was powerless to stop it came rushing through her. Regina looked at her, her dark eyes full of sorrow. A heavy silence fell between them and suddenly those red lips were brushing against hers. Regina was kissing her so softly, so tenderly Emma felt like she might just break.
Emma pulled her body closer, responding earnestly. She felt the tip of her tongue brush against her bottom lip and she allowed her to slip her tongue inside. This was everything she wanted. To kiss her again, and feel her warm body against hers. Emma had always wanted more, but loved Regina too much to ever put any kind of pressure on her. Maybe it was the alcohol; Maybe it was the emotions, but Regina seemed to give in to her feelings, not letting her fear of being in another relationship so soon cloud her needs. She wanted to be with Emma. She could feel it in the way her body leaned so warmly into hers, and the way she kissed her so passionately. Friends didn't do this, and she was confused on what Regina wanted from her.
When the need for air became too much, Emma pulled away, leaning her forehead against hers. Regina was slightly breathless. She could feel her warm breath on her skin. The brunette smiled and then stepped back, looking up at her with awe.
"What was that for?" Emma asked seriously.
"I just… felt you needed it," Regina shrugged, and Emma could hear the denial in her tone. She was afraid of admitting how she truly felt; The real reason why she kissed her.
"Regina," she sighed, taking a seat on the bench. Regina sat beside her, suddenly looking afraid as if she had said the wrong thing. "I think we need to reevaluate where this is going. I don't want to rush you into anything you're not ready for, but if we're just friends then we can't cross those boundaries. As much as I love you kissing me, my heart can't take it if we're just going to be friends who kiss each other from time to time."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, looking down at her suddenly fidgeting hands. Emma frowned at the strange reaction. She put a hand over hers to soothe her nerves.
"Hey, look at me."
Regina hesitated but then looked up at her with worried eyes.
"It doesn't mean I don't like when you kiss me. I like it too much, which is why we can't blur the lines between friendship and an actual relationship. Do you understand?"
Regina just stared at her and for a moment Emma felt herself getting lost in her dark gaze.
"I want a relationship with you," Regina finally admitted and something stirred within Emma. Hope, maybe? "But… I'm afraid," she whispered, her words hesitating as if she was afraid to even admit it. "That's all I kept thinking about tonight…" That's why she was so quiet, Emma realized.
"Why are you afraid?" she asked.
"It doesn't matter," Regina shook her head, the hesitance in her eyes suddenly turning hard. She was masking her emotions, shielding herself behind her walls. "I won't kiss you again."
"Regina…"
"How could anything ever happen between us after what Leopold did to me?" she hissed, suddenly getting frustrated. "How could you ever want anything with me?"
"He didn't ruin you," Emma said, her tone hard at the heartbreaking realization that Regina believed she was less than beautiful because of what that monster had done to her. "You are strong. You are beautiful. You are a survivor. You are not anything less because of him. You deserve love and happiness. Don't let his abuse hold you back from what you want. I'm not asking you to decide right now whether you want to be in a relationship with me or not, but just know that he shouldn't be the reason why you can't. I meant what I promised earlier. I will wait until you're ready, but I will not just be friends where the lines are being blurred."
"I didn't mean to hurt you," she sighed, suddenly looking so guilty.
"I know," Emma nodded. "I just don't want you to get hurt either."
"You really think I'm beautiful?"
Emma looked at her like she grew two heads. Her eyes widened in disbelief.
"Don't you?" she asked.
Regina didn't answer. Instead she stood and held out her hand.
"I'm pretty tired," she said. "Let's go back downstairs." Emma took her hand, not questioning her for her lack of answer.