-:BTWD:-

You were looking for another way out
Try to fix these broken things
All we had were fragments
You were stumbling a new way down
Falling on your broken wings
All we had were fragments.

Jaymes Young : Fragments

Bless This Wayward Daughter

Mistress

Contents Under Pressure

Scott broke the RV.

That was a lie. Scott didn't break the RV. A worn out radiator hose had broken the RV. But it brought a bit of joy to the girls the way he blushed and fervently corrected them. Of course it would happen to him just as he got to drive.

"Drive" was a very loose description of it in Odette's opinion. He had really only just sat there with his foot on the gas as she and her father tried to make him keep his eyes on the road. Luckily the radiator hose had busted before he had really gotten in an accident. The close call with the van had been enough to steer them clear from the thought Scott should be driving.

So now they waited as their father tried to fix the hose with some help from a do-gooder he had found. Their real luck was that they were close enough to get to the start of the town. If they were still out in the beatniks there was no telling how long they'd have to wait.

Scott looked towards his sister, still curled up in the passenger seat. Since Kyle's outburst, she seemed tired. Kate glanced over her as well. A deep guilt making her feel sickly as she cursed herself for ever telling Kyle.

A sharp banging startled Odette to attention. The muffled cries of "Goddamn it!" send her into a panic. Throwing the blanket off her she pointed at the children to sit back down and stay there.

"What the hell is going on out here?!" Ettie slammed the door closed as she called to her father. Crossing her arms she looked from her father's new friend to him. "Dad?!"

His eyes were narrowed and slightly glazed as he huffed and puffed to catch his breath. Whatever had caused his outburst had done a number on him. Their father had never been one for swearing except for the occasional 'hell' or 'damn'. When he was worked up enough to curse, he was worked up enough to warrant concern. The repeated yells of "Goddamn it" weren't doing anything to reassure the kids that he was okay.

Jacob tightened his burnt hand on the wrench. With some deep breaths he tried to regain his composure. "We're just trying to knock something back into place."

Odette looked at her father, who wouldn't met her curious eyes to his friend, who quickly turned away from them. Now he was lying to her. And not even very well. "It's a hose, you don't knock it back into place."

Her father wiped the sweat from his forehead and readjusted his hat. "Ettie, just...just get back in the car please."

"What's going on?" Kate stuck her head out the door.

"Back!" Ettie shooed her sister back into the RV like a dog. Kate glared at her before complying. She was eighteen, not eight, and she was tired of being kept in the dark like a child.

"It's all right, Ettie. I promise." Jacob wanted nothing more to hide his outburst. He was ashamed he had caused such a fuss.

The older girl's contemplative look turned into one of anger. And when she leaned towards him, Jacob frowned. "Lying to them for the better good is one thing. Lying to me is just stupid." She whispered before taking his advice and returning to the RV. They needed to be in this together, and cutting her out was only gonna hurt whatever peace they had managed to find.

His new friend stepped in to alleviate the sadness that dropped the man's shoulders. "Hey, man, this puppy's gotta cool off for a little while. Why don't we head back inside and cool off ourselves?"

Jacob stared at his reflection in the scratched and dented bumper. At one point it had obviously been roughed up badly enough it needed to be welded back together. If only he could do the same to his family.

When Katie had insinuated he had stopped believing in god, he had told her the truth. Losing Jennifer had been tough on all of them. This trip was meant to bring them together again. To help heal their broken family and do some much needing searching and maybe find a new path.

But no matter how hard Jacob thought on it, he didn't see God in that path. By the very words he preached, it was decided his wife and daughter wouldn't be up there waiting for him when he passed. They were good souls. Troubled, but good nevertheless. The idea he'd worshiped in something that punished them for their weakness and disregarded their grace... it didn't sit well in his mind or in his heart.

"I could use that drink." He dropped the wrench to the hot asphalt, and headed for the bar.

Ettie wasn't the only Fuller plagued by addiction.

Jacob's new friend, Earl, thanked the bartender when she placed the mugs of beer in front of them.

"You and Shelby have any kids?"

"Well, We're working on it." Earl sipped his cold beer before sighing. "I don't know if I'm ready, to be honest."

"Hang on to her. It's a team sport." Jacob's hand closed around the cold glass and brought it closer. "My oldest, Ettie." Jacob shook his head. "She's trying. Always tried to do right by the world. But she's troubled, ya see. Two or twenty, the girl just managed to have it find her."

"She seems to have the kids under control." Jacob had to put down the mug of beer in fear it would slosh and make a mess. A wheeze like laugh made his full body shake. "Yeah. That's Ettie. Got control of everyone but herself." He covered her eyes with his his hand, wiping away the tears he was so sure would come. The idea of it... Another small chuckle escaped. "Her mama and I prayed everyday, you know. Let her be healthy. Let her be beautiful. Let her be humble and good hearted..." He sighed.

"Seemed to work."

"Sure did." Jacob took a large sip. "Beautiful as her mama, and never a sick day in her life. Well not by any cold. Heroin did a number on her."

Earl nearly spit out his beer. "Jesus." He coughed the drink out of his windpipe.

"Too smart. Too talented. Too beautiful." Jacob's eyes narrowed as if remember a bad memory. "She was a good catch. And that... no good bastard of a boyfriend knew it, too. Snatched her up and ran with her like a.. like a..."

"Bastard?" Earl supplied.

"Goddamn right." He tilted his cup in appreciation. As a man of a cloth, Jacob was bound to forgive all those who begged God's forgiveness. But no matter how much that boy begged, there wasn't a single day Jacob looked at his daughter and didn't wish for the lord to smite him wherever he stood. Maybe that was the first sign he had begun to lose his faith. The ex-reverend raised his glass for another drink, only to find the glass empty.

"Another, sir?" The bartender asked.

Jacob nodded once and handed over the cup. He'd already broken so many of his promises. What was one more?

As he watched the beer fill up to the top and laid in front of him he thought of the temptation that came from picking it up. He thought of his long suffering daughter, and remembered the last time he wanted to drink this badly.

Eight days the Fuller family went through hell looking for Ettie. Her friends, the good and the shady, hadn't seen head or hide of her in months. Night and day they worried, waiting for any sign of life from the run away before the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

Alex had found her more than half dead with a needle in her arm.

At 6'4 and 300 pounds, the Comanche man was a mountain that blocked up any doorway he stood in. As the reverend gave the doctor his gratitude he turned to find him sitting in front of Odette's room, still as could be in the little chair. Seeing her father, he stood out of respect. Jacob rubbed his face, tired from the long drive and the extra knowledge he now carried. She's taken three times what any hardened junkie could handle They said it was an accident, that it happened more often than some might think. Not with his daughter. Not with Ettie. "Don't bullshit me, son. My daughter is, has been, and will be a lot of things but a downright fool ain't one of them..." Alex stood straight, casting a shadow over the reverend. An accidental overdose they said. That wasn't no accident. "She tried to kill herself didn't she." With a silent nod Alex confirmed his worst fears.

It was like a stab to the heart.

He entered her room with such quiet grace, careful not to disturb her even though his knees were knocking together and felt they would give out on him at any minute.

"Ettie."

Her eyes shifted under their lids, straining to wake up under the heavy sedation. "Baby." His voice broke. "Why?"

"I'll take her to rehab in the morning."

"I don't think that can help her." Jacob whispered. All her life there was something in her that sought out trouble. Be it boys or drugs or bad choices. She had made her bed. Now she had to lie in it. "I don't think anything can help."

"Not even your god?"

"God doesn't give us the victory. God gives us the strength to keep fighting for it. Truth is, I don't think he has anything left to give her."

"You shouldn't give up on her."

The reverend looked up at the mountain of a man. His brown eyes trained on his daughter. Alex had always looked at her like she was the moon and stars. He always saw something in her, something different than the rest of them. Jacob looked at his baby girl, thought she laid still, her arms and legs were folded and twisted. She'd always been and always will be restless. Both in body and spirit. Nothing seemed to change that. "I haven't given up on her. Just given up on trying to change her."

Odette remembered the day well. And even though he claimed to still have faith in her, she always got the sense he was waiting for her to fail again. Preparing for the worst when, not if, it came.

Shifting in the seat she let her head fall back against the window. She closed her eyes and listened to the music flowing from her headphones. Everything is just temporary, she reminded herself. This restlessness will pass. This craving will fade. As Alex used to tell her, she just had to hold out till then.

Behind her, Scott and Kate also found themselves unable to be distracted from their own pestering thoughts.

Flipping the page of the comic Ettie had bought him, Scott glared up at Kate. It was a horrible thing, bringing Kyle into family business like that. "Why do you got to be such a b-yotch?"

Kate seemed hurt by the accusation but admitted it was deserved after the day they'd had. Just because she was being bitchy didn't mean she wasn't right. "I don't know. Maybe because he's going against everything he's ever believed his entire life?"

"And why do you keep asking dad about the accident? What do you care?! Sometimes you sound like you think it's his fault."

"I never said that, Scott! Scott pointedly looked back to their sister, still asleep in the front. Kate brushed her hair from her face, the familiar trait drawing Scott's attention. "Okay, I'm sorry! I don't know how to do this."

"Do what?"

Sitting across from him Kate lowered her voice. "Dad is losing it." No matter how hard her and Ettie tried to look like everything was fine, Kate most definitely knew something was very wrong. "He's not in a good place right now. But we never had to worry about that kind of stuff because mom always knew how to take care of him and us. I can't take her place. I don't know how to be mom."

"Then don't try to be. Ettie's gonna take care of him. She always takes care of it."

Kate rolled her eyes. Scott was always so blinded by their sister. Hero worship or something. Of all the people he could look up too, their sister should not be one of them. "When she's here! What happens in a few months when she relapses again and takes off?"

"She's not gonna leave again, she promised!"

"She promised after the funeral, too. Remember?!" Scott didn't like what Kate was saying but it was a hard truth he needed to learn. "And then three months later she was back to doing drugs."

"She got help this time, real help!"

"Don't let the comic books and happy smile steer you wrong, Scott. Ettie's always been Ettie...she's never gonna change."

Scott stood up and pushed Katie out of his way. He didn't want to hear anymore.

In the front passenger seat, Odette wiped a tear from her eyes. They obviously hadn't been prepared for her to hear them. Startling Kate, she got up and walked past. The younger girl called out for her with a weak voice, putting together the fact she had stuck her foot in it when her sister held up her hand and slammed the door closed.

It was time to get this family moving before they broke under the pressure.

"Ettie!" Jacob drunkenly cheered at the sight of his daughter. Odette hesitated as she approached.

What. The. Hell.

Momentarily changing her attention from him to his friend, she requested they be given a moment alone. Earl seemed like he had been caught by his mother with his hand in the cookie jar. Without a word he grabbed his beer and moved down a few seats. He had a wife. He knew the look of an tested woman when he saw one.

And lord, was Ettie being tested right now. "Dad, what are you doing?"

"Drinking."

"Yeah, yeah I see that, Daddy. But it's four in the afternoon."

Jacob matched her knowing tone. "I know that Odette."

"Well then how about you put that drink down and come out with me. You can sleep it off in the back." She tried to grab the nearly empty mug from his hand when he slid it out of her grip.

He sighed, sorrowful and deep. "I'm tired Ettie." When her father refused to look up from the wood bar top, she hesitantly took a seat next to him. He obviously wasn't ready to leave just yet. "I'm...I can't do this without your mother. I can't do it alone."

"You're not alone." Even if Kate didn't believe it, Ettie meant it. She was here to stay. "You have me." She tried to smile but it was soured by the sadness in her heart.

When he just fiddled with his mug she looked to the crowd. Silence fell as they both entered their own worlds.

"I don't know how to talk to them. Your mother always handled those thing with those two."

"Oh that's not true dad." She remember her mother losing patience with her as a child. Sending her father after her when she refused to listen to reason. Come to think of it, Ettie didn't remember talking to her all the much. Yelling, yes. Ignoring, even more. But talking like two civilized women?... She drew a blank. Luckily her father was there to talk some sense into her. Always the calmer of the pair, he knew how to talk Ettie down from her room and keep the peace in their household. "You know to talk to them. You did great with me remember?"

Jacob scoffed into last of his drink. "Eh, look how you turned out." Whatever pain Kate's words had caused were nothing compared to the nonchalance in which he disregarded her. Looking at her father she begged for him to take it back. "Had two of us back then. Tried our best with you and you still turned out..." Jacob waved his hand before dropping it to the bar top, looking for the waitress. When he noticed her stare he looked at her blankly. "What?" He hiccuped. Why'd she look like she was about to cry? "What'd I say?"

"Nothing I didn't already know." She tried to laugh it off as the tears kept fighting. She flicked a stray one away with her finger. "You.. you finish that drink and then meet us out front." She didn't wait for a response, not that she really expected one.

She just needed out of the dark bar.

She felt like she couldn't breath.

She couldn't go back to the RV in the state she was in so she detoured to the alleyway out of sight. Her back hit the brick wall as it finally took hold. Covering her face with her hands, her knees gave out and she fell into a squat.

After a small melt down she collected herself. If there was ever one thing she and her mother had in common it was the ability to lose their minds and have no one the wiser.

Collecting herself, she wiped away the tears and running make up and sniffed up her runny nose.

Shake it off. He didn't mean it, she recited in her head while she begged her chest to stop aching.

Her father hadn't had more than the occasional glass of wine in more than twenty years. Now he sat drunk in a bar at four in the afternoon.

Their family was falling apart. And Odette didn't have any clue how much long she could keep it together.

Fuck. She could barely keep herself together.

As she was so clearly reminded by the itch under her veins. The scars stared up with her with a dark mocking. Almost egging her on to add to them.

Goddamn it, indeed.

Fifteen minutes was all it took for the younger pair to become worried. They're search didn't take long. Seconds really, as Kate opened the door to find Ettie sitting on ground outside of it. Her older sister's attention was fixed on something she couldn't see. A spot on the old brick building that had hypnotized her. Her knees were raised to her chest, her left arm stretched forward as the fingertips of her right hand hand rubbed up and down the inside of it. Counting scars. Counting bricks. Counting anything to keep her mind off the cold chill of a craving.

When she heard Kate close the door behind her, she stopped rubbing for a moment before continuing at a slower pace. She really wasn't in the mood for this shit.

"Is dad coming?"

"Not yet."

"Why not."

"He's a having a drink with a friend. Leave him be." She didn't want Kate to see him drunk. God only knew what else would spill out of his unfiltered mouth.

Debating between going back inside with a brother who was mad at her,or a sister who didn't seem to be particularly found of her. Her sister, and more importantly the fresh air, won out. Sitting on the little steps, Kate looked down at her sister.

It was funny to think about, but once upon a time Katie would give for nothing more than to be just like her big sister. Six years older than her, Odette always seemed perfect in the eyes of her family and everyone else. But to Katie...she was like the second coming. She had the pretty name. She had friends. She had talent. She knew boys. Boys who liked her. And she was the apple of mom and dad's eyes.

Maybe that was the issue. The world could only ever handle one Odette Fuller.

And when Katie would try to act like her, she never managed to live up. She couldn't sing like Ettie. She couldn't fence like Ettie. She didn't know how to talk to boys like Ettie. And at twelve years old, Kate would wish and pray that one day she would be the star of the family.

Had she'd of known God would listen, she wouldn't have done it. She loved her sister dearly. And when mama and daddy told them she wasn't coming home it was like everything seemed wrong in the world. And then they focused on Scott, just like Ettie had. They were closer. He missed her more. They had to be more careful when mentioning her around him because he got upset and threw those horrible tantrums.

She wasn't to scream and cry too! But no. She had to be the big girl now.

Kate was flat out lying to her family and herself if she didn't admit she felt bitterness towards her. Now her sister sat beside her, low in station and spirits, literally and figuratively, and Kate wanted this dark feeling inside her to go away. She didn't want to be angry. She just didn't know how not to be anymore. Not when it came to her sister.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Kate played with the sleeves of her sweater. "Telling Kyle about-" Kate couldn't say it. "I-I was just so mad."

Ettie scoffed and continued to rub her arm. It drew Kate's eyes to the scars. Ettie looked away and to her otherwise, glaring at the sun and searching for another sign of life as she finally stopped rubbing her arm. "I don't blame you, kiddo." She used the fold away stairs as leverage, getting up before dusting herself off. The fact she wouldn't look at her made Kate want to throw something. "I hate me, too." She kissed the girl's hair like she did when she was a child before going back into the RV. "Come inside and pay some card with me and Scott." Kate's brows furrowed as the door closed behind her. She didn't want to play card. She wanted to go home. And if she couldn't go home she damn well didn't want to stay here. Getting up, she ignored her sister's advice and marched into the bar.

Inside the RV, Ettie pulled on the her plaid shirt over the blue tank top and rolled down the sleeves. She wanted the scars covered for now. Even though Alex told her to embrace them as a reminder of her fight, right now it was just reminding her how much easier the world seemed with a couple grams of heroin pumping through her.

Buttoning up the middle button she happened to glance up through the window in time to see Kate marching towards the bar. Neither Kate nor Scott had ever seen her father drunk. And now really wasn't the time to either. "Damn it. Stay!" She ordered Scott as she ran out the door. The younger boy threw the box of card on the table and crossed his arms. He was really tired of being told to sit and stay. His name was Scott not Spot. But just because he had to stay didn't mean he couldn't watch. Peaking through the window he watch his sister race towards the entrance. Kate was tempted to stick out her tongue as she watched the door close behind her. Ettie's quick walk turning into a jog at the sight.

"Daddy?"

"Katie-kakes! Where'd your sister go?" Kate stared at him like an Alien, looking at the beer in his hand like she'd never seen one before. Jacob picked up on her confusion and tried to explain. "W-We were letting the engine cool down."

"You've been in here for an hour, Daddy. Come on." Like Odette, Kate tried to steer her father out of the bar. He wouldn't have it.

Instead, he grabbed Katie and stoked her face. "This this is my little girl." He introduced Earl. "She's always looking for the family toolbox."

Kate wasn't handling their drunk father nearly as well as Jacob's oldest had. Earl picked up on the discomfort and polity smiled and stretched out his hand to shake. "How you doing?"

"Trying to find ways to fix her old man."

"Katie!" Ettie grabbed Kate by the shoulders and pulled her out of their father's grasp. "Go back to the RV. Go on. We'll catch up." She assured her. Kate didn't even argue this time, too shaken by the foreign sight.

Had she been in her right mind she wouldn't have nearly collided with the man in her path. "Well, aren't you a little young to be hanging out in here?" He eyed her up and down. The commotion caught Ettie's hawk like attention. Kate scoffed and crossed her arms. Creeped out by his stare she moved a bit quicker out of the bar. "You're a little pistol, aren't you?" He commented after her.

"Hey! Back off!" Ettie yelled at the stranger. The older blonde man raised his hands in defense and carried on back to his table. When Katie was out of the bar, Odette lost her temper. Turning to her father she grabbed his beer and walked it over to the bartenders sink, throwing it down the drain against her father and Earl's objections. "I am not mom, I sure as hell not your mom but Jacob Fuller, father or not, if you're gonna act a fool I'll down right treat you like one." She pointed at him. Jacob looked at her like a lost puppy. "Now get out there now or I'll fix it myself and leave you here."

"That's no way to talk to your father, Missy."

"Earl, is it?" Ettie glared at him. The sudden years it put on her face changed Earl's view of her.

"U-Yes ma'am."

"Shut up, Earl."

Earl listened.

"Fullers don't leave Fullers." Jacobs reminded her.

"Fullers don't drink before seven either." She pulled out her wallet and laid down three twenties. "Looks like we're all making changes." Pointing to the bartender she ordered her not to give him anymore, adding an extra twenty to make sure. The bartender looked from the young woman to her father before nodding and taking the cash.

Storming out of the bar, Ettie called for Kate to get out of the luggage compartment and back in the RV.

It was a dark day when Odette Fuller had to be the responsible one.

Please Review :) It does wonders for my motivation and since I recently quit my job I could use it.

In case you couldn't tell, Kate wants nothing more than Ettie's attention. She never really got it as a kid, so she's searching for it now. I'm sorry if Kat's come off bitchy these past few chapter, I'm not bashing her character, I'm just setting up the dynamic between her and Ettie for the rest of the story. I'll be doing my first Seth focus scene next chapter so I apologize in advance for it's iffy quality. On the upside: action, Seth, and Richie! Thanks Sarcastic-Enigma for being amazing as always and the rest of you who have alerted, favored, and reviewed. :)