Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Emma almost forgot how to breathe while in Regina's arms, but at the same time she hadn't felt more relaxed in her entire life. Regina smelled like a mix of cinnamon and apple.

"Emma?" Regina said.

"Mm?" Emma replied.

"Are you awake?" Regina teased and kissed her forehead again. Emma got goosebumps, but she suddenly felt sick. What did Regina even see in her? Would she still like her if she knew about all the terrible scars Emma's body was covered in? Fuck you brain!

Emma bit her lip and suddenly pulled away. Regina frowned and wondered where this reaction came from. "Are you okay, dear?" Regina asked carefully and Emma looked away. "Emma, please, look at me."

"No" Emma sighed. Regina knew the blonde was stubborn but Regina was also as stubborn as a donkey, so she moved closer to Emma, then gently cupped her face in her hands, and forced Emma to met her eyes. There were so many emotions in the blonde's eyes. The one she recognized the strongest was fear.

"Emma, talk to me. Please? Tell me what's going on. Did I do something wrong?" Emma pushed Regina away, but didn't break eye contact.

"No...absolutely not! It's me. It's.. Gah! It's my fucking mind. My head is spinning.." Emma Let out a frustrated groan.

"Are you freaking out because I kissed you?" Regina stuttered and Emma saw how sad Regina looked.

"No! Of course not!" Emma said and stood up to move further away from the brunette. "Maybe? No. I don't know…. At first I wanted to pull away, but then something inside me woke up. I don't know how to explain it, but it felt like I came alive for the first time in my whole life, and I didn't want to stop kissing you. Just now, you made me feel more safe then I have ever felt, but it freaked me out too I guess." Emma shook her head as she headed for the front door."I need some fresh air." the blonde stated and Regina nodded. Not wanting to just stay there uselessly, she followed Emma outside to the porch.

"Emma it's okay." Regina said and bit her lip. She was still slightly confused "I crossed the line. I'm sorry" Regina went with the safe bet.

"Regina that's not what I mean." Emma sounded confused, almost defeated before she sat down on the patio couch then spoke again "I'm just afraid I'm not good enough for you." she finally spoke the only thing she could hear in her head clearly.

"Why would you think that?" Regina asked perplexed. Emma sighed and stood up again, pacing back and forth on the porch.

"God Regina, look at the house you live in to begin with! It's a fucking mansion! The finest place I have ever lived in is granny's small apartment. I don't have any fancy designer clothes or some fancy car. I work as a waitress in a diner. Plus I'm a fucking foster kid. What could I even have to offer you?"

"Yourself." Regina replied as soon as Emma had stopped talking. Emma was surprised at Regina's quick and honest answer, and stopped her pacing.

"What?" Emma frowned.

"Emma I don't care about your past, I don't care that you work as a waitress or that you don't have a car. I just want you. Just as you are. Is that so hard to understand?" Regina asked and stood directly in front of Emma. Their eyes locked then the blonde couldn't really understand what was going on.

"Regina you don't know what you're getting involved with. I'm broken" Emma said and was totally breaking down. Regina didn't say anything. She just laid her arms around Emma's waist and pulled her closer.

"Emma, I Don't care." she said. "I like you just as you are, and I don't want to rush anything okay? One step at a time. If I move too fast, just say so okay? Because now that I have gotten a taste of you, I could never let you go." Emma dried her tears and pressed her lips against Regina's.

Her mind was spinning like crazy but at the same time she had never felt more clear headed in her life. She knew Regina meant every word she said, because she knew from Ruby's stories that Regina wasn't the person who talked about feelings lightly.

"Emma even though we shared a few kisses, nothing needs to change. We can just leave it at that and continue to be friends. If you want the opposite, that's fine too. I would never hurt you Emma, I hope you know that. Besides if I did, your big sister would hunt me down and throw me to the wolves." Emma couldn't help but laugh at the last sentence.

"Well" Emma shrugged. "I want you Regina. I always wanted you. I just don't know how a relationship works, or what you do, or what you say. I have never had someone to call mine." Regina studied Emma. She saw how hard all this was for her, but at the same time, she knew Emma was a warrior. She had survived so many terrible things and even though she had actually survived them, it had left deep scars that Emma would struggle with for the rest of her life.

"What are you most afraid of, if we should take a step forward in our relationship Hm?" Regina asked. Emma acted like she was thinking about it, but she knew her biggest fear

"To let you see my body" Emma sighed and bit her lip. "I hate my body. All the scars are memories of all the shit I've gone through."

"Emma I Don't care about scars. Everyone has some kind of scars. Some have scars you can't see and some do. It's nothing to be ashamed of"

"Do you watch much Dr. Phil?" Emma chuckled and Regina raised a confused eyebrow.

"What?"

"Never mind. Let's go inside and see if we could find some movie to watch." Emma smiled and grabbed Regina's hand. The two went inside the enormous house.

Regina noticed Emma was nervous and tense as they went to bed. Regina was wearing her usual pyjamas, but Emma hadn't removed a single piece of clothing, and was now lying under the covers in her jeans and tanktop.

"Emma, don't shut me out again. I'm not gonna judge. So just talk to me, what's going in in that beautiful head of yours Hm?" Regina asked carefully. She knew Emma was afraid to show her body but didn't want to push too much, because she wanted Emma to trust her.

"I don't want to talk about it.." the blonde groaned.

"Okay" Regina shrugged. "I can tell you something about me then. Something I haven't shared with anyone else"

"What? No you don't have to do that Regina." God now I feel bad.

"I want to Emma. I trust you and I want you to trust me okay?" Regina insisted and Emma nodded.

Regina's father Henry had been sick for a long while. He had always been a man full of life, love, and laughter. Regina hated to see him like this, but she was glad that he could be home and didn't have to be in a hospital. Just a perk of being rich she supposed.

Cora was hardly around now, and Regina was kinda glad for it. Because that meant she got the chance to enjoy this time with her father, not knowing if or when he would pull through.

Henry had had his own bedroom for a few years now, and it felt like an entirely different house. The room was full of light, paintings, and pictures of him with Regina or a young Cora.

Kathryn, the nurse Cora had hired, lived in the guesthouse. She seemed really nice and treated her father well, so Regina liked her.

"Good morning Miss Mills" Kathryn smiled when the young girl joined them. Regina smiled in response before she walked over to her father's armchair and gave him a big hug.

"Good morning dear, what a lovely surprise." Henry grinned. "Kathryn, go out and enjoy the sun and please, feel free to use the pool."

"It's time for your lunch soon Mrs Mills?" the nurse stated hesitantly.

"Don't worry dear, Regina could certainly help me with that. Now couldn't you dear?"

"Of course Daddy!" the young girl nodded gladly.

"See? Now go outside Kathryn. Take the afternoon off. I will now I have my favorite daughter here with me." Henry chuckled. The nurse nodded and left the room with a big smile on her lips.

"So Daddy, what do you want to do today?" Regina asked and sat down next to her father. He had gotten thin due to sickness, but he hadn't lost the twinkle in his eye.

"Well how about going down to the stables? I know I can't ride anymore, but I love to see you on your favorite horse." Regina missed her rides with her father in the woods. It had always been their thing since Cora despised the horses. Regina believed she only let them be, because it was a status symbol to have horses, and Cora was all for keeping up appearances.

Regina's father was her mother's opposite. He didn't care about what people thought, and didn't even like to be around other rich people. He was instead, a man of the people. He and Regina always had lunch at Granny's, and everyone in town loved him.

Regina had been terrified that day her father had just collapsed in front of her, and had been rushed to the hospital. As it turned out, he had cancer in his stomach and there wasn't anything the doctors could do. It wasn't treatable. The only thing they could really do was make his last days comfortable.

Henry had said he didn't want to spend his last 6 months alive, rotting in some hospital bed. No, he wanted to spend his last days with his daughter.

Cora had almost lost her mind when he stopped working. He didn't care though. Henry had never cared about his wife's opinion. All he really cared about and always had, was Regina.

When the two of them had reached the stables Henry was grinning. He loved his horses and knew how much Regina shared that feeling. When the stable boy, Daniel, saw them he came jogging up to them.

"Mr Mills, Miss Mills" he greeted. "How are you feeling Mr Mills?"

"Well I'm still alive ain't I?" he chuckled. "Please Daniel and get Rocinante ready for my daughter?"

"Absolutely Mr Mills!" Daniel nodded and jogged over to the stables while Regina sat down on the bench next to her father's wheelchair.

"I wish you weren't sick." Regina groaned and her father saw the tears in his daughter's eyes.

"Don't be sad my dear, everything happens for a reason, even bad things like this." Henry said and dried his daughter's eyes. "Now, just let us enjoy our last time together?"

"I know daddy, but what is gonna happen when it's just me and mother around?" Regina sighed. She hated herself for thinking quite often that she wished Cora had been the one sick instead of Henry. "Ignore your mother Regina, and just concentrate on yourself Hm? Promise you would find someone who loves and treats you well okay?"

"But mother doesn't approve of that. She just says love is weakness, and that a girl can't love a girl you know?" Regina had never actually had to tell her father she liked girls, he had known since she was practically a kid. Her mother knew too, but she tried to ignore it.

"Love is the most beautiful thing there is in life, and even though I'm not gonna be alive to see who finally deserves you, I know you're gonna meet someone one day. Just hang in there, okay dear?"

"Yes daddy."

"That's my girl."

"So I remind you of your father in some way?" Emma asked carefully and Regina dried her tears. She hadn't openly talked about her father since he had died, but it felt really good to talk about him again. She had so many wonderful memories of him that she would love to share with Emma.

"Yes you do. You share his spirit, and even have the same twinkle in your eyes." Regina replied. "It felt good to talk about him. I haven't trusted anyone to share all the memories of him with, but I trust you. You remind me of him so much." Emma took a deep breath, and understood what Regina was doing.

So without thinking so much about it, the blonde moved the covers off of herself and stood up.

Regina tried to grab her arm. Emma stood with her back to her, and was closing her eyes.

"Emma, you don't have to." Regina whispered but Emma didn't turn around, she just removed Regina's hand and took a deep breath. Emma took of her tanktop. Regina had to bite her lip hard to not say something. Emma's whole back was full of all kind of scars. She reached out and let her fingers brush against everyone of them. Emma, what have they done to you?

Emma almost couldn't breathe, and still had her eyes closed, but suddenly she felt Regina's fingers run over her back, lightly touching some of her scars. She didn't know how to react so she just stood frozen on her spot.

"You're beautiful." Regina said after a while and Emma turned around to face her slowly, showing even more of her scarred body. The ones she had on her stomach were the worst. It was the same ones Ruby and granny had seen the day that she had arrived to town.

"I'm not beautiful.." Emma whispered, with her eyes remaining closed.

"Yes you are Emma. Look at me" Regina said with a soft and gentle tone.

"No.." Emma stuttered, feeling her anxiety rise with every breath. Regina instead stood to her full height and cupped Emma's face in her hands.

"Emma, your body isn't what makes you who you are. I wouldn't care if your body would have had twice as many scars as this! You are beautiful."

"Really?" the blonde asked and opened her eyes to meet the eyes shining with mirth in front of her.

"Really!" Regina smiled and pressed her lips to Emma's. The sudden kiss caught Emma off guard but she felt how it made her relax immensely. Suddenly she could breath again, and her body stopped shaking. Why aren't I panicking?

Regina grabbed Emma's hand and led them back to the bed. Emma took off her pants and they both climbed down under the covers. Regina laid her arms protectively around the blonde. Emma felt oddly safe. She felt loved. She felt almost normal for a second. She never wanted to lose this. Or lose Regina. Ever!