CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR

EVOLUTION

16x06 True Conviction

Everything that they had said in their last conversation was echoing in her head. Mercifully, Penelope was able to get the body cam footage back up in a matter of minutes, but it didn't silence the echoes.

This was my shot, I had to.

No! No. You didn't have to. You wanted to!

Emily felt her hands go numb and her hearing become distant. She was familiar with the warning signs of passing out. But she was the boss - surrounded by her friends and colleagues. She couldn't pass out. So, she just hoped it would pass. And when she watched JJ stand up on the camera, it did.

"We need to get to Georgia now."

"I can dispatch the Atlanta division."

"Douglas, it's time," Emily rebuked immediately. She hoped the use of his first name would convince him of how serious this was. He nodded and Emily walked out of the conference room before he could change his mind.

She felt Tara close behind. Emily shook her head, thinking to herself.

Everyone is worried. We're all nervous, we're swamped!

Where are you going?

Out.

She wished the last thing they'd said to each other wasn't hostile. But ending every single interaction by saying something loving and significant was impossible. That couldn't be the lesson in all of this. JJ was alive. Not just that - she was walking around. That's what was important - that they would have a chance to make up…

Emily sat away from the rest of the team on the plane. She looked out into the darkness. The plane still smelled new. The seats were stiff compared to the old, worn down seats in the old plane. It was different… and yet completely the same. She thought back to all the memories she'd made sitting in the BAU jet.

Her mind wandered to her wife. Adrenaline was still coursing through her veins a little. Emily glanced over to the couch. That's where she had told JJ about her past. About Lauren Reynolds and Ian Doyle. That's where JJ used to lay down when she was pregnant with the boys and too exhausted to keep her eyes open.

She turned and looked at the seat directly ahead of her. JJ was sitting there. She was younger - back when they'd first met. Smiling amorously and telling her that she'd make a good mother. Back before she knew what that smile meant…

Emily closed her eyes and leaned her head back.

JJ was on her feet just finishing with the EMTs by the time they arrived on the scene. He switched from checking her eyes for signs of a concussion to listening to her heartbeat. JJ's eyes searched the SUV's occupants until she found Emily. A smile flickered momentarily on her face. Emily noticed that there was a bandage wrapped around JJ's left arm. When the EMT finished his evaluation JJ walked over and wrapped her arms around her wife. The hug was short - they had work to do - but it made both of them feel better. JJ gave her a short nod when they pulled out of the hug. Emily nodded in return. JJ's eyes had softened considerably since their last interaction. The shock of what had just happened was still fresh.

The plane ride home was sobering. JJ sat across from Emily. The fact that she had almost blown up just hours before was not lost on her - but it didn't change the way she felt. It just made her wish she had approached it differently… JJ didn't blame Emily for moving back to D.C. - not really. If she was being completely honest with herself, she missed a lot about her old job. And she didn't particularly love Maine. But, to her surprise, she really liked being a Unit Chief. And she liked the extra time she and Emily had with their children and with each other. But she could see that Emily wasn't as happy. She tried to hide it, but JJ knew her wife. She missed the BAU.

Emily's eyes wandered away from her phone up to JJ. She was a little surprised to find her already staring back. They held eye contact for a long moment before Luke came over to sit next to JJ.

"Garcia may have something…"

Emily and JJ walked into their house together. Emily prepared herself for the usual onslaught of children. JJ spotted her mother in the living room. She was on her feet swaying back and forth and gently bouncing the baby in her arms. Michael and Henry looked up from the kitchen table. Henry was happily doing his homework and Michael was staring down at the page in front of him, clearly frustrated. When he saw Emily he looked more hopeful.

"Mom, I need help."

Emily came around the table unbuttoning the cuffs of her dress shirt. It was his reading homework. Again. Emily glanced over at JJ who was taking Charlotte from Sandy. A knowing look passed between them. Michael was struggling in school. Especially reading and spelling. They needed to do something about it - meet with his teacher - but they hadn't found the time. Emily suddenly felt worse about being so busy. The one thing she never wanted was for her job to become more important than her children.

JJ busied herself with putting Charlotte to bed. She was babbling, and fussing a little. JJ rubbed her back as they walked up the stairs. "Where's momma?"

"She's downstairs with your brothers."

"It's bedtime?" Charlotte asked through a big yawn.

"Yeah, baby. It's bedtime…"

JJ kissed the top of her head and breathed in her scent. Charlotte was exhausted. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow. She should've been asleep an hour ago. But she really didn't feel like she had the right to be mad at her mother for that. JJ watched her sleep for a couple of minutes. Her mind wandered.

They'd profiled Sicarius as a husband. A father. She didn't know how he could live such different lives. How did he keep them from bleeding together? Maybe he didn't - that thought scared her even more.

JJ appeared at the bottom of the stairs and saw that Emily was still sitting with Michael. He looked frustrated - hand fisted in his dark hair. JJ sighed. She walked over to them, pushed back the hair on Michael's forehead and kissed him tenderly.

"It's bedtime, honey."

"But I'm not done yet," Michael said back. He was on the verge of tears. Emily pulled him into her lap and hugged him. He relaxed a little into her arms.

"I'll help you with it in the morning," Emily responded. JJ looked over to Henry.

"You too. Time for bed."

"But mom, I -"

"Uh - uh. No 'buts.' You have school tomorrow."

Twenty minutes later, they had all three kids in bed. JJ watched as Emily closed the door softly behind her. They walked down the hall together. JJ led the way into their bedroom. Emily reached out and grabbed JJ's arm and turned her around. Neither said anything for a long moment. JJ could see there was fear in her eyes.

"Be honest with me… How close was it?"

JJ stared back at her. She didn't want to tell her the truth. It was way too close for comfort. "Too close," she muttered in a small voice. Emily sighed and closed her eyes. JJ could see the tension she was holding in her shoulders. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," JJ breathed. She invaded Emily's space and wrapped her arms around her waist.

"You had a point…" Emily conceded softly.

"Well, I didn't say I was wrong," JJ said with a hint of teasing in her voice. "I'm just sorry for how I handled it." Emily nodded her head in agreement. "And where I handled it," JJ added.

"We need to talk, Jay."

"Yeah, we do," she agreed. "Tomorrow."

JJ pulled away from Emily and began walking towards their bed. Emily stood in the same place for a long moment. She closed her eyes and leaned her head to the side. She hadn't slept in nearly 36 hours. Emily made her way over to their bed. She pulled the covers back and collapsed against her pillow. JJ flipped the lights off and Emily felt the mattress sink as she crawled into bed beside her. It was only when JJ placed a hand on her cheek and stroked her thumb across it that Emily opened her eyes. JJ smiled tightly.

"We have to do something about Michael," she whispered.

"I know…" Emily agreed. "I'll make a meeting with his teacher next week. I promise."

JJ nodded and removed her hand from Emily's face. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Emily." She rolled onto her back and closed her eyes. Emily opened her mouth to reply but didn't. She didn't know what to say. JJ hadn't said it to be spiteful. And Emily hadn't responded because she knew that, on some level, it was true.

Emily rolled onto her side and pulled JJ into her arms. She kissed her shoulder lovingly and closed her eyes. JJ turned to let Emily pull her in. The last thing she felt was Emily's lips the back of her neck before she fell asleep.