I keep listening to my chest for a beat but there's nothing left.

I broke up with Shirosaki after we graduated. We went to study to different cities and our relationship just wasn't working anymore. After we broke up we somehow lost connection with each other and I was super lonely at the time.

He smiled sadly and sharp pang pierced my chest. He must've noticed.

Don't feel guilty, please! It's ok, not long after I found many wonderful people like Rukia whom I am really close friends with. Anyway, Shirosaki came back to my life when I and Nel moved to Tokyo into that flat you've met Rukia. One day I was on my way to pick Nel from kindergarten and bumped into someone. Classic situation. Of course, it was Shiro. And of course, we both were surprised. We exchanged phone numbers, since we both were in a then and didn't have time to talk. Somehow we started dating again.

Suddenly, my fists started to itch.

He was good to Nel, she liked him very much. Few months later he moved in with us. And that's when I started to notice that Shirosaki is changing or rather, has changed.

He would come back home from work really late, often drunk. I tried to talk to him about this but he just brushed me off not bothering to tell me anything. Then, one evening I brought up an ultimatum – either he stops all this nonsense or we're breaking up. And that was the time he had hit me for the first time. Just slammed his fist into my face and left. I was too shocked to do anything else other than standing dumbfounded. He just walked out of the kitchen and went to bedroom. He didn't say anything. Did not even mutter anything under his breath.

My fists now itched REALLY HARD. Oh, only if I could SCRATCH THEM ONTO THAT FUCKER'S FACE.

I didn't talk to him for the rest two weeks. He still did what he did. I was scared. Of course, I could defend myself. But what if Nel would get caught into this. I couldn't risk her good like that. Also, I was naïve. During those two weeks I thought to myself that Shirosaki was just stressed out and wouldn't do that again.

One night he came back grumpier than usual. And by grumpier, I mean mad. I was in the bathroom cleaning the mirror when he stepped in with malicious glint in his eyes.

(POV change)

'What'cha doin'?'

Ichigo didn't answer. He was still angry and confused because of what happened last time. Shirosaki stepped closer.

'I asked what you are doing!' he raised his voice.

Ichigo flinched. Shirosaki didn't seem to notice.

'Still not talking to me, huh?'

Ichigo kept quiet as if his lips were sewed. And then everything happened so suddenly. Shirosaki gripped oranget's wrists and knocked him down on the bathroom floor. Cleaning tools that Ichigo was using also scattered on the floor.

Ok, now this was way too much. Ichigo was about to punch all the rainbow lights out of crazy albino when the latter leaned in and whispered into Ichigo's ear:

'Try this and the toddler will suffer for you.'

(POV change back)

And so he forced me into it. That wasn't the last time he did that.

My fists were on flame by now. And I believe you know what would put out that flame.

It was horrible. Luckily, Rukia, my best friend, is a lawyer, so we were arranging a plan behind that asshole's back. Too bad we couldn't start that sooner because the grand finale was terrifying – I still have nightmares from that night.

He wanted usual 'service' from me. And I, as usual, tried to refuse. We probably quarreled too loud because Nel came in our bedroom, wondering what had woke her up. She knew that something was up with Shirosaki and me. When that night she stepped into that room she immediately started screaming at Shiro to let me go. He barked her to shut up but of course she didn't listen. And faster than I could even react I saw the most horrifying thing in the world – Nel flying across the room into glass cupboard. That strident, harsh shattering sound and images of bloody glass shatters will haunt me for the rest of my life. And then I started beating him. I hit him until my knuckles were wet not only with his but with my blood as well. When my hands became numb I started to kick him. I kicked him until his voice was sore from screaming.

Then police showed up. Neighbors called it when they heard that loud crash. After that I didn't see Shiro again. He was sentenced for hell knows how long – I didn't want to be in the same space with him anymore, I gave my testimony separately. I didn't even know where he has been all those evenings at after the work – I didn't want to. I still want to do and know nothing, nothing about him.

Nel was admitted to the intensive care unit. I almost died from worrying. During that time my family died in flames. I thought I would crumble. I lost everything; almost everything. Nel was in heavy condition. If not for her, I would've killed myself. That year was horrible for us. But time's curing. Nel woke up from coma that she was in, we found ourselves new apartment and sold the old one to Rukia since she liked it a lot. And that's, I think, it. That's the story up until now.

a/n: welp. I wrote this thousand decades ago but since I'm lazy and forgetful, I didn't post it. And now IDK when will I update since I got lots of schoolwork & stuff. I'm in the last grade but still don't know what should I study after I graduate from high school. Do/did you have same experience? Share it with me then. Also, I want to know what do you think you'll be or how did you chose the profession you now study for/ are in. I know it looks weird but I truly need some ideas and I like knowing stuff /