Disclaimer:- Chihayafuru and the characters are not owned by me.
Thanks everyone for reading this story. The inspiration for this story came from a oneshot on tumblr( post/109976198952/fic-this-is-how-you-lose-her). Everyone who reads this story should read, it is best Chihayafuru, in fact the best fanfic I ever read.
This story mainly follows Chihaya's and Taichi's trials of adulthood.
8 months into University
He is in a prison of his unrequited love for Chihaya, he knew has to get out but he didn't know how. He was shackled by own hopelessness, hoping for a miracle.
But Taichi already learnt that hard work and practice means nothing to make the other person love you.
He must be a masochist and a Coward, maybe that is why he doesn't deserve her. He still doesn't why he is still meeting with Chihaya, despite the fact he is suffocating and drowning around her. Looking at the happy faces of Chihaya and Arata, a small part of him was happy too, but a major part of him is bitter and angry.
He keeps a facade in front of them, though Chihaya doesn't see it, Arata sees through him.
He knows Arata pities him, that is much worse than being called a Coward.
Arata tried to speak to him privately, but he always evaded successfully. Maybe that is the thing he is better at than Arata. Running Away, being a coward.
That truth he realises later is he loses hope to hope. He couldn't even hope to let go of her, still hoping for some miracle to make Chihaya fall in love with him. That is the delusion of the loser, he knows that too. He had been thoroughly beaten by Arata to the point of no recovery, he could never match the passion of Karuta like Arata and Chihaya.
Chihaya's POV:-
Chihaya is about to meet her former classmates from Mizusawa for breakfast. They all are in different colleges, they still a point to get together once a month. Not all them attend all the time, but it brings back memories and reminisce about their school days.
Usually Arata joins her for these meetings, but today he had to go back to Fukui for the weekend to meet his parents. She is sad that she won't able to see her boyfriend this week. She and Arata usually meet up every weekend and on some weekdays when they both go to play Karuta together at Shironami society. They go on dates over the weekend for lunch or dinner, every thing is perfect as it could be.
Boyfriend She still can't believe she has a boyfriend. Finally she can proudly say that she is not just a karuta freak, but also a normal girl with a boyfriend.
Arata kisses still make her feel giddy and warm, make her stomach flutter and cheeks redden whenever she touches him. This is what love is Her heart flutters at that thought.
She confessed her love to Arata and Karuta when she met Arata at his new apartment when he moved to Tokyo to be with her.
And when she played with Arata that day, she forgot everything else. She was finally able to play with the same passion and love of Karuta as Arata. That was one of the best days of her life, she could still remember his kiss that day, everything was magical from her match with Arata and Taichi to her confession to Arata and kiss later on.
Karuta and Arata forever She hopes that things will remain the same as of now.
She is the last one to arrive. She bear-hugged Nishida-kun.
"Sashiburi -ne Nishida-Kun"
He tried pushing her back
"Oy, Chihaya, I am about drop my Natto, let me up"
She let him go, she felt really happy to see them all Komano-Kun, Kannade-chan and Nishida-Kun. Though she knew one more is missing, she didn't want to sour her mood dwelling on it.
They all exchanged pleasantries and she ordered Fried Pork, Miso Soup and White Rice.
They all chatted about their course loads, new friends they made and Karuta. She is really happy to know that her friends are really well in their studies and everything else too.
Her friends congratulated Chihaya on her studies too, though nothing to brag about, but she is bragging, she is now 20th from bottom.
"Have you guys heard from our president? I haven't seen him in 3 months." Kannade-chan sounded worried.
"Mashima? No, I saw him a few times around college" Nishida-Kun responded, as he and Taichi are visiting the same college.
"How is he?" Kannade-chan inquired.
"Talk about depressing, He is going through a depressing phase again like last year and he is not playing Karuta as well. I don't know what he is doing these days, we don't even talk much. He gives me the cold shoulder" Nishida-kun answered with a grim look.
"Taichi is not playing? He is not even practicing in Todai Karuta Society too? I thought he is playing a lot with Suo-san" Chihaya is worried, she knew something is off, she felt like she is losing something or already lost. She hadn't thought of Taichi much these days though with her being busy with Arata, Karuta and University. And she felt guilty too, she didn't know why.
"Suo-san finally graduated and retired from Karuta, You already knew that Ayase" Chihaya the airhead she is, totally forgot that detail. Chihaya felt an indescribable sadness.
Ever since her rejection, she knew things were not okay with her and Taichi. Ever since Arata's arrival, she thought all three of them being together would make things alright between her and Taichi. Hence her pestering Taichi to come to Shirinami society to play or come together with her and Arata to his home to play.
"From what rumours I heard, Taichi is regular in mid-night parties held in our college, you know where they drink and party till morning. There are lot of foreigners who go to those, not many japanese." Nishida-kun spoke in a low voice.
Chihaya was lot in her thoughts after hearing those words from Porky.
Chihaya didn't understand what those parties are about. But Taichi is drinking without her.
She couldn't wrap her head around that, why does Taichi go off alone and do things on his own
It always irritated her about Taichi, he is always been an enigma to her. He always felt strange to her, she couldn't figure who he is. Sometimes he acts very selfishly but most of the time he is very selfless. He is sweet and kind. She couldn't know when he says something, whether he means it or not. She couldn't even figure out whether he is happy or sad by looking at his face. She always loved his kind and sweet side of him.
In a way that is why she felt that special connection with Arata though, he is very much like her. Ambitious, single minded. He speaks his mind like her, loves Karuta as much as her and he also he is the one who introduced her to Karuta. That only bit where he is different is, he is a bit shy compared to her.
But one thing she always knew is that, she could count on him if she needed something. He always had been there by her side to keep her grounded, helped her in need, took care of her whenever she got in trouble, bought a lot of chocolates. He is the person she could count on when she is lost. She always felt that she could go back to him wherever she strayed of to. He is a constant presence in her life.
But right now, her thoughts have been replaced with dread, she is having these feelings for a while. It is like something bad is about to happen and she won't be able to stop it.
Things have been going so well for her since graduation and also her being occupied with university and Arata, she is guilty to agree that she didn't know what's been happening with Taichi. Whenever she met him, he seemed okay to her. He smiled and laughed with them, but with the current revelation by Nikuman-kun, she is realising that things might not be completely okay.
Ah, why is Taichi, so difficult to deal with?
"Chihaya-chan, Chihaya-chan" Oe-san startled her.
"Ha!" Chihaya banged her head with her fist and scratched her hair.
"We should all go talk to him to knock some sense into him. It is so unlike him." Komana added pushing back his glasses with a thoughtful look.
He stopped playing Karuta, He drank without her and Arata, he ran off doing things on his own again, This is not the Taichi she knew. That was the only thought on Chihaya's mind again. She got furious, she pushed back her chair and punched her right with left fist with determination and left her friends. She could hear her friends calling after her, but she has to do it on her own this time.
She is going to drag Taichi back from wherever he went. A thought poured through her Karuta-addled brain Why does he do these things? Does he like it?
She shrugged and shook her head ignoring that thought. That is the not Taichi, That is not Taichi
She boarded the train and she couldn't shrug off the dreadful feeling in her gut.
When she opened the door to Taichi's apartment, surprisingly it was not locked, all her fears came true.
Taichi's POV:-
Taichi is dreaming, he is back in middle school, he could see Arata and Chihaya near the washrooms. The way Chihaya was looking at Arata made him jealous. She never looked at him like that. That boy is a danger, Taichi knew.
But Taichi is afraid of Arata, he saw how he boldly challenged him that he won't let Taichi to even take a single card and the look of adoration in Chihaya's eyes. And he knew Arata could do that without breaking a sweat against him. Taichi is no match for him.
Taichi's hands were shaking, he is the who cornered himself into a box with no way out. He didn't know what to do, but the only thought in his mind was that he is going to lose Chihaya, he didn't care what his mom thought or about his classmates.
Then something shiny flashed on his eyes, he turned to the direction of light and he saw 'glasses' of Arata on the wall facing the sink.
This is his chance, this is the only way, he knew. He didn't care that it is not ethical or moral. He doesn't want to lose her, the one that mattered the most.
He bent down and slowly crept to the wall hiding behind the bushes. He is about to grab the glasses, but a familiar hand caught his hand.
He is caught, he jerked and stood up to face a shocked Chihaya who is still holding his hand and an unsuspecting Arata.
Chihaya let go of his and she balled her fists, Taichi with dread looked into her eyes for the first time and he knew it.
He closed his eyes in fear and a moment later he felt a sharp pain in his stomach.
Taichi jerked up from his bed as a sharp pain in his stomach engulfed him. He woke up from his dream with sunlight shining on his face from the opened door, he rubbed his eyes to see a shining feminine figure standing beside his bed which seemed to breath fire Is it a goddess?. His vision cleared and he could see Chihaya with a shocked and angry face with tears in her eyes.
His partner beside who was still sleeping naked under the shuffled under the covers like him.
"Shut the fucking door" his blonde-haired partner shouted in english, Jess is an american foreign student studying at the same college as him. They met 2 months ago at a rave.
He threw a pillow at Jess, she immediately grabbed it covering her face mumbling 'Thanks'
Taichi grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around his waist and dragged a stunned Chihaya to the kitchen closing the door behind him.
Taichi didn't know what to say to Chihaya, who is still wavering between anger and shock.
"Who .. are .. you Taichi?" "Why?"
Chihaya mumbled between forced breaths trying to control her tears.
Chihaya's POV:-
When Chihaya entered Taichi's Apartment, she was immediately hit by a strong smell of alcohol reeking from the almost empty bottles of beer. She never ever imagined this kind of scenario, she usually avoided any conversation related to drinking, smoking and avoided going to places which smelled of alcohol.
She always dreamed her, Taichi and Arata will go buy a beer from convenience store and drink it celebratorily when they came of age.
But looking at Taichi's room covered with bottles spread everywhere, she couldn't wrap her mind around it. The Taichi she knew would never leave it like this, he is a clean freak!
After the initial shock wore off, she saw more than just bottles. Clothes, both man and woman's left like a trial leading to Taichi's bedroom.
She got a strange feeling inside of her which she hadn't experienced before, and that feeling intensified as she came closer to the bedroom. She opened the door and she saw under garments lying near her feet, she slowly raised her gaze to look at the bed to see her best friend sleeping peacefully with a girl beside him.
That strange feeling made her bawl in disgust at what is infront of her. She couldn't contain the intense sadness she felt looking at her friend.
This is So Wrong, This is not Taichi, No it can't be, I am dreaming She plucked at her hair to force herself to wake up from this horrible dream. Tears clouded her eyes.
But she didn't wake up, so she did the only thing natural to her, she punched Taichi in the gut.
Taichi's POV:-
It is Ironic
It is as if his dream and reality had collided. He always wondered what would have happened if Chihaya had caught him stealing the glasses 7 years ago.
Would she still be his friend? Will she still accept him?
Taichi always tried to hide his darker feelings from Chihaya, his jealousy, his pain, his rage at Arata, his frustration at not having the Karuta talent as Arata or Chihaya, his lust for her. He tried to ignore them for Chihaya's sake. To gain recognition for Chihaya's feelings, to deserve her, he fought against himself. He loathed himself for having those thoughts and desires all these years.
Now for Chihaya to see that hidden side of him, it felt exhilarating. Which shocked him to say the least. He thought he will feel guilty or humiliated.
And now Chihaya is looking at him with utter disgust and rage. All the years he successfully spent trying to ignore his darker thoughts and desires and still lose Chihaya in the end. He couldn't help but laugh.
He laughed so loud like he never had. He held his stomach and mouth to contain his laughter. Oh! the irony.
"It is still me Chihaya" Taichi recovered from laughter which brought a irritated frown on Chihaya.
"The same boy who stole Arata's glasses to win."
That statement brought shock to himself as well as her. He is finally admitting for who he is.
Till now, he hated himself for feeling so jealous at Arata and feeling the intense pain and frustration for losing Chihaya to Arata.
Now admitted this, suddenly seemed to lift a veil over his head, he could see everything clearly. The prison of his own making vanished. He felt lighter.
The feeling of intense self-loathing is gone, now the only thing is left is the heart-ache. Tears started flowing freely.
Chihaya gave him a confused look with tears and ran away. He didn't stop her this time as she fled from his gasp.