Batman Begins: Abridged, not as good as Batman Begins, but better than Batman and Robin.
"So what do you plan to do now you're back?" Alfred asks.
"I was thinking about taking to the streets as a vigilante with a weird bat fetish to bring the city out its general state of self destruction." Bruce summarises.
"Will I have to do anything?"
"Not really."
"Than alright."
At Wayne Enterprises, 4206 days since selling something...
"So that concludes the giant Bat shaped air craft, I'd like to make one, and than we can conclude it's to expensive for production, and chuck it in the basement." Worker 1 says.
"Uh sir, I know we normally decide which items not to sell, but for one, why don't we actually try and make something we're going to sell, and make profit over."
"Shut up Will." Boss guy says.
"Yeah Will!" Worker 1 says.
"Will, the thing dead people write, but I don't cause I'm not dead, I'm right here!" Bruce wittily remarks.
"Master Wayne! But you're dead!" Boss guy says.
"No! Business bla bla bla, business bla bla bla, Wayne enterprises bla bla bla, mine bla!" Bruce says on a business related topic or something.
"Bla bla bla, business bla bla bla, public limited bla bla, ownership bla bla, complicated bla bla." Boss retorts on business related topic, or some crap like that.
"Bla bla bla?" Bruce realises.
"Bla." Boss confirms.
"Can I have a job than?"
"You can either work with the old guy in the basement, or you can have Wills job." Boss informs.
"Hay!" Will protests.
"Definitely Old dude in the basement." Bruce answers.
"Hay!" Will protests.
"Sorry Will, but you're only here for comic relief." Bruce explains.
"Yeah Will!"
In the basement of amazing crap...
"Morgan Freeman! You can't be the old guy in the basement! You're God!" Bruce exclaims.
"Not in this film son, and in one of my next films I'll play the bad guy who gets shot through the head." Morgan Freeman explains.
"Really. Anyway, do you have any devices suitable for vigilante justice."
"Why do you need it."
"Uh, Alfred's needs punishing."
"Than you'll probably need a giant bullet proof super car. A super utility belt, and bullet proof super armour. Alfred puts up quite a fight. We have 2 of everything, but you can only have 1."
"Why?"
"Buddy. I'm gonna get fired with in the next couple of weeks, I'm stealing everything that isn't fixed down."
"Fair enough, hay, where's my wallet gone?"
Meanwhile, in the Court of Gotham, 0 days since case of corruption...
"In short your honour. I feel this was an unfortunate case where the victim jumped into the warning shots, 6 times." Dr Crane explains.
"Alright, ship him off to the nut house." Judge rules.
"Judge. We prefer the term Bananas barn." Dr Crane asks.
"Denied!" Judge rules.
"You're corrupt Crane! Christopher Eccelston was in the running for this role, he deserved it more, the fans would have loved it, also the whole murder stuff. I'm going to take you down!" Rachel Dawes rants
"Get the hell out!" Dr Crane retorts
"Oh I'll get the hell..."
"We've been doing this joke to much. Just get the hell out!" Dr Crane begins.
"Oh, you did not just bad mouth "Get the Hell out" I am so taking you down!" Rachel vows.
In Cave Beneath Gotham manner...
"Master Wayne. You said I wouldn't have to do anything." Alfred moans.
"Shut up and rock climb Alfred. Rock climb like your a criminal who just pulled a job in Italy and needs to pull his gold up the cliff it fell down." Bruce rants.
"Sadly Master Wayne I doubt we'll ever see that."
"Hmm, this cave looks safe enough. Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats!" Bruce yells.
Several hours pass...
"Ahhh! Bats! Hang on, Bats are cool, from this day on, I will be Batman." Bruce realises.
"That seemed a rather sudden change Mr Wayne." Alfred notes.
"Would you rather the we do a Dare Devil like origin story?" Bruce asks.
"Oh God no!" Alfred begs.
A little later...
"I mean come on Jim. How do you know you don't like bribes, of you never took one?" Bent cop asks.
"I just don't alright!" Jim Gordan snaps.
"O.K, it's not that I'm disappointed you don't take bribes. It's that you don't try."
"Hmm, he doesn't except bribes, and look at that moustache! He can join my war of crime, I mean against crime, definitely against." Batman observes.
At Gotham Police Station, 4 days since doing anything...
"Do you know when a drug deal is going down?" Batman asks.
"In generic creepy dock. But who are you?" Jim asks.
"I'm a man without super powers. But a super human power of determination."
"Kind of like the Punisher." Jim notes.
"But I battle using inteligence and technology."
"Kind of like the Punisher." Jim notes
"And I believe in justice, and must..."
"So you're basically the Punisher!" Jim notes.
"No!" Batman begs.
"Than how are you different?"
"I'm Batman!" Batman explains.
"Get the hell out!" Jim yells.
"Oh, I'm getting the hell out, I'm getting the hell out right now!"
"I reiterate...!"
Window smash...
"I'll be damned, he got the hell out!" Jim notes.
I'll be damned, he got the hell out. Change is coming!
O.K guys, sorry to break the fourth wall, ah hell, we're beyond that. But as you've noticed my material is very dialogue based, that's because I get my comic material by doing it as moderately spontaneous stand up to myself.
I've been considering performing this stand up on YouTube for a while now, and I've recently perfected Hell Boy 2, and consdiering how it would be either that or waiting several months as I get through other stuff on my material, well anyway, feel free to send your thought on the reviews. Though be warned, if you expect it's Christian Bale on the other end of the screen, you'll be surprised.