Warning, this chapter contains notable amounts of Christian Bale topless. Men and women with heart conditions should proceed with care. Men and women without heart conditions should also proceed with care. Hell, I should proceed with care, and I'm fairly certain I'm straight. His chest is just so masculine!
In generic creepy dock, a drug dealing is a foot...
"Well drug deal going ahead. City in my control. Master crime lord. Life is going pretty damn fine. I should probably retire on Tuesday." Crime Boss says.
"Oh dear God. My arm doesn't twist that way!" a random dealer yells outside.
"What was that. Ah. Probably nothing." Crime boss wonders.
"I can see inside myself!" probably nothing says.
"Yeah, definitely nothing."
"Ah! Put his face back on!" definitely nothing says.
"I wonder what's taking them so long?" Crime Boss wonders.
Ka-Powee!
"I'm Batman! And all your base are belong to us!"
"This is so unforeseen!"
The Nexy day...
"Master Wayne, why are you doing press ups half naked, what's the point of this scene?" Alfred asks.
"Two words Alfred. Fan girls, fan girls." the very masculine Bruce Wayne says, his chest glimmering in the tiny beads of diamond like sweat, the rhythmic breaths of, hang on, I was narrating something!
"Master Wayne, you need to get laid." Alfred comments.
"Easy enough."
At restaurant...
"Now I know you girls are young, and terribly naive, but I'm positive when I say you could be film stars. But you first have to pass several sexual tests." Bruce explains.
"Bruce. I thought you moderatly liked me. Why are you sleeping around with these sluts." Rachel yells!
"Hay, we prefer the terms sexual deviants." Sexual deviant informs.
"Please Rachel, underneath I'm still the same Bruce you know."
"Hollywood uses that saying to much. We're changing it. Now it only matters what you do." Rachel informs.
"Damn it. A whole lot of Hollywood Disney characters are going to hell."
At random house...
"Dr Crane. Are we doing something illegal?"
"No Jimmy, now continue to dose the area with lighter fluid." Dr Crane asks.
"O.K." Jonny states.
"Batman to the rescue!"
"Eat scare syndrome!" Dr Crane yells.
"Ha! Batman has no fear! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats! Ahhh! Bats!"
"Sir, are we hurting him." Jonny asks.
"No Jimmy, now set the fluid alight and I'll laugh bitterly." Crane informs him.
"Sir. Are we the bad guys?" Jimmy asks.
"Jonny. Just listen to the voices."
"They tell me to burn things." Jimmy realises.
Burn baby burn, disco inferno, burn baby burn.
"Ahh Bats! Ahhh Fire! Ahh Bats! Ahh Fire! To much stuff to worry about! Stop drop role! Better choose good last words! Alfred! O.K those last words sucked!" Bruce yells/ ponders/ does something.
At Wayne Manor...
"Oh Cat-Women, I don't care if are love is forbidden... hang on, phone. Mater Wayne! Ah hell!" Alfred says.
The next day...
"If anyone asks Alfred. I was saving your life. And it was an American who I saved you from. Not an Irishman playing a British guy."
"You know I helped too. I invented an antidote by enhancing the bio-mass of the chemical linkages and reversing the polarity of the neutron flow..." Lucius explains.
"Do you really think I understand any of this?" Bruce asks.
"No. I just want you to appreciate the stuff I had to steal from work to create an antidote."
"How bad is it...?" Bruce asks.
At Wayne Enterprises...
"So any better ideas for how to not sell any items? Will?" Boss asks.
"Oh my goodness, they've stolen Will!" Random worker 1 exclaims.
Back at Wayne mansion...
"Oh well, just Will." Bruce realises.
Will Batman win his war against Dr Crane. Will people get off my case about Cillian Murphy playing an Englishman. Will Will become popular enough to the audience to prompt a Resurrection? Who's better in bed, Cat-Women or Poison Ivy?
To be continued...