This continues directly from Chapter 3. The chapters are not in chronological order so I will try and let you know where they fit in so they don't cause any confusion.
Chapter 4
The rest of the team gathered around the bed next to Weller and Jane.
"What happened?" asked Jane
"You collapsed…" Kurt began
"From exhaustion…" continued Reade
"and malnourishment…" added Zapata
"There must be a mistake, I'm fine. When can I get out of here?"
"Jane, you collapsed. On the pavement. That's what you get when you live on one coffee and a muffin all day after hours of exercise and I'm assuming very little sleep!" accused Patterson
Kurt turned to Patterson.
"What do you mean?"
"Have you really not noticed? Even before you started bringing Jane coffee and something to eat in the morning she barely ate, at least in front of us anyway. Now she only eats what you bring her, at lunch and dinner 'she'll eat later' after finishing paper work or her training, we got so used to it that it became normal…"
The other three looked at the now red team member in the hospital bed, before anyone could comment three cells beeped to inform them that there was a text message. The three owners all looked at their cells and grudgingly got ready to leave.
"This is not over; we will talk about this Jane!" Kurt declared
Jane had a stubborn look on her face. Patterson was staying and was going to keep Jane company so she got comfortable on the only chair in the room. Kurt kissed Jane's forehead as he left which made her blush.
Patterson just talked at Jane mainly about all the programmes she was into and which characters she wanted to ship, at which point she had to explain about shipping. Patterson saw Jane was tired and told her to sleep and she would be here when she awoke.
Patterson, an hour into Jane's nap received a text to head to the office. She left a note on the bedside table to let Jane know she would be back.
The team were walking into the hospital after a long day, it was much later than they expected but they were brought up short when they spotted Patterson walking from the other direction.
"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in Jane's room?" Reade asked
"I was called in; some idiot decided to try and improve our firewall but in fact almost allowed anyone to gain access…"
"I hope the idiot is not still at the office!" Kurt demanded
"Hey, everyone is entitled to one mistake. He knows anymore mistakes and I'll personally see to it that he'll be erased!"
"You can do that?" asked a surprised Zapata
Patterson had a secretive smile on her face as she shrugged her shoulders.
"So what's this guy's punishment?"
"Well I gave him a choice being the tech person for the FBI tech support line or training with Jane."
"Which did he choose?" Kurt asked wearily
"Well the guy is a little arrogant and he really doesn't like taking orders from me because I'm female so he chose to train with Jane…"
"He does know that she would be able to break him in her sleep right?" Reade asked
"What, little old Jane, who has lost her memory?"
"Are you seriously saying he doesn't know how badass she is?"
"He's a new guy and thinks all the stuff people say about Jane is exaggerated plus she's a girl so she can't be that good."
"You really don't like him do you?" Reade asked
"I've tried to be nice, but a number of my team have seen me at various times to …voice their…concerns about him and it was because of these conscientious people that they told me what he was trying to do and I managed to get back just in time!"
"So how are we going to deal with Jane?" Reade asked
"Oh, we're going to tackle her head on. I don't think subtlety will work on her." Kurt announced
They all made their way up to Jane's room. When they opened the door they were surprised to not only find the room empty but the bed made as if waiting for a new occupant.
"May I help you?" a nurse asked
"Yeah, we're looking for Jane Doe, she was brought in earlier today." Reade said
"Oh yes, Miss Doe was released earlier, maybe 30 minutes ago."
"Why weren't we notified?" Kurt asked
"She was adamant she wanted to leave, she responded to the IV and seemed much more herself…"
"How do you know what she's like? You've known her for at most a few hours, she wanted out so she got out! If anything happens to her we'll have your job!" declared Zapata
They all filed out of the rom and rushed to the car to head to the safe house. Kurt barley parked the vehicle before he was out of it and up the steps to Jane's home. He made sure to knock, if the others thought he was pounding on the door instead of knocking that was their problem. He 'knocked' a few more times and called for Jane but all his attempts were met with nothing. He saw Patterson on her phone and he assumed she was ringing Jane, they all waited to hear the ringing of the phone from inside the building but they didn't. Kurt pulled out his key for the house, they all had one but it would be the first time he would be using it. They entered, Kurt went straight upstairs hoping that Jane would be resting in her bedroom, and the others decided to investigate downstairs. They heard Weller coming down the stairs slowly after a few minutes. He was walking slowly as if he was in a daze.
"She's gone. She's taken all of her stuff…"
"Weller…" Patterson began
Kurt sat on the sofa.
"…I can't believe she just upped and left. I thought we were getting somewhere…"
"WELLER!" Patterson said louder
Both Zapata and Reade turned to look at the agitated scientist.
"I thought things may eventually get back to how they were before but Jane took the first opportunity to leave…"
"KURT!" Patterson shouted and took hold of his arm to get his attention
It wasn't the touch that did it; it was the use of his first name. Patterson, ever since she started always used 'Weller'; it took him ages to get her to drop the 'agent' in front of his name. He only pulled rank when someone needed to be put in their place; otherwise as long as everyone did their job he was fine with them. Reade and Zapata only used his first name if they were trying to get through to him, otherwise it would be 'Weller'.
He looked at Patterson with bafflement.
"What?"
"Jane hasn't left…"
"Patterson, there is nothing upstairs in her room, she's cleared out. That says something!"
"…no she hasn't. I have all her clothes, I brought them to the hospital remember?"
"You had a small bag with you that could barely fit a couple of t-shirts in there." Declared Zapata
"EXACTLY!"
"Ok you're not making any sense, how could all her clothes fit into that tiny bag?"
"Because that's all she had!"
"Patterson, you're not making any sense." Said Kurt
"Do you really think that after things thawing between us all of a sudden Jane would just up and leave? She just took all her personal belongings with her? With a 30 mins head start? Does that sound right to you?"
"What are you trying to say?" Reade asked
Patterson rubbed her face with her hand. She really didn't want to broach the subject like this, she thought she would be able to speak to Weller in private to voice her concerns but obviously that's not the case.
"When I came to collect some stuff for Jane, to take to the hospital, as we didn't know how long she would be kept in, Tasha asked me to get her stuff, so I came here and I was shocked. It was exactly the same. I must have just stared for a few minutes before I moved from the door. It was just as bare as it is now. There were no photos or drawings or anything. I couldn't believe it. I quickly went upstairs and I honestly thought it couldn't get worse but I was wrong."
"Why?" asked Zapata
Patterson kept on looking at Kurt as she spoke.
"There's a mattress on the floor, no bed frame, covered in a sheet, no duvet, no blanket, just a sheet. Then there was a pile of…no not a pile, there was a pair of trousers folded neatly on the floor next to a folded long sleeve top which was next to a bag…"
"What was in the bag?" whispered Reade
"A sports bra and a pair of panties."
"So she keeps her under garments in a bag, what's wrong with that? At least they're all together!" Reade expressed
"I said 'a sports bra' and 'a pair of panties' as in singular for both not plural."
"Just one set?" queried Zapata
Patterson nodded.
"But, how can she live with two sets of underwear? Especially during…"
"She doesn't have two sets."
All eyes were now on her. Reade had a slight tint to his cheeks as did Weller when they realized what Zapata was going to say.
"I went to the bathroom to get her toiletries and I saw a pair of trousers, another long sleeved top and another set of underwear. They were hanging up in the bathroom. We all know that Jane is not messy so there's no way she would keep all her stuff all around the house. She only has three sets of clothing, one to wear, one in the wash and one that's clean. She barely has any toiletries, just soap and deodorant. I know she's not into make-up but still. I looked at the rest of the house, there's only one plate and one mug and no cutlery."
"That's ridiculous, why would she only have one of everything for the kitchen…?" asked Reade
"How many of us have been here since she's been back?" Weller asked
They all had sheepish looks on their faces.
"I know I haven't, we all assumed the same thing when we entered, we thought she ran. That's not the case; this is how she chooses to live. The question is why?" Kurt asked
"I have a theory but you're not going to like it…" Patterson spoke up
"Go ahead."
"Well, last time, Jane made the safe house a home and everything was taken from her… and maybe this time…"
"She doesn't want to make a home because she thinks she'll be taken away again." Zapata said
"You can't miss what you never had..." Patterson added
The four of them just looked at each other in despair.
"There's no food in the kitchen." Reade said
"There's not even an out of date carton of milk, no coffee or tea or anything." Whispered Zapata
"She barely eats or lives, she just exercises." said Patterson "I took photos to show you later as I couldn't believe it, it's like she's torturing herself again…"
"No, she doesn't believe she deserves any of this so makes do without…"
"That's not all…"
"How much worse could it be?" asked Zapata
"Well I was curious and looked at her utilities and their usage and was shocked to see she hardly uses them, I mean at all."
"I don't understand…" said Reade
"She doesn't use electricity, she has everything on a smart meter so she can turn on the heating, water, tv and whatever with her cell but she doesn't…"
"I don't do that with my cell, that doesn't mean…"
"I checked the usage for each appliance and there's nothing, zip, zilch, nada, how many more ways do you want me to say it? Think about how cold it was when she first came back. What about how early it began to turn dark? She would have covered herself with just that sheet when and if she slept. She would have had cold showers!" Patterson physically shuddered at that thought.
"We have to deal with this later, the main priority is to find Jane now!" declared Kurt
"Where would she go?"
"I have no idea…" said a desperate Kurt
He was pacing back and forth trying to figure out where Jane would go, he could feel the others looking at him. His phone beeped alerting him to something. He absently took out his cell and checked it, he was shocked to see what he was seeing but after the initial surprise a smile broke out on his face."
"Where's Jane?" Patterson asked
They all saw his reaction, they knew only Jane could put that smile on his face.
He looked up to see all of them waiting for an answer.
"She's in my office, getting comfortable on the sofa!"
He showed them his cell and they all saw as Jane settled onto the couch and fell asleep instantly, snuggled into the navy blanket. They all breathed a sigh of relief.
"You can all go home. I'll see you tomorrow!" Kurt said
He left the house quickly.
"Where is he going?" asked Reade
Zapata and Patterson just looked at him incredulously.
"Seriously? How did you ever become an agent?" Zapata said as she shook her head
"What? It was a simple question!"
"Exactly, a two year old would be able to answer that! Where would you go if Sarah was hurt or ill?"
Before Reade had a chance to answer Tasha did it for him.
"For your sake I hope you would be by her side because big brother would not be happy to find you nowhere near his baby sister if she needed you!"
"So Weller is going back to his office?"
Patterson and Zapata just shared a look, Zapata caught Patterson mouthing the word 'wow' to her as she rolled her eyes in reply.
Kurt walked into the bullpen which was quiet, which wasn't a surprise considering the time. He made his way to his office and slowly opened the door and Jane was out for the count it seemed. He made his way to his desk and switched his table lamp on, took his jacket off and settled down on his chair and took his shoes off and placed his feet on the desk and tried to get comfortable. He faced Jane and made sure the light was on him so if she woke up during the night she would see it was him. He thought he would just stare at her all night; the next thing he knew was he watching as Jane sipped her hot drink and there was one on his desk waiting for him. He must have fallen asleep at some point and during that time Jane had woken up and went to get them something to drink. Jane was staring at him.
"You didn't have to spend the night here." Jane said
"You collapsed earlier in the day, left the hospital didn't return to your safe house, don't look after yourself and you wanted me to ignore you when you came out of the hospital? I don't think so. You're lucky the rest of the team aren't here!"
Jane lifted her eyebrows.
"I told them to go home, if I hadn't we would have had a slumber party."
At Jane's confused look Kurt elaborated.
"When friends have a sleepover, you talk all night."
"When do you sleep?"
"I don't know, girls can talk for forever!"
At Jane's raised eyebrows Kurt held his hands up in surrender.
"Hey, it's a fact. All programmes and films depict women, girls, ladies whatever term you want to use, all have the female of the species as chatterboxes! People who talk, talk and talk." He explained at her blank look.
"So are you referring to documentaries?"
"You've met Sarah right? Then there's Patterson."
"What about Zapata?"
"Have you seen her with Reade? Watch her, she talks his ear off. He's learned when to tune her out but still look like he's paying attention. You did not hear that from me!"
"What about me?"
"Well, you're a special case. I am 99.9% sure if you remembered your life… before you would talk someone's ear off!"
Jane looked at him sceptically.
"I'm not saying it would be hair and make-up talk, it would probably guns and ammo in your case or fighting techniques…"
Jane gave him a bland stare.
"Thanks for the coffee!"
"I thought it was from you like the others!"
They looked at each other and as one said.
"Patterson!"
"She also brought us a chocolate muffin each." Declared Jane
"She's a godsend! By the way we will talk at some point; I don't want you to think I've forgotten!"
"Chance would be a fine thing!" muttered Jane
The talk happened late the next day. Kurt had given the whole division apart from his team an early finish. The team all trooped into his office. The first thing they noticed was the smell of pizza, they all zeroed in on the boxes on the small conference table as well as the various fizzy drinks and juices. There were snacks also on the table. They were a little surprised as they didn't realise it was an impromptu party.
"Before we eat, everyone take a seat." Kurt demanded
Zapata and Reade looked at each other, they knew something else was going but couldn't figure out what.
Kurt waited until they were all sitting on the seats he arranged into a circle. He gave each of them an envelope.
"It's long overdue to talk about what's happened not only within the last couple of days but in the last couple of months. Each of us will talk about events and our feelings…"
Zapata scoffed.
"…if you don't then you're off this team. If you don't believe me then open your envelope!"
They stared at him and then one by one they opened their envelopes. Patterson was the first.
"I'd be reassigned to tech support? In Alaska?" incredulity in Patterson's voice
"You'd move me to training newbies in Texas?" shock laced Reade's voice
"YOU'D TAKE ME OUT OF THE FIELD? IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE?" shouted Zapata
"Those transfer documents are real, I just have to sign them and they'll take effect immediately."
"What about Jane, nothing happens to her?" Zapata queried
"I'll no longer be an asset. I will have nothing to do with the FBI." Said a despondent Jane
"I'm not standing for this, I'm out of here." Declared Zapata
She took one step towards the door then they all heard a lock engage and the shutters for Kurt's office came down, they were locked in.
"We're not leaving until we have this sorted out. We have all weekend!"
They all sat there in silence. They all knew everything now. They were emailed the two initial reports on Jane when she returned. They all saw the photographic evidence of her scars and the read the report from Borden.
They sat in silence; no one willing to be the first, all the food and drink was ignored. They all knew Kurt was serious. They sat in the quiet, quietly contemplating their possible new lives for over an hour. Kurt really thought Patterson would start the ball rolling but she was sitting there sulking with her arms crossed. Tech support may seem harsh but he had to make it mind numbingly tedious for her.
"Well team leader, why don't you lead by example and share first and show us how it's done!" spewed Zapata
"Fine!"
Kurt sat up and faced Jane, everyone could clearly see everyone else the way the seats were arranged but Kurt turned a fraction to Jane who was to his right, Patterson to Jane's right, Zapata opposite him, better to see her coming towards him with the knife, he thought, and Reade to his left.
"Ever since you came into my life…I felt a connection to you. I couldn't explain it … but it was always there! Yes I wanted you to be Taylor, initially but then I just wanted you to be Jane. I kept on fighting my feelings for you but I couldn't any longer. I couldn't deny it any longer I fell in love with you…"
Jane looked up sharply when he said those words. Surprise was an understatement on her face. Her eyes teared up and a few escaped down her cheek.
"…I thought there may be a chance with you then you distanced yourself from me. Then I found out the truth. My dad murdered Taylor which meant you lied to me. That hurt. A lot. What was worse though was the fact I let my father back into my life, he spent time with Sarah, with Sawyer. I kept on seeing Sawyer's dead body in my apartment because my dad went nuts and lost it like he did with Taylor. So not only did I lose my nephew I lost Sarah as well. If anything happens to Sawyer we all know that Sarah wouldn't survive. All the way back to your place that's what I kept on seeing. Sawyer dead!"
Jane and Patterson were in tears, openly crying. Zapata was bravely trying to keep her tears at bay. Reade had a tear running down his cheek, he was very close to Sawyer and the thought of the young boy dying at his own grandfather's hands was too much for him.
"I was hurt and angry and I know now I shouldn't have arrested you. I should have at least listened to you but I kept on seeing Sawyer's body. The woman I loved had lied to me and I couldn't take it and I wanted to hurt you but not once did I ever expect that you would be tortured. I never wanted that. I'm so sorry that happened; there is nothing that I will ever be able to do that will ever make up for what you've suffered through my indifference. The way I've treated you since you've been back is appalling and what's worse is that as team leader I let the others treat you badly and did nothing to support your return…"
"I deserved everything, I betrayed you all…"
"This is my turn and you can have your say after. As team leader I let you and the team down. If that wasn't bad enough, things seemed to be getting a little better between us and the team…"
Kurt paused until everyone was nodding their head in agreement.
"…then I find you sleeping in my office, you then collapse and are hospitalized. You're released and didn't even contact us. So we head to your safe house to assume you've left because there is hardly anything there, only to find that you barely have any clothes, food or belongings. You don't use the utilities. You exercise for hours a day to punish yourself it seems. So I'm in love with a woman who doesn't seem to want to live and I know that I'm somewhat to blame for that but it's still hard to admit that I could have lost the one person who knows me better than I know myself!"
Kurt watched as throughout the confession Jane sat there letting the tears roll down her face until the end when she wiped them away with her hands. She opened and closed her mouth wanting to say something but couldn't get the words out.
"I felt guilty about David. I thought it was all my fault. I know I didn't help matters by taking photos home but still. When I found out about the arrest I couldn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it then I saw Weller. He was crushed, he tried to hide it but he couldn't. When we found the blood spatter marks, we knew something bad had happened but without the body we hoped that Mayfair had survived somehow. I was SO angry that you betrayed us. I didn't think for a moment that there was a reason behind it. I blamed you for David and Mayfair, unfairly. I'm ashamed that I froze you out when you came back and that I had bad thoughts about you. I couldn't believe that I wished acne on you!"
At everyone's perplexed looks Patterson had to explain.
"Well look at her, flawless skin, acne would have changed that…ok so it's a safe bet to assume that I was an acne covered geek in my younger days, not that you'll ever see any photographic evidence of it though!"
Strange as it seemed, Patterson's confession lightened the mood somewhat.
"I was being blackmailed. I have a gambling problem and Carter found out about it. He wanted me to spy on Jane…"
Everyone looked at her then.
"…I did consider it for about a minute. In the end I couldn't. I already typed up my letter of resignation to hand in but as I was going to give it to Mayfair she informed me that Carter was missing. I was so relieved. Carter took the wrong angle with me, if he threatened any of you, like Oscar did with Jane, I would have done anything to protect you, like Jane did for us. I know that must come as a surprise seeing as I've been the uber bitch since Jane has returned but I think some of it was the fact that it could have easily been me betraying you, don't get me wrong, I'm pissed you thought you had to protect us but I get it as well. If that wasn't bad enough then I was asked to look into Mayfair. I did reluctantly on the condition that if she was dirty then none of you would be guilty by association. We all have our price."
"I get it as well, when I was looking into Carter's whereabouts I was also threatened…"
"WHAT!? WHEN?" demanded Kurt
Reade looked at Kurt with sympathy.
"They threatened to hurt Sarah and Sawyer…"
Kurt leapt out of his chair to face Reade who suddenly had both Zapata and Jane in front of him. Kurt didn't even see Jane move. The loyalty that was being given wasn't lost on Kurt although he looked like he wanted to punch something.
"That's why you broke it off with her?" Kurt murmured
Reade nodded his head.
"I was willing to do anything to keep them safe, so I walked away. I get protecting those that you love. I told Mayfair a long time after it happened but she understood. She was great. I just wish we could have helped you Jane. I thought you trusted us. I'm lucky Sarah gave me another chance after Mayfair died, I met her by chance and we just clicked and the threat wasn't there anymore so…"
Everyone had their eyes on Jane now waiting for her to divulge her secrets. After a few minutes she began.
"I don't know if you know how scary it is to not know anything about yourself or anything. I didn't even know if I liked coffee or tea until Borden told me to try both. It's the simple things like what do I want on my pizza, what's my favourite colour etc. Then I met you…" Jane said looking at Kurt "…and I didn't feel alone anymore. There was something between us, I could feel it but could I trust it? Working together helped. It felt good to be part of something. The team saved me even when Reade voiced his concerns about me because of Weller's behaviour, it felt real, no one was placating me. Zapata's quick quips kept me on my toes. Patterson's sunshine attitude took some getting used to. I didn't know, not that I could remember, anyone could be permanently happy until I met her. You all saved me. I thought things were going well then Oscar happened. He had evidence of me … before and I just needed company. I wanted to be with someone else…" Jane paused looking at Kurt "… but that didn't happen … and Oscar was there. He told me things about my past, it didn't occur to me to not believe him. Then he wanted me to do stuff, I refused, you were my …family… but he said if I didn't then you'd die…" Jane said as she looked at Kurt "I couldn't let you die and all the tasks just seemed innocuous, by the time I realised what was happening, it was too late. I killed him. I don't regret it. He asked me to betray you and I did. When the CIA got a hold of me, I just knew I was getting what I deserved."
"Jane…" Kurt began
Jane shook her head.
"It's true I deserved everything they did. Then I was back here, I don't know how it happened but it did. I knew it wasn't going to be the same. I knew I wasn't going to be welcomed back with open arms so I threw myself into my training. I don't need to eat three meals a day, I can and have survived on less, and it's what I'm used to. I need to keep fit so if he comes back for me then I'll make it as hard for him as possible. All the other things are just stuff. What's the point of filling the space up if it could be taken away at any moment? I bought pain and suffering to all of you, I will never be able to take that back."
She wanted to tell Kurt she loved him but she couldn't get the words out.
"So who's up for pizza?" Zapata asked
Zapata, Reade and Patterson all got up and walked to the food and pretended to look at what was on the table while in fact they kept their eyes on Jane and Weller. The two of them just stared at each other. Kurt loved Jane's eyes as they were so expressive. He knew how she felt about him and he was sure the rest of the team knew as well. She was having trouble saying the words but with her actions spoke louder. From the moment she found out about his baby, he found baby stuff in his locker. There were cute onesies, stuffed toys and some articles that he may find interesting. It was always a surprise when he opened it. He remembered that he couldn't figure out who was placing the items in there until he looked at the surveillance footage and to his utter surprise he saw Jane putting said baby things in, even after the way he treated her. Neither knew for how long they looked at each other until each had a plate of pizza shoved in their face, well Jane had three. Weller automatically took his plate while Jane looked at all three, eventually she took one. All five sat and ate while contemplating everything that was said and if four observed the fifth struggling to eat half a slice nothing was said. Small steps were needed. Zapata didn't really like silence so she decided to do something about it.
"So boss, how do you feel about your baby sister going out with your second? Is there a shotgun in Reade's future?"
Reade choked on his drink and gave Tasha the stink eye.
"If he hurts her he'll never see me coming!"
"Hey, c'mon, everyone would love to have me as part of their family!"
Silence reigned. They all looked at Reade and he looked at them in return and replayed what he said and closed his eyes.
"So can we see the ring?" Patterson asked
"Have you asked big brother his permission yet?" Zapata asked "He seems like a traditional guy…"
"What about Sawyer? Have you talked to him yet?"
"Can we just forget this part happened? Please?"
"Hell no, I'm going to have a sister and nephew! I'm not letting this go. When are you going to propose?" demanded Zapata
Jane and Kurt looked at each other and smiled and Reade's discomfort.
"EXCUSE ME! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A SISTER AND NEPHEW! BOTH OF US NOT JUST YOU!" Patterson said
Reade looked at Jane and Kurt for help but they just smiled at him.
"So what happens now?" Jane asked
"Well you have a choice; clothes shopping with me and house stuff with those two…" Kurt said as he pointed to the other female members of the team "or vice versa!"
Jane had a look of horror on her face. She could tell Kurt was serious but the choice was like asking how you wanted to die, drowned or shot. Clothes shopping with Kurt could be embarrassing but at least it would be efficient on the other hand shopping with the girls would be traumatizing in the best possible way, with Kurt it would take a couple of hours tops, but with them a couple of days seems like a conservative estimate. She really didn't like the look on their faces, they already had it planned in their heads which shops they would drag her to. She looked to Reade for help. He held his hands up in surrender.
"No way! This is your own fault. You brought this on yourself! All you had to do was spend the money that you earn on yourself but no, you wanted to have only three outfits. If you were looking for suits then I could take you to my guy but I don't think it's really you!"
Jane sighed dejectedly and looked at Kurt.
"Clothes shopping with you please."
Kurt had a massive smile on his face, he was 90% sure this would be her choice.
"Yes, we get to decorate your place! I saw his really nice fluorescent pink bedding set with matching curtains! We can liven up the living room with a fake dead tiger rug thing…" Zapata was having too much fun at Jane's expense
Jane looked horrified at the prospect of her newly decorated place. Her look made everyone laugh.
"One other thing, you will always be welcome to sleep here but I would prefer it if you …when you need to be out of your place…if you stayed at my place. You can have my room and I'll take the couch…"
"No, I can't let you do that!"
"I want to! Please promise me. If you don't then every time that you're here I'll come and sleep here as well…"
"Me too!" declared Patterson
"And me." Reade added
"What the hell, count me in!" Zapata said
"Ok." whispered Jane "Thank you!"
"You can come back to my place tonight!"
Jane was going to disagree but the look on Kurt's face warned her not to. They all went back to their own places apart from Jane who went with Kurt. Sarah and Sawyer were already asleep. Kurt gave Jane some clothes to sleep in while he changed in the bathroom and got comfortable on the couch.
Sometime in the early morning Jane woke up and went to get a drink, Kurt must have left a light on for her just in case. She walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water and turned around and saw Kurt on the couch, he looked so peaceful when he slept, it was the fact that Sawyer was with him on the sofa, fast asleep that made Jane's heart melt. Just then as if he could sense being watched, Kurt opened his eyes and spotted Jane opposite him, he looked down and mouthed 'nightmare' to her and she nodded in understanding and lifted her hand to indicate that she was going back to bed. She really wanted to take a photo of the two Weller's sleeping on the couch. He would be a great dad she thought; in fact he was a great dad to his nephew she corrected.
Shopping was better than she expected. Sarah had helped Kurt with a list of stuff that she thought Jane would need and the place to get everything.
"I don't care if you want everything in black but you will be buying in quantity ok?"
Jane nodded reluctantly. He helped her get jeans, sweatpants, trousers, shorts, long sleeved tops, sweaters, vests, socks and a few pairs of sneakers and boots as well as winter gear like gloves, scarves etc. It was relatively painless; she did stick to dark colours not just black. Kurt paid for everything and wouldn't let her try and use her card at all.
Then came the underwear shopping, Kurt left her in the lingerie section of the store. He left her there and went for a walk only to come back five minutes later to find her in the same spot where he left her.
"What's wrong?" Kurt asked
"Why are there so many?"
"I don't know!"
Jane turned to leave.
"I have enough, thanks!"
"Jane you have three sports bras and three pairs of panties, even I know that's not enough. C'mon I'll help!"
He took her hand and she gripped it like a vice. He never knew shopping for underwear would terrify her, she was badass but this spooked her, go figure. He took her to the section where you could buy them in packs of five. She just stood there looking; she didn't move to take any of them.
"Ok, what style do you want? High leg, full briefs, shorts, thongs…?"
"What are the differences?"
"Well, full briefs tend to be for those of a certain age… thongs…"
"Why would anyone where those? There's hardly anything to them, they can't be comfortable! Do guys where them?"
Kurt jerked back in surprise.
"I really don't want to know if guys where thongs or not…" Kurt shuddered at the thought
"What do you wear?"
"I'm a boxer's guy."
"So not a thong guy?"
"Definitely not!"
"Um the shorts I guess?"
"You can get a few of each if you want?"
Jane shook her head.
"Ok, any specific colours?"
"Any."
So they picked out a few packs. Then they moved onto bras.
"How come these don't come in packs of five?" Jane asked
"No idea. What would you like?"
"Just some more sports bras please."
They went to the correct area and filled up their trolley with black and white sports bras.
"What about a few for 'special occasions'?" asked a red faced Kurt
Jane looked at him with a perplexed look.
"What special occasions? Do I need different bras?"
"Well some women have different under garments for different outfits…"
"Why?"
"I don't know! Generally if they want to feel special or surprise their special someone…"
Jane opened her eyes wide and she could feel the blush on her face, the only saving grace was the fact that Kurt also was a bit pink.
"We haven't even gone on a date yet!"
"Jane we have plenty of time before we take that step and you'll never have to wear anything just to please me ok? Just be yourself!"
He kissed her temple they hadn't talked about their personal relationship but it seemed as if they were both on the same page.
"What about sleepwear?" Kurt asked
Kurt followed Jane's eyes to the sexy lingerie and smiled at her less than confident look.
"Um wasn't Patterson complaining that I only used a sheet to cover with while I slept? I'm pretty sure they would be worse than a sheet, plus they'd ride up wouldn't they?"
Kurt decided to ignore that remark and steered Jane towards the pyjamas where he insisted on half a dozen pairs much to Jane's astonishment.
"Hey, sometimes you just want to spend all day in your pyjamas!"
At her dubious look he reassured her.
They paid for all the items and returned back to her place. She was shocked by what she saw; her safe house was a home now. There was a vibrant green throw on the sofa, a coffee table with a variety of sizes of sketchbooks with pencils by the side. The kitchen was stocked with crackers, tea, coffee, cheese, milk a lot of canned goods as well as frozen items. In the bedroom the bedding wasn't bright pink much to Jane's relief, it was a tasteful set with muted colours. She was glad that the team knew her tastes. There was a dresser in one corner and her mattress was replaced by a nice wooden bed frame that looked very sturdy.
They all had take-out and spent the rest of the day there. Kurt spent the night on the sofa even though Jane told him it wasn't necessary. Things were improving and were getting back to how they used to be. Every so often there would be a random cake, pastry or other treat on her desk from a member of the team. Things were also progressing with Kurt although at a very slow pace but it was also nice. At the office they were professional apart from the lingering looks. Outside the office they would walk close together, he would kiss her on the cheek or the temple. It took her a couple of weeks to decipher the meaning of each one. A kiss on the cheek was his way of saying 'morning', 'hi' or 'bye', the one to the forehead was his way of saying 'I love you'. Whichever one he gave her she was always grateful. She knew he was taking it slowly because of her. She did take him up on his offer to stay at his place several times. After a particular gruelling case they were both so tired that they each crashed as soon as their heads hit their respective pillows, hers on Kurt's in his bedroom and his on the couch, neither had the energy to even change into anything else.
Kurt was woken up by noises coming from his room. He rushed up to see Jane struggling against the covers; she was in the throes of a nightmare. He gingerly walked up to her and lightly touched her shoulder then the next thing he knew everything went black.
"Kurt? Kurt? Are you ok? I'm so sorry!" Jane kept on repeating the same thing again and again.
Sarah and Sawyer woke up with all the noise and came to see what was happening. They saw Kurt on the floor on the flat of his back and Jane crying by his side.
"What happened?" Sarah asked
"Is Uncle Kurt dead?" Sawyer asked
"No I'm not!" stirred Kurt
Before he could even get up he was covered with Jane sobbing into his shirt. It took him and Sarah five minutes to calm her down enough so he could move. He sat up against the bed and looked at Sawyer.
"Let that be a lesson to you, this is why you don't wake someone up when they're in the middle of a nightmare, you never know what's going to happen!"
"You wake me up." Sawyer declared
"I know you'll never give me a black eye!"
"I'm so sorry Weller." Jane said
She still had tears running down her cheeks.
"Hey, it's ok. I knew better than to touch you when you're having a nightmare. Come here!"
He pulled her to his side and she wept into his shirt until she tired herself out and fell asleep against him. Sarah and Sawyer went back to bed and Kurt settled himself on the floor, he didn't want to wake Jane up and she needed the rest. He woke up a few hours later to find Jane looking up at him.
"Morning."
"Morning. Kurt I'm so sorry for last night…"
"Jane you don't need to apologise but I think it would be good if you saw Borden this morning."
Jane nodded.
Kurt walked her to Borden's office and surreptitiously looked around before placing a kiss on her temple. The door opened and they stood standing still in the embrace. Kurt was about to leave when Borden asked him to take part in the session. He looked to Jane to see if it was alright with her and she smiled her answer.
They explained what happened the night before.
"So, can you tell me your usual routine when you stay at Agent Weller's residence?"
"Well, Weller drives us to his place; usually we're tired so we go to sleep. Weller gives me a shirt to sleep in as well as his bed even though he'd be more comfortable in the bed. He takes his pyjamas and sleeps on the couch."
"Anything else?"
"Sometimes he or his sister may cook. That's if we finish early. On the rare occasions that happens, I may play computer games with Sawyer if he's finished his homework. Then after dinner we may play a board game or watch TV. I make sure we don't watch for too long though as we'd be sitting on Weller's bed."
"So did you deviate from this last night?"
"Um…" Jane looked at Weller "…well I think we were both so tired that we both crashed. I didn't even get under the covers. I fell on top of the bed and asleep within seconds."
"I did the same on the couch. I still had my shoes on!" added Kurt
"Do you both have a go bag?"
"Of course." Said Kurt
"Yes." Replied Jane
"Where do you keep your go bag?"
"In Weller's car!"
"Why do you prefer to wear Agent Weller's shirt to sleep in if you have your go bag with you?"
"I…I don't know."
"Hmmm."
"What is that supposed to mean?" demanded Kurt
"I believe Miss Doe feels safe with you and when she is wearing one of your shirts she feels that safety still even though you are not there. She associates your scent with her wellbeing and knows she can relax as you will not let anything happen to her. Last night this was not the case so Miss Doe felt anxious and not as safe as she usually does at your residence."
Jane turned bright red, Kurt thought it was endearing.
"So I have to make sure she always sleeps in my shirts?" asked a sceptical Kurt
"I suggest that if Miss Doe is in the throes of another nightmare that you place an item of your clothing, ideally something that has not been washed, by her and maybe a drop or spray or two of your aftershave or deodorant."
Borden was met with two sets of raised eyebrows.
"The sense of smell is one of the strongest. A scent can be so evocative and can take you back to an early memory, a treasured memory. Obviously, your scent Agent Weller is soothing to Miss Doe."
They took the doctor's advice. They sometimes spent the night at Jane's place, where again Kurt would insist on taking the sofa. He woke up to familiar noises and without thinking ran up the stairs with his discarded shirt. The covers were half on the floor, Jane was twisting and turning. He stealthily walked to the bed on the other side and moved the second pillow a little so it was perpendicular to the one Jane was using, he turned towards the dresser and picked up the same deodorant that he uses and sprayed once above Jane, he then took a bottle of his aftershave and put a few drops on the shirt, he placed his shirt on the pillow. Jane now had a set of his aftershave and deodorant at her place and in her go bag; they bought it at Kurt's insistence the same day Borden mentioned it. Kurt also kept some shirts in Jane's go bag just so his scent can mix with her clothes and at her place so if she ever needed to sleep in his shirts she always had some. He watched and waited, Jane seemed to calm down and wasn't moving as much, she turned to the pillow with his shirt on it and buried her face in it and hugged it to her and settled in her sleep. He went down stairs and picked up his duvet and carried back upstairs and moved the chair so it was closer to the bed, he sat down and stretched his legs on the bed and fell asleep while protecting Jane.