Elliot pulled the chair from the window up next to the bed, trying to be quiet and not disturb the nurse who was working with Olivia. She smiled at him and continued what she was doing as he settled on the opposite side of the bed. He watched as she pushed some kind of medication through her IV and hooked her up to a bag hanging over her before taking her vitals. She didn't seem too alarmed by the readings which gave him comfort she was doing okay for the moment. He had never seen her like this before. She seemed fragile and vulnerable, something he wasn't use to. All he had ever seen was the badass, fearless, unstoppable cop that never let her guard down but for a very few moments they shared throughout their partnership.

What about me?

I'm sorry. It was just too complicated.

I'm so glad you're back.

You're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man.

Not if I gave you mine first.

"Um sir?" The nurse said, trying to get Elliot's attention for the second time.

"Yes, sorry. Did you say something?"

"Are you the boyfriend? I know they said you'd probably be stopping in and maybe bringing her son by."

Boyfriend…son….? He knew he probably startled the nurse by the look on his face by her reaction. She probably wondered who the hell he was and how he didn't know anything about the woman lying in front of them.

"Um, no I'm just an old friend. I use to be her partner and I just came by to see how she's doing."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Well we just took the tube out that was helping her breathe. She seems to be doing okay but if you notice she has any discomfort or trouble breathing just hit that red button over here. I also gave her something for pain so she should rest comfortably for a while."

"Okay thank you. I will do that."

A boyfriend? A son? Wow. He wasn't surprised Cragen had left those details out, but it would have been nice to know had the man decided to make an appearance while he was here. But maybe it was someone he knew. I guess he wasn't good enough to earn that information. But in all honesty he didn't deserve to know what was going on in her life. He left her. He ignored her. Yes he had called around and checked in to see how she was randomly, but he didn't even have the balls to talk to her himself. He knew she had been promoted and was now running SVU. He had thought about going to see her a few times but didn't want to cause a scene at work.

He wasn't sure where to start or even what to say really. He had imagined a thousand times what he'd say if he ever had to work with Olivia again or if he had ran into her randomly. But now that he was here and considering the circumstance, he just wasn't sure what to say. What if she could hear him though? This was the time to apologize and make things right.

He sat there for a while, but it didn't seem like it to him. He missed her so much it hurt and even though she wasn't awake to speak to him, just being near her gave him comfort. He shouldn't feel like that, but he guessed that's what happens when you've spent a decade with a person who had saved your life on numerous occasions. Who was he kidding though? It was more than that and he knew it. Hell his ex-wife was able to admit it years before he was. Olivia Benson had saved his life more times than just on the job.

"Hey Liv, it's me Elliot. I know you're probably surprised I'm even here but I had to come see you. Cragen called me and told me what happened. How could you go in without a vest in the first place… You know better than that."

He took her hand, hoping to make her feel like she wasn't alone. He wanted her to know how he felt, but he didn't even know what his feelings were exactly. He always hoped one day they would be able to figure it out. He knew that was probably a small chance, but it was all that kept him going some days. He would remember moments of their partnership and wonder why he ever left. He always thought she deserved more than a divorced man with five kids. She deserved a man who could give her things that maybe he couldn't.

"I know you're with someone and have a baby of our own now. I'm so proud of you for taking Cragen's place at SVU and running that place like you always have. I feel like you're living the life you always wanted and dreamed about. It makes me so happy to know you're a mom because I know you wanted that more than anything. That child is so lucky to have you, and so is his dad."

"Listen Liv, I know you probably can't hear me. But I just had to come see you and say the things I should have said 5 years ago when I left. It wasn't right of me to leave the way I did. When I think back now, it just comes back in flashes and blurs. When I left I didn't just lose you but I also lost a part of myself. How cliché does that sound? But the truth was I loved you and I think that I was just scared to admit it. So instead, I left. But do you know how hard it was for me to let you go? To wonder if she was the one and to know I fucked it all up? But I did it because I wanted you to be happy, even if it wasn't with me."

Elliot looked down at his hand wrapped around hers, trying his best to not let the tears fall from his eyes. He didn't deserve to be upset, and frankly he didn't even deserve to be friends or anything more with Olivia Benson ever again. Never had he felt more selfish than he didn't right now.

"I think I kept convincing myself I would eventually call you or come see you but it just got to the point where I felt like it would be more of a bother to you. I know you love your job but Liv it's not worth losing your life over. I experienced that first hand and it almost killed me. I just wanted to let you know how much I miss you. I think about you every day and wonder about you. You've done so well these last 5 years and I have to wonder if it's better that I'm not around. Olivia Benson, you have to fight now for this life you have. You have a family and a career waiting on you to pull through this. I hope one day we can see each other and things be okay, but until then just know I will always be here for you."

Elliot sat back in his chair, staring at the lifeless body that laid in the bed. He couldn't help but to think this was all a dream, or a nightmare, that he was about to wake up from. Just a few hours ago he was sitting at home with his son and enjoying his Saturday. He wanted her to be okay and he would do anything in his power to help her. He just didn't know if that would even be possible.

After sitting with her in silence for a while, he finally got up to leave. He bent over and grabbed her hand one last time, taking a moment to pray for her. He knew she wasn't religious, but it made him feel better that a higher power was looking over her. He kissed her hand and went to stand up when he felt her hand twitch just a little. He thought maybe he was crazy until she began to stir and moan a little bit. He sat back down quickly, hoping that it would happen again. He stared at her hand for so long that he didn't even notice her eyes begin to open until he heard her voice.

The one he longed to hear for five years.

"El?" Olivia choked, trying to talk.

"Liv…. Hi." Elliot smiled through his blurry eyes.

"Help. It hurts. I can't…."

He suddenly became scared as pain shot across her and her face turned blue as she struggled to breathe. He quickly ran to the door, screaming for anyone to come in and help. He was pushed out of the way as people came in and began to push on her chest. He watched as her body became lifeless again on the bed in front of him. He heard someone yell something to him but nothing even registered in his mind, and he didn't even fight when someone pulled him out into the hallway. He stood there outside her door until they came rushing out of the room with her and back down the hallway toward the elevators.

"Olivia…."