Hello! Sorry for not updating sooner but life just got in the way with hospital visits for grandmother, doggy getting sick, and myself falling ill and barely getting better. Hopefully you all like this chapter. Thank you so much for reading.
She goes looking for him once the celebration dies down and the auditorium has emptied out. She's not surprised when she finds him sitting in the one of the seats of the auditorium staring at the stage, seeming to be longing to be up there once again. Her soft footsteps seem to inform him of her presence and he turns slightly with a small chuckle as she makes her way to the seat in the row behind him, wrapping her arms around him.
"It was another cutthroat Sectionals," he starts and she can't help but laugh a bit. "You know, I forgot the way it smells in here. All that life-or-death teen adrenaline, all that drama. Feels like a million years ago," he says with a sigh.
"Miss it that much, huh?" she asks caressing his hair. He laughs at that and leans more into her embrace.
"Oh, God, yes. Give me a medley or a mash-up or a Broadway tribute, anything to get me back up on that stage with my friends, singing and dancing for my life," he says, taking a deep breath. "God, I loved it so much," he admits.
She kisses his cheek softly and can't help but bring up what had been bugging her since it happened.
"You spoke very nicely," she whispers in his ear and he kisses her arm before beginning to talk.
"I meant it," he admits. "I lost the best thing that could have happened to me by putting a fourth national title first," looking sadly at the stage. "I lost you, I hurt you and that's something I will never forget or forgive myself for."
"Is that why the song affected you so much?" she asks, giving him a small squeeze.
"I… I hadn't heard that song since then. Anytime that or Bohemian came up... it hurt too much," he admits softly. "Every time it would come up I would just see the hurt on your face as you watched me sing those songs," he says closing his eyes and shaking his head, trying to hide the tears threatening to come out.
She knows him well enough to know what he's feeling, what he's trying to hide, that she simply places a kiss on his cheek and his temple.
"I forgave you a long time ago, Jesse," she whispers.
"I know, but I haven't forgiven myself yet and I don't think I ever will."
She takes a moment to think. What would it have been like to be in his position? To be pressured into hurting the person you cared about and watch them be happy with another. How would she be able to forgive herself and forget that it was by her own doing that she did not have that person?
"One day…" she starts. "One day you will forgive and forget. It may take you some time, but one day you'll realize that there's no use in holding on to it anymore, that you're happy and I'm happy and what you did, what we did doesn't matter anymore," she tells him and she feels as a weight seems to lift off her boyfriend's shoulders.
"Thank you," he says softly after gently kissing her arm. "I know you're probably right but I might need you to keep reminding me until I finally do forgive and forget."
"I promise I will, even if it takes me saying it to you every single day until you do," she vows.
They sit in peaceful silence for what feels like an eternity, neither one of them seeming to want to move or break the spell. The first one to do so is Jesse, who gently turns his head to place a soft kiss to her cheek before gently removing her arms from his shoulders and standing up with a smirk on his face.
"Well, this talk was good and all but you know what? Right now we got bigger fish to fry now, Berry. You, me, the footlights of Broadway," he lists off, causing her to giggle, which makes his heart swell a bit. "I know we hadn't exactly talked about living arrangements when we both get to New York but I, um, I wanted to know if you'd possibly be interested in coming to live with me?" he asks nervously.
He watches as none of the apprehension he expected shows on her face. Instead one of the happiest expressions appears on her face and he barely has enough time to react before she launches herself into his arms.
"Oh my god Jess, I'd love to," she says hugging him tightly. He hugs her back tightly.
"Really?" he asks not really believing his luck as she lets go.
"I…I know it might seem too soon but," she takes a deep breath, "if there's something life has shown me it's that I can't take anything for granted," she tells him. She places a hand on his cheek. "And I would love nothing more than to live with you," she admits and a smile grows on his face as he leans in to hug her again.
"Have you decided what you're going to choose?" he asks finally addressing the topic that they had been dancing around all week. He feels her take a deep breath before pulling back to look at his face.
"I have, and I'm going to turn down the part," she admits and she sees a bit of sadness in his eyes that he is quick to cover. "Instead I'm going to go back to NYADA. I think that I was afraid that going back to college would be a step backwards, but," she takes a deep breath, closing her eyes and nodding before opening her eyes and looking into his, "I think it's a step in the right direction."
"Hmm," he says while looking into her eyes.
"So… don't be mad. You're mad," she points out while looking at him. He just chuckles a bit and smiles.
"No. I'm not mad. Sad that I won't be spending every night onstage with my talented girlfriend, absolutely, but I'm proud of you," he admits, taking her hands away from his neck and holding them in his. "You went with your gut. You didn't take the easy road back to Broadway," he kisses her hands. "And you know what I think? NYADA better watch out, cause the Berry is back," he says as she chuckles softly. He walks up to her row and she hugs him again.
"Thank you so much for understanding," she says as she pulls away.
"That's what boyfriends do right?" he asks kissing her. "What made you make up your mind?"
"A few things, actually. But I'm not sure how you'll feel about the main one," she admits sitting down.
"I'm sure I'll understand whatever it is," he assures her, sitting down next to her.
"The main reason I turned down the part… was you," she says.
"Okay, now I'm definitely not understanding," he says confused, trying not to jump to conclusions.
"It's nothing bad I promise," she assures him seeing the ideas going through his mind. "The reason I turned down the part is that I want this to be about you."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that I want this show to be about you. This is your big break, the first time the Broadway world is going to know about you and see how amazingly talented you are. If I was in the production everyone would focus on the fact that the girl who threw away her shot in Funny Girl has for some strange reason gotten another role on Broadway. I just don't want all my baggage to ruin your moment," she explains and she sees the look of awe and disbelief on his face.
"So you're passing up an opportunity to be back on Broadway so that your egotistical boyfriend can have the spotlight all to himself?" he asks amusement in his voice and she can't help but giggle.
"Well when you put it that way it sounds like I'm doing the world a major disservice, the last thing it needs is for Jesse St. James's ego to get any bigger!" she jokes.
"Thank you," he whispers, with sudden seriousness. "I know for either one of us to do anything like this is a big deal. But I need you to know that you don't have to do that for me. I want you to be happy Rachel, that's all I've wanted since you gave me another chance and I need you to promise me that this is really what you want. What would really make you happy, because if taking that role is what would make you happy, I wouldn't care about not having the spotlight, I wouldn't even mind leaving the role, as long as you were happy. Are you absolutely sure about this?" he asks with desperation in his tone.
That tone, the look on his face of pure love and devotion, the fact that he is willing to give up the one thing they have both struggled their lives to obtain in order to make her happy is what gives her the strength to voice the words that she is pretty sure they both knew she has felt for a while now.
"I love you, Jesse."
"W…what?" he stutters out in shock and not believing he truly heard what he did.
"I. Love. You," she repeats slower and with more emphasis on each word. "I love you and because I love you I want you to be happy. I want you to be in a starring role on Broadway, to show everyone how amazingly talented you are and that all the hard work you have done has been worth it. One day we'll share the spotlight together, without a doubt but before we can I want you to do. To have your moment to shi…"
His mouth is suddenly on hers and she completely forgets her train of thought. This kiss is different and she's sure he can feel it as well. They're both equals now.
They both finally love each other.