Jimmy And Squidward season 1 episode 2 "Fuck You, Krabs"
Jim monologue: this part of the story is really where Mr. Krabs tried to come around again. He was losing and that's something he didn't want. That's the kind of person he was and that's what made him toxic. near the end of the Krusty Krabs run. He was losing for the first time in a while. He couldn't stand it and really, my friends, I want you to take some good out of this. Like a sports team, you're gonna be lose. When you're on a win streak you're gonna lose, but when you lose don't do what Krabs did. Just try your best to win again, rather than bitch about it.
(Squidward and Jim At the basement of jims parents)
Jim: well squid, we did it. and you and I are about to have the best fucking restaurant in the sea
Squidward: man, everything is just going so our way.
Jim: what should we name our place?
Squidward: hmmm. How about Jazz Hands
Jim: nah, that's too known. It's gotta be something that hasn't been heard before. Something with grit
Squidward: how about jazz?
Jim: jazz could start off the name of the place.
Squidward: how about Jazztel?
Jim: that's it. We've got ourselves a name.
Squidward: it's happening, buddy.
Jim: 1996 is the year of us, man.
Squidward: it's the year of Jazztel
Jim: oh you've got that right
Squidward: Colleen told us to meet her by location at 3
Jim: did she tell you the location?
Squidward: yeah, we talked last night. It's in this new hipster part of Bikini Bottom. It's got a Whole Foods, a rip off Starbucks and all of that shit
Jim: cool. Let's go
Squidward: wait a sec, we've got an hour down to smoke a bowl and play a game of NBA jam?
Jim: hell yeah. I call the bulls
Squidward: you better not abuse Jordan
Jim: you know I will
Squidward: fine, I'll beat you with Karl Malone
Jim: oh alright. Let's see how this turns out
(At location with Colleen)
Colleen: okay, you boys better be ready for the next few months. I hired the guys that will make this place happen. I just need you to give me a layout. Stay here while I talk to the electrician (walks away)
Jim: Squidward, just look at this up and coming part of town. This is the hipster part of bikini bottom. And pretty soon you and I will run this place. And someday jazztel will be in every hipster part of every fucking town. And by then, people will consider you a legend in the world of jazz.
Squidward: jazztel will do well. But the pinnacle of my music career was right before I dropped out of Juilliard.
Jim: fuck squilliam
Squidward: that's it
Jim: what's it?
Squidward: we're gonna name that dish fuuk Squilám
Jim: so we're shit canning the name king of carrot pasta?
Squidward: yes, that was a stupid name anyways. We want people to taste the carrots and pasta. Not read it and think they taste it. And plus, it sounds hipster pretentious and it's an homage to the worst fucking piece of shit dick face that ever lived
Jim: and one day he'll eat it, love it and choke
Squidward: but we'll save him
Jim: yeah cuz we're not dicks
Colleen: (returns) okay, I'm really being your shoulders right now. I've got everything planned you just have to tell the contractors what you want the eatery to look like. Just brainstorm it and give me a ring at about 8. Just remember this place is gonna be fucking amazing.
Squid: ight see ya
(Mr. Krabs and plankton at a pizza place talking)
Krabs: plankton, I hear the boys are getting in on the deal.
Plankton: what fucking deal?
Krabs; im saying, they've got a fucking location
Plankton: what where the fuck is it?
Krabs: remember that place where we used to smoke weed and get drunk in high school?
Plankton: oh yeah. Ahh, the campsite. I miss those days
Krabs: the hipsters came and turned it into some place with those fucking coffee shops and shit like that. That's were the boys are opening up their restaurant
Plankton: aw man. Well I guess it's time to stop them
Krabs: ahh the ol' camp site
Plankton: do you remember when you ate out your prom date in the backseat of your car at the campsite?
Krabs: ahhh I'll never forget that. Do you remember losing your virginity deep in the woods at the campsite
Plankton: I still masturbate to that experience everyday
Krabs: we had some good ass times back in the 70s and 80s
Plankton: is go back just for a day. Just to see all of the faces
Krabs: me too. We wished away too many of those days.
Plankton: way too many. I remember getting high in school just to make the day faster
Krabs: haha
Plankton: where did it all go wrong?
Krabs: it went wrong for me about 2 years ago. The fall of the Krab.
Plankton: it went wrong after you fucked me
Krabs: you gave me a good reason, Sheldon
Plankton: I was jealous, okay. You had it all. I could've been your partner. I know but that wasn't me. It wasn't me. I fucked up. I'll take all of the blame
Krabs: you better.
Plankton: you can't deny the good times though
Krabs: you were my best friend, Sheldon. When I lost you the krusty Krab was my best friend.
Plankton: let's create a new best friend.
Krabs: we go down to that location tomorrow and talk to the boys. We'll go from there.
Plankton: you've got it Krabs.
Jim monologue: Krabs and plankton have an interesting history. They were inseparable at one point. Best friends through it all. After high school, krabs decided to Start a business and plankton went to college. (He was a genius by the way). Krabs came up with the secret recipe and shorty after that, people who tried it were hooked. But plankton got jealous after his plans of becoming a doctor failed. One day, he came in the secret recipe on the day Krabs was presenting his recipe to one of the top chefs under the sea. Krabs caught him and it caused a huge fight. Krabs then fucked him by ruining his slight chances at living his dream. The plankton opened up the chum bucket and has been on a down hill slope since.
(Plankton going back to the chum bucket)
Karen: hey Sheldon. How was your outing with Eugene?
Plankton: hi. It was actually great. We reminisced on old times and had some good pizza.
Karen: so are your plans of fucking Krabs thought of yet
Plankton: nope. And ya know what, I'm not going to fuck him
Karen; why?
Plankton: today I was reminded how close we used to be. I need that. I need another human to connect with
Karen: I'm not enough?
Plankton: I fucking created you
Karen: well, if you want. Do it, you're better off teaming up with him any how
(Jim and Squidward at the unfinished restaurant telling the people how they want it)
Jim:I want this place to be approachable as fuck.
Carpenter: well that's always the plan
Squidward: red on both sides of the wall and gold on the side the kitchen is
Jim: I want the layout to sorta be like a nicer diner
Squidward: and the rest...
Jim: the rest
Contractor: ?
Squidward: just wing it
Jim: yeah. You've got the layout. Squidward will write down wait the paintings should be. And leave some space for a stage
Contractor: Alright. Just write that down
Jim: sick
(Krabs and Squidward outside drinking cappuccinos)
Krabs: so this is what they're drinking now a days. My mid 30s are too fucking close, man
Plankton: hey, it ain't half bad. It's just ridiculous that these white hipsters are getting rich off of Italian creations. It was fine when it was pasta but now this shit. Damn
Krabs: look (power points to Jim and Squidward)
Plankton: let's talk to them
(They run to them)
Krabs: hey you guys. You ever have these uhhh cappuccinos?
Jim: what do you want Krabs?
Squidward: are you here to pay us back for all of that we did?
Krabs: you fuckers had a salary, don't give me that
Plankton: we're here to talk
Jim: something doesn't look right here
Squidward: Eugene and plankton hanging out
Jim: are you planning on fucking us?
Krabs: dammit no
Plankton: we want to work for you guys
Krabs: we see the potential success in this but you guys are inexperienced you need our guidance
Jim: you opened up the krusty Krabs with no guidance
Krabs: well you and I are...different. You're one of those millennials ya know?
Jim: here something wanted to say to you since 1993. Fuck you, Krabs. I don't look up to money hungry cunts no longer. I don't. You were once a man of passion now you're just a greedy piece of shit. A piece of shit with whom I now look back on not so fondly. If you want to change, change. But for now let Squidward and I handle our own shit. Sincerely yours, the new honcho's of the bikini bottom food scene.
(Krabs with a very odd face and plankton shook as well)
Jim monologue: well, that was a moment I would've never expected when I was 17. But it happened and it was Necessary. Krabs and plankton tried to use us and I know that for a fact. This point of our lives we weren't the wisest, we didn't make the decisions we should've made in life. But instead of being fuck ups, we became what Krabs tried to become. Something he was for a brief time but something his ego couldn't handle. And you know what? I couldn't be happier about it. As an impressionable teen, Krabs didn't get to me and for someone that young, that's a damn good thing. Anyways, we had one great dish, but we needed more so Squidward and I worked on more recipes and his grandma gave us permission to use them.
(Exterior: Squidwards grandmas house, Jim, Squidward and grandma tentacles)
Grandma: Squidward: your grandfather and I used to love making these dishes. I have a hard time cooking them since his passing. I wish he was still alive to see this day.
Squidward: yeah that was a tragedy
Jim: we'll open one up in heaven.
Squidward: thank you for letting us use these recipes.
Grandma: oh, after that fuuk Squilám I'll do anything. Neptune, that was delicious.
Jim: oh yeah we nailed that one
Squidward: well, we hope to be open in march or April. Right now I'm working on the music but Jim and I will be trying more stuff out
Grandma: you boys will do great, I just now it.
Jim: thank you
Squidward: Alright grandma. We have to go now. I love you
Grandma: I love you too squidy.
Jim: bye, thanks again
Jim monologue: at this point, we seemed to have everything in our control. That $10,000 was a miracle but the thought of having that debt sickens us. We didn't think about it, we were worry free kids who were taking a risk. But when you know you know. And Neptune, we knew. And those recipes grandma gave us were great. We just knew it would be loved by all fish. Just thinking about this time gives me goosebumps.