Chapter 4
It's been a busy week. The last day of classes before summer break, the farewell party for Hanna and Caleb, and a doctor's appointment the first actual one with Emily. I didn't want any of the girls to feel obligated before to go with me but now I don't have a choice. Emily has practically moved in since everything came out about Lucas. I don't mind, it keeps me from being lonely and most of all it keeps me close to the one person I feel like always has my back. Things have been strangely calm but more than anything I've been happy. Emily and I have become a little family. I cook breakfast, she packs or buys lunch & we have pizza night once a week for dinner because we love pizza. A lot of sitting at the dinner table talking about parenting styles. She goes for her morning runs, I sing in the shower. She likes cool ranch, I like spicy doritos. She listens to rap music, I listen to country. It's different to love someone and live with them. We've known each other since we were teenagers but within those years we've all changed. There were years when I was missing, and afterwards I didn't know how to be myself without fear so I barely let people in. But Em has always been that person who knew me. Who seen the best part of me but loved me even at my worst. Tonight just so happens to be pizza night. I bought Emily her favorite beer, although she is a cocktail girl. We're watching a black and white movie and have a pizza with so many toppings we have to eat it with a fork. I'm grabbing two beer for her and a water for me when there's a knock on the door. Em calls out from the bedroom "Can you get that?" Of course I can but I thought tonight was our night. It's Aria with a huge box.
"Hi. So I was just on my way home and I told Em I'd drop this off." I went to open the box and Aria closed it quickly. "Nope it's for Em's eyes only. For now at least." Emily walks out of the bedroom and greets Aria.
"Thanks Aria." She shoots me a glance but doesn't say anything but I can tell she's hoping I comply with them keeping a secret from me. Aria says her goodbyes, we tell her to tell Ezra hello, and Em and I are left standing by the front door. I cross my arms and before I could even get a comment out she stopped me. "Hey listen Aria and I worked really hard on this and I want you to get it when it's ready. So please don't ruin it for any of us." I can tell she is being sincere so of course I'm fine with it even if I want to know what's the box. She walks the box towards the baby's room and after we settle in to enjoy our night. The pizza is amazing I eat three slices, but I think Emily got full off the beer so she didn't much but she clearly is feeling a buzz. The movie goes off and she turns on some music. Some song by MØ is the first song that comes on. She gets up and begins to dance. She's wearing her usual, short shorts and a Rosewood High t-shirt. I watch her shorts ride up her thighs and I'm a little flustered. She's beautiful. Her skin, her body, her smile, her hair, everything. Emily is perfection. The way she sways. She catches me staring at her and she grabs my hand to help me off the couch.
As soon as I stand the song changes. Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton comes on. I didn't expect this to be in her music. But I also remember being on her front porch and us dancing to this song one summer night. I'm brought back from my thoughts by a hands on the small of my back and arms around me. "May I have this dance?" Emily asked tipsily.
"You're supposed to ask before you start dancing" I giggle and put my head against her shoulder. "Yes. I'll always dance with you." I said snuggling into her. She rubs up my back and I feel so loved and safe in those moments. After her dad died Emily most definitely began to drink more. Alcohol had always been her escape, and women. I made her promise me she wouldn't drink her problems away and instead of drowning her sorrows in brown liquor and waking up in some girl's bed that she'd call me whenever she felt like that. And she did. When I told her I was dating Archer after we had grew close again it just pushed her away again. I seen pics of her and Caleb in Italy after her break up with Paige and his with Hanna, she taught him how to surf on their brocation. She had some one night stands, and she became a bartender when she went back to California. Which was so out of her character. But she never showed her emotions. She was just tired of me playing with her feelings. And that's why we are here. She's always put me first, and I've always been too much of a coward to do the same. I can't keep blaming who I was on why I won't try with Em. At this point it's just my insecurities. I break from my thoughts and stop dancing. She looks at me. It's now or never I tell myself. I lean in and kiss her and she doesn't stop me. I taste the beer on her lips. I feel her hands begin to roam my body. Paige is gone. AD is gone. My past is gone. Here we are two women who stood by one another no matter what. Two mothers who would raise a beautiful child together. Two star crossed lovers finally finding their way home.
We barely tear away from each other long enough to make it to the bed. I'm nervous, she isn't she's done this over and over again. I've only shared myself twice with people I loved. One turned out to be a complete fake, and so was our love. Then there was Emily. The first time we had sex we were young, and we couldn't get a grip on our emotions. But every ounce of nervousness I had then was erased by how tender she was, how caring. I realize I'm lost in my thoughts and she is lost in passion. She's tugging at my shirt. I let off the bed to allow her to take my shirt off. Her kisses full of hunger. She continues to take my clothes and I take off hers. I stop kissing her long enough for her to realize something is wrong. "Ali, we can stop if you'd like I mean… if you don't want to…" I cut her off.
"Of course I want to. I just…" I freeze.
"Hey, it'okay." She said moves my hair behind my ear, and pecks me on the lips.
"I love you. I'm in love with you and I have been so afraid to tell you. And the instead of saying it to you I just kept pushing you away. But you kept pulling me back in. And I wanted you to. I wanted you to kiss me and tell me that you love me more than anything on this earth and I could tell you too. But then you and Paige happened and I just gave up. I've always loved you, I just didn't know what it was. You always protect me, you care for me, you feed me, you save me. No one else has ever really loved me. My family, my lovers, sometime I even questioned the others. But I never bad to question you. I wanted you to tell me you loved me first so I could be sure you felt the same before I told you. But then I realized you deserved me saying it first. You deserve me tell you I'm sorry for making you think that what we had wasn't special. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't enough. I'm I was afraid. And sorry if you ever thought I didn't love you."
"I love you too." She said with a smile on her face and a tear rolling down her cheek. I wiped away her tear and kisses her slowly. This is what happiness feels like.