Title: Salutarem Via
Summary: After an international mission comes into light, Reid has to face the fact that his team will now need to know one of his biggest secrets: his life way from the BAU.
A/N: I hope the last couple of chapters are both surprising and rewarding. I also that you guys did not mind me going back to reply to all the reviews that allowed for a PM. I really appreciate the support you have given me during this story and I wanted to make sure you all felt that.
For all those that I could not send a PM to, I just want to send a thank you and generally I want to send Matthew Gray Gubler as a singing telegram to all of your houses saying how grateful I am. Seeing as that is an improbability, I hope this note suffices.
This is the longest chapter to date, and I am trying to avoid another ridiculously long chapter. They take twice as long to edit and everything, and I do want to update more often. I am sorry it took two weeks, but it was almost triple the length (words wise...it's only about double the amount of pages) of an usual chapter.
I once again apologize for the mistake within the chapter. I try to find them all, but I am human. Despite all of that, I hope you can all enjoy reading this.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Criminal Minds expect this and all other of my stories. They are all variations of the very same dream...that I owned Criminal Minds and made a spin-off just about Reid. I would so watch that.
Chapter Fourteen: Joining Two Different Lives
"He had two lives: one, open, seen and known by all who cared to know, full of relative truth and of relative falsehood, exactly like the lives of his friends and acquaintances; and another life running its course in secret. And through some strange, perhaps accidental, conjunction of circumstances, everything that was essential, of interest and of value to him, everything in which he was sincere and did not deceive himself, everything that made the kernel of his life, was hidden from other people."-Anton Chekhov
Javier drove them to the very elegant and intimidating building that was the Pentagon. JJ sat in the passenger seat dangerously teasing a question on her mind. Silence played with the atmosphere of the car, sometimes it was comfortable and other times it tensed up so much that neither party could really breathe.
JJ gave up avoiding her thoughts, so she sighed, "I need to ask you something, and I want you to answer honestly." She saw Javier nod for her to continue, "Okay, do you know what actually is going on or are you just some lacky like us that is tagging along?"
Squeezing the wheel tighter at the tone of her voice, Javier caught her glance in the rear-view mirror. He hated the idea of having this conversation without the official permission of Adelaide or Spencer or anyone else on the team, but he also acknowledge that Agent Jareau had a right to know exactly what this was all about and what she really got herself involved with when Reid asked her to stay. She had a family, and she may be sacrificing that family right now to help them find peace.
Running through all of the information he held within his memory, Javier decided it was best to be honest, "I work security for Dr. Lancaster. As the head, I have to know all possible threats and prepare for them. I know everything, and not just because I have to. She trusted me to know. I think she needed to talk to someone, and I just happened to be there. What do you want to know?" He nervously licked his lips as he waited for JJ to mull over all the questions floating in her mind.
Twisting her whole body to be able to face him completely, JJ began the conversation, "When did this start? I mean, why did the pick Spence out of everyone for this?"
Still keeping his eyes on the road, Javier answered, "My guess would be that he has made quite the reputation for himself in and around the intelligence community, and they wanted someone they knew would be able to get the job done without fail and with minimal repercussions, not that it worked but they tried."
JJ shook her head, "I...I don't...I don't understand what you're saying."
Harsher than he intended, Javier fumed, "Look, you have a genius working for you which is great, but don't for a second confuse that with something that it's not. He can have another job, and to be perfectly honest with you, he should have another job. He has been offered dozens of other jobs. He has turned down so many opportunities to stay in your unit. I don't know why, but he has. I don't understand any of it. If it were me, I would have left."
"I am confused. What does this have to do with anything?"
He huffed, "I mean that Reid has been consulting for other agencies for years, and some of them have been trying to snag him. He won't leave any of you, but that doesn't mean that they won't try to sweeten the deal anyway they know how."
Growing embarrassed for her lack of knowledge, she shifted in her seat and rearranged herself to look forward. She forced herself to jostle around with the conversation, "What really is going on? There is more to this story, and I want to know what it is?"
"It's a personal one. Are you sure you want to find out?" He actually took the time to look right into her soul as he searched for the honest answer to his question. She needed to have the right reasons to dig into that grave, that dark and hidden grave. It could not be selfish. It could not be simply because she had an urge to know and unmask her lying teammate.
Her blue eyes shined with anger and frustration, but there was a hint of something else, something deeper. He waited for her to conjure up the courage to ask. Seconds melted into minutes with just shaky apprehension holding them still.
She muttered, "I need to know." Her voice shook and felt like it broke a long time ago. It was her voice, low and raspy, that convinced Javier that she really did need to know. Not for her piece of mind, she needed to know to make everything else bearable for her, for her team. She needed to know because only with knowing could she help Reid with the outcome of this catastrophe.
"I don't know details, but I can give you a general description of what happened." She nodded, and he pushed on, "Okay, well, it was going fine. Actually, it was going perfectly. They stopped the bombings and they saved lives. It went to shit after Coby and Reid decoded a message. They found out this was part of a much bigger play, so they moved. Request for a longer stay was put into play and they had Keller and Ford infiltrate as best as they could. Something went wrong."
JJ trembled with the memories of her own failures. Many things could go wrong in the field. She softly rubbed her flat belly in remembrance of all the things that could go wrong. She timidly asked, "What went wrong?"
He moved his hands to express his irritation with everything, "Ford found something that needed to be identified, so Addie and Manny went. The problem was that it was a trap. Halfway to Marnie, the others had to call them to say that Tom was surrounded and he needed to be extracted. Addie sent Manny over there with Schneider. Quinn even went to help; he could fight well enough and knew how to fly. They all barely made it out. It's just that Marnie and Addie were left to defend for themselves which I would say it's not much of a problem, except it was this one time. It was an ambush." There was a pause. "They were missing for three days before they found them. Marnie was tortured to death and Addie was barely holding on."
"What happened after?"
"Everyone there was arrested and taken to Guantanamo Bay. Marnie Ford was buried with her family receiving a notice of her service. Adelaide was in a hospital for three weeks. She went home and was taken out of field duty. They were all ordered to not speak to one another. They stop the growth, but those people were still out there just in smaller numbers. They lived their lives, and now we're here."
Wetness gathered in the corner of her eye almost spilling over. JJ wanted to cry, but that had to wait until she was home in the arms of her husband after all of this was over. Until then, she bit her tongue, held back her tears, and looked onward hoping she was prepared for whatever was coming for them.
Staying in reserved stillness, Javier wondered whether or not he did the correct thing by sharing a story that did not belong to him; while, JJ's mind returned to the notion of her incompetence. She managed to trick everyone around her that she was more than she was, but Reid managed to do the opposite. He restrained his capabilities to create the perfect fantasy for the them. He did not want the credit of hero. No, he was running from his heroic acts.
Just as her mind attempted to comprehend Reid's complicated brain, her phone buzzed. "Jareau."
Her husband was on the other line, "Jennifer, may I ask what Spencer's gotten himself into? I just had a very strange meeting couple hours ago with a rather powerful person in DC telling me to ask Spencer if I have questions about a pair of murders. What's going on, Chère"
Anxious at the idea of her husband becoming involved, JJ hurriedly asked, "Will, who did you go see?"
"Name's Adelaide Lancaster. She works at the Pentagon. Why?"
Worried about the safety of her family, JJ ordered, "Will, listen to me. You need to go home, get Henry, and head over to my mom's, okay?"
"JJ, what's going on?"
She shushed him and repeated her demand, "Go get Henry, Will, and get him away from here. I don't want either of you involved. Don't worry about the murders. Don't worry about Spence. Just get Henry and get out."
"Chère?"
Rubbing her belly, she closed her eyes. She needed to save them, "Just do it, Will. Please, just go. I'll explain as soon as I can. I promise, I will. Just do this for me, right now."
"Sure thing. On my way home. Be careful. I love you."
Exhaling, she tried to suck in her tears, "I love you, too. Tell Henry I love him."
"I will. Don't you worry."
A small smile escaping her troubled expression, JJ ended the call, "Be good. I'll see you as soon as I can." She hung up, and noticed Javier's eyes in the rear-view mirror checking to see if she was all right. She grinned hoping he would let it go. He did. They arrived at the Pentagon with no more stressful talks.
Passing security easily as Javier was universally liked by the staff and JJ still had some friends, they reached Addie's office only for it to be empty. The new guy explained what occurred.
They next ten minutes consisted of Javier calling all of Addie's usual spots to see if they had seen her. The places they could not call, Javier had security personnel drive by...her apartment, her parents' home, and the cave. Nothing. Adelaide Rose Lancaster was officially missing.
Two angry men in one vehicle did not leave enough room for either man to vent the aggression. Too much hot air in a small, confined spaced never allowed for the occupants to cool down. Glover and Morgan switch between the two of them to stress their annoyance. One huffed and soon after the other one puffed.
Both were in a state of disbelief.
Glover grabbed the chance to contemplate what occurred, "Can I be the one to say, what the hell is going on? I mean the Reid you described is nothing like the Reid we just saw. What is going on, dude?"
Morgan forced himself to keep his eyes on the road, but he shook his head exhaling deeply, "I don't know, man. It's like, Reid, has had this secret life that none of us knew about and now we are just stuck in the middle of all of it trying to figure it out. I don't like it."
"Well, what do you think is going on?"
Morgan blinked trying to formulate a thought, "I think I have to have a long talk with someone I thought I knew completely, so I can understand what all of this is, what his life has been. Then, I am going to reevaluate my belief system, because something is clearly off." The next part was whispered to himself, "What have you been doing, Pretty Boy?"
The rest of the trip was one of silence. No one breathed. Both of them simply wandered with their imagination trying to grasp the notion of Reid as a super spy. How can he be something other than the nerdy kid that could barely walk straight without making some type of mess become a worthy adversary to some terrorist organization.
Reaching their destination, Morgan and Glover entered the hospital. Seeing a polite nurse at the reception, they asked about Jacoby Samuel. Following her directions, the first thing they saw outside the door was a big man. He was big, but something about his face gave to kindness and serenity. Morgan felt an odd mixture of security and acceptance. He knew why Ames was a good Marshal. Not many people gave the illusion that they were strong enough to protect you in the face of danger but gentle enough to listen and understand your circumstances enough to actually care for you.
Glover approached him first, "Excuse me. I'm Agent Nathan Glover, and this is Agent Derek Morgan. We're from the FBI." He stuck out his hand to shake his. "You must be Mitchell Ames. Nice to meet you."
Ames had a firm and steady handshake, "Yeah, that's me. I'm glad you guys could come. He hasn't stopped talking about this Reid fellow since he woke up. It hurts him, but he doesn't seem to care about that." He led them into the room. The man on the bed looked right at them excited at the prospect that Reid had been able to send someone. "Coby, this is..."
Coby interrupted Ames scooting up on the bed, "Yeah, that's Derek Morgan. Reid talked about you whenever Keller and Schneider argued about something, said they reminded him of you and Anderson."
Morgan halted surprised by the statement and somewhat touched at the thought, "He talked about me."
Nodding, Coby waved them to get closer, "Yeah, I know Reid better then the rest of the team. We've known each other for a few years now." Noticing Glover behind Morgan, Coby apologized, "Sorry, I don't know you. You must be new. Hi, I'm Coby. Well, Jacoby Samuel, but people call me Coby." He hissed when he attempted to lift his arm to shake Glover's hand, "Sorry."
Glover raised his hands, "Don't worry about it. I'm Nathan Glover."
Coby waved sighing, "I guess you're here to talk about the attack. Well, I don't know much. I heard a fight outside my door. I panicked and smashed all my computers to avoid someone getting my information. I sneaked out. He found me. Stab, blood, dying. I think that catches you all up."
Glover hated people like this. People who thought they knew how all of this worked, "We were hoping to ask you some questions. Reid sent us to get information." He looked to Morgan to see if he was as frustrated as he was.
Before Morgan could get a word out, Coby laughed, "I know how this works. I used to be employed by the CIA and I often worked with Homeland Security. I also currently work a lot with police and security, so I know I know how this works." He turned to Ames and asked, "Can you hand me that notepad?" He pointed to a sketchbook on the table by the window seat. Holding out his arms, Ames gave him the book.
Three minutes later, Coby flipped the book to show them all a rudimentary sketch. "This was the guy that stabbed me. He has been on a watch list for the last five years, but they haven't been able to place anything on him. Goes by Adil, if my memory serves." He pushed toward them, "Take it to Reid. I can't help much thanks to this wound, but I can give this to Spencer to help in some way."
Morgan scanned the picture in shock. These people were from a new level. They could not treat them like normal victims or even unsubs. These people were smarter than his team were, and they existed within the loop. Normal tactics were not going to work on them.
Coby watched them. He smiled, "What you want to ask about is Spencer's secret life and how all of you missed it, am I right?" He did not wait for them to reply, because he was sure of their answer, "I could tell you what happened."
Both Morgan and Glover perked up at the idea of having someone fill in the blanks. Even Ames appeared interested at knowing more about the story. Coby knew this world occur. Everyone wanted the gossip when they came back. All his team wanted was to forget about it, and all anybody else wanted was to pick at the open wound. One of the many reason he left this outrageous game, and one of the many reasons he wished he went with his brother.
Focusing on the topic, Coby popped up his head, "My brother. Have you heard from my brother, Quinlan? He said that he sent a message about a week ago. Do you know where he is?" Desperation twinkled in his eyes as he waited for them to respond.
Stomach sinking, Morgan hated the obligation at hand. Delivering a death notice was the worst part of his job, "Coby, I am sorry. There wasn't much we could do as I am sure you know." There was a pause as he saw Coby's brain piece together everything. He announced it anyway, "Your brother's body was found yesterday afternoon. He had been dead for at least two days. I am so sorry."
Swallowing his hurt, Coby sniffed his tears determined to find release of some sort. He could only hold onto so much pain before it all would flow out of him, "What do you want to know about Operation Casurus?"
Morgan wanted to decline the offer seeing the pain flash on Coby's expression, but Glover jumped in without much thought of other's opinions, "Everything."
Shifting uncomfortably, Coby began to explain, "I'm not exactly sure where to start...We went Sudan. Between my brother and Manny, they found this threat on an university. We eliminated that threat and a few others while we were there. We went to Somalia. Found a new terrorist group forming. Went to put a stop to it in Saudi Arabia. It got dicey, and we were sent home." He could see desperation on Glover's face. That man did not want to know for a good reason, but he had a hunger for gossip.
Irritated by the vagueness of his response, Glover huffed, "Can you be a little more specific? Reid did not exactly share information with us. All he did was tell us what to do and leave expecting us to follow him blindly."
Coby examined Glover. He saw a man insecure in his personal life, so he must dominate in his professional life. Reid threatened the way he viewed himself. A genius with no ego of which to speak and work extending to the government on an intimate level would do that to a man. Reid did not demand respect, yet he had it from a group of well-esteemed individuals. Glover still struggled to gain his footing among the team. Coby concluded that he was not going to last long as he could not live without people giving him constant support and praise. This actually may be the last case he worked as a member of the BAU.
Weighing his options, Coby asked, "What do you want me to say?"
Morgan stepped forward trying to ease the rising heat, "Just what you are willing to share. We're just worried, okay." Seeing Coby relaxing, Morgan pushed his luck. He wanted to know, "I've known Reid for a long time, and I love him. He's my little brother, and I just wanna know his going to be okay, that he is okay."
Dropping his head on the pillow, Coby resigned himself. He spilled the truth, "He's not okay. You have to understand that. He might never be okay again. It's just a fact of life, of what we did, of what he keeps doing." He paused letting his mind wander before scoffing, "I don't know how he does it. I mean I get why, but how...it just blows my mind."
Glover wrinkled his forehead, "What do you mean?"
Sighing, Coby lifted himself up, "I mean that I am amazed by the things that Reid can do. I am amazed by the things he can learn. Have you seen him work a computer? I mean he is no master hacker like I am, but he picked it up fast. If he wanted to, I bet he could out-hack anyone." He inhaled and exhaled as thought about it. "The world is extremely lucky that Spencer Reid is a good man, because if he was anything else, we would be having a completely different discussion."
Stirring back the conversation, Glover barked, "We still don't really understand."
No longer wanting to beat around the bush, Coby asked, "Ames, can you make sure that no one is by the door? This is top secret."
Walking toward the door, he replied, "Sure thing." He opened the door and peaked outside. Seeing nothing, he walked back inside the stuffy room and locked the door.
The click of that lock permitted Coby to talk freely about the event, "Before I start, you have to understand that it wasn't easy coming back. I mean we always have a rough time being back with civilians again after being away for so long, but this was different. None of us came back the same." He had to stop after that knowing the pause allowed for questions.
Ames was the one that braved the challenge, "Why?"
A headache was coming. Coby could feel it, "We were a team. I have known Spencer since he started consulting for the CIA. I was his handler. Between us and two other people, Dashiell Lancaster and Lucera Mendez, we were the ones that found the bomb threat that took all of us there. I was glad that Reid decided to take the job. Col. James Schneider and Manuela Ferro were there to identify the bombs and any other possible weapons. Quinn and I were there as tech support. Thomas Keller and Marnie Ford were there to integrate themselves into society. Reid and Addie were the brains. It went well enough, but then it didn't." He stopped to catch his breath. A slow throb reminded him of the pain he kept feeling despite the time.
He searched for some guidance among the faces, but they all lacked the sweetness he found in Addie. "We split off. Marnie had a lead, and Tom had a different hunch. So, they went to investigate. Quinn and Schneider helped Tom and Manny and I helped Marnie. Addie and Reid kept things objective."
"Marnie found some sort of artifact that could be connected to the organization, but she needed it to be verified. Addie does that kind of stuff, so she went with Manny. The thing was that it was some sort of a trap. Reid had been telling us that we had to be more careful. He profiled that there was something more going on. None of us really listened to him. I could understand the others not taking him seriously, but I knew what he was capable of. I should have known better." He choked a little, "Keller needed to be extracted from his own assignment. He had been made, and I was stuck. Marnie said she was fine, so Addie went by herself and Manny turned around to help Schneider and Quinn."
Morgan could see where this was going. He did not have the will to stop himself from shifting and asking, "What happened?"
Coby continued, "Tom was fine. He just had a few scrapes and bruises, and we couldn't use him anymore; he was fine though. It came at a price. Marnie and Addie were taken. It was an ambush. We heard the whole thing, Reid and I. They were still connected to our system for the three days. GPS was knocked off, but they kept the sound on. I mean it would be a hard procedure to get them removed, but they could do a crude job. The thing was they wanted us to hear them. It added to their amusement, I guess." Gulping down the memory, he carried on, "Have you ever heard someone get tortured? It's worse than seeing it. I pictured everything that they did to them. I heard them scream. They were right there and I couldn't do anything for them."
Glover took a step back, "Marnie Ford, she's dead. Did she..." He left the ending unsaid.
Coby finished the story with a slight hitch in his voice, "Three days, they both screamed and screamed, but neither one said anything. Neither one gave them anything. We tried to take turns being there for them, but most of us couldn't stomach it for very long. Reid never left though. He stayed there all of those three days. When Quinn and I finally got a location, it was too late. Marnie had been dead for a few hours and Addie wasn't too far behind her."
He sniffed enough to catch the attention of all three men. He had tears falling, but he trudged on, "We got them, though. At least enough of them to keep them quiet for a while. We took their equipment and their people. Some of them even talked and gave us some information. Damage was done, though. Marnie was dead, and Tom felt responsible. James thought he failed his team, and Manny argued she should have never left Marnie and Addie alone. Quinn and I were never suppose to be field agents and we never were again. And Reid...well, Spencer, I imagine still wakes up in cold sweat after having nightmares of their screams."
Morgan straightened, "I would know if he had nightmares. Like I said Reid's like my little brother."
Coby scoffed, "He may love you and you may love him, but that doesn't mean you know him. He kept secrets from all of you to keep you save from his world. His two lives were separated. Though it killed him, Spencer understands that he needed to lie and manipulate. He kept an essential part of himself closed off, because he knew it was right. Sure, you have your secrets too. We all do but not like this. You know the mundane side of him, and that is perfectly okay. Just don't think that is all that is there."
After taking a break to breathe, he glued his eyes to Morgan, "You never want to see him mad. Reid was first in line to ambush the warehouse they were keeping Marnie and Addie. He beat them all. They thought he was non-threatening, but he showed them. The scars on his body, they come from the night we took back Addie."
Ames stood forward to add to the conversation. He halted when he saw the look on Coby's face. Whiter than when he first came into the hospital, Ames turned to Morgan and Glover. They all knew he was reliving the moment, a terrible moment. He was holding something back and close to the chest. It was killing him, slowly cutting off the circulation.
Gently encouraging, Morgan drifted to the bed, "Is there something you aren't telling us? Something you want to share."
He choked on the next few words, "We lied on the report. We all lied on the report to protect him."
Glover's ear perked up, "Protect who? Reid? Keller? Your brother? Who were you trying to protect?"
Coby settled himself into his bed. Exhausted from reliving his time in the field, Coby called for a nurse and shushed everyone, " Hey, Ames, could you get a nurse or something?" He turned to Morgan and Glover, "Can you, guys leave? I'm not feeling very well." He closed his eyes.
Doing what was asked, Ames called the nurse. Morgan and Glover stayed until she pushed them out the door, "...No consideration for the patient. He needs his energy to heal and you two have wasted it on talking about something that is just going to make him upset. Out with the both of you. Go on. Out!"
Glover stomped his way out with Morgan gliding behind him. None of them spoke until Morgan found his tongue, "I really don't know anything about Reid." He halted his steps and looked at Glover, "I mean I thought I did, but I'm thinking about it right now. I don't know. Ask me a few days ago, and I would have said Pretty Boy was an open book. He's not. All he is doing is feeding this illusion we have of him. Nathan, I don't know him at all."
Glover patted his shoulder, "Well, let's discovery who he is, okay?"
Both of them ambled their way out of the hospital hoping to uncover the answers that were plaguing their brains. Were any of them prepared for what was a head? As the question popped into their minds, Morgan decided to reason with the truth. No one could ever be ready, not even Reid.
Hotch marched behind Reid. Going back and forth between saying something or keeping his stoic face, Hotch decided to speak up, "Reid, we need to talk about this."
Stopping his walk, he shifted his footing to see Hotch stare at him, "Look, I get it. You want to talk about it. You have questions, and I have the answers. You will get them. I promise, but Hotch, I have a job to do." Seeing the look on his face, Reid choice to be honest for now, "I consulted with other agencies for years. It never affected my work, and I stopped after Emily came back. If you want to talk about this further, it is going to have to wait. Right now, I have someone who is waiting for me."
He led them down the hallway and into a rather dark room. Sitting there nursing a headache was Nolan who moved to view Reid and Hotch enter the room. Fixing himself, Nolan laughed, "Well, Dr. Reid, here we are at last." Catching Hotch's glare, he laughed, "And you brought company. I would have thought you would have wanted to keep this private...between you and me and the dear old cameras recording our every word." He smirked at Reid.
Acknowledging his unspoken request, Reid turned off the camera and settled himself in the seat across from him. Hotch took the one on the right and anticipated Reid's next move. They embraced the silence as no one among them desired to break it first.
Nolan scanned Reid ignoring Hotch completely, "You look good, Doc. I am sure my friend Dabir would be thrilled to see you doing so well."
Hotch felt Reid stiffen at the name, but he stayed quiet. The story rooted itself in secrecy, and Hotch knew how those contribute to life. He should have made a greater effort to interact with Reid. He knew he had been lying for a while, yet something told Hotch to leave it alone. Now, he sat in a room reaping the consequences of his detachment.
Reid's lips never changed position. They did not form a smile or frown or open to allow words to exit. He just stared without blinking. Hotch wondered if that was how he looked when he interrogates suspects. He contained the shiver as he realized how little he knew Reid, how comfortable he became with the construct he had of Reid.
Eventually, Reid surrendered himself to the tension, "I know, you go by Nolan. I know you flew in from London after failing to kill Manuela Ferro. I know you were assigned to kill me, and you could not do that either. I know you came in with another man that goes by the name of Adil. I know that there is at least two to three others involved. Manuela Ferro is here, and Jacoby Samuel is in a hospital recovering nicely from a wound." He did not falter, "So, tell me what I don't know."
Nolan mocked Reid more, "You think you've won, because I'm sitting here. You won't win. Even if you lock us all up, you still won't win. Even if you catch us all, you won't win." His cocky smirk grew, "Dabir made sure of that, didn't he?" The lack of reaction did not discourage Nolan from what needed to be done, "So, Doc, what is it that you want to know? Because let's be honest, there is a lot you don't know."
Something stirred in Hotch, a protectiveness over his team member. He yearned to wipe that smirk of Nolan's face, and his fist were more than willing to oblige that desire as they bunched up with the thumb inside. Almost wanting Reid to react violently, Hotch receives a different message from the genius's stance. Reid did not move an inch.
Nolan and Reid just stated at each other. Nothing happened but staring. No sound occurred other than the breathing and the beating of Hotch's chest. Thump. Thump. Thump. He projected his own debilitating anxiety onto the others. Hotch was never the nervous one. Even more disconcerted with the role-switching, Hotch contemplated how the others felt on a daily basis. He was not a fan.
They spent ten minutes in the silence. Reid had not twitched. Hotch's brows displayed his sweaty nerves shining in the dim light, while Nolan began to crack just a little, just enough.
Finally, Reid laughed, "What's it liked in your bland, stupid brain? It is so simple, so undeveloped. I imagine it must be boring; or maybe, it's nice, not having to think so hard about anything. Not seeing the world like I do. I can't imagine not being able to see so much." It was a short speech with a maniacal tone in every syllable.
Nolan reacted and did not react. He jerked at his words, but he said nothing. He simply sat there trying to keep the same expressionless gaze. He failed.
Motioning for Hotch to follow him, Reid finished his monologue, "I can't imagine being so stupid. Just being open to manipulation like that. Do you even have your own opinions? Beliefs?" Sixty seconds stumbled by and Reid left the room with these as his final words, "You are such a disappointment."
For the first time in twenty-seven minutes, Hotch voiced a thought, "What's your plan?" He wanted to ask about Nolan and about the time he spent away. He wanted to talk about Dabir and ask whom he was and why he was so important. He decided that none of that was safe, so he settled for something he knew would get a response.
Headed for the kitchenette, Reid replied, "I'm to make him nervous. Nerves tend to make people mess up. They get their guard down long enough to give you something important. It could save a life." He focused on his coffee mug.
Hotch knew he could not continue to be part of that interrogation without losing it, "I can't be in there anymore. I could be of more use working on the profile with everyone else."
Agreeing, Reid added, "That is actually a great idea. It's going to be easier to break him without having to worry about you." Done with his coffee, he turned to head back, "I'm going back in there. Hopefully, I will be able to get something out of him." He walked away leaving Hotch alone.
Trembling, he stilled enough to catch his breath and slow his heart. Waiting for some time, Hotch snapped out of it when the buzz of people entering the bullpen. There, Morgan and Glover walked in with JJ and Javier not far behind them. All of four of them were rather introspective, not noticing Hotch observing them.
Coming out behind them, Hotch grabbed their attention, "What did you find?"
Putting a pause between that thought, Javier introduce vital information, "Before all that, we have a serious problem on our hands." That caught Hotch's attention away from the task he wanted to perform. Receiving the sign to continue, Javier breathed, "Addie's gone. She's missing. JJ and I looked for her everywhere. Either she doesn't want to be found or someone took her. Either way, it's going to be a huge problem."
Hotch became grim with the news, "Well, we can't do much about that until we have all of the facts. We can't find her without understanding the situation. We need to know what's going on to build a better profile which in turn allows us to find her, so I repeat what did you find?"
Morgan and Glover wrestled with the contradiction of their conversation with Jacoby Samuel. They really did not know much, yet they discovered so much. Not knowing how to respond to their unit chief, both of them turned to JJ to take the lead.
Take the lead, she did, "I learned that the Pentagon has really nice offices, and that I really am not that good of a profiler. I learned that I have no idea who Spencer Reid is even though I have known him for about a decade. I learned that I don't know much about anything."
Morgan echoed her statement, "We learned pretty much the same thing though there was one interesting tidbit of information that might actually lead somewhere...they lied on the official report. We really don't know anything about what happened during Operation Casurus."
Glover added, "Except what they want us to know; but even then, we won't be able to verify anything. They could be lying to us."
Hotch went into unsub mode and placed his stony expression on his face, "What do you know about this?" Directing the frigidness to Javier, he began to advance his way to the conference room.
The strain from the implication of lying glued the rest of them in place until Javier's confusion became betrayal, "Addie wouldn't lie. She just wouldn't. That's not like her. She wouldn't just lie about something so important." His worldview shattered as his trust in his boss was tested. Everything fell into place. It all made sense, now. Why she was so invested? Why she needed to save everyone she could putting herself on the line? She forced them all to lie in the report. She felt guilty, because she lied. She was not honest or trustworthy or good. Oh, God, they took her. They took her because she knew something the others did not, or maybe they did.
Springing into action, Javier jogged to the conference room catching up to Hotch's stride. Everyone else followed.
Within the conference room, the rest of the team worked in utter silence. They only addressed one another when they absolutely needed to address one another. They read the files and tried to supplement the profile Reid created all those years ago. Not that there was much to improve upon as Reid did a thorough job of it.
The access to all of the information possible thrilled Penelope Garcia that roars of excitement could often erupted in the quiet of the room. Problem laid within the information she encountered in the cyber world. There were conflicts. Certain things just did not add up to the stories she heard or the memory she held of her family, of her dear, handsome doctor.
He was wholesome and naïve and often lost. He needed protection from the big, bad world; however, this painted a very different, darker image of her junior g-man. As she looked to her family and the stranger that slithered her way in, a tickle in her gut warned her telling her something was wrong. She wanted to say something, but Rossi appeared content and Emily seemed to be in enough conflict over the events of the day. Manny, she did not know Manny well enough to say anything about her or to her, except she trusted her. Not because Emily vouched for her before all of this, but because she saw the genuine concern and love she had for Reid. It was admiration beyond what she had ever experienced. There was a bond.
Still, she needed to say something, anything.
It was not long after that moment, when Hotch barged in the room, "Who is Dabir?"
All of them turned to see Hotch fuming by the doorway, all of them except Manny. She stayed where she was, her back to him, and answered, "I don't what your talking about." She sounded upset and confused. It sounded real.
Hotch stepped through the doorway, "Dabir, it was name Nolan mentioned during the interrogation. He said it like Reid would know who he was referring to. Who is he?"
"I don't know." After saying that she made the mistake of twisting her body to peer into the eyes of her accuser. She was gone. Hotch knew she was lying right then and there.
Harshly, Hotch pushed his way toward Garcia, "Search for the name Dabir. It has to be somewhere, if it was important enough to mention as soon as Reid and I walked into the interrogation room. Get me everything you can find."
In a panic, Manny practically shouted, "No, you won't find anything. I don't know who he is, and if I don't know, then he doesn't exist. Just let it go." Seeing that she was going nowhere with her pleas, she tried to reason with herself. She acknowledged this as a losing battle, but a part of her needed to hold onto the abyss. It took her years to welcome the nightmares; she could no longer envision her life without the sleepless nights. Telling the truth involved freeing her burdens from under her skin. She simply could not greet the liberty from disgrace. She did not deserve such forgiveness.
Not letting go, Manny insisted, "He isn't real. Nolan probably made him up to get you all riled up over nothing. He knows you couldn't know much and his using that against you."
Sneering, Hotch growled at her attempting to disarm her defenses, "I know all of you lied on the report when you were debriefed, and if you convinced the top intelligence agencies of this country, it means you were all on board. Now, my team is on the line, and there isn't much I will not do for my family. So, I repeat...Who. Is. Dabir?"
Manny repeated the word no until she spinned searching for something to soothe her. Nothing appeared. She was alone, and finally she broke, "You don't want to know."
Never seeing Manny so distraught, Emily tried to approach her, "Manny, it's okay..."
Furious with her circumstances, Manny snapped with her eyes on fire and her voice dripping with ferocity, "No, it isn't. You think you know, but you don't. You live in these perfectly boxed up lives that people like me try to protect, and you just want to unravel all of it. I won't let you. He won't let you."
JJ spoke, "Spence's our friend. All we want to do is help him."
Manny snarled, "Help him. You want to help him. News flash, Blondie! You can't help him! We have secret lives for a reason."
Thinking this to be the opportune moment for old-timer wisdom, Rossi shifted himself closer to her, slowly as not to intimidate her, "You can't heal if you don't talk about it. If you don't heal, you can't live. Let us help you start to heal. Let us help Reid heal."
Manny recognized that voice, the voice Reid described to her when he retold his stories of the FBI. It was the unsub voice. Tears were on the verge of falling, "I don't heal. I don't get to talk about it, so I can make my peace. You go home with the scars, and then you move on to your next assignment. That's how it goes. Reid and I, we live in the shadows. You never get to see us."
Closer, Rossi sighed, "No one can be in that much pain for so long. No one can bear that many secrets without breaking. That's no way to live."
A bitter chuckle rang unnerving everyone. Manny's voice sang a savage song with a tone depicting defeat, "We don't live, Agent Rossi. That's the catch. The thing they don't tell you until you're in too deep, too invested. You don't get to live. You see, living tends to lead to dying. You are of no use to them dead, so we don't live the life of people that talk about their feelings and heal all of their wounds. We don't live. We just survive long enough to get the job done."
The BAU knew nothing of that life, but Javier did know. Using the only thing he knew would bring the results everyone wanted from her, Javier said the thing he had been trying to deny, "Manny, you have to understand something." He strolled over to her and gripped her hands. Looking at her shockingly blank face wet with silent tears, he tenderly told her the truth, "Addie's missing, and if you can tell me that Dabir has nothing to do with that...I will let it go, but if not, I have to ask again."
Her reaction was belated, but she relented to their desires, "You really don''t want to know. I...I...I.." She struggled to find her breath, "You don't understand. It was our fault, and Marnie paid the price. We did that to her, because we wouldn't listen."
They all listened to her without interrupting her or asking for further explanations as she continued in hysterics, "We thought him to be some nerdy kid from the FBI that Addie found cute or something. We ignored him, but then he started to get things right. His profile helped Quinn and I find some of the bomb threats. And Coby talked about their time together. I put aside my judgment of him. Schneider couldn't let it go. There was always conflict. James just wouldn't listen to reason, so we didn't take the right precautions we should have and Marnie paid the price."
"By the time we arrived in Saudi Arabia, Addie realized this wasn't going to be quick. It took two days, but she was able to convince us to stay for a prolonged period of time. She called in reinforcements, but they weren't going to get there for at least two more days. We were stuck with what we had. It was enough until Tom and Marnie split up. Coby and I were assigned to Marnie, while Quinn and James were to help Tom. Less than eighteen hours later, Marnie thought she found something. I was suppose to go with Addie to help her identify it, but Tom had been compromised."
Here, her voice hitched and breathing became a laborious task, "I turned to help get Tom out alive, so Addie went by herself. Quinn flies, and we needed to get there quickly. Someone had to stay and man the controls at HQ. Coby and Spencer stayed behind. Thing was...it was all a trap. Marnie and Addie were taken. GPS is easy enough to kill, but The Samuel Wonders created a communication system that was pretty hard to get rid of. It was countermeasure against agents getting lost in the middle of nowhere or being taken, so you could always communicate and get extracted. You can remove it, if you know what you're doing. It just takes some time and skill. When they figured out that they couldn't cut off communication so easily, they decided to leave it as a form of psychological torture."
There was a chill in the air. Garcia was already in tears by viewing the clear distress retelling the memory caused Manny. All of them dreaded the ending of the story.
Manny found her voice again after pausing, "We were all suppose to be there for them, but I couldn't make it through two hours of hearing them scream, of them laughing. I thought I had seen it all, but something like this happens just to remind you that there are still some sick excuses for human beings that can do something you haven't seen. Schneider lasted the longest with a five hour shift, but after one turn he locked himself in his bunker and he didn't come out." She finally looked up at them with a dark, twisted smile, "Reid, though, he never left. He didn't sleep. He didn't eat. He barely even blinked. He just sat there and listened for three days. He listened to them be tortured for three days. How did he do it?"
Tears rolling down her cheeks, she wiped them away, "He comforted them when he could, anyway he could. He was there for them. He gave them enough strength to carry on without breaking. By the time the equipment arrived, they were gone for almost the three days. We located them in a couple hours, but it didn't matter. Reid had already heard Marnie die, heard her take her last breath."
Her eyes were blazing, "You know what he said to her as she was dying. He told her it was okay to let go. That she had done her country proud, so she didn't have to hold on anymore. He told her about this warm light and how over there...there aren't any monsters that can cause her pain. He made her last seconds bearable. I don't know that many people that would do that especially not my profession." She looked down again. "We got to a warehouse. We got them all, everyone that was there. We got there before they disposed of Marnie's body. There wasn't much left of it, but it was something." She took a breathe, "Addie was barely holding on, so we got her out as quick as we could. We made sure the Salutarem Via was no more."
Morgan had been on the sidelines by choice, but he decided to enter the room. The connection between that might and the man in question was blurred, "Who is Dabir? What does he have to do with any of this?"
Hiding her face in shame, Manny finally answered, "Dabir is the ghost that's haunting us. He's the reason we lied on the report. He was there at the warehouse that night, but you won't find his name or picture in the report. None of us mentioned him."
The voices of each person drowned in the ringing of her ears. All she heard was the question of what do you mean, but she could distinctly hear Glover's whispered tone, "God, what does this have to do with anything?"
Before losing her resolve to be honest, she quickly spilled the truth, "Spencer killed him. We lied, because Spencer killed him. Spencer beat Dabir to death."
Shaken by the truth, everyone in the room contemplated the weight of the revelation. They had all lived through the consequence of pulling a trigger. Most of them knew the burden of taking someone's life away. Defining your person, it integrated itself into the fibers of your soul. Each kill etched itself on your imagination. It stretched it's marks on your heart with your own dreams turning them into nightmares. Reid hid the very essence of his being away from his family. As a means to survive, he lied to them all. And his team lied to protect him. Now, with his two lives merging, his shield transformed itself into a bleeding wound still throbbing with pain.
Translation: Saving Way