Title: Salutarem Via
Summary: After an international mission comes into light, Reid has to face the fact that his team will now need to know one of his biggest secrets: his life way from the BAU.
A/N: I am back! The reviews have been amazing and extremely motivating. I hope the last chapter was not too dark for any of you. I know this is rated T, but it does borderline M in that chapter. If any of you were offended, I am apologizing right now. Please let me know, and I will take it into deep consideration for any upcoming chapters. I did not want to offend anyone or cross any lines, and I really hope I didn't. There have been no complaints, so I can only assume all is well.
This chapter is a lot less angsty in that regard, so take a breath. Please review, favorite, and follow if you like what you are reading. Again, I am sorry for any and all mistakes. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I am not making a profit off this story for I do not own Criminal Minds, though my dad did ask when my writing were going to start making some money. I lied and said soon. I really wished I could get paid writing about some of my favorite people even if those people are fictional.
Chapter Seventeen: Looking for Moonlight
"The moon will guide through the night with her brightness, but she will always dwell in the darkness, in order to be seen."-Shannon L. Adler
Seeking the truth always had been easier than actually finding it. There was something about that initial motivation to uncover something more than what you know that propels you into the great beyond. That great beyond always led you into a deep despair unknown to all before it showed you anything worthy of knowing.
Truth laid in the dark, because only when you realize that night was all that surrounded you, do you stand and search for more. Only then did you search for the truth discretely illuminating your way out of the abyss.
Life was so very complicated that way.
The BAU team learned that in the span of approximately thirteen hours. In that time, their construction of one of their closest friends completely tumbled. All that was left for them to see was a reconfiguration of what they thought they knew.
Frozen in shock, Manny reacted. As soon as her presence was missed, feet followed her only to be presented to the man of the hour. Ignoring the desperation within their eyes, he fled the scene away from all of their questioning looks and worried expressions.
Tucked away with the prisoner, they left Manny and joined Garcia in the conference room (she elected not to see Reid enact on the anger he had). With Hotch leading the pact, all of them entered dazed, unsure, and furious. Secrets created fury in those that unaware of them.
Emily being only two steps behind Hotch and five steps ahead of everyone else commanded, "Garcia, I need you to dig into Reid's file on every single database offered on that program he granted you access to. Can you do that?"
Startled with such a request, Penelope widened her eyes and stuttered, "Wh-what? I mean," Cough. "Why? Why would I do that? It is an invasion of privacy."
Frustrated with the lack of cooperation, Emily affirmed her intentions, "Can you or can you not access his files, Garcia?"
Straightening herself, she nodded, "Of course. I just don't understand why we would do such a thing. Can't we just ask my handsome, junior G-man? I mean, sure he kept secrets, but now everything's in the open. So, I don't see the reason..."
Finding his tongue at last, Morgan pushed his way to her, "Babygirl, he has been keeping a lot more secrets than we originally thought, and right now, I am not sure he would tells us anything."
Glover took his lead and added more to the story, "I agree, and by the look he gave us not that long ago, he definitely does not want to see us right now. Let alone talk to us about his best kept secrets."
Her fingers sped over the keys searching for that file. What she found was something else. "Um...I am not sure if this is what you were looking for, but what I have here is his school reports, IQ tests, all of his dissertations...did you guys know that he has gotten seven other degrees since he started the BAU. I mean do the math. That's three doctorates which is around nine degrees and then he got two more to be able to join the BAU. That's eleven plus seven equals eighteen. Eighteen, who has the time to do that?"
Hotch grunted, "Garcia."
Focusing on the task, she carried on, "Sorry, right...I also have his FBI profile, and some notes from various departments and other agencies asking for his transfer. Our Boy Wonder is extremely popular within the intelligence community. And, his case reports, but we know all about those."
Shaking his head and turning to catch everyone's stares, Glover threw his arms in the air in exasperation, "That's it? That's all you found? Nothing on Operation Casurus or anything remotely similar?"
Penelope glanced up denying such a thing, "Nope." There was an emphasis on the 'p'. "If I wasn't here when he confirmed his involvement, I would have thought you all swallowed a crazy pill this morning." Checking her screen once more, she shook her head, "Sorry, peaches, but this information highway is under deep construction. There is nothing about any of that here."
Just a second later, her computer started buzzing. "What the...no, no, no." The screen went blank as a virus took over. Penelope read, "Our apologies. This is classified."
For the first time, Javier announced his presence among them, "Addie and her brother invented that virus to prevent any hackers from accessing the deepest security intelligence. Spencer Reid happens to be one of the most secure intelligence asset this government has which is why you won't get anything on him using that." He pointed to the computer system currently rebooting itself. "If you have been trying to get involved with Reid in anyway that probably has happened."
Huffing, Garcia glared, "Your boss almost killed my babies on several different occasions in the last couple weeks."
Javier chuckled, "I'm afraid, Reid had something to do with that as this is a federal building. It has to be access remotely to completely fry a computer. All Adelaide does is plant the virus into all systems connected to particular intelligence. If it's under her jurisdiction, she activates it. If not, someone under her does." Gesturing to her device, "In this case, Reid would be the culprit."
Having enough, Morgan pounced on him, "Ortiz, you're a dead man. You knew something was up and you said nothing. You keep to yourself, huh? What help are you? Your boss is missing and you're still keeping secrets."
His shirt balled in Morgan's fist, Javier nonchalantly declared, "We all have jobs to do. You do yours and I do mine." Morgan was not impressed with such a response, so Javier spit, "I'm a soldier, and as such, I follow orders." He shrugged Morgan off, "I was to keep my vow of protecting intelligence and keeping Manuela alive. I have not broken that vow. I will die keeping that vow. Do you understand?"
Mouth agape, Morgan backed off as the others did the same. All of them looked at him unsure of how to respond. Javier smiled as he witnessed Manny walk in cleaning herself off, "Manny, what have you found out for us?"
Analyzing the room, Manny preferred to say nothing, "He's about to break. We just need one little thing to push him over the edge. Reid did a rather crude job of it, but under the circumstances, I guess I can let it slide. Never make Spencer Reid anger. He can get inside your head and destroy you."
Not to be ignored so blatantly, Morgan stomps toward her, "What do you know about all of this, because I just found out that I am not actually privileged enough to know anything about anyone on this team. Secrets are apparently everywhere, and this muscle monkey is not sharing. Are you on our side, or are we just here for show?"
Stoic as ever, Hotch intervened, "Morgan, that is enough."
Stepping forward, JJ whispered, "He's right, though." Faces turned to her and she gathered her confidence to speak just a little louder, "We have secrets." Her thoughts connected and sunk into the depths of her volcanic shock. It erupted, "He has his secrets, so why did he get so angry when he realized we had are own. Is he the only one allowed to have a life outside of these walls? I mean..."
Before JJ could say more, Rossi wrapped his arms around her soothing her lava back into its stoney cage, "I think it went beyond all of that. I think it was all of it happening at once. He lost Emily, he went to war, and he came back from that looking for peace. His home crumbled when he realized that even his family was not to be trusted."
Javier took the time to escape scrutiny and head over to where Manny had parked herself. By the table near Garcia, he tucked himself away on one of the chairs. They blocked themselves from the destruction that was ahead.
JJ relaxed only to be stilled with the image of the two strangers sitting so calmly away from all of them. Neither one surprised by Spencer's actions or his other life or any of this. She lost her balanced and slipped into a dark crack on the surface of her world. She was searching for something to pull her back into the light. Her world shattered the instance that gentle Spencer Reid grew tall and strong and red. There was revenge in his eyes and blood on his hands.
He was not in the light ready to welcome the lost souls into the warmth. No, he morphed into something else or maybe he was always that way- something beyond human morals and correctness. He was not in the light. He was the light in the dark that forced you to spring into action, into searching for more. He shined brightly helping you reach your destination, but forever destined to thrive in the shadows never to be seen.
Is that not what Manuela said when she explained all of this? She warned them about the truth, and they ignored her pleas.
Her resolve to maintain her fury evaporated until only loneliness remained. Something snuck its way into her throat as the realization hit her tenfold. Spencer Reid may not be with them for much longer, if they did nothing for him. The shining light that helped ease the darkness away might just slowly give out abandoning them all in the night.
Knowing the villain of your story did nothing but turn off your lights, because knowing and acquiring were two different things. One led to action and the other led to the end of the journey.
Darkness covered doubt with its ghostly grip, unrelenting to loosen.
Knowing left you with doubts and uncertainties. What were you going to do with that new information? How would you use that new knowledge to find what you really desired out of the situation? How did knowing anything help at all?
People drowned in all of their knowing unable to decide how to approach such responsibility.
Spencer Reid held an unique ability of knowing exactly what do to with the encyclopedia of information contained in his ever vast memory. That did not mean that at this moment he did not need advice from someone with much more to offer. He racked around searching for the answer, and he had an answer but had no idea what to do with such information.
He needed a confirmation of all the thoughts floating inside of his powerful brain. He also needed someone personally involved to permit his inclusion and to forgive the need for him to be included. Spiraling out of control, he attempted to gather his thoughts long enough to make a much needed phone call- a call he dreaded to make.
The dread was not enough to stop him from doing what must be done to finish the job.
He dialed the number. With a his heartbeat steadily increase with the pulsing tension, Reid waited for the ringing to be halted by a stern yet welcoming voice. He waited for an answer.
"Hello."
Closing his eyes, he bathed in that voice before replying to the voice's greeting. He missed the sensation that voice stirred in him. It was familiar in the best possible way, protective and tough and everything he wished for at that moment. "Hello, Colonel. It's Spencer."
A slight hitch occurred changing the voice. It still welcomed him, but it was more rigid than before as if he anticipated something horrible to be announced, "Spencer, what a surprise! I haven't heard from you in a long while...since Rory's birth I believe."
His heart skipped a beat at the image of that beautiful baby boy no longer beautiful, "Yes, that was the last time I called."
"This call isn't for pleasantries, is it?"
Curt and direct, Col. Kenneth Lancaster had not softened with time. Reid guessed he was trying to push the conversation along knowing that Reid was frightened by the prospect of driving it where it needed to go. "No, sir, it is not."
"This is about my daughter, isn't it? She is missing, isn't she?"
With hardly a breath left in his lungs, Reid muttered the words that sluggishly stabbed his soul, "She has been missing for about thirteen hours."
"About...you don't even know how long she has been missing?"
Cringing at the rise in pitch, Reid reacted, "We imagine she was taken from a location near the Pentagon, but we cannot be sure exactly when she was taken. We can only estimate from tracing her steps until it went cold. I only found out about it a couple hours ago."
Spencer heard a sigh from the other line, "I understand you are looking for her. I woke up determined to call her, but all of my calls went straight to voicemail. Then, people outside our door appeared to be scoping out our house. I know they are ours, so I knew something went wrong. I was going to call that new CIA director, but something stopped me."
A pause squeezed itself in the middle of the conversation as both men struggled to continue speaking, the subject matter to dark for any faith to blaze until the end was reached. No moonlight singled out the correct path to the answer. They were on their own fumbling around hoping to accidentally bump into the object of their desire.
The Colonel gained the courage to utter words first, "What is it that you need to find her?"
Blinking away the salty despair, Reid found a steady tone to deliver the next line, "I need you to tell me anything that seemed out of place in the last couple weeks. Did she ignore you? Did she seem off in any way? Did she seem upset or angry? Did she talk to someone she usually wouldn't talk to; or maybe, she paid someone extra attention when usually she would brush them off? Anything like that."
Quiet stood tall for a moment crushing Reid before the reserved army man declared, "I don't think so, but this is Addie you are talking about. She runs circles around all of us. I wouldn't be able to spot any difference in her behavior unless she wanted me to, and by the sound of it, she wouldn't want me to notice anything wrong."
Irate with it all, he huffed harshly, "Are you sure? Think about it. Really think about it. You probably saw something that you pushed to the back of your memory because you thought it was unimportant. It didn't seem significant at the time. Just think and remember."
"Spencer, you're fishing for something specific. Why don't you just ask me what you want to know directly, without all of this nonsense?"
Exhaling deeply, Spencer relaxed just a little, "I don't want to influence your memories by adding my own theories and opinions. I just want you to tell me what you saw, and I know it is more than you are saying. You are an intelligent and observant man. You saw something. Just remember what that something is."
To his credit, Col. Lancaster took a breath. He stopped to actually contemplate everything that could have been out of place with his younger daughter. Nothing jumped out at him, but Spencer's urgent words echoed in his memory until something popped right on out. "The Founders' Gala!"
Reid's ears perked up at the name, " The Founders' Gala...the one about two weeks ago?"
"That's the one! We were all invited. Adelaide was acting completely normal for most of it, but something happened halfway through the dinner. She was a little more distant the usual. I thought it was stress; but then, I noticed that she and Dashiell were keeping to themselves. Both of them were off in the corner. It is never good when the two of them are avoiding company."
Adapting to the new information, Spencer quickly hacked his way into the guest list of that gala. He recognized many of the names, yet only one name drew him in. It was the very name he wanted to see on the list. He pressed on, "Anything else?"
An intake of breath rushed into the earpiece, "Yes, someone asked Addie to dance. Now, that may seem normal, but no one had done that since Mark and Rory died. Most people respected her privacy and left her alone for most of the time. I didn't think anything of it, because she said no to the dance."
Reid paid full attention to the colonel dropping all other activities, " Do you know who asked her to dance? Can you give me a name?"
"Yeah, yeah, I can. It was the security guy, Stafford. Stefan Stafford. What does that have to do with anything?"
Momentary lapse of judgment led to Spencer being honest with the man. Maybe it was the authority this man carried, or maybe it was the affection they shared with each other. Something compelled Reid to be truthful. "Whoever took is keeping her alive. Now, it could be for information or for leverage, but I think it's personal unfinished business like that dance."
"What makes you say that?"
Keeping the momentum going, Spencer did not lose his step, "We have a mole in the system. Someone that could give the group behind this our names and faces. They don't need information. That have all the leverage they could possibly want, so why keep the one person that could end it all alive long enough to figure it out unless it's personal."
"And what does Stafford have to do with anything?"
Reid murmured, "He was on Addie's list of potential threats. He also fits the profile of the man behind killing a few members of my team. I am almost positive he has Adelaide holed up somewhere. He has the money, connections, and resources to keep in the longer term."
"Okay. You need anything just call me. I still know some players."
He puffed out a reply, "Of course, sir."
"You find her, Spencer. You find her, and you make that son of a bitch pay for what he has done to my little girl. You understand, son?"
Not knowing what else to say, he retorted in a short and formal voice, "Yes, sir."
Their conversation ended with that small yet loaded reply. He found the tiny ray kindling his path to her, to the resolution of all of this life he tossed away years ago. This life tethered him to a past dripping in cobwebs and black paint. He longed to release that part of him into the void, yet it existed within him. He would forever be shackled to the shadows only to shine for others to pass on through into sunlight.
He rapidly gathered himself to depart the little comfort his office granted him, so he could join the others in the conference room. With the evidence in hand and the small amount of bravery he somehow forged, he placed one foot in front of the other hoping this truly was it.