Title: Salutarem Via

Summary: After an international mission comes into light, Reid has to face the fact that his team will now need to know one of his biggest secrets: his life way from the BAU.

A/N: I am slowly trying to get back into the flow of writing this story after such a long break, and it is proving to me more difficult than I originally thought it would be. I am hoping that with two chapters up today that you can forgive my long absence from this. Though I will say this...you have been unbelievably generous with your time, love and understanding.

I could not be more pleasantly surprised at how respectful and encouraging you have all been during this hard time for me and my family. Your support has been wonderful. You have become more than just readers, but you are all some weird friends. I appreciate it more than words can express. Thank you!

Now, back to the reason why we are all here. Sorry for any and all mistakes in the chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I do watch it excessively when I am bored, sad, angry, or any other emotion really.

Chapter Eighteen: Wounded Selves

"The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation."-Cheryl Hughs

Hanging up with Spencer eased The Colonel enough to gently reassure his loving wife back to sleep. That was not to say that Vivienne Lancaster nee Baldi exhibited a need to be coddled. Everyone that encountered her knew that Vivienne Lancaster was not a dainty, little thing. Powerful and intelligent, she created a lucrative career defending the rights of all humanity.

She was tough and intimidating, but she was also kind and sympathetic. She easily loved, and she was willing to give her all to anyone that she deemed worthy of it especially her children. She opened herself up. It left calluses on her soul and scars on her heart. She was tender and ill-prepared for the world that he and his daughter helped form.

No, he would lie to her putting all of his faith in the man he once considered a son. He put his faith in a man he thought would be part of the family, so much so he saved him from a fate that directly transferred over to his baby girl.

His wife would feel relief and go on with her daily routine. With her sleeping the pain away, Kenneth slipped himself into his office displaying his riches. He was not one to brag, but he prided himself on his outstanding history. A decorated officer, he presented his awards and recognitions with delight. The degrees he obtained over the years hung on the walls: Mathematics degree from Princeton, Economics degree from Harvard, and the one he was most proud of his PhD in Mathematics from Princeton.

Going back there was almost as easy as marrying Vivienne. They met at Princeton. She was studying Political Science and Philosophy planning to enter Harvard Law School as soon as she graduated. All he wanted was to do Math every waking second. Two different spheres, and somehow they met.

It was the day The Colonel began believing in a Higher Power.

That Higher Power shoved him aside. There was nothing he could do to bring his daughter home at all, let alone alive. All he had was a cellular device that could connect him to someone who may have enough answers to alleviate more of the pain. All he had was that phone and a whole lot of faith in that Higher Power. If fate brought Vivienne and him together, he would pray that same ability would accompany Reid until he rescued Adelaide.

Until then, Kenneth dialed a number familiar to his fingers. It rung twice before the person on the other side picked up the phone.

"Hello?" It croaked. The voice was still half-asleep though alert enough to catch the ringing.

Unsure of how to approach such a delicate subject, he scurried around it. "Dashiell, how are you? I was planning on leaving a message seeing as it is rather early. What on earth are you doing up? Is everything okay?" He hoped the strangeness of his phrasing would tip off his rather genius son and swerve him into initiating the conversation he desperately desired to have.

Catching on, Dashiell cleared his throat fabricating a lie from the depths of truth, "I've been working long hours. I have this big project for the university, and I haven't had much time to rest or sleep or do much of anything else other than just work on the project."

Much cleverer than his son gave him credit, Kenneth played into the lie, "Well, then I will let you go so you can sleep. I just wanted to see if you talked to your sister recently. I have been trying to get a hold of her, but I can't seem to. I couldn't sleep because of it, so I thought I would leave you a message asking."

Relaxing just a bit, Dashiell guessed, "Ellie is somewhere in New York. You know how she gets when she gets together with Hannah. She probably out there visiting the sites, shopping. I am sure if you tried later today, she'll pick up."

The Colonel could not help but smile as his son answered exactly the way he wanted him to, "As much as I appreciate you trying to console me, I was speaking of your other sister. Do you know where Addie is?"

"No."

He replied too quickly. Col. Lancaster used it to his advantage, "Where is she, and what do you know about that assignment of hers?"

Lying was tricky business. Both The Colonel and Dashiell knew such a thing. The lies you choose to hide and the lies you choose to reveal paved the path you would walk for the rest of your life's journey. Deciding the moment of disclosure determined your spirit. It was also determined by the choice to not divulge anything.

The current circumstance represented a fork in the road that would shape the lasting relationship between father and son and daughter. The next words would be chosen wisely or else their reality would collapse in on itself.

"I thought Addie was in DC working from her office. She hasn't been out of the country much since her last big assignment."

Throwing the deception in his face, The Colonel furthered his inquiries, "Now, did that assignment ever end or is it ongoing?"

There was a hitch, a slight difference in breath that signified defeat. "Who told you about Adelaide?"

Worry ever present, a smile managed to spring free, "Spencer called me. He had a hunch and wanted to confirm it by asking me some questions."

"Great. Javier Ortiz, the head of her security team, called me to tell me about it. I think he didn't want to say anything to you, but he wanted someone to know about what was happening."

The truth concealed a believable lie, yes, but a lie nonetheless. Kenneth Lancaster was more than aware that his son, his absolutely brilliant son, knew more than he was admitting. Now, all he had to do was push the truth out of Dash. "I know there is more, but I won't force you to tell me. At least, I won't force you to tell me as of yet. I know you are involved somehow, but I also know that you may be committing treason by telling me about it. I just want you to know that you don't have to dismiss me. I understand how all of this works."

"I know, Dad, I know."

"Good. Just be careful. Lying changes you in ways you may not like. It's why I was so glad you got out when you did and why I worry over Addie every day."

"I know. I know. I hate this more than you know, and I wish I could go back and make all of this go away. I don't like it either."

Existing his office, The Colonel watched his wife blissfully dream in the comforting warmth of their bed. She was completely unaware of the dangerous happenings in the lives of their beloved children. He yearned to maintain that beautiful ignorance. "Just...just don't tell your mother. I don't think she would be able to forgive any of us if she ever found out."

"I won't say anything, Dad. I swear."

A heavy sigh encapsulated everything that words could not express. He attempted anyway, "I love you, Dashiell. I love Eloise, and I love Adelaide. You are my children. You are the only good thing I put into this world more so than any math problem I have solved that changed this world. I will do everything I can to protect the ones I love."

"Dad..."

"No, Dashiell. I recognize the limitations I have, so all I will say is this...I have lied for this government most of my life. There are parts of me that I have kept so hidden that they no longer exist. Your mother, you, kids, you will never truly know me. That is my fault. Don't make the same mistake." No one talked. Both anticipated the other to venture into a goodbye first. Kenneth plunged into the deep waters. "Just think about it. See you next time you are in town."

"I will, think about it that is. And of course, I'll come see you. It should be soon, I hope."

Hanging up, The Colonel only hoped his son realized the importance of his message. Deception and dishonesty fortified secret organizations and evil doings, but it weakened any and all good things within an individual. His son was a good man living in a twisted world, and he, as a father, only wanted his goodness preserved.

Escape never appeared sweeter to him.

Spencer Reid prided his ability to disguise himself from the world, yet at this moment he laid exposed. His skin was vulnerable and open to attack. Each step he took delivered him to the end of his existence at least in the way he had lived it until now.

They all knew the darkest side of him, or a darker side of the man they thought they could trust without second guessing the honesty of his alliance or doubting the purity of his integrity. It would be different from here on out. The dynamic shifted beneath their feet never to return to the smooth surface it once was. It bumped up and tripped all of them now, if they were not careful.

Inhaling, he pondered ways to avoid seeing them for just a little while longer. He could search for locations himself, but he knew Garcia would be faster, more accurate, and overall a better option. He reminded himself that he was the one that decided to include his team fully aware of the repercussions of such an action. He choose that course because he needed them in ways he had never needed them before this event.

He exhaled as he climbed up the stairs to walk to the conference room. The door mocked him with thoughts of what was on the other side waiting for his presence.

He marched right on up and through the door. He closed it much like it was and commandeered the attention of all the other occupants of the space. He stood tall and intimidating. He mimicked Hotch in every aspect of his stance masking all of his insecurities.

All eyes on his person, Reid spoke, "I have a name, and no one is going to like it." His audience anticipated watching him shuffle his way over to the board. He scribbled a name. Once done, he turned, "Stefan Stafford has personal interest in Adelaide. I don't know if it is romantic, platonic, professional, or something else entirely. I just know that he has shown interest in her, has unmistakable power, and fits the profile." He stopped to observe their expressions. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he trudged on, "He is also on her list of suspects."

Javier, being the only one besides Manny not in shock over what has occurred in the last dozen hours, tilted his head and contemplated the new information, "Anything else? You seem way to sure for this to be everything."

Nodding, Reid added, "Coby found some correspondence between Salutarem Via and an unknown party. With some decoding, he found out that other party is from the Northeastern part of the United States. That party signed it as Lucida Coronam which translates to Bright Crown. Stefan is a German name meaning crown. Stafford's middle name is another German name, Hugo which means bright in mind and spirit." Gesturing with his hands, he restated, "Bright Crown."

Manny sprung forward from her corner, "Great! Let's go get the son of a bitch."

Hums of agreement rung into the air. With everyone's approval, Reid faced Garcia, "I need you to coordinate with Coby. He is going to send the communication he and Manny intercepted. I want you to see if you can get a direct hit from it."

Garcia nodded as he mouth twitched. She wanted to say more but decided it was best to say nothing. Reid hesitated, and when nothing came, he continued, "I also want you to see if Stafford has any property close by. Nothing more than an hour away."

She bobbed her head, "Of course, Boy Wonder. The Oracle is on the job."

With the rapid motions ending, silence invaded the atmosphere pressurizing the air into an awkward tension. Not avoiding eye contact, Spencer forced himself to examine the room. He knew they had questions and remarks for him. He knew they wanted to yell and scream. He knew they doubted him completely.

The vulnerability crept back into his body as his mask slowly cracked.

None of them were saying anything, because they all recognized the position he was in left him uncovered, bare. He throbbed in nude embarrassment. They all saw him during his worst. He jeopardized himself by revealing his hidden knowledge.

He was exposed, hurting, wounded.

It was not about the lack of secrets. He still had plenty of those stuffed in his soul's pocket, plenty to be saved for a rainy day. Secrets were too much a part of him for that to ever be a problem which in itself is the actual problem with the whole situation. His vulnerability stemmed from his secrets that remained in the dark.

His team thought this was the end of deceit and the beginning of closure for them. It pained him that acknowledging those feelings only enlarged the amount of lies Reid would keep from them. His resolve to carry on was dissolving into nothing.

No one uttered a word, because one look at Hotch conveyed everything. We are going to talk about this later. You and I will talk, and then we will decided what to tell the team together. But this will happen later, right now we have to find Adelaide Lancaster.

Reid respected Hotch as much as he could, but he knew he was not going to be open and honest the way that his unit chief wanted him to be. He merely gave a slight nod to accept the nonverbal agreement between the two of them.

One more minute, Garcia chipped in, "Gotcha, you bastard!" Looking up from the screen, she gobbled, "He has a lot of properties all over the country including nine in the Northeastern area, but only three of those are close enough in range." Garcia recited the addresses as Spencer dotted the locations on a map wanting to use them as leverage against Nolan.

Morgan huffed silently waiting for the appropriate instant to inject himself. He realized no such occasion would happen, so he stepped forward as to speak.

Reid noticed the flicker of movement. Not ready to discuss anything, he snatched the map from the table propelled himself out the door with Manny faithfully following behind him.

The last thing Reid heard was Morgan cussing him out demanding the truth.

He faltered at the words, but he pressed on with one foot in front of the other leaving his uncertainties in the conference room. Putting on his steel face, Reid begged the powers that be that Nolan would cooperate with them.

Close enough away from his team, Manny tested the waters, "What are you going to tell them after this is all over?"

Staring straight ahead, Reid breathed, "I don't know. I just know it won't be the truth, or not enough of the truth anyway." He wavered just a little before mumbling the rest, "That's the worst part of all of this. They think it's honesty from here on out, and it won't be."

Switching the lights, Reid entered the small room to observe the prisoner. He made a point to note that the table was back in its place as his head jerked on it.

Eyes-squinting, Nolan cackled, "Back for more already."

Ignoring the statement, Reid approached him. He slammed the map on the table and pointed to the three red spots, "Where is Stafford keeping her?" With no response, Reid spewed the next words with venom, "We know who took her. We know, so the only thing that can keep me from killing you is if you tell me where she is."

Nolan peered at Manuela who was leaning against the door frame. He stuttered, "I'm not sure exactly where he is keeping her. All I can tell you is where we set up before, and where he told me to take you if need be."

Waiting, Reid back away to Nolan space. Trembling fingers pointed to two different places. His voice stumbled in his explanation of each place. The first location was the warehouse where they met up, and the second was an abandoned estate that was in ruins. He was to drag Reid's body there, dead or alive. The third dot was an old factory. Nolan did not know for what Stafford used it.

Spencer spun and flew out the door deserting Manny alone with Nolan. She murmured her gratitude, "Thank you. I am sure Spencer will reward you for this."

Nolan scuffed, "Only if you find her alive. The good Doc is a lot of things, but he isn't as forgiving as you make him out to be. If she's dead, than I will be too."

Sighing, Manny dove closer, "Why didn't you say anything before? Why keep their secrets?"

Nolan lifted his head to display an ambiguous smile, "Why do you keep Doc's secrets? Why do you keep all of your secrets? It's what we do. It destroys us, but we keep them anyway. There is no logic to it, no rational understanding. We slowly kill ourselves to keep those secrets, because they need us to. What bullshit, right?"

Voice gone, Manny basked in the quiet before moseying along toward the others. Unsure of what to do, her brain lingered on his words. They rung too true for her liking as the image of Spencer disintegrating before his friends popped its way into her mind.

He was destroying himself to keep their secrets. All of the unspoken lies were to be the death of everything that formed Spencer William Reid into the man she loved and admired.

She choked on her sob as she tried to silence them. She came to admit that this, too, would become an untold secret killing them both.

Sitting on an expensive yet uncomfortable chair, Stefan commanded his assistant to enter his lavish office, "Wanda, come in. I have an assignment for you."

Pushing the wooden door aside, a rather small woman strutted her way through the doorway, "Yes, sir."

Not glancing her way, he went straight to the point, "You have proven that you are discreet and resourceful during your stakeout of Dr. Reid, so I want to give you another assignment of the same nature." Choosing to look her in the eye now, his tone sent a very threatening message, "That is if you can keep up your performance?"

Understanding his meaning (do it or it means your life), Wanda stood erect, "Of course, sir. It is my job to accomplish all that is required from you. No matter the task." She trained especially for this. Smart and capable, Wanda Kijek held experience in all types of work...KGB, underground organizations, and most recently she married into Salutarem Via. Her husband died for the cause, and she was transferred to the States. Her boss saw her from afar and claimed her as his.

Beauty never seemed like much in her line of work until it was. That is not to say she was beautiful, because should you ask someone on the street the most they would say would be she was pretty. A pretty, little thing, they would reply in an uncertain manner. There was something about her air, the way in which she commandeered a room. It was appealing to many men, her new boss included.

Smiling that charming smile, the boss popped up from his chair and strode his way over to her, "Well, my dear, it turns out one of my men is an idiot. I need you to start clean up. There is an abandoned warehouse where a crew was setup. I need you to take any and all evidence of our presence there. Be in and out. Understood?"

She nodded, "Understood, sir. Anything else?"

Stafford showed his teeth, "Yes, I need you to make a phone call. Get Hasim over to the factory. The order is ready for pickup, and I need him to go over there and get it. Tell him to be cautious. As I said before, they have proven to be morons."

Smiling, she confirmed her loyalty, "Of course." Swiftly, she turned and clicked her heels on the floor. Out the door, she went preparing a plan for her assignment.

Alone once more, the man watched over the people below him out of his window. All of them small and insignificant, he wondered if they knew what was coming. Did any of them suspect the changes ahead? Did any of them care? He did once long ago. He wanted to make the world a better place by helping all of those unimportant people, but he knew better now. As long as he thrived, the world would be better. His existence made the world better.

He was important. He was significant. He was vital. His life, so full of opportunities and luxuries, demanded to be rewarded above all the others. Despite his once hopeful spirit, he merely lived in greed now. Forever trapped in an endless spiral of wanting the impossible and doing whatever to achieve what he wanted.

Stefan Hugo Stafford disregarded all these ramifications to his rather innocent view of the world as part of life. Deciding that it was simply growing up, he matured into a rather ruthless mogul with only one phrase to live by...the end justifies the means. The issue with such a mindset was that the end was always selfish. As long as his company, his family, his life improved, all the other bad deeds were forgivable.

Cheating was forgivable.

Deceiving was forgivable.

Killing was forgivable.

Raised in piles of money, he simply misunderstood the definition of success. Corrupted by birth, a naïve boy with boundless potential became power-hunger and dangerous. He observed his father's lies and absorbed it as necessary ritual.

It transformed him into a monster that would never truly take responsibility for the harm his adult self would commit. The skeleton of someone that could have been great became tainted with the ugliness of those crooks surrounding him.

He became what he saw, and no one could fault him for that.