Title: Salutarem Via

Summary: After an international mission comes into light, Reid has to face the fact that his team will now need to know one of his biggest secrets: his life way from the BAU.

A/N: I am sorry does not begin to cover it. I lost this chapter and the rest of the chapters when my computer crashed, so I had to start from the beginning. After that, classes started so I have not had any free time. I started classes and an internship through my school. I am so sorry, but life seems to love hating me and my plans. This chapter was a lot longer than I expected, so I have that to help ease my guilt.

I will not make any promises about when the next chapter will be out, because I cannot seem to keep them. You, all, are truly saints on this planet seeing how patient you have been with me. I cannot thank any of you enough.

As always, please be kind to me...I am human, and as such, I make mistakes (including all medical procedures). I am not a doctor, and I am not 100% sure of how this works. For the sake of this story, I went with what I thought would service the plot the most. If I have gotten something wrong, I am sorry.

Warning: There is heavy material in this chapter. Though Nothing explicit or graphic by any means, I do not want anyone to suffer because of this. Trigger topics will be discussed in this chapter. Please read with caution.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds despite any and all of my desires to claim it as my own.

Chapter Twenty: Climbing to the Surface

"At times, we are the bridge that allows another to re-enter the world after a loss. Don't mistake it for more or its beauty may be lost."- Danielle Pierre

The plainness of the room overwhelmed her senses with white walls and white sheets and white noise until the laughter traveling to her ears brought a sprout of reassurance that all the whiteness would blur into some colors. That laugh brightened up her world on more than one occasion, some of those were tucked away from the light. That laugh crashed into her soul tugging at her heartstrings trying to pull her out of the emptiness one more time, if only that were enough to wipe away the blackness in her dreams.

Yes, she knew that laugh very well. She remember the companionship that laugh brought to her life, and the battles they faced together.

She missed that laugh enough that she would send her world spiraling just to ensure that laugh would ring again. As her consciousness entered the world more fully, she groaned not just with physical pain but with the ache of failure.

She failed that laugh more than once. It now was the last bit of faith that she may deserve something good in her life. Adelaide Lancaster simply destroyed everything precious gifted to her by serendipity, especially that wonderful laugh.

It was processing that specific failure that her eyes flew open. Struggling to move, she moaned just enough to alert the other occupants of the hospital room of her intentions.

"Well, if it isn't sleeping beauty, awake again." The voice was different than the laugh. It was just as gentle, but there was something even more familiar in it. This voice grabbed her from the inside and built life from the destruction that was the past few days. This one held the potential to free her from her demons.

Peeking through the hurt, she croaked, "Billy Boy..."

Softly, he commanded, "Hey, Adds. Be careful, you were out for awhile."

"How long?" She sounded rushed and worried before her demeanor changed entirely.

Spencer wanted more than anything to rush to her and rescue her from all of her misery, yet he understood her own desire to keep the mask of stone. He played her game perfectly, "Long enough for me to call dibs on your jello while you were napping away."

Her standard smile settled itself on her sickly skin as she pushed her beaten body up on her bed, "I don't even like jello anyway. No one likes jello, you weirdo." She turned to see the laughing figure in an equally weakened state. She remained stoic at facing her broken heart. Her voice betrayed her enough for Spencer to notice how much this case crushed her being, "Hey, Coby. How are you?"

Jacoby Samuel and tragedy established a connection to each other when he was extremely young. He was no stranger to the burns of this earthly and oh, so flammable plane of existence. That particular relationship built itself a long time ago, and he knew Addie was more than aware of his past. He also recognized that Adelaide Lancaster was the epitome of empathy. She felt his agony; even if, he learned to live with such wounds.

So, he did his best to show Addie that he was indeed in pain, but that he would march on with life and all of its offerings, "Well, I was stabbed, so there is that. But...I'm alive."

Dry mouth, she attempted to lick her lips struggling to find the words to express all the lingering emotions spilling over in her insides. She reverted back to the classic response to such a situation knowing that nothing within those words would bring comfort to the sufferer. "I'm so sorry." They lacked sincerity in the most unique way possible. It was not because she did not fill the guilt or sadness. She boxed those genuine feelings in the bottom of her mind. They lacked the sincerity, because she desired nothing more than not to say that particular phrase ever again.

It was robotic and unfeeling, but Coby more than understood, "Hey, it was a job hazard that both of us knew about. We signed up for the job anyway. You had nothing to do with it. Besides, I should thank you for keeping us safe for as long as you did. You didn't have to do it that, but you did anyway."

Grateful for her deception training, she sucked back the salty tears threatening to slide down her swollen cheeks, "I was in charge of that assignment, so I had to handle the cleanup. It is part of my job."

Sighing, he closed his eyes, "I know. I still want to say thanks. Most people would have given up on all of this, but you kept going. Because of that, I have a body to identify. I can bury my brother where he belongs, right next to the rest of my family. That is more than a lot of people get."

Honesty sliced into all of their fragile souls. Schneider, Keller...their bodies never reached home. Ford, well, it really was not much of a body. It was simply unidentifiable pieces of flesh thrown together by an organization claiming them to be Marnie Ford's remains.

Silence tethered to the motionlessness of their bodies. Unwilling to break the stillness, they waited for something else to shove them into reality. The heavens took pity on them and sent them a maroon angel by the name of Nurse Lola.

She knocked before excusing herself in, "I'm sorry, dears, but I wanted to check on our patient." Walking up to the bed, she gently checked all of her vitals, "Well, dear, you are showing great signs of improvement. I'm going to get your doctor, so she can tell you more about your condition. I'll leave you with this handsome man," she singled out Reid before pointing to Coby, "but you, there, need to go back to rest. I am sure Mitchell is outside waiting for you." She stepped behind the wheelchair ready to push him out and hand him back to Mitchell Aimes's watchful eye.

Coby waved, "See ya. Get better will ya." Seeing her nod, he turned to Reid. Shaking his hand, Coby grinned, "Thanks for everything, man."

The nurse scooted them both out of the room leaving Spencer alone with Addie's uncertainties. He finally ambled his way to the left side of her body. Sitting in the chair provided, he anticipated all of her questions so he waited for her to speak first before opening his mouth.

Going over all of the words exchanged in the last ten minutes, she realized one important detail. Neither one mentioned the endgame of all of this mess. Both of them specifically steered away from all of those questions. She confessed her fears, "He got away, didn't he? Stafford, he got way."

Forgetting how astute she was or hoping she would be off her game just enough to get away with it, Spencer snapped up at her words. He loathed to admit his inadequacies to her, though lying was not an option (not to her), "Yes. Manny said that she could not catch up to a runner at the factory. We think he may have called Stafford to warn him. He fled the country."

Laying her head on the pillow, she questioned the next moves, "What are we going to do?"

Startled once again by her, Spencer realized that Addie still had him in command. She was wounded, and he was her second. "Emily said she would have Interpol look into him. He has now been unofficially added to a terrorist list. We have two people in custody. If we can get them to talk, we can official declare him a terrorist and have all hands on deck searching for him."

There was more. She could tell, but fear of the unknown paralyzed her from asking. Still, her eyes communicated her inquiries to Reid. With such greenness, Spencer's heart cramped. Not wanting her to burden herself with the knowledge of such things, he hesitated. It was short. It was noticeable at least for Addie it was.

Swallowing what little saliva her dry mouth could produce, she tentatively asked, "What is it?"

Mimicking her voice, Spencer trod around the news with great kindness hoping to ease her pain of such information, "Um...well, we narrowed your location to three places, so we split off into groups. There was an incident at one of the locations." The look in his eyes gave him away. At that moment, she knew something happened. Someone died. "There was an explosion. Ortiz didn't make it."

Cupping his hands, she let out a sob without much force. It was sudden and quick. There for only seconds before she turned it off. Back in its rightful place, her mask warmed all of her features with heartlessness and marble. The dampness of her cheeks slid down, but the rest of her betrayed nothing.

Reid held her hands squeezing them ever so slightly. He whispered to her all the reassuring things that he was more than aware would do nothing for her, "Addie, we are going to get this guy. My team is on it. They won't let it go. I promise you. We. Will. Not. Let. It. Go."

Relaxing (or pretending to, Spencer was not very sure) with the knowledge that Spencer's team was still on his side, she sunk into her bed even further. At that moment, the door swayed open. There stood Dr. Hayes reading her chart.

Spencer jumped to her, "Hey, Savannah, thanks for doing this." Giving her a small smile, Spencer did not trust Adelaide with anyone other than Dr. Savannah Hayes. Morgan trusted her with his love; Spencer could trust her with Addie's well-being. "I don't think I could trust anyone else with her."

Savannah remembered meeting Spencer a few months ago. He seemed shy, quiet. He exuded a mild temperament but strong convictions. He was soft-spoken with an intelligence she had never experienced before meeting him (and she was sure she never would again). When Derek called her saying he needed her to look over a victim, she wondered what could have happened that he would call with such desperation. Now, she witnessed why. Spencer had not left Adelaide's side since she was admitted to the ER almost thirteen hours ago.

If there was one thing she knew about the BAU, it was that they are family. And one of them was hurting, they all hurt. Spencer Reid burned with such agony, Savannah could only imagine how it would be to love someone in such a way. She loved Derek, but it still paled in comparison to the care shown by Spencer in this room.

Leaving her thoughts, she marched on in, "I'm happy to do it." Her smile warmed the cold, whiteness more than anything. "I am thrilled to finally introduce myself to you." She walked up to Addie extending her hand, "I'm..."

Placing her hand in Savannah's, Addie interrupted the introduction, "Dr. Savannah Hayes, I have gathered. I'm Adelaide Lancaster as you already know." Shaking her hand, she added, "I don't want to be rude, but I just...I'm in no mood to just to have pleasantries with anyone."

Smile still in place, Savannah reassured her, "Don't worry about it. I completely understand." The pause created a livable tension as they all acknowledged what was ahead.

No longer able to bear the pressure of silence, Reid was the one to ask the question, "So, what's the news?"

Sighing, Savannah detested this part of her job, "Well, I can start with the good news or the bad news, which do you prefer?"

Spencer had already analyzed her injuries on their way to the hospital. He knew exactly what Savannah was going to tell them, and he imagined that Addie also had a relatively clear picture of what was ahead of her. Still, he peeked over to her searching for some sort of choice written in the moisture of her eyes. Noting no opinion, Spencer answered with a fragile force withering in his voice, "Bad. Just start with the bad."

Accepting his reply as hers, Savannah began to list all of Addie's symptoms speaking as plainly and compassionately as she could, "Well, I guess I could start with the pneumonia. It is not too severe for it to be a real worry on a normal basis. Problem is that this isn't normal circumstances. You do have two fractured ribs, both on the right. That does not help your situation in the slightest. Nothing was punctured which is something to be thankful for, but it will be difficult for you to breathe comfortably for the next few weeks." And so it went.

Addie listened to everything they told her was wrong with her body. The nerves on the soles of her feet received extensive damage, though she should be grateful none of the bones fractured. She will have sensitive feet for the rest of her life. No more bare feet, she was warned. She loved being barefoot. Her arms were heavily bruised, but the surgery she went under to fix any of the damage went well. Problem laid in her inability to move her left arm (she tore a muscle there). Still, she was right-handed. She had internal damage in her throat from being choked, bruising of a large hand on the skin. She was also going through detox, an extremely painful detox. Her more minor injuries included a fat lip and black-blue bruises all over her body.

It was then that Savannah sewed her mouth shut. Carefully, she eyed Reid telling him to leave them alone. Comprehending her message, his body twitched with a slight hesitation at walking away from Adelaide at this moment. He knew the nature of what would happen next was not meant to be shared with him unless Addie expressed a yearning to tell him herself.

Everyone saw the red stain, but no one mentioned it respecting her privacy.

No desire to leave her alone to face such heartache, he reached for Addie and kissed her forehead unashamed of showing such affection in front of Savannah knowing that she would not share this with anyone not even Morgan. "I'll be in the cafeteria getting some coffee. I will be back in a few minutes, okay?"

Swallowing her nervousness, she allowed for him to leave despite all of her anxiety. He walked out and closed the door on them. It had changed forever, and whatever they had been before was slowly being replaced by something else, something foreign. It was up to him to aid in her recovery, but whatever relationship they had was gone. He was her bridge and nothing more.

He wondered if he could live with such a transformation, or if Addie was going to let him.

Seeing Morgan and JJ sitting a few tables away, Reid contemplated the idea of avoiding them. He knew that his team's anger toward him was completely justified. He decided that confronting them now was the better of two unpleasant choices. Taking his tasteless coffee and makeshift sandwich, he wobbled toward their rather empty table.

Morgan spotted him first. Unsure of what to say, he simply shifted in his warning JJ of Reid's arrival. Being more emotional adept of the three of them, JJ timidly commenced a conversation with Reid, "Hey, how is she?" Thinking that was a safe topic, she braced herself for the answer.

Settling himself in the uncomfortable plastic chairs, Reid somberly spoke, "Well, she's awake and talking to Savannah right now."

Morgan nodded his approval before looking to JJ for guidance. With her more willing to keep talking, she carried it on, "Did you tell her about..." She left the rest unsaid as no one was ready to full confront everything that has happened in the past thirty hours or so.

Harshly exhaling, Spencer coughed the answer out almost choking on his reply, "The thing about Addie is that it is hard to keep anything from her. She figured it out before I had the chance to say anything. She read my micro expressions." Frustration was clearly there. "I just...I just want to make this better for her, and I can't."

Ignoring him for most of the conversation, Morgan felt guilt seeping into her being. He forgot the emotional turmoil Reid would feel at losing someone. Morgan merely wanted to sulk in his misery and the betrayal, instead he was faced with a challenge: comfort a friend or leave him out there on his own. Whatever he chose would mark his relationship with Spencer Reid for the rest of their lives. Peering back at JJ, he sighed. He forgave her for everything she had done. Maybe, forgiving Spencer was not as difficult as he would like to believe.

Deciding on the grace of mercy, Morgan chimed in, "Hey, Pretty Boy, it's going to be okay. We are going to catch that son of a bitch, and I am going to personally stand guard outside of her door until we do, if you want. The rest is just up to time."

Agreeing, JJ attempted once last time at consolation, "Morgan's right. Time is going to make it better. All you can do is be there for her, Spence. Be there and wait it out."

Time. That was what everyone needed, but somehow it felt like it was the one thing he did not have. Time. Nodding as a way to end that section of the conversation, he digressed into a mutual subject with much less emotional baggage attached, "Where's everyone else?" Reid realized that he was so invested in Adelaide's well being that he never questioned about the well being of the others. He only knew about Javier's death because Manny personally sought him out to tell him. Addie had been surgery, and he was merely waiting for news.

Leaping on the much less heavy subject, JJ claimed, "Emily is babysitting. She is sitting with Rossi. I'm pretty sure Glover's wife came in a few hours ago. Glover's surgery went fine, by the way. It was relatively minor damage to his liver. He just lost a lot of blood. As for Rossi, he is bruised pretty heavily, but he'll live."

Morgan continued the answer, "Hotch and Ferro went back to Quantico with the Jonas guy. Manny said she could talk to all the parties involved for cleanup duty. We have a few bodies. Hotch is trying to keep the sharks from killing us. Technically, we went a little AWOL. Between the two of them, I think they got it covered."

Spencer rubbed his hands on his face, "I hate this part." And, he really did. The questions annoyed him. The critiques irritated him. All the diplomats thought they knew better, but none of them truly knew what it meant to be out there in the field risking their lives for the betterment of humanity.

Minutes passed in silence. They all sat there thinking of everything that could go wrong with the situation. It could be a repeat of Emily's crisis or even JJ's; they all hoped it would be smooth. At that moment, Emily huffed her way through the room to their table, "One of you guys go watch over, Rossi. I can't take it anymore."

The three of them gave weighty snorts that conveyed the odd mixture of emotions running through all of them. Morgan stood, "I'll go. I haven't check on him anyway."

Stepping only a few times before JJ jumped up, "Hey, Morgan, wait up.I'll go with you. I want to check on Glover to make sure everything is okay before checking up on Will." Both of them waved farewell to Emily and Reid before exiting the cafeteria leaving the two of them alone.

Emily squirmed in her seat trying to find a position comfortable enough for her to feel safe, but her brain focused on the issue at hand never permitting her to feel such relief. Sitting across from Reid, she searched for a sign for what she did not know. She just wanted to see something other than that fearsome creature ready to kill.

Staring at his unappetizing meal, Reid stiffened under Emily's gaze. He knew what was coming, but that did not mean he welcomed it, embraced the consequences of all of his actions. If Emily was to become his savior, then she no longer could be his friend.

He was not sure what he preferred.

Emily trembled, "You can't go back there, you know." Jumping right into the heart of things might have been a dangerous decision, yet she recognized the uniqueness of the circumstance.

Smirking, Reid's bleakness faded for moment and all was right in the world. It was only one fleeting moment, "You don't waste anytime."

Mirroring his expression, Emily retorted, "I'm not going to insult your intelligence with mundane conversation topics. We both know how this works. You come home from a case, and you have to decide whether or not a new case is worth all of the sleepless nights. Each time you say yes, because after living that life, everything else is just too dull. Then, something happens like it always does. Secrets get out. Lives get ruined. And, you have to make the other choice."

She paused shaking her cup, "Besides, I know talking about Adelaide or Ortiz or Rossi or anyone else is the last thing you want to do. You feel enough guilt as it is."

Sipping his coffee, Reid peered into Emily's eyes. She understood. "Well, I am sure that Manny would be pleased to be proven right despite the circumstances of such an event."

Eyebrow up, Emily quizzically spoke, "Proven right?"

Swallowng the last drop of coffee, Reid added, "Her actions. We weren't suppose to say anything, but she got you involved anyway knowing that you would care about me. That you wouldn't judge me the way the rest of the team is doing right now, well...except for Rossi, but I always thought he suspected something when I came back from the Middle East. Hotch knew something was off, but Rossi suspected something more."

Emily murmured truthfully, "I am in no position to judge you. You are my family, Spencer. I protect my own." Sighing, she carried on, "I actually want to talk about something with you..."

Cutting her short, Spencer stopped her before she could say anything that would change everything in ways neither of them was willing to sacrifice. "Don't say anything, Emily. The moment you do it changes everything. Not just with us, but it changes the whole team. We won't be able to go back after that, and I'm not sure either one of us is ready for it."

Desperate to alleviate some of his pain, Emily insisted, "We did it once before, Reid. We can bounce back from this. Just you watch."

Sadly smiling, Spencer readied himself to leave, "That's the thing, Emily, I don't think we really did. I think we pretended because we wanted everything to be fine. The problem lies in the fact that trick won't work twice, so if you want to save me...just be sure of what you are giving up. I may not be worth it, and you know what, that's okay." He squeezed her folded hands to reassure her that whatever she decided was absolutely fine by him.

He strode out of the cafeteria leaving mere melancholy in his wake and a thoughtful Emily alone. Soaking up her parting words, Emily pondered whether or not Spencer Reid's well being was worth any sacrifice she was about to make. For throwing someone a rope, may indeed safe the person from total destruction, yet it could me nothing more as seeing your savior beyond that line of intersection suffocates the whimsicality of being rescued. It would only push them back into the dark despair of which you helped them crawl out.

And, that may be something they may never overcome.

Quiet crept back into the hospital room.

Savannah pushed herself closer to Adelaide as a sign of comfort. In the most consoling way possible, Savannah inhaled her own thumping heart, "I will not ask for all of the gory details as that is for the police, if you decide to press charges against anyone...but I do need to ask you questions."

Mouth bone-dry, Addie signaled her to carry on with her interrogation, "Do you want me to share this information with the FBI, so they can build a case against your offender?"

Licking her lips and wiggling in her place, Adelaide barely coughed out, "No, that won't be necessary. I won't press charges. Just tell them the bare minimum, if you would please."

Savannah nodded and stared at her chart, "Well, you would like some sort of pregnancy prevention pill? We found semen, but we did not want to assume anything."

Sitting a little straighter, courage bubbled in the pit of her stomach allowing to speak of the ordeal with such distant coldness, "Yes, I would, though I do not think it will be necessary." Her last attacker ensured life would not come forth from her womb, not anymore. Not that she would share that detail of her past, although Savannah's curiosity peaked enough to ripple in the air.

Writing her reply, Savannah asked the next question, "Have you ever had an infection? STDS? Anything that we should know about?"

Keeping face, Addie's eyes shifted before landing on Savannah's professional glance, "No. Nothing."

Nodding, Savannah's pen scribbled some more, "Okay, we made test for any and all problems that could arise, but there was strange bruising we could not place." She sighed unsure how to proceed, "I hate to ask, but did your offender use other instruments that we should be aware of?"

Embarrassment colored her cheeks as Adelaide struggled to convey everything that twisted inside. All of her thoughts dragged her back to the musky scent of rust and salt. Subconsciously, she closed her legs with the memory. That act of protection caused a sharp pang to taunt her with her inability to erase the imprint of such disgrace from her body. She could no longer ignore the throb.

Unwilling to speak to Savannah directly, Adelaide robotically answered her question.

Closing her eyes, Savannah carried on with her interview. She tenderly asked questions with a voice she hoped would soothe Adelaide into truthfulness. Adelaide would respond with impersonal explanations. She stuck with facts and figures. No emotion came forth from any of her replies. By the end, Savannah was more than ready to forget this conversation and Adelaide was more than ready to move on from such an intimate discussion.

Ending their time together, Dr. Hayes relaid the last bit information, "Dr. Lancaster, I know that nothing I can do right now with make this any better. All I can do is give you the best medical advice I possible can." She reached into her pocket before pulling out a small card, "This is a friend of mine, Dr. Jasmine Patel. She has helped people in similar situations. I know I cannot force you to get psychological help, but I highly recommend it. I just can't see a friend of Spencer's suffering."

Adelaide Lancaster's small smile seemed as sincere as anything could in moments like this one. Once again, she thanked whatever higher being out there that Spencer was a loveable as he was. It reinforced her idea that everything would turn out just fine if you had someone to love you enough. Spencer had the world's love, and she, for whatever reason, had his.

The threat of tears surfaced enough to pressure Savannah to excuse herself, "Well, you should rest. I will let Spencer know that we are done, so he can come on in. I imagine you want him here, and even if you didn't, I am sure I couldn't keep him away." There was a faint giggle, and with that, Savannah slipped out of the door and off to the cafeteria.

Minutes passed, and the faint smell of old books and coffee entered the room. Spencer approached her tentatively unwilling to drive away the gracious embrace of the sandman.

With the soft thud of the door, Adelaide slowly sunk into a deep slumber. Hoping her life would not haunt her dreams, she swiftly entered sleep wishing Spencer was enough to bring her back from the darkness.

The truth of the matter was...even his gentle nature may not be enough to whisk her away from her loneliness and welcome her back into light's grace as she had no desire for such beauty to seep into their long, treacherous relationship. She needed him too much, and if one of them fixed the other, the imbalance would consume them gradually strangling the love they shared.